Chapter Text
He would never forget the sound of his world ending.
Once upon a time, he had thought the end came with searing fire and burning ash and bitter tears, a church collapsing under the rage of greedy flames.
He had considered terror-filled screams the sound of the apocalypse, of the vengeful angels descending onto the world of mortals to accompany the souls of the innocent into heaven, all while the world around him burned.
He had believed he’d experienced the end already, had stubbornly carried on, surviving only due to the fury cursing through his veins, his once safely hidden heart replaced by a cold rock the only reason he was still breathing.
Kang Yohan had been wrong.
His world hadn’t ended in flames as the church collapsed above him, taking the one person who had loved him away. No, his world ended with a single gunshot. One second was all it took to steal Yohan of his new, bright world. He’d never forget that noise… would never forget the sight of a man aiming a gun at Yohan’s world, past the obnoxious detective, past Oh Jinjoo, past Yohan himself.
To defeat the monsters lurking in the shadows, Kang Yohan had become one himself, he’d stared into the abyss until he’d become the darkness itself. But in that moment the devil himself felt fear, felt its freezing hands caressing his tainted soul like a beloved child.
The man pulled the trigger without remorse, without regard of the devil witnessing it all.
“NO!”
A shattering scream wrenched from his lips as he watched the man beside him stumble back, raising his hand slowly to his chest – doe eyes wide in disbelieve turning into terror as scarlet fell from his lips – before collapsing to the cold, harsh asphalt.
He never realised he’d run the few steps to catch the younger man until he cradled him in his arms. He only had eyes for the man who held his heart, not even aware of what precious gift had bestowed upon him.
Panic leading his every move, he almost manically peeled back the black gown, a never-heard sound of animalistic anguish being ripped from his throat at the sight of deep, deep scarlet tainting beautiful pale skin.
With trembling hands, he pressed him tightly against his chest, fingers caressing the pale cheek tenderly painting it with colour all while he could not tear his eyes from the quickly darkening fabric.
“No,” he begged, face terror-stricken. “Please.”
The younger man gasped painfully, body shuddering with each desperate breath, becoming weaker by the second.
“Yohan-”
“Don’t, please!”
Yohan hadn’t felt fear like this before. This time it wasn’t an angry fire stocking his want for revenge. This time it was ice reaching for his soul, cold, bony fingers wrapping around his core. It was so much worse than the flames burning him alive.
Doe-coloured eyes looked back at him with fear of the future and Yohan felt the heart he’d thought had become stone shatter.
And then the mesmerizing colour slipped forever from his reach.
The colour that held safety and warmth and understanding and love was stolen from Yohan’s hands and with it all he had ever been too afraid to want.
A guttural scream echoed through the parking lot, animalistic and full of untold pain in its origin.
But when he looked back at the man, his voice softened turning almost tender as he breathed: “Please don’t leave me, Gaon-ah.”
However, the other man never replied. Not even when Yohan promised him the world and the stars, voice cracking in pain. Not even when strong, calloused hands lovingly brushed back his messy bangs, trailing along his face with unhidden adoration. Not even when Yohan rested his chin on top of the younger’s head, cradling him against the crook of his neck and wept, uncaring of the ones witnessing the great Kang Yohan be human.
Kim Gaon never replied to the desperate, heart-breaking pleads of Yohan because Kim Gaon had taken his last breath in the arms of the one his soul longed for.
“Get away from him, you monster!”
Suddenly, Yohan was pushed back, a hand flying up to his face faster than he could react. Then another and another and he let it all happen, the pain a welcomed distraction to the coldness in his chest. It wasn’t until those hands reached for Gaon that he snapped back to attention, snarling as he tried to shuffle back with his precious light in his arms. More and more hands reached for the younger man, wanting to take him away but Yohan would not let them!
Then the person behind him grabbed him firmly, and another reached for Gaon… and Yohan lost him.
In between the flurry of shapes and shadows, he briefly caught the eyes of the Detective Yoon, her face tear-stained and eyes full of hatred as she glared at him, only to drop to the floor beside Gaon’s body with a sob. Desperation clawing in his throat he growled, fighting against the hands pulling him away. Gaon didn’t belong to Soohyun! Why was she allowed to have him while he wasn’t?
“Chief Kang, please snap out of it!”
Two hands framed his face, forcing him to avert his eyes from Gaon and instead look at his other Associate Judge, Oh Jinjoo’s face ghostly pale and her eyes swimming in tears. Nevertheless, her voice barely wavered as she whispered firmly: “Don’t forget where we are, sir. You can’t let them win, not like this. Don’t you dare throw it all away now! Not after what it cost us all! Will you let them get away with this? G-ga… he … I’m so sorry, sir, so sorry. It hurts so bad, and it will continue to do so but… he’s gone and I’m sorry. Don’t let it be for nothing. Please.”
Yohan looked at the woman silently, looked at the makeup and pretty face – seeing the piece of eye candy he had wanted for his Live Court, the slightly naïve and good-natured girl that would sooth the public - and then he looked beyond it into ebony eyes made from iron and fire and understood. This woman was an actress, a survivalist just like himself. And like a fool he had underestimated her, had only seen what she wanted him to see.
“Oh Jinjoo…” he whispered, slowly falling out of the mad haze that had blinded him.
Concentrating on his breathing, Yohan got to his feet, standing firm even as he knew the ground beneath him had disappeared.
Kim Gaon was dead.
He stared at his own hands quietly, memorising the way Gaon’s blood slid down his wrists, pooled in his palm and felt sticky between his fingertips.
Kim Gaon was dead.
Something wet ran down his face, but when he lifted his head, the sky was merely adored by countless of stars, brilliant lights breaking through the darkness, and not a single cloud to see. The drop slid over his lips, tasting salty and only now did he recognise it as the tears he hadn’t shed in ten years.
Kim Gaon was dead.
And Kang Yohan was alive.
The sun spilled its warm, soft light into the mansion when Yohan returned home – tired and exhausted and alone. There was an empty space in his chest where before it had been filled by gentle touches and soft smiles and fearless arguing, and it slowly turned his once brilliant world dull and grey, life withering away like a flower.
The bloodied watch felt heavy in his pocket, but he’d rather die than let go of the one piece that remained of Gaon.
“Where have you been?”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Yohan suppressed the tears threatening to drown him, and instead slowly turned to the teenage girl, preparing himself for the annoyed glare.
“Ou…” clearing his throat hastily, he replied firmly: “Out. There was something I had to take care of. Have you eaten yet?”
Elijah eyed him suspiciously, rolling her eyes at the lie as if she didn’t know her uncle had taken care of another of his problems. If he didn’t want her knowing he should at least clean the blood better from his clothes.
“I was waiting for Gaon, he promised to cook something new.”
“Elijah…” Yohan whispered, swallowing dryly.
How could he tell her that Gaon would not be coming back? Never? That he was gone like her parents, unexpected and abruptly? That she would never be able to say goodbye because it had all gone so fast? That his game had killed the one person she had allowed in? That Yohan had robbed her of the one person who had understood her?
“What’s going on? You’re acting weird, stop being so quiet!” she demanded bossily.
Yohan looked at her, words stuck in his throat, and he thought back to a few days ago when they were all in the living room, playing that childish game and were happy. Elijah had laughed, bright and light, that beautiful smile he had thought she’d lost back on her face. And Yohan too had felt happy, like nothing in the world could stop him, like he was unbreakable. For once Nanny had looked at him like she had when he was but a child, a small innocent boy who deserved to be loved and wanted. He hadn’t known how badly he’d missed that look, that gentle embrace and acceptance only a mother could give. And it was all because of Gaon. Gaon had brought them back together, had been the one to bridge the distance between them and had reminded them that they had once loved, that they had once been a family. Gaon had given him glimpses of the life he once had and now he had paid the price for showing kindness to the devil.
A life for a life.
Gaon’s life for Yohan’s.
“Yah, Yohan!”
And suddenly it was easy. The pain that had drowned his entire being disappeared and left behind was a soft numbness.
“Elijah, Kim Gaon won’t be coming back.”
“Yeah, I know,” she snapped, rolling her eyes. “You two had a big fight and you did something to make him leave. So, you need to go to his apartment and beg him to come back. Just say you’re sorry or whatever.”
Right… they had been fighting the last time and Gaon had left him. Yohan had forced him away because he had greedily wanted more than what he already had. And now he could never apologize, never tell him…
“I can’t,” he stated tonelessly, eyes firmly locked with his niece’s. He deserved the disgust that would soon fill her eyes, the horror and hatred when she realised, he’d killed Gaon. He deserved it.
“Why-”
“Kim Gaon is dead.”
The truth was out but it didn’t minder the pain in his chest like everyone always said.
“What.”
Without another word, Yohan turned away, snatching a bottle of whiskey from a cupboard, and disappeared into the lonely mansion. It had all been said.
“Yohan! Wait! What do you mean?! G-gaon…”
Elijah raced after him, voice horrified at the truth. However, Yohan didn’t turn around again.
“Did you kill him?! Yohan! Did you kill him like my parents! Why did you do this to him?”
Instead, he slipped into the one space Elijah could not follow, the one place Isaac had kept her far away, her screams forever echoing in his mind even as the heavy door fell shut and he heard the phantom noise of a key turning and bolts being pushed closed.
The darkness of his childhood bedroom a soothing familiarity.
This was what he deserved – his father had been right all along. He should have never left this prison.
In here he couldn’t hurt anyone… and nobody could hurt him.
They were all there.
Yoon Soohyun, Min Jeongho, Oh Jinjoo, Elijah, Miss Ji, Ko Inguk, and others he didn’t know.
They all stood around a gravestone saying their last goodbyes, chuckling about old anecdotes and crying for lost opportunities.
Kim Gaon’s most important people were all there, giving each other strength in this difficult time, all but Yohan.
The dark-haired man stood alone, far away from the others, grieving on his own. He knew he wasn’t welcomed in the group, wasn’t wanted because they all knew who to blame for this tragic death.
And god, it hurt to have his chance of grieving taken away, his chance of showing that he too had cared for the young man in his own awkward way, but he had already expected it. It was what he deserved after all.
Elijah didn’t talk to him anymore, but it was for the best. To make it easier for her, Yohan had even moved into his office more or less, only returning to the mansion when absolutely necessary. Miss Ji couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, leaving the room whenever they accidentally crossed paths. It was better for everyone that he left the mansion in the end.
Though, even when he threw himself into his work, skipped sleep and food in favour of planning, he couldn’t escape the yearning for a strong hand touched, a gentle voice heard, or a teasing smile seen. There was always that awful longing for a presence that was no longer there.
And Yohan hurt with every single breath.
Eventually, when the group moved on, he hesitantly walked towards Gaon’s grave, fingers tracing the elegant inscription tenderly.
Kim Gaon
Beloved friend and colleague
May he rest in peace
This was all that was left of the man who had completed him, an inscription and a gravestone that didn’t even come close to who Kim Gaon had been.
Yohan had no words to describe what Gaon had been to him – whether it was because he was too afraid to form them or because they didn’t exist yet – he only knew that it felt right to be with him.
But now he was alone again, and he only had himself to blame.
If he had never allowed Gaon to join him in this game without victory, then this would have never happened. Gaon was never meant to be a piece of his chessboard, but the foolish man had changed from pawn to queen effortlessly and had sacrificed himself for Yohan’s stupid ambitions. He should have stopped earlier!
Black spots danced into his vision, but Yohan grit his teeth and forced himself to hold it together.
Perhaps he should have eaten something, but everything tasted so bland, he couldn’t bring himself to try.
“It shouldn’t have been you,” he whispered, the empty space in his soul never more profound than right now. “Never you.”
His last act.
It was finally time to end this performance. They were all here in the courtroom, just now realising that they had been tricked. It was like the church all over again as those greedy monsters fought to escape, uncaring about anyone but themself.
He had won.
But victory felt bitter and empty and like defeat.
Sunah looked at him, painted lips curling into a victorious grin as she mouthed the words: “I told you, young master, I’d make you die alone.”
And in that sense Sunah had won. Yohan had lost everyone he held dear during this game and even after this victory he wouldn’t get them back. They were gone.
He watched emotionless as Sunah put a gun to her own temple and pulled the trigger with a self-satisfied smirk forever on her lips. Scarlett pooled around her as she lay on the marbled courtroom floor, brilliant in its intensity and so like the colour that had adored Gaon and sullied Yohan’s hand during that hellish night.
In the end they were all the same.
Empty bodies that could not live without the blood in their veins.
He watched emotionless as the numbers racked up to a million, all voices of people who wanted change just as much as he once had. It was cold and inhuman to out them before this choice and Gaon would have detested him for it, but in the end, it was necessary to show them the power they had, it was necessary to ignite the fire burning through the corruption. Once upon a time, Gaon would have spearheaded the reform, Yohan’s last piece to ultimate victory. A saint stepping up after the devil’s execution. A perfect ending to the play he’d spent a decade performing.
Though, now it had all changed immutable.
His saint was dead, buried six feet beneath the cold unforgiving earth, and the devil did no longer want to slip away from his punishment, escaping into obscurity at the last moment.
When he finally pulled the trigger, Yohan didn’t move.
When the courtroom exploded and ash and stones shot towards him, Yohan didn’t move.
When the ceiling shattered and the screams of his monsters were the last thing he heard, Yohan didn’t move.
The actor had to disappear after the final act, so were the rules of the game.
And Yohan didn’t need to worry about anyone else while he accepted his punishment peacefully. He’d made contingency plans so that Elijah would be taken care of and finally live the life she deserved. Miss Ji and she would both go to the special clinic in Switzerland and afterwards, Elijah could do what ever she wanted. There were bank accounts and properties in her name, an entire world for her to explore without ever having to worry again. His beloved niece would never have to think back to the uncle who had robbed her of all the people she’d loved.
It would be his last selfish act, the last greedy wish he’d fulfil himself.
Because somewhen in the time he’d met and lost the younger man he had realised terrified, that his soul had fallen in love – deeply and irrevocable and fragile – and he didn’t, couldn’t live without the other.
Even when he never felt the same way…
Even when he had already chosen another…
Even when they had been enemies in the end…
Darkness reached its familiar hands towards Yohan, and he welcomed it with a relieved grin.
…
And then he woke up in a familiar bed, a familiar room with grief living in his veins - a tornado, ripping apart everything it came across.