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“Fuck.” Thanos muttered under his breath. He checked the status on his new song for probably the fifth time this hour. It’s been a disaster, just like his other two shitty albums. He knitted his eyebrows together in frustration.
Se-mi peeked over at his phone, “What?” Thanos shoved his phone down his pocket in embarrassment. “Nothin’, girl.” He growled in English. He loved to say tiny snippets of words in foreign languages. “Just tell me, you asshole.”
“People got no taste, that’s all.” Thanos smugly responded, yet he sounded cowardly. The other girl looked at him with a ‘told ya so’ type of look. He hated it when she did that. Thanos broke down, melting his tough demeanor down. “Shut up, I got bills to pay. I fucking need that money.”
“Should’ve went to college, no?” She glared. Thanos stared her down with an even colder glare. College? That shits for pussies. “I’m ain’t doing that.”
“Have fun being broke then.”
Really? Only old fuckers say that. Bunch of artists didn’t go college. He could be one. Well, not with the taste these people have.
“I’m not going anywhere with that education stuff, I already did 12 years old that.” He mustered out.
“13, actually.”
Will she ever stop being such a smartass?
“Oh yeah? And what good does college do anyway?” He thought he outsmarted Se-mi as he pulled out a vape. Se-mi stared at him like he grew three heads, Thanos stares back.
Se-mi sighs, but not like her usual disappointed sighs, it felt heavier this time, “Su-bong, I know you’re smart, but you’re also not so smart because you don’t think!”
The name she used sent a shiver down his spine, Su-bong was another man he left behind. As for the rest of her little speech, he couldn’t care less. Everyone always said that, and it had never been true.
Se-mi’s gaze softened a little, the venom from before still there. “I’m a psychology major and all, but sometimes you need to listen to your brain more than your heart.”
Thanos paused for a moment. “What college do you go to again?”
Se-mi smiled as if she’d done something, “Ganhwa university center.”
Suddenly, Se-mi’s phone buzzed and she stared at it for a few seconds like an iPad kid, leaving Thanos stranded. “Shit, I gotta go.” Se-mi hurried out as she spat out those words.
Se-mi leaving suddenly made Thanos more conscious of the fact they were sitting in a cafe. Did his dealer mistake his usual ecstacy for some other shit? Whatever.
Thanos stood up and left that stupid cafe too, the place was trying way too hard to be cozy anyway. He didn’t see Se-mi anywhere, so he just continued walking back home. He thought about what Se-mi had told him. Maybe he should listen to his brain.
As soon as he got back to his shitty apartment, he immediately sat down and got his laptop. Sure, the house was an absolute mess, but he didn’t have time for that.
He searched up the college on Google. It looked nice for not a bad yearly price. He didn’t even dare to consider a scholarship, he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. A whole new year was starting in a month, and they were still taking music engineering applications?
Desperate. The only that could describe that college. He did have a college application from senior year. Finally, he did something useful. He didn’t even write, his brother wrote half of it anyway. He might’ve lost a hundred to that, but now it’s worth it.
It was lame ass essay about loving music and shit, he could never write that. Looked perfect to him—but he has the grammar of a preschooler, so it probably wasn’t that perfect.
What did he have to lose? His life was shit. He’s still considering jumping off the Han river even after seeing this college. And if he got rejected? Well, he better hope people actually cared about him.
He sent it. He wouldn’t admit it even if his life depended on it, but he was actually scared, and now he had something to look forward to. He ran a hand down his face, considering to pop a pill. He decided not to, he’d probably overdose.
Damn, he was on a roll with his goody-two-shoe decisions. His doorbell rang, it was his takeout. This girl, probably in high school, asked for a tip. Smug much. Thanos flatly said, “No.” The girl ended up getting a door shoved in her face.
Thanos shoved the whole thing in his mouth in huge chunks. He probably looked like a cow eating, but he didn’t care. He was hungry, he hadn’t eaten in probably two or three days.
That girl that delivered his food reminded him that he still didn’t have a girlfriend at his big age. And no—the chicks at the club that always ‘one-night-stand-ed’ him didn’t count.
12am. He looked surprised. Maybe that’s why his delivery girl looked tired. Why is he thinking about her so much?! Whatever, he was also about to drop dead asleep. It’d probably be more comfortable if he did it on his bed though.
He took one step and immediately stepped on some wrapper. Like him. Get it? Maybe it’s good that he didn’t take that pill, he’s already high enough. What a fucking landfill he lives in. You think he’s gonna pick it up? Nope, problem for the next person who finds it. Although the knows he’s always gonna be the next person.
He felt like a zombie walking through his own apartment. His head was spinning and everything was blurry. He knew he was definitely depressed, but not this fucking much! He skipped brushing his teeth, one skip won’t hurt. Except it wasn’t the first time.
He flopped onto his bed. The world always looked dark at night, but was it always this dark? Everything suddenly felt more textured. The air felt heavier. Was he nervous? What the fuck for? The college? He doesn’t give a shit about that!
He wandered off to dreamland faster than people blink. He’d been surviving off energy drinks for the last week for his lame ass album. Who’s he to call it lame? It’s absolute peak! He’s basically enemies offspring! Or whatever that dude’s called.
Something felt off. It felt like his life was gonna change. It felt like he was more conscious. It felt like…something he can’t quite explain. The air felt weird against his skin, the clock was ticking louder, the rug looked clearer, the clock was getting louder, his head was throbbing, the clock was faster.
All until something disrupted that feeling, his phone. It buzzed and vibrated the sheets in a way he couldn’t stand. Shit, it was his homegirl, how could he hang up on her, right? ‘Cause she’s definitely the sweetest angel you’ll ever meet.
He slid the bar, even though he wanted to hear absolutely no one right now. A robotic yet familiar vice broke out, “Hello?” Thanos absolutely was not a morning person, so he answered with no strength. “The fuck you want, girl?” Se-mi scoffed, she probably rolled her eyes too, thanos could feel it.
“Thought I’d wake you up. That’s it.” Then that stupid ring buzzed. She hung up. That bitch called him just to say that? What the fuck, dude?! That alone just gave Thanos a spark of energy to actually get up on his lazy ass.
Right. He ran outta energy drinks. What about coffee? Heavily creamed, though. He fucking hates coffee. Smells like his old, dusty high school teacher. Nope. That shit was out too. Fuck it, he’ll just to that cheap ass cafe with the hot cashier.
Walked out. No shame. He was still in his pajamas. Firsthand embarrassment? The hell is that? Anyway, he ordered his usual. Guess the teenager really hates her job, ‘cause his shit was already filled within, like, five seconds.
He walked away with it anyway. He paid for that, so he’ll take his moneys worth. He guessed the bitch that just bumped him in head wanted the worth too.
He wasn’t paying attention, he bumped into a random dude. They both crashed down, dropping whatever they had on them. The other little shit must’ve been a ninja. Thanos only saw him for a split second before he got up. Jesus. What could he possibly be late for? Looked younger than Thanos himself! And not to boast, but he’s really fucking hot.
He takes his half cup of coffee back to his apartments. That’s when he remembered. The album. The songs. The fans. The clout. The fame. And most importantly, the money. He looked like a hopeful puppy opening the app. Nope. Still 5,000 listeners. Fucking god, man! That’s barely enough for a single blueberry!
Maybe he should jump off that bridge. No one’ll miss him anyway. What’s he got for people to miss? If anything, they should be glad. It’ll be better than being on the streets in the cold and begging business men for money every day.
He listened back to the tracks—oh no. Sure, there were mistakes, but the point was still peak! His voice was cracking like a boy hitting puberty, his beats sounded like a kindergartener made them, and some of the lyrics sounded like a cat sneezed on a keyboard. Was his producer secretly a teenager who got grounded or something?
Emails. Right. He forgot. College, ‘n all that. He’s not gonna make a big deal out of it. He’ll fail anyway. Who wants a fucking nobody to represent them? Plus, he’s got no brains. He’s useless. He opens the page anyway.
He slammed his cheap coffee cup down on the couch. He started reading intently, following every single word. His eyes kept getting more hopeful and big. His mouth formed the shape of an ‘O.’ Was this the moment he’s been waiting for?