Work Text:
Can I come over?
Gerard chewed anxiously at the skin of his cuticles as he stared at his phone, waiting impatiently for a response. He'd been sitting with his phone for nearly an hour, typing and deleting and typing and deleting…over and over again. He hated how nervous he always felt whenever he did this, when things got too much and too loud and he needed to just make things quiet for a little while. And there was only one person who could do that for him. There was only one person who had ever been able to do that for him. Although he wished things were easier, he did the best he could with the situation he had been dealt.
Gerard wasn't out. Not properly, at least; not to his parents or to his co-workers or the guys he played DnD with. Not to the acquaintances he'd made at his weekly AA meetings and not to his neighbours who he shared pleasantries with at the mailbox. His brother knew – because he always knew and Gerard never really had to come out to him – and his very few close friends knew. One of those close friends being Frank.
Frank fucking Iero. His best friend, the person who knew him best; who had seen him at his absolute worst, his rock bottom, and never once judged him or looked at him differently. Who – on several, miserable occasions – had picked him up from a vomit soaked floor, cleaned him up and put him to bed without a second thought; who – on even more occasions – also slept on the floor beside Gerard's bed, so he was never alone in his most vulnerable hours. Gerard was envious of him and Gerard loved him in a way that scared the hell out of him. He was envious because – from Gerard's perspective – Frank had it all. He had the famous band touring the country, he had a nice house full of high quality furniture and expensive music equipment. He had it all, and Gerard wanted that so much. But he wanted him more.
Gerard, on the other hand, with his trust and commitment issues, still lived at home – in his parents basement with his part time job and his crippling addictions to boot. So he steered clear from anything that might force him to confront his insecurities and his deepest fears, relying solely on this… arrangement he'd made with Frank a long time ago. Frank had been home from tour for three days, and Gerard had been itching to send that text for four. He sighed with relief when Frank replied.
Sure. Do you have a time in mind?
I can be there in an hour.
Cool. You OK?
Yeah. Just want to see you.
Doors locked. Let yourself in and make coffee. Meet me in my studio.
Gerard nodded to himself at the information. It's started already, he thought to himself. He pulled his lips into a thin line while drawing a long inhale through his nose. He held it for a few seconds, with his eyes closed, before letting it go. Controlled. Slow. Peaceful. He took a moment to absorb the silence surrounding him before he stood up and took the steps two at a time to leave the basement behind him.
The Way household was as quiet as it always was. Gerard was greeted immediately by his mother in the kitchen, fussing over the wet and dry ingredients for whatever the hell she was baking. His mother was always making something, usually something sweet; based on Gerard's very quick glance toward her workspace he guessed it was Cannoli. He looked forward to trying one straight from the refrigerator when he came home.
Gerard rushed through the house, keeping his head down as he made a b-line for the stairs. He took those two at a time also.He didn't want to seem like he was rushing but he was eager, and he wanted to make sure that he got to Frank's on time. He needed this. He stripped and showered in record-time, scrubbing his skin until it was red and perfectly clean. He dried off, making sure to be liberal with the antiperspirant and aftershave because he knew he'd need it. He hadn't seen Frank in weeks, and while Gerard couldn't do much right now about the fact that he desperately needed a haircut, he could at least make sure he smelled good. He stopped to look himself in the mirror and a heavy sigh left him, he hated looking at himself naked and today was no exception. He hated the fact that he'd taken to eating more now he couldn't use booze to soothe his wounds and ithad led to him looking a little rounder, starting to spill slightly over the waistband of his jeans.
He couldn't help the way his mind flooded with all of the things wrong with him: You're too pale. Your shoulders are too wide. Your chest is too flat. You've let yourself go. He won't like you like this. He'll be disgusted. He'll be disappointed. All of these thoughts were familiar to Gerard andhad once been silenced, but he couldn't keep them away anymore. His only vices had been removed and now these thoughts were free to worm their way into the grooves of his brain and settle the fuck in, ready to strike whenever he gained an ounce of confidence.
Gerard lowered his eyes away from the mirror; they widened when he saw how much of a mess he was…down there.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he whispered to himself, opening the cabinet to find a small pair of scissors. He began carefully trimming away the overgrown hair in a desperate attempt at making himself look more presentable.
Frank had been on tour for three weeks, it had been four since Gerard last saw him, and it had been a miserable month. Normally, Gerard didn't care much to make an effort on his appearance; there was no point if Frank wasn't around. The depression he fell into while Frank was away wasn't particularly surprising, but very much unwelcome. Gerard's brain had quickly connected the dots that Frank equals happiness and it slumped into a miserable pile of hopelessness when Frank was travelling. It pissed Gerard off, mostly, but he did nothing to remedy it because he didn't know how. He didn't really want to, either, but he wasn't ready to admit that.
Once he was sure he had groomed himself to a satisfactory level, he dabbed a few spots of aftershave on the inside of his thighs for good measure before he – quite literally – jumped into his jeans. He groaned and huffed as he pulled them over his thighs, choosing to ignore the way they were so much tighter than they used to be; he hoped he still looked good in them. He dressed in the only clean t-shirt he had – making a note to himself that he really needed to do laundry – before he left the bathroom and headed back downstairs.
“Oh shit, you got dressed! Where's the fire?” Mikey shouted from the living room. He threw his game controller to the side and jumped up from the sofa with exaggerated enthusiasm, striding towards Gerard. His fingers immediately tangled in Gerard's hair to ruffle it. “Dude, you need a haircut.”
“Fuck off.” Gerard pushed him back playfully, quickly trying to smooth his hair back down. “I'll deal with it, just shut up. I'm going out.” He pushed past Mikey, aiming for the door to his basement bedroom but he didn't get far before he was yanked backwards.
“You're going outside? Really?” Mikey asked. His hands smoothed over Gerard's cheeks, lowering to his shoulders as his face turned pensive.
Gerard quirked a brow at him.
“Oh,” Mikey grinned. “You're going to see Frank.” It wasn't a question.
“Yeah, so?” Gerard shot back defensively, squirming from Mikey’s hold and lowering his eyes, feeling heat rising through his cheeks. “He's home from tour. I haven't seen him for weeks.”
“I know. He got home days ago. I'm surprised it took you this long to go over.” Mikey eventually let go of Gerard and he was thankful; he took a step back to allow himself a little more personal space.
“Yeah, so… I'm going to see Frank.” Gerard kept his head low, stood frozen on the spot like he was a scared bug and Mikey had him under a magnifying glass. Mikey had always been the most confident between the two and right now Gerard just wanted to disappear. “Okay?”
“Obviously it's okay. Just–” Mikey sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “Keep in touch, okay? Don't disappear on me.”
Gerard nodded. He knew how much he'd scared Mikey with his drinking, he knew how much – despite Mikey being the younger sibling – Mikey worried about him and protected him at all costs. Gerard loved him so much and he appreciated the concern, though it did make him feel suffocated at times. He didn't feel like he deserved all this worry.
“Yeah, I will, I promise.” He reached out gently, taking Mikey’s hand inside his own and swinging them side to side playfully. He looked up at Mikey with a smile. “Thanks, Mikey.”
Mikey smiled and nodded, giving Gerard's hand a gentle squeeze. “Be good, Gee,” he teased, pushing Gerard's hand back towards him slowly. “Go on, better not keep him waiting,”
Gerard hurried back down to his bedroom without saying anything else. He shoved a clean pair of pajamas in his messenger bag, alongside a fresh sketch pad and a new pack of the higher quality pencils he preferred but tried not to use too often because they were expensive. He didn't know if he would find the inclination to draw, but if he did, Frank deserved the higher quality. He smoothed over his hair once again before he checked his phone, seeing that he had just the right amount of time to drive over and still be five minutes early. Before it slipped his mind entirely, he threw a fresh pack of cigarettes in his bag, and hurried out the door.
-
Gerard sat in the driveway outside of Frank's house. The engine was still running, his hands shook where they gripped the steering wheel, and his leg bounced nervously as anxiety seeped through his veins. He didn't know why the hell he was so nervous; they'd been doing this for years. But something about the way his body and his mind had changed over the last four weeks made him worry that he wasn't the same person Frank had last seen. What If Frank didn't like him now that he was sober, and he no longer had the confidence alcohol gave him?
When Frank left for tour, Gerard had promised him that he would stop drinking and work on himself. So this would be the first time Frank had seen Gerard sober. Everything was different now.
It was as if Gerard had to learn how to live again now that he was sober. He had to teach himself how to have normal conversations without over sharing, how to be around his family without reverting to the only crutch he had to stop his palms from sweating; he was sick to death of having damp thighs from constantly drying off his hands. What if he walked in there and didn't even know how to have a conversation? What if he made a total ass of himself, and Frank decided to end things? How could he cope on his own?
The only thing thing that eventually forced Gerardout of his car was his painfully dry mouth and the desperate craving for the really fucking good coffee Frank always had imported in from Columbia. He retrieved the spare key from underneath a decorative plant on the porch and let himself in. He shut and locked the door behind him and stepped out of his shoes, leaving them beside the door. He shrugged off his bag and hung it on the coat rail, then hung his jacket over the top.
The house was warm – exceedingly warm for this time of year – but Gerard didn't mind. He knew Frank felt the cold more than most. He made his way down the hall toward the kitchen and his steps faltered once the counter came into view.
The box was situated on the counter, directly in front of the door so there was no way Gerard could miss it. The lid was placed beneath the box so the contents were displayed; a thin, black leather collar embellished with silver studs. A note sat beneath the box with Frank's messy handwriting:
You know what to do.
Frank had purchased it just over a year ago as a gift. Originally, Gerard hadn't taken well to it but it grew on him over time as the meaning behind it developed between them. Something around the way the collar hugged his throat provided a sense of safety, of comfort, that he'd never find anywhere else. It was symbolic and it meant that – for however long he was wearing it – he didn't need to think. He was safe. Free.
Gerard exhaled a shaky breath as he lifted the collar to his neck and reached around to join the clasps at the back. He took a slow inhale through his nose, exhaling with a light hum and a smile as his eyes fell closed. His hands moved automatically to un-do the buttons on his jeans and he slid out of them with a sigh of relief, folding them carefully before he walked through to the living room and placed them on the couch. He moved next for the hem of his shirt but he stopped, fingers anxiously fiddling with the lining before his hands lowered and decided against removing it. He hoped Frank wouldn't mind.
Gerard went back into the kitchen and took two mugs from the cabinet before he started to make coffee. He placed the pods in the machine and carefully watched the coffee trickle into the mugs while his ears listened for any signs of life within the house. The door to Frank’s basement studio was just to the right of him in the kitchen and Gerard thought that perhaps he would hear Frank playing, but the house was eerily silent. He would have wondered if Frank were even here if he hadn't seen Frank's parked car when he arrived. When the coffee was ready, he picked both mugs up carefully with one hand, taking careful steps toward the studio door before knocking gently and waiting. It took a few seconds until he heard it.
“Come in.”
Gerard took another deep breath before he turned the handle and stepped through, closing the door behind him and descending the stairs with the most care he could manage to not spill any coffee.
Frank's studio – in Gerard's opinion – had always felt like one of the cosiest places on earth. The wall opposite the bottom of the stairs was lined with mixing decks, pedals, laptops and huge computer screens; everything you could possibly need to record music. There was a generously sized sofa (which could be turned into a bed if anybody needed somewhere to crash) to the right, with soft, comfortable blankets and cushions. The walls were lined with years-worth of posters from Frank's own bands or bands he loved, alongside some of Frank's own artwork he'd created as part of his own bands’ promotions. Fairy lights lined the walls and hung from the ceiling like fireflies and, along with the lamp placed in the corner, they worked in a beautiful harmony to fill the room with a soft, amber glow. The right side of the room hosted a small fridge, always stocked with water and Frank's favourite energy drinks, Diet Coke and iced tea. The wall above showcased built in shelves displaying Frank's extensive guitar collection. There were a few special ones which had their own places on the wall, hanging proudly in the midst of the posters. It was beautiful, peaceful; just being down here warmed and soothed Gerard’s senses.
Frank sat with his back to the door, curved over what Gerard could see was a guitar sitting in his lap as he adjusted dials on the mixing desk in front of him. Large headphones sat over his head covering his ears, so Gerard approached carefully and gently so as to not startle him. Frank had heard him knock, so he knew he was there, but Gerard was still careful just in case. The last thing either of them needed were scalds from hot coffee. He placed the mug carefully on the desk beside Frank and hesitated – only for a second or two – before he retreated to the sofa with his own coffee.
From where he had chosen to sit on the sofa, Gerard had a perfect view of Frank's side profile and God, he missed him so much. His hair had grown since he went on tour, and Gerard could see that Frank had started to grow out his facial hair. Gerard had never seen him with this much of a beard but actually, he didn't mind it at all. He wondered how it would feel against his skin. He sipped in his coffee and he watched with practiced patience, made all the more easier with the aid of the collar around his neck and the mindset it put him in.
He smiled to himself as he watched Frank take a generous gulp of the coffee, noticing the way his eyes squinted ever so slightly as he watched the monitor. From what Gerard could see, it looked like Frank was listening back to something repeatedly and changing it – Gerard knew what Frank looked like when he was unhappy with something and that's how Frank looked right now. So Gerard knew it was best to let him work, otherwise it would drive Frank crazy. Gerard didn't mind, really, he enjoyed the quiet. He certainly wasn't opposed to watching Frank work.
Gerard shuffled back until he found the back of the couch and he crossed his legs, holding his mug in his lap. He didn't know how long he watched, waited, sipped his coffee before Frank finally slipped off his headphones and sat back in his chair with a heavy sigh. Gerard watched as Frank closed his eyes and took a few breaths before he turned his head toward Gerard and opened his eyes with a kind smile.
“Hey you.”
“Hey.” Gerard felt heat immediately rush to his cheeks and he lowered his gaze, shuffling where he sat.
“I'm sorry about that. I've just had this part stuck in my head all week. I couldn't get it to sound right.” Frank stood up, holding his guitar by the fretboard and leaned it against the wall carefully before turning to cross the room. He picked up his mug on his way to join Gerard on the sofa.
Gerard kept his eyes low, his thumbs tracing the rim of his coffee cup, while he could feel Frank's eyes all over him.
“Are you doing okay?”
Gerard nodded quickly – too quickly – but still kept his head low. “Yeah absolutely. I'm fine, everything is fine, I'm just,” Gerard paused, sighing gently. “Peachy.”
“You're still going to meetings?”
“Yep.” Gerard exaggerated the P sound. “Every week. Fridays.”
He really hated going to meetings but he knew it was important. As much as he hated them, it really did help to spend an hour with people who understood his struggles. Gerard only hated them because he had no choice in that hour other than to acknowledge his failures. Hopefully over time they would get easier.
“That's good,” Frank said into his mug before taking another sip of coffee. “Do they help? Are the people nice there?”
“Sure. There's Marjory, she smells like cat piss and eats almost all of the good cookies before anybody else gets a chance. And then there's Ed – he's quite interesting. He drowned himself in bourbon for twenty years and then he found God. Apparently that's the only true cure to addiction. Religion. There's…” Gerard looked up while he tried to think. “Oh! There's this kid – Jeremy – he's actually nice. He's younger than me and he's only there because it's court mandated and he is so miserable every week, it's actually funny. He's super passive aggressive but nobody else finds it funny.”
Frank laughed as Gerard rambled. Warmth spread through Gerard's stomach at the sound; he loved hearing Frank laugh and it had been so long.
“He's nice though,” Gerard went on. “He's interested in comics and he's always asking me how to draw different characters.”
“Wow. Sounds like a real mixed bag,” Frank chuckled, leaning forward to put his empty mug on the table. He didn't sit all the way back, he stayed sat forward as he looked at Gerard. “You look good. Better. Healthier.”
Bigger. Gerard gulped nervously, lowering his eyes again. He could hardly stand the way Frank was looking at him. “How was the tour?”
“Uh, yeah, good. Busy. Exhausting. This is the first day I've actually gotten out of bed,” Frank sighed gently, running his fingers through his hair. Gerard didn't think he looked tired. Gerard thought he looked beautiful. “I don't think there will be another one though. This one felt…different. Final. Like we were all saying goodbye without actually saying anything.”
“I'm sorry. I know that can't be easy for you.” Gerard looked up then, finally, and Frank met him with warm eyes and a gentle smile. “You'll figure something out though, right? I mean, you've always been in a band, it would be weird if you weren't.”
“Oh, yeah, totally. I'll figure something out. I'll just have to work more on the site in the meantime. This house costs a lot.” He laughed, but Gerard didn't. His stomach flipped.
“Right, yeah…the site…I forgot about that.”
“Of course you did. It makes you jealous,” Frank stated plainly. Gerard opened his mouth to respond but closed it again. There really wasn't anything he could say. It did make him jealous. He hated the thought of Frank selling his body to strangers on the internet. He wanted to be the only person to enjoy Frank's body but he knew that was probably unreasonable of him. And he was definitely not going to start paying Frank for his time.
“Come here,” Frank said softly, moving further back until he was propped up by the back of the sofa, uncrossing his legs and planting his feet on the floor.
“I'm right here,” Gerard shrugged, looking at Frank with confusion.
“Here.” Gerard watched as Frank pointed to his own thighs. He blushed furiously and his instinct was to apologise but he swallowed it down. He put his mug on the table and lifted himself to his knees, moving over and landing himself in Frank's lap with a giggle. He already felt fucking giddy.
Frank hummed, pulling his lips inwards as his strong hands ran over the smooth skin of Gerard's thighs; Gerard shuddered at the warmth. Frank's hands ran up and down a few times before they stilled, his fingertips just dipping beneath where Gerard's boxers were sitting.
“I've missed you.”
“I've missed you too,” Gerard admitted, his hands resting on Frank's shoulders for stability. “I hate it when you're away.”
“Well, good for you my band is breaking up. Now you're stuck with me.”
“Shut up,” Gerard pushed Frank's shoulder playfully, unashamedly smiling wide; he could feel his body start to relax against Frank's warmth. “You'll probably find another band and end up touring even more.”
“I couldn't do that to you,” Frank assured, reaching up and grazing his fingers along Gerard's jawline gently.
Gerard hummed softly, he tilted his head into the touch and closed his eyes.
“You look so pretty like this.”
Gerard opened his eyes again quickly, wanting to refuse or deflect the compliment, the instinct to tell Frank to shut up stronger than ever, but he tried his best to ignore it. Gerard knew that – despite the voices in his head telling him otherwise – Frank meant every compliment he gave him and while he didn't always take compliments well, Gerard did enjoy it when they came from Frank. He appreciated that Frank hadn't said anything about leaving his shirt on, but he was sure the topic would come up eventually.
“This is different,” Gerard stated as he ran his fingers over the hair covering Frank's jaw and chin, and Frank turned his head to give Gerard a better look. “I think I like it.”
Frank's hands returned to Gerard's hips and slowly began working their way over the smooth curves of his ass, settling at the bottom of Gerard's spine where he arched beautifully and he pushed gently to encourage Gerard to lean forward. He moved easily, lowering closer to Frank with a coy smile.
“Hi,” Gerard whispered with a wide smile.
“Hi there, pretty boy.” Frank used a finger to tuck Gerard's hair behind his ear, allowing his face to be seen. “I like your hair longer. It's cute.”
Gerard blushed and lowered his face, pressing his forehead gently against Frank's. He appreciated how cool Frank's skin felt against his own. “I need to cut it.”
“Mmm, no. No, I don't think so. You should keep it. I like it,” Frank purred. His hands moved up and laced through Gerard's hair. “Means I can do this.” He closed his fists, giving a playful but firm tug and Gerard gasped in response and let out the smallest whimper. Frank's mouth opened in a half-gasp, half-smirk type of expression. “There you are. You're such a good boy, you know that?”
Gerard turned his head to the side so his cheek was pressed against Frank's face and Frank took the opportunity to crane his neck forward and place a testing kiss on Gerard's cheek. He lowered his hands from Gerard's hair and held him by the nape as his lips danced over Gerard's skin.
Gerard exhaled slowly as his mind started to slip away from him, the familiar mindset he so desperately craved finally began flooding in and taking over everything else. Nothing else mattered. It was him, and Frank, and this. This was everything.
“Missed you, Daddy,” Gerard whispered. With his cheek still pressed against Frank's nose, he started to move in slow motions as if he were a puppy pressing its face against its most beloved human; that’s what Frank felt like to Gerard. He whined gently when he felt the warmth of Frank's breath radiate over his neck.
“Fuck, you sound so fucking beautiful when you call me that. I missed you so much, baby boy.” Frank's voice was like velvet against Gerard's ear and the addition of the pet name sent a jolt down Gerard's spine and right to his cock as he started to swell. Gerard rolled his hips testingly, barely, as a gasp fell from his mouth and his body melted further against Frank so they were practically chest to chest. “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”
Frank's question had forced a cold flush through the heat in Gerard's veins, immediately dampening his spirits. He wasn't always the best at putting his emotions into words or even knowing exactly what he was feeling or what he needed to remedy the shitstorm going on inside of him. That was mostly the reason he ended up falling headfirst down the path of addiction; it made his thoughts quiet and he found peace in his most inebriated moments. But now he needed to learn how to find peace elsewhere.
“I think, um…” Gerard started, sitting himself back on his knees so he could look at Frank properly. “Things have just been so weird and new and scary, and it's a lot to take in. Living sober is so scary and loud and–and–” Gerard stuttered, trying to process his thoughts. “Overwhelming.” He sighed when the word felt appropriate. He looked at Frank carefully, trying to work out what he was thinking.
“I just think I’d like… some peace. Some mental peace and quiet where I don't have to think about everything I'm doing and I can just exist without judgement and demands and…” He sighed. “And I missed you.” His voice softened as he reached out, brushing his fingers over Frank's cheek. “And I wanted to spend time with you, y'know? Spend time with someone who treats me with respect. Like I'm a human being with feelings and… Switch my brain off for a while.”
Frank hummed thoughtfully, looking up at Gerard with warm and kind eyes. Although Gerard wasn't making direct eye contact, he could see Frank's burning gaze in his peripheral vision.
“Okay doll,” Frank said gently, his hands moving slowly down Gerard's spine; goosebumps raised across Gerard’s skin at the touch. “You're safe here, I promise. It's just me and you.”
Gerard sighed again and smiled, allowing his eyes to close as he drifted forward to press his forehead against Franks. “Just me and you?”
“Always.”
Frank had made the promise a long time ago that whatever was going on between them was never to be spoken about to their mutual friends. And he'd kept his word; to the outside world they appeared as nothing more than friends, while behind closed doors they kissed and complimented each other fiercely. Gerard sometimes saw the way Frank would gaze at him when nobody else was looking and it would take all of the strength he could muster to not react, to not feel everything simmering beneath the surface.
Gerard couldn't deny how much more heightened his senses were now that he was fully sober; everything felt different, better. Frank's skin felt warmer and the way Gerard's cock was painfully swollen was spreading heat through him in gentle pulses, no doubt turning his cheeks rosy red. Gerard kept his eyes closed as he moved closer, he didn't need to look to be able to find Frank's lips; he was sure he could find them in every universe.
The first touch of their lips was chaste, testing, a soft brush of hungry lips as Gerard's hand spread out over Frank's cheek and Frank's hands became firmer at the back of Gerard's neck. Gerard relaxed closer to Frank's chest and whined delicately as he softened – physically and mentally – and allowed himself to kiss Frank more freely. Passion and want rattled deep inside of him like a caged bird and something about the way Frank reassured him so easily opened the latch and set them free inside of his chest.
Gerard heard the way Frank responded to his advances, a low and deep growl rumbling in his throat as he kissed Gerard back with enthusiasm. It spurred Gerard on, igniting the fire inside him; the sound of it went straight to his dick. Gerard rolled his hips again, with more force this time, and angled in just the right way that his own cock brushed Frank's. Both of them groaned together as their kissing grew breathless and messy.
“Fuck, Gee,” Frank groaned when they broke for air. Gerard finally opened his eyes to meet Frank's wild and dark pupils. Gerard's mouth hung open, his lips felt swollen already, his chest was heaving and his body was on fire.
Frank leaned forward, his lips finding Gerard's neck, while his hand spread through Gerard's hair and pulled his head back to give himself more access. Gerard gasped as his head tipped and his hips automatically rocked forward , both of them moaning in unison.
Gerard's fingertips began to dig into Frank's cheek, while his other hand remained on Frank's shoulder for support. Gerard's underwear felt incredibly tight all of a sudden and he could feel the coolness of the precome soaking the fabric; he was so achingly desperate to be touched. Gerard kept his head tipped back while Frank's lips devoured every inch of skin he could reach above his collar.
“Frankie, please–,” Gerard whined as he lowered his hand from Frank's face, tracing over his shirt before he started to fumble with the drawstring on his sweatpants. He pulled them apart and loosened the waistband before lowering his head and essentially forcing Frank away from his neck. He pushed forward, kissing Frank with so much enthusiasm that their teeth clashed.
“I've got you, angel,” Frank whispered sweetly between open mouthed kisses, his hand coming around to pull Gerard's cock free from his underwear while Gerard worked on getting Frank free from his pants. Gerard arched his back just enough to angle his own cock closer to Frank's, close enough for Frank to wrap his fingers around them both.
The first touch of Frank's fingers felt both dry and incredible. His hips rutted messily into the touch and Frank's free hand came up in between them; he wasted no time before he broke the kiss to spit generously into it. Gerard did the same, adding his own to Frank's palm before he swapped hands, using his now barely lubricated hand to stroke them both simultaneously. Gerard wanted to keep kissing Frank, but the way his body was moving and the way he became instantly breathless made it near-impossible.
He lay his forehead against Frank’s again but the pair maintained eye contact while Frank's movements became more frantic, his fingers sliding over them both at such a rapid pace it made Gerard's head spin.
“Oh my God, Frank… I'm close, fuck.”
“Me too, baby. Come on. Come for me,” Frank encouraged through gritted teeth as he twisted his head again, diving in for Gerard's neck teeth first.
Gerard felt the way Frank sucked at his skin before biting down hard. The immediate rush of pain sent Gerard free falling over the edge and he moaned wildly as he spilled over Frank's shirt and knuckles. Frank kept his hand moving fluidly, milking Gerard beautifully while also pushing himself over the edge. He came freely between their bodies, gasping weakly into Gerard's hair while Gerard sunk down and tried to catch his breath.
There was silence between them for only a beat before Frank was moving again, lifting his hand up towards Gerard's lips. “Hey, look at me. You know what to do.”
Gerard's head snapped quickly towards Frank and his tongue rolled out of his mouth on instinct. He groaned when Frank pushed the pad of his thumb against Gerard's tongue and Gerard lapped around and over the digit, the salty taste melting in his mouth and God, he'd missed it. He moved his tongue over Frank's knuckles the best that he could while gazing up at him through dewy eyelashes before letting out a gentle hum and closing his lips around Frank's fingers, sucking delicately.
Frank looked at him in a way that made Gerard's heart skip; like he was the world.
Once cleaned as much as possible, Frank withdrew his fingers slowly but kept his hand close to Gerard's face, using two fingers and his thumb to grip Gerard's chin and pull him into a kiss.
Gerard couldn't help the way he giggled against Frank's lips, endorphins and long lost dopamine fizzing away in his veins making him giddy.
“Have you eaten today?” Frank asked quietly. Gerard shook his head and Frank smiled in a knowing way. “Okay. Let's go make lunch.”
Gerard climbed off from his seat in Frank's lap before tucking himself back into his underwear and Frank did the same before he stood up. Gerard held out his hand with a smirk and led Frank up the stairs.
Frank's kitchen was nothing short of spectacular. It was definitely Gerard's favourite part of the house, mostly because of the fact that it held literally everything. His mind began to race when he started to try and work out what on earth he could make for them both, but Frank spoke before his thoughts got too frantic.
“What do you feel like eating?” He asked, closing the door to the studio behind him. Gerard turned to face him, keeping their fingers interlocked while he rested his hip against the island.
“I don't mind. I'm easy.” Gerard kept his voice quiet – almost childlike – while he swayed their hands and shuffled where he stood. He was torn between wanting to take over and make food without question, and being told what to make just because he didn't want to think about anything.
“Now we both know that is not true,” Frank joked and Gerard blushed fiercely.
Frank moved forward into Gerard's space, his hands gripping Gerard's thighs and lifting him effortlessly until he was sat on the island. Gerard automatically wrapped his legs around Frank's waist and leaned down to kiss him. Both of them hummed against each other's lips; it was clear to see how much they had missed each other's company.
“Okay,” Frank mumbled while he pulled Gerard's bottom lip between his teeth with a playful smirk. “There's eggs and avocado in the fridge, and there's sourdough in the pantry. Think you can do something with those?” Frank asked before kissing Gerard again, firmer this time, his hands digging into the supple skin of Gerard's hips.
Gerard wondered if Frank had even noticed that he'd put weight on, or if he had noticed and just didn't care. Gerard couldn't help but pick up on the fact that Frank had kept all of his touches strictly above the shirt. Part of him appreciated it, part of him wanted more. Gerard broke the kiss by tipping his head back and Frank immediately pressed his mouth to the hollow of Gerard's throat, groaning with delight.
“Yeah. Yeah, sure. I can totally–ah!” Gerard exclaimed when Frank's teeth clamped down on a chunk of flesh beneath Gerard's collar, this time on the opposite side to the previous bite which was no doubt blooming into a bruise already. “Jesus, you're gonna eat me alive.”
“I fucking missed you,” Frank growled when he took his mouth from Gerard's neck, peppering smaller and gentle kisses around the area as if to heal the wound. “Okay. You make food, I'm gonna change.” Frank gave Gerard a gentle slap to his ass before lowering him back to the floor, kissing his forehead and heading toward the stairs.
Gerard moved around the kitchen quickly, gathering ingredients while going through lists in his head of everything he would need. He found a container of cherry tomatoes in the fridge that still looked good so he grabbed those too.
He got a bowl, two plates and a frying pan which he put on the stove and turned the heat on low. Gerard hummed to himself mindlessly as he cracked eggs into the bowl and began to stir them, seasoning them generously before he twirled back to the stove and added butter to the pan to melt before he added the eggs. While they cooked, he put the bread in the toaster and started on the avocado, halving them and removing the stone so he could slice them equally. He stirred the eggs quickly but carefully before turning back to the toaster, retrieving the toast and placing it on the plates. He added a generous amount of butter before carefully layering the slices of avocado, adding the chilli flakes and salt on top. Once the eggs were finished he laid them generously on each plate before adding the tomatoes on the side. When everything was plated, he set the plates on the island in front of the stools there.
Gerard's eager ears heard Frank coming downstairs but he kept his back to him while he made fresh coffee for them both.
“You look so pretty in my kitchen,” Frank complimented as he walked back into Gerard's space, taking his seat at the island in front of one of the plates. “You'd make a perfect house husband.”
Gerard's cheeks filled with warmth at the thought and his stomach flipped. Such an idea felt so surreal, so impossible, he never let himself think about things like that. It scared him that – clearly – Frank was thinking about things like that. Gerard chose not to say anything as he turned and placed the fresh coffee in front of Frank before taking a seat beside him
“Don't let it get cold,” he mumbled, picking up his own fork and moving around the eggs on his plate.
The pair ate in silence and Gerard chuckled at the way Frank groaned in satisfaction. He wondered how long it had been since Frank had eaten a nutritious, home cooked meal.
“That was perfect.” Frank pushed his plate away once he'd finished and Gerard's eyes widened comedically, he'd practically inhaled his food and Gerard wasn't even half way through.
“It's no problem,” Gerard hummed, “I like to cook.”
“You should cook for me more often. Maybe then I'd stop getting fat,” Frank laughed as he sipped his coffee.
He clearly found his comment amusing but the subject made dread fill Gerard's stomach like a lead weight. He had noticed that Frank looked a little more full than he had when he went on tour but he would never comment on it or bring it up. The only weight he cared about was his own.
“Don't say that. You look good,” Gerard said quietly, suddenly no longer wanting to finish his food. He pushed his plate away.
“It's not a bad word, Gee. You must be blind if you haven't noticed how much weight I put on during this tour. For the record, I don't care. I'm just saying… it would be nice if I had your cooking instead of shitty takeout and gas station food.”
Gerard hummed thoughtfully, his head resting on his fist and his eyes focusing on Frank's empty plate. He hadn't taken into account how painfully insecure he would feel once his unfiltered, sober thoughts came to life. The cruel and vicious voices whispering to him that he was no longer beautiful and desirable were replaced with a hollow shell of the person he once was. Instead a bigger, quieter, more timid version of himself. How could anybody find that beautiful?
“Hey,” Frank said softly, turning in his seat and placing a hand over Gerard's bare thigh. The touch was appreciated and it seemed to immediately calm Gerard's mind. “You're in your head. What's going on?”
“Nothing,” Gerard shot back automatically, defensively. Part of him wanted to move away from Frank's touch, part of him wanted to rip apart Frank's ribcage and climb inside. The silence surrounding them now felt thick and deafening.
“How's work?” Frank asked, a welcome change in conversation. Gerard sighed gently as he tried to redirect his thoughts enough to answer the question.
“It's fine. It's…ugh,” he groaned, his head falling forward and laying on his arm on the countertop. “I get that I'm just a server, like I totally understand that I am nothing to these people but it would just be nice if they treated me like a human being and not an animal.” Gerard lifted his head, staring at Frank's tattooed knuckles over his thigh. “People are just so horrible sometimes and it's a lot to deal with.”
Gerard worked at a diner close to his house. The diner held a special place in his heart, having spent countless hours there with his friends (Frank included) when they had been younger. He'd spent nights there, waiting for the concoction of booze and pills he’d consumed to wear off. He'd hidden there when he felt like he was too fucked up to go home and face his mom. The owner, Larry, had always been kind to him and looked after him. So it only made sense when Gerard approached Larry on day two of sobriety to ask for a job. The job itself actually was quite easy; he served food and coffee, took orders through to the kitchen and cleared away tables when patrons had left. It was fine, it was money and it was better than nothing. But people were so rude. And Gerard wasn't the kind of person to let it go over his head; he internalised every word of criticism and let them fester inside him like some kind of deadly poison, eating away at him from the inside out.
“Maybe I'll come over one day. Order everything on the menu just so I can watch you work, I bet you look hot in that little apron,” Frank teased, leaning closer to Gerard and giving his thigh a gentle squeeze.
“Oh my God, please don't. I will literally die if you're there looking at me like… that,” Gerard pointed up towards Frank's face, knowing full well that Frank's eyes were locked on him.
Frank stepped down from the stool and turned Gerard in his seat so they were eye to eye. Frank stepped between Gerard's thighs, his hands smoothing around to settle on Gerard's back. “Looking at you like what?”
“Like you love me,” Gerard said slowly, lowering his eyes because sometimes eye contact was just too much.
“How does that make you feel?”
“Scared. Sad.”
“Why sad?”
“Because I think you deserve better. You deserve more than I can give you. I mean – Jesus, Frank. Look at you!” Gerard practically squeaked. “You have this house and your band and all this money. You're… you're someone. You're something in this world and I'm just… I'm nobody. I'm not worth your time.” Gerard suddenly felt tears building as his chest tightened, his fears bubbling closer to the surface. “Imagine how fucking embarrassing it would be for you if people knew about us. Imagine the way people would think about how much you've lowered your standards by sleeping with someone like me. You deserve better.”
Frank listened while Gerard spoke, his hands remaining firm around Gerard's waist. If he was angry or upset he didn't show it.
“Gerard,” he said gently, “do you think I'm doing this because I have no other choice?”
“I don't know why you're doing this. I think maybe because you feel sorry for me because I'm just a fucking mess.”
“I don't feel sorry for you,” Frank said firmly while his hand moved from his back to take Gerard's chin and lift his head, forcing him to make eye contact again. “I fucking admire you.”
“Shut up. You don't mean that.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
Gerard groaned because Frank had never lied to him. He had always been brutally honest.
“You're only saying that because I'm upset. You're trying to make me feel better.” Gerard dismissed.
“Baby, I'm saying it because I mean it. You think I don't have a choice here? Trust me, I have had plenty of choices. I'm fucking hot and I've had people falling over themselves to sleep with me on tour. You really think I'd cheat on you?”
“We're not together. It wouldn't be cheating,” Gerard shrugged.
“How long have you known me?”
“Uh…five years? I think.”
“And how long have we had this arrangement?”
Gerard sighed heavily. “Three years, four months and thirteen days…”
Frank huffed a laugh. “Right.” Gerard could hear the light smile in his voice. “So please, believe me when I tell you that you are the only person I have slept with for three years...” Frank pressed a kiss to Gerard's cheek. “Four months…” And another, closer to his ear. “And thirteen days,” he whispered, his teeth teasing the tip of the cartilage.
“What about what you do on the site? That could be defined as cheating.” Gerard pressed his hands to Frank's chest to push him back a little. He really fucking hated that site but he felt powerless to do anything about it; he had no right to tell Frank what he could or couldn't do with his body or how he chose to make money.
“I told you about that when it first started and you told me it was fine. Plus, they don't get me like that. They get five minute videos of me jerking off and making fake ass noises. They don't even see my face. Nobody gets me like you do.”
Gerard looked up at Frank with soft, wide eyes. The low level of anger and jealousy was still simmering inside him, but he didn't want to fight. “I'm sorry. I don't want to fight,” he admitted. “I just want to spend time with you.”
“Don't apologise. I'm not a mind reader and it helps to know how you feel,” Frank assured, his hand brushing over Gerard's face lovingly. “Thank you for being honest with me.” He moved forward to place a soft kiss against Gerard’s lips.
“I have a little more work to do downstairs. Wanna join me?”
“Mmm, please.” Gerard kissed Frank again, and again, and again. His appetite started to come back. “Can I finish my food first?”
“Of course. I'll head down, you finish your meal and join me when you're ready. There's some cold drinks in the fridge, bring a few down.” He kissed Gerard's forehead again before stepping away and disappearing through the door to the studio.
Gerard turned to finish off his food, uncaring of the way it had gone cold. He cleared away their plates and loaded them into the dishwasher, along with the pan and bowl he had used, then cleaned the counters where he'd prepared the food and where they had eaten. Once he was satisfied everywhere was sufficiently cleaned he headed to the fridge.
The first thing he saw was the beer on the bottom shelf. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it the first time he was in the fridge, but then he realised that it had been hidden behind other items. Gerard felt a bit unsteady gazing at the label before realizing Frank had clearly tried to hide it so as to not trigger or upset him. He smiled warmly at the thought. Looking at it more closely, he also noticed that it was the particular brand Gerard favoured when he was drinking. So it must have simply been leftover from before. He grabbed a bottle of water for himself and another for Frank before shutting the door and heading down to the studio.
Frank was situated back at the desk where he had been when Gerard arrived. Gerard put the bottles next to Frank before he turned to look at the couch. He didn't want to sit there again; he wanted to be closer. He grabbed two of the blankets draped over the back of the couch along with as many cushions as his hands could hold. He turned back and dumped them on the floor beside Frank's feet, kneeling down to flatten out the blankets and arrange the cushions so he would be comfortable. He sat forward on his knees before he turned to sit cross legged, facing Frank.
“You wanna be close to me, huh?” Frank chuckled.
“Yes, Daddy. Please,” Gerard whispered, leaning forward to press his face against Frank's knee. Frank's hand worked its way into Gerard's hair, as if he were petting him.
“Okay puppy, this shouldn't take too long. I just have a few little parts to smooth out.”
Gerard hummed again in acknowledgment as he closed his eyes. Frank turned back to face the screen he was working on and Gerard kept his head resting against Frank's thigh. His mind quickly became quiet, focusing on the gentle sounds of Frank tapping on his keyboard or the soft sounds of him humming in thought; Gerard wasn't sure if the noises were good or bad, but it was nice to hear him all the same. He could feel the way his mind started to soften at the edges as his consciousness started to slip. He welcomed the fall.
Gerard didn't know how long he'd been sitting beside Frank, resting against him with his eyes closed and a perfect sense of peace surrounding him. His body ached a little when he shifted which made him whine, and he opened his eyes to look up at Frank.
“Welcome back my love,” Frank greeted him warmly, offering a smile. “Comfortable?”
Gerard nodded. He didn't want to talk anymore; his mind finally felt calm and he didn't want to disrupt that. He shifted his legs awkwardly to sit up on his knees, pushing himself into the space between the desk and Frank's knees so he fit neatly in the space beneath. He pressed his face to the inside of Frank's knee again, firmer this time, smoothing his face further up the inside of Frank's thigh and lifting himself just enough so that he didn't hit himself on the desk. He could only reach the bottom of Frank's belly like this, he figured that would have to do. His hands pushed Frank's shirt up as far as he could reach and Frank sat further back in his chair. Gerard knew that Frank wouldn't question his actions, instead he simply allowed Gerard to do whatever he wanted.
Gerard pressed his mouth to the skin above Frank's belly button, groaning gently in delight at the taste of him. Frank was right, he had put weight on, and Gerard absolutely fucking loved it. It gave him more skin to touch and kiss, more to grip on to and hold, just more. And Gerard always needed more.
Frank hummed gently, his hands working through Gerard's hair but not guiding him. Gerard worked his mouth over as much skin as he could reach, his hand moving up to gently palm Frank through his pants. He was happy to find Frank already responding, half hard in his palm and growing by the second. Gerard slid his mouth further, his teeth nipping playfully and Frank gasped softly in response. Gerard's eager hands pulled at the waistband of Frank's pants and Frank lifted his hips so that they could be pulled down.
Gerard immediately took Frank into his mouth and revelled in the feeling of Frank's cock swelling against his tongue. He sealed his lips and moved back and forth, flicking his tongue gently over the slit when he reached the top.
“Fuck the song, it can wait,” Frank huffed, “Oh God, Gee. Yeah, just like that,” he encouraged and Gerard looked up at him through his eyelashes just as Frank's head tipped against the back of the chair.
Gerard lowered his eyes again, focusing his efforts on what his mouth was doing.
“So fucking good to me, aren't you, hmm?”
Gerard hummed around Frank's cock, refusing to stop to give an answer. He sped up his movements, hollowing his cheeks to suck Frank the way he liked while he wrapped his fingers around the shaft beneath his lips and slid them up and down in time with his mouth.
Frank moaned freely, his breath getting heavier while he threw a flurry of compliments towards Gerard: you're so beautiful, such a pretty mouth, such a good boy. Gerard took them all in but didn't address them, he only had one thing in mind. He could feel how close Frank was getting by the way he twitched against Gerard's tongue and the salty taste of precome coated his throat. Frank's fingers grew tighter in Gerard's hair and Gerard sped up his efforts; lustful, giddy and a little bit drunk on the thought of making Frank come. The noise that came from him when his head was abruptly lifted off was something caught between a choke and a cry.
“I–what–,” Gerard stuttered, looking up at Frank in confusion while his mouth hung open and his chest heaved. “Why’d you stop me?”
Frank groaned gently and Gerard watched the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed. “You can't make me come yet,” he said plainly, still looking at the ceiling. He stayed that way for a few seconds before his head fell forward and he looked at Gerard, his pupils wide and glossy. “I need to film a custom for the site and I need to come for that. So if you make me come now I won't be able to and that'll lose me seventy bucks.”
Gerard sat back on his knees, his eyes widening as Frank spoke. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Calm down baby, please. You're gonna like what I have in mind.” Frank pushed his still swollen cock back into his sweatpants before moving back in his chair. “Trust me. Come on.” He held his hand out to Gerard who stared at him angrily for a second before accepting the gesture and standing up. Frank led them both up the stairs and out of the studio. They walked through the living room and up the stairs and Gerard quickly figured out where they were headed: Frank's bedroom.
Gerard's mind was still floaty, half in and half out, so he didn't put up much of a fight. He was sure that he'd have a thing or two to say about this when he felt more like himself but for now he chose to simply follow. He gasped in surprise when Frank turned and lifted him by his thighs, pressing Gerard’s back to the wall at the top of the stairs and kissed him fiercely. Gerard wrapped his legs around Frank's waist and kissed him back with a moan, his hands holding Frank's shoulders and his back arching into Frank's chest. Things felt different now, more hungry, more animalistic. More passionate. Frank kissed Gerard like he was starved of touch, his tongue sliding into Gerard's mouth and Gerard welcomed him. Frank stepped back carefully, taking gentle steps into his bedroom and before he broke the kiss, offering a teasing smirk as he dropped Gerard abruptly onto the bed.
Gerard bounced against the mattress and he spread out where he lay, preening beneath Frank's watchful eye. He watched as Frank ran his tongue over his bottom lip, enjoying the show in front of him. Gerard was aware of his shirt riding up but – surprisingly – he didn't care all that much.
“Up there.” Frank pointed toward the headboard and Gerard scrambled his clumsy limbs to push himself up until he sat flush against the pillows. He watched Frank carefully; not sure what to expect next.
Frank turned his back and walked to the other side of the room, opening a drawer in his dresser and moving some things around before he turned back to the bed. Gerard gulped nervously when he saw what Frank was holding: a camera and a tripod.
“Are you going to record me?” Gerard asked nervously.
“No, baby. But you are going to help,” Frank chuckled as he went to his bedside table. Gerard didn't see what he retrieved and shoved beneath the pillows, too busy looking at the camera in his hand.
“Oh am I?” Gerard shot back, folding his arms over his chest and squirming where he sat. He watched Frank as he put the camera on the bed beside the pillows before he climbed on, crawling his way closer until he was between Gerard's legs and he moved further up to kiss him gently.
“Yeah, you will,” Frank whispered between the presses of their lips. “Because I'm asking you to, and good boys do as they're asked.” He began to lower himself slowly, his mouth leaving a wet trail as he spread generous kisses over Gerard's neck before he moved further down and mouthed at Gerard's half hard cock through his underwear.
Gerard groaned gently, his head falling back against the headboard while Frank's hands held Gerard by his hips and urged him down just a few inches. He pulled down the waistband of Gerard's underwear and discarded them carelessly once Gerard had wriggled out of them.
Frank moved even lower, missing out Gerard's cock completely, using his hands at the back of Gerard's knees to lift his legs. He was practically folded in half but it didn't matter in the slightest, Frank pressed the flat of his tongue against Gerard's hole and sparks instantly shot through Gerard's veins like fireworks.
“Isn't that right, baby?” He asked with a tortuous swirl of his tongue.
Gerard couldn’t remember what Frank had been asking. He couldn’t even remember why he was in a mood just moments before. “Fuck, yeah, whatever you want,” he whined. It was fucking impossible to feel anything other than pure joy when he had Frank's tongue in his ass.
“Yeah. That's what I thought.” Frank spat against Gerard's hole and Gerard gasped at the heat he felt against him, whining gently whenFrank's fingers gently swirled and pushed at his entrance.
It had been weeks since he'd been touched like this, but his body remembered, accommodating Frank's finger with ease. There wasn't much of a burn but Gerard knew they would need lube if he were to take any more, he turned his head toward the night stand with a whine. Frank understood.
“I've got you,” he assured, retrieving a bottle of lube from beneath the pillow and popping open the cap. He poured a generous amount over Gerard's hole and it forced him to gasp at the contrasting temperatures. “There we go. Perfect. So fucking wet for me.”
Gerard groaned weakly when Frank added another finger; this time the stretch did burn a little but it was bearable, overpowered by the pleasure swarming deep inside of him. Gerard's back arched and his breath caught when Frank crooked his fingers. “Oh!”
Frank groaned with a pleased smile, leaning forward and pressing his lips to the skin of Gerard's perineum, gliding his tongue over the area before moving up and taking the tip of Gerard's cock into his mouth. Gerard cried out, the feeling of Frank's fingers swirling over his prostate alongside his tongue over the slit of his cock felt overwhelming and fucking incredible. His fists clenched against the sheets beneath him, his body shuddering as Frank fingered and sucked him simultaneously. Honestly, at this point, Frank could put Gerard in the middle of a fifteen hooker gangbang and Gerard would say thank you. He couldn't possibly be angry at Frank when he made him feel this good.
Frank scissored his fingers gently, gradually making way for a third and the sensation was almost too much, almost. He needed more. “Frank, please, need you,”
“Oh, I know you do,” Frank purred, popping his lips from Gerard's cock and laughing gently; Gerard was sure he looked fucked out already. “You'll get me soon enough.”
“No,” Gerard whined petulantly. “Not soon. Now.”
Gerard’s hands lifted but were stopped by Frank's free hand, fingers wrapping around his wrists. Frank's fingers remained curled against Gerard's prostate and now his wrists were pinned to his chest, like some kind of erotic prisoner.
“Oh baby, you tryin’ to be the boss now? Is that what you want?”
Gerard's breath shuddered and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt his attitude die in his chest. “No… no. M’sorry Daddy.”
“Good boy. You'll get what you want, you just have to be a little patient. It's been a month. Let me enjoy you.” Frank let go of Gerard's wrists and Gerard let his hands fall back against the bed while Frank began to gently withdraw his fingers. Gerard groaned at the emptiness he felt and he watched as Frank moved his lube slick hand beneath the pillow and pulled out… Oh.
Gerard's eyes became impossibly wide and Frank laughed at his reaction. “Yeah, I thought that would quiet you down,” Frank purred, licking a broad stripe along the underside of Gerard's cock. “So, here's what's going to happen…”
Gerard watched carefully as Frank poured a generous amount of lube over the head of the thick, black plug. He flinched when the head of it was pressed to his entrance.
“You're going to sit there, you're going to watch me,” Frank paused, his eyes flicking from watching his own actions to Gerard's face. “And you're going to be quiet. You can do that for me, can't you baby?” He started to push the plug in.
Gerard whined, his body tensing slightly at the intrusion but only for a second, he soon relaxed and his body fell slack against the pillows. Once the plug was in all the way he felt perfectly full, but he still wanted more. Frank kissed the inside of his thigh before climbing off the bed and grabbing the tripod and camera.
“Sit up and cross your legs.”
Gerard moved slowly, pulling his heavy legs up and crossing them. The movement shifted the plug inside of him and he gasped gently, followed by a giggle. He placed his hands on his thighs and waited for his next instruction, watching as Frank placed the tripod carefully in the space between Gerard’s crossed legs and switched on the camera. His eyes darted between the small view screen on the camera and Frank himself, as he pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his sweatpants.
It only occurred to Gerard then that this was the first time he was seeing all of Frank, and fucking hell he looked incredible. He had definitely filled out a little more since Gerard had last seen him but it suited him so well, he looked so strong and masculine. Gerard's mouth was watering at the thought of Frank hovering over him, smothering him with strong muscles and tattooed skin. He wanted Frank in every possible way.
Frank lowered himself onto the bed in front of the camera, sitting on his knees comfortably, all the while watching Gerard so intensely, the younger man's skin felt as if it were on fire. Gerard could see that Frank was still – or again, Gerard wasn't really sure – hard beneath his underwear.
Gerard leaned forward eagerly, desperately wanting to reach out and touch Frank. He was sure his tongue was about to roll out of his mouth at any moment.
“Ah ah,” Frank cooed, holding up a finger to Gerard in silent warning. “Sit.”
Gerard scowled, slowly receding and leaning back against the headboard.
“Stay.” Frank said firmly and Gerard's cock twitched in response.
“Okay, press record,” Frank instructed. Gerard reached forward to press the button at the top of the camera. He watched the small red digits light up on the screen to show that it was recording before his eyes went back to Frank.
Frank sat back on his knees, stretching his torso back just enough to push his hips out so his clothed cock was in full view. The only parts of him captured by the camera were the bottom half of the tattoos across his stomach and the very tops of his thighs but even that was enough to send Gerard into a frenzy.
Frank started slow. One hand remained behind him to hold him up while the other began sliding over his stomach, his heavily tattooed fingers digging into the flesh teasingly slow before he moved down and ran his palm over his cock.
Gerard wished he could look at two things at once; Frank's palm pressing against his dick and his flushed face, open mouth and wide eyes.
He's so fucking beautiful.
Gerard shifted where he sat – accidentally (purposely, really) nudging the plug inside of him – as his body grew warmer. His own cock started to take notice, rapidly filling and swelling at the sight of Frank's actions. The show he was putting on.
“You see what you do to me?” Frank said in a low voice. “Don't you see what you do to me? How fucking turned on you make me? How desperate I am for you?”
Gerard gulped, trying desperately to control his breathing but it felt next to impossible when Frank was fucking staring at him like that. It quickly became apparent that – although the customer would think Frank was talking to them – he was addressing Gerard alone. Heat built in Gerard's body faster than he had ever felt before. The thought of Frank sending videos like this to people had once made him insanely jealous but right now it was making him unbelievably aroused.
Gerard dared to move, pressing his palm against his own cock gently and he watched as Frank pulled his bottom lip between his teeth; seemingly pleased with the effect he was having. Gerard was careful in his movements so he didn't disturb the camera between his legs, realising quickly that Frank had put it there to keep him still.
“Let me just–ah–grab something to make this a little easier,” Frank said, leaning towards the pillows and stealing a kiss to the outside of Gerard's knee. His hand slipped beneath the pillows and Gerard had no idea what he was doing until–
The plug inside of him burst to life, a strong vibration pulsing against him and Gerard gasped, biting down on his lip to hold back the moan erupting from his throat. He heard Frank chuckle before he moved back with a bottle of lube in hand. Frank sat back in front of the camera, shuffling down his underwear to free himself and he groaned in relief.
“Fuck, look how hard I am. All for you,” Frank said in that hauntingly gorgeous voice that made Gerard's insides turn to jelly and his cock twitch desperately.
Frank popped open the cap on the lube before pouring a liberal amount over himself, sighing as he spread it over his shaft. The noise was fucking obscene and gorgeous.
Gerard carefully pulled his own underwear down and wrapped a hand around himself, gently sliding up and down; he wished he had a drop of lube for himself but that was the least of his worries, especially when Frank smirked and gave him an encouraging nod.
Frank's hand started to move faster, the wet noise filling the space between them. Gerard was almost certain that it wouldn't take long for Frank to finish given how close he'd gotten him down in the studio. Frank moaned gently as he squeezed his fingers around himself, bringing to attention how flush the head of his cock was, how much he was leaking. For Gerard.
“I'm so fucking wet for you, God. I know how much you want me. You want me so bad, don't you?” Frank asked, staring deeply into Gerard’s fucking soul at that point and Gerard nodded, biting harder on his own lip. He dragged his fingers over himself, running his thumb over his glistening wet tip. The plug inside of him buzzed away and Gerard inched his hips forward just enough for it to sit against his prostate.
Frank covered the gasp Gerard made with an obscene moan, as he squeezed his hand and pumped himself perfectly. Gerard knew he was close now; he could hear it in the way Frank's breath shook.
“Fuck, gonna come for you baby,” Frank whined, his hips starting to push up into his hand and Gerard nodded again as he felt his own orgasm building steadily, urged along by the vibration in his ass and the dry touch of his hand. He shifted his hips again to move the plug and his mouth fell open as his eyes burned and remained painfully locked with Frank's and he watched as Frank leaned back into an arch and stretched his torso as he came freely over his belly and chest. All it took was for Gerard to look at the come dripping over Frank's tattoos to send him over the edge and he shoved his fist into his mouth, painfully holding back noises as he came on his shirt.
Frank closed his eyes – finally – and he let his head fall forward with a satisfied, sexy laugh. “Hope you enjoyed the show,” he said sweetly before reaching forward to press the record button, ending the video.
“Oh my fucking god,” Gerard groaned. “Please turn it off, I can't–” He whined, flustered and overwhelmed by the plug still inside him.
Frank chuckled deeply before he reached over and used the remote to switch it off. Gerard sighed in relief.
“You're fucking crazy,” Gerard sighed as he let his weight fall back against the headboard, giggling breathlessly but hysterically while his body shuddered. “You know that? Absolutely fucking crazy.”
“That much is true,” Frank laughed, clearing away the camera and tripod and quickly crawling closer. Gerard uncrossed his legs to allow Frank closer and he quickly took up the space, hovering above Gerard carefully before kissing him deeply. “Good thing you love me like this. Crazy and all.”
Gerard didn't say anything – he couldn't – so he settled for reaching up and kissing Frank again and he moaned gently against the older man's lips. Frank didn't say anything else about it either. Gerard watched as Frank began to reach for the plug and he grabbed Frank's wrist, shaking his head in a silent plea to leave it in.
“Fuck, I–ugh, do you have a shirt I could borrow?” Gerard asked when Frank began to recede, climbing off the bed and disappearing into the bathroom to clean up.
“You could just leave it off,” Frank suggested casually and Gerard groaned inwardly.
He knew – obviously – he could do that but he really didn't want to think about all of the things he hated about himself. Not now. Not after the show Frank had just put on all for him.
“No, it's fine. I'll just…” Gerard sighed as he tucked his softening cock back into his underwear and shuffled his way off of the bed, crossing the room towards Frank's wardrobe. “Just stay there for a sec, I'll find one.” He looked through the options before settling on a favourite of his and Frank's: Iron Maiden. He pulled off his own soiled shirt and threw it in the corner with the rest of the laundry before hurriedly pulling the fresh one on.
“Okay, you can come in.” Gerard ran a hand through his hair, he knew it was beyond keeping tidy now but he at least wanted to try.
“You know something?” Frank said as he sauntered back in, still wearing only his underwear. “I have seen you naked, more times than I can count. I am also quite a fan of seeing you naked. In fact, I'm a supporter, a real big fan,” Frank rambled as he crossed the room, stopping as he stood in front of Gerard with a playful smile. Gerard rolled his eyes.
“Obviously you've set the boundary for today and please understand that is fine. I just would like to know why,” Frank said gently as he lifted his hand to cup Gerard's cheek. “Please, just help me understand.”
Gerard really didn't want to have this conversation now. Maybe tomorrow or the next day…or maybe even the next week, but he didn't want his horrible intrusive thoughts and insecurities to ruin the beautiful little bubble they had surrounding them. He swallowed nervously, not able to meet Frank's eyes, he chose instead to focus on the dip in Frank's throat where his collarbones came together. He loved to kiss him there.
“I guess I forgot to eat a lot of the time when I was drinking,” he started quietly, “and since I've stopped I've just… gotten bigger. And I don't like it. It's like I can constantly feel it. When people say I look better, that I look healthier, what they're really telling me is that I look bigger.”
He paused to try and gather his thoughts. His hands swung uselessly by his sides, heavy and awkward. “And it's probably not even as much as I think it is. But I just feel like I've changed so much – physically – since you last saw me, and I'm scared that you'll just…” He sighed hopelessly, slowly lifting his eyes until he met Frank's. “That you'll be disgusted. That you'll finally realise how ugly I am and you won't want me anymore. So I just think… if you don't see that part of me then you won't leave. I won't lose you.” The last few words came out broken as Gerard began to cry, and he finally mustered up the strength to lift his hands and clutch at Frank's shirt. “I don't want to lose you. I can't–”
“Okay,” Frank said softly, interrupting Gerard's shame spiral; Gerard was grateful for it. “Come with me.”
Frank grabbed Gerard's hand quicker than Gerard could comprehend and started dragging him toward the bathroom. He turned to hold Gerard by his shoulders and manhandled him until he stood in front of the very large bathroom mirror. He reached beside Gerard to flick on the lights to illuminate it, drenching him in harsh, white light.
“Frank!” Gerard yelped, covering his eyes at the burst of light. “Ugh, what are you doing?”
“You don't love yourself right now. And that's okay, that's completely understandable. You're figuring out this whole new side of you. So, you're gonna stand here and you're going to watch while I show you – and tell you – all of the things I love about you.”
“I don't wanna do this…” Gerard tried to move, to squirm away from his reflection in the mirror but he was held in place by strong hands on his shoulders.
“Stay.” Frank said firmly, his voice a fraction deeper and that tone was enough to make Gerard's feet sink into the floor.
Gerard whined desperately, but he stayed. He kept his head low but that was quickly changed when Frank's fingers gripped his chin and tipped his head up so he had no choice but to look at himself in the mirror. He wanted to crawl out of his skin, for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He felt like he was burning but also like he'd been plunged into ice water. He felt confronted. And he couldn't tell just yet if he liked it or not. His eyes glanced to where Frank was standing behind him as he let go of Gerard's shoulders and knelt down slowly.
“Here,” Frank said quietly. Gerard couldn't see him anymore in the mirror so he had to rely solely on where his skin tingle beneath Frank's fingertips on the back of his thigh. “You have four moles that would look like a heart if I played connect the dots.”
Gerard tried his best to stay still – he really did – but it felt next to impossible, especially when he felt the warmth of Frank's lips against the tender skin behind his thighs. His whole body shuddered and he nearly collapsed. He tried his best to focus his senses so he could pay attention to what Frank's next move was.
Gerard was startled when he felt Frank's cool fingers at the base of his spine – beneath his shirt this time – and the skin on his arms rose. He exhaled slowly when he felt Frank's fingers press into the dimples there. “Here you have a little cluster of veins. You'll never see them but I've seen them. They look like bolts of lightning, the kind you get when summer gets too hot and humid and mother nature gets pissed off.”
Gerard hummed gently when Frank stood up, standing so close behind Gerard that he could feel the heat against his back. Frank's hands started to move slowly around Gerard's hips, specifically around the parts he now felt insecure and self conscious about. His fists clenched by his sides, he felt even more desperate now to run and hide somewhere safe.
“Frankie, please–”
“Here,” he said, louder than Gerard. “You have a few little stretch marks. You have always had them. They are natural, they are part of who you are and I love tracing my fingers over them.” Frank’s voice was sweet as syrup as he dragged his fingers gently over Gerard's sides, pulling his shirt higher. “They're so pretty, Gee. Sometimes when the light hits your skin just right, they shine. Sometimes I like to run my fingers over them when you're asleep and it makes you smile.”
Gerard watched himself in the mirror as his stomach became visible and it was…weird. Gerard hadn't looked at himself properly for weeks. The image he had of himself in his head certainly did not match the one looking back at him, it really wasn't as bad as he thought it was…
Gerard began to squirm more as Frank's fingers raked over the skin of his ribs. Not because he was uncomfortable but because it tickled and he giggled softly while his cheeks rushed with heat. Frank's hands continued to move further up until Gerard was unconsciously lifting his arms so Frank could remove his shirt entirely. He hadn't realised how much the shirt had been weighing him down but as soon as he heard it drop to the floor, he felt lighter.
“And here.” Frank's voice pulled Gerard from his busy thoughts and he looked in the mirror, focusing his senses. This time Frank's fingers were pressed to the skin at the back of Gerard's bicep. “You have a birth mark shaped like Texas. But it's really pale and it only really shows in the summer when you're all nice and tanned.” Frank leaned forward and pressed his lips to the skin there. Gerard's breath caught in his throat.
Gerard melted into Frank's warmth when he felt his arms wrap around him; his large, strong hands smoothing over Gerard's chest, stopping just above each of his nipples.
“And finally, here.” Frank spoke so close to Gerard's ear he could feel his breath. His finger tapped just beneath a small, fawn coloured mole just below his collarbone. “I love kissing you here. You make the most gorgeous, perfect sounds when I do. I always kiss you here.”
Frank was right – he did always kiss Gerard there – and Gerard had never put much thought into it. Now it had been mentioned, Gerard's mind filled with all of the images of Frank's lips locked around the skin there.
“Sometimes when I can't sleep and I'm lying in bed thinking of you,” Frank went on, “I wonder if you'd have still had all of these perfect little pieces of yourself in a past life.”
“I don't know if I believe in all that stuff,” Gerard mumbled, his own hands lifting to lace fingers with Frank's where they lay over his chest. “Seems a little far-fetched to me.”
“No way. It has to be true. Because I know we could end up together in every possible universe. No matter what.” Frank finally lifted his head enough for Gerard to look at him properly and it felt like a relief. Frank perched his chin on Gerard's shoulder and leaned his head against Gerard's.
“God, you're such a sap,” Gerard laughed and he pulled his fingers apart from Frank's, wrapping his whole arm around Frank's head in a backwards headlock.
“For you, yeah,” Frank shrugged, he turned his head to press his lips close to Gerard's ear. “Are you feeling better?”
Gerard hummed thoughtfully. He didn't want to run away anymore, or for the ground to swallow him into a crater. He would be grateful to not look at himself in the mirror any longer. “Maybe a little.”
“Oh, just a little?” Frank moved gently from behind Gerard, twisting around him until he stood in front and, thankfully, blocked Gerard's view of the mirror. “Do I need to go on? Because I have a few more points stored away. Y'know, for emergencies.”
“I'm sure you do,” Gerard laughed, his hands sliding up and down Frank's biceps in gentle swirls. He stepped to the side and turned until his back was to the mirror and he leaned against the vanity. “Why don't you… tell me some more?” He purred, no longer feeling uncomfortable in his near naked state. He barely noticed it. “For fun.”
The atmosphere shifted with Gerard's tone of voice and Gerard watched the way Frank's posture changed and his eyes grew darker. “What else do you want me to say, baby?” He grinned, leaning in to kiss Gerard's neck and push him back with his own weight until Gerard had no choice but to hoist himself up and sit on the counter beside the sink.
“Tell me–” Gerard gasped when Frank's teeth scraped the skin beneath his ear. He wrapped both of his arms around Frank's neck to keep him close while Frank's hands gripped onto Gerard's naked hips. “Tell me what else you love about me, Frankie. Please.”
Frank hummed deeply against Gerard's skin, sending a thrill through the younger man's veins and Gerard closed his eyes, letting his head tip back while Frank's lips dragged over his skin.
“Love how you get all breathless and start blushing when I kiss your neck. Makes you look so gorgeous,” Frank breathed sweetly against Gerard's collarbone and Gerard could just tell that he was smiling. He continued to inch his way further down Gerard's bare chest. “Love the way you do that pretty little gasp every time I do this–” Frank's tongue licked a hot line over Gerard's nipples and – just like Frank said he did – Gerard gasped, whining as he exhaled.
“Fuck,” Gerard breathed slowly. “I didn't know I was so predictable.”
“Perfect,” Frank corrected in a whisper before he locked his lips around Gerard's peaked nipple; he used his thumb and forefinger to tease the other one. Gerard felt dizzy with how instantly his cock swelled and rose from the stimulation; he really wasn't sure if he had it in him to come again. He wanted to – he always wanted to – but despite the plug still stretching him he really wasn't confident in his ability to reach an orgasm.
Frank Iero was nothing if not the most determined (or stubborn) motherfucker on this planet though, and Gerard was sure that he would try his damn hardest to get him there, if only to prove him wrong. And while Gerard's back arched gently and his chest pressed against Frank's, he felt the unmistakable heat of Frank's cock swelling against his thigh. He was a little bit impressed. Though Frank had always had a higher sex drive than Gerard, so it was hardly surprising.
“Mmm, yeah,” Gerard whispered breathlessly. “What else?” He asked with a wide smile. He bit down on his bottom lip gently when he felt Frank start to move down, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of Gerard's underwear. He coaxed the material down slowly until they were past his knees and gone a second later.
“Oh my God, where do I even start?” Frank said teasingly as he settled on his knees. Gerard gasped gently when he felt Frank's fingers wrap around him and suddenly the plug inside of him became more apparent as his arousal heightened.
“Such a pretty cock, Gee. The most beautiful I think I've ever seen.” Frank moved forward and ran his tongue lightly over the tip. “You always taste so good, the sweetest,” he whispered the last part before locking his lips around the head and sucking gently.
“Oh my God, please, more,” Gerard gasped, his hands clinging on to the counter top either side of him with white knuckles. “Love your mouth, Frankie.”
“So fucking big too,” Frank chuckled when he released his lips. “Remember when I rode you in some guys' bedroom at that house party last year? God, I could still feel you for days after.”
Gerard remembered the memory well and the reminder flushed warmth through his veins, it was the first (and only) time Frank had ever – in a round about way – bottomed when they'd been together and to this day Gerard held it close to his heart as one of his favourite memories. If he squeezed his eyes tight enough, he could almost visualise the way Frank's tattoos looked in the dim light of the bedroom that night, or the way Frank's thighs held Gerard's hips so tightly. It was like heaven.
Gerard whined as Frank locked his lips again and slowly began to lower onto his cock. Heat engulfed him in agonisingly slow increments and it was all Gerard could do not to fall apart completely. His body felt so heavy, so tired, while also aching and pleading for more. Gerard lifted his legs carefully to hang them over Frank's shoulders with a playful giggle and Frank didn't seem to mind at all, he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s thighs and held on tight as he sucked Gerard's cock like a fucking pro.
“Ugh, fuck,” Gerard groaned, leaning his torso and head back to rest on the mirror. The movement shifted the plug inside of him again so now it pressed against his prostate, only fuelling his body's desire to come. Only a few minutes ago he had been questioning his ability to come again but already he could feel himself growing closer to an orgasm as his thighs started to shake.
Frank, clearly sensing it somehow, withdrew his mouth from Gerard's cock and he let Gerard's legs fall slowly before he started tracing kisses over Gerard's stomach, his chest, his neck, before finally kissing him deeply. Gerard's hands clutched at Frank’s cheeks like his life depended on it; which wasn't all that far from fact, a lot of factors in his life did depend on Frank – and had done for some time.
“Frankie,” Gerard gasped between hot, breathless kisses. “Take me to bed, please.”
Frank laughed against Gerard's mouth before lifting him by his thighs, turning him away from the counter and walking carefully into the bedroom. Gerard stayed attached to him the whole time, kissing him and whimpering desperately. Frank lowered Gerard slowly until he was pressed neatly into the duvet and Gerard shuffled up toward the top of the bed while Frank removed his own underwear before he climbed on, slowly crawling over Gerard.
They were kissing again but now it was much softer, much slower, much more loving. Frank kissed Gerard with love, with passion and desire. Gerard kissed him back like he was the centre of the universe.
They stayed like that for a long time, Frank laid completely on top of Gerard with his fingers twisted in Gerard's hair, while Gerard's thighs braced Frank's hips and his arms wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him close. For a moment, neither of them paid any attention to the way their cocks pressed against each other, instead both getting completely lost in each other's embrace.
Frank finally moved, lifting his chest but not breaking the kiss as he reached for the bottle of lube. He did break the kiss eventually, and Gerard sunk back into the pillows, flushed and breathless.
Frank lathered his own cock in a generous amount of lube and gently eased the plug out of Gerard. He whined at the feeling of emptiness; though he knew it wouldn't last long based on the way Frank's hand was slicking lube over himself before wet fingers were pressing against his hole and his back arched in response.
Gerard turned his head toward the window where the curtains were drawn but he could see that the day was turning to night. They had been together the whole day already and yet this – somehow – was the first time he was getting Frank inside of him. Time had stopped existing as soon as he'd stepped through the door of Frank's studio, half dressed and collared, and it surprised Gerard to realise he'd been here so long.
Gerard snapped out of his distracted thoughts when Frank's hand braced his chin, strong fingers digging into his cheeks and pulling his head back to the centre.
“Are you okay?”
Gerard nodded quickly. “Yeah, just–please. Need you, Daddy,” Gerard whined, lifting his legs again to push against where Frank's fingers were teasing him. “Please.”
“I've got you, sweet boy,” Frank assured gently, removing his hand and using it to line himself up. Gerard gasped softly when he felt the head of Frank's cock pressing into him, and Frank moved slowly, filling Gerard inch by inch until he bottomed out and his hips were pressed flush against Gerard’s ass.
He tightened his legs around Frank's waist and Frank lowered his head to rest on Gerard's shoulder, his hips rocking in small motions to allow Gerard's body to adjust. The room was filled with nothing but the sounds of their laboured breaths, high pitched and shaky. Frank's hand moved from Gerard's face into his hair and cradled his head, slowly lifting his head to look at him.
Gerard knew he must have looked completely debauched by now but it was the last thing he cared about. He could only focus on what he was feeling – how much he was feeling – in the way that Frank's chest was pressed against his own while his cock was buried deep inside. It was so much. It was too much. It was everything.
Gerard groaned desperately, lifting his hips a fraction more in a way to get Frank to move and thankfully, he got the message. Frank's hips pulled back slowly, while his lips pressed against Gerard's temple and his fingers held Gerard's scalp. When he pushed forward in a long, fluid movement both of them moaned in unison. Gerard's arms wrapped around Frank's torso and his nails dug into the skin of Frank's back, clinging on as if he may drift away at any moment.
“Fuck, Gee. So fucking tight for me,” Frank groaned, forming a slow rhythm of back and forth with his hips. He had Gerard totally wrapped up in his arms, and Gerard's arms and legs were wrapped around Frank equally as tight. Like neither of them could let go if they tried; neither of them wanted to. “You feel so good.” Frank kept his mouth against Gerard's skin, not kissing but just breathing warm against him.
Gerard moved his head in a way to be able to kiss Frank and they both whimpered into it, Gerard lowered one of his hands to rest on the perfect curve of Frank's ass and he dug his fingers in. Frank's fingers were twisted in Gerard's hair but it wasn't painful or controlling, it felt grounding and safe. Life Gerard was cocooned in his warmth; nothing and nobody could possibly hurt him while Frank held him like this.
Gerard broke the kiss with an obscene moan when Frank adjusted his hips just right to brush against his prostate.Frank gave a breathy chuckle in response, keeping his hips in that position as he sped up his rhythm slightly and fuck, Gerard was seeing stars already. The pair of them had been together plenty of times before, countless occasions, but this felt different. Something about this occasion felt stronger, more pure and more intimate than Gerard thought possible. They weren't just fucking in the heat of the moment, with rough hands and mouths and not enough time. This was different; they were making love, and the feeling of love surrounded them so strongly, Gerard could feel it soaking into his skin. It scared him. But he didn't want to run from it anymore. He was done hiding and pretending.
“Frankie, ah– So good, Daddy. Don't stop!” Gerard cried out, practically wailing as his body jolted with every solid press of Frank's hips, his cock leaking profusely against his stomach, swollen and twitching. He knew Frank wouldn't stop; not now that they had spent the whole day engaging in various forms of foreplay, teasing each other, Frank giving gentle praise and words of affirmation. Every word of praise he gave healed a wound Gerard kept secret, fixing his heart one stitch at a time.
“Not gonna stop loving you Gee, never gonna stop,” Frank whispered against Gerard's mouth. His warm hazel eyes were boring into Gerard but Gerard couldn't look at him; he tilted his head to the side instead as his eyes brimmed with tears. Frank words sunk deep into him and they burned, he could hardly process them along with the overwhelming pleasure soaring through his body.
Frank clearly sensed the way his words had made Gerard feel and he slowed his hips, helping to quell the surging pleasure Gerard felt and allowing him to breathe. Frank pressed his nose gently into Gerard's hair and his lips to Gerard's temple. His hand moved from Gerard's scalp and came around to the front, his finger hooking Gerard's collar.
“Hey, stay with me.”
“I am. I'm here. I just–” Gerard gasped, a combination of the brush of Frank's cock inside of him and the emotions swelling in his chest. All of the insecurities and fears he'd been suppressing for weeks were forcing their way to the surface, encouraged by Frank's gentle words and touches. Gerard felt something deep inside of him crack wide open and pour out. “I love you, I love you so fucking much. I don't ever want you to stop loving me b-because I know – I know I'll love you forever.”
Frank's hips stilled completely and he was silent for a few seconds as Gerard began to sob, his chest heaving and his eyes squeezed closed.
Gerard's immediate thought was that he'd ruined everything with his stupid, impulsive words and bigger body and crippling shyness; he'd finally ruined what they had. Gerard's body shook as his emotions took over and Frank's weight against him started to feel like the weight of the world.
Gerard's hands moved until his palms were pressed against Frank's chest and he didn't know whether he wanted to push him away or dig his nails in and pull him closer. He didn't get much time to think about it before he felt himself moving. Frank's arms wrapped around him and they flipped effortlessly, placing Gerard on top of Frank and the change in position somehow pushed Frank's cock even deeper. Frank sat himself forward, his thighs hitched behind Gerard for support while he took Gerard's face in his hands and kissed him. They stayed like that for a few seconds, Gerard whimpering into the kiss while Frank held him – kissed him – with nothing more than pure, unfiltered adoration.
“Frankie, please, keep going,” Gerard whispered, trying to rock his hips but without the space to do so.
Frank looked up at Gerard calmly, his fingers brushing down Gerard's cheek. Gerard wished he could see inside of Frank's mind; to know what he was thinking now that Gerard had finally admitted his true feelings.
“I will,” Frank breathed. “I just… wanna look at you for a minute.” He pushed Gerard's hair from his eyes, using his thumb to brush away the moisture gathered on his cheeks.
Gerard finally gathered up a little bravery to look at Frank properly. The way Frank stared at Gerard made him want to cry all over again. He couldn't explain it but he could feel it. Frank leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Gerard's.
“I love you so much, Gee. You know that, don't you?”
“Yeah,” Gerard gulped, his mouth parched and his throat dry. “I know. I'm sorry I shouldn't have–”
Frank cut him off with an abrupt kiss and when he moved back to look at Gerard again, the younger man could hardly breathe.
“Don't you dare apologise. Thank you, I'm so proud of you,” Frank cooed softly before he kissed Gerard again, this time much gentler. “Are you okay?”
Gerard nodded slowly, kissing Frank's cheek softly while wrapping his arms around Frank's shoulders, a sense of urgency returning to him quickly as he came down from his emotional moment. “I'm okay.”
“Alright, where were we?” Frank bucked his hips up abruptly and Gerard cried out. “Yeah, there we go, there's my boy,” Frank purred softly against Gerard's ear.
There had been a few moments where Gerard had nearly forgotten that he was sitting in Frank's lap, essentially keeping his cock warm while he cried.
Frank's hips rocked up in a much quicker rhythm this time and Gerard could do nothing but hold onto Frank and moan desperately/ He let his head rest on Frank's shoulder as his back arched.
“Oh my God, yeah, that's it,” Gerard whined, kissing the skin where Frank's neck curved into his shoulder. The way Gerard's back arched pressed his cock against Frank's stomach, providing gentle friction that felt both incredible and not enough. “Frank, please, touch me,” he pleaded breathlessly as Frank fucked him senseless, making him dizzy and his tongue heavy in his skull.
“Say it again, Gee. Beg.” Frank's voice fell deeper and Gerard moaned wantonly, lifting his head enough for his lips to press against the skin beside Frank's ear.
“Please, Daddy. Touch me. Fuck me. Make me come,” Gerard used the most sultry tone he could manage and he heard the way Frank quietly growled in response.
Frank's hand moved quickly, sliding between their bodies and his long fingers wrapped around Gerard's swollen cock. He began pumping him almost immediately in time with the thrusts of his hips, doubling the pleasure sweeping beneath Gerard's skin and accelerating the warmth spreading in his abdomen. Frank became more vocal – much to Gerard's delight – and he worked his hand expertly over Gerard's wet slit, thumbing his tip and putting more force into his thrusts.
“Fuck, Daddy, I'm so close. Please… Wanna come for you. Make me come for you,” Gerard whimpered, his arms hanging heavy over Frank's shoulders. “Harder, please. Fuck, yeah–” Gerard droned on, babbling mindlessly. He wasn't even sure Frank could fuck him harder in this position.
“Gonna come, Gee. Fuck. Gonna fill you up,” Frank gasped breathlessly and Gerard didn't get a chance to respond before Frank's hips stilled. Gerard could feel Frank's cock twitching inside of him and Frank groaned loudly. His hand didn't stop despite his orgasm and it took only a few seconds before Gerard cried out, coming harder than he ever had before as his muscles clenched around Frank and he spilled messily over Frank's knuckles and stomach.
Gerard slumped against Frank with a strangled cry as tears started flowing freely again. He grabbed at the skin of Frank's back, his shoulders, before eventually gripping his face and pulling him into a desperate, deep kiss. Frank kissed him back with just as much emotion, his hand still gently milking Gerard's softening cock.
“Fuck, I love you. I love you so much.” Gerard gasped between messy kisses and more tears. “It's driving me crazy. I'm so fucking in love with you.”
“I love you too, Gee. So much,” Frank responded in the spaces between their lips pressing together. “It's okay. You're okay. You can cry, I've got you.”
Gerard didn't think that he'd needed some kind of permission but as soon as he heard it he sobbed even harder, his chest heaving and shaking against Frank. All of the emotions he'd been trying to ignore now poured out of him without restriction, finding once he'd started, he didn't know if he could ever stop. The thought of coming out terrified him deeply but not as much as the thought of Frank leaving him because he wasn't brave enough. He knew now what he needed to do.
The pair stayed like that for some time; Gerard sitting in Frank's lap, warming his cock while he cried and Frank wrapped both arms around him, holding him so close and so tight that Gerard could hardly move. But he didn't mind one bit. They rocked back and forth gently, soothingly, and despite the fact that Frank was still half hard inside of Gerard; it only felt calming and grounding to him in those moments.
“Baby,” Frank whispered softly, breaking the silence around them. “Think you can walk?”
Gerard sat back a little, still sniffling and wiping his cheeks quickly. “Uh, yeah. M’okay.” He urged his muscles to move as he began to shuffle awkwardly, finally disconnecting them as a rush of embarrassment and guilt flooded him. “Sorry.”
“No, no, don't do that,” Frank said quickly, grabbing Gerard's wrist before he had a chance to move away too much. “I just want us to shower. That's all.”
Oh. Gerard sighed with relief, giving Frank a gentle nod and a smile before he climbed off of the bed. Truth be told, a shower felt like exactly what he needed right now. So he stood from the bed with shaking legs and waited for Frank to do the same before following him obediently into the bathroom.
Frank leaned in and switched the shower on, holding his hand under the powerful stream before he stepped back and allowed Gerard space to step in.
Gerard groaned immediately when the hot water lapped over him, soothing his sore muscles and reddening his skin. The shower was plenty big enough for two and Gerard hummed softly when he felt Frank press behind him, kissing gently at the back of his neck. He tilted his head to grant Frank more room to move his lips, allowing his weight to rest back as Frank's arms wrapped around his waist.
“I love you,” Frank whispered. “Gerard, I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Gerard sighed. He laughed softly to himself; the words rolled off of his tongue so easily, probably because they had been on the tip of it for years.
Frank hummed against Gerard's skin and Gerard could tell he was grinning. “You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that. I'm so proud of you, baby boy.”
“What's it like?” Gerard started, running his finger tips over Frank's forearms where they were resting over Gerard's stomach. “Being out?” Gerard was sure it was nowhere near as big of a deal as he felt like it was. He was sure people would be happy for him, congratulate him, even. But he was still so scared.
“It's fine, Gee. It's normal. It's no different. Honestly.” Frank spoke soothingly into Gerard's ear, and it was working, Gerard could feel his fears calming inside of him. “I promise, baby. You have nothing to be afraid of.”
Gerard took a long, deep inhale and exhaled it calmly as he nodded to himself. “Okay. Tomorrow. Will you come with me?” Gerard peeked over his shoulder at Frank. “To tell my parents?” He clarified, now turning in Frank's arms to face him properly. He placed his palms over Frank's chest.
“Of course,” Frank assured, leaning in to kiss Gerard sweetly. “Whatever you need, my love. I've got you.”
They didn't talk any more for a while. Gerard stood under the calming spray of hot water while Frank lathered him in vanilla scented soap, massaging the sore muscles in his thighs and around his hips. Then he washed Gerard's hair with honey scented shampoo and Gerard smiled to himself when he thought he probably smelt like some kind of extravagant dessert. Once they were both fully clean, Frank eased Gerard out and wrapped him in a large bath towel, affectionately drying his skin while placing playful kisses over random bits here and there.
“Did you bring an overnight bag?” Frank asked.
Gerard only nodded and Frank pressed a kiss to his forehead before he left, going downstairs to retrieve it and returning in record time. He eased Gerard into a fresh pair of underwear and pyjama pants.
“Do you want a fresh shirt?”
Gerard didn't even need to think about it. “No, I'm okay.”
They both climbed into Frank's luxuriously large bed with soft groans. Gerard had no idea what time it was, or even where his phone was. He didn't care, he had everything he needed. The world could wait.
Frank shuffled closer until he was pressed behind Gerard and wrapped him up in his arms, holding him lovingly with his face resting in the crook of Gerard's neck.
“Do you think they'll be mad at me?” Gerard asked quietly, lacing his fingers between Frank’s.
“Who?”
“My parents. Mikey. For not telling them sooner,” Gerard lifted his head so Frank could slide his arm beneath it.
“Mikey already knows. You know he does,” Frank chuckled, pecking the back of Gerard's neck. “I don't think they'll be mad. They love you Gee. They just want you to be happy. Don't get in your head about it. It'll all be okay, I promise.”
Gerard hummed, shuffling even closer to Frank's warm skin. He couldn't help but think about how different he felt now compared to how he had felt when he had arrived earlier in the day. He'd felt so small and insecure. Now, he felt free. Like he could take on the world as long as he had Frank with him.
Gerard turned carefully in Frank's arms, positioning his head comfortably beneath Frank's chin. He felt so safe wrapped up like this, he hoped it would last forever.
“I'm sorry I made you wait so long.”
Frank laughed, kissing Gerard's forehead. “Don't apologise. Baby, you're worth every second.”
Gerard drew circles over the skin on Frank's chest idly, his eyes growing heavy and his body finally starting to succumb to the relief and exhaustion he felt.
“I think we'll be fine, you and I. ‘Cause our stars are finally aligned. You are the air I breathe, you are the light I need. You're the end of the tunnel, even if I can't see it.” Gerard sang the words into the space between them. He didn’t really know where they’d come from but they had formed in the front of his mind during the minutes him and Frank had been laying together. He wondered if they could become a song one day.
He knew he would be okay one day. And even if he wasn't, he had a home with Frank. He had a place to rest until a better day. And he knew that Frank would shelter him while he weathered any storm he may have to pass through.
And with that thought tucked safely away in Gerard’s mind – you know, for emergencies – they both fell asleep peacefully, holding each other and surrounded by nothing but love.
-
“Oh fuck me, I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up,” Gerard groaned as he sat in his car, parked in the driveway of his parents home. His home. His stomach felt as if it were doing backflips, threatening to purge itself at any moment without warning. Frank sat beside him, smoking, with a much calmer demeanour than Gerard was showing. Gerard had smoked three cigarettes in his panicked state while Frank took his time with one. Frank reached over, placing a soothing hand over Gerard's thigh.
“You're not going to throw up. It's fine, you can do this.” He gave a gentle squeeze to Gerard's thigh.
“What if I can't? What if they really are mad at me, and they make me leave? I'll be homeless, I can't be homeless!” Gerard cried out, his hands shaking as he began chewing his cuticles.
“Okay, first of all, you will not be homeless as long as I'm around. Secondly, they won't be mad at you. They love you and they'll be happy as long as you are happy and safe. Thirdly…” Frank's hand left Gerard's thigh and pulled his hand abruptly from his mouth. “Stop it. You'll make yourself bleed.”
Gerard huffed, scowling at the garage door ahead of them. He wanted to scowl at Frank but decided against it.
“Anyway, they love me. So they'll be happy to know I'm sticking around,” Frank joked, trying to lighten the mood. He was right, Gerard's parents did love him; he hoped that might soothe the damage caused by his revelation.
Gerard rolled his eyes, “You're an ass,” he grumbled before finally getting out of the car.
Frank followed, getting out of the passenger side and skipping around to meet Gerard, taking his hand with gentle but firm force and pulling him toward the door. “Maybe so, but you love me. Come on.”
Gerard followed behind Frank, pulled by his hand and for a second he forgot what he was being pulled toward. The realisation hit him hard and he let go of Frank's hand, turning to pace back towards his car.
“Nope, I can't. No. We can just–we'll just go back to your place and I'll tell them tomorrow,” Gerard stressed as he pulled open the car door.
Frank crowded him from behind, reaching past him to shut the door. He held Gerard firmly in place by his biceps and Gerard looked at him with wide, pleading eyes.
“Baby, breathe with me,” Frank said sternly, inhaling through his nose, nodding as Gerard copied his actions. They exhaled in time with each other and Frank smoothed over his arms gently. “Look at me and listen to me, okay? Are you listening?”
“Yeah. Yeah I'm listening,” Gerard stuttered nervously.
“If you really aren't ready to tell them today then we can absolutely go back to my place and try again tomorrow. But Gee, the longer you put this off the harder it will get until eventually it will feel impossible. I know you can do this. I am here for you and I will be here for you no matter what, okay? Now, I need you to be brave. Can you do that for me?”
Gerard hesitated, searching Frank's eyes for any ounce of nerves or doubt he could find. There wasn't any. “Okay, yeah…I–I can do that,” he said quietly. “God, I really wish I could kiss you right now. That would help me feel better.”
“I'll kiss you as much as you want after, okay?” His brows softened with sympathy. “You have my word.”
Gerard nodded again but didn't say anything else. He took a deep breath, he took Frank's hand and he turned to head inside. He let go of Frank's hand once he'd got the door unlocked, knowing Frank wouldn't take it personally.
They were immediately greeted by Gerard's mother bounding towards them and Gerard immediately knew she was pissed.
“Gerard Arthur Way, where on earth have you been?” She wasn't shouting with anger, she was concerned. Gerard realised as soon as he'd woken up this morning that he'd forgotten to tell her he would be home the night before, so he'd expected this.
Gerard groaned quietly but he let her fuss over him, smoothing down his hair and visually inspecting him. “Have you been drinking again?”
“What? No, God, how long is it going to take before you stop assuming that's what I'm doing when I don't come home?” Gerard asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“I don't know. I'm allowed to be worried. Not a month ago you were so unwell,” she said gently, “it's my job to worry about you.”
“I know, Ma. I meant to send you a message…I just, uh, well…”
Frank jumped in from where he stood behind Gerard, clearly sensing Gerard's rising anxiety. “It's actually my fault, Mrs. Way. Gee was just helping me write some new music and we were catching up after my tour. Time got away from us and it was night time before we left the studio so he slept in my guest room.” Frank lied through his teeth but Gerard appreciated it. He sighed gently as he watched the way Frank stood with his hands held behind his back and he addressed his mother with so much respect it made him swoon. “I can assure you he has not been drinking.”
“Well, I always know he's safe with you Frankie,” she smiled warmly, reaching out to pull him into a hug. “But please tell him to text me next time, I need my beauty sleep. And please, call me Donna.” She said with a smile before she turned inside. They both followed her into the living room where they found Gerard's father and Mikey – who was in the same spot he had been when Gerard left the day before. “Don! Gerard's home and he brought Frankie. You remember Frankie, don't you?”
“Sure,” The older man mumbled from behind his newspaper as he sat in the corner in his outstretched recliner. He peered over his newspaper, “Good to see you again, kid. Gerard, please call your mother. I can't sleep with her damn worryin’ all night.”
Frank smiled towards him, bowing his head slightly. “Good to see you, sir. It won't happen again, I promise.”
“Have you boys had breakfast? I can whip up some omelettes if you're hungry, or I might have waffles in the freezer.” Donna questioned them both from the adjoining kitchen.
“We're fine. Frank made breakfast before we left.” Gerard offered Frank a sly smile and when he turned back around to face the room, Mikey was staring at them both with a raised eyebrow.
Gerard knew that Mikey already knew about what was going on between them but he still couldn't ignore the burning of judgement he thought he could see in his brother’s eyes.
“Can you come in here? Please?” Gerard called to his mother. “I–...we have something to tell you.” He shuffled his feet where he stood, already feeling his hands grow clammy.
He felt like an idiot as he stood in the centre of the room like the world revolved around him. But he supposed that – for the next few moments, at least – it was okay if it did. He needed his moment of honesty and clarity. His mother hurried back into the room and Gerard watched how Mikey paused his game and lowered his controller. He knew what was about to happen.
Gerard tried to focus on taking deep breaths. He knew Frank was with him, standing just behind him and he would definitely be able to catch Gerard if he fainted. So that was reassuring.
Donna perched herself on the arm of Don's recliner and looked at them both with a kind and patient expression. “Oh, Frankie, is it your father? Is he okay?”
“Oh! Yes ma'am, he's fine. Sixty four and going strong. This is actually something that Gerard needs to tell you.”
“Okay,” She said calmly with a tone of worry, “what is it, son?”
Gerard swallowed nervously, looking at Mikey in the hopes of finding some reassurance. Mikey leaned forward from where he sat on the sofa and met Gerard's eyes immediately, nodding his head gently. He pressed his palms together in front of his mouth and he looked like he was praying. If he were to say anything, Gerard knew he would encourage him. It's okay. You can do this.
“Okay. So… the last few weeks have been really hard for me; getting sober and trying to figure out who I am now. And it's been scary and overwhelming… I guess in the process of dealing with all of that, it… made me realise that I need to be true to myself and –” He stopped for air, wringing his fingers together and willing the sweat back into his pores. He couldn't see Frank but he felt his hand press gently to the small of his back and he appreciated the comfort it gave him. “And I need to be honest with you guys about something I've kept hidden for a really long time.”
“Okay, well… We're here, we're listening. What is it, honey?” His mother asked, and his father lowered his newspaper entirely as he started to take notice. Gerard tried to focus his attention on Frank's hand against his back instead. It helped.
“For a few years now… Frank and I, we've… Uh, we've been in a relationship. And he loves me. And… and I love him.” Gerard turned to face Frank who was watching him with a wide smile, Gerard offered out his hand and Frank took it eagerly as he stepped forward to stand beside Gerard in solidarity. Gerard held Frank's hand tighter than he ever had before. “It took me a really long time to acknowledge that and be comfortable saying it because I haven't been comfortable with myself for a really long time, but I'm working on it now and… and I think it's important that you guys know.” He let the rest of the words tumble from him in a rush. “I'm sorry I've kept it to myself for so long I just… wasn't ready but I think I am now and… I just hope you guys aren't mad at me or… hate me or whatever.” Gerard squeezed Frank's hand even tighter as he finally finished his rambling, or at least he thought he had. “Oh, and I'm gay. I forgot to say that.”
“Oh, Gerard,” Donna said softly after a few minutes of silence within the room. She stood from her seat and rushed towards the pair, wrapping Gerard up in a hug that forced almost all of the air out of Gerard’s lungs. He hugged her back eventually once he'd had a minute to process. She stood back and cupped her son’s face in her warm hands. “Are you happy? Does he treat you right?”
Gerard nodded eagerly, letting go of Frank's hand to cover her hands with his. “Yeah, he's the best. He loves me, I know he does.”
Her eyes moved from Gerard's to Frank's and her expression changed slightly as she squinted at him. “You better treat him right, kid. He's special.”
“I know he is. Trust me, I know he deserves nothing but the best and it's my intention to give him that.”
“Alright then, you kids want those waffles? I'll make some waffles.” She gave both of them a kiss on the forehead before she made her way into the kitchen.
Gerard remained where he stood, a little bit in shock over how totally okay she was about it. As long as he was happy. Just as Frank said. The next thing he knew, he was being surrounded by warmth as Mikey crowded him and wrapped his arms tight around him.
“I love you, Gee. I'm so proud of you,” Mikey said warmly; so genuine it made Gerard's heart hurt. He hugged his brother back tightly.
“Shut up, you already knew,” Gerard sighed against him, holding onto him a little longer than was necessary.
“I mean, yeah, obviously. But I'm still proud of you,” he shrugged before embracing Frank in a hug and then leaving, Gerard heard him asking his mother about chocolate chips to top off their waffles.
Gerard's father had said nothing so far and Gerard didn't know if that was good or bad. His father had always been a man of few words but in that moment Gerard was desperate for him to say anything. He had simply returned to his newspaper.
“Dad?” Gerard squeaked nervously. Donald peered at them both over his newspaper. “Anything you wanna say? About…what I just told you?”
Donald stuck his bottom lip out in a moment of contemplation before pushing down on the recliner and standing up. He walked over to the two of them and Gerard couldn't help but feel nervous, instinctively grabbing Frank's hand for reassurance. Donald placed each of his hands on each of their shoulders, looking at them both and nodding.
“Frank, you should know that he can't take penicillin and he's allergic to strawberries. He's also an absolute crybaby when it comes to needles, so you'll have to hold his hand if he needs to go to the doctor.” He said matter of factly before he tapped their shoulders again and left the room, calling to his wife requesting coffee.
Gerard stood in a silence for a moment trying to process their reactions – or lack thereof – and he couldn't quite believe how calm they had been. How okay they were with it. How accepting they were. He couldn't believe he'd held on to it for so long. He wished that he hadn't, but he felt so relieved to have finally gotten the weight off of his shoulders. He hoped now that he could finally start living.
He turned slowly to Frank who wrapped him in a warm, tight hug and Gerard melted into it. He pulled his arms around his lover’s – his boyfriend’s – waist and sighed deeply with relief into his shirt.
“Oh my God, I can't believe I just did that.”
“I can.” Frank’s voice was muffled against Gerard’s shirt. “I knew you could, but I am still so fucking proud of you, Gee. You're amazing, I love you so much.” Mumbled and secretive – only loud enough for Gerard’s ears – the words still meant everything.
Gerard hummed, pulling back just enough to look at Frank in his eyes. “Can you do me a favour?”
“Anything, baby. What is it?”
“Can you…” Gerard began timidly. He looked down at the floor for a second before gazing at Frank again with a coy smile. “Can you kiss me?”
A slow smile spread across Frank’s lips before he shook his head fondly. He leaned in, taking Gerard's face in his hands and kissed him deeply. Gerard slung his arms over Frank's shoulders and held him close, kissing him back with as much love and passion as he could find.
Gerard felt it then. Something he'd never felt before; something he'd only ever dreamed of. Security. Purpose. Belonging. Love. He knew then that everything was going to be okay.