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The first thing Akito hears every morning is an obnoxious ringing from his alarm. As annoying as it is, it’s the only thing that can jolt him out of his fatigued state. His alarm goes off at 5 a.m. every morning so he has enough time to practice.
Rad Blast was only a couple of days ago, but he needs to stay vigilant. Even though Vivid BAD SQUAD agreed to take a break, Akito still wants to keep up with his usual practice schedule. It would feel off to give up on it now. Singing is all he has known for years, and it is not something he can give up easily, even if it’s just for a week.
Rad Blast felt absolutely electrifying. As he sang, all of his passion spilled onto the stage, like a roaring fire that could not be extinguished. With his team, they were unstoppable. All of their voices naturally complemented each other, and it was satisfying to see how much everyone had grown.
That night, he was able to stand on top of the mountain that once held him back. The view was breathtaking, and he has no doubt that he could reach it again.
Akito arrives at Shibuya Park right on time for his morning practice. Like usual, the park is empty, giving him the perfect headspace to practice freely.
Akito begins his practice expecting to sing with the same power he had at Rad Blast, but the longer he sings, the emptier he feels. The voice he hears does not feel like his own. Now his voice feels less like a song and more like unwanted noise. It’s like when he listens to music drowsily on the way to school.
Those who pass by may think he is giving a good performance, but to him it does not even come close to the fire he cast during Rad Blast.
It amazes him how quickly time passes when he practices. He rarely checks the time, so the only way he notices its swift passing is the sunset, followed by dusk fading into night in a blink.
Suddenly, Akito’s phone buzzes at midnight, signaling the end of his practice. He always makes sure to set an alarm so he’ll have enough energy to continue the next morning. Running on little rest is damaging, and unfortunately, Akito learned this the hard way.
He hopes he won’t have to experience the same setback tomorrow. There have always been days that have been a little more difficult than others. Today’s performance could have just been a fluke.
__________
Akito continues to practice whenever he can. Before school, after school, and any time he can on weekends. As he feared, the emptiness never left. It only grows every time he practices.
His skills have never diminished. He’s made certain of that through relentless practice. But he has lost the soul he once carried with his music.
What gnaws at him most is that he doesn’t know the source of the problem. There is nothing he can fix if he doesn’t know what needs to be mended.
His midnight alarm blares again, signaling the end of another half-hearted practice. His heart begins to pound and his forehead throbs as he packs away his equipment. It’s a sensation he used to feel on the nights he practiced until sunrise, when he pushed himself to the end of the line.
Akito curses under his breath as the pain continues to build. If it lasts much longer, his head will be pounding. He drops his backpack to the ground and rummages through it for painkillers. The last time he opened this bottle was after Arata provoked him, shortly after Vivid BAD SQUAD first formed. He swore he would never need to use them again.
______
Tonight, Vivid BAD SQUAD will be doing their first live house performance since Rad Blast. They are the next ones to perform, and Akito can already sense the anticipation from the crowd that lies beyond the stage doors.
Usually, Akito’s heart pounds in anticipation before a performance, his energy piling to the point where it feels like it is going to burst. Now, it is different. His heart is silent, and he feels a strange sense of fatigue that curtains his usual excitement.
“Shinonome-kun.” Kohane stands before him, her eyes filled with concern. “Are you okay?”
Akito’s chest drops at the worry in her voice. He doesn’t want anyone on his team to have to worry about him like they did before.
“Don’t worry, Kohane,” Akito says with a sigh. “I’m doing fine.”
Kohane furrows her brow and gazes toward the ground. Akito can tell she is trying to gather her words properly.
“It’s ok, really,” Akito says, patting her on the shoulder. Kohane’s face eases and she gives him a reassuring nod. His chest knots at the lie, but it is hard to even put into words what’s wrong.
The stage manager calls them to the stage, and soon enough he is faced with the familiar blinding lights. The performance goes without any issues. When everyone is together, they are able to make the crowd go wild.
Despite this energy, Akito feels empty. The music sounds strangely muffled, and every note he sings feels unnaturally laboured. It feels absolutely pathetic. Singing used to be his outlet, something that used to release the fire he once held. Now, his usual power is gone, slowly being drained by an unknown source.
However, there is no falter in the crowd’s cheers when he sings his solo parts. In their eyes, he is performing with the same skills as he did at Rad Blast—they have no idea how still his heart is.
The performance ends and the crowd erupts in applause.
It fills Akito’s chest with a spike of energy, but it only lasts for a second.
______
Akito didn’t expect to find himself fighting for his life in a sing-off, especially against one of the twins who had been sweeping live houses around Vivid Street. Slade’s singing pierced his chest the moment he heard it. When he challenged him to a battle, Akito accepted without hesitation.
Slade offered for him to go first. As intimidating as that was, Akito would rather set the scene than have to climb up to something someone else had laid out for him.
As he sings, Toya’s words repeat in his head like a mantra.
“It’s subtle, but it’s affecting your singing.”
As much as those words stung, he is grateful that Toya told him. He knows Kohane’s concern at the live house shows that both she and An have noticed too. If they can detect it, there is no question that other trained singers can as well. He wonders if Slade notices too.
“Wait,” Slade cuts in. “Sorry for interrupting you but…”
Akito stops singing and his chest immediately sinks. It isn’t often that someone would interrupt in the middle of a battle, but he knows exactly why Slade did it. Akito doesn’t even need him to finish.
“What’s going on? Why are you singing like that?”
“Is it because it’s so early in the morning? Or are you not feeling well?..”
How can he even respond to this?
This is a question Akito has been trying to answer for weeks. Having Toya point it out felt different. Toya has been singing with him for years, and if anyone could notice even the smallest change, it would be him. He had said it was subtle, but now Akito isn’t so sure.
“I mean… this isn’t what you really sound like, is it?”
Akito clenches his teeth, his blood begins to boil, and rage starts to fill his chest. It’s similar to what he felt when the older musicians of Vivid Street mocked the very dream he put his life on the line for.
“Why…? Why aren’t you saying anything? We agreed not to hold back. Sing with everything you have. You did that during the event, right?”
The event.
The last place where he was able to sing at his full power.
“Is your resolve really that weak?”
The words cut into his chest like a knife. Slade has just confirmed what Akito has been afraid to admit. Rad Blast may have been the last time he’ll ever know what it feels like to stand on top of the world.
“My resolve…” Akito mumbles under his breath.
“You are going to stand on top of the world, right? But you are never you’re never going to get there singing like that…”
“Wait, why do you know about—”
“Forget it,” Slade cuts in. “We’re going to be the ones standing on top of the world.”
As soon as Slade opens his mouth, an inferno roars out. Each note slams into Akito’s chest like a rushing wind. Goosebumps rise along his arms, and he finds himself frozen in place, overwhelmed by the sheer force Slade creates.
Slade wasn’t singing at one hundred percent before. He had been holding back, saving his energy for the moment he needed it most. It is clear that Slade is fueled by the same kind of force Akito once had. He wants what Slade has, the power to shake someone to their core.
It almost feels the same as Rad Weekend. Maybe this is the spark he has been searching for, the moment KAITO was referring to. Something that could give him the same energy that blasted through him all those years ago.
As Slade continues to sing, Akito’s heart begins to pound. Restlessness creeps through him, making his fingers twitch as heat pools in his chest. He wants to sing, to strike back at Slade and prove that he is more than his half-baked performance.
When it’s Akito’s turn, the floodgates open. His surroundings begin to blur, with the only thing that he can focus on is the burning of his soul.
This is what he has been missing—stakes.
After Rad Blast he didn’t know what he was fighting for. He didn’t have any idea of what he could lose. There was no adrenaline to push him forward or a flame for him to carry his passion.
Nothing else matters more than this moment.
For a split second he can picture flames bursting around him. The very remnants of his rekindled flame.
Despite this, the flame seems temporary. Akito knows that something bigger will need to reclaim that fire that he once carried. But at least now he knows that Rad Blast wasn’t the end. There is more out there that can be the spark to erupt a never ending blaze.
____
It has been a couple of weeks since his battle against Slade. He still isn’t able to sing with the same power, but he never expected that to last. One burst isn’t enough to fix everything, but it’s enough to let Akito know that this slump isn’t permanent.
As soon as Kohane told the team of Taiga’s offer to see an event in America, he knew he had to accept it. At this event, he’ll come across groups who will have the same power Radder once had, and it will be the first time Ken and Taiga will be performing since Rad Weekend. He has to admit that this excitement is actually improving his singing a little bit each day, and right now that is enough.
After Akito’s practice, he gets a text from Ena to pick up some snacks for her. He doesn’t think much of it, as this has become a usual routine for both of them.
Akito lightly knocks on Ena’s bedroom door when he gets home, but she doesn’t answer.
“Ena, I got your snacks,” Akito yells. The hall still remains silent and Akito has no other choice but to go into her room. He wishes she’d not outright ignore him after going out of his way for her.
Akito enters her room and sees Ena mindlessly staring at her drawing tablet. He had expected her to be on a call with her music group. By now, it isn’t uncommon for Akito to pop into their calls just to deliver snacks.
“Hey,” Akito says, trying to get her attention.
Ena jumps, spinning around in her chair to face him.
“Akito, what are you doing here?” Ena yells.
“I have the snacks you asked for,” Akito says, rolling his eyes. “If you didn’t want me here, you should have gotten them yourself.”
“Oh. Yeah, thanks.” Ena stands up from her chair, snatches the bag from his hands, and places it on her desk.
“Having trouble with your art?” Normally, Akito wouldn’t ask, but since Mizuki went missing, he’s been more willing to be someone his sister can talk to.
Ena sighs and keeps her gaze fixed on the ground. “It’s been harder for me to focus on it since the school festival. It’s just not the same without her.”
Akito knows how it feels to have someone you care about run away without warning.
A year ago, when Toya left the BAD DOGS and walked away from street music for a couple of days, it felt like a massive pit opened beneath him. When Toya was gone, singing became harder than it ever had before.
Now that he thinks about it, what he felt when his partner left street music doesn’t feel so different from now. Losing something, or someone that drives you forward is one of the most devastating things that can happen. Absence has a way of disrupting everything you do, even the things that used to feel automatic.
“I understand,” Akito says, shifting his feet.
“You do?” Ena asks tiredly.
“Yeah, well… I faced something similar with Toya a year ago. I know how awful it feels when someone you care about runs away without warning,” Akito mumbles, doing his best not to keep his eyes fixed on the ground.
“I feel like I’m being held back in the same way I was when he was gone. Ever since I reached the thing I’d been chasing for so long, it feels like I lost whatever was pulling me forward. So I guess I’ve experienced more than once what it’s like when something changes abruptly, and you don’t know how to move around it yet.”
“I’m sorry that’s happened,” Ena says, twirling her pencil in between her fingers. “I guess we both need to find a way to get back on our feet.”
Akito nods. “Just let me know if you need me for anything, ok?”
“I’ll try,” Ena responds as her mouth creases into a small smile. “Same with you.”
“Yeah, sure,” Akito says, smiling back. “Anyways, I'd better get going, but don’t stay up too late.”
“No promises,” Ena smirks.
Akito rolls his eyes and closes the door behind him, moving through the quiet hallway of the Shinonome household.
They can get through it. He knows that the void that Rad Blast left will not last forever. The best he can do is move forward with the hope that the flames he saw during his battle with Slade exist somewhere else. Going forward, he’ll reach out toward what feels infinite, and face the fears he’s been counting far too long.