Work Text:
[A symptom log from Asaba Harumasa’s notebook, dated January 9th.]
Symptoms:
Coughing: Some—pretty normal increase for the cold weather
Shortness of breath: Some, again, pretty normal for cold weather
Palpitations: Relatively infrequent
Dizziness: Slightly worse than usual
Fatigue: Slightly worse than usual
Chest pain: On and off
Other symptoms: Low-grade fever a few days ago, went away pretty quickly, symptoms exacerbated by exposure to Ether
Notes: I don’t even know why I’m writing this stuff down.
I mean, I’m dying, right? Apparently, a year or less now. There’s no amount of symptom management that can make that go away.
I guess it’s just the routine of it all. I’ve filled one of these out every week basically since I could write, so it feels weird to stop. Feels like giving up.
“Giving up” is kind of a weird way to put it, I suppose. It’s not like there’s anything I can do to make it better.
Huh. Writing stuff like this feels so unlike me. I’ve always been optimistic, and it feels weird to be such a nihilist, even if nobody is going to read this but me.
Turns out, though, an entire lifetime of preparing for the fact that you’re going to die young doesn’t adequately prepare you for knowing the exact latest possible date you’ll live.
Like, it feels like not that long ago that I kept being the oldest person in any Ether Aptitude Regression Syndrome ward, and that was back when I was just a teenager. I remember what a big deal it was when I turned 18, that I was one of the few people with this illness to make it to adulthood.
Man, I really thought I was going to break the record, didn’t I? What kind of hubris?
Ah, shit, I completely forgot the rest of Section 6 is here for a second. I told them I needed to change out of the shirt I passed out in and take some meds. I don’t know why I felt the need to step away, given that I was breaking down in front of them right after the phone call, but it is what it is, I suppose. I should go back before they worry too much.
I also don’t know why I’m writing in my symptoms log like it’s a diary. Whatever. I’m dying, I can do what I want.
[A birthday card from Asaba Harumasa to Soukaku, decorated with hand-drawn cartoons of Section 6 as cats, delivered on January 19.]
Happy birthday, Soukaku!
A little bird (well, Miss Tsukishiro) told me you’ve been having kind of a rough one, since you haven’t spent many birthdays without other oni around. I mean, I don’t get that exactly, I know. I know you feel trapped away from the culture you were raised in, and I can intellectually understand how that would be scary, but I don’t know exactly how it feels.
But I do understand that feeling isolated on your birthday sucks a whole lot, and sometimes even having people around doesn’t help. I understand what it feels like not to be understood, I mean.
And I know the recent news about my health is making it even harder as well. I wish you didn’t have to worry about me, but I get that it’s not that easy.
There’s not a lot I can say to make that better. All I can say is that I love you a lot, you’re a great kid, and it’s a huge honor to get to know you.
Keep being awesome even after I’m gone, okay, buddy?
Harumasa
[A tag on a Gilded Carrot Day gift containing a bag of coffee beans, several containers of bitter melon juice, and a bunch of children's drawings of Section 6, delivered by Tsukishiro Yanagi to Asaba Harumasa’s residence, February 17.]
Happy Gilded Carrot Day, Asaba. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well enough to participate in the celebrations yourself, but I hope that our company can bring some of the joy back.
Tsukishiro Yanagi
I would say I hope this bitter melon juice is as sweet as you are, but that rather defeats the purpose of it being bitter, and saying I hope it’s as bitter as you are sounds mean. You’re not at all bitter—in fact, you’re one of the sweetest people I know. Your taste in drinks is very much contrary to your personality. However, melon is wonderful and so are you. I can’t think of a better way to spend Gilded Carrot Day than with you and the rest of Section 6.
Hoshimi Miyabi
Hi Harumasa!!!!!!!!! Nagi helped me write this so that my spelling would be good cause she says it might not make much sense if she doesn’t. And I want it to make sense cause i love you and stuff and i want you to know that!!!!!! Sorry you’re not feeling good and i wish i could just hug you until you feel better :(((((( but we’re gonna make your gilded carrot day fun anyway!!!
Love, soukaku!!!
[A page from Asaba Harumasa’s notebook, dated February 3, scrawled in shaky handwriting.]
Hi you three! I hope school’s been going well for you, you’re all smart kids and I know nothing can get in your way, haha. Anyway, I wanted to make sure you knew that
Fuck ok I don’t know what to say from there.
I thought writing this out before I called would be better, but it hasn’t been. I still don’t know what I should say I don’t know how to tell them. How do I tell three kids that I know look up to me more than anything that I’m dying?
I mean. They knew it was coming eventually, right? Of course. We all have this same illness, and we all know the prognosis.
But. I dunno. I remember when the oldest living person with Ether Aptitude Regression Syndrome died at 26. I’d never met her, but even so I felt so despondent about it. Like, I had this glimmer of hope one moment, and then just so quickly it was gone. I can’t imagine how much worse it’d be with someone you know personally.
I don’t know. Maybe this is just me, but knowing I’m almost definitely not going to break the record, I think if anyone might, it’d be Kana, Tsubaki or Ryosuke. Hell, maybe all of them. They’re much tougher than I ever was at their age.
Guess I might as well go ahead and make the call. Writing it down didn’t help that much anyway.
[A voice message from Hoshimi Miyabi to Asaba Harumasa from March 10th.]
Hello, Harumasa. I know you’ve been taking some time off work, and I fully encourage you to take as much time as is necessary for your health, but I want you to know we miss you around here.
Would you be willing to take a walk with me? If you’re not feeling up to it, that’s totally understandable, but everything is beginning to blossom and I know how much you like springtime. It tends to be a much more melancholy time for me, as it reminds me of the time just after my mother passed, but I think it would be much more enjoyable if I associated it with spending time with one of my best friends.
That wasn’t intended as a guilt trip. Sorry. I don’t know how you find talking to people so easy; I always just wind up confused. What I am trying to say is that I want to see you.
Of course, if you’re not feeling up to it, your health is the priority. If you’d like, I could bring you some of the sunflowers growing outside my house.
Take care of yourself. I love you.
[Knock-Knock messages between Tsukishiro Yanagi and Asaba Harumasa from March 21st.]
Harumasa: Hey, Deputy Chief :P
Hear you need a babysitter
Yanagi: Where did you hear that?
Harumasa: Belle lol
Got a hot date with Chief Miyabi, Tsukishiro?
Yanagi: Well I never phrased it like that, but yes
Harumasa: And you didn’t come to me first? I see how it is
I’m hurt </3
Yanagi: I never thought I’d see you volunteering to do more work, Asaba
Harumasa: Aw, Tsukishiro :(((((
I suspect that’s not the real reason though
You know you can ask me for stuff right? I know you’re worried about my health but I will say no if I need to
Yanagi: Historically that has not been true
But regardless that’s not even the reason
Harumasa: Oh? Do share
Yanagi: I actually planned on asking yourself and both Proxies to be at my house while Miyabi and I are out, as well as Zhu Yuan
Harumasa: Well now you’ve got me curious, Deputy Chief
Surely Soukaku doesn’t need that much supervision, she’s a good kid
Yanagi: Well, you’d be correct about that, the babysitting is not actually the true purpose
I need someone to decorate for when we get back
Harumasa: Oh??? What for??
Yanagi: If all goes right, to celebrate our engagement
Harumasa: I fucking KNEW it
So when’s the wedding
Yanagi: Slow down, I haven’t even proposed yet
Harumasa: Ah cmon, Deputy Chief, we know she’ll say yes
She’s so head over heels for you
And I don’t for a second believe you’d even propose without having a complete plan in place
Not Deputy Chief Prepared for Anything lmao
Yanagi: Alright, alright, you’re not wrong
I’m hoping for early autumn
Harumasa: This autumn???
Yanagi: Yes
Harumasa: Damn, that’s a fast turnaround
What’s the hurry?
Yanagi: Well, if you must know, you
I can’t imagine such a celebration without you there
Harumasa: Oh
Aww, you’re gonna make me blush, Deputy Chief
Haha
Yanagi: None of that, now
Every time you shy away from being emotionally honest and make it into a joke, I take a bit off your paycheck
Harumasa: So, um, that’s like, super illegal and also not within your power
Yanagi: I know, I wasn’t being serious
But I am serious that you can and should be willing to be honest about your feelings with us
We’re not going to make it through this next year intact if we’re not all able to do that at least a bit more
Harumasa: I’m not going to make it through this next year intact no matter what, though, so
Yanagi: That was a poor choice of words on my part, but you know what I mean
Harumasa: Yeah, I do
And I can’t put into words how touching it is that you care so much
But I’m going to be honest, the likelihood that I’ll be well enough for much of anything like that by that point seems low
Yanagi: In that case, we’ll do whatever we need to in order to make sure you’re there, even if we have to take the celebration right to you
Harumasa: You seriously don’t have to uproot your special day for me
Yanagi: To be blunt, have you not been listening this entire time?
What makes it special is having the people we love there
And you are one of the people we love, a lot, in fact
That’s more important than any plans we could make
Obviously I don’t speak for Miyabi, but I have no doubt that she will feel the same
Harumasa: Ah
Thank you
I love you too
And to bring it back to the entire reason this conversation started anyway, yes, of course I’ll help out
Yanagi: Much appreciated
As long as you’re pacing yourself, of course
Harumasa: Calm down, Tsukishiro, I can do something as simple as putting a few decorations without passing out
I’ll be right over
Yanagi: You don’t need to for a few more hours
Harumasa: What if I want to see you, huh?
Yanagi: Fair enough
I’ll see you in a few
Harumasa: Can’t wait
[A writing assignment of Soukaku’s from April 2nd.]
My Family
By Soukaku
My family is different from a lotta people’s families. I used to have a whoooole bunch of oni around me and even though there was never enough food to eat and people got hurt and stuff I was still loved, especially by my big sis. Something bad happened, though, and now she’s somewhere far away where I can’t see her. I miss her a lot all the time, but I also have a new big sis now that I love a whole lot! Her name is Yanagi but I always call her Nagi instead, and she’s not an oni but she’s still family. She’s super duper smart and always gets all her work done and even more than she has to do sometimes. Her hair is bright pink and it’s super pretty and I can always find her if I get lost cause it’s so bright. And she always makes sure I take care of myself. She’s sometimes kinda strict, but usually she’s nice and always tells me that she likes my drawings. She isn’t that good at singing me lullabies like my other sister was, but that’s okay because the food she makes is super yummy. She also buys a lot of red bean buns, but I never eat those even if I’m super duper hungry cause I know those are her favorite.
Pretty soon, she’s gonna get married to Chief Miyabi. Miyabi is the leader of Section 6 where Nagi and me work. She’s super good at swordfighting, and it’s always soooooo cool to watch her fight Ethereals! She also says super weird stuff sometimes, and she calls everything “training.” She’s really funny, even though I think sometimes she isn’t trying to be. She really likes melon so whenever Nagi and me get ramune from the store I always make sure to get a melon one to bring back to Chief. Also, whenever I’m sad because I miss my sis, Miyabi understands cause when she was a kid her mom died so she understands how much it hurts when you love someone who you can never see again. I’m so so so glad that she and Nagi are getting married because Chief is already basically my older sister but now she’s gonna be officially family.
There’s also Harumasa, who also works at Section 6 and even though he’s not officially family, I still say he’s my family. He and Nagi sometimes bicker cause he doesn’t work when he’s supposed to, but I know they really are good friends and love each other a lot. And I love him a lot too!!! He always brings me snacks, he even sometimes gives me candy even if Nagi says I’ve had enough sugar for the day. Sometimes he shows me that he can do cool tricks with his bow, and also he has a kitty named Troublemaker who’s super cute. He also lets me cuddle with him when he’s sleepy. He gets sleepy a lot cause he’s sick all the time. He told me he has something called a chronic illness. That means that it’s not the same as when I get the stomach flu and I feel yucky and throw up and have a fever for a few days but then I get better after. Harumasa has been sick for his whole life. There’s something wrong with his heart and lungs. It means that he’s tired all the time, and his chest hurts all the time too. Also sometimes he gets super dizzy, which is why he uses crutches more now so he doesn’t pass out, and he has trouble breathing and coughs a lot. Sometimes he has to not come to work so he can rest when he feels really gross. He’s good at handling his sickness cause he’s been sick since he was a kid, but it’s still scary when he really doesn’t feel good. It’s especially scary cause his doctor says he’s so sick that he’s probably gonna die before next winter, and I don’t want that to happen cause I love him a whole bunch. Nagi says we’re all gonna spend as much time together before then, so we can have good memories together
In conclusion, I love my family a lot even if they’re different from other families, and I wouldn’t want them to be any different from how they are.
[An email from Asaba Harumasa to Seth Lowell, sent April 16th.]
Hey Junior!
I know it’s been a while, and we don’t talk regularly anymore, and this is a really weird thing to send over email but (this is really embarrassing for me) I think I deleted your Knock Knock profile from my phone after we split up all those years ago, and now I don’t remember what it is. So we’re having super serious conversations over email! Fun!
Okay, so, you know that I’m very ill. I know I didn’t tell you that at school, and I probably should have, but the past is the past and that didn’t happen. So, for clarity, I thought I should let you know that my life expectancy is sometime around next winter.
I don’t expect you to respond to this email, because again, I know it’s weird doing it over email, and I know if I were you I wouldn’t know what to say. But I didn’t date you for two years to come out of it not knowing you pretty well, especially with someone who wears his heart on his sleeve as much as you do. I know you’re someone who hates to not have all the information, so here it is. I’m dying, I won’t be here for much longer, and I wanted you to know that.
Your senior,
Asaba Harumasa
[A Knock Knock exchange between Asaba Harumasa and Soukaku from May 8th.]
Soukaku: harumasaaaaaaaa
harumasa harumasa harumasa
Harumasa: Soukaku Soukaku Soukaku!!!!
What’s up buddy?
Wait why are you awake? It’s like 2 am
Does Tsukishiro know you’re up and on your phone?
Soukaku: noooooo…..
i had a bad dream and i dont wanna wake her up
wait why r u awake? u gotta rest so u don’t get sick!!!!!
Harumasa: Woke up coughing with my chest really hurting and couldn’t get back to sleep
Soukaku: :((((
Harumasa: Aw, kiddo, I’m ok
I’m used to it
Soukaku: still i dont like when u dont feel good! bc i love u and stuff
Harumasa: I love you and stuff too buddy bud
And I don’t like when you don’t feel good either
Can you tell me about your nightmare?
Soukaku: uhhh
i think it was like??? something where u and nagi and chief got attacked by something
not an ethereal idk what it was i couldnt see it
the memorys kinda fuzzy i just know i was super scared
Harumasa: That sucks, I’m so sorry
Anything I can do to make you feel better?
Soukaku: just talking 2 u makes me feel better!!! bc ur my friend!!!
but uhhhhhh speaking of kinda fuzzy
Harumasa: Hearing you loud and clear
Troublemaker pics incoming
Soukaku: YAYYYYY
Harumasa: [A picture of a fluffy white cat curled up in the arms of a gently smiling Harumasa]
Soukaku: awww shes snuggling u!!!!
Harumasa: Yep lol
As usual she came in and got all cuddly when she heard me coughing my lungs out
She and Tsukishiro are two sides of the same coin, they worry over me so much haha
The Deputy Chief’s never pushed my water glass off my bedside table at 4 in the morning like a certain someone did last week, though, so she’s ahead in that respect
Soukaku: haha yea i dont think nagi has ever done that
i wish i were there with u and trouble rn though that would make me feel better
Harumasa: It would make me feel better too
How about I give you an extra big hug at work tomorrow?
Well I guess technically today since it’s after midnight
Soukaku: YAYAYA!!!!!!
i cant wait 2 hug u
did u know!!!! i love u sosososo much
Harumasa: Well guess what
I love you sosososo much too
Soukaku: yay!!!!
Harumasa: Do you feel safe to go back to sleep now?
Soukaku: i think so
how bout this
ill try 2 go back 2 sleep if u do
Harumasa: Sounds like a deal
Night, Soukaku, love you
And Trouble loves you too
Soukaku: yayayayayay
love u 2
sleep goo!!!!
*good hahaha
Harumasa: You sleep goo too :p
[A checklist on Harumasa’s phone entitled “stuff to do before I die,” created May 21st.]
-Finish writing up my will
-Have a birthday party
-Apologize to Seth for awkward break-up situation
-Teach Kana, Ryosuke and Tsubaki some archery
-Finish my cat picture book so I can read it to Soukaku
-Help Chief and Tsukishiro prep for their wedding
-Give all my friends as many hugs as possible and tell them I love them as often as I can
[A birthday card to Hoshimi Miyabi from Asaba Harumasa, delivered on June 19th. The card is decorated with doodles of melons with smiley faces.]
Heya, Chief, happy birthday!
I know you’re not having a big celebration, but I’m glad I get to spend time with you today and with the rest of Section 6. Any day spent with all of you is a good one, after all!
Consider this my training to remind a dear friend how loved she is. I wish I had all the time in the world to say it again and again.
If there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to ask me, yeah? I’m not that fragile, and anything that makes the lives of my friends better is a very much welcome task.
Love,
Harumasa
[A birthday card to Hoshimi Miyabi from Tsukishiro Yanagi, delivered on June 19th.]
Hello, my love. Apologies that I’m kind of terrible at birthday cards, particularly romantic ones. My love life before you has admittedly not been all that eventful.
But I will say that getting to work with you, and be with you, means the world to me. I can’t believe that soon the kindest, most capable, most stunning woman inside and out in all of New Eridu will be my wife. It’s the greatest honor I could ask for.
This past year has been a rough one for all of us, and I suspect the upcoming one will be even worse. I want you to know that you’ve been so much comfort to me through it all and that I hope I can be there for you in a similar way.
Love,
Yanagi
[Messages sent in a group chat between Section 6, sent July 7th.]
Harumasa: Not to be a debbie downer but I think maybe birth is a curse and existence is a prison
Miyabi: What happened?
Harumasa: Head cold :((((
On the weekend! When I can’t use it as an excuse to skip work!!!
And just before my birthday too. I’d BETTER be over this by then or I’m gonna. Well I don’t know what I’m gonna do but I am not gonna be happy
Yanagi: Are you alright?
Have you been getting sufficient fluids?
Do you have enough cold medicine at your house?
Harumasa: Whoa, Deputy Chief, chill out hahaha
I was just being dramatic about the “existence is a prison” thing for the bit, I promise
I’m a little sniffly and sneezy, my head and throat hurt like shit, but I’m not dying any more than I usually am lol
Oops didn’t mean to swear in front of the child
Soukaku pretend you didn’t see that
Soukaku: teeheehee i know what u did >:))))
Harumasa: Noooo have mercy on poor, ill me
Soukaku: neveeeeeer
Harumasa: You’re so cruel to me </3
Yanagi: Regardless, I’m concerned about you, Asaba
I know you’ve been prone to pneumonia after colds in the past, and we definitely can’t afford that at this point in your illness
Harumasa: Oh? Are you an expert in my illness now, Tsukishiro?
Ok seeing that written out actually it looks much ruder than I intended it, sorry about that
I feel gross because of this cold so my talking to people brain is not fully charged
Yanagi: No offense taken
I just want to be absolutely sure you’re taking care of yourself to your best ability so that your cold doesn’t turn into something much worse
Harumasa: Don’t worry, I promise I am
Miyabi: Perhaps some company might make it feel more bearable
Harumasa: Aw, Chief, I appreciate that
I don’t want you catching this, though
Miyabi: I’ll be fine. I have a good immune system.
Harumasa: If you say so
Just don’t blame me if I get you sick, I’ve been coughing so much everything’s probably all germy and gross
Don’t make the mistake of taking your ability to breathe through your nose for granted
Miyabi: I never take anything for granted, Asaba Harumasa, you should know that
Harumasa: Why does that sound like a threat
Miyabi: I don’t know. It wasn’t intended to be
Soukaku: nagi can we go see harumasa too????
Yanagi: I was already planning on it
I just have some work stuff to finish up and we’ll be right over
Harumasa: Geez, Deputy Chief, it’s the weekend, live a little
Yanagi: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be on top of things
Such as, for example, the health of someone I love dearly
Harumasa: I told you, I’m taking care of myself
But I would be happy to see you still
Provided, again, that you don’t make yourself sick
I fear Section 6 would collapse without you
Yanagi: Don’t worry, like Chief Miyabi, Soukaku and I both have robust immune systems
Harumasa: Damn I’m really just bearing the brunt of the sickliness for this entire group huh
I suppose I’m lucky to have coworkers with such good health who can pick up the slack when I’m not well
Yanagi: You are lucky to have us, and we’re lucky to have you
We’re all a good fit for one another
Funny how that works out
Harumasa: It really is!
Alright I think I’m gonna nap for a bit until Chief gets here
I love you guys
[Knock Knock messages between Seth Lowell and Asaba Harumasa, sent on July 20th.]
Seth: Hi Senior
Sorry for DMing you out of the blue
I know you said you didn’t have my Knock Knock profile but I still have yours
I’m not stalking you, I promise
Harumasa: Aw that’s kind of too bad
As stalkers go, you wouldn’t be a bad one
Seth: ???????
WHat does that even mean
Harumasa: I don’t even know hahaha
Pay it no mind
Seth: Ugh you always do this
Harumasa: Do what
Seth: This!!!
Goof around instead of actually saying what you mean
You’re really confusing, you know that
Harumasa: And if I said that’s mostly by design
Seth: Why, though
Harumasa: Because goofing around is more fuuuuun
And being emotionally honest is haaaaard
Deputy Chief Tsukishiro is always on my ass about this too
I guess that’s what I get for consistently hanging around the most earnest people out there
Seth: Is there something wrong with that?
I think being honest is a good thing
I don’t know why everyone is always so weird about it
Harumasa: I don’t think it’s bad, I think it’s very cute :P
Seth: See this is what I mean! You’re doing the thing again!!!
Harumasa: Well, if you’ll allow me to be blunt
Not that it’s not a pleasure to hear from you, but what prompts you to reach out now, junior?
Seth: I was just worried about you
Heard you had a fainting spell at your birthday
Are you alright now?
Harumasa: Ohhhh right, that old thing haha
Yeah I’m all good
I’ve been a bit off recently in general, I had a cold a couple weeks ago and it’s still having a bit of an effect on my well being
But that’s pretty normal for me
Don’t get your hopes up, I’m not declining rapidly just yet
Seth: Hey, don’t say that!
I don’t want you to decline, I want you to stay as healthy as possible
Harumasa: Well I’m afraid that won’t be true for long
I’m still dying and all
Maybe not rapidly, but I can still tell I’m getting a bit worse
I’m having trouble with even practicing archery now without getting fatigued
Seth: That’s awful, I’m sorry
Harumasa: All good haha
Not your fault
Seth: Well will you at least promise me to keep me updated on your condition?
I know we haven’t talked much in a long time but I still care about you a lot
I don’t want anything bad to happen when I don’t know about it, I want to be there to help you as much as I can
Harumasa: Awww that’s sweet
And yes I will
You wanna know something weird
Seth: Okay….???
Harumasa: I kind of regret dating you back in school
Seth: ????????
What’s that supposed to mean
Harumasa: Okay yeah I know that sounds bad
But like. I don’t know that I was in a good place for a romantic relationship back then
I had basically just gotten to the point where I could live by myself outside of the hospital without 24/7 medical care
I had hardly ever interacted with anyone who wasn’t either a doctor or another ether aptitude regression syndrome patient
So it probably wasn’t the greeeeeatest idea in the world to jump right into dating when I wasn’t even sure if dating was something I was into hahaha
As it happens it’s not something I’ve really wanted to do since, idk why just not my thing except on rare occasions
And I jumped into things with you way more quickly than I should have and that had an effect on you
But if I hadn’t done that maybe we wouldn’t have fallen out
And I would have liked to be your friend
I’d still like to be your friend, actually
If that’s okay
Seth: lskjhdkhglkjh
Harumasa: You alright there?
Hope you didn’t have a heart attack
I’m supposed to be the one of the two of us with a weak heart
Seth: I’m fine my phone slipped
You’re being all squishy at me, it’s weird
Harumasa: Didn’t you tell me you wanted me to be more emotionally honest?
Seth: Well yeah but
I don’t know!!! I wasn’t expecting you to actually do it
Harumasa: Well too bad
I don’t have much time left and I don’t want to spend what I have giving you the cold shoulder still
I happen to like you as a person a lot
So I’d like to be your friend
Seth: I’m not great at friendship
I don’t really understand most people
Harumasa: I’m aware lol
I may have mentioned that I do in fact know you
But I don’t mind that about you
I find it endearing, honestly
Seth: Stop saying stuff like that!!!! I don’t know what to say to stuff like that!!!
Harumasa: Sorryyyyyy~
Seth: But anyways
If it would make the last few months of your life better in any way
I’m there for you no matter what
Harumasa: Awwww I appreciate that
Seth: It’s the least I can do
Harumasa: Well, still, thank you
I’d add something else but I’m kinda under the weather and I feel like my brain is turning into soup
Seth: Are you alright??
Harumasa: Ah yk, same old same old
Feels like I’m getting way more flare-ups than usual nowadays
Which I guess is to be expected
Seth: Yeah
Well let me know if there’s anything I can do
Harumasa: I don’t need anything right now but thank you
Although if you’ve got time, I’m feeling well enough for visitors
Seth: I’ve got time
Harumasa: Awesome! You’ll get to meet my cat
She’ll probably love you
Seth: True, I’m kind of a cat magnet for some reason
Would you like me to bring you anything?
Harumasa: Some coffee would be nice
Seth: Are you sure you should drink as much coffee as you do? With your heart and all
Harumasa: If it was a problem I wouldn’t ask
By this point I know what my body can handle
Seth: You’re right
I wasn’t trying to
I don’t know
Be condescending or whatever
Harumasa: Don’t worry, I get it
You were just concerned
It’s sweet
Seth: I’ll be there soon
Harumasa: See ya!
And thank you
[An email sent to Tsukishiro Yanagi from Asaba Harumasa on August 10th.]
Hey, Deputy Chief,
So, as you probably would have expected, getting an email from me, this is not happy news.
You know I’ve been missing work even more than I usually do. You’re the one who’s been filling out all my leave requests. And not ribbing me over it, which is nice of you, but also a pretty obvious sign that you can tell things are getting worse. Which, yeah, they sure are. We’ve all noticed how sick I’m getting, and I’m sure you’re aware this is coming, but, well, consider this my letter of resignation.
Given how I’ve been about work, it might surprise you, but I do really wish I didn’t have to leave. Trust me, I tried to fight it, but my doctor was pretty clear that at this point of my illness, it’s just not feasible to hold down a job right now. My health can’t take it, and I’m losing the physical ability to do anything that’s of much help. And financially, it’s not presently that important. Given how well Section 6 pays, I have a decent amount of savings, and aside from that, New Eridu has pretty good disability benefits, so I’m not too worried about money. Not like I have too long to spend it anyway.
Still, though, I really do wish I could stay. I know I bitch and moan about work, but I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else, and I’m really going to miss it. I’m going to miss all of Chief Miyabi’s weird turns of phrase that you can never really understand unless you know her, and seeing Soukaku grow up day by day, and even the way you nag me, knowing that under it is a lot of love and caring. It’s sweet.
Okay, I say that, and it sounds like I’m never going to see you again. I know I will, but it won’t be every day, and I’m going to really miss that.
Anyways, this is really sentimental for a resignation letter. I just want you to know that I care about you, and I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather work with, or honestly, anyone I’d rather call my family.
Your friend,
Asaba Harumasa
[A voicemail from Hoshimi Miyabi to Asaba Harumasa, sent on August 15th.]
Hello, Harumasa. I hope you’re well, or at least as well as you ever are now.
As you know, Yanagi and I are preparing to move in together, what with our upcoming marriage. And of course, given that Soukaku is her legal dependent, she will be with us as well. And this is all a roundabout way of saying that it would feel incomplete to have the three of us there without you as well.
I realize that I say that, and that in reality, we will be without you in far too short a time. But that’s precisely why we want you here. Given that we won’t be seeing you at work, all three of us have agreed that this is the best way to maximize the time we can spend with you, and given that we all love you quite a bit, this seems like the most viable option. Not only that, but I think it would be a good idea to have people around to help so that you don’t need to expend excess energy to take care of yourself when you’re ill, and also, in case of a long hospital stay, people to look after Troublemaker while you’re gone. If you can’t do it for your own well-being, at least do it for Trouble’s. Despite her name, she’s a good girl, and she deserves only the best of care.
All jokes aside, though, it truly is your decision. I don’t mean to pressure you, and if you feel more comfortable staying at your own home, I trust that you are making the right decision. I trust you with your own health, and I know you know yourself better than I do. I just want to make sure you know that the option is open.
Anyways, as I’ve said, I love you and I’m very glad I know you. Kiss your cat on her adorable little head for me.
[A card given by Asaba Harumasa to Tsukishiro Yanagi on September 21st.]
Hey, Deputy Chief, happy birthday!
I know you’re not technically my Deputy Chief anymore, and you’re pretty much just my roommate, but it still feels just natural to call you that, so, why not?
On top of your birthday, of course, I have to congratulate you on your wedding, even though I was, of course, there myself. I’m really glad I was able to come. It sucks how little I’ve been up to getting out of the house recently, and I can think of nothing better to do with my rare opportunity than to spend it celebrating the love between two of my favorite people.
I truly can’t be grateful enough to you and Chief Miyabi for opening your home to me, and I hope you will let me know if there’s anything I can do to make it easier on you.
Love,
Harumasa
[Knock-Knock messages between Soukaku, Belle and Wise, sent September 30.]
Soukaku: hihihi managers !!!!!
Belle: Hi Soukaku!!!
Wise: How are you doing?
Soukaku: im ok!!!
how bout u
Wise: Pretty good!
Belle: I’m pretty awesome, thanks for asking!
Whatcha need?
Soukaku: uhhhh
a movie
Wise: Well we’ve got a lot of those
Any specifics?
Soukaku: one sec
i think its about like
an island that gets taken over by zombies or something
but the zombies can sing? idk
Wise: Oh yeah I know the one, we have it
I’m not sure it’s appropriate for kids though
Soukaku: hey!!! im waaaay older than u young man. smh
Belle: Pffff
Regardless, I fear Yanagi’s retribution if we let you rent a movie that’s only for grown-ups
Soukaku: well its not for me anyway
harumasa said he likes that movie and wanted 2 watch it again
but he doesnt feel good enough 2 go 2 random play rn
so im gonna get it so he can watch it and maybe thatll make him feel better
Belle: That’s really nice of you, Soukaku :)))
Soukaku: ya i know
Wise: How has he been, by the way?
Soukaku: uh
not. good
he has good days sometimes
but it feels like not that many anymore
Belle: I’m sorry, that’s really scary
If you and the rest of Section 6 need anything from Wise and I you can always hit us up
Soukaku: thanks
i love u guys
Wise: We love you too, kiddo
Soukaku: yesterday was a good day so thats nice
we went 2 port elpis
a bird landed on chief miyabis head and i got a pic
u wanna see?
Belle: Yes absolutely
Soukaku: [A photo of Miyabi, Harumasa and Yanagi. The shot is slightly shaky, as though the photographer was laughing while taking the picture, and there’s a sliver of a blue thumb in the corner. Miyabi has a seagull resting on her head, and she’s standing perfectly still with a deadpan expression. Yanagi is grinning and giggling, holding tightly and protectively to the group’s lunch boxes. Harumasa leans on her shoulder, laughing uncontrollably, mouth wide open and eyes squeezed tight. Despite his obvious good spirits, his poor health is clearly visible—his eyes are deeply shadowed, his face pale and peaky, his weight mostly rests on either Yanagi’s shoulder or his crutches, and most concerningly, the sleeves of his hoodie are marred with the pale outlines of washed-out bloodstains. None of this dampens the joy evident in the group—if anything, it seems almost exacerbated, as though everyone present is desperately trying to hold onto the moment while it’s still here.]
Belle: Miyabi’s face lmao
Some people can keep a straight face through anything
And others freak out if you do so much as sneak a horror movie standee into their room at night…
Wise: I have no idea who you could possibly be talking about
Soukaku: heeheehee
u should come hang out w us sometime!
i know ur busy a lot w proxy stuff
but just. sometime idk
Wise: That sounds really nice
We’ll certainly make time as soon as possible
Belle: Yeah! I miss you guys
Everything is so crazy for us it’s nice to take advantage of downtime when we have it
Soukaku: YAY
ok im gonna come get the movie now
c u in a few minutes!
[A voicemail from Hoshimi Souichirou to Hoshimi Miyabi from October 3rd.]
Ah, Miyabi, looks like I’ve missed you again. That’s too bad. I imagine you’re pretty busy these days, what with being a Void Hunter and leading a section of HSO and all that. Oh, and being newly married, of course. That little thing, haha.
Every time I think about it, it just makes my day that my little girl is all grown up and has a wonderful wife who’s just as smart, driven and kindhearted as you are yourself. I don’t know your Yanagi well yet, but I got to talk to her a bit more at the wedding, and she’s just as lovely as my little Miyabi deserves. I hope to get to know her more in the future, and I hope she’s bringing you all the same joy your mother brought me. She would be so proud of you right now.
But, ah. The real thing I wanted to bring up today was that I…I also spoke to your friend at the wedding, the archer—Harumasa, isn’t it? He seems very nice as well. I’m glad you’ve had such a kind, dependable friend in your corner, and I’m very sorry to hear about his condition. I’ve heard of Ether Aptitude Regression Syndrome before, and from what I know, it’s just a nasty thing to go through.
I just want to make sure you know that I’m always here for you and your family whenever you need, especially when you’re going through such a difficult time. And listen, I was a young adult once too, I know it’s embarrassing to ask for help from your old man, but…you can’t shoulder everything by yourself, my little star. You learned at far too young an age how heavy a burden grief is. I wished I could have protected you from it then, and I wish I could now as well, but much as I wish I could, a dad can’t protect his daughter from anything. But what I can do is help however you need, alright? And if not me, at least let someone take a bit of the burden with you.
Anyways, all this to say, I’m so proud of you, and I’m glad you have such wonderful people in your life. Your mother would be so proud of you right now. You remind me of her more and more every day, my Miyabi.
Whenever you have a moment, give me a call, won’t you? I want to hear how you’re doing. Alright, goodbye now, take care of yourself.
[A page from Asaba Harumasa’s notebook, dated October 26.]
Today was a good day.
Not a super eventful one, but a good one. For once in quite a while, I felt up for taking a walk around the neighborhood with everyone, and it just feels good to get out of the house again. Spring is probably my favorite season, but autumn is a close second. The leaves turn such pretty colors, and there was a nice breeze today. Made me miss being able to get out and practice archery, but this was nice too.
Soukaku and I sat together and drew for a while. She thinks I’m good at drawing, and I don’t know if I would agree, but Miyabi and Tsukishiro do agree, and that’s what matters. I’ve been drawing more lately, just because it’s a nice thing to do even when I’m not feeling up to doing much else. Makes me feel a little less trapped.
Miyabi and I went over to the video store to pick something out, but when we got there, we couldn’t decide on one, so we ended up coming back with, like, an absurd number of movies. That’s alright, though. Belle and Wise waived our fee, because they’re just so nice and all, and I think they’re worrying about me. Besides, some time hanging out with Miyabi is always welcome, and I’m excited to watch all these movies. Maybe we should have a movie night, invite a bunch of friends. That’d be nice.
I’ve just finished helping Tsukishiro with dinner. Turns out, as a team, we make one hell of a good hot pot. We’ve got enough to feed a small army, so like, that should be pretty much enough for Soukaku, haha. We always seemed so poorly matched at work, it’s strange that we’d make such a great team in the kitchen, but we really do. And it’s always lovely to just get to talk to her. Even now, we still rib each other, but not mean-spiritedly, just in the way friends do. That’s comforting, in a weird way. She doesn’t treat me like a fragile egg who could shatter at any moment. Even though right now, well…I kind of am.
I wish there were more days like this. I wish they weren’t so limited. I wish it wasn’t like a shadow hanging over all of us, the knowledge of what will come next.
But wishing won’t save anything, so for now I’ll just let myself feel fortunate for the days I have.
[A letter written by Hoshimi Miyabi, left in the bottom drawer of her desk on November 13th.]
Dear Mother,
Wow, it’s been quite a while since I’ve done this. I suppose I kind of grew out of it at some point. Maybe it started feeling silly, writing to someone who can never return it, as though it would bring you back.
Now, though, my world feels all too similar to the days right after I lost you. Never in all of my adulthood have I felt so much like a scared little girl.
There are three things I know firmly to be true:
One, my best friend is dying. Not slowly, not sometime in a vague, undefined future, but declining so rapidly it’s watching water soak into a cloth, as if the life is being absorbed out of him.
Two, I am terrified. I have faced down the most horrible of monsters with sword in hand, and yet this is the most afraid I’ve been since the day I had to slay you.
Three, I cannot let him know how scared I am. If I do, he’ll expend the little energy he can muster these days in order to make sure I’m alright, and I don’t want him doing that. I want him to get as much as he can out of these numbered days, not waste them worrying about me.
I know I should talk to Yanagi or Soukaku about this, but I hesitate to do that as well. Soukaku is just a child, and I don’t want to put my troubles on her. She is the one who needs my support, not the other way around. And Yanagi…my Yanagi is already dealing with enough. She drives herself into her work to the point of a frenzy, and that’s how I can tell she’s not doing well. She has so much on her plate worrying about Harumasa and Soukaku, I don’t want her fretting over me as well. And I’ve talked to Dad, and it helps some, but he doesn’t really know Harumasa, so it’s not exactly the same.
It’s just so hard to see someone I care about like this. Horrible as your death was, at the very least it was quick. This is just torment, watching him get worse and worse. Everything revolves more and more around the imminent tragedy. With every time his heart pains him so much all he can do is curl in on himself, with every time we have to catch him before he faints, with every cough that splatters blood across his handkerchief, and every day he’s too exhausted to even get out of bed, I feel the end coming closer and closer. At this point, part of me wants it to just be over this, but even as terribly ill as he is, he’s still in good spirits as ever, and that part, I never want to end.
The one consolation, though, is that the three of us are doing anything we can to avoid exposing him to excessive amounts of ether. In the state he’s in, there’s no doubt he would near-instantly corrupt. I already saw you succumb to that fate. On my honor as the heir to the Hoshimi name, it will never happen again to anyone I love.
I wish you were here. You always knew what to do. The citizens of New Eridu seem to frequently think the same of me, but I feel more helpless than I have in years.
Love,
Hoshimi Miyabi
[A voicemail from Tsukishiro Yanagi to Soukaku from November 27th.]
Hi, Soukaku. Don’t forget, Miyabi and I have to work late tonight, so you and Asaba will be alone for a few hours this evening. I’ve got a list of his pills and when he needs them—take them up to him if he’s not feeling up to coming downstairs himself, which he likely won’t be. If you mix anything up, don’t worry, he’ll let you know. If he’s awake, I’m sure he’d be happy for you to keep him company, but if he’s asleep, just let him sleep. He really needs the rest. Call me if anything happens. Alright, I love you, I’ll see you tonight.
[A series of photos saved on December 13th on Tsukishiro Yanagi’s phone to an album titled “family”:
Soukaku trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue.
Harumasa and Miyabi crouching together in the snow, making snow sculptures. Miyabi’s is a fox, and Harumasa’s is a cat that looks remarkably like his Troublemaker. He’s still visibly very ill, but his smile is so full of life that it’s as if he doesn’t even notice.
Yanagi and Miyabi kissing against a snowy backdrop.
Soukaku and Harumasa making snow angels side by side.
Soukaku burying Yanagi in the snow.
Harumasa giggling as a snowball collides with Yanagi’s head, knocking her glasses askew.
Miyabi’s ears peeking out from around a snowbank.
All four members of Section 6 lying in the snow together, all laughing. Every one of them looks exhausted, not just from the day itself, but in the weary manner of people whose every day for months has been a struggle. Yet, their smiles have never been more genuine.]
[Knock-Knock messages between Tsukishiro Yanagi and Hoshimi Miyabi, sent on December 27th.]
Miyabi: Hello love
Yanagi: Hello, my dear
Is something the matter? You’re not usually one to message out of nowhere
Miyabi: Nothing, don’t worry
I just wanted to thank you for agreeing to stay home today
Every three-piece-suit present in this meeting are so bureaucratically intimidating I have no doubt they would have genuinely hunted me down had I not attended
I could easily fight them off but it would not have been worth the hassle
Yanagi: It’s no problem
I couldn’t leave Asaba alone in the state he’s in
Miyabi: How is he now?
Has his temperature dropped at all?
Yanagi: Unfortunately not
It’s a bit higher, actually
Miyabi: Well that isn’t good
Yanagi: No it’s not
He’s quite lucid though
He was just now teasing me for having bedhead
Miyabi: That sounds like our Harumasa
Yanagi: He wants to know if Soukaku is holding up alright
Miyabi: She’s very worried but she’ll be okay, I think
How are you doing, love?
Yanagi: Being perfectly honest?
I’m terrified
I know he’s had worse false alarms but something just feels off
Which I realize is silly, me having a feeling doesn’t mean anything
I just
I don’t know
I’m so scared
Miyabi: I understand
I’m scared too
Yanagi: Shit
Miyabi: What happened
Yanagi: One moment
Okay
Asaba’s chest pain got so bad it caused him to vomit
His fever is also much higher and he’s delirious
He kept calling me “Master” and begging me not to leave
When I told him who I was he started apologizing but I couldn’t make out for what
It’s awful to watch
I haven’t seen him this ill since right after the ether drug case
I’m going to take him into the hospital
Miyabi: That’s a good idea
Please keep me posted
Yanagi: Will do
Yanagi: Alright, we’re in the waiting room now
Yanagi: He’s a bit more clearheaded, but in the car he started getting very short of breath and his inhaler barely helped
Yanagi: Even though he can barely breathe he keeps trying to crack jokes to calm me down and asking me who’s going to feed Trouble
Yanagi: He doesn’t deserve any of this
Yanagi: I don’t want anything to happen to him
Miyabi: Soukaku and I will be right over
Miyabi: Don’t forget, our Harumasa is a fighter
[A voicemail from the New Eridu hospital to Tsukishiro Yanagi, January 3rd.]
Miss Tsukishiro, we wanted to let you know that your family member, Asaba Harumasa, is being moved into hospice care. We don’t have an exact prognosis, but you and the rest of your family should prepare for his passing within the next few weeks. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to his care team with any needs you may have.
[Knock-Knock messages on the Section 6 group chat from January 10th.]
Harumasa: hey
thank you for coming
sorry i can only really talk like this
Yanagi: It’s alright
Harumasa: i mean you guys can talk out loud haha
Yanagi: True, but it feels weird to do that when you can just type
Miyabi: I concur
Soukaku: yayaya
Harumasa: Fair enough haha
Miyabi: Despite not being able to speak, I must say you seem better than you have in weeks
Soukaku: r u getting better harumasa????
will u come home soon?
Harumasa: sorry, buddy, i don’t think so
it’s not an actual improvement it’s like
there’s a word for it but i forget
Yanagi: Terminal lucidity?
Harumasa: yeah that
Soukaku: whats that mean???
Yanagi: It’s when someone with a terminal illness suddenly experiences an increase in mental clarity just before they pass
Harumasa: yeah
oh soukaku
cmere bud
just cry it out ok?
Soukaku: why do u have to die
its not fair
i dont wanna lose more family
Miyabi: Nor do I
Harumasa: I wish I could stay with you
there’s so much I still want to do
on a lighter note how’s trouble doing
Miyabi: She’s okay, but kind of restless
I think she misses you
Harumasa: I miss her too
wish i could snuggle her right now
do the proxies know my situation?
Yanagi: They do
They’re planning on coming tomorrow
Harumasa: ah
tomorrow?
Yanagi: Yes
Is that bad?
Harumasa: i dunno
i’m just
i’m starting to get really tired
Yanagi: Then you should get some sleep
Harumasa: it’s more than that i think
Miyabi: I understand
If you need to go, you can go
Harumasa: yeah
i always hoped it would be like this
not in a hollow overtaken by transformation i can’t control
but as myself with the people i love
Miyabi: I’m glad we can give that to you
Harumasa: and also you know what
i was told on january 9th that i’d have a year at most to live
and it’s the 10th now. so take that, fate
Yanagi: classic you
Harumasa: haha yeah
thank you all for everything
i know it’s probably a pain but you still have cared for me so much
Yanagi: It’s not a pain
Soukaku: yeah!!! cuz we love u
Harumasa: I love you all too
I think I’m gonna sleep now
can you guys stay
just in case
Miyabi: Of course
Harumasa: thank you
Soukaku: sleep goo!!!
Harumasa: haha i’ll do my best