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Luka is a boy.
He knows this, because Heperu told him so. When he was enrolled at Anakt Garden, his gender was stated as MALE. He was placed in the boys’ dorm building, and he uses the boys’ bathroom, because that’s what Heperu wants. He wanted a boy, so when he went about creating his perfect pet, he created Luka to be a boy. Supposedly, male pet-humans are easier to take care of than females.
Luka isn’t sure there’s actually much difference.
He understands why Hyuna would be more difficult to take care of, but he’s pretty sure that’s just Hyuna. She acts like she was meant to be wild and free—not cooped up here in the Garden. She’s loud and energetic and Luka loves her so much because she is everything he is not.
But it doesn’t really have anything to do with him being a boy and her being a girl, does it? It just has to do with how their segyein owners raised them.
It has to do with them being Luka and Hyuna.
Their class is meant to be split into boys and girls for the physical education period, but Luka trails after Hyuna instead.
“You’re not a girl,” one of their classmates jeers.
“No,” Luka agrees, because he’s not. He has no inclination to be a girl either—he just wants to be with Hyuna. Because he likes to be with Hyuna, even if she’s much better at sports than he is. He likes to watch her run and play with the others because she gets that happy grin on her face, and it’s one of the most beautiful sights in the world. She glows brilliantly under the fluorescent sun.
“So why are you here?”
He points at Hyuna. Is that not explanation enough? He goes where Hyuna goes; everyone knows this. They all tease him for being like a lost puppy trailing behind her.
Another classmate butts into the conversation, jabbing an accusing finger into Luka’s chest. He stumbles half a step backwards from the force. “You just want to join us so you can win, since you think you’re stronger than a bunch of girls!”
Luka frowns. That doesn’t make sense at all.
“Hyuna is faster and stronger than me,” he reminds them. Luka’s body wasn’t built for excessive physical activity; it was built to win ALNST. He’s a singer, not an athlete. His heart and lungs can’t keep up with the majority of humans. But if that made him a girl, Heperu would have been sure to give him a stronger body in the final model, and he didn’t. So.
“He’s not gonna do anything anyway,” Hyuna says. “Who cares if he joins us?”
Luka smiles.
Heperu clothes him in ruffles, but never dresses. He wants Luka to be a prince, not a princess.
Luka wears whatever he’s told. It doesn’t really matter to him—ultimately, he is whatever Heperu wants him to be.
If Luka is a boy, then he’s supposed to make the first move. He’s supposed to kiss Hyuna like in the stories their classmates giggle about—an old earth tradition, long forgotten and passed down through fables. Kissing. It’s a foreign concept, and even more so to Luka, but if it’s what he’s supposed to do because he loves Hyuna, then he will do it gladly.
The boy kisses the girl, the boy asks the girl to stay with him forever, the boy initiates every time. And the girl is supposed to listen, or something. Right?
Luka tries to kiss Hyuna.
She pushes him away.
There is blood on the rock, on Luka’s hands, on Hyun-woo’s crushed head. There’s so much of it on his head. But the boy is supposed to protect the girl, and Luka is the boy and Hyuna is the girl and Hyuna is safe now. She’s safe. That’s what’s important.
She cries through the night and Luka stays with her, body pressed against her back, the light on his collar green with content while Hyuna’s burns red as blood.
Hyuna asks him, once, if he feels more like a girl than a boy.
It’s an easy no, because Luka has never longed to be a girl. But she follows it up by asking: If you were born a girl, would you still want to be a boy?
The hypothetical is silly and meaningless—Luka wasn’t born at all; he was created. If he were created to be a girl, then he would be a girl. He’s whatever Heperu chooses for him. And Heperu chose for him to be a boy.
He shrugs.
Hyuna squints at him. Then, she says:
“Do you even feel any desire to be a boy now?”
Luka looks down at himself. Frail body, fingertips perpetually cold and blue. He knows he’s a boy, because Heperu says so, but if not for Heperu’s instruction, would he pick to be a boy over anything else? Is there anything in him that longs to a boy regardless of outside influence?
“Not really,” he admits. “But I don’t really care.”
Being a boy is easy, because it’s a part he knows how to play. Heperu wants him to be a prince, stealing the hearts of segyein around the world—it’s all just part of the performance. To be a singer, to be a boy.
To be the winner of ALNST.
Hyuna stares at him for a long while after that, but she doesn’t argue or even say anything else on the matter at all.
On their last night in the garden, Hyuna kisses him.
She grabs his face, smushing his cheeks between her hands, and presses their lips together. It’s wet, and a little messy, and their teeth clack against each other, but Luka likes it. It’s nice. He wishes he could do it forever.
He likes that it was Hyuna choosing to kiss him, too, even if it’s supposed to be the other way around. Heperu would say it should be the other way around. But Heperu wouldn’t want Luka to be kissing Hyuna at all, so—
Hyuna backs him against the wall, cages him in with her arms, and kisses him until he can’t breathe. She slots one of her legs between his, pressing close, and Luka’s lungs are burning in his chest, but he can’t bring himself to break the kiss. He wraps his arms around Hyuna, wishing he could be closer closer closer. Wishing they could merge into one being.
They could win ALNST together, and Luka would never have to be without Hyuna ever again.
He loves her so, so, much. He can’t imagine outliving her.
When they make it to the final round—when they have to face one another on stage in front of the entire world, in front of Heperu—Luka is going to let her win. Of course he is; he decided that a very long time ago.
The boy protects the girl.
“I hate you,” Hyuna whispers against his lips. Her voice wobbles. “You make me miserable.”
Luka kisses her again.
He’s only a boy because that’s what Heperu decided, but he’s going to be selfish and take what he wants, and then he’s going to die so Hyuna doesn’t have to.
Isn’t that what masculinity is?