The (Ar)Soulmate Principle

by fandomaccount

Summary:

Arthur and Eames have two very different opinions on soulmates.

Too bad they're the perfect match.

Notes:

In case anyone isn’t Scottish (or from Britain in the very least), the title is a play on the word arsehole, which is an insult.

So effectively, The Arsehole Mate Principle :)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Here are some social cues put simply in Eames' own words:

• Soul mates are for life, not just for Christmas.

• Wait until you find your soul mate. You know. For sex.

• Once you find your soul mate, you have to throw a party and invite anything and everything you know.

• Love has no limits blah blah blah, so if two people are put together whom are not of the preferred gender, age, race, religion, culture or species, smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.

• At the ceremony you need to be in a suit. No, that's not a shirt and slacks, Eames. That's a suit.

• People can have at least 2 soul mates in the world. You are not alone.

• Be a good citizen and pick up litter.

Eames has truly given up the fallacy of love and soul-mates or other such ridiculous nonsense.

These facts are true:

Eames has grown up with his two un soul-mated parents who never went to the ceremony and ran away together at 17.

Eames' aunt died, and Eames' uncle followed shortly after. They were mated.

Eames' friends are all dating.

Eames lost his virginity and he can't even remember it.

The ceremony is next week.

 

**

Here's Arthur's take on the situation:

• Your life doesn't begin until you meet your soulmate.

• Sit quietly and patiently in the ceremony. Drink plenty of water so you don’t dehydrate and straighten your tie at opportune moments.

• Be respectful of others soul mates and do not judge.

• Wash your hands at least twice a day.

• Use un-scented deodorant. Your soul mate will appreciate your natural scent (this one Arthur has been told, though he’s still a little dubious).

• Have a small party on the night of the ceremony and stay sober and be impressive. Introduce your mate to close family and friends and be introduced to theirs. Smile, and act polite.

• Be a good citizen and pick up litter.

Here's Arthur's whole life story in summation:

Arthur's parents were childhood friends since the sandpit and were proclaimed soul mates before, during and after the ceremony.

Arthur's grandparents are soul mates.

All Arthur's older cousins are soul-mated.

All Arthur's friends are waiting.

Arthur is secretly terrified he won't have a soul mate.

Arthur loves with his whole being.

The ceremony is tomorrow.