Work Text:
Koha never understood the point of lying.
How would that help your situation?
If you were caught you would just feel shame, right?
He wouldnt know. He's only lied a handful of times.
He doesn’t like being lied to, so why would he lie?
Felix was the one who brought up the topic, just a thought said outloud. But Koha couldnt stop thinking about it.
The more he thought about lying to anyone at all, the more uncomfortable he got. An itch under his skin, leaving him cold.
It wasnt guilt, he knew that. He was well familiar with guilt. This was different than the hot shame that filled your face.
He sighed, rolling over in his bottom bunk, watching as Veve cuddled next to Rei and Luka, the blanket swallowing her frame.
He wondered if she has ever lied. She was honest, as far as he knew. The thought of her lying to him made him nauseous.
His mother lied all the time, more and more over the years. He learned how to tell she was lying, like a sixth sense.
Depending on the lie, he would start yelling. How hard was it to tell the truth?
He looked to felix, who was holding Kohas hand with his right, and holding a book with his left.
He trusted felix, he knew Felix would never lie to him.
Felix was their squad leader after all, he couldn’t lie. He was too important.
He closed his eyes again, feeling bile rise at the memory of Veve calling him a liar when he first arrived at the squad doors.
He knew she didn’t mean it, but the accusation was absurd. Koha knew she was joking now, but at the time he had screamed in her face.
He still felt guilty.
When Veve just asked to start over, he had just stared at her. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but they were repairing the cracks.
He thought back to the times the others had accused each other of lying.
Had they ever felt that anger like he did? The urge to rip the others tongue out of their filthy mouth?
Luka had brushed it off when Michi called them a liar after they had a sudden schedule change, which went against the time they had told the group.
They explained it calmly, and pulled proof. Koha could never. He would immediately start yelling at the other.
When Acholi was alive, Koha had asked,
“Why do you lie to my mother?”
Acholi had smiled, and giggled.
“Your mother is very strict! We must not get in trouble!”
Koha had never felt so confused.
The worst lie he had told was to his mother. He had gone out of the castle past curfew, visiting the stables.
His mother had asked where he had gone, and he had told her the kitchen.
She didn’t believe him, and that familiar shame washed over his face.
He felt so exposed, like his skin had been ripped off his body, leaving raw meat for his mother to chew and feast on.
She hadn’t cared, that being before she had gone insane.
But Koha never forgot. He couldn’t.
When he had been alone in his room at night back at the castle, he let his thoughts wash over him.
That lie was a frequent occurrence in his mind.
He would go cold everywhere but his face, trying to rid the thought.
He wanted to grit his teeth to the gums and rip his bones out, one by one.
He sighed, getting up.
He hated liars.