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Santa Barbara had lots of crime, an extremely good thing for Shawn as he was a private investigator, head psychic with the Santa Barbara Police Department. Most of the crime was along the theft/murder lines and Shawn very rarely worked a case with an abundance of children which was also good. Not that Shawn wasn’t good with children, they always recognized one of their own and would tell him much more than they’d tell Lassie or even Jules sometimes. It was that Shawn wasn’t good with child victims.
The case was a dead priest. At first sight it seemed like something interesting, how many reasons can there be to kill a priest? Lassie’s initial theory was someone told him something during Confession and realised he couldn’t let the Father live with that knowledge. Shawn had known it was personal.
Lassie went undercover, spending all his time in the damn Confessional booth while Shawn dug around. Proudly he informed Gus and Jules that a priest had punched him, neither were sure why Shawn was proud of being punched by a priest but they let him tell them what had happened anyway.
Then came the bad bit. Shawn told Jules who killed Father Murphy. It was an altar boy who Father Murphy had been molesting and had tried to upgrade to raping; the boy had snapped and stabbed the Father repeatedly. Thankfully the law would be kind in this case.
It was the next day and Gus had tricked Shawn to church, specifically the church they’d been investigating in. Shawn had a bad feeling but followed Gus inside because if it wasn’t Sunday there was nothing that could be that bad.
“Shawn, you’re one person who would greatly benefit from regular confessions. Lord knows you lie, cheat and steal enough.” Gus informed his friend firmly pushing him towards the box.
“Gus, don’t be a deflated bouncing castle. I promised to go once and I did.”
“Just go Shawn. You’ll feel better.”
“You said that last time too.” Shawn pouted but let Gus push him towards the booths.
“Look, I would feel better; will you just go in and confess?”
“Fine, but tacos afterwards.”
“You know that’s right.” Gus smiled when Shawn opened the right door this time.
“Forgive me Father for I have sinned it’s been three years since my last confession which was just a quickie to satisfy Gus so it’s been nearly eighteen years since my last proper confession.”
“What?” The voice sounded familiar. On the other side of the screen Lassiter was mildly freaking out. He recognized Shawn’s voice and was debating staying here and getting dirt but it was wrong. Quietly he cursed his luck, he’d just come back to grab the book he’d left here when he rushed out to make the arrest of Father Murphy.
“That’s not very priestly I don’t think. Or maybe it is; the last one said ‘wow’.” Shawn sighed and settled into the chair. “Look do you have any place to be soon because this could take a while?”
“I have time.” Lassiter deepened his voice so Shawn wouldn’t recognize him.
“Right well I’m not too clear on what’s still a sin so stop me if I get too off track.” Shawn began. “Let’s start with stealing. I don’t do it often, and usually it’s Gus but sometimes I try and steal Lassie’s badge and hide it somewhere he’ll find it soon enough. Originally I started by trying to get his gun but the guy is way too attached to that, there’s a gun kink in him that probably scared Marlow off.” Shawn mused. “Lassie’s a detective by the way.”
“Go on.”
“Yeah you get the idea for theft. What next?”
“Start with lying, everybody lies.” Lassiter grinned to himself.
“Don’t want to get hot and bothered in there until you can escape to a bathroom? Fair enough. You do the whole celery-bouncy thing.”
“Celibacy.” Lassiter corrected.
“I’ve heard it both ways.” Came the common response. “Good news about lying: it’s the nature of my job. I have to lie to get into places, get people talking or just get my partner to follow me into potentially dangerous situations that I can usually lie my way out of. I’m a private detective.” It was the first time he hadn’t added the psychic and Lassiter wondered if he’d finally get his proof.
“How often do you lie?”
“All the time. Especially to my dad, he’s always underestimating me and telling me how useless I am compared to Lassie and other detectives and because he’s kind of in charge of hiring me I have to lie to him a lot. He should just disown me and adopt Lassie. Huh, is disrespecting parents still a sin?”
“Yes, the Lord commands us to love our mother and father.”
“Well I love my mother, but I hate my father. We’ve gotten better over the last seven years but I’ll never like him, not after the way he raised me. He did want the best for me, best being life as a cop that is and anyone who knows me can tell you that would not end well. Hmm, back to lying.”
“Alright.” Lassiter found himself feeling sorry for Shawn, he looked so miserable in that confessional booth talking about his father.
“I am a liar, but I always have been. I usually lie about myself, or more accurately everything about me is a lie.” Shawn chuckled to himself. “Most of my other lies are small and transparent so they hardly count.”
“They still count to the Lord son.”
“That is so priestly. I only lie to help people or save people, myself included in the latter. Can we move on to impure thoughts?”
“Hold on, what do you mean everything about you is a lie?” Lassiter felt bad when he saw how much Shawn deflated at the question.
“Where do I start? I’m forever lying about where I’ve been. I’m not happy, well not the care-free innocent way everyone thinks I am. Have you ever had a nightmare so intense you actually wake up but you still can’t scream because fear is choking you?”
“Yes.” Lassiter answered honestly, he was a cop after all, he’d seen enough to fuel nightmares.
“Every night. I’m an insomniac which I work very hard to hide, to the point that no one knows. Gus knows that I can pull an all-nighter for big cases but that’s it. I get a couple of hours each night but sometimes my ‘gift’ makes sleep impossible so I do other secret things.
“Such as?”
“Go to the gun range or practice hand to hand combat mostly. It’s not a skill I need often but it makes me feel better, especially because the police have never noticed me sneaking in. My job often requires me to work faster than the police which is both easy and incredibly difficult and sneaking into their gun range is good practice. If I can’t do that then I go out and pick someone up but that barely works.”
“You mentioned a ‘gift’? What is that?”
“My innate abilities of awesome that no one realises isn’t always good. I get visions, flashbacks and recreation flashbacks, sometimes with new evidence. That’s something I’ve always had, just like Lady Gaga I was born that way.”
“Visions? Would that be witchcraft?” Lassiter remembered his priestly role.
“Nope. Just hard work adding to my natural gift.”
“You think your psychic?” Lassiter pushed.
“Some things are a mystery.” Shawn offered sadly. “I’m not an idiot like Lassie thinks I am.”
“You care about his opinion?” Lassiter was shocked.
“Kind of. He’s the son I should have been as my dad frequently reminds me, I can’t help it. I look up to him a bit and not just because he’s taller. When he arrests me I’ll tell him the truth I suppose.”
“Why would he arrest you?”
“He’s wanted to for seven years, I’m not an idiot; he’ll get to one day. My fake persona sabotages the possibility of never getting caught. His face when I tell him though.” Shawn laughed quietly. “The last thing he’d believe is that I’m actually a genius, actually that’s the last thing most people would believe about me.”
“Genius?” Lassiter cursed himself for sounding so suspicious but it made Shawn giggle.
“See, even you don’t believe me when I tell the truth. I sometimes wonder if he’d understand. Sacrificing happiness for justice he would but how far can you push the law to uphold it?”
“That’s not my area.” Lassiter forced himself to say. “So you lie about everything.”
“Yeah. Does fake greed count?”
“I don’t know what you mean by fake greed.”
“Well I don’t actually care about money; it’s too easy to accumulate to mean anything. But I do pretend the job is for fun and money, it stops people from seeing how f- screwed up I am.”
“I think that would count under lying.”
“More lying.” Shawn pretended to cheer. “Uh, I’m lazy if that counts.”
“Sloth is a grievous sin.”
“Sloths are awesome!” Shawn defended “They do nothing all day and are cute. Well I could do so much more if I stopped the slacker persona but I’m kind of stuck in it now. Lying once just starts a huge web of lies you can’t escape from. Oh! Pride, I’m damn proud of myself, I’m actually quite awesome. Uh, impure thoughts time?”
“Go for it.”
“Now I hope you don’t mind but I am equal opportunity which I know you guys think is a sin but really you have fiddly priests so I don’t think you get to comment.”
“Homosexuality is a sin.”
“You don’t sound convinced, it’s okay in here you don’t have to lie anymore.” Shawn stared straight at the screen and spoke gently. “You can admit you’re gay in here.” Lassiter remained silent. “Fine, if you’re too repressed to be honest with yourself I hope you enjoy wanking to my fantasies.”
“Masturbation is a sin.”
“I suppose prostitution is a sin too. Everything’s a sin, get over it. Live a little! Go out and get turned on by things and enjoy life.” Shawn urged.
“We were talking about your impure thoughts?” Lassiter had to hold off from growling, wondering what the hell Shawn meant by ‘prostitution is a sin too’ because it was painting a picture Lassiter wasn’t sure he liked.
“Oh yeah. Well Jules features in the straight ones, they’re all pretty vanilla so no issues there. One or two about the Chief which disturb even me but ever since I had that vision of her as Frau Frabissina well let’s just say it was hot and kinky.” Lassiter shuddered at the image.
“Go on.” He said hoping that was about it.
“Saved the kinkiest for last!” Shawn grinned and Lassiter resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. “Lassie is the main star of my man-on-man fantasies. We’d be like Aaron and Spencer because I’m a genius named Spencer and he’s the gruff older detective who keeps from getting shot.” Lassiter was very proud that he didn’t scream.
“Example?” He asked wondering why he hated himself.
“We’re at the station and I’ve just gotten the confession before he could and I’m flaunting it. I accidentally let slip a slight misdemeanour that made the difference for me solving the case. He shoves me up against the wall of the interrogation room and Gus flees because he hates it when Lassie gets violent. I love it.”
“Continue.” Lassiter tried to sound bored.
“He yanks my arms roughly behind me and handcuffs me before frisking me because he’s suspicious and probably knows that handcuffs cannot hold me unless I let them.” Lassiter hummed urging him to continue. “Then he’d turn around and I’d start mouthing off. He’d backhand me to shut me up and I’d fall to the floor in front of him.” Shawn’s breath was speeding up “I’d jokingly offer to suck his cock and he’d pull out his gun instead. Before I could finish the joke the gun would be in my mouth and his hand would be in my hair holding me still.”
“You can stop now.” Lassiter didn’t want to hear more, it was wrong and they were in a church. This was so inappropriate and entirely Spencer.
“He’d say something snarky before ordering me to suck. When I don’t comply he’d turn the safety off. I’d close my eyes and start to suck, missing it when he turns the safety back on because Lassie is very safe and would never carry an unloaded gun.”
“That’s enough.”
“I’d be sucking his glock and shivering a little, which he would mistake for fear. After a minute he’d pull the glock out and undo his fly. He wouldn’t be careful as he fucks my throat, scarcely giving me enough time to breath. Finally he’d cum in my mouth but I’m too turned on to swallow it all fast enough and a little bit would drip down my chin.”
“Enough.”
“He’d use one finger to push it back in my mouth and I’d suck his finger. He’d laugh and call me a whore, manhandling me until I was bent over the table with my legs spread wide and my pants on the floor and his hand in my hair pulling my head up.”
“Seriously that’s enough.”
“He’d spank me, call me names and insult me. I’d be begging for him to touch me by now, desperate to get off which would only make him hit me harder. Once my ass is red and aching he’d shove two fingers in my mouth and I’d suck as hard as I could.”
“Stop.”
“He’d roughly shove the two fingers up my ass laughing as I whimpered and he’d be telling me I had to call him by his full title before he’d let me cum. I’m enjoying it too much so I shake my head and he’d start to pinch my nipples and scratch me. I’d still be begging like a two dollar whore but he’d threaten me with what he’d do if I came too early.”
“Seriously Spencer stop it.”
“Finally I’d whisper his name, he’d make me shout it and I would. Then he’d hit that spot with his fingers and wrap a hand around my dick and I’d be coming on the interrogation room table, crying in relief.” Lassiter bit back a whimper; he was never going to get that image out of his head. “Lassie?” Shawn squeaked a moment later. “Please tell me it’s actually a priest over there.” He said bright red with humiliation.
Instead of answering Lassiter found the catch on the screen and shoved it to the side, jumping forward to slam Shawn against a wall.
“I know you’re not psychic.” Lassiter whispered in Shawn’s ear and he whined, hands fluttering around Lassiter’s sides.
“There’s a condom in my pocket.” Shawn offered with wide eyes. Lassiter growled and whipped out his gun, sliding it into that perfect mouth without hesitation, Shawn groaned and sucked hard, eyes fluttering shut for a moment before staring into Lassiter’s. Lassiter watched his gun disappearing into Shawn’s mouth, feeling his fingertip brush Shawn’s teeth.
“Such a slut.” Lassiter scolded as he searched Shawn’s jeans pockets pulling out the small foil packet before unbuttoning the man’s jeans. Shawn took over, pulling his jeans and boxers off without breaking eye contact. Shawn clumsily undid Lassiter’s belt before having his hands caught and slammed into the wall above his head.
“Want to know what you’re going to do next?” Lassiter asked dangerously. “You’re going to get on your knees.” Shawn whimpered “You will suck my cock while fingering yourself. Then I will fuck you and no matter how much you beg you are not getting off on this until I hear my full title without any sarcasm.” Shawn moaned and Lassiter nipped his ear in warning. “You will be quiet without inane blabber or comparisons.” Lassiter added.
Stepping to the side Lassiter brought his gun hand up to supports Spencer’s wrists as he kicked the man’s knees forward, keeping him from falling on his face. Releasing Shawn’s wrists Lassiter undid his fly with on hand, groaning when Shawn pulled his cock out gently and latched onto it with that smart mouth of his. Lassiter quickly put his gun back in his holster and gripped Shawn’s hair, Shawn paused to lick his fingers before Lassiter pulled him back to sucking.
“I suggest you be quick.” Lassiter growled and Shawn tilted his head back slightly, the hand clutching Lassiter’s trouser leg trembling as Shawn began to finger himself. Shawn did his best to keep his eyes open, staring up at Lassiter looking like a damned porn star on the floor of a confessional booth.
Lassiter could see when Shawn added a second finger, the younger man bucked his hips slightly and the detective decided this was too easy on Shawn still. Hands tightening in hair Lassiter pulled Shawn forward, slow enough that the man had time to let his jaw go slack and let out a whimper before swallowing around the cock sliding down his throat. While the idea of fucking Shawn’s mouth with abandon sounded great Lassiter was a bit gentler than fantasy-Lassie, making sure that Shawn had enough opportunities to breath. Lassiter pulled out and slapped Shawn’s face occasionally, relishing the slightly nonsensical begging it prompted.
“You ready?” Lassiter growled after a few minutes and Shawn nodded enthusiastically again. With an evil grin Lassiter pulled out and deftly rolled the condom onto himself. “Pity you weren’t carrying lube.” Shawn lunged forward, tongue spreading saliva everywhere. A moment later Lassiter hauled Shawn to his feet and shoved him against the wall again in one smooth movement. One hand pinned Shawn’s wrists above his head again while the other held Shawn still so Lassiter could slowly ease into the man’s body.
“Lassie fuck me hard.” Shawn panted against the wall, rocking backwards as much as he could, trying to get more of Lassiter’s cock faster. “Make me contrite.” He begged and Lassiter grinned.
“You know what you have to say.” Lassiter panted into his ear before pulling nearly out and thrusting back in quickly. His free hand slid under Shawn’s shirt to pinch a nipple harshly and scratch down his ribs. Shawn moaned loudly and Lassiter wrapped his hand around Shawn’s cock in a tight ring.
“Lassie.” Shawn whined “Harder” Lassiter complied and Shawn strained against his Lassie-bonds, muffling his shouts in his own shoulder, eyes squeezed shut.
“Just say please.” Lassiter teases and Shawn groans, biting his own arm to stop the words from spilling out. “Better say them soon or you’ll remain unsatisfied.” Lassiter threatens, feeling himself getting close, and Shawn whimpers.
“Please Lassiter.” Shawn whimpers, almost breaking.
“Close.” Lassiter grunts and Spencer holds off for another half-minute.
“Please Head Detective Carlton Lassiter” the words tumble out in a mess of desperation “fucking let me come.”
“I missed that.” Lassiter says softly and Shawn groans tipping his head back and Lassiter bits at his neck.
“Please Head Detective Carlton Lassiter would you rub your gun hand along my dick and let me fucking come already.” Shawn pants desperately and Lassiter groans. He does as asked, biting down on Shawn’s shoulder to stop himself shouting as he lets thrusts erratically, coming. A second later and Shawn’s groaning into his arm, spurting across the pristine confessional wall.
Lassiter rests his head on Shawn as he fights to regulate his breathing and stay upright, Shawn is sure that he’s only still standing because Lassiter is pinning him to the wall.
“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee,” Shawn giggled causing Lassiter to find his legs and stand on his own, pulling the condom off and tying it. “In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good I have sinned against Thee whom I should love above all things.” Shawn bent to gather his boxers.
“Spencer what are you doing?” Lassiter growled but Shawn just grinned as he put his pants on.
“I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins to do penance and amend my life. Amen.” Shawn finished.
“You know I can’t absolve you. I’m pretty sure we should get a priest here now.”
“I don’t know; I’m starting to like confession. Now the next time Gus tricks or forces me into it I can shock the priest but don’t worry I’ll keep a psychic eye on him in case of heart attacks.”
“Spencer.” Lassiter growled.
“Sexy growl.” Shawn muttered to himself.
“Come over to my place tonight. We need to talk about this.”
“And have more sex I hope. I’m starting to sense that my fantasies were actually vision of the future.” Shawn grinned and Lassiter rolled his eyes. “Anyway I will leave now and let you have any freak out you feel is necessary. I’ll see you sevenish?” Lassiter nodded and Shawn just about skipped out of the confessional leaving Lassiter to clean up.
“Shawn!” Gus said standing up when Shawn came around the corner.
“You know Gus, you were right. I feel so much better now.” Shawn grinned.
“See, I told you.” Gus started to walk towards the confessional. “Do your penance while I confess.”
“Oh I already did my penance.” Shawn said making Gus freeze and turn around suspiciously. “On my knees.” Shawn licked his lips and Gus’ eyes went wide.
“You. You. You did what!?” Gus whispered angrily.
“Quickie in the confessional booth!” Shawn cheered offering his fist for bumping. “Well. Not-so-quick-quickie in the confessional booth!” Gus grabbed his arm and began to drag him out of the church. “Gus! Gus you wanted to confess too! Gus why are you dragging me away? We used protection! Ow, slow down my butt hurts!” Shawn said with increasing volume, drawing the attention of the actual priest and two ladies. “Are we still getting tacos?” the church doors slammed behind them.