It's fine

by Robins_extra_stuff (pastatsap)

Summary:

She was fine now.

Like she always was.

or

panic attacks

She wanted to cry. She didn't. Like always.

Instead, she dug her fingers into her arms. Clawing at her skin.

Something unnoticeable as long as they didn't look.

They never saw.

She didn't want them to see.

Seeing meant answering.

Her voice was gone.

...

Heart pounding.

Panting too loud.

It was hard to breathe.

Shoving her sleeve in her mouth and biting down.

No noise meant she didn't exist.

Her leg bounced unconsciously.

Slamming it against the chair leg.

Pain was okay.

Pain meant…
something

…

Break was called.

She bolted out of the room.

It wasn't over yet.

She just needed to shut up.

Shut up shut up shut up shut up.

…

Breathe.

In.

Out.

Repeat.

…

She was fine now.

Like she always was.

Notes:

Heavily based on real experiences, I suppose.

It's hard to exist sometimes. Considering the fact that I have extreme social anxiety. And it thinks that it would be really funny if I panicked in front of people I talk to all the time.

Doctors may gaslight me into not trusting my own body, but that experience was real. Fuck doctors in america. This is what I actually feel like.

Just because I talked in front of your old ass, doesn't mean I can always talk.