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Dancing together to a song so lustful is hard when you're broken up with the person. Yet they try their best to hide their personal grudges. But in the practice room when nobody else is present, it gets to an awkward silence looming over them.
Yeonjun and Soobin had broken up a week ago, saying "they didn't have the time" for it. It was Soobin who suggested the breakup. And Yeonjun didn't protest. So now here they are, broken up and dancing to a couple song together.
The song starts, they move together. The first steps are separate, that's no issue. But the issue begins when the proximity gets too much to handle. The brush of a hand, a look of the eyes. And then Soobin's hand caressing Yeonjun's cheek. It's all part of the dance, but it's as if his hand lingers just a moment more than the beat tells him to.
He's the one who broke up, so why is he the one yearning, you may ask. Because the regret that comes with leaving your love is greater than anything.
"Why did I break up?"
"Why did I say all that?"
"Why, why, why??"
The questions eat up his mind as his body dances from pure muscle memory. And it sparks every time any part of his body touches Yeonjun's.
On the other hand, Yeonjun seems fine. Like none of it matters to him. He dances casually, he moves properly. None of his movements look awkward or stiff like Soobin's does. Is he really that unaffected by it? Does it not take a toll on him to dance with his ex this closely?
Maybe not, he's a professional dancer after all. He can differentiate between a dance partner and his ex well.
Or so Soobin thought.
While Soobin fights with his rain of Whys, Yeonjun swallows down tears. No, they're not threatening to fall, he hasn't even let them reach that point. He's holding back with all his might.
His mind doesn't ask him "why."
It simply tells him "Bear with it."
"You have to bear with it for your group. You have to perform."
So he does. He dances with his body. He dances with half his soul as the other half keeps lingering onto Soobin across the room.
The practice ends quietly. Neither of them says a word.
"That's it for today." Yeonjun says before leaving the room in a practiced rush. He runs home fast, fast enough to not run into Soobin again in the dorms. He closes the door behind him as soon as he gets to his room. That door is not opening again tonight. Not as long as Soobin is here. He can't bear another moment with Soobin after this much forced proximity due to the duo stage together.
Tomorrow is the rehearsal, he doesn't know how much of this he can handle anymore.
.
.
.
Soobin stands there alone, waiting for the other boy to come on stage for the rehearsal. But that doesn't happen.
Yeonjun doesn't show.
The song plays, and Soobin dances alone, drenched in the loneliness of the absence of his partner.
"His partner"
He wishes to call Yeonjun that again. But can he? Does he have the right to do that?
Would he have to handle this solitude again during the main stage? God, he wishes not. This solitude tastes worse on his tongue than the pain of having to touch Yeonjun despite not being allowed to anymore.
.
.
During the main stage, Yeonjun stands beneath the stage, rethinking everything that has happened in the past couple weeks. He doesn't want to go up there, he doesn't want to dance with Soobin again when after this they have to go back to acting like exes. But he can't ruin a performance. It's his duty, his profession. He can't let feelings get in the way of his job. Besides, there's no way he will harm his group for his personal grudge.
So he goes up on stage.
There's smoke everywhere.
It's their first stage together, after months of practicing it with touches that lingered longer than normal except for the last week. The bitter, last week where they had to act like nothing was going on despite everything breaking inside them.
He walks over to stand beside Soobin, and dance.
The smokescreen changes color from pink to blue everytime they switch lines. And both cover the stage every time their bodies touch each other.
Yeonjun hates this. He hates this performance, he hates these colors, he hates this stage. He hates that he has to perform this song with his ex Soobin and not his lover Soobin.
And for a moment there, he could almost see the same feeling reciprocated in Soobin's eyes.
It made his pupils go wide. Does he hate it too? Does he feel the same way? Does he want everything back, too?
But the look fades too fast for him to be sure of anything.
And the performance continues from there on.
After the performance, Yeonjun gets called backstage
"Yeonjun hyung, I have to ask you something-"
But that's all Soobin manages before they're called back to get the change of clothes for the very next performance.
And so the conversation is left unsaid for the rest of the night. Even when they were at the dorm drinking beer in the dining room. Even when they were babbling all drowsy and heading to their rooms.
Nobody said anything. Neither of them said anything.
It's 3 in the morning that Soobin hears a knock on his door. Opening it he had expected anyone but whom it actually was.
The boy's head falls on Soobin's shoulder almost instantly as the door is moved from him. He babbles something incoherent.
"What is it, hyung?" Soobin asks, trying his best to keep his composure as his heart twists and turns in his chest. On a typical night after a concert, the two would stay together and giggle about stupid shits after they were done drinking with the group. But now they're not doing it anymore, and he wonders if the drunk Yeonjun is here for that time.
"how...dare you break up... with me..." he gets the statement out in a struggle. And it catches Soobin off guard.
How dare he break up with him? He's been asking himself that too.
"We never have time...not even for our families...but we always had time for each other." he stumbles over his words but speaks quite clearly. "how dare you say we don't have the time to date."
Really, how dare he?
Soobin's hand shakes, hesitating to come up and hold Yeonjun. But he does it anyways, he holds his hyung by the arms, holds him tight so he doesn't slip away.
"Exactly, how dare I do that, right?" he chuckles, a bitter smile on his lips.
Yeonjun looks up, his eyes are droopy, he's clearly drunk, but not enough to be out of his senses. He's doing everything on purpose and by choice.
"Apologize."
"I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry"
Now the tears fall down, Yeonjun couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears fall down, they race down his cheeks onto the floor.
A pair of hands come up to hold his face softly, caressing his cheeks and wiping away the rolling down tears.
A pair of lips come to caress his lovingly. Yes, lovingly.
A forehead rests on his cautiously.
"Can I beg to have you back, hyung?"
It takes a while for Yeonjun to process the question. And when he does, he does the lightest nod possible. But he nodded, no? That's everything Soobin needed.