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Chenle loves being an idol. He loves the attention, he loves being on stage, and most of all he loves singing. He’s talented at what he does and he knows it. The money is a bonus when it’s there but he’s already had that. (not to brag)
However there is a small price to pay when you’re an idol for so long. Especially for Chenle, he’s been with nct dream since he was around fourteen, which should legally never happen again. So he may be a little inexperienced in some ways.
He’s had his fair share of exposure to many things. He’s traveled the world, with his family and his coworkers. ‘We are friends!!!’ Jisung would say. He’s done a lot for his group and has participated in many things. Not to mention, he loves the concept of his group and he loves that he gets to do it with his best friends (coworkers, he’d say only to make Jisung mad).
So when the news first dropped that Mark was leaving he realized that there is a lot more to life than just comebacks, title tracks, and photoshoots. It didn’t hit him at first but ever since it became finalized and the posts were made it all came crashing down. Who is he if not an idol? What’s his purpose? He’s loved everything so far and it’s kept him busy. So busy in fact that he forgot to have the milestones a regular person would have.
Like kissing.
Which should be more embarrassing but Chenle is trying to own it. It’s just a societal construct that doesn’t mean a thing. He could live his entire life never going any further than what he has already done, and it would be fine! Regardless, he’s kissed people before like his classmates when he was a player in grade school (but does that count), he’s kissed some girls when he first debuted (it was so awkward), and Jisung (no comment), but it’s never been more than that.
He never went further than just a few kisses, definitely not counting that time he and Jisung… well he doesn’t want to think about it. Anyways, he’s never made out with someone. He’s never been allowed the time to have a dance floor makeout or a messy bar makeout, whatever you call it. He’s never had a lazy morning with someone in his bed, kissing until it’s finally time to get ready. Usually it wouldn’t be a problem, but lately it’s been like an itch he can’t reach.
Under his skin and sitting in the back of his head reminding him at the worst times.
Like now, he’s sitting on the couch watching some shitty drama wishing he wasn’t alone. Well technically he isn’t alone, Jaemin is there. But he means alone in a relationship way.
It’s not fair, he thinks. To him it feels like Mark is leaving them behind, specifically Chenle. It's how he's been perceiving Mark in his head but he knows that’s not true. Chenle tells himself to stop thinking like that about Mark. He knows that Mark loves all the members and would never purposefully do something hurtful. He’s excited for him and his plans, but what now? Who is he supposed to bother for dinner? When will they all perform together? The whole situation has made him think a little too hard about his own life.
All that being said he can’t get over the fact that he’s twenty five and never went further than a handful of pecks on the mouth and cheeks. He’s halfway to fifty, god!
Twenty five year old virgin loser! Maybe if he waits five years, he will start reading minds.
If he were to talk to Jeno, he’d disagree and say that virginity and all of it is just a concept. And truly, waiting for the right person and the right time is always the better choice. Blah blah blah. Chenle fucking knows that. He’s allowed to feel pissed off, right?
What does Jeno know anyway? Chenle knows he’s not a virgin, if what he has heard from his room is true. Regardless, that’s why he’s not asking Jeno for advice. He purposely asked Jaemin to come over under the excuse to watch this shitty drama that he’s not even paying attention to. Jaemin however, is paying attention for some reason.
“So like,” Chenle starts but he doesn’t know where to begin.
He knows he needs advice but he doesn’t know how to get there.
“Do you uh,” he stutters. “Wait.”
By this time Jaemin is finally looking back at him which doesn’t help at all. Jaemin always has this energy about him, it’s weird. It makes Chenle feel all squirmy inside like he’s trying to figure out exactly what he’s thinking.
“Are you like…” Chenle trails off making a gesture at nothing.
“Spit it out!”
“Do you fuck???”
Wait, that's not what he wanted to say! He should just end this all now. Accept his fate and be a virgin loser forever.
“What-“ Jaemin says.
“I mean,” he starts again, cutting Jaemin off before he can make fun of him. “Have you, or wait actually you have, wait have you-“
“Oh my god yes I’ve fucked,” Jaemin cuts him off this time, and good thing too. Chenle was talking himself in a hole. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Well, I just,” Chenle sighs, slumping back onto the couch.
“You’ve fucked too right?” Jaemin asks.
Chenle just looked at him. He can’t imagine what he looks like right now.
“No way,” Jaemin said with a shit eating grin.
“Please don’t-“
“Awwww Chenle, so cute~” Jaemin laughed. He got closer to him on the couch and shook his shoulders. “Baby Chenle~”
“Stop! Oh my god.”
This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. Maybe he should’ve gone to Jeno.
“What’s the furthest you’ve gone huh?” Jaemin pokes him, literally, hard in the shoulder.
“Oh my god!” Chenle swats him away. “I don’t even want to answer that now.”
“Blowjob?” He asks.
Silence.
“Handjob?” He asks again, his eyebrows raising further.
Chenle remains silent. This is so embarrassing, he knows his ears are bright red and it’s flushing down his neck.
“Chenle…” Jaemin starts again.
“Bro I know,” Chenle finally says something. “Don’t even.”
The surprised look on Jaemin's face turns into a sympathetic one. This is exactly what Chenle did not want. He didn’t want Jaemin to feel sorry for him for something that should be normal. It shouldn’t be a big deal, and Chenle knows that, but he can’t help but feel left behind. He looks away from Jaemin, he doesn’t need that.
Jaemin leans back and sits there in silence for a beat. He’s thinking, that can never be good.
“Why not?” He asks. “What’s keeping you from it?”
Chenle thinks. Really what is it? The fact that he was busy? No way, tons of other idols have relationships despite being so busy. Hell, some are even more busy than him and are still getting out there.
Was he scared of the scandal? The backlash? Before now, he's been pretty chill with his life. He's been going with the flow for what seems like forever. What's changed?
He knows Renjun has been on various dates, even had a little thing going on with Haechan in the past. Jeno gets around, he knows Mark has had many relationships until he and Haechan finally figured it out… sort of. Jisung is, well Chenle doesn’t really know. He keeps his dating life private. That’s only dream, not including the rest of nct, which he tries his best to keep up on.
It’s true that his life changing and being under the spotlight at such a young age isn’t quite normal. But there has to be more.
“I don’t know,” Chenle replies. He feels defeated and embarrassed now that Jaemin knows, even though it was never a secret.
“Hey, look at me,” Jaemin says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m sorry how I reacted at first, I just didn’t expect it.”
Now this is why he went to Jaemin. Yes, he can be weird at times or unserious. He’s quick to joke first, take the low hanging fruit. He can also be a little obsessive, focusing on the small details rather than the big picture. But in the end he’s always caring. Despite any differences Jaemin always understands and listens.
Chenle looks back at him finally. He doesn’t have a mean grin on his face so that’s good.
Chenle looks away again. “It’s so stupid.”
“No it’s not,” Jaemin replies. “It doesn’t matter really.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Chenle snaps. “You fuck.”
“Yea but,” he says, and Chenle can tell that Jaemin is at a loss for words. “Okay, clearly I don’t get it. I know.”
More silence. Chenle can't think of anything Jaemin could say that would help. That's just his own projection.
“Stop thinking so hard I think I smell something burning,” Chenle says, still looking away.
“Yah!” Jaemin pushes his shoulder, making him fall sideways on the couch. Chenle just accepts his fate. “Wait yeah lay down I’m going to therapize you.”
Chenle scoffs but follows anyway, not like Jaemin is giving him a choice as he’s grabbing his legs to put on his own lap. Jaemin hands him a pillow and tells him to hug it and look up to the ceiling.
“So how does that make you feel?”
“I didn’t fucking say anything!”
Jaemin laughs. “Okay okay, for real now. I want to understand, so you being inexperienced… it’s bothering you?”
“No shit.”
“Okay let’s expand on that,” Jaemin replies, and Chenle really wants to hit him with the pillow.
Instead he just hugs the pillow tighter and continues to look at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath and really thinking about why he’s been so bothered lately.
It doesn’t help that everything is so overwhelming. He feels like his world is ending while simultaneously knowing that a whole new one is opening up. It’s the fact that everything from now on will be unknown. But he knows Jaemin feels the same about that, as he has dealt with it too. Maybe if he could fix this one thing, it would make other parts of him better.
So instead, the pressing issue: why does being a virgin and inexperienced make Chenle feel like he wants to rip his hair out?
Chenle breathes in and out one more time. He's gathering his wits before he can make a bigger fool out of himself.
“Well, it makes me feel left behind. Or like I’m missing out, but it’s frustrating because I don’t even know if I want to have sex.”
Jaemin hums and nods in thought.
“Also, I know I want to… make out I guess, but I feel so awkward. Everytime I’ve kissed someone I've felt weird,” Chenle continues. He feels embarrassed admitting it, but maybe this is helping him.
“And, it’s like I never thought about it before I guess? I knew I wasn’t doing what some other people were doing, it just didn’t bother me at the time.”
“Who have you kissed?”
“I don’t have to tell you-“
“It’ll help me solve your problems,” Jaemin interrupts.
“Alright,” Chenle sighs. He then tells Jaemin his kissing history which isn’t that much obviously. From grade school to predebut, which wasn’t that long of a time. Before he mentioned it he knew he was going to get a reaction when he said, “and then I kissed Jisung once.”
He tried to trail it off in the end but Jaemin heard it all.
“You kissed jisung!?” Jaemin asks. “Why would you- sorry I’ll calm down.”
“You kissed jisung,” jaemin says again, more like he was convincing himself.
“Yep,” Chenle says. He put the pillow over his face. “And that was totally it.”
Jaemin couldn’t help himself. “When??”
“It was like a couple years ago,” Chenle sighs, he really doesn’t want to bring this up. The both of them promised to never tell anyone else. But he feels that Jisung would understand. “I don’t know why we did it, it just happened.”
“And how was it?”
“It was fine I guess, it happened so fast. Then it was awkward after.”
Jaemin hums again. “So it was the best one technically?”
The blood rushes to Chenles face again, he’s mortified. No way Jisung is the best kiss he’s ever had. They barely even kissed! There was no tongue or passion yet it’s the only one that wasn’t as awkward as the others. It was Park Jisung!
“Oh my god.” Chenle sits up. “This can’t be my life.”
Before Chenle can spiral further, Jaemin is pushing him back down on the couch. He’s laughing too which should hurt Chenles feelings but he’s too caught up in the dumpster fire in his mind.
“I have an idea,” Jaemin said after he finished laughing. “Hear me out, kiss me.”
“What!?”
Why the fuck would Chenle kiss Jaemin? What would that do for him? He tries to think of any good reason and comes up with nothing.
“Why would that help me?” Chenle asks.
“I said hear me out,” Jaemin stresses. “Think about it, I have experience and you don’t.”
“I’m pretty sure I like girls, Jaemin.”
“Then why did you kiss Jisung?”
Chenle shuts his mouth. Remembering back to a couple of years ago, it was just after a concert and everyone had been filled with adrenaline. Lots of emotions were happening and Chenle doesn’t have a black and white answer.
“I don’t know, it felt right at the time.”
“…right,” Jaemin continued. “Anyways, I think you should kiss me, and think of it as practice! Not real kissing.”
“I don’t know Jaem,” Chenle mumbled out. He can’t imagine kissing Jaemin would do him any good. Especially after kissing Jisung, maybe he should keep it out of dream.
“I’ll give you the confidence, and then you can make out with whoever you want!”
“But what if it’s bad,” Chenle says, which is code for what if he is bad. He puts his hands over his eyes, he feels like he can’t think this way at his age. It’s been too many times he’s been embarrassed in this one conversation.
“It’s okay if it is! I’ll teach you, that’s the whole point.”
Chenle opens his eyes, Jaemin is basically hovering over him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, so you’ll let me kiss you?”
“Okay,” Chenle says, much weaker this time. He feels so vulnerable.
Before he knows it Jaemin is leaning down, invading his space. He can feel his warmth radiating off of him in breaths. Chenle is so nervous, he hopes it’s not all a joke. He can see Jaemin leaning back, laughing, saying haha just kidding. But he knows Jaemin wouldn’t do that, not after all they talked about.
He closes his eyes tight in anticipation and then he feels it. Jaemin placed a chaste kiss right on his lips. He opens his eyes and furrows his brows.
“You have to kiss me back,” Jaemin says, with a small smile on his face.
“Oh yeah.”
Jaemin leans in to kiss him again and this time it was much longer. Chenle tries to keep up but then realizes he has no idea what he’s doing. With a firm hand on Jaemin's forehead he pushes him back an inch.
“Wait, I don't know what I’m doing.”
“Just follow my lead, okay?”
Jaemin leans down for a third time kissing him softly. Jaemin's lips were smooth and always glossy. By the amount of product he used on them they better be. As he’s kissing, Chenle thinks he gets the rhythm. He hesitantly moves his own lips to match Jaemins. It’s a bit awkward and clunky, but soon enough his top lip latched over his into a proper kiss.
Jaemin tilts his head sideways just slightly to deepen the kiss. His hand comes down to caress Chenles face, ending up on his lower jaw. It’s nothing like Chenle has ever experienced before. Obviously! Just when Chenle was starting to feel good about it, Jaemin pulled away.
“That wasn’t too bad,” he said, leaning back into sitting on the couch.
Chenle was still laying there, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. That wasn’t too bad, what does that mean? Was that all? That couldn’t be it!
“That’s it?” Chenle questioned him.
Jaemin chuckles right in his face. “I don't want to overwhelm you baby.”
Chenle chokes on his own breath and his heart may have skipped a beat.
“Okay,” he replied shakily.
Then like nothing happened, they continued to watch their shitty drama.
—
The next time Jaemin wanted to kiss him, it caught Chenle off guard. It was the same week as the first kiss. Technically it was about three kisses that day but he wasn’t doing good till the third! He was flustered at first but then frustrated that Jaemin didn’t teach him more that day.
They were all supposed to be on a break, but Chenle was feeling restless all holed up in his apartment. He was out walking his dog around his apartment building, trying to enjoy the sunny day. Jisung was out on vacation, Renjun was shopping, Donghyuck went back to his hometown, and he knows that Jeno has been nonstop playing video games.
He feels a buzz in his pocket, but before he could look a familiar voice interrupts him.
“Chenle?”
He turns around and Mark is there with an iced coffee, looking tired.
“Oh, hey,” Chenle says back to him.
Another thing that has been eating at Chenle, he hasn’t spoken to Mark in weeks. Somewhere between the time that Mark dropped the news to the group and when Mark made his first announcement post on Instagram, Chenle has slowly been ignoring him. It started out small, like the others with just not knowing what to say.
Obviously Mark's decision made an impact, and they had all talked through it and agreed with him. But something in Chenle just broke and shattered to pieces inside him.
He’s not sure if he’s ready to speak to him.
“How are you?” Mark asked.
“I’m doing good, you?”
“Oh you know,” he replied.
Before Chenle could say anything else he felt a buzz in his pocket again. He pulled his phone out, and there were two notifications from Jaemin.
-
Jaemin
are you free?
come over?
-
His cheeks reddened at the implication, even though there wasn’t really one. Jaemin could be innocently asking him to hang out, but Chenle hopes he isn’t.
“Ummm I gotta go,” he says to Mark and instantly feels bad. He can tell Mark wanted to talk to him, but he’s not ready.
And making out with Jaemin is a great excuse to avoid his problems. He’s fixing a different problem.
“Okay?” Mark replied, but Chenle was already turning around to drop his dog off back to his apartment and then going into the parking garage.
The drive to Jaemins was short. Chenle remembers when it was even shorter, when they all dormed together. It was hectic, but looking back on it makes him smile. Sometimes, he can’t believe what they all went through. He remembered when they had a curfew, and had to go home to get their much needed rest. But they were young teenagers, they stayed up all night anyways.
As he got to Jaemin's apartment parking lot, he took a deep breath in. He can do this, he’s done it before. It’s just Jaemin.
Jaemin's apartment is clean and very neat for a man in his twenties. Chenle was and has always been a little jealous of how put together Jaemin seems. He has three cats, matching furniture, pictures that he took on the walls, and a dish free sink.
He has a dishwasher, but Chenle knows he washes all dishes by hand anyways.
Jaemin already has the tv on, two glasses of water and a bowl of popcorn is already on the coffee table.
“I have different drinks, if you want something else,” Jaemin says as he’s leading him to the couch.
“No water is fine, thanks.”
Chenle doesn’t know why he’s so tense. He’s been to Jaemins countless times, he’s even slept over before on the couch.
They both sit on the couch and Jaemin starts a different drama this time. Chenle has never seen it but he’s heard of it. He can’t pay attention, however, because he’s overthinking when Jaemin is going to kiss him.
He hasn’t taken a drink of his water or taken from the popcorn bowl. He feels rigid against the couch like he’s a statue screwed onto a park bench.
After ten minutes of the show going on Jaemin finally speaks up.
“Are you breathing?”
“I don’t know.”
“You need to calm down, we’ve kissed before.”
“I know! I don’t know why I’m freaking out.”
“Come here,” Jaemin says, angling his body towards Chenle. One leg on the couch, and the other on the ground.
Chenle scoots over to him only to yelp when Jaemin pulls him the rest of the way.
“Just think about me, don’t worry about whatever it is you’re worrying about,” he said, chenle wasn’t quite on his lap, but he was about halfway on. “Focus on me.”
And that’s what’s funny is that Chenle has been doing nothing but thinking about Jaemin. About what he’s doing, if he’s kissing anyone else, if he even enjoys kissing Chenle. Does Jaemin want to kiss Chenle? He knows he offered himself, but he doesn't want him to feel obligated like he has to kiss him.
“Stop thinking,” Jaemin said, closing the bridge between them.
It’s only been days since they last kissed, and Chenle has been thinking of it ever since. Now, the kiss brings him right back to that first time. He hesitates, but then remembers what to do and kisses back.
This time they are both sitting up. Chenle isn’t trapped against the couch. Yet Jaemin is a force that’s pulling him in. With a shaky hand, Chenle lightly grazes Jaemin's arm. Jaemin has always had nice arms, a nice build. He works out and it shows.
Chenle has obviously felt him up before, Jeno too, but that was all on camera.
Jaemin pulls back, he looks a little breathless. “Good?”
Chenle nods and waits for Jaemin to lean back in. He’s looking at his lips, their reddened and glossy like always. He’s using a cherry flavored lip balm this time.
Jaemin smiles and leans in again, this time with his hand on Chenles back. He pushes him toward himself and now Chenle feels clumsy half on his lap. Jaemin pulls back, as if to ask if Chenle is ready. What for? Chenle doesn’t know until Jaemin is leaning back pulling Chenle with him. Now Chenle is on top this time.
“Uhm,” Chenle worries.
“Don’t overthink it.”
Chenle has been overthinking everything his whole life. Jaemin pulls him in anyways and they kiss again. It’s different, this time compared to the last time. Last time Chenle could tell that Jaemin was holding back. This time is deeper with way more… touching, god Chenle sounds lame. When Jaemin was on top, he was holding himself up the whole time, not allowing his body to make contact with him.
Should Chenle be doing that too?
His body feels awkward as he’s kissing Jaemin. He tries to not overthink it. Trying to be in the moment. He lifts his hips and continues kissing him. Jaemin however doesn’t like that and he pulls his hips back down onto his, letting out a short grunt.
Chenle gasps in response, they are basically touching dicks! Dick to ass, which is completely gay by the way. They are both in jeans and the stiff material isn't really helping and not to mention Chenle is wearing socks, so it’s not that gay maybe . Jaemin uses this opportunity to stick his tongue in his mouth and Chenle freezes.
“You put your tongue in my mouth,” Chenle says, while he sits up.
“Uh yeah?” He replied. Jaemin looks interesting like this. Under Chenle and his cheeks are reddened and his lips are swollen. He wonders if he looks the same as disheveled as him. “Are you uncomfortable?”
Chenle mentally steps back from himself. He and Jaemin are making out on Jaemin's couch. He is on top of Jaemin, basically sitting on his dick, oh and Jaemin is french kissing him. He can feel his lips tingling.
“Umm, no?”
Jaemin grins knowingly. “Okay, let’s just cuddle and watch this drama yeah?”
Chenle easily agrees and Jaemin pulls him back down so he can lay his head on his chest. His nice and big muscly chest, Chenle nuzzles just a bit only to get more comfortable.
—
That’s how the next few weeks go.
Jaemin texts Chenle, asks him to come over or asks to go over to his house. They talk, they watch anything on tv and then always eventually end up making out. Most of the time Jaemin is the one that initiates it, but a couple of times Chenle does. The first time he did it caught Jaemin off guard. He had just walked through Chenles door and he had pulled him in and kissed him right there.
Chenle feels way more confident than he did, but something inside him is causing him to freak the fuck out. Something about how Jaemin looks at him, when he thinks Chenle doesn’t know. About how they talk and kiss at the same time.
Sometimes they slow down, and end up cuddling for the rest of the night. One night Chenle fell asleep on Jaemin's couch, only to be woken up the next morning in Jaemin's bed. Jaemin was so soft when he woke him up. They didn’t have a schedule that day, so Jaemin made breakfast and they lazed on the couch afterwards with cups of coffee.
It’s almost exactly what he wanted out of a person.
By now, Jaemin doesn’t really teach him anymore. They just kiss and make out like they have all the time in the world.
But it’s just practice kissing, Chenle says to himself. Or at least that’s what Jaemin said.
Still something isn’t quite right so Chenle needs to do something about it. Once Chenle gets an idea in his head, he needs to do it. Now is the perfect time to do this little experiment. Jeno and Jisung decided to have a little get together, a game night. They had invited everyone and only Renjun and Chenle could make it.
Jaemin was caught up in a project he had been wanting to do. Chenle was there when he was planning his photoshoot. As much as he told Jaemin that he could relax on this project since they are all on break, he wouldn’t. He was in the creative mindset, it needed to be finished tonight.
Chenle arrived first, which is great for his plan. He catches Jisung in the hallway to their living room, it’s not a private space but it will do.
“Hey, I need a favor,” he says.
Jisung looks at him skeptically like he usually does. “What is it?”
“Will you kiss me?”
Jisung's face morphs into one of shock and then disgust. “Again, bro why?”
“Just do it, oh my god.”
Reluctantly Jisung agrees but not before asking if he had brushed his teeth. He leans in and then has to lean down, damn his height, they meet in the middle with a chaste kiss.
Chenle felt nothing at all. It reminded him of their first kiss they had, no passion and no feelings. Huh. Also, he really didn’t like it.
Chenle then turns to Jeno, who’s sitting on the couch and definitely saw that entire scene. His drink is halfway to his mouth and his eyebrow is raised.
“Your turn, Jeno.”
“Okay?” He replies, he sits his drink down. Jeno was way more agreeable to this than Chenle thought he would be. (Interesting)
Chenle strides forward to the couch and sits down shoulder to shoulder with Jeno. He takes a look at his face, the mole by his eye and his nice nose. This shouldn’t be too hard.
He leans in and this kiss is longer than Jisung's and has way more tongue. Jeno is a good kisser, Chenle finds out, he’s not too timid but he’s not too crazy. He has nice lips and knows how to use them. He likes this better than Jisung's kiss, so ha!
But still it feels nothing like it does when Chenle kisses Jaemin.
Before he can think about that too hard, he pulls away from Jeno and is surprised to see Mark standing at the entrance of the kitchen, with a board game in his hand.
“Oh, hi Mark,” Chenle coughs awkwardly. “How long have you been here?”
Chenle doesn’t remember him being free to come, maybe he changed his mind last minute.
“Long enough?” He hesitates, and looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “I don’t want to kiss you.”
He doesn’t want to kiss Mark either. Not because he’s just his friend but he knows that it wouldn’t be half as good as it is with Jaemin. He got his two pieces of data, now all he needs is his dependent variable. He needs to kiss Jaemin now, to really make this experiment work, Chenle knows that there’s something more there. He waves Mark off, to tell him not to worry.
“I’d like to talk to you though.”
Chenle sighs, of course he does. Maybe Jeno and Jisung didn’t tell him he was coming for a reason. They all know Chenle has been avoiding him.
“Okay,” he replies, getting off the couch to follow Mark into the kitchen. Chenle knows it's about time for him to own up to his mistakes, and tell Mark what he really feels.
Before Mark can even say anything Chenle apologizes.
“I’m sorry for avoiding you.”
Mark nods, he looks a little relieved at the confession. Chenle needs to get over himself (and then under Jaemin), he needs to remember that what Mark and him share is a bond no one could break.
So yeah, things aren’t over, but they will be different.
“It was selfish of me,” Chenle continues. “I just didn’t know how to process everything.”
“No, I'm sorry,” Mark said. “I should’ve-“
“No,” Chenle interrupted. “You don’t need to apologize for this, it’s okay.”
He looks to mark and they converse with their eyes. The memories they have won’t go away, their friendship won’t change, and things will be fine.
Mark lets out a big sigh, the weight that was permanently on his shoulders for around ten years seems lighter. Chenle sighs too, he understands it well enough.
“Okay good, I thought you were mad at me, and I couldn’t take it if you were and,”
“I know,” Chenle says. He weirdly feels a little older in this moment, older than Mark. “It’s okay, come here.”
Chenle pulls Mark into a hug that could have happened weeks ago. Maybe Mark needed it then, but Chenle brushes that thought away. Whatever happens will happen, as long as they are happy things will go on.
“What was that in the living room?” Mark asks into his shoulder.
“It’s complicated,” Chenle replies. “I’ve been kissing Jaemin for practice.”
Mark pulls back from the hug. “And you’re okay?”
“I think so?”
Since he’s spent so much time with Jaemin, kissing him, he feels different. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s discovered something about himself he didn’t understand or if it was just Jaemin himself. He’s beginning to feel like it’s the latter.
Mark breaks the moment by chuckling. “I guess we all cope in different ways.”
That startles a laugh out of him, it’s so silly. Just now Chenle is coming to realize things he should have had years ago, but he wouldn’t change a thing. Life has been crazy and Chenle is pretty sure that he feels something for Jaemin. It’s not love yet however Chenle can easily see it turning to that. He just wonders if Jaemin feels the same way.
“Let’s go play some board games, okay?”
—
That same night Chenle was restless until the games were over. All he could think about was Jaemin. Was he done? Was he home? Chenle needed to know soon or else he would internally combust.
He’s never been this way with someone, he never thought he would be. He liked how his life was before yet this is exciting. It feels like when he first ever sat on the court for the warriors game. Obviously what he feels for basketball and what he feels for Jaemin come from different places, but the thrill is the same.
It could also be nerves.
But whatever, he leaves Jeno and Jisung's place with pep in his step. He’s going to Jaemins, if he’s not there he’s going in anyways. Jaemin never should have given him the code for his apartment.
He gets there in no time. He’s driven to Jaemin's apartment so much that it’s routine, he could’ve run all the red lights and wouldn’t have a clue.
Jaemin lived in a high rise apartment, he would’ve taken the stairs but it’s been a while since he’s done cardio. After the too long elevator ride, he finally makes it to Jaemin's door. He debates knocking and in the end decides to just punch in the code and go in.
Jaemin isn’t in the living room, he’s not in the kitchen either. Instead he’s in his room, it’s dark and it looks like he’s editing photos on his computer. Chenle walks through making no sound.
“Boo!” He yells, grabbing Jaemin's shoulders.
Jaemin lets out a scream and Chenle falls to the floor laughing.
“You scared the shit outta me,” Jaemin says. He gets up from his desk chair and hauls Chenle up to his bed.
“How was game night,” he asks as he gets comfortable on him. “Did you win?”
I kissed Jeno and Jisung and all I could think about was you.
“I had fun,” Chenle said. “I don’t think I won anything.”
Not yet at least.
“What are you doing here?”
Chenle can’t really see Jaemin's face. He’s squished in between his shoulder and neck, breathing him all in.
“I needed to see you.”
“Oh,” Jaemin says, leaning on his forearm, trapping Chenle against the bed. He’s grinning from ear to ear. “Is that so?”
Before he could do anything else Chenle stops him.
“Actually I need to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Jaemin says, looking into Chenles eyes.
“I kissed Jisung.”
“I know that silly.”
Chenle rolls his eyes. “No, I kissed him again.”
“Oh.”
“Yea and then I kissed Jeno,” he said.
Jaemin instantly sits up from Chenle. “What? Why?”
“For practice.”
“Why would you kiss them? You know I’m here for that right?”
Chenle has never seen Jaemin angry, and he wouldn’t describe this as angry, but whatever it is, it's amusing. Jaemin crosses his arms and pouts at him. (Grown ass man) Chenle is just going to push it a little farther.
“I think I’m done practicing.”
“Oh,” Jaemin says. “Oh wow.”
Okay, it's been long enough. Chenle sits up and Jaemin has already started to look away from him. As much as he loves to see Jaemin pout, he also really wants to kiss him. Like for real.
“Jaemin, come on,” he says, with his hand now on his shoulder nudging him to face him.
“I thought what we had was good.” He finally turns to him and Chenle has to stop himself from laughing. “Dont you feel what's between us?”
“It was good,” Chenle smiles and internally jumps for joy. “Now I want to kiss you for real.”
“Oh!”
Chenle cackles as Jaemin throws himself at him. He puts him in a real tight hug, and he's rubbing his face into his neck.
“I said kiss me, not act like a cat,” Chenle giggles.
Jaemin shoots up and finally kisses him. It's passionate right at the beginning. There's no need for awkwardness. Chenle no longer feels like he's screwing it all up. He can kiss jaemin in the moment and enjoy it to the fullest.
Jaemin traps him under him, it seems like something he likes to do. He kisses him deeply, slotting their lips together. “There is so much I want to do with you.”
“Like what?” Chenle responds through kisses.
Jaemin doesn’t answer him, instead he moves his kisses down his jaw. Chenle cranes his neck to give him more access. They haven't done anything more than kissing but Chenle feels like he's ready. At least for a small baby step.
As Jaemin is kissing down his neck, he moves quickly changing their position. By the look on Jaemin's face, it definitely surprised him. He's not complaining.
Chenle leans down and meets him in a sloppy kiss. It's all tongue and Chenle loves it. He takes his position to an advantage and grinds down onto Jaemin's lap.
Jaemin is touching him everywhere, Chenle is going crazy. He can feel him through his grey sweatpants. Luckily Chenle chose to wear something similar. He moans out as he arches his back on top of him.
“Am I doing okay?” Chenle pants.
“Yes you're doing good baby,” Jaemin repeats and Chenle moans at the pet name. “I knew youd be good for me, fuck.”
He grinds his hips in circles on Jaemin's lap, he's so hard. Everything around him is consuming him. Jaemin groping him and feeling up and down his sides. He's moving his hips in rhythm with Chenles. He leans down and slots their dicks together through their sweatpants, they both moan out.
“Wait, I might be close,” Chenle says. In any other situation, he'd be embarrassed coming so fast with their clothes still on, but he knows Jaemin wants this. He knows Jaemin wants him back.
“That's okay, baby,” Jaemin replies, but he gets a look on his face as he's watching Chenle grind on him.
Before he knew it, Jaemin switched their positions again, now Chenle is laying flat on his back on Jaemin's bed. On top of him Jaemin instantly gets between his legs, slotting their dicks together once again. Jaemin thrusts into him, like if they were having real sex. But no, Chenle is getting warm in his sweats and Jaemin is grinding on him into the mattress.
“Jaemin!”
‘Come for me," he says.
His arms are around Chenles head. Everything around him is Jaemin. With one final thrust, Chenle finishes in his pants with a moan. He latches his arms and legs around Jaemin tighter through the release. Chenle should be past coming in his pants, but right now it's all he's wanted with Jaemin.
After a few more thrusts, Jaemin comes too. They both lie there, breathing heavy. If he got this worked up over some grinding, he wonders what sex will be like. His ears flush and he feels his dick twitch in his pants. Chenle knows there is so much they can do, and so much more they have to say to each other. But he can hold onto this moment for now.
“Fuck,” Chenle pants out, taking one last big deep breath in. His breathing slows and so does his heart rate. It matches Jaemin.
“I know,” Jaemin says. He rolls over off of Chenle, but they lie together anyways. Staring into each other's eyes. Jaemin pulls him into a sweet kiss. Much more innocent than what they just did.
“Don’t kiss anyone else ever again.”