Chapter Text
Bella Swan was having a nightmare.
“Jake?” she whispered softly into the forest, shuddering as a cold breeze blew through the trees. Panic climbed her throat as she whipped around with still no sight of him. “JAKE?!”
She couldn’t find him.
She roamed through the woods, passing tree after tree after tree, to no avail. Time seemed to stretch on forever. The most torturous part of it all was that just when she would finally decide to give up, she’d see a glimpse of black hair and a tawny brown shoulder disappear around the edge of a tree.
The earth was set in a perpetual state of dusk as she followed.
If she knew anything at all, it was that she was lost.
When she awoke with a start, she couldn’t even bring herself to be surprised at the dream. She’d been having it consistently for the last three weeks.
Beside her, Edward was quietly pensive. He held his tongue a lot as of late, particularly when she was like this—fitful and uneasy and, probably, saying Jake’s name in her sleep.
Jake had been avoiding her, that was all. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal—friends got mad at friends all the time—if he weren’t also a werewolf, and if he didn’t have decidedly non-platonic feelings about her. As it were, she had no living idea if he was even okay.
All she could think about was that jaded look in his eyes the first time she’d seen him after his first little disappearing act—his transformation, as she now knew it to be.
Now, in addition to that look, she had the burden of the way his expression had collapsed when Bella told him that she wasn’t just going to ditch Edward because Jacob held some sort of supernatural grudge. She’d thought—hoped, really—that as her friend, he’d understand. That he’d stick by her, honor her decision.
She guessed she’d been a little naive.
She also guessed that it wasn’t fair to call Jacob just her friend. Even though that was the most simple place to slot him, with these most recent events.
Anyway, if their final confrontation in the woods was anything to go by, then he most probably wasn’t okay, and all she had to show for the connection they’d sowed over the last several months was a hastily written, angry letter with half of the words scratched out.
She couldn’t exactly blame him. He’d made it pretty clear how he felt about her choosing to go back to Edward, especially after everything he’d witnessed. Mainly, her soul rotting like an apple in the sun because of Edward’s absence.
But now that Edward was back, it was like everything was magically fixed. Like the hole in her soul had been paved over. Wasn’t that what really mattered?
How was she supposed to ignore the all-consuming gravity that Edward brought with him? Or the fact that he was the first person to ever show her that she was someone worth loving? What about the connections she had with his family, who had all returned with him? How could Jacob expect Bella to just turn her back on all of that because he wanted her to?
It was like none of them had ever left.
Well, sort of.
The Jacob sized hole in her chest was definitely new. It stuck with her always. Sometimes she had moments when she was with Edward or his family where she’d briefly forget about it all. Jacob always managed to sneak back in, though.
Because how was she also supposed to ignore all of the snapshot memories of Jacob she’d gathered in her head over the last few months? Him shining in a glow that only seemed to touch him in this dreary town. Warming everything in a six foot radius of him.
Jacob, hunched over, fixing the Rabbit, and then the bikes.
Day by day, worming his way more into her heart. Fixing something in her that had felt eternally broken in Edward’s wake.
She just couldn’t forget it, no matter how hard she tried. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to. After everything she went through, shouldn’t she at least get to keep it all, something safe and secret and hers?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Edward asked in the dark, almost silently, his lips touching around the syllables. It was moments like these that he seemed to forget the limitations of her human ears, which was rare for him. It was like his mind was somewhere else, too distracted to remember.
“No,” Bella whispered.
He went quiet for a moment.
“Was it the same dream?” he asked.
Of course she’d told him about the dream. She had a really hard time keeping secrets from Edward, even if he couldn’t actually read her mind like he could everyone else’s. Her consistent honesty was a mercy she granted him because of it, maybe, knowing how much it frustrated him sometimes that he couldn’t.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
A normal boyfriend, when faced with his girlfriend’s worries about her best friend not speaking to her, might have offered some sort of consolation. Maybe some flowery words of comfort or platitudes about how Jacob would come around, even if it was just a lie. Though, Edward wasn’t a normal boyfriend because he was a vampire, and Jacob wasn’t just her best friend, he was a werewolf, and the universe had a personal vendetta against Isabella Swan, so of course these two supernatural beings were fated to be natural enemies.
Sometimes she thought about her life and just wanted to laugh and laugh and then cry and never stop.
“Try to get some sleep,” Edward said softly, tucking her under his chin.
There were several layers of clothes between them so that she couldn’t feel the chill coming off of his skin as she rested her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her. One day, when they were the same temperature, they wouldn’t have to go through these precautions at all. She could be with Edward without the barriers and everything would be better. Perfect.
“I’ll try,” she whispered.
Neither of them said anything when she inevitably failed.
______
One night, she dreamt of being warm. The threads of the dream were wispy and elusive, slipping away from her like silk until she woke up. She blinked into the darkness of her room and rolled over, finding herself in bed alone.
She sighed and ran her hand over her face and then into her hair.
She’d gotten used to getting good enough sleep again, when Edward was within reach and any memories of his departure were put at bay by his touch, the bronze wisps of his hair in the dark, and the awareness that he was watching over her as she slept.
The nights she woke up alone were a new shade of awful. It felt reminiscent of those long, sleepless months where she’d awake with night terrors, all of the most haunting memories from the past year playing like a film reel in her head in Edward’s absence, and consequently, in the absence of his protection. She would dream of Jame’s attack, breaking mirrors, the agility with which he, Victoria, and Laurent moved in the clearing, like they were more predator than human. All of that unleashed alongside Edward’s abandonment had made her feel like she’d never get a good night’s sleep again.
The closest she’d gotten to a peaceful slumber during those months was when she was moments from nodding off in the passenger seat of her own truck, Jacob behind the wheel because she was too tired to drive.
This only happened once, that turbulent night that Jacob saved her from drowning, when they hadn’t yet been divided by Alice’s return.
It was only in hindsight that Bella realized how fleeting her moments with Jacob were, only a few short months spent in the rays of his warmth. Sometimes, when she was alone in bed like now, she wondered how different things would have been if they’d reunited sooner. If she hadn’t just been seeking him out to keep the darkness of Edward’s shadow from encroaching, but to hang out. Two normal teenagers, nothing to lose.
Of course, there was no hope for that now.
Bella rolled over in bed and shoved her head into her pillow, knowing she had to get up soon otherwise she might be presumed dead by Charlie or miss Edward’s arrival to pick her up for school.
For just a few moments though, she allowed herself to sulk.
“Hey, dad,” Bella said noncommittally, throwing her backpack down on the floor beside the kitchen table on her way to the refrigerator.
“Morning, sunshine,” Charlie responded ironically from his place at the table. “You’re chipper this morning.”
“You know me,” Bella responded idly, staring at the contents of the fridge. Finally, when nothing spoke to her, she grabbed a portable yogurt and pushed it shut.
Charlie observed all of this over the rim of his coffee, eyebrows raised.
Bella paused in the middle of the kitchen, sheepish and probably looking worse for wear in her hoodie and jeans, with hastily combed hair.
“Sleep in today?” Charlie asked. “Sorry, I would’ve come and woken you up if I’d known you were still in bed.”
“Yeah, no, it’s cool,” Bella said, running a hand through her hair. “I’m up.”
Charlie just quirked a brow at her again.
“What?” she asked.
Charlie opened his mouth to respond, but was cut short by the very subtle, smooth sound of Edward’s Volvo pulling into their driveway.
“Well, I guess that’s your cue,” Charlie said.
Bella gave him a half-smile and grabbed her backpack, then went around to give him a hug goodbye.
“Oh, here,” Charlie said when Bella went to turn around, holding out the cup of yogurt she’d left on the table. “You could probably use this. You’re looking…” Charlie paused awkwardly. “Paler than usual.”
“That’s really nice, dad. Thank you. You really know how to make a teenage girl feel good about herself.”
Bella took the yogurt from him and made for the door.
“Bye! Love you!” Charlie called after her, to which she responded in kind.
On her way down the front steps, she shoved the yogurt into her backpack with no intention of eating it.
She crunched her way through the gravel towards Edward’s car, where Edward was leaning against the hood in wait for her, looking pristine and perfect as ever, even in his similar outfit of a long sleeve button down over a white t-shirt. He smiled at her, small but speaking volumes, as she approached.
“Hi,” she greeted him, stopping close by, so she had to look up at him.
“Hi,” he said, placing a kiss on her forehead like she knew he would.
Things were easy between them, slipping right back into the rhythm they’d had before—
Before.
Like he’d never even left.
“Come on, the revelries of high school await,” Edward said, using that everpresent subtle sarcasm.
Bella snorted weakly and allowed him to open the passenger side door for her, as always, and got inside.
Once they were both seated, seatbelts on (Edward’s a mere performance), Bella asked, “What did you do last night?”
Edward put the car in gear and backed out of her driveway. “Just spent some quality time with my family.”
“Did you guys hunt? I thought you went last weekend.”
“Yeah, no. We stayed inside mostly.”
Bella hummed noncommittally, letting it go. He didn’t have to spend every night in her bedroom after all. Even though most of the time he did. It was unreasonable and needy for Bella to expect it. She was very conscious of not being too needy now, knowing where it got her last time. Edward ensured her persistently and with vigor that she could ask him for anything, with that furrow between his eyebrows that she now knew to be a sign of his own self-loathing. But she couldn’t help it. With time, she would feel better about it, less like a leech clinging onto him, keeping him exactly where she could see him at all times to ward off her fears that he didn’t want or need her. That he could leave again.
She knew he was doing everything he could to make her believe otherwise.
She just needed time. That was all.
They pulled up to the school in a comfortable silence and Bella prepared herself for another mind-numbing day between the four walls of Forks High School, when Edward suddenly tensed up.
“What?” she asked.
He parked the car and sat in silence for a moment. Finally, when he turned to her, he said, “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?”
Then, without giving her time to respond, he got out and shut the door behind him.
Bella blinked at his absence. She stayed put for all of three seconds before her body propelled her to follow.
She could see Edward visibly sigh and mutter something under his breath as she joined him, but her curiosity superseded it all.
And then, she saw him.
“Jacob,” she said compulsively under her breath, just as he turned around and looked their way. He was dressed in an outfit she’d seen him in before, a plain black t-shirt and a snug pair of Levy’s, looking edgy and moody and unapproachable.
Bella frowned.
The girls walking by him on the way to class gave him meaningful onceovers as they passed, only to turn to each other and giggle to themselves. If Bella weren’t mistaken, she swore she saw Jake’s mouth quirk upwards briefly before it settled back into a scowl.
Bella frowned harder.
Nothing for it, she and Edward made their way toward him. Edward stopped at a safe distance away, but Bella moved more firmly into the space between them, eyeing Jacob up.
“Hey,” she said, biting back all of the things she wanted to say. This didn’t really seem like the time. Mainly because Jake had rolled up to her school looking like pure trouble incarnate, clearly wanting something.
“Charlie said you left town,” Jake said in lieu of a greeting, brows furrowed darkly.
Before she could say anything, Edward said wryly, “He’s checking to see if you’re still human.”
Jake steered a glare at him that was more formidable than Bella knew he was capable of.
“I’m here to remind you of the treaty,” Jake told him, barely giving Bella the time of day, though she was standing right in front of him.
Edward said something in return that Bella barely caught, too busy frowning at Jake to pay it much mind.
“Then you and your fellow leeches would be wise to stay off our land,” Jacob responded.
“Wait,” Bella said, blinking back into awareness. “What?”
She turned to look up at Edward. He glanced at her unreadably, jaw hardened.
“You didn’t tell her?” Jake asked, pulling Bella’s attention back to him. There was something undeniably smug in the way he said it, like Edward had proven him right about something. She didn’t like it.
“Tell me what?” Bella asked Edward.
“We caught the red-haired leech roaming around on the Res last night,” Jacob explained, sending Bella’s head spinning. “Edward and the rest of the Cullens decided to crash the party. The big one almost got his head taken off by Paul when he leapt across the Res boundary line trying to grab for her.”
She looked up at Edward, who looked nothing short of guilty.
Because he’d lied to her when she asked. Not only that but—
“Victoria’s back?” Bella said.
“She’s been back,” Jake provided.
“Jacob,” Edward said, radiating tension. “Leave it alone.”
The two proceeded to square off, right there in the parking lot.
“Did you also lie to get her out of town?” Jake asked, jaw hardening, dark brows pulling heavily over his eyes. In his new getup, with a shiny motorcycle glinting behind him, it made for a very distinct picture. This Jake was so far from the one she used to know and aligned far more with a guy that kept dodging her phone calls.
“You should leave. Now,” Edward said threateningly.
“She deserves to know. After all, it’s her the red-head wants,” Jake hissed.
Bella stared at Edward, stricken. “Is that true?”
“Yes. Bella—I was trying to protect you,” Edward said, taking a half step toward her.
“By lying?” Bella asked, feeling a little betrayed.
Had her life been in danger this entire time? If so, then Edward did lure her sneakily out of town for the exact reasons Jake just accused him of, didn’t he? Those few days of feeling the sun on her face and spending time with her mom were really a, what, temporary bandaid on a much bigger problem?
Jake turned away then, seemingly deciding that his work was done, which was just a whole other level of infuriating.
“Hey, woah, wait,” Bella said, taking a step after him. When Jake turned back to look at her, expression unreadable, she faltered. “Why haven’t you returned any of my calls?”
Jake stared at her like she must’ve been joking. “I had nothing to say.”
Frustration flared inside of her. “Well, I have plenty,” Bella said, going after him as he tried to walk away again.
A cold hand caught her wrist before she could get too far. “Bella,” Edward said. “Please.”
Bella frowned at him, feeling torn not for the first time when it came to the two of them. Jacob was walking away though, and this was her first chance to talk to him in what felt like forever. Maybe the last, if Jacob had any say in the matter.
With a glance over her shoulder, she saw that he was in fact straddling his bike, preparing to take off.
“Edward, I’m sorry. You have to trust me, okay?” Bella said, backing away from him in Jacob’s direction.
In her peripheral vision, she could see that Jake had paused in his movements.
Edward’s face crumpled in worry. “Bella, it’s him I don’t trust.”
“I’ll be okay,” she assured him, turning and making haste to Jake’s side. “Hey,” she said to him, relieved to see that he was already watching her. “Going somewhere?”
“Back to the Res,” Jake said, raising an eyebrow and then sending a pointed glance over her shoulder at where Edward still hovered. “What about you?”
“Got room for one more?” Bella asked.
Now that she was in Jake’s presence, all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be. For him to look at her and smile like he used to, which always made her feel like everything might just be okay.
Jake’s mouth bent into a slight smirk, not quite the grin she’d been gunning for, but a start. “Hop on,” he said, nodding his head behind him. “And put this on,” he said, handing her his helmet.
Bella, feeling like she wouldn’t get a chance like this again, did just that.
As they left the school parking lot and Edward in their dust, she did spare a moment to wonder if she’d just tipped the scales of their world entirely off-balance.