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It was a dark, rainy day. ReGect hated, no loathed the rain. He hated that way it drenched your skin, fur, whatever something had. it felt like teeny tiny bullets that over time got so annoying that it was just unbearable.
Today was like any other cloudy day, just.. quieter. so quiet.
Quietness was quite unusual for ReGect, he was used to always bickering with Ze, or chatting with Moe. and singing some tune that was quite well over 20 years old.
As of present, ReGect was sitting on the couch. they were in some "vacation" house for a few weeks because Moe thought it'd be a grand idea to be next to the beach. though, he really didn't think it was because with all this rain they couldn't even enjoy it. typical.
He actually hadn't seen Ze all day.
Raindrops seemingly raced towards the bottom of the outside window sill, watching it got boring and fast. ReGect got up with a sigh, he needed someone to bother.
Moe, where was Moe? he figured he should go check. she always had something fun to do, except for when she asked for makeup help. Ze always helped her anyway. he thought it was just so funny that Ze did.
ReGect had hardly gotten used to the house, it was pretty nice he would admit. finding Moe's room wasn't hard because she put stickers all over her door from last time they came here, and some newer ones too.
He knocked as if he was coming to collect debt, banging really loudly on the door to get her awake if she was sleeping, it was early anyway so this was justified. but she didn't wake, or at least didn't say anything.
Maybe outside? No, she wouldn't go out in the rain.. he thought while silently waiting.
ReGect decided to just waltz in, she wouldn't mind that much.
..Hm.
He looked at the contents of the room. splayed out junk, messy bedding.. no Moe.. What even happened here?
Well, she was probably fine. she did say she was doing some "searching" for a stuffed animal she had lost. Most likely just wore herself out and fell asleep in a storage closet.. he snickered and closed the door.
Moving on, he wandered through the house a bit, seeing some parts he didn't before.
Ze. he could bug Ze!
As soon as that thought sprung into his head, he nearly leaped up the stairs. he could already feel him getting riled up at his antics. poof! no boredom left.
He bursted into his room without second thoughts, Ze jumped and squeaked.
“What the hell man?!” Ze snapped.
ReGect laughed. “You scream like a little girl!” Ze rolled his eyes. “I do not.” instead of continuing, ReGect decided to peer over at what he was doing. he appeared to be just sitting by his window, holy boring. he was doing that earlier too but he could judge all he wanted.
“Anyway, dude, did you need anything or just wanted to bug me?” Ze asked feeling salty. it was kinda embarrassing how he constantly screamed like that.
ReGect didn't have an excuse for this part ready, so he just stood still. Ze stared back at the window, having read him already.
“Come ooooon. do something interesting. I'm waiting.” he nagged.
Ze looked back, but now he came and sat over, his breath all over his neck. somehow it smelled kinda bad, he didn't even have a mouth, how'd he accomplish this?
He was very uncomfortable from this, whenever he inched his head away, ReGect inched his closer. well, he couldn't see his head but he could tell. “Loooser.” ReGect dragged out. Ze only grumbled.
They didn't realize how long this continued on for, just him breathing annoyingly close to Ze. it was really boring.
Honestly, sometimes he didn't mind.
Something he likely wouldn't admit, mostly ever was that he didn't mind these silent moments with his friends. just breathing, not talking at all. close. He didn't really have any contact without Micha when he was waiting in that darned grassy place.
“..Man?” Ze awkwardly said. pushing ReGect away just a little.
ReGect sat away from him, he kept zoning out from boredom. it was very irritating. Ze better do something cool, even if he just shot him, anything would cure this boredom.
On normal days this overwhelming sense of emptiness and nothing to do would be hidden by laughter, anger, and his friends acquaintances. then again, on rainy days it just felt like a horrid reminder of his situation.
This feeling would pass. it would pass like it did every day. it was a cycle. after the rain, the rainbow would come. but he couldn't have more rainbows if there wasn't any rain.
When he was younger, he didn't understand why.
Truly, he never will.
The light could never walk without the dark surrounding it.
Sometimes he thought Ze and Moe were just lights, maybe his own darkness would shroud them one day, and they'd leave like Micha.
Right now, Ze and ReGect were sitting. watching the rain come down outside of their window. it was painfully peaceful. He hated being with Ze, no, he hated that he didn't hate it. his thoughts didn't make sense anymore. they were contradictory.
Ze didn't know what to say.
His mind was also a jumbled place he'd never step foot into. he was sure glad it wasn't a physical place too, or maybe it was, but then he'd choose to live in ignorance of that. the floor would burn his skin, or maybe cut it. the kind of cuts you'd get when you stumbled into a bush as a child. and your mom would hold you in her arms just for a moment.
He could still hear the eyes' sour laughter ringing in his ears when he was in silent places.
Eventually, it got extremely awkward. it was bound to.
The bitter, strange taste in Ze's mouth was maybe one of the few things he couldn't make sense of in such a situation when he could analyze everything, even the silent breaths ReGect made.
He hadn't eaten anything weird, or at least he didn't recall.
Bile began to form in his throat, panicking, he swallowed it down. maybe a little bit too loudly.
What was that? he thought to himself.
ReGect, for once, didn't push. didn't ask him what the hell that was. he didn't have the energy. He didn't know what was up with Ze, but did he even want to know when he couldn't make sense of what was up with him?
Or he did want to know what was wrong with Ze, but who would even talk to him normally?
Both of them were pulled rather aggressively from their thoughts as a flashing light beamed into the room, for half a second, followed up by loud thunder.
And this time, the two of them both jolted. Ze looked over to ReGect. “So- so, are you going to go to your room? or just keep lurking beside me?” Ze just had to ask that. ReGect got up, as if he remembered something urgent, but he forgot what it was. his words fell silent on his tongue that he most certainly didn't have. at this point he was glad Ze wasn't able to see a head stop this rejected body.
“I was just waiting to see if you were gonna do something cool or just lay around LAZILY.” he managed to say, scoldingly. Ze grinded his teeth and inhaled sharply. “Okay, how about you get out of my room?” his voice sounded strained.
ReGect really knew that going somewhere else was the more fun alternative, Moe would probably be up by now. but some part of him begged for some sense of normalcy, and wanted to cling onto Ze, not like a loving dog, but more like a cat scratching its owner even though it initiated contact itself.
He stood in silence. Ze sighed catching on that he wasn't leaving.
Ze just got himself comfortable again, sick of ReGect constantly nagging him. his hands slightly trembled. sometimes he wanted nothing more than to scream and cry at the void, and he couldn't admit that to his friends, not yet.
When he couldn't scream, he felt confined. like a bird having the freedom of its wings torn from its back.
And here he was, plopped down on the floor staring out the window next to ReGect, who was probably about to insult him even harder. But with each passing second was another second of silence, stretching for uncomfortably long periods of time just as it did before.
The thunder became more prominent now, getting louder and louder.
ReGect was practically shaking, and he knew this. he just quietly hoped and prayed that Ze couldn't see.
And Ze did. he did notice, but in his best efforts he didn't put it out. he convinced himself it was just a hallucination forming from his own paranoia.
The late evening becoming nighttime melted into a big blur. he forgot when, but Ze eventually moved into the bed, and ReGect did so as well. the cold floor hurt, he didn't kick ReGect off like he probably would do usually. It just felt so strangely different today. he's been staring outside for almost the entirety of it.
Ze curled into a blanket while ReGect stayed still.
Unfortunately for him, ReGect was freezing. he was just too blinded by his feelings to allow himself to be vulnerable. maybe it was the sin of pride that was lodged deep into his heart, or possibly it was just fear. he'd come to realize he didn't know himself all too well. that was just a scary thing for him at least to have a realization about.
ReGect remained shaking as he began doing earlier. it was out of his control, and even though Ze somewhere along the line was convinced it wasn't a hallucination anymore, he still didn't point it out, though by now he knew part of it was from something and the other part was definitely from this DANG cold.
Hesitantly, Ze opened his mouth.
When his lips parted, all that came out was a questioning sound. not even a word.
His head turned to Ze now, who was staring at his trembling form. so embarrassing. “How about you.. get under the blanket? I know your stupid bum is not warm right now.” he offered, teasing. but Ze didn't ask him if something was wrong, or act all therapist. which he was relieved at.
Obviously, he had to decline. “..I'm not cold, I don't know what you're talking about dude.” rolling his eyes, his head turned back away. The horrible thing is that he would've liked that, and that's precisely why he had to decline. “Seriously? I'm not even joking this time. get under my blanket, it's not like you're gonna get cooties, we're both boys.” that end part was just mocking cliche little kid stories that he was sure didn't even happen in actual life.
Either way, ReGect wouldn't have the childhood pleasure of knowing.
ReGect looked back, his eyes focusing on the blanket and then to Ze, looking very judging as if he had crawled out of a rat hole and disgustingly wanted a hug. some part of him did want it, and that other part was beating the everliving hell out of it.
Ze wasn't amused by their banter, especially this late.
And ReGect was just realizing that, he was tired of keeping this up too, but did he really want this guy to see him vulnerable? even imagining his own self that way was gross. sickeningly sweet to the point he wanted to throw up.
Squinting, he looked into Ze's eyes. seeing something in them. he wished his were visible sometimes just because of the raw emotion that could be seen from them. He knew a foreign feeling resided in them, but he couldn't place exactly what it was. A few bits were likely pleading. pleading for him.
Oh, wow, he didn't even read people that often. he was absolutely CRACKED at it. he thought.
Now wasn't the time for this, he managed to swallow the compliments he was giving himself in his head right now, and the shame to give in to touch from Ze. anyone but Ze would've been better, or maybe he'd rather be with Ze out of everyone right now, but that was beside the point. definitely.
Sighing, ReGect scooted closer to Ze, until their sides were touching. he wanted to hurt somebody and yell right now. Ze nervously wrapped the blanket around him.
And then again, the lack of noise swept in.
Ze was warm. really warm. his touch felt human, and even ReGect was probably sweating a lot right now. if he had a face, it'd be red. red from embarrassment, not anything else. Whenever he had brief moments with Ze, he could feel how grounding his little touches felt. but now wasn't brief. now didn't feel calming.
No, it did feel calming, though it was so calming that he felt panicked.. that he.. his thoughts jumbled and bounced around until he was positively sure his head hurt like nothing he'd felt before and his invisible cheeks were burning up. the shaking resumed.
Then something happened.
Ze got sleepy, and he wouldn't allow himself to drift off next to ReGect, or at least.. not sitting up. 'cause he slowly pulled them down, ReGect about to yell, he didn't. just waited. Ze kept the blanket around them, hiding himself tucking into ReGect. so warm.. his heart was beating fast, and maybe his was too.
“..Mm. goodnight.” he said. it sounded so much like a joke, but so sweet. again that sickeningly sweet.
ReGect fumbled over his words, “I-” he stopped himself, before trying again. “Wh-” soon, he settled on slowing down from frustration.
“Goodnight, my loathed one.” ReGect spoke out slowly. it was embarrassingly soft sounding. softer than he tried. But instead of feeling humiliation, he felt like he was melting of exhaustion and heat. he'd be completely worried about this in the morning. Ze chuckled, hard to hear buried in the visible and non visible parts of his torso.
In the morning, this would probably be over.
But now, in the warm huddled feeling of the night, he was ReGect. and Ze was Ze. It felt so not like him, yet so distantly himself. some part of himself he had missed but never met. this didn't make sense at all, and it wouldn't in the morning. but now it was a thought, a thought that he didn't hate.
At some point, they drifted away in the heated atmosphere.