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Kevin had just scored two free hours. He arrived to his 1 p.m. seminar to find a note taped to the lecture hall doors, presumably by the department admin:
Class canceled 11Feb. – Dr. Reicherts out sick.
Check email for make-up info.
What Kevin really wanted to do with the unexpected gift was to take a nap, but he knew if he did, he wouldn’t wake up, and the rest of the day would be a wash, arriving at night practice groggy and hungry and further behind on homework. If he got some reading done now, he could sleep more this weekend.
Kevin unlocked the dorm suite and shouldered the door open, taking a few steps to drop his bag heavily on the kitchen bar stool so he could make a coffee, needing the caffeine to fight the tempting afternoon nap but still elated about his unexpected free time. He started the tap to fill the coffee pot and then turned it off to make out an unexpected sound. He didn’t understand what he was hearing at first, the pitch too high for either of his roommates’ voices and an unidentifiable, almost wet sound. Then he froze, realizing what he had walked in on. He suddenly felt panicked, and like he had done something wrong, false starting several steps in two directions like a rabbit caught in the middle of the road. He finally managed to grab his backpack and made for door when Neil stepped out of the bedroom. He was shirtless with sweatpants hanging low and his auburn hair messy and a little sweaty.
“Hey, Kevin.” He said calmly. “We thought you had class. I’m sorry.” Kevin was shocked that Neil had left whatever he’d been doing to come talk to him, and again felt the urge to flee like he had committed a crime. He was surprised the Neil was the delegate, as Kevin had a longer history with Kevin, but then again Neil had gone from cagey runaway to quite the confident mouthpiece over the last two years. Although Kevin was distracted by the situation, he felt a twinge of something—envy? Loneliness?—at the easy way Neil said “we,” like he and Andrew had always belonged to each other.
“It’s-it’s okay, I can just leave. My lecture got- I’ll just go to the library.”
“No, Kevin. This is your room. You don’t need to go. You’re allowed to be here when your class gets cancelled.” Kevin started to argue to say that it was no problem, but Neil shocked him with the next question. “But would you be okay with staying out of the bedroom for the next hour?”
Kevin felt like he was in too deep and had missed his chance to book it out of this situation, so he said,
“Yeah, I’m just going to work on some reading and a paper until afternoon practice.” Neil nodded and said,
“Okay, thanks” and went back into the room. Kevin was rattled but set himself up at his desk to read. He felt weird sitting out here, so he thought he would put some headphones in while he read, but after digging around in his backpack and desk remembered that he had been watching an exy game in his bed last night and left them slung around the bunk frame. He nervously pulled out his printed readings and assumed that his roommates would tone it down anyway, knowing he was a wall away. He was hyperaware of the silence for several minutes until he forgot that he was trying not to listen and began reading in earnest.
He was a few paragraphs into his paper on the Troubles when a soft, repeated thud emanated from the bedroom. It was dull, like whatever was hitting the wall was muffled by fabric, but repetitive. Next he heard the moans—Neil of course—that were pitching up and changing from long and languid to staccato squeaks. Kevin froze again. He shouldn’t be hearing this, shouldn’t be here. He felt a sickly confusion; a little grossed out, embarrassed, and a perverse, cautious interest. It wasn’t that he had never been exposed to Andrew and Neil’s physical relationship: their strange, wordless touches and glances and their innate magnetism were more intimate than Matt and Dan’s innuendos or any explicit touching or comments could have been. He often felt slightly like an intruder around them, and it made him both grateful to be free of the Nest’s codependent bonds and homesick for the weight of another wrist chained to his own, even though those relationships had been confusing. Thea had been somewhat forced on him, an age gap and imbalance in Raven seniority complicating the relationship. Jean and Kevin had been a tangled mess, and although their relationship had never turned sexual, Kevin suspected Jean might have liked it to be. He had never gotten to resolve what they were to each other before their dynamic became irrevocably fraught, love and trust and betrayal and regret mingled too deeply to recover from. After he escaped the Nest, he and Andrew had been inseparable for nearly two years, but Andrew now came as a package deal with Neil, and Kevin didn’t know where that left him. He had spent most of his life with the constant body heat of someone else’s shoulder crowding his space, paired in company and in punishment; comfort and torture; sometimes even pleasure. Kevin was learning to stand for himself, but he felt alone.
Neil’s voice continued to rise. Kevin’s face was hot and hands were clenched on top of his printed assignment, eyes staring at the page but unfocused. He thought about slipping out of the room, but for some reason, he felt strange obeying Neil’s offer? Request? For him to stay. He figured it would be over soon anyway, the thuds were now short and quick and Neil’s whines were higher than he thought he could make. Kevin was surprised to hear Andrew’s lower voice rumble something incoherent amid the chaos, and then Neil’s whines devolved into a prolonged moan as the bed thuds became faster and then stopped.
Kevin felt hot all over, still torn between annoyance and intrigue and embarrassingly, a little turned on. He attempted to go back to his reading, although now they only had 45 minutes until afternoon practice and he had read only half a page, but he heard the door open before he could resume. Kevin didn’t look up and pretended to read. He heard the bathroom sink turn on and off, and suddenly, Andrew was in the kitchen in front of him.
“Were you making coffee?” Andrew asked.
“I started t- yeah, I was going to,” Kevin said lamely, unsure of how much he should acknowledge.
“I’m going to need some to get through your fucking Raven drills today,” Andrew said, and filled pot with water and filter with grounds. Kevin studied him from his desk. Andrew looked normal, dressed in pre-practice athletic clothing and his bands, his hair neatly falling over his undercut and across his forehead. But his face had more color than usual, and he looked more….lived in, alive, than Kevin usually saw him. Neil popped out of the bedroom, dressed similarly but hair a mess, which to be fair, was just as likely even without sex.
“Oh thank god,” he said, when he heard the coffee percolating. “I’m barely awake.” Kevin didn’t know if this was meant to be a reference to the previous hour or a simple comment about their insane practice schedules.
“We might not have any games until spring championships,” Kevin finally said, regaining his usually free-flowing speech, “but we still have practice tonight, too. Better drink a few cups of that. And pour me a big one, please.” Neil studied him for a second, apparently deciding that this was Normal Kevin Behavior, and smiled. When Neil poured the coffees, he used the orange custom championship mugs that the ERC had given the team in their winning swag packages, but the names were mixed up, DAY in Andrew’s hands and MINYARD and JOSTEN in Neil and Kevin’s. They were just free coffee mugs, but it felt a little like a truce. Whatever had just happened, they were good.
--
On a quiet Saturday night, after a few rounds of video games, Kevin was reading in his dorm bed while Andrew was lying in his top bunk across the room. Neil was still in the bathroom getting ready, and when he came back and climbed into bed, Kevin turned off his reading light and rolled over. After a few minutes, when he was almost asleep, he heard Neil whisper a question up to Andrew. He didn’t make out the response but heard the creaking of the wooden bunk ladder as Neil climbed up to Andrew’s bed. Kevin’s bed wasn’t lofted, so he couldn’t see much of the upper bunk from below but heard them whispering incoherently for a while. Kevin again felt a pang of jealously at how the two had each other like this. Andrew had been Kevin’s everything for a year, a presumably platonic but equally intense bond, after coming off a lifetime of being attached to Riko. He was proud of his progress to become his own person, but he still wasn’t used to not being someone’s shadow.
Kevin’s thoughts stopped when he heard the quiet but unmistakable sounds of kissing. His body tensed. Those two were constantly all over teach other in front of the team, but only in their weird, indirect ways, if you knew what to look for. There had been the walk-in incident a week ago, but this was new territory. He made a point, after some coaching by Nicky, to build in alone time for Neil and Andrew in their dorm room, and they seemed to gratefully take advantage of this allotted time. They had started to kiss in front of him a bit, but this was definitely making out and a completely different category from a quick goodnight. Kevin was surprised, after a minute, when Neil said,
“Kevin?” he said it questioningly, like he wasn’t sure if Kevin was awake. Kevin considered pretending not not to be, and then quietly responded,
“Yeah?”
“Um, can you put in some earplugs?” Kevin didn’t know what to say, but then he heard Andrew hiss and sit up. Andrew snapped on the overhead lights from the switch near his bed. He was always so damn abrasive.
“Kevin,” he said flatly. “Kevin, look at me.” Kevin rolled from his back to his right side to face Andrew, his hand still over his eyes. “Yes or no, are you okay with earplugs? We will stop.” Kevin couldn’t believe they were really asking him this.
“I-“ he started. He had spent enough time with Andrew to know that he was serious, that he was really asking, and that he would push Neil out of the top bunk if Kevin said no. He knew he really did have a choice. “I have my headphones,” was all he said. Andrew nodded and cut the lights back off. Kevin dutifully put his headphones in his ears, but his computer was too far away to plug into any background noise, and they only damped the room a little. He couldn’t see anything in the dark, but he could definitely hear. They weren’t being loud, but Kevin was only 5 feet away. It was much more intense than being across a door like last time.
By the time Neil climbed back down to use the bathroom and settle back in his lower bunk, Kevin pretended to be asleep, but he was so hard he knew he would be awake for a while. When Neil came back in, the hallway automatic light illuminated the room for a second when he opened the door, and he saw Kevin’s headphone cord hanging off the bed attached to nothing. He gently pulled it away from Kevin’s neck and set them on the floor. Kevin felt a little embarrassed that Neil had noticed that he hadn’t been covering the sound, but also touched that Neil had made sure he didn’t strangle himself in the night. He was awake for another hour before he could fall asleep, head and heart racing.
--
Later that week, Andrew and Neil were messing around in Neil’s bed, after another “yes or no?” question to Kevin. Kevin didn’t put headphones in this time, and they hadn’t asked him to. He was lying quietly in the dark in his own bed a few feet away, trying to decide what to make of this development.
“Kevin, are you- would you want to-” Neil’s cutoff question came out breathy from the dark.
“Are you touching yourself?” Andrew asked plainly, but even he sounded a little affected.
“No,” Kevin said quietly, although honestly, he really wanted to. This still felt so strange and wrong, but also exciting. It reminded him of the claustrophobic, boundary-less environment of the Nest, but without the fear and what he had come to admit was abuse.
“Do you want to?” Neil asked. Damn them trading sentences so seamlessly, so in tune with each other. Kevin had had that, once, for better or worse, and he was ashamed to admit that he missed it.
“I don’t kn-“ Kevin started. He thought for a moment. “Would you want that?”
“Only if you actually want to,” Neil said.
“Get on the top bunk, where we can’t see you,” Andrew said. Kevin dutifully unfolded his long legs out his bunk and climbed their ladder in two big steps, his hands pulling him up. With the dark and the added assurance that the pair couldn’t possibly see him from this angle, Kevin felt slightly less inhibited despite his closer proximity.
“Do what you want,” Andrew said, and Kevin heard the messy kissing resume. A few minutes later, Neil asked,
“Kevin?” between soft moans. “Are you hard?” Neil asked. Just asking the question seemed to make him moan more.
“Yeah,” Kevin said shyly.
“Mmmm,” Neil responded. Being able to hear the other two and feeling the shared bed shake but not being able to see exactly what they were doing to cause it was driving Kevin crazier than if he’d been able to watch. His imagination was stitching the sounds and rocking with possibly even wilder images than the truth. Kevin started touching himself to the sounds below. At one point, he let his long arm hand down over the edge of the bunk, needing a break so that he wouldn’t come before this was over. He was surprised when a hand grabbed it.
“Kevin?” a voice said. Neil then. And then he spit in Kevin’s hand before releasing it.
None of them lasted very long after that.
--
The next time it happened, Andrew asked Kevin to join before anything started. He and Neil must have talked earlier, because Neil didn’t look surprised at all. Actually, he was looking at Kevin expectantly.
“Do you want get in the bed?” Andrew asked. “Down here,” he clarified.
“Yes,” Kevin said, nervous but sure. Andrew told him to sit against the wall and the top of the bed, and guided Neil to sit between his legs. Andrew climbed on the bed in front of them both. Neil automatically reached for Andrew’s hair with both hands.
“Not today,” Andrew said calmly. “Kevin, hold his arms back.” Kevin already felt a bit faint from the command and his quickly escalating involvement in the situation. Neil, a foot shorter than Kevin and halfway reclined on the bed, had his head leaned against Kevin’s chest. Kevin wrapped his hands around Neil’s wrists and lightly pinned them to the outside of his own thighs. Neil moaned preemptively. Andrew visually checked the restraint.
“Hold him tight, he squirms,” he said, and Kevin swore. He reflexively looped his fingers around Neil’s wrists with more force. He could feel Neil’s scars raised on the tops of his hands and forearms, and although at the moment he couldn’t let go, he wanted to rub circles over them with his thumbs. He thought, could I do that later? before Andrew pulled him back into the moment by sliding down the bed between Neil’s legs. The dorm bunks were not large and were currently holding three men, one large and two small, and Andrew had to pull one leg up under himself and let the other brace against the floor off the bed. Neil’s knees were bent and feet planted on the mattress. He pulled off Neil’s underwear and without any teasing, started sucking Neil. Neil immediately tensed and pulled his arms against Kevin’s grip, but Kevin could tell that he wasn’t actually trying to break free to disobey Andrew’s request, he just wanted something to brace against. Kevin knew Neil wouldn’t be able to get out of the hold anyway: Kevin was a lot bigger and very strong, even with his ruined hand. Kevin felt a wave of heat at his ability to cage Neil in like this, a desire he didn’t even know he had until now.
Andrew was intently blowing Neil without pause and Neil’s hips were lifting off the bed, arms straining against Kevin’s grip. Through pants, he leaned his head back to make eye contact with Kevin upside down and Kevin’s stomach pinched pleasurably at the view of Neil looking up at him, face wrecked and open, hair messy on his forehead and blue eyes intent.
“Kevin?” he said. “Am I hurting your hand?” He shook his left hand in Kevin’s grip for emphasis. Given that Neil was out of himself in pleasure, Kevin was shocked that he was aware enough to ask.
“No, it’s okay,” Kevin answered. “It’s still weaker, but it doesn’t hurt.” Neil nodded and turned his gaze back down to Andrew, who had just pulled off Neil, probably to check on the two of them. Kevin regained a little of his usual edge, which had been shocked out of him by the novel dynamic in these recent encounters. “You’d have to be a lot rougher than that to hurt me,” he said, and Neil groaned and clenched his fists in the sides of Kevin’s sweatpants. Kevin got harder against Neil’s back, which Neil had to feel. Andrew sat up on his knees and Kevin slowly let go of Neil’s wrists, watching Andrew’s reaction. Andrew didn’t look concerned, so Kevin didn’t regain his hold, and Neil looped his own left hand around Kevin’s and brought the back of his palm to his mouth and started kissing it. Kevin jolted and put his own head back against the wall. Neil kissed the scars over the fine bones of Kevin’s hand and then turn it over to kiss the inside of his wrist and placed Kevin’s palm on his scarred cheek, fingers faced back towards Kevin. The angle was a little off, but Neil twisted to the left and used Kevin’s wrist to stick two long fingers into his mouth. He slid them along his tongue and back out experimentally. Kevin felt faint but also mesmerized by the shocking sensation. Neil guided his fingers back in deeper until he gagged a bit, which embarrassingly made Kevin’s hips rock into Neil. Neil moaned and started pushing Kevin’s fingers in and out in a faster rhythm, sucking as he did.
Andrew was still on his knees between Neil’s legs, watching. He was silent, but the veneer of impassivity was cracking to reveal how wrecked he was underneath. He watched Kevin’s hand and palmed himself, not interrupting. His hair was sticking up in the front and face flushed across his cheekbones and nose. He had such pale skin that the rare color was dramatic, and Kevin had to admit, incredibly sexy. Kevin was trying not to grind into Neil’s back, but the suggestive gagging on his fingers was a lot to handle without moving.
“Neil,” he said gently, beginning to worry he would get too worked up. Neil slowly pulled Kevin’s fingers out of his mouth and reached his arms up backwards towards Kevin’s neck.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” Neil admitted. “I love your hands.” Kevin groaned and rubbed his hand up and down Neil’s outstretched forearms. Neil hadn’t had the chance to take off his T-shirt, and it rode up as he stretched his arms back. For some reason, Kevin felt that Neil’s hard dick on display under the shirt looked more obscene than if he had been fully naked. Andrew reached to put a hand flat on Neil’s taut lower abs and Kevin reached a hand under the hem to push the shirt up to his chest, pinching his nipple as he did. Andrew ran both hands over the scarred stomach, looking reverent and like his control was slipping. Neil was whining and had his hands loosely looped, upside down, around Kevin’s neck to hold on.
“Neil, what do you want?” Andrew finally said. He looked like he knew the answer but just needed to hear it.
“Fuck me against Kevin,” Neil replied breathlessly.
“Kevin?” Andrew asked. Kevin nodded, impossibly turned on and hot all over. Still pushing the shirt up, he pinched each of Neil’s nipples and Neil cried out, back arching.
Andrew took his own clothes off and returned to his position between Neil’s legs. He pulled Neil’s hips up onto his own bent thighs, and folded back Neil’s knees further.
“Kevin,” Andrew said. “Hold his legs.” Neil was whining and thrusting on Andrew’s lap, and when Kevin let go of his chest to slide his hands behind Neil’s knees, he replaced his own hands on his chest, pushing the shirt up to his neck and twisting his own nipples. Kevin groaned and gave the back of Neil’s legs a sharp pull up towards his chest, splayed wide.
“Fuck,” Andrew said. His eyes were darting between Neil’s spread ass and Kevin’s taught biceps above Neil’s knees. “Just like that. Hold him there.” When Andrew was inside, the first hard thrust made all three of them groan as Kevin felt the force through Neil. Andrew started to move faster, and it was the hottest thing Kevin had ever experienced. Granted, his sex life so far had been a bit fraught, inextricable from Raven abuse and it was impossible to untangle if he had genuinely consented to those encounters or not. This felt completely different, shocking and new, but with full agency. Andrew’s pounding was moving Neil’s back against Kevin’s dick. Keven was shirtless in his sweatpants, and Neil’s shirt had ridden up in the back and his skin was flush with Kevin’s stomach and the body heat felt intense.
Andrew was still sitting on his knees with his hands around Neil’s hipbones, but he let go to push on Kevin’s hands on Neil. Distracted by everything and Neil limp in his arms, Kevin had let Neil’s legs drop a bit. Obediently he pulled back, holding Neil’s legs thighs against his sides. Andrew leaned over Neil’s body and planted his arms beside him on the bed, leveraging himself over Neil. When he resumed fucking Neil, he was much closer to Kevin than he had been before, His face hovering over Neil’s and both below Kevin’s. Kevin could smell his shampoo and the light, appealing smell of his sweat.
“Fuck, Andrew,” Kevin said. “That’s so hot. Fuck him into me.” Andrew let out a small sound and said,
“Keep him open for me.” Neil seemed to like being talked about like this and moaned between them, pliant and content to be manhandled. Andrew was always in control, but he seemed to be losing a little of his restraint. He slammed into Neil, messily kissing him when he could connect their lips. Neil was starting to yell into his mouth.
“Andrew, I’m so close, fuck me, make me come.” Andrew sped up and Neil continued. “Make me come on your dick.” He was whining, hands jumping from between his own chest to Kevin’s arms to the sheets. He started to reach for himself, but Andrew sharply said,
“No. Kevin,” and lifted one hand off the bed to tap one of Kevin’s, still wrapped around the back of Neil’s thighs. Kevin was nervous to stick his hand between them, knowing that Andrew was wary of contact, but Andrew grabbed his hand until he let go and slid it between himself and Neil. Kevin held Neil’s dick, which was smashed between the bodies when Andrew resumed movement. Smashed like this, Kevin couldn’t really move his hand on his own, but he held pressure while Andrew did the work for them. Neil replaced Kevin’s grip to hold his own free leg back with his hand, which was surprisingly and obscenely hot. Andrew saw it too and looked frantic.
“Fuck, you’re so good Neil, keep yourself open for us, while I fuck you both into the mattress,” he panted out. Neil was yelling and coming over Kevin’s fingers and both of their stomachs. Andrew yelled and erratically pounded into Neil, and Kevin almost came from the intense friction when Andrew did, holding his hips against Neil.
When everyone had separated and pulled their sticky bodies apart and recovered enough to see and hear clearly again, Kevin was sitting off the edge of the bed, and Neil was lying sideways leaning his head on Kevin’s muscular thigh. Kevin was still so hard that he didn’t know what to do, but too overwhelmed to take any action. Andrew went to get a glass of water and came back holding it and an unlit cigarette. He held the glass out to Neil and then Kevin before heading towards the bedroom window.
“Kevin, which hand do you jerk off with?” Neil asked in a tone too pensive for the subject matter. Kevin sighed, looking a little embarrassed, which was ridiculous given to what they had just done.
“There was a time when I had to use my right, the left was totally trashed. I could never quite get there, though. But then my good hand healed some and I started using it again, but it’ll never be the same.” He sighed. Exy was of course was the biggest loss from his violent injury, but did he also have to lose this too? Now that his fear had subsided some, anger had started to replace it. Sometimes the unfairness of his past hit him, and he felt exhausted. Neil saw the faint sadness on his face, intuiting all that Riko and the Ravens had taken from him. Neil climbed up on Kevin’s lap, legs braced on either side of Kevin’s thighs.
“Show me what you like,” Neil kissed him and said into his mouth, “and I’ll do it for you.” Kevin shivered and slowly gripped his aching dick with his left hand, and Neil covered it with his right. Seeing Neil’s smaller hand overlapped on his own was surprisingly erotic. Kevin began slowly stroking himself, applying pressure and releasing how he liked it. It felt good, but even after all the delicate bones had reformed, he didn’t have the control or mobility that he had before. Neil lightly kept his hand over Kevin’s for a while, learning the rhythms and patterns, before he squeezed Kevin’s hand and began controlling the movement himself, mimicking what Kevin had been doing and guiding Kevin’s hand. It was a relief to the frustrating not-quite-satisfying ability of his own rehabilitated hand, made hotter by the intent look on Neil’s face as he tried to get this right. Kevin was already leaking so much that Neil was smearing it around his dick, making the whole slide slick.
“Fuck, Kevin, you’re so hot,” Neil said, cupping his balls with his other hand. Kevin’s hips jerked up and he moaned. Andrew was watching from a few feet away, standing next to the bed leaned against the wall, holding a lit cigarette up to the open window behind his head. He looked a little wrecked still but calm, content to be a bystander. “Is this good?” Neil asked. “Now that I know what you like, I can help you.” He was stroking faster now, Kevin’s hand limp under his and letting Neil take control. “Next time, tell me when you want to get off and I’ll do it for you.” Kevin was open-mouth moaning, his right hand in Neil’s hair gripped hard. Neil could be such a loudmouthed shit, but his ability to hold his ground had always been aspirational to Kevin and his total lack of embarrassment and eagerness was now also sexy.
“You’re going to help me come?” Kevin said, “whenever I ask?”
“Yeah,” Neil said, and he was panting. This line of dirty talk was working on both of them. “I want to do that to you. When I hear our whining in your bed, I want you to ask me to climb in and touch you until you come in my hands.” Kevin’s hips jerked and he moaned low and long and he pulsed over both their fingers. Andrew had put out his cigarette and was now standing behind Neil’s kneeled form and put his hand loosely in Neil’s hair over Kevin’s fingers.
“If you ask him, I’m going to watch,” Andrew finally said. Kevin was still coming, the waves prolonged by Andrew’s statement. He leaned back to recline fully on the bed, slowly pulling his hand from Neil’s hair and crossing the backs of his hand over his eyes.
“Oh my god,” he said.
--
On Monday morning, the three were drinking coffee in the kitchen before class. Kevin put his mug in the sink and grabbed his backpack to head out.
“Hey Kevin,” Andrew said. “This afternoon in the hour between class and practice: fair warning. Do you want to be in the library, or do you want to be in the bed?”
Kevin closed his eyes for a second to brace himself for the next six hours he would have to endure with anticipatory images of Neil and Andrew flashing between his eyes. “I think it’s going to be difficult to concentrate on the history of Northern Ireland today,” Kevin said, before he shouldered out of the door.