Chapter Text
The woods were quiet and imposing as Azik walked away from his home, his castle, his son, with heavy steps. The Baron of Lamud couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk his son to his inevitable fate of loosing him.
Loosing him, like he had lost his wife. Like he had lost every person he had ever loved in each new cycle of life that he now remembered.
He would rather have his son hate him, than see him die because he was in his life.
The former Death Consul didn't think he could take much more loss before breaking. Even while not remembering every life he had lived, he did remember the countless times where his significant other or child had died.
Not by old age.
No.
They were always taken too early. Always by murder or suffering a horrible accident.
Not one time had they outlived his cycle of amnesia.
Why was he so cursed? He just wanted to be able to love freely. To keep the family he created safe and happy.
If it were not for his repeated amnesia, Azik would have already given up on the thought.
He just wanted to stop hurting. Wanted to live without his curse of death and amnesia!
There had to be a way.
There must be a way to achieve this, -a way to dispose of his curses!
If only he could remember more…
He didn't know how much time he had before the new cycle began, but he had to find a way! He had to find a way to escape this hell!
Azik could only pray for a miracle to happen, as he had no idea where to even start searching for an answer.
Miracles? What a joke. This world was thriving with danger. Finding miracles in such a world was highly improbable, maybe even impossible. Especially for him, who was born in darkness and death.
Any light he managed to grasp, quickly faded. This has been the truth his entire immortal life.
Azik walked through the forest aimlessly, just hoping to get away from the place he had called home.
~
He must have walked for hours now through the thick forest. The sun had long since set, and so had Azik's sense of direction.
Maybe he had walked in a circle for hours, maybe he was close to the edge of the forest, he didn't know.
A part of Azik was surprised.
After living years here, he should have known these woods like the back of his hand, but…
"Must be the grief…"
The tears he had shed had long since dried up, leaving Azik feeling hollow.
"I wish I could just die here… What is even the point… Loosing my memories, living life again and again only to loose what I treasure the most and then remember what I had lost before…"
Azik leaned against a tree, his forehead touching the rough surface.
It hurt.
It hurt that he kept repeating the same cycle.
It hurt that all his happiness always fell away like sand through his fingers.
He didn't even remember why he was this way.
The former baron punched the tree, letting out a scream of rage.
"WHY AM I SO CURSED!!!"
Falling to his knees, he slumped against the tree.
Why did he have to keep living?
~
Numbness was the only thing he felt. Even the passage of time didn't register in Azik as he still lay slumped against the tree, -his knees stopped aching long ago.
The first rays of sunlight tore their way through the canopy, bathing the forest in a heavenly hue.
Azik blinked, coming out of his catatonic state. He still didn't move from his position, but he registered how the woods started to come alive around him.
Birds chirped, squirrels ran up the tree, leaves rustled and bugs trilled.
If Azik had been in a better mood, he would have basked in the moment, but as he was now, it only reminded him of the times he and his wife brought his son on a trip to the forest.
He heaved himself around, so that his back was against the tree.
Azik stared ahead, not really seeing the forest, but his wife and son.
His wife twirled around the trees as his giggling son ran after her, trying to catch her. How his son glowed when he finally caught her, -his wife laughing loudly, her eyes shining as they met his.
He could see it so clearly. He wanted this back. Please let him get this back.
A singular tear ran down Azik's cheek.
He would never get this back.
Azik curled up, hiding his face between his knees, squeezing his eyes shut, trying and failing to shoo away the thoughts of his wife on her death bed.
She had looked so pale, -so drained of life. Not only that, but he could feel it. He could feel her life coming to an end, without being able to stop it.
The disease had come too far along, being untreated for a long time due to being unknown.
But the closer his wife reached death, the more Azik felt sure that it was because he was in her life. It felt as if he drained the life from the people around him.
Maybe he should just lock himself away. That way even when he lost his memories again, he would not keep hurting the people he loves. It would just be him hurting, and that was a price he was willing to pay.
A nuzzle to his foot broke Azik out of his dark contemplations.
He looked over his arms, which had previously hidden him, down to his foot. A shimmering silvery-blue cat looked up at him with wide eyes.
"Meow"
The sound echoed, not really in this realm, but on the cusp of it.
Something in his mind clicked.
"Lethe! Is that you?" Azik's fingers twitched, wanting to pat the cat, already knowing it to be true in his heart that the cat was one he had kept in a past cycle.
"Meow," the cat nuzzled closer before jumping, -or was it flying, up, seating itself on Azik's knees.
Tears welled up in Azik's eyes, as he was confronted with another victim of his curse.
Hesitating, Azik reached out and started to pat his former cat, who only nudged her head against Azik's hand, letting out a content purr.
"Lethe! It really is you! I am sorry! I am so so sorry!" Azik started sobbing, scooping up Lethe and hugging her close. "You died early because of me. I am sorry. I am sorry that I couldn't safe you! It was all my fault…my fault…"
Lethe bumped her forehead against Azik's chest, not stopping the purring, as if trying to comfort her former owner.
Time passed and the sobs slowly abated, leaving Azik feeling even more drained.
Though with that exhaustion came clarity. His Lethe was now a spirit and had found him! Here in the human realm! This was not a place that Lethe should roam anymore!
Running his fingers over her head, Azik took deep breaths, feeling that Lethe's fur, didn't feel like fur but like wispy fog.
"What are you doing here Lethe? How are you even here?" Puzzled, Azik looked around, hoping to find the answer within his reach.
Seeing nothing, his gaze wandered back to the cat in his arms. Lethe was looking deep into Azik's eyes, as if trying to tell him something, yet Azik couldn't grasp it.
Azik leaned down, kissing the cats head.
"While I am glad that you are here and I would love to keep you with me, the world of the living isn't a place you should roam. Plus staying with me would probably end badly for you again. You have seen yourself how cursed I am!
Please. Please leave me. I can't bear you loosing the lasts remnants of life that you have, because you were around me…" Azik stood up, placing Lethe to the ground, trying to keep a stern face, even as if he felt like breaking inside.
The spirit only gazed at Azik, not moving from her place on the ground, -neither stopping the purring, that meant that everything was alright.
"Please! Please leave! Just leave me alone!" It hurt. It hurt so bad, but it was the only way.
"Meow!"
Lethe moved forward with assertive steps, before harshly biting down on the cuff of his trousers, pulling at it, as if telling Azik to follow her.
Staring down at his cat, Azik didn't know what to make of the action, but took a step forward regardless.
The cat, as if nodding to herself released his trousers and started to walk away, stopping a few paces in front of Azik and looking back at him. Waiting.
Trepidation welled up from deep inside. Something felt different, yet what it was, he couldn't grasp.
With slow steps, Azik started to walk towards Lethe, who, -when she saw her former owner move, started walking more and more into the woods.
Every minute, Lethe turned back around, making sure that Azik was still following.
Azik didn't know what to make of his current situation. He didn't even know why he still kept following his Lethe deeper and deeper into the woods.
While he didn't believe that Lethe had any bad intentions for him, Azik also didn't care if she did. He would deserve it.
He couldn't save his dear Lethe, just like he couldn't save anything else he treasured.
~
Azik sat on his houses porch in the late evening, the lantern on the table shining just enough for him to read the book that was in his hand.
It was a calm night, the moon shone its bright red and the stars twinkled. It was lovely.
The town he currently worked and lived in was a calm one. With only 200 residents, this countryside town tended to be a stop for travellers who journeyed from city to city. Sometimes though, when a group of merchants made their way through, the town livened up.
As the owner of a small bookshop, Azik mostly spent his days in his shop, reading and watching his cat Lethe walk around the shop as if it was her realm.
He still didn't know how he ended up in this town, his memories from before missing, -amnesia, a doctor told him, but he really liked it here.
The towns folk welcomed him with open arms, making him apart of their community, and even gifting him a house on the outskirts of the town.
It was a cosy life. Just him and his cat Lethe.
Lethe had been a gift from a neighbor who's cat had gotten pregnant. The first time he had held Lethe, it felt like his heart melted. This tiny creature was absolutely adorable.
She was a white cat with grey and brown spots, one even in the same spot, where his mole sat. It felt utterly right taking her in and loving her.
Four years had passed since then and Lethe had grown into her own.
She was a proud and smart cat, emotionally intelligent too.
Sometimes when she walked through the vilages streets with him, and she saw a child in any sort of discomfort or sadness, she was the first one there to brighten their day. She tended to nuzzle close and purr to make the children feel better.
This also made her the town childrens favourite and utterly spoilt.
Not a day got by, when a child walked up to them and crouched down to Lethe to give her a small treat.
Azik shook his head in amusement. Even just thinking about it, made him feel warm.
He wondered where Lethe was now, though thinking about how late it was, she should be returning soon.
Putting his book down, Azik picked up his luke warm cup of tea and stared at the countryside, it was utterly beautiful and calm.
The quiet broke when Azik started to hear screams. His brows furrowed, trying to find the source of the screams. Getting up, he walked down the steps and around his house.
There, in the distance, he could see smoke rising up. A lot of smoke.
Azik fell into a sprint into the town, passing people who walked out of their own houses, having heard the screams themselves, and making his way towards the burning site.
At the edges of the burning town square, people had gathered, hurrying to find water to extinguish the rising and spreading flames.
Just as Azik walked over to a policeman in charge of this task, he heard something and stopped dead in his tracks.
"Mreoww"
His head whipped around towards the flaming town square, spotting Lethe, utterly beat up, covered in ash and moving towards Azik as if barely able to move forward.
"Lethe!" Rushing towards his hurt cat, he fell to his knees just in time to catch his collapsing cat. Lethe let out a soft meow, giving his hand a soft nuzzle before she stopped moving.
Azik's heart dropped.
He felt it.
Frantically, Azik moved his hands towards Lethe's heart, trying to find a heartbeat.
"Why is there no heartbeat?
No no nononono……" Azik tried to breath but felt like all breath had left him. This could not be happening! Not his Lethe!
The screams around him reached a cressendo , pulling Azik out of his grief and to the situation at hand.
Gathering up the corpse of his beloved cat, he placed her down in a safe spot before joining the fight against the fire.
The night was long. Too long.
Dawn broke before they managed to extinguish the last of the flames. The damage sever and many people lost to the flames.
While the villagers were relieved that it was over, an overall feeling of melancholy lay over the residents.
47 people. 47 people had lost their lives last night. 47 and Lethe.
As people slumped to the ground in exhaustion, Azik's gaze wandered over the damage.
"How did this even happen?" Knowing where to find the answers, Azik walked towards the gathering of policemen with heavy steps.
"…drunkard… child…. Lethe…" At the mention of his cat Azik hurried along faster, hoping to find out what had happened.
"Please. Tell me! What happened last night? And what does it have to do with Lethe?!" Azik was utterly frantic. He had to know!
The policemen looked at each other, before one stepped forward and pulled Azik aside.
Clearing his throat, the policeman began to explain what happened.
Apparently a drunkard merchant had walked the streets in anger, -a bottle of alcohol in hand, after having been thrown out of the bar. Lethe who had been walking the streets, came upon him, and the merchant in his anger started to beat her up.
Due to her yowling, a child that had been on its way home, rushed between Lethe and the drunkard, only to get beaten up too, as the merchant grew more and more furious. By the time people had apparently rushed out of their house to see what had happened, the man had already lit a few buildings on fire, leaving the cat and child heavily injured on the ground.
By the time the policemen made it to the scene, the fire had spread, the child was dead and the cat had vanished.
Icy fury mixed with utter despair settled into Azik's bones. How dare he! How dare that merchant do this!
In his rage and anguish, Azik didn't notice the black tendrils move out from his shadows, towards the people and living things around him.
The collapsing of bodies made Azik aware that something was wrong.
"What happened?" Azik seeing the black tendrils, followed them back to their source, before hitching a breath.
Him. He was the cause!
He rushed to the nearest body, trying and failing to find a pulse. Dead.
~
"MEOW!"
Azik stumbled at the loud cry from Lethe. He had been so lost in his memories, that he hadn't even noticed where they had been walking.
Lethe looked up at him in concern, as emotionally intelligent, as she had been in her life, before nuzzling his leg.
Taking a few deep breaths, and trying to shove his memories away, Azik finally noticed, that they were standing in front of a cave. His cat, noticing that he was back, started walking into the cave, steps light and not really touching the ground.
Seeing that his cat dissapeared into the cave, Azik was soon to follow.
What he saw made his breath catch.
It was a shrine. An old and abandoned shrine.
Walking forward in trepidation, Azik was careful not to touch anything as he looked around.
Images of a hooded figure littered the cave, a figure Azik had never seen before. Slowly, Azik made his way to the altar, where he saw a plaque.
Lethe moved around his feet, before jumping onto the alter, gazing at Azik with a knowing look, before moving her focus to the plaque.
Knowing what his precious cat wanted, he mentally read the inscription.
" The Fool who doesn't belong to this Era
The Dominator of the Spirit World,
The King of Yellow and Black who controls good luck,
The Lord of Mysteries"
An honourific name?
He looked back at Lethe, who was staring at him with expectant eyes.
"You want me to pray? To this unknown existence?" Lethe nodded, which made Azik laugh hysterically.
Was he really going to do this? Pray to an unknown existence, just because his former cat had told him to?
He had enough of his former memories, that he knew this was a bad idea.
But.
At this point he had nothing left. And right now actually dying didn't actually sound that bad.
Plus it was Lethe. Lethe had never done him wrong before.
With his resolve in place, he kneeled in front of the altar and took a praying position.
"The Fool who doesn't belong to this Era,
The Dominator of the Spirit World,
The King of Yellow and Black who controls good luck,
The Lord of Mysteries."
As soon as he had finished reciting the honourific name and before he could utter an actual prayer, his vision went red.