Chapter Text
“How dare you?!”
The dagger appears out of nowhere in the prince’s hand and just a second later Tony can feel the sharp steel of its blade right against his throat.
Truth be told - he shouldn't be surprised. Since the moment he became a part of this diplomatic mission, he has constantly been reminded that he needs to control himself all the time, absolutely not act on instinct and make sure he doesn't do anything unwise. After all, he is an ambassador of humankind and should remain professional in all possible aspects.
Kissing the youngest prince of Jotunheim is definitely not a professional kind of behaviour. Nor a wise one.
Oh, well. What else could you expect from Tony Stark?
***
Ten days earlier.
Stark Tower conference hall.
“I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to include Mr Stark in this expedition.” The senator’s disdainful tone of voice is maddening, but not as much as the fact that he's talking about Tony like he’s not here, while being a guest in his goddamned house. Rhodey, for whom the statement was intended, opens his mouth but Tony doesn't let him answer.
“In case you haven't noticed, senator, Mr Stark is standing right beside you and he hates being addressed in the third person.”
His own voice is now underlined with a note he likes to call “charmingly offensive”, perfectly matching his smile, which results in the senator setting his jaw and Rhodey looking as if he was currently listing all the life choices he was deeply regretting.
“By the way, it's interesting that you don’t seem to have any problems with Doctor Banner here,” Tony continues smoothly, pointing in Bruce's direction. “Is the probability of me doing something stupid really that much greater than him suddenly hulking out in the worst possible moment?”
Bruce just sighs quietly. “Tony, you know I have it under control now,” he says wearily, exactly at the same moment as the senator exclaims: “See, that's what I'm talking about!”
“Gentlemen!! Please!!” It's probably the closest thing to a roar that Tony's ever heard leaving Rhodey’s mouth. Probably - that anyone of them has ever heard. They all shut up instantly, startled by this unexpected reaction.
“Senator Smith, I understand your concerns...” Rhodey is already returning to his typical composure. His index finger moves up sharply in Tony's direction in a way that clearly means “don't you dare say a word”.
“However, it was the president who wanted to include Tony Stark in this diplomatic mission. I'm sure you don't want to undermine his decisions.”
Smith's lips form a thin line. He looks like he wants to say something which he might later regret but changes his mind at the last moment.
“Of course I don't. If the president himself thinks that’s the most suitable man for the job…,” he says in a way which clearly indicates how much he begs to differ.
“Great!” Tony offers him the most visibly fake smile he's capable of. “So if we're done here, you will excuse me. I need to do some important things, for a change.”
“Tony–!” Rhodey begins, but all he gets is a half-mocking gesture of salute and the loud sound of slamming doors just a moment later.
*
Tony leans his back against the elevator wall and closes his eyes. He is aware he was being a total pain in the ass during the whole meeting and honestly intends to apologise to both Rhodey and Bruce as soon as possible. Maybe take them out somewhere fancy, make it up to them somehow? Still, he can't say he's surprised by his own behaviour - that's his typical way of acting when he feels that things are getting out of hand, that it's all too much for him to handle.
And that's the feeling which has accompanied him for quite some time.
It hasn't even been a year since the people of Earth learnt that they're not alone in the Universe. First, there came the Asgardians. (Or “Æsir” - as they call themselves - but Tony is not good at using any names which include strange sounds and letters.) This part was quite all right, apart from the obvious shock for humanity. Diplomatic visits on both sides, learning about each other's cultures, exchanging some knowledge, etcetera, etcetera. Sugar and spice and everything nice. Okay, they might have been slightly patronising at times, treating humankind as a less advanced civilisation and trying to act like an overprotective, older sibling, but apart from that - everything about cooperation with aliens seemed to go just fine.
Then - Thanos happened.
That was the moment when it stopped being fine and the shit got real. It was also the very same moment in which the Avengers initiative started to operate and when everyone was suddenly grateful for having this slightly patronising and overprotective older sibling from another planet. All in all, it took more than a month, but the combined forces of Earth and Asgard finally managed to kill the Mad Titan and defeat his army. After which, the Asgardians decided to have a resident emissary here, just in case - and that's how the God of Thunder ended up living in Tony's tower.
Yeah, that’s right, you've heard it correctly. And apparently these are not just fancy nicknames. Sometimes Tony feels as if he accidentally got into one of those mythology books he read as a child. Gods, titans, lightning-conjuring hammers, magic sticks, guys living on the other side of a rainbow bridge.
Oh, and the most recent addition to this lovely collection. Giants. Frosty ones.
The elevator door opens with a soft sound, making Tony snap out of the mental whirlpool. As soon as he steps into his penthouse, his feet semi-automatically take him in the direction of the bar. At least one shot of whiskey is a necessity right now.
A few minutes later, he puts his drink on the coffee table and flops down on the sofa. He'd really like to stop thinking for a while but his mind is too wired up to let him rest in peace and quiet, and the annoying swarm of thoughts returns at the speed of light.
Giants, eh? Well, it could have been worse. Probably. (After all, Thor was once babbling something about elves and dwarves - and that is definitely getting too tolkienish for Tony to handle without fuss.) These ones didn't fly in here over the rainbow but stepped out of some kind of a weird energy portal. Tony would really like to look at it more closely one day but so far he hasn't had a chance. Oh, well… Maybe after the mission proves to be successful.
Right. The mission. Damn!
To be honest, deep down inside Tony absolutely agrees with Senator Smith. He's not good material for a diplomat. Come on! - he is Tony Stark, for fuck's sake! Nobody in their right mind would find him suitable for this kind of expedition. However…
You see, there's a catch here. After Thanos's charming visit, it became clear that being distrustful or scared of aliens is not exactly a symptom of paranoia. The decision of letting a few human beings go unguarded into an unknown realm could be quite unwise, not to mention - highly unpopular among the people. On the other hand, discarding the opportunity to cooperate with yet another interesting civilisation is not a good choice, either. So - after lots of debates and discussions - a compromise was reached.
The emissaries will consist of three diplomats, one scientist and one engineer. At least that's the official version… as only two of the diplomats really are who they claim to be. The third one is their personal bodyguard - Natasha Romanoff, a top-class spy and one of the Avengers. The scientist and the engineer are one hundred percent genuine, though. And if they accidentally happen to be connected with the Avengers initiative as well… that's just a pure coincidence, isn't it?
The glass is already empty, so Tony gets up in order to refill it. Yeah, he knows he’s been drinking too much lately. Somehow, the prospect of being Earth's ambassador makes him a bit anxious. It's a combination of “keep your big mouth shut”, “don't do what you usually do” and “the whole world counts on you”. No pressure at all.
Shit! It would be much easier if he had more information about their future hosts. Unfortunately, these are just the first contacts, so the knowledge is scarce. He didn't attend any of the visits the Giants paid on Earth, but he's read the reports and has seen the video footage from one of them. He might as well watch it again right now.
He opens his laptop and plays the video, while at the same time his mind tries to list every piece of information he has. A planet called Jotunheim. Cold. Very cold. The emissary said something about the ability to make them feel comfortable in these conditions, though. Tony wonders how they're gonna do it but this civilisation has to be on quite a high technological level or else they wouldn't be able to create such portals. Science, “magic”, whatever. If it works - it works, no matter how much Tony's brain opposes that sometimes. If he plays nice, maybe they'll share with him some details of their inventions.
His attention moves back to the video. Three guys, although only one does the talking (and he uses perfect, posh English, just like Thor does). Two others seem to be just his bodyguards; they're taller and bulkier than him and their facial features are much cruder. The speaking one looks the most human-like of them all. As much as blue skin, blood-red eyes with no whites and curved horns can be classified as “human-like”.
He pauses the footage and looks more closely. Hell, the guy is interestingly exotic and could be considered pretty hot, provided you’re into some weirder–
Oh, no, no, no! We're not going there!
Tony slams the laptop shut. No way. He’s not getting any ideas here. The whole situation is crazy enough without him becoming sexually attracted to some demonic smurf.
So, no more videos for today. And as the reports are excruciatingly boring, Tony decides to talk to Thor somewhere during the next few days and get additional info directly from him. Right now, it might be a good idea to go down to the workshop. Away from the laptop, the footage and all possible inspirations for bat-shit-crazy, alien-including fantasies he might have later that night.