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“Do you have any regrets about our wedding?”
“Good morning to you too, solnyshko,” Ilya groaned, stretching his legs out and blinking his eyes open slowly to acclimate to the light, drinking in the sight of his husband sitting up shirtless in their bed, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he stared down at Ilya with a fond expression.
“Sorry,” Shane grimaced, cheeks turning pink at his own eagerness to talk to his husband. “I’ve just been up thinking.”
“I can tell.”
Rolling closer, Ilya buried his face into Shane’s stomach, wrapping his arms around his husband’s tight waist and sinking into his embrace as Shane pulled him in, slipping one of his hands into Ilya’s golden curls and bringing the other to trail lightly down Ilya’s cheek.
“Why are you wondering about our wedding?” Ilya mumbled into the skin of Shane’s stomach, turning his face to plant one, two, three kisses there, smiling to himself when Shane Junior jumped with delight at the sensation. “No Mr. Hollander Junior, I am not awake yet.”
“Oh shut up,” Shane laughed brightly, dropping his glasses onto the nightstand and pushing Ilya off so he could lie down alongside him, the pair now nose to nose as Shane pulled him flush against his body. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Ilya smiled softly, planting a loving kiss onto the tip of Shane’s nose. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Now, Shane. Why are you asking about our wedding?” Ilya turned serious, brow furrowing in confusion. “We just won Stanley Cup. Anya is good. Our parents are good. We are good. We are good, yes?”
“Don’t be stupid,” Shane glared as soon as the words slipped out of Ilya’s mouth, though his expression softened a moment later when Ilya audibly sighed in relief. “Shush. I don’t know, I was just…”
“Just?”
“Our one-year anniversary is in two weeks,” Shane started quietly, his expression going thoughtful. “Can I say something weird?”
“Most things you say are weird, moy lyubimyy,” Ilya teased, though he was smiling again and so was Shane. “But yes, of course.”
“I’m feeling kind of weird about our anniversary,” Shane admitted tentatively, averting his gaze to stare down at the chain around Ilya’s neck instead. “I mean, we’ve been together since we were 18 basically, so one-year doesn’t even feel accurate, but also…”
“Tell me,” Ilya pressed as soon as Shane trailed off, leaning forward to capture Shane’s lips in the softest of kisses. “Is just me, Shane. What is going on in your head. Do you have regrets about our wedding?”
“I—”
The silence that followed was deafening, but Ilya could tell just by looking at Shane that it wasn’t the wedding itself his husband was regretting, but something else, something other that had pulled this current look onto his husband’s face.
“I don’t at all regret marrying you,” Shane eventually began, laughing lightly when Ilya dramatically threw a hand over his forehead and muttered ‘thank fuck’ into the space between them, his face bright, though Shane could see the worry in his eyes all the same. “But I kind of regret…how? I guess?”
“Oh?” Ilya hummed, pulling back a bit so he could see all of Shane’s face, holding himself up on one elbow and letting his head rest on the fist of his left hand as he tried to parse through the expression that had taken root on Shane’s features.
“I don’t know…I think it was just a lot of emotions last year?” Shane tried again, lips pulled down into a frown. “We had just been outed, my team turned their back on me, I had almost lost you in that plane accident, we got threatened by Cromwell. There were just so many emotions all at once, I think some of the bad might have…”
“Made some of the good less so,” Ilya finished, nodding along as he did. “Yes, actually, this makes sense, is how I feel too. I love being married to you, I love calling you my husband. But there were many changes in a short amount of time. January I almost died, July I am married to you. Happy ending, yes, but also, a lot of emotions too.”
“Exactly,” Shane agreed, his entire body sinking into their mattress now that he had said the quiet part out loud. “I wanted to marry you so bad, but also didn’t have the emotional capacity to actually plan a wedding.”
“Yes, well,” Ilya smiled, thinking back on how ridiculous their wedding had been in hindsight. “If we did it again, I would maybe make sure we have chairs.”
“Right?? Who doesn’t have chairs at their wedding??” Shane huffed dramatically, face morphing through a series of dramatized expressions before the pair dissolved into laughter in each other’s arms, lips coming together and clothes coming off as they committed themselves to each other in their favourite way.
“We didn’t even write vows,” Ilya said sometime later where he lay spent against the headboard, Shane curled up on his chest, his breathing slow as the pair lay together.
“No, we didn’t,” Shane sighed, tilting his face to kiss over Ilya’s heart before letting his head rest back down on Ilya’s chest, his eyelids fluttering shut under the weight of his contentment. “We should just get married again. You invite people, I’ll rent chairs, we’ll each write vows. Call it a day.”
“Okay.”
“Hm?” Shane questioned in surprise a few seconds later, realizing belatedly that his husband was…agreeing?
“I said okay,” Ilya replied easily, bringing one hand up to cup Shane’s cheek, trailing his thumb across Shane’s plump red lips. “If you want to get married again, we will get married again. Vow renewal, yes?”
“You’d…be okay with that?” Shane asked in disbelief, adjusting himself until he could see the entirety of Ilya’s expression.
“Oh no, how awful to marry my beautiful husband again, such tragedy to be burdened with such a task!” Ilya scoffed, smiling when Shane burst into giggles that seemed to catch himself by surprise. “Don’t be stupid, Shane. I would marry you again every day of the week if you asked me to. I’d write a hundred vows, a thousand vows, a million!”
“Would they be any good?” Shane teased, his eyes sparkling with the same happiness that had taken root in his chest.
And if Ilya tackled him onto the bed at his comment, tickling his husband’s sides until Shane was red in the face and laughing with glee, well, who could really blame him?
He loved his husband so much.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
“Are you going to explain to me why we are at the rink in July of all months?” Shane asked as he followed Ilya into the building, turning to lock their car over his shoulder as they did.
“You talk too much,” Ilya countered in lieu of an answer, yelping in surprise when Shane slapped his ass in retaliation. “Shane!”
“What? You deserved it,” Shane replied proudly, following Ilya through the underbelly of the arena until they turned into the hall that led to the locker rooms, the home teams room to the left and the away teams to the right.
But much to Shane’s surprise, that was where Ilya stopped, turning around to take Shane’s hands in his own and smiling so softly that Shane momentarily forgot how to breathe.
“Dusha moja, do you remember the conversation we had two weeks ago in bed?” Ilya started, his voice sounding…nervous?
“Yes?” Shane answered hesitantly, brows coming together as he waited for Ilya to continue. “I mean, we have lots of conversations in bed. I know you wanted to start running drills earlier this year to rehab your ankle, is that why we are here?”
“Gospodi pomiluj,” Ilya groaned, dropping his chin down onto his chest and groaning dramatically. “You are so lucky you are cute, Shane.”
“Why??” Shane asked genuinely, looking around as if the answer was to be found in the concrete walls on either side of them. “What am I missing?”
“What day is it today, Shane?” Ilya pressed, shaking his head fondly, though a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips as he did.
“Thursday?” Shane answered, cheeks going pink when Ilya swore under his breath. “July fif–OH! That conversation!”
“Yes, ‘oh’,” Ilya mimicked, voice incredibly condescending which earned him another slap, this time to his left bicep. “That conversation.”
“Wait, so…we’re doing our vow renewal at the rink?” Shane questioned and for a moment Ilya forgot how to breathe as he watched Shane’s eyes begin to sparkle and a smile spread across his cheeks until his husband was practically vibrating with barely contained excitement before him.
“Yes,” Ilya smiled in return, feeling his heart do a somersault in his chest at the utter elation that had taken up space on Shane’s face. “Though not really vow renewal since we did not do vows first time. Vow ceremony maybe. And this time there are chairs, Shane! 18,100 of them, I counted!”
“Oh my gosh, I love you so much,” Shane cheered and suddenly Ilya’s arms and lips were full of Shane, his husband pressing the two of them so closely together that Ilya wasn’t entirely convinced that they wouldn’t meld into one.
“Wait, so like, how does this work?” Shane asked as he pulled back, and Ilya smiled as he saw Shane switch from his husband to the hockey player he had fallen in love with, his gaze turning analytical and his expression shifting into one of strict determination.
“Well,” Ilya began, taking Shane’s hands back into his own. “You are going to go into our locker room and get dressed, and I am going to go into the away locker room and get dressed, and when we are done you are going to meet me on the ice where I’ll be waiting to marry you for the second time. And once we are done, if you are good, I will take you home and make love to you until you forget your name and the only thing you can say is ‘Ilya.’”
“Ilya,” Shane smiled wetly, his eyes going misty. “Okay. So we’re really doing this.”
“Yes.”
“And there are guests I assume?”
“Of course.”
“And you chose this music this time?”
“I did.”
“And Anya is here somewhere I assume?”
“Yes, she has little booties and a jacket on so she stays warm. Is very cute.”
“And you wrote vows?”
“Several.”
“And you are sure that I wrote vows?”
“Yes, because you have been muttering them around our house for the last two weeks.”
“And you didn’t tell me about the plan for any of this becauuuuuuse?”
“Because I love you,” Ilya replied simply, bringing Shane’s hands up to his lips so he could leave a trail of kisses along his husband’s knuckles. “You did not mention it after we got up that day, but I could not stop thinking about marrying you again. So I asked our friends to help us do so. Is not big, just our family and friends and I thought we could do family skate afterwards with everyone. But is enough for me as long as you are there. Is it enough for you?”
“You are enough for me,” Shane found himself saying earnestly, stepping forward to kiss Ilya with as much emotion as he could muster before he continued. “Anything else is just a bonus.”
“Good,” Ilya smiled simply, his own eyes just as wet. “Go get dressed, I will see you on the ice, yes? I’ll be the one at the end of the aisle.”
“Okay,” Shane agreed with a warm laugh, stepping away and looking at Ilya lovingly, forcing himself to turn around and enter the locker room so he could get on the ice faster and marry his husband for the second time.
“There you are!” Yuna huffed as soon as Shane entered the room, her and Rose jumping up from where they had been waiting. “What took you so long?”
Without answering, Shane stepped forward and pulled the two women into his arms, holding them both tightly as he swallowed down the lump in his throat, grateful when neither woman mentioned that his shoulders were shaking with barely controlled emotion.
“Who is with Ilya?” Shane mumbled into the top of Yuna’s hair, sniffling loudly in the quiet space as they all stepped back, giving Shane room to tug Rose against his chest as the pair laughed around their thinly veiled tears.
“Your Dad and Svetlana are with Ilya. He’s well taken care of, sweetheart, don’t worry.”
“Okay,” Shane answered, looking around the room and catching sight of a suit bag hanging in his stall. “I really am so lucky that he’s my husband aren’t I?”
“You really are, Shane, so you’re welcome for the gay awakening,” Rose teased, and with that the three of them burst into laughter, smiles wide and hearts full as two of the people Shane loved most in the world helped him get ready to marry his husband once again.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Shane found himself looking around in confusion when he realized he didn’t see dress shoes nearby.
That was until Rose rolled her eyes at him and pointed at the skates hanging behind his head as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world.
“Am I really getting re-married in skates?” Shane asked disbelievingly, though he supposed it made sense considering they were at the rink.
“Shane, do you hear yourself?” Rose sighed, shaking her head as she stood up to hand Shane said skates, bending down and beginning to unlace the right one, just the two of them now as Yuna had gone to take her seat a few minutes earlier.
“Thank you for being here,” Shane said in place of acknowledging the emotions in his chest, moving to do the same with his left skate and smiling softly that his best friend knew him well enough to not interfere with his superstitions.
“Where else would I be?” Rose countered, looking up at him with a smile. “If I had been shooting I would have taken a sick day, but luckily for me they don’t need me back on set until Monday, so I was able to come here no problem.”
“Are there a lot of people here?” Shane asked, gaze focused on his task so as not to belay his nervousness.
“It’s a much better mix,” Rose noted, placing a tender touch to Shane’s knee. “Much smaller, just the ones you two are really close to. Ilya did good, and Harris, Svetlana and I have done our best to help. It’s nothing crazy, just you two love birds being adorable as usual.”
“As usual,” Shane huffed, though he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as he did. “I never thought I’d get this to be honest with you. Still feels surreal that he’s my husband.”
“I bet,” Rose hummed easily, pulling Shane’s right shoe off and slipping his skate on for him, the latter content to let her do so, knowing she missed doing this for her brothers because she had told him as much.
“What about you? Is there anyone in your life these days?” Shane asked, seeing Rose’s cheeks colour, though she made no move to open her mouth to explain what exactly that look had meant, the pair settling into a comfortable silence as she deftly tied his skate just the way he liked, having listened to him lament about the right amount of pressure enough times on the phone to be able to do it without thinking.
“Okay there, all done. You look perfect, Shane!” Rose squealed as she rose to her full height and pulled Shane up to his, admiring the view and motioning for Shane to do a spin, the man in question complying, though he found his cheeks heating at the attention.
“You 100% picked out this outfit didn’t you?” Shane questioned, though the question was unnecessary with the look of absolute pride that was painted across Rose’s stunning features.
“Yup, and Ilya’s! Now let’s go, you have a husband to re-marry!”
Following Rose out of the locker room and down the tunnel towards the ice, Shane found his breath catching as he took in the sight that awaited them, rows of chairs lined up around the center dot filled with their friends and family, lights twinkling like stars in the night across the glossy surface, and a beautiful lattice arch standing adorned in lilies in the middle of it all.
And there underneath it, Shane swallowed around the blockage in his throat as he took in the sight of his husband, Ilya standing in his skates and a gorgeous burgundy suit with black accents, a small smile spread across his features as he registered Shane’s presence at the edge of the surface, Harris doing the same where he stood beside Ilya, apparently the one who would be officiating this ceremony.
Looking down, Shane smiled at Rose, realizing belatedly that she was suddenly also wearing skates, though he wasn’t sure when she had even pulled them on. Holding his arm out, Shane motioned for her to step through the gate, following right after and accepting her outstretched arm, smiling once more when he realized that she was going to be the one skating him down the aisle.
“Thank you for everything. This is already perfect and it’s just started,” Shane whispered as the two began moving, Shane smiling out at the crowd as he took in the sight of almost the entire Centaurs staff and roster in their seats, along with his parents, Svetlana, Cliff, Dray, some of Ilya’s former Bears teammates, the Pike’s, Scott and Kip (no cane as of yet), Erik and Kyle, Ryan and Fabian and all the coaches from their summer camp.
Kissing Rose on the cheek as they reached the end of the aisle and split apart, Shane skated towards Ilya with a warm smile on his face.
“Hi,” Shane said softly as he came to a stop in front of his husband, watching Ilya take in the sight of Shane in a black custom suit with burgundy accents, the pair a perfect yin and yang.
“Hi,” Ilya answered just as softly as he took Shane’s hands into his own. “Is this okay?”
“It’s perfect, Ilya. You are perfect.”
“You two are so cute it’s disgusting,” Harris sighed, pulling a laugh from Shane and Ilya, as well as all their guests.
“Says the man who makes out with his husband in the locker room more than we do!” Ilya retorted haughtily, pulling a smile across Shane’s cheeks.
“We never make out in the locker room?” Shane pointed out, raising one eyebrow as his husband simply huffed.
“Yes, is tragic,” Ilya sighed, pursing his lips. “Maybe this should be divorce ceremony since you clearly don’t love me.”
“You’re right, Ilya,” Shane laughed once more, shaking his head as he did. “You have my heart, my soul, my body, my mind, my family, my friends, my house, and my last name, but you’re right, I don’t love you at all.”
“Is very big of you to admit this, Shane,” Ilya nodded appreciatively. “Thank you, we may remain married for now. Also, was my house first, but yes.”
“Thank you for your grace, your honour,” Shane played along, though he couldn’t keep a straight face as he did as he and the audience collectively burst into laughter.
“Well everyone, I’d like to officially call this re-wedding to order then,” Harris started warmly, smiling at everyone seated around the rink. “Thank you to everyone for coming on such short notice. Speaking on behalf of all of us, we’re really lucky to be able to call you all our friends.”
“Shane, Ilya. The two of you have a bond like no other. I always wondered who it was who made our captain happy whenever I’d see Ilya smiling down at his phone all those years, but learning that it was you, Shane, made everything fall into place.”
“You two are such a beautiful couple. You challenge each other to be better, push each other to the limits, and love each other in a way that makes me grateful to know you both. You are already married so we don’t have anything formal to do, but I do know you two wanted to share some vows as you reflect back on your last year as husband and husband. Shane, would you like to go first?”
Nodding once, Shane squared his shoulders, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in, holding it for a brief moment before releasing it and opening his eyes to find Ilya watching him with an expression that made Shane’s heart skip a beat.
“Ilya.”
“I’ve thought a lot about my vows since we decided to do this, but I don’t think I realized how hard it would be to put into words how I feel about you,” Shane started, gulping audibly and looking down until Ilya squeezed his hands and pulled his gaze back up.
“I could tell you how much I love you, but I assume you know that already. I could tell you how happy I am to be married to you, but I think I do a pretty good job of showing you that regularly. I could tell you how much I love our life together, and our little family of three, but considering we talk about it practically every night, I assume you know that too.”
Stopping momentarily to let the audience trail out their laughter—his husband included—Shane subconsciously rolled his shoulders back as he psyched himself up to continue.
“But more than that, when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, I realized that the number one thing I wanted to say was thank you.”
Pausing to smile softly at the confused expression that took hold of Ilya’s face, Shane squeezed his husband’s hands to ground himself, grateful when the gesture was returned without hesitation.
“I don’t think I thought there was a world in which someone like me would get to be loved,” Shane continued, watching Ilya’s expression morph through a series of emotions in rapid succession before settling on one filled with pain.
“When I was a kid, I didn’t really get along with other kids. I was too quiet, too focused, too…weird I guess. I never had a birthday party growing up because I knew no one would ever come, so what was the point in being disappointed?”
At that, Shane chanced a quick glance at David and Yuna, seeing their eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears, the three uncomfortably well versed in what it had been like for Shane growing up.
“As I got older, that distance from others became more obvious. I started getting scouted really young, so while other kids were on the playground and having sleepovers, I was learning to skate on my edges and answer questions from the media. I was already the weird kid, but it turns out that even being pretty fucking good at hockey wasn’t enough to make people like me.”
Stopping to collect himself, Shane frowned, wishing in part that he had brought a piece of paper to read from now that he was getting nervous, but also finding himself grateful that he had spent the last two weeks outlining and re-outlining exactly what he wanted to say.
“I figured out I was different—figured out I was gay—in my early teens. I didn’t want people to hate me more than they did, so I avoided looking at anyone of the same sex, always showered on my own, just tried to remove myself from any situation in which I could make myself or anyone around me uncomfortable. It felt easier than admitting to myself what I was.”
Looking back up at Ilya, Shane found himself momentarily stunned at the look of utter despair that had taken root on Ilya’s features, never having told him what he was saying currently, seeing Harris mirror Ilya’s expression out of the corner of his eye.
“I saw the way other people loved each other, and I didn’t think I would get that. I mean, how many people do you know who cut the tags out of their shirts, and can’t function without a routine, or need things put back a certain way or they’ll have a meltdown? It’s weird, and I know it’s weird.”
“It’s not,” Ilya interjected softly with a firm shake of his head. “It’s not weird.”
“Shush,” Shane chided, pulling a laugh from both his husband and the crowd.
And a moment later, Shane found himself laughing as Ilya pulled one hand from their shared grip and mimed a zipper being pulled across his lips, throwing the faux key over his shoulder much to the amusement of their friends.
“Thank you,” Shane huffed, shaking his head to try and clear his mind so he could continue, though his heart felt lighter and Ilya had only said 5 words.
“I truly had given up on the idea that I would ever find anyone who would love me,” Shane continued, making sure to look Ilya directly in the eyes as he did. “And then I met you.”
“The first time I heard your name was from my agent. He was talking to Mom and I about who I was likely to go up against in the draft. I didn’t know anything about you at the time, so I looked you up and…fuck.”
At that, everyone in the crowd started laughing again, a gentle dusting of blush creeping across Shane’s cheeks at the sound, though he was grateful to see Ilya laughing along with them, noting the wetness behind his husband’s eyes and forcing himself to not break eye contact as he continued.
“You were so good, Ilya. So good. The first time I watched tapes of you I knew that you were going to go first in the draft. You had such a physical presence on the ice, your shot was lethal and you carried yourself like you were an NHL superstar. I admired that about you so much and I knew I needed to introduce myself.”
“What I didn’t realize,” Shane blushed once more, “was just how beautiful you were. When you looked up at me and I saw your eyes, I was so blown away I forgot what I was trying to say. I’m awkward on the best of days, but shaking your hand was the most uncomfortable experience of my life because it just confirmed to me that I am in fact, very gay.”
“Shane!” Ilya barked in surprise, tilting his head back as laughter rolled through his shoulders. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Shane parroted easily, glad to see the smile stretched across his husband’s features. “I really hate to be cheesy and say it was love at first sight, but also…”
“It was same for me,” Ilya confirmed softly, immune to the “aww’s” from the crowd, too focused on Shane to even register the sound. “But was freckles for me, not eyes. Though I love your eyes too.”
“Excuse you, since when are we doing joint vows?!” Shane scolded, though he followed his words up with a blinding smile that shut Ilya up naturally, the man too blown away by the beauty that was Shane Hollander to protest.
“As I was trying to say,” Shane teased, finding it easier to continue now that he and Ilya had fallen into their natural banter, “was from the moment I made eye contact with you I knew I was done for. So when I got the call that CCM wanted to do a shoot together I reacted very calmly and absolutely did not spend two days panicking trying to decide what to wear, even though it was a commercial in which they’d be giving us outfits. Not a word, Ilya!”
Holding his hands up in front of his chest, Ilya pushed his lips together to stop himself from cooing audibly at the admission, his heart so warm Ilya was sure he was about to combust from the inside out.
“That first night after the shoot, when you gave me your room number, I was terrified,” Shane admitted as he picked up where he left off, shuffling from side-to-side as the nerves started to creep back in. “You were so handsome and confident and cocky and I was…”
“Perfect,” Ilya interjected, not letting Shane finish his sentence. “You were perfect.”
“I was nervous,” Shane corrected, though his eyes had gone soft at Ilya’s words. “I knew that I wanted to go, that there was almost nothing that could have stopped me from going to your room. But I was also really fucking scared that you’d see how much of a loser I was and never want to speak to me again. So I decided I’d go and tell you that we couldn’t do anything because I didn’t want to embarrass myself. And then you kissed me.”
“I…” Stopping, Shane mulled his next words over in his head, in part because his parents were a mere seven feet from where they were and he still wasn’t super comfortable talking about his sex life with them, but in part because honesty of this variety was scary.
“The moment you kissed me, all the loud noises in my head went quiet. My head can be a lot sometimes, but with you that noise just…vanishes. From the very first night you’ve always taken such good care of me. I think about that first time and how I started folding my clothes out of habit and how embarrassed I was to be in a hotel room with the hottest man I had ever seen folding my pants before getting naked like a lunatic.”
At that, Shane stopped once more, taking a look out at the laughing crowd and finding himself overcome with emotion at the tears he saw reflected in so many eyes, and the broad smiles he could see reflected on so many others.
“But when I turned back to look at you,” Shane continued, mimicking the action of his words so he was back looking into Ilya’s eyes, “instead of judgement like I expected, you were smiling at me. Like I was normal. Like it wasn’t weird what I had done. Like I was enough.”
“You are enough. Exactly as you are,” Ilya said seriously, skating closer to Shane so he could put his hands on Shane’s waist. “You have always been enough, moy lyubimiyy.”
“Maybe,” Shane agreed, smiling at his husband. “But only because you helped me be enough.”
“Shane…”
“Ilya, I love you, but please shut the fuck up.”
“Okay, okay,” Ilya grumbled around the laughter of the crowd, feeling the corner of his lips pull up as he took a step back. “Shutting up.”
“What I am trying to say is that the moment I saw you smiling at me I felt safe. I had never felt that way before and I’ve never felt that way with anyone else since.”
“I’ve been in love with you for 12 years, Ilya, and that feeling of safety has only gotten stronger, because I’m safe to be myself with you, weird habits and all. I’m safe to cry in front of you. I’m safe to be competitive with you. I’m safe to bitch about people who annoy me with you. But more than that, I’m safe to ask for things with you. I’m allowed to ask for love when I need it. I’m allowed to ask for space when I need it. I’m allowed to ask you to do something differently and have you agree, but I hardly ever have to because you always know exactly what I need before I do.”
“I didn’t like Shane for a really long time,” Shane continued, though he found his voice suddenly getting tight as tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. “But this Shane? The Shane who is married to Ilya? Who gets to spend his life with his best friend who he never thought he would find? This Shane is my favourite version of me, and it’s only because this Shane gets to spend the rest of his life with you.”
“So,” Shane said around his tears, smiling when Ilya hiccuped around his own sobs, “today the only thing I want to say is thank you. Spasibo, chto vybral menya, Ilya. Spasibo, chto dayosh' mne ponyat', ya - to chto nuzhno. Spasibo, chto s toboj ya chuvstvuyu sebya lyubimym i pod zashchitoj, i vsyo samoe luchshee i dobroe. Ya lyublyu tebya, Ilya. Bol'she chem est' slov eto vyrazit'. (Thank you for choosing me, Ilya. Thank you for making me feel like I was enough. And thank you for making me feel safe and loved and everything good. I love you, Ilya. More than I have words to express).”
“Oh Shane,” Ilya sobbed, pulling Shane forward until he was fully ensconced within his arms, smattering kisses across the top of his husband’s head before leaving a trail down his forehead, across his cheeks, down his nose, along his chin, and up to his lips where Ilya left one, two, three quick kisses, smiling at the salty taste from their combined emotion. “I love you more than anything, moy schastye.”
“I hate you two so much,” Harris declared from their side, the pair pulling apart to see Harris dabbing at his eyes with the vibrant handkerchief that had been tucked into his suit pocket. “Shane that was so beautiful, what the fuck dude?”
“Was it okay?” Shane asked after his own laughter subsided, turning back to look at Ilya who was in the same position as Harris as he dabbed at his own eyes.
“No. It was perfect.”
“Okay, well, now that we are all crying already, Ilya, do you want to continue?” Harris asked, the pair looking at their friends and laughing as they took in the sight of everyone wiping their eyes, the sniffles echoing around the otherwise quiet arena.
“Yes,” Ilya confirmed after another minute of exchanging loving looks with their guests, releasing Shane’s hands to reach into the inner lining of his jacket and pulling out a piece of paper that he handed to Shane. “Is funny though, Shane. We are very similar, as usual.”
“What do you mean?” Shane questioned, frowning down at the folded piece of paper before him.
“Open it.”
Frowning once more, Shane slowly moved to unfold the paper, turning it right side up when he noticed the words were upside down, barking out a surprised huff of laughter as he took in the words at the top of the document.
“Thank you to my husband?” Shane laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkling as he did. “Did we seriously both write thank you vows to each other.”
“I think so, yes,” Ilya smiled, his eyes looking at Shane so tenderly that Shane barely suppressed the urge to cup Ilya’s face in his hands and smother his husband in kisses, the crowd around them the only thing keeping him from doing so. “I do not need the paper though, I have them memorized. You can put it away.”
Moving to do just that, Shane quickly tucked the paper back into Ilya’s jacket, smoothing down the front of his suit as he did before pulling Ilya’s hands back into his own and taking another deep inhale, steadying himself for the words that were to come.
“Moy lyubimyy,” Ilya began, his voice beginning to shake even before the last syllable had slipped past his lips.
“When I was a young boy, I lost a part of my heart,” Ilya started heavily, smiling gratefully as Shane squeezed their joined hands to ground them both. “When my mother died, a part of me died with her.”
“For a long time after, I did not know who Ilya was. I was young and afraid and alone in a house with people who did not love me. If it was not for Svetlana, I do not know if I would still be here.”
Pausing, Ilya turned to look at said woman, the two sharing a longing look that was filled with pain and a shared understanding of all they had endured.
“When I came to North America, I was scared,” Ilya admitted, frowning slightly. “I did not speak English well, there were no other Russians on the team, my mother was dead and my best friend was back home in country that did not love us. I thought maybe I would be alone forever, but then I met you.”
“You walked up to me when we were just kids and my brain became goo. You shook my hand and I could not speak because I was staring at your beautiful freckles and your warm smile and your eyes that did not look at me with hatred,” Ilya shared, his voice shaking with emotion. “My team hated me. They were jealous I think. And they hated my Dad, so they hated me. I had whole team around me, but no friends. No one who asked me how my day was or reminded me to take care of myself. And then you came up to me in cold Canadian winter and told me not to smoke because it is bad for me. It was so annoying. I loved it.”
Smiling, Shane found himself blushing, his mind slipping back to that cold December morning and to meeting the man that would become his forever.
“I did not know then that the man with the beautiful freckles would become the reason that I breathe,” Ilya continued, smiling sadly to himself at the look that crossed Shane’s face, a mix of happiness and heartbreak in equal measure. “The world said we were rivals, but I always thought we might be soulmates.”
“Wait, you did?” Shane asked in surprise, leaning forward on his skates.
“Yes,” Ilya answered easily, releasing one of Shane’s hands to cup his cheek instead. “How could I not love you, Shane? You with the beautiful freckles, with the big heart, the only man who can challenge me to be a better player? The man who took care of me when no one else did? Shane, I was goner for you the first time I saw you. Everything after has just been very nice bonus.”
“Yeah,” Shane agreed, eyes going starry as Ilya continued.
“All my life I have never been enough. Too lazy. Too cocky. Too loud. Too rich. Too…everything, this is what people tell me. Women like sleeping with me, but only to say they did. Men are jealous of me for being famous hockey player, and my family hates me for what I am. Is lonely to be this way, Shane,”
“But with you…” Ilya trailed off, a single tear slipping from the corner of his lashes and tracking itself down his reddened cheeks. “With you I feel safe. You looked for me when no one else did. You asked me if I was okay when other people didn’t bother. You made me feel like I matter.”
“You do matter,” Shane interjected, pulling Ilya closer so he could bring his hands up to Ilya’s cheeks. “You matter so much, Ilya. So much. The world is a much better place because you are in it. Please don’t ever forget that.”
“Oh, moy solnyshko,” Ilya sniffed loudly, dropping his head against Shane’s as he did. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”
“Ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu,” Shane answered without hesitation, tilting his face up so he could plant a lingering kiss on Ilya’s forehead. “So much, Ilya.”
Closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath, Ilya centered himself on Shane’s breathing, the close proximity of Shane’s presence bringing his heart back under control within moments.
Steadying himself, Ilya opened his eyes once more, looking to his left and finding the crowd watching them with so much warmth and sadness in their eyes that Ilya momentarily forgot how to breathe. How lucky he was to go from being alone to being surrounded by so much love.
“I did not think there was a world for me in which I was not alone,” Ilya continued sadly, pulling away from Shane so he could see the entirety of his expression. “I did not think I deserved more than that. So I pushed you away. Slept with other people. Avoided you because I did not want to ruin the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. But you would not leave me alone, Shane. You kept coming back. You made your way into my chest and built a home beneath my heart.”
“I thought when my Mom died, that I would never be whole again,” Ilya admitted, his eyes going misty. “But you helped fill up my empty spaces. I can never get my mother back, but until I see her again, I know I am safe with you holding my heart.”
“So to you, I want to say thank you,” Ilya said softly, tears steadily rolling down his cheeks. “Thank you for thinking I was worth something. Thank you for finding me in the darkness. Thank you for loving me when no one else did. And thank you for bringing me a family and a home and a happy ever after. I love you, Shane. Now and next year and every year after. And when we are dead I will find you in the afterlife and introduce you to my mother and then we can be together there too.”
“Oh you fucking asshole,” Shane cried, throwing himself at Ilya the moment his final words left his mouth, smashing their lips together and kissing Ilya with so much passion that Ilya was certain his husband had sucked all the air from his lungs. “That was fucking beautiful, Ilya, what the fuck?”
“Is point, yes?” Ilya asked around his tears, rubbing the tears off of Shane’s cheeks with his thumbs, though they were so quickly replaced that Ilya immediately stopped trying. “I love you, Shane.”
“I love you so fucking much I don’t know what to do with it,” Shane answered honestly. “I love you more than the sun, the moon, and the stars, Ilya. Fuck, I love you so much. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“Hockey too?” Ilya asked, laughing wetly when Shane frowned in confusion, clarifying a moment later. “Do you love me more than hockey?”
“Learn your place,” Shane teased, though the words were barely out of his mouth before he corrected them. “Yes, Ilya. Of course I love you more than hockey. Hockey, we’ll have that until we’re 40 if we are lucky. But this? Us? This is forever. You are my choice today and every day, Ilya. That’s a promise.”
And because the English language was escaping him around the swelling emotion in his chest, and because Ilya was nothing more than a kid at heart, he simply held up his pinkie and smiled when his husband took it without hesitation.
“Forever,” Ilya eventually said as Harris encouraged the pair to seal their re-wedding with anothe kiss, the pair pulling each other closer and doing just that to the whoops and cheers of the people they loved most in the world.
“Forever,” Shane agreed. “And then for eternity after that.”
“Sounds perfect, dusha moja. I cannot wait.”