Chapter Text
Feeling alone was not new to Rocky. Having spent 47 long years in solitude (Earth years. They seem to always be counting in Earth measurements now) with nothing but the cold quiet of space for company made them a bit of an expert on the subject.
The depth of that isolation was cruel. Existence in total darkness was their normal pace of life, but experiencing loneliness without expiration was much darker and colder than they could withstand. Bleaker than the unending abyss of space they drifted in. There were moments when they thought they might have gone completely insane - moments when the idea of continuing their desolate and ceaseless orbit around this foreign star didn’t seem worth it any longer. A part of them had been fundamentally altered by that time, warped and twisted in a way that they weren’t fully understanding of yet.
The isolation now is different. It is not unremitting or ringed with an unsolvable, extinction-ending puzzle. Rocky should be thrilled! There was a way to save Erid, to save everything they held dear that laid on its surface. In just a few short years, they would arrive a savior on their planet. A reunion with Adrian, whom their very being ached for, loomed on the horizon.
There would be no more solitude, no more fear. After delivering the taumoeba that Rocky and Grace had risked everything for, their mission more than half a century in the making would be complete.
Grace. Rocky’s soul twisted in pain at the thought of their beloved human. Ten years alone was nothing to nearly five decades, but without Grace each day carried the weight of an entire century.
When they had separated to make for their respective worlds, Rocky knew a bit of themself had gone along with Grace. There was no way to make themselves whole again without him.
Rocky had little else to do on the journey home but to ruminate on their feelings for the strange alien. By Eridian standards, Grace was horrifying. With no exoskeleton to protect his organs, his squishy, vulnerable flesh was constantly on display. There were no less than seven openings on his face alone - constantly leaving his internal systems open to attack, from any number of threats. And there were hundreds, if not thousands, of threats capable of harming humans - just on the Hail Mary!
Grace needed a carefully balanced diet of specific nutrients several times daily, or he would fall ill. He voided his waste even more frequently, to avoid bodily malfunction. Not enough sleep or he would become cranky (and stupid). Too much sleep and he was unfocused all day (and stupid).
If it was too hot, his systems would shut down. If it was too cold his systems would shut down. He would complain about the temperature either way. By all accounts, Grace was a disgusting, fragile, needy being that was so evidently lesser than any Eridian.
Rocky knew better than that. Grace’s body was fragile, yes, but it was capable of movements theirs was not. He was quite dexterous - the flexibility of his limbs allowing him to complete maintenance in hard-to-reach corners of the ship. Grace’s skin - what once was a disgusting, exposed organ to Rocky - now seemed plush and smooth. It was so different from their own rough and hardened exterior, and they longed to be able to feel its soft give directly.
Rocky adored Grace’s voice - they could listen to him talk for hours, rambling on about whatever he pleased. His voice was not capable of producing the layered notes of an Eridian, and with a flat tone, most of their species might find it boring. After months listening to it, Rocky could pick up on its' fascinating oscillations.
The pitch undulated based on Grace’s various (and numerous) emotions. When he was gushing about a scientific breakthrough, it shot high with excitement. When he rose from sleep, it was rough and low - Rocky like the crackling of that one the most. When Grace wanted to share a "secret", he dropped into a soft, hushed tone. As if they weren’t the only two beings on the ship. Rocky even had quite the fondness for Grace’s warbling, fluid-drenched inflection he adopted when leaking from his face openings - a common occurrence when visiting the Don’t Go Crazy room.
The thing that most captivated Rocky - that made Grace a singular being in their metaphorical eyes - was his mind. Oh, how incredibly smart their human was. Rocky thought they might stay trapped in Tau Ceti’s orbit forever, unable to crack the code of its astrophage resistance. Until Grace. Swooping in with hypotheses Rocky could never have imagined, the Earth scientist had done what they could not for years, in a matter of months.
Rocky had never connected with an individual so quickly as they did with Grace. Even with Adrian - their beloved mate, a soul-bound connection - their love took decades. It was an incredible, worthwhile slow-burn - a candle flame turned to a roaring fire. With Grace, it was immediate.
Their minds worked in tandem, syncing so fast Rocky might have imagined it as a hallucination contrived by their isolated brain. If not for the mark they had left on Grace. Showing proof of his physicality, proof of their bond. Evidence of the brief moment their lights had overlapped - an explosive collision.
Rocky felt adrift now, without that light. They had become used to orbiting another. Orbiting Grace. Two binary stars, gravitationally bound together. Was this how Erid felt as the light of its star dimmed? Cold, alone and unfulfilled?
Distracting themselves from the Grace-shaped void was difficult as the sole inhabitant of the ship. Puttering around, making sure all systems were operational, and the taumoeba were breeding as normal, could only kill so much time.
During the onset of their journey, the mused, tinkered, sat in complete silence doing absolutely nothing. It was boring. Despite their previous experience with boredom, they couldn't help but become listless. Until Rocky realized there was something that could fill their time. Something with a near-endless capability for amusement. Grace’s gift to them - the human-thinking-machine! Their trill of excitement let out upon this realization could have rivaled Grace’s exclamations.
Grace may not be there anymore, and Rocky’s heart may never be whole again. The grief would persist, but so would they. Learning more about Grace’s planet and culture would help them feel close to humanity. It would let them imagine what his happy life would be like once he landed back on Earth. And if that was as close as they could get to him now, well, it was better than nothing.
*****
A few days passed before Rocky figured out exactly how to handle the human-thinking-machine. Terrified of accidentally destroying it and severing their remaining connection to Grace, they proceeded with extreme caution.
They devised a sort of xenonite “sleeve” to place the machine in, allowing for safe operation and preventing it from exploding under their environmental conditions. The sleeve also contained a built in crystal linked directly to Rocky’s “seeing” tablet, making up for their lack of human eyes.
The internet alone (this captured version of it) contained an overwhelming amount of stuff. A website called “Wikipedia” seemed to hold almost every facet of human knowledge. Rocky made great strides in their cultural understanding of Earth there. Wars, violence and discrimination were rampant. So were love, music, poetry and nature.
Beyond Wikipedia, Rocky found websites for everything - photos of various Earth animals, nauseating lists of all the things humans could make with food, and how-to guides on perhaps every problem a human (or non-human) could ever face. They now knew the American Kennel Club's breed standards, how to make chicken cordon blue, and the correct way to change the oil on a 1998 Ford Fiesta.
Right alongside the endless knowledge, there were endless depictions of naked humans. Rocky soon discovered this was called pornography, and humans were, frankly, obsessed with it.
There were websites dedicated to every distinct category of human mating habits imaginable, and some that were unimaginable. Niche sites for hand-drawn porn (hentai, apparently) were everywhere, and featured…things that scared Rocky, if they were being honest. Grace had said humanity was largely afraid of alien encounters. Rocky wasn’t so sure fear was the correct emotion.
It was baffling. Why were humans so obsessed with looking at this stuff? Human sexuality and gender was covered extensively during their Wikipedia deep-dives (talk about information overload). Masturbation was of course mentioned, but it seems Rocky didn’t quite grasp how important pleasure was to humans. Sex took up a great deal of the human brain. It was a wonder they got anything done.
This research, of course, had Rocky’s thoughts drifting back to Grace. If he thought about pleasure as much as all these other humans seemed to. They were certain that couldn’t be the case. Preoccupation with science and discovery took over most of their human’s beautiful mind. Rocky couldn’t even recall Grace ever mentioning a word about sex, beyond the general overview of human biology. He certainly never masturbated - Rocky would have heard.
Not that Rocky would judge. Eridians mated outside of egg-laying, solely for pleasure. It was not exceptionally frequent, and never without a mate. Creating self-pleasure - it just didn’t make sense to them. So much about humans did not.
Deciding that was enough human porn consumption for one day (and for one Eridian-length lifetime), Rocky closed the web browser. Their exploration of the human-thinking-machine, however, was not quite over. It came pre-loaded with hundreds of files and programs, and Rocky was itching to explore them all.
Using a software called “Ableton” has been a lot of fun for Rocky. Humans were capable of producing such Eridian-like noises with their machines. If the website called "YouTube" was to be believed, they really enjoyed listening to this type of sound. Rocky thinks they could become quite a popular “disc jockey”, if they ever were to visit Earth. Perhaps an erotic icon as well.
They started aimlessly scrolling through the stored files. Movies, recorded birdsongs, assorted .mp4s, .jpgs and .mp3s were all jumbled together. Rocky was about to turn back to their budding DJ mixtape when something caught their attention. A folder simply named “G_Ryland_Cam”.
Ryland? Wasn’t that Grace’s first name? Grace had explained the concept of his multiple names, but Rocky both didn’t quite understand. Grace sounded better regardless. Befitting of the savior of two entire worlds. The saving grace.
Rocky had no idea what “cam” was meant to signify. Perhaps some sort of military designation back on Earth? A scientific term they had yet to hear of? Further investigation was obviously required.
Clicking open the folder cleared up nothing. Populating the screen were dozens of .mp4 files, all with equally strange names. Things like “Apr 2_Ovi”, “Jun 5_DP” or “Sep 17_Solo”. Rocky clicked one labelled “Feb 21_Vibe”.
A new window popped up, auto-playing a video. The figure on the screen appeared to be kneeling on some sort of soft surface. Maybe a bed? They had short cropped hair, sticking up from various angles, glasses and a mask covering their mouth area. Rocky had no idea who this was. Or why there was a video of them on this machine.
That mystery was solved as soon as they started to speak.
“Hey guys, thanks for joining again. I’ve gotten a lot more viewers since last time and I really appreciate it. Just remember - you’re funding a poor guy’s education!”
Rocky would recognize that voice anywhere. Even through a poor-quality video played over a tinny speaker, the soft melodies of Grace’s voice were easy to pick up.
So this was a video of Grace. He was talking about viewers? Paying for something? Rocky’s confusion only grew, so they watched on.
“Today I have something new I want to try out. A little deviation from the norm,” video-Grace said, giggling a bit. “It was a Valentine’s Day treat to myself. I hope that’s ok with you all.” Rocky didn’t get to hear Grace’s giggle often. It was lovely.
Something seemed off about Grace in this video. He appeared different, but Rocky had trouble figuring out how. The mask that obscured his face and poor sounds quality made it challenging. Maybe he appeared to be a bit younger? His voice certainly sounded higher-pitched.
On screen, Grace took out something, and showed it to the camera. It was small and oblong, with a tiny hole on one end. He pressed something on it and it seemed to start…vibrating? It was clicked off just as quickly, and set down.
Video-Grace started to run his hands up and down his body. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day,” he says, pushing his hands underneath his shirt, “I’ve been so stressed, studying for exams, grading papers. I need to relax.”
Grace’s voice sounded so breathy. Why did he sound like that? Rocky watched on, completely lost.
Grace removed his shirt, revealing two small mounds underneath. He proceeded to rub his fingers across the nubs on his chest (nipples, Rocky’s brain helpfully supplies) and let out a small whimper. The noise is not something Rocky had ever heard come from their human before. It’s a low, pitiful sound. Rocky loves it. They also now know with complete certainty what kind of video this is.
Lacking the ability to slam it shut, Rocky dropped the computer so quickly one might think it really did burst into flames. The video kept playing.
“Nngh - that feels so good,” video-Grace continued to moan on screen, still thumbing at his nipples. He began sliding a hand up his neck, slipping it under his mask, and into his mouth. “Keep touching me, just like th-,” Rocky scrambled to hit pause, completely mortified.
They had consumed enough human pornography in the last few hours to understand. This was a pornographic video. A porno. A porno of Grace.
A million questions circulated in Rocky’s mind. The human idiom one might use to describe this is that their “thoughts were racing.” That didn’t seem compelling enough. Their thoughts were sprinting a million kilometers per hour, so fast they were in danger of igniting a friction fire. Rocky certainly felt like they were about to go up in smoke.
Grace had filmed porn. And if the contents of that folder were anything to go on, it wasn’t just this one video. There was a lot of it.
Why would he do that? Were other humans watching this? He had mentioned something about “viewers” so Rocky assumed so. There was also a mention of paying for Grace’s education? He had been getting paid for these videos.
But Grace was a scientist. Not a porn star.
The concept of having multiple professions wasn’t foreign to Rocky. They knew Grace was both a molecular biologist and teacher. And now a pilot, engineer and Earth cultural ambassador. Add porn star to the list. How many jobs did one human need?
Rocky still wasn’t sure of the impetus for these videos, or why they were on this human-thinking-machine. They did know one thing - there was no way they could watch the rest.
While humans seemed to be obsessed with pornography, Rocky had also surmised it was also deeply shameful. The humans who made these videos were not held in very high regard, judging just by the video comments alone. It seemed quite rude to them - why ridicule the ones who were catering to the viewer's needs? It seemed obvious that if other humans didn't like the content, the just shouldn't engage with it. So much about humans was quite contradictory.
Recent Earth cultural knowledge withstanding, Rocky surmised Grace would probably not want them watching these videos. They were probably intended to be private - especially since it seemed that Grace attempted to conceal his identity with the mask. Rocky knew they would never meet again, but that didn’t mean they wanted to betray his trust.
Closing the video and file window, they resolved never to look at them - or think about them - again. Grace deserved that much.
******
Rocky would identify as “strong-willed.” They liked to be in charge of a situation. Withstanding social and emotional pressure on Erid was hatchling’s play. Hell, they had (mostly) kept their sanity during a grueling 47 year isolation.
But when it came to Grace, their will might have been made of paper. They couldn’t stop thinking about the videos. Pacing around the ship for hours, they studiously avoided the thinking machine’s resting place. As if it might start playing Grace-porn if they stepped within feet of it.
It was beyond the “why?” and “how?” now. Rocky assumed the reasoning for the videos’ existence was beyond their current comprehension. Now, all their curiosity had transformed into an all-consuming need to watch them.
Grace’s high-pitched moans played on loop in their head. A torturous, unskippable refrain. Their normally orderly mind did not seem to belong to them anymore. It belonged to video-Grace, and his stupid, beautiful whimpers.
The thing was, Rocky was not entirely sure why they were so desperate. After consuming hours of human pornography, they generally concluded it was anthropologically enlightening, but pretty disgusting. A lot of it was downright disturbing. Rocky had no inclination to watch other humans mate.
The only answer was that Grace was different. That was Rocky’s human. The one they had bonded with, cared for, saved. Rocky would say they certainly loved Grace. Of course, the love was different from the love they felt for Adrian. They loved Grace, but didn’t desire him. They were a completely different species, that would be absurd. Right?
The more Rocky mused - on the videos, Grace, Adrian, and their overall desires - the more they felt like maybe they should watch the videos. If only for research purposes. To better understand how they felt - maybe even to better understand Grace. Watching one single video wouldn’t be too bad, would it? Plus they had already started it, so it was really like half a video.
Dubious rationalization of the decision complete, Rocky booted the device back up. Reopened the file finder, and clicked open the video. There was a moment’s hesitation before clicking play. No going back now.
“-at,” Video-Grace’s moans immediately filled the air. Still kneeling on the bed, he looked erotic. Tousled hair and soft chest on display, one hand still played with a nipple.
Grace’s right hand cupped his chin, his two forefingers having disappeared under his mask. He had started to suck on them, evident by the wet, slick sounds pouring out of the speakers. Rocky should be disgusted. That was definitely not the right word for their current emotions.
The hand that had been massaging his nipple moved downward slowly, thumbing the waistband of his underwear, before slipping inside. Another wet moan rang out, muffled by the fingers in his mouth. The slick sound increased in volume.
After a few moments of this display, Grace took the fingers out of his mouth, running his hand down his body. A wet trail followed in its wake. Rocky wanted so badly to follow that trail with his claws.
“Time for the main attraction,” Grace said, voice husky after choking on his own fingers. Rocky shuddered. “Sorry for teasing. I like to make sure I’m nice and ready for you guys.”
The person in the video was so different from the Grace that Rocky knew. Besides sounding younger - he was so assured. Shameless and lithe, making every movement a performance.
Rocky knew Grace to be confident only in the context of their scientific discussions. Normally, Grace was anything but graceful - tripping over his own feet, or getting stuck in his shirt when changing. He was goofy, often making exaggerated hand gestures when describing concepts from Earth to Rocky. He loved to tease, and pretended to put up a fuss when Rocky insulted his intelligence. They knew he enjoyed their playful banter.
Their Grace was not sultry. Or sexy. Or erotic. Or dozens of other adjectives Rocky could use to describe him in this video.
On screen, Grace’s right hand joined the other at the top of his boxers. Then he pushed them down, tossing them away.
Legs laid in front of him now, he lent back and spread them wide, exposing a wet, plush slit laid between. Two fingers framing this seam, he parted the folds, showcasing the viscous strands of wetness that stretched across the newly revealed opening. A vent of steam erupted from the top of Rocky’s carapace.
Rocky learned a few things at that moment. One, that Grace must be what the human internet referred to as “transgender.” Two, Rocky was absolutely, without a doubt, into this.
“Ohhhh my god, I’m so wet,” Grace gasped out. His head was tilted back, muffling his voice slightly and exposing the long column of his throat. Rocky couldn’t lick it - they had no tongue. That fact didn’t stop the desire to from bubbling up.
Grace’s fingers circled his hole, smearing the wetness around before plunging two of them inside. Rocky noted he was purposefully ignoring the raised nub at the top of his opening - which he knew to be called the clitoris. It was extremely sensitive, and Grace’s looked to be very aroused.
He thrust his fingers in and out of himself, making the most obscene shlick sound Rocky had ever heard. His moans continued, rising in pitch. They were interspersed with whimpers and blabbers - gibberish fragments of “So good”, “more” and “faster”.
So consumed with every movement Grace made on screen, Rocky had completely forgotten the item from the beginning of the video. Until the other one of Grace’s hands appeared in frame, holding the device, and clicked it on.
The object made a soft buzzing noise, indicating its vibrational state. Rocky briefly wondered what Grace was going to do with it. Push it inside himself? Massage his outer body?
Taking the side of the device with the small hole, Grace pressed it right against his clit. He wailed, back arching up violently. “Ffffffuck that’s amazing!”
Rocky had never heard Grace use human swear words before. They supposed this took place in a time before Grace was in charge of hatchlings. Plus, people seemed to swear a lot in porn. He was clearly committing to the genre.
Enraptured, they watched as Grace writhed on the screen, continuing to hold the device up against his clit. He kept his other fingers inside, pushing in and out, eliciting cries of pleasure. Grace’s voice sounded so delightful. Rocky would have listened to it forever.
“Oh please, I’m gunna come, please don’t stop,” Grace begged, picking his head up and gazing at the camera. Rocky could see wetness on his face - he was crying. Grace had described that sometimes humans made “good tears.”
These must have been very good tears indeed, as seconds later, Grace let out a high-pitched “Shit!” and his legs convulsed rapidly. Rocky watched as fluid gushed out of the opening, coating his fingers.
After a few moments, Grace went completely still, body collapsing on the bed. He let go of the toy, no longer vibrating, letting his hands fall akimbo. Rocky watched as his chest rose and fell, breath escaping him in heaving gasps.
Eventually, Grace’s breathing returned to normal, and he sat up, looking at the camera. Glasses askew and hair even more mussed than normal, he looked adorable.
“Wow. That was fun - I hope you all enjoyed it!” Grace said, addressing some nebulous audience. “I appreciate everyone who left tips - it means a lot. I’ll be back next week with another stream, and uh, remember, if you’re a subscriber you can send me a request! I do private videos too. Thanks!”
Rocky watched as he sat up and lean towards the camera. Then the video ended, frame going black.
Well. That was certainly enlightening. Rocky was reeling, processing all the emotions that had come to light during their viewing experience. They sat back slowly, lowering themself to the ground.
As their body touched the floor of the ship, they felt something peculiar. Wetness.
They trilled out, trying to sense what was going on. Realizing what it was, Rocky froze in shock. Mercury. Their ventricle seam was open slightly, and a trickle of mercury had dripped onto the floor beneath them.
They were turned on. From watching the video of Grace masturbating. Holy shit.
Rocky’s legs all but collapsed under them. They had gotten aroused, something that only ever happened to an Eridian with a partner - a mate - over Grace. Not even being physically with him either - just watching a janky recording of him from who knows how long ago.
The last time Rocky had been aroused like this, it was with their actual mate Adrian. They felt the cogs click into place. What they had been questioning for the last few days seemed glaringly obvious now. What they felt for their weird, squishy, smart, glorious human was clear. Rocky desired Grace - wished to mate with him. Protect him, love him, care for him for the rest of his days.
The euphoria of this realization was almost instantly shattered by the overwhelming grief that washed over them. They couldn’t do any of those things. Because Grace was currently on his way back to Earth, a planet millions of light years from Erid. They would never see each other again.
The gravity of Rocky’s despair pushed down upon them, hard. Why couldn’t they have realized this sooner, when their human was still within reach? Now, all Rocky had was their memories of being with Grace. At least Eridians had perfect memories - his likeness would never fade from their mind.
Exhausted from the oscillation of emotions in the last few hours, Rocky curled up on the floor. Sleep was always terrifying without someone to watch them, but it was as unavoidable now as it was during their decades of solitude. At least in sleep, they could avoid the pain of their separations. Rocky relaxed, and welcomed unconsciousness.