Work Text:
Before I knew it, the wind touching my cheeks was cold.
Even though no air condensed on my breath yet, the season was steadily flowing toward winter.
The faint sound of a broom sweeping fallen leaves grazes the corners of my ears.
A leaf, having fallen all alone from the tree planted nearby, is trampled under foot.
Rustles.
As it crumbles with a sound, it resembles that little guy quite a bit.
At that, I quietly lift my head to look up at the sky, which is dyed redder than the autumn leaves barely clinging to the tree.
So much happened to us that it could not be summarized in a single sentence.
No, perhaps it might even be difficult to condense it into a single book. In the process, we died, resurrected, died, and were even reborn, and it seemed as though we had grown even further away from being human.
However, that fellow still wanted to remain human.
After everything was over, he vanished without a trace and disappeared somewhere. But it was obvious that this stupid bastard would be there.
I rolled the binoculars to point at the location I had in mind, and the guy came into view as he is panting and lifting himself out of bed.
Being in such an easy-to-find spot made it feel less like he genuinely thought I wouldn't know and more like he was throwing a tantrum to be found.
He gulped down the water on the bedside table and wiped away his cold sweat.
Right. Kim Hyun-sung still has nightmares from time to time.
I haven't looked into the specifics of the content, but I could easily guess it without even trying to find out.
The root of his guilt.
The sin of time, where even if he wants to be forgiven, there is no one left to forgive. It'll probably be the first round.
His guilt was still eating away at him.
Even though he had saved the continent by enduring destruction and even returning to the past after a long and arduous time, it did not stop gnawing at himself.
On the contrary, he acted as if he could die right then and there without consequence.
Yet, he did not choose death.
Perhaps he thought he had no choice since the life was given to him by me.
In truth, perhaps he simply lacked the courage to give up his current happiness.
You damn punk.
Maybe it's just his way of calling me.
Because he's there right now and having a hard time.
It's just him whining, asking me to come and comfort him.
Because he's a bastard who really can't bring himself to die.
Ugh. Seriously.
I'll have to go again, damn it.
It seems he needs my touch, just like when he was stuck in his subconscious before.
A month is really generous.
It is the general consensus in the Blue Guild that he has been let loose for along time, even for a vacation.
Dissatisfaction with Kim Hyun-sung is slowly building within the guild as he acts with his whole being, neglecting the slightest of his duties as Guild Master.
It is about time to take care of him and bring him back.
I never imagined he would break down to this extent.
I stood up and picked up the cloak hanging behind me.
It was time to go pick up the disobedient puppy.
This level of depression can be managed with moderate care.
Slowly passing through Heren as the sun sets, I enter a small village in the suburbs.
As I walk a little further away from the village, I spot a tiny hut large enough for a family to live in.
In a place that would normally be completely deserted, there is a sense of life somewhere within.
Naturally, that is because Kim Hyun-sung is in here.
I turned my binoculars to check his location and saw him walking past Heren,appearing as if he had just stepped out for a moment.
In his hands, he was holding a paper bag containing enough bread for two people, along with some groceries.
The sight of him shopping so normally, without drawing his sword,was somehow incredibly impressive, so I watched him quietly for a moment before suddenly snapping back to reality.
This is not the time for this.
You have to pretend you've been waiting as long as possible.
Squat down in front of the door, leaning your head to the side, and extend your outer leg.
Wrap your arm around the bent leg and shiver gently as if feeling a bit cold.
If you just quietly pretend to close your eyes like that...
"...Kiyoung?"
I hear Kim Hyun-sung's voice coming in through the yard.
Rather than opening my eyes immediately, feeling as though I hadn't fully come to my senses at once due to being worn out from exhaustion, I wait for a moment until he calls me one more time.
"Kiyoung."
"yes."
It was only natural that I flinched slightly, as if I had finally heard the guy's voice.
Slowly lifting my bowed head, I gently turned my face while still leaning to the side to check who had called my name.
'Hyung is still half asleep. He is still groggy. He has overworked himself. The Guild Master has been away for a month, so he's on the verge of dying from overwork.'
He blinked his stiff eyes a couple of times.
He put his luggage down where he was standing and strode toward me.
Soon, when the distance between us had narrowed to about a step, I looked at his face and gave him a faint smile.
As if saying I'm glad to meet him.
But now, relax.
"...Hyunseong."
"Kiyoung... what brings you here? Ah... first, please stand up from the seat..."
Although he wears an uncharacteristically flustered expression, there must surely be a corner in his heart that is glad to see me.
Otherwise, there is no way he could have failed to hide the corners of his mouth turned up like that.
He supports my body, which feels weak from drowsiness, and helps me up.
Slowly leaning on him to stand up, I look him in the eye, and our eyes meet.
Smiling gently just as usual.
"It's been a month."
"Ah... yes. It's been a while."
He also looks this way with a faint smile.
It's off to a good start.
I could just coax him back to the guild like this... but when I actually face him,the smile on my face cracks slightly.
Why is this guy so skinny?
I'll subtly bring up a notable anomaly.
"Have you... been well? You seem to have lost a little weight."
"...I have been doing well. You are the one who has lost a lot of weight,Kiyoung. I wonder if the guild is treating you poorly...."
That's all because you were negligent.
"Haha. No, not at all. It's just... there's been a lot of work one way or another. Both the Guild and the Order."
"Ah... I'm sorry. I was away for too long..."
What do you even know?
However, I shouldn't blame him.
After all, isn't this the place where both he and I have our own history and memories?
I've decided that soothing him nicely and taking care of his mental health as much as possible will make it more convenient to use him in various ways in the future.
After all, Kim Hyun-sung is the most powerful card I have.
So, right now, it is just right to tell him what he wanted to hear the most.
"Haha... How could that be your fault, Hyunseong? You've worked so hard all this time, so you deserve to rest a little."
"......."
"Really. Thank you for all your hard work."
"......"
Having heard the words he had longed to hear from the person he trusted the most, the guy could not hide his surging emotions and let them show right through his eyes.
His eyes became bloodshot, and tears welled up precariously,looking as if they would fall at any moment.
That must mean he is truly backed into a corner.
Looking at him, I scratched the back of my head with a slightly weak and awkward smile.
Authentically and harmlessly.
"Haha... I didn't mean to make you cry...."
As if these words acted as a trigger, tears finally streamed down his cheeks.
The hand gripping my shoulder tightened.
"...Ah. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I... You say I've suffered? Kiyoung... You are the one who has truly suffered... You are the one who deserves to enjoy this...."
Oh my. Did our Hyunseong really think that? He's not wrong, actually.
I did raise one timer well.
Carefully raise my arm to pat his back and whisper words of comfort.
"If it weren't for you, Hyun-sung, no one would have been able to save the continent. It was because it was you that you saved the continent. It was possible because it was you, Hyun-sung, and not just anyone else."
Honestly, saying nice things this much is about right...
"No... no. It's not me... it's you, Kiyoung, who accomplished this. Everything...everything... It is... too much even for me."
"No. It is the future that Hyunseong deserves to enjoy."
'In moderation....'
"...I am not qualified."
"......."
"I am not worthy to live the future, Kiyoung."
"......."
It was the reaction I had anticipated.
It was a thought I already knew from reading the instruction manual.
However, hearing it directly from him somehow amplifies the shock.
It seems his depression was a bit darker than I had anticipated.
Dark enough to dare utter such words even to my face, after I had promised to give him a future.
If you don't deserve to live, there's no one on this continent worthy of living,you bastard.
I didn't bother to stop my voice from turning cold due to the rising irritation.
"...Why do you think that?"
"......."
However, Kim Hyun-seong did not give a proper answer; instead, he removed his hand from my body and examined me.
Receiving my slightly trembling voice and my body still shaking, he soon took off his cloak, draped it over my shoulders, and patted them a few times.
"...Should we go inside and continue? Kiyoung, you are trembling right now."
Soon, he went to retrieve the luggage I had brought earlier, then approached the door again, opened it familiarly, and invited me inside.
Feeling inexplicably uncomfortable, I glared at him out of the corner of my eye, brushed past him,and headed inside.
Kim Hyun-sung's cabin was no different from when I last saw it.
Aside from a slight warmth seeping in, really, not the slightest bit had changed.
After placing the bread bag and groceries on the table, the guy moved as if accustomed to it and picked up a match.
One might expect him to bring in at least a luminous pearl, yet he still lights candles and stokes the fireplace.
The only thing illuminating the darkness is the candlelight—like him, flickering but never going out.
As if everything would stand still and remain exactly as it was if he were removed from this place.
As if daily life would continue just as before, as if nothing had happened, even without him.
Well done.
Let's see just how far you can go.
The sight was utterly unpleasant, so I leaned against the cold door, crossed my arms, and observed him almost glaring at him.
Soon after, he took a cup from the cupboard, boiled water, and brewed tea.
As expected, he seemed to have anticipated my arrival; unlike before, he showed no signs of nervousness.
Only after placing the cup filled with tea on the table did he flinch in surprise and look this way, as if he had just realized I was still standing against the door.
The blue fur on his cloak tickled my ear.
"Kiyoung, it's cold. Please come inside and sit down."
A calm invitation follows.
Without bothering to take off his cloak to emphasize that I was cold, I went and sat down where the cup was placed.
I simply held the cup with both hands and said nothing.
Kiyoung is hurt, you know.
The premise is that the soft-hearted Light Ki-yeong was hurt by Kim Hyun-sung's words earlier.
I even wears a pained expression, conveying that I felt I will never be able to shake off this burden unless I am told why he came to think that way.
As a bonus, I bites my lip slightly and lowers my gaze, showing signs of self-reproach like, "It's my fault for not noticing you were having such a hardtime."
Looking through the binoculars, the guy's flustered face comes into view.
Now, just be honest.
We even confessed to being time travelers here,remember?
"Um... I think what I said was too sudden."
"......."
When I didn't answer, he clasped my trembling hand together to try and calm me down and continued speaking.
"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, either... but I got carried away."
That's such a cliché excuse. I need to be tough on you here.
"...Then are you saying you thought that way all along? That Hyunseong isn't qualified? That he has no value in enjoying the future? Why?"
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry."
As he said that and lowered his head, he seemed to have lost his confidence and was consumed by self-reproach.
Crushed by the guilt weighing on him as well as the self-reproach for making me uncomfortable, he looked as if he were about to burst into tears again.
I wasn't the type to just sit by and watch.
Damn it, who ever cries first wins.
I have to squeeze tears out of this bastard before he starts crying.
"I... I told you I would give it to you. I told you I would give you the future,Hyunseong... *Sob*. I... I told you I would give it to you, Hyunseong. So why...why aren't you worthy? *Sob*..."
"Ki... Kiyoung... I'm sorry. Don't... please don't cry."
The flustered guy suddenly lifted his head and started to comfort me, but I stared straight at him without even wiping the tears that filled my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.
"I knew... I knew. hngh,that Hyunseong... sometimes has nightmares. Because our souls are connected."
It wouldn't be strange even if we roughly dreamed together.
"no way...."
"It's not all of it... but sometimes... I see those fragments too, Hyunseong."
I mostly saw it through Kasugano Yuno, though.
"Kiyoung, what you mean by that is..."
"That... is the first timeline, right? It's the painful time you went through...*sob*... the time you've passed through, the time that only you remember."
"......."
At those words, he shuts his mouth.
His eyes, darting around unable to focus on a single spot, and his trembling hands and jaw reveal just how flustered he is,even without looking through the company lens.
But I must not stop here.
I needed to provoke him a little more to dig out that guilt.
It's the so-called treatment.
It's good if he rely on me more, too.
"Please... answer me, Hyunseong,"
"...Yes. That is correct. That scene of hell... is the first time I went through."
"Then all the more... all the more, Hyunseong, shouldn't you be the one to enjoy this future, this happiness? Aren't you the one who deserves it? Why are you so pessimistic about yourself? Why... why... *sob*... like... you're someone who will leave us...."
Here, bow my head and let the tears fall.
"......."
"Are you... going to leave? Everything has finally become peaceful... I asked if you were going to leave my side."
"No way. You can't leave. You have to stay by my side forever."
"......."
He came silently to my side, knelt down quietly, and slowly looked up at my face, placing his hand on my knee as if to comfort me.
I stared at him for a moment, then slowly stroked his head and face while speaking in a low,murmuring voice.
"It's not... it's not Hyunseong's fault. I'm telling you, it's not... Hyunseong's fault. Hyunseong is one of the victims, too."
Actually, you must have done something wrong. How could you not have done anything wrong?
"......."
Hyunseong, you didn't do anything wrong.
"......."
"Really...."
I said you didn't do it.
"......."
"......."
"...sorry."
What, you bastard? The direction was certainly good, executed perfectly without the slightest awkwardness.
However, the guy still kept his door locked.
Rage welled up, so I tried to look into his mind through the company setting, but I absolutely could not read anything related to the first round properly, as if shrouded in fog.
It seems he is unconsciously blocking access.
Damn it...
"...Hmph."
"Please don't cry... I'm sorry."
"I'll carry it for you. I'll be with you. So...."
"......."
"Please don't say things like you're not qualified.".
'How the hell can I push that?'
"......."
"Hyunseong...."
"......."
"...Hyunseong."
I have to make him explain the incident from the first round himself.
Finally, he lowered his head, avoided my gaze, and let out a sigh.
It was a good sign that he was about to make a big decision.
Perhaps I could hear it right now.
"... sigh."
"......."
"It will be... a long... story."
"It's okay."
The longer, the better.
Because there will be plenty of material for me to bind you with.
"You might be disappointed in me, a pathetic and cowardly person. No... you will definitely be disappointed."
There's no way I would be disappointed in my lovely time traveler.
Kim Hyun-sung's hand, resting on my knee, trembled as if he were anxious.
I slowly lowered the hand I had placed on his head and held his hand tightly.
He looked at me in surprise, and our eyes met.
I gazed at him intently and smiled gently with tear-filled eyes.
"...Everyone is like that. I promise. I won't be disappointed in you, Hyunseong."
The guy chokes up and makes a face that makes it hard to tell if he is frowning or on the verge of tears.
"How can you be like that every time, Kiyoung...."
"...Because I am a companion whose soul is connected to yours, Hyunseong."
"...That's right. Companion...."
In the end, Kim Hyun-sung lowers his head.
That is a sign of surrender.
I inwardly cheered.
He continued to fidget with his hands, turned his head this way and that after lifting it up again, bit his lip, and moved his adam's apple a few times before finally opening his heavy mouth.
"I mentioned the first play through tutorial before... didn't I? And a few other incidents that took place in the first play through... as well."
"Yes. About the brigade... the war... and the end of many people."
"..."
"Actually, there are things I haven't told you."
Yeah, that's exactly it. What I want to hear right now.
"Yes. Because you couldn't say everything, and there was no need to."
"I appreciate you saying that, but... it was just my selfishness. It was my cowardly wish not to let Kiyoung find out... not to disappoint you, and not to be abandoned."
"......."
"...I'm..."
"Yes, Hyunseong."
"I am...."
"yes."
"...I am a murderer."
"...Huh?"
Here, flinch as if you're a little surprised.
I could see that he flinched at my reaction and looked flustered.
Perhaps due to nervousness, he began trembling uncontrollably, starting from his arms all the way to his lips.
It also seemed like he wanted to pull his hand away from mine.
"It wasn't just to survive, to protect... it was... *Gasp*... *Haa*...."
Kim Hyun-sung began to show sudden abnormal reactions, as if he were seeing a hallucination of that time.
It seemed only natural that I needed to calm him down first in order to hear his story.
I took his hand, lifted it, and pressed it against my forehead as I spoke.
"Hyunseong."
"Haa... Haa... Haa...."
"Hyunseong. It's okay. Among those who have gone through the tutorial, it's rare to find someone who hasn't gotten their hands dirty at least once."
However, the guy instead starts breathing heavily and sobbing.
"Hoo... Hm... Hmph. That... That's not it.... That, that wasn't... it wasn't like that."
Then what the hell is it? What on earth is it that's making him act like this?
As he brushed back his bangs with one hand, which were slowly becoming damp with cold sweat, his smooth forehead was revealed.
Even his pale face was sculpted and handsome.
Even in this situation, this bastard's face was working overtime.
Then, what happened?
"Sob... Hmph... Haa... Probably... probably... it must have been for political reasons. It was after the war between Celia and Lindel had ended... Hmph... That shouldn't have happened... That shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done that."
"......."
The war between Celia and Lindel. It was the first war Kim Hyun-sung told me about. Unlike his remark that it didn't take long to end, it seemed something had happened to him afterward.
For some reason, I had a vague feeling that I knew what he was trying to say.
'Surely not this bastard...'
"Every day... every single day, an assassin came looking for me. Hmph...hmph... I wasn't even free to eat. I suspected everyone, and life didn't feel like living. I might have been going insane just like that."
"......."
At that time, he must have been in his mid-20s at most. No matter how much experience he had gained from war, it is not surprising that someone with such a weak nature would develop paranoia after inheriting the guild and being harassed by assassins. Or rather, was it actually just a delusion? Surely, there must have been assassinations carried out by members of the guild itself.
"Then someone came to find me."
"......."
He could not bring himself to speak and swallowed his tears. The tears he could not completely swallow began to flow down his face.
"They said that if I just agreed to the 'cleaning,' I could receive power...Hmph... Cleaning... Yes. Cleaning...."
"Cleaning...."
"I thought that if I had power... I could protect Lindel... the adventurers in Lindel... No, it's all hypocrisy. It's a lie. I... I actually wanted to live. I just wanted to be safe. I wanted to trample on the lives of others who had nothing to do with me to enjoy my own peace... without even properly knowing what that meant."
"......."
"Haa... Hng... Ugh... Ugh... Hng...."
Soon, he turned his head away from me and gagged uncontrollably. It was nothing more than an act to vent pure disgust, with nothing coming out.
In the process, unlike when he tried to pull his hand away earlier, he gripped mine tightly this time, as if it were a lifeline. As if I were about to leave. As if trying to prevent me from ever leaving.
I waited quietly for him to calm down, then opened my mouth. Strangely, a warm voice would not come out. The piglet's final moments flashed before my eyes.
"...What was the cleaning?"
"Haa... Haa... Cleaning... Cleaning is...."
"What was the cleaning? Hyunseong."
"......."
"......."
After a brief silence, his voice comes out.
"It was the scene of a massacre. I... was the commander. I was a murderer with neither the authority to stop them nor the power to give orders... merely someone who got covered in blood alongside them. I... killed them. I consented to it. I cast a vote of approval for that massacre. I... I drove them to their deaths."
Yeah... fuck.
Kim Hyun-sung of Lindel. The bastard who agreed to that crazy plan to wipe out an entire city.
"......."
I can feel myself trembling just at the mere thought of that word, to an extent I cannot even understand. I have absolutely no idea if the emotion welling up inside me is anger, betrayal, or something else entirely.
I bit my lip tightly.
Before I knew it, uncontrollable tears, which I had been trying to squeeze out, began to flow spontaneously from my eyes.
Kim Hyun-sung continued speaking, as if he had not noticed my state.
"I still remember. The request sent by someone in Rachel... begging for my mercy. I... I am powerless... Even so, powerless, I had authority. The authority to consent. Haha... I had the authority to represent Lindel. To my foolish self. Ugh."
"Yeah... damn it, if Kim Hyun-sung had any fault, it was just that he was incompetent. On top of that, he was stupid. Yet he had authority beyond his station.
"I understand him. I decided to understand him, and from the start, I had been separating the first and second timelines with quite solid reason. But for some reason, my hands tremble as my emotions surge violently, beyond mere wavering.
The tears won't stop. Strangely enough, my physical reactions do not obey my mind's control.
I closed my eyes and quietly called his name.
"Hyunseong."
"I... I am already unqualified just for that. From there... everything started. All...every disaster began with that. Just because I cleaned up the mess I made... can that... can that be atonement?"
"Hyunseong."
"I... I already... They already... The one I need to atone to is already... I mean,there is no one left."
"Kim Hyun-sung."
"They... and that incident are already gone... Who is to take this sin...."
"Just as you said, it's an event that no longer exists."
My reason, having reached that conclusion, naturally argued for the innocence of the second Kim Hyun-sung, but I simply couldn't stop this pounding heart.
My head was spinning. What on earth are these thoughts? Is there some residual thought from the first timeline here? Is it mixing with me right now?
'1st Ki-young, that fucking bastard...'
I suspect that Kim Hyun-sung telling me about the cleaning in the first timeline might have been the trigger that awakened my lingering thoughts. After all, that is the only reason the lingering thoughts left behind by the first Ki-young could have possessed me.
Right now, I cannot tell if I feel sorry for him or resent him.
However, I cannot let go of both Lindel's Kim Hyun-sung and my lovely regressor from my mind, and I want to possess them all. I want to bind him with the sins he confessed and keep him by my side.
If the body does not obey the control of reason, there is only one way. It conflicts with a shock greater than that. Fortunately, there was something suitable nearby.
I mean, there's nothing we can do about this.
I held Kim Hyun-sung's face with one hand, lowered my head, and kissed him.
We pressed together quietly for a moment, then I opened my mouth slightly and lightly licked his lips. Startled by the sudden kiss while he was crying in despair,his lips parted slightly. As I gently pushed my tongue in, something warm touched me, sending a rough, bumpy sensation to the tip. Our tongues, having briefly touched and then pulled away, soon intertwined slowly. Tears trickled down his cheeks and seeped into his mouth. The sound of his already hurried breathing, the tapping of lips, and the squelching of saliva lingered softly around us.
Have you returned a bit now?
There were some minor side effects, but before I knew it, I was able to stop my tears under the control of reason. Carefully pulling my mouth away, I pulled one hand free from his grasp and stroked his hair as I spoke affectionately.
"...I."
"......."
"I forgive your sins."
"ah...."
"O Returnee of Altanus."
"Ah... uh... uh... *sob*... *sob*...."
This worked. This is done.
He seemed dazed by the sudden kiss, but then burst into tears again at my next words. He then slammed to his feet and hugged me tightly, almost desperately, as I sat in the chair. In his arms, I whisper in his ear.
I will give you the future.
I just need to embrace his sin by wrapping it up with a saintly stance, giving the impression that I shed tears out of empathy for his guilt.
It had been a long time since my shoulder had soaked in like that.
Soon, his body moved, and our eyes met again. Within those eyes, overflowing guilt and unextinguished emotions burned.
I don't think I can afford to be soft.
Kim Hyun-sung is practically begging me for permission.
Honestly, I was somewhat prepared.
I already knew that the feelings he harbored for me were more than ordinary friendship or brotherhood. There may have been things like reverence and awe,but there were certainly romantic feelings and lust within them as well. Given that I possess the absolute characteristic of the "Company Theory," the very notion that I cannot read his mind is preposterous.
So I prepared adequately, too.
I had even considered a last resort if he refused to listen, but after listening to him, it seemed I needed to shift my priorities slightly. If this bastard's guilt dared to be greater than mine, then imprinting my presence on him was the priority.
Keeping him by my side was the priority. So he could never escape. So he wouldn't even dare to think about leaving without my permission.
I closed my eyes.
Kim Hyun-sung carefully lifts me up, and his arms wrap around my waist. Our lips meet.
A completely unrestrained tongue seeks permission for its invasion,and I grant it. As I open my mouth, he begins to devour me, desperately or perhaps vulgarly. His tongue, having touched the roof of my mouth, plunges deep into the flesh beneath it, then licks as if to melt my teeth, greedily ravaging the inside of my mouth.
He continued kissing me like that as he led me somewhere. The destination was as expected. I feel the touch of fabric brushing past my knees. Our lips part,and a soft cushion wraps around my back.
"Haa... haa...."
I let out a shallow breath, perhaps because I had caught my breath without realizing it. The guy who had been trapping me between his arms stared at me intently, then let out a dying gasp like "Ah..." as if he had finally come to his senses. A surge of resentment welled up inside me as thoughts drifted through my mind.
You bastard... You came all the way here and dare to try to run away?
I grab the hand of the guy who dared to try and run away, and with the other, I pull out a potion I had brought. Colorless and odorless, just a slippery, viscous liquid. It was an object too embarrassing to even call a potion, but in many ways,it was something that would protect my HP.
Damn, I wasn't originally planning to use it now...This was truly my very, very last resort. But to think I'd end up bringing it outright from the start. After all, what I'm about to do isn't a romantic act involving the emotional exchange between lovers, but merely a means to hold onto him. If that's the case, it would have been better not to be in pain at all.
Considering that both he and I have reached divine status, perhaps this is a process of 'assimilation' between us, whose souls are connected. Yes. It's like a ritual where I accept his guilt and dilute it. Or perhaps I might even develop a special ability.
Fuck...Sensing that I was nervous, he stopped pulling his hand away and looked at me. Our eyes met again. I hurriedly averted my gaze and showed him the sticky potion that barely shook. I didn't stop him from biting his lip and said nothing,but unless Kim Hyun-sung was a eunuch, he must have realized the significance of pulling this out at this moment. His eyes widened. He looked back and forth between the potion and me, then his mouth parted slightly.
"Ah... Kiyoung. This is...."
"...Do you... not want to?"
"Ah... no. It's just...."
"......."
"......."
"......."
"Are... are you okay? I... even if it's just me. I mean... I'm asking if you would be okay with... you and... me... even if it's just you."
"......."
"Please let me know if you are uncomfortable in any way. I... I'm fine. I mean...um... I can endure it."
The way his Adam's apple moved seemed to speak of the anguish between his desire to seize the immediate opportunity and his feelings for me. In truth, Kim Hyun-sung's mind was a complete mess. I speak with a faint smile.
"...It's okay."
"ah...."
Deliver a decent line here.
"It's fine, Hyunseong... we're a pair, after all."
"......."
We're soulmates, you know. Our souls are connected. A physical connection is nothing.
As I met his eyes again, muttering words I didn't know who they were directed at, they trembled slightly. Soon, a slightly trembling hand took the potion from mine. And no sooner had our eyes met than our lips pressed together. Excited breaths escaped, and the heat from our mouths passed between us. A wet,squelching sound began from our mouths and invaded our ears.
"Honestly, I don't really like the idea of me getting pinned down."
But considering the company setting, what could I do when the only thing in his head was me getting dominated? Since we were both men to begin with, it was unlikely that imagining anything other than that would be easy.
"Kiyoung."
He calls my name in a low voice. No. It is only because of his face; if it weren't for that look, I might have thought his voice was sticky and greasy. I quietly responded with a nod. He kisses me briefly once again. The thoughts coming through the connection perceive this situation hazy, like a dream.
I quietly reached out and stroked his hair, then caressed his neat forehead and traced my fingers over his sharp nose and red lips. It was as if to say, "So this is what you look like."
I carefully moved my hand and brought my palm to his cheek. His slightly unfocused, vacant eyes were the highlight.
Anyone can tell I've fallen for you right now. The mood is insane.
I'm actually grateful that he still uses candlelight instead of a luminous pearl.
The flickering light must seem to be expressing my emotions. Kim Hyun-sung'seyes, facing me, waver slightly. Inside, joy and doubt are mixed together, making it pure chaos. For the first time in his life, he was grateful for his own face, and he soon takes my hand that is touching his cheek and kisses the palm.
"When I'm with Kiyoung... I really feel like I've been apologized for. Yes. Really. It's truly fascinating, yet..."
'You little brat. It's finally starting to work.'
It seemed like he was gradually seeing the effects of fighting hard. I could feel his mental state returning. Of course, that didn't mean he could stop this behavior right now, though.
Thank you always.
"I... I'm always grateful, too. We... we are soulmates and companions... so I rely on you a lot, Hyunseong."
So pull yourself together and come back.
"I... that is what I should be saying. I've always... been avoiding... and so busy running away... always rushing to dump the burden on you, Kiyoung..."
"Please don't say that. It was you who saved me, Hyunseong. And furthermore,it was you who saved the world. I still... truly love the sunset we watched together."
'Sunset Swordsman, you bastard, snap out of it and stay by my side.'
"......."
"Because Hyunseong is my time traveler."
You're mine.
"......."
Kim Hyun-sung's body leans toward me, and he pulls me into a tight embrace.
He hugs me so tightly it feels like I might be crushed, yet I do not break. I don't know whether to praise his delicate control of strength or scold him for being stifling. Amidst this stifling feeling, his breath touches my neck, and before a syllable can escape his lips, the neck touching me vibrates.
"Yes... because I am Kiyoung's time traveler."
"......."
"This is truly the last time. If this moment passes, I don't think I will be able to hold back any longer. I knew I lacked self-control, but I don't want to burdeneven you, Kiyoung. Are you really... okay?"
This bastard is ruining the mood now...
"......."
"......."
"...Yes,Hyunseong."
With those words, my voice was swallowed by his mouth. I turned my gaze and met a flame burning blue and golden. And...... ... .With this, I came to the conclusion that, for some reason, this relationship is quite satisfying. In this situation, Kim Hyun-sung's mind is truly filled with me,leaving no room for guilt or anything else to creep in. In short, it is a state where the sword I poured the most effort into is entirely mine, free from the anxiety of it leaving me.
It's not necessarily bad to be lovers; just maintaining a FWB relationship wouldn't be that bad.After catching my breath for a moment, I turned toward him and reached out my hand toward his head. Soon, I pressed my forehead against his and whispered quietly. That is to leave him a glimmer of hope.
"...It wasn't bad. I mean, in many ways... we are companions and soulmates,after all. Even if it was just for a moment, I felt like our souls were intertwined along with our bodies..."
It's total bullshit, but.
"Ah... Kiyoung...Kiyoung."
"Hyunseong... you felt it too, didn't you?"
There's no way you could have felt it.
"Yes... yes. I... I felt it. Our souls interlocking... yes."
The lie-fling is insane.
"I... I know this might sound harsh... but... could I... check one more time?"
Since things have turned out this way, let's seal the deal today. Let's join our guild hand in hand tomorrow.
"...that statement."
One more time....
"......."
The guy, with his eyes wide open, watches me cautiously as if trying to figure out my true intentions. I gaze at him quietly, then slowly close my eyes, and our lips meet again. I don't know how long my stamina will last, but the night is not yet over. I closed my eyes, feeling his hand gripping my waist gradually move downward.
I opened my eyes with a sense of urgency that I had woken up later than usual,only to find the room still pitch dark.
It must definitely be past 9 a.m.
It is a time when it should normally be blindingly bright. Kim Hyun-sung,whom I distinctly remember sleeping next to me yesterday, is not there. I blinked a couple more times to get a proper sense of the situation, only to find the curtains drawn. It seems he wanted to get me to sleep properly.
Still, it's better to have a window.
As I pulled back the curtain to let in the light, Kim Hyun-sung's voice came from the kitchen, as if he had heard the sound.
"Kiyoung? Are you awake?"
"...yes."
My voice, completely hoarse, cracked and wouldn't come out properly. I looked around first, then got up to find a bathroom to wash up. Then I slumped back onto the bed.
"Haha. Damn. That can't be true."
I sat up again. I slumped onto the bed.
"Fuck... It's not like I'm an outdated heroine or anything, what is the point of this?"
I strained my legs and lower back to get up, but instead of heading to the bathroom, I went to where my pockets were. I had to survive first, after all. It seemed like that crazy bastard Kim Hyun-sung hadn't shown the slightest consideration for my back. Only after pulling out every single potion—fatigue,energy, stamina, and endurance—from my pocket and doping myself with them all was I finally able to walk normally.
I found the clothes that would have soon been crumpled into a mess, but to my surprise, they were neatly folded. It seemed to be the work of Kim Hyun-sung.
Thinking that if he had devoted even half the care he showed from those clothes to me, I wouldn't be in this much pain, made me resent him even more.
I washed up with a sense of annoyance, only to come out to find a savory scent spreading through out the cabin. After roughly drying my hair with a simple spell,I headed toward the source of the smell wearing only a shirt and pants. It was the kitchen. I pulled out a chair at the table without a word, sat down, and watched Kim Hyun-sung cooking.
Unlike his usual attire, the sight of him wearing a rather loose shirt gave off a distinct feeling. It was a strange sensation, as if he and I were the only one stranded to another world, completely detached from everyday life. For some reason, I felt a pang of nausea. The sight of his arms moving busily, the shirt spreading across his broad back, and the morning sunlight shining down upon it all looked excessively peaceful.
What if I try to stay like this?
For some reason, a sense of unease naturally followed. Then, was all my effort yesterday in vain? Of course, it wasn't entirely bad, but I am not someone living for sexual desire; the act performed yesterday was merely a means to an end. Yet,the possibility of failing to achieve that goal... a sense of unease scratches at my brain.
Without even knowing what I was thinking, he nonchalantly served the stew and sat down opposite me.
This damn handsome bastard first thing in the morning.
"I apologize for not being able to treat you like you would in the guild."
He scratches his cheek as if embarrassed. Still, perhaps because he was bothered by what happened yesterday, the way he couldn't easily look at me looked kind of cute. I slowly lifts the spoon in front of me and opens my mouth.
"No, actually. It's nice to be reminded of the old days. After all, Hyunseong,you're a great cook. Was it the party to welcome me back then? That stew you said you made with Heeyoung was really delicious."
So let's go back.
"...You are too kind."
"I mean it."
"Haha... Hearing that from Kiyoung, I suppose... my years weren't entirely in vain after all. It's hot, so please eat slowly."
"yes."
He said that, and without picking up the spoon in front of him, he watched as I scooped a spoonful of stew into my mouth. I felt a momentary pang of spite at the tension in his expression, as if he were a contestant presenting his food to judges on a cooking show, but even to my palate, which was accustomed to fine dining, that stew was simply delicious.
"It's delicious."
At the short sound, his expression relaxes and he smiles faintly.
"That's a relief. Would you like some bread as well?"
Anyway, this bastard who loves bread like crazy.
"Ah... please give me just one piece."
"Here."
"thank you."
"Would you like milk or tea?"
"Tea please."
"All right."
Kim Hyun-seong rose from his seat without taking a single spoonful of the stew in front of him and began boiling water for tea. Resting his chin on his hand, he stirred the tea with the spoon as if conducting, taking in the sight of him once again. He took out a container of tea leaves from the shelf that looked like it had been purchased recently, and picked up a teacup that seemed to suit my taste quite well. It was free of even a single scratch, appearing as if it had never been used.
Before I knew it, he brought out some tea, and a warm cup was placed before me. I offered some food to him, who hadn't taken a single bite, and resumed our meal after a brief pause. Inside, I could hear the clatter of tableware, while outside, I could hear the chirping of birds. It was a picture-perfectly peaceful daily life. Almost to the point of being artificial.
I intended to watch how far he would go, but he still seems intent on running away. Burying yesterday's events as if they never happened. It can't be helped. I carefully set down the spoon, interlock my fingers, and rest my chin on them. At my gesture that I have something to say, he looks at me.
"Hyunseong."
"Yes, Kiyoung."
"I absolutely do not mean to force you, but... by any chance, when do you plan to return to the guild?"
"......."
"I am not asking you to return immediately. Blue is not a guild so weak as to collapse just because you are not here, Hyunseong. Above all, I will not let that happen."
"Yes. Kiyoung... I'm sure you'll lead Blue well even without me."
You're really something.
"......."
"Kiyoung."
"......."
"I... have no intention of going back."
"......."
"To be precise, now that I have done what I had to do, I intend to settle the karma I have accumulated. Yes. I feel that this is the death befitting me. It is the only way for me to atone."
You fucking bastard. You're talking bullshit.
"......."
"sorry."
"...no."
It was a ridiculous thing to say. I unclasped my fingers and held the teacup in my hand.
A luxury item that fits my taste in a way that feels out of place in this cabin. A container of tea leaves that had only recently been opened, though it tried not to show any signs of being new. The sight of it holed up in a place I know, having given itself a one-month grace period, when it could have simply vanished one day if it truly intended to die.
He was just hoping I would come find him. He was no different from a stubborn child who insists things are too hard.
Even so, I felt like he would truly die if I failed. That bothered me immensely.
How did I raise him? I raised him rolling around like a dog. I am convinced I hold enough of a stake in this bastard to claim ownership. I had to take him. Kim Hyun-sung had to be in my hands. He must not escape, not even through death.
I'm not giving in, Hyunseong.
Right. I didn't think it would be resolved so easily in just one day. After all,hadn't I taken time off and submitted my application with that in mind? I felt bad for Team Leader Kim Mi-young, but it couldn't be helped. I gulped down the tea,which tasted bland, and put the cup down.
Is it because of guilt...? What you said yesterday....
"...Yes. That is correct."
Mr. Hyunseong.
"yes."
"I know that these words... might sound offensive, or that you might think I'm crossing the line. But... but I must say this. The past... I mean, the first cycle no longer exists. It is a vanished history. That event never happened. Hyunseong. Therefore, you do not need to feel guilty toward them."
You have to be Lee Ki-young, rather than the guilt over that measly first round.
"...I know."
"......."
"I know... I know...."
"......."
"Don't I remember that, Giyoung? How can it be erased when I already remember it? I saved the continent to atone for that sin, but... I already left the person I needed to apologize to back in the first cycle."
"What? You're going to save the continent to atone? You said you went back in time for me, you bastard."
"......."
"Unless I can go back to the first timeline and beg him for forgiveness... I can never... be forgiven. Even so, I wouldn't have the right to be under that delusion."
Hearing those words, I rack my brain. Saying that he wants to apologize to the person from the first round and receive forgiveness surely means he wants to apologize to the victim of the cleaning mentioned yesterday.
But do I really have to go back to the first playthrough to ask for forgiveness?
Come to think of it. The phenomenon where a character from the first round influences the second round, even if only for a brief moment. Don't I already know that?
The victim of the first cleaning of the Youngdo. If I were to mimic the residual thoughts I felt just yesterday, I would conclude that it would not be unreasonable to imitate that guy.
"Then, damn it, I'll just become Ki-young 1."
"......."
"......."
"......."
"...Kiyoung?"
"...Ugh... Ugh...."
"Kiyoung. Are you alright?"
After remaining silent for a while, he suddenly clutches his head and lets out a groan. Kim Hyun-sung, who had called out to me with a puzzled look at first,came to my side, his face pale as he tipped over a chair. The perfect person to mimic the expression that there seems to be something other than myself in his head is Kim Hyun-sung, standing right in front of me.
Imitating Kim Hyun-sung getting beaten up by Song Villain!
"Aaaargh! Get, get... out of me! No, no! Haa... haa...."
"Kiyoung!"
He senses something is wrong and urgently calls for me. A scenario flashes through his mind where, like many clichés, the trigger is stepped and he ends up being devoured by some evil entity.
What a stuffy bastard. What creativity.
It seems they never even considered the possibility of lingering thoughts.
Everything depends on our acting skills to make this situation believable.
You can do it, Kiyoung!
Recalling yesterday's cold voice as much as possible, I let out a low sigh.
"...Haa."
Kim Hyun-sung flinches for a moment at the change in my demeanor. I saw him instantly check my hair and eyes. Suspicion regarding Doom Gi-young rises within him. I slowly run my hand through my hair and glare at him.
"I watched to see what nonsense he'd spout... and he said he'd apologize to me directly...."
"...Kiyoung...?"
"That's right. Lee Ki-young. I mean the trash you hate to death."
"......."
"You knew, didn't you? Now that you've encountered the truth you pretended not to know and buried, do you want to run away again? You're always like that. A coward and a hypocrite, yet you call yourself a hero or a count... Haha! It's not even funny. You're nothing but a piece of trash murderer, aren't you?"
"...ah."
"Kim Hyun-sung. You're asking for forgiveness? You spoke of atonement? You? Now, after killing everyone, and only now, after moving past a whole cycle, do you want an apology?"
"......."
I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks. It's strange. Even though I tell myself it's nothing more than acting, my heart is beating fast for some reason.
From the start, I intended to wear the mask of 1st Ki-yeong and just pretend to forgive him. But doesn't this make it seem like I genuinely can't stand the hatred I feel for him? I stand up and push him against the wall.
Is it a lingering thought again this time?
It seems to be the influence of those damned lingering thoughts once again. I didn't realize that words like "atonement" or "cleaning" were constantly acting as triggers. Or perhaps, because I recalled those lingering thoughts, something that had actually seeped in just burst out. It is a very slim possibility, but this might be the final revenge prepared by Kiyoung I. All it would have taken was a single phrase, "I forgive your sins," but my mouth is starting to move on its own.
"No, Hyunseong. You cannot be forgiven. I will never forgive you. You can never be atoned for. Salvation will not be granted to you. I curse you forever,Hyunseong. I hope you scream even more than the life you ruined for me. I hope you lose what is most precious to you, submit to the one you despise the most,and fall into the most miserable downfall."
"Ah... ahh...."
"I resent you for voting in favor of Rachel's cleanup, despite your incompetence. Among those swept up there were innocent people. There were powerless old men, and fools trying to live well again."
"Ugh... Ugh... Hmmm...."
"Hyunseong. I do not pity you. I want you to suffer for infinite ages. You! You should have stopped it by any means necessary!! You!! At least you!! You shouldn't have betrayed me!! Do you wonder why I resent you so much? Don't you understand why such trials befall only you? Are you resentful that such a sin of eons has been placed upon you alone? The thing is... I, I...."
"Hmph... h... choke...."
"Because I... I chose you!! I!! I!!! Because I ended up choosing you!! Because you escaped from that cave!!! And finally!! Trampled!! My land!! And my people!!You!!! How could you!!!!"
"Ugh... cough... choke... gag...."
Fuck...
"Right... you're right. You don't deserve to enjoy the future. Why... why aren't you dead and still alive? Once the job was done, you should have chosen death immediately. Ah. You... could it be...."
This fucking bastard...
"Cough. Cough. Cough. Ugh... Ugh."
"Did you... wait for me to come kill you?"
"Hmph... *Sob*... *Cough*. *Sob*...."
"Fine... I'll kill you. With the hands of the person you love so much. I think that's the fitting revenge. But remember. You aren't being atoned for... You can never be atoned for. You can't be saved. You..."
"Don't mess around, you bastard. Who do you think you are, talking about killing Kim Hyunsung or not?'
"Ugh... hmph... haa...."
"You... Ugh... Ugh... Aaaargh!! Aaaargh!!!"
Get lost, you idiot.
The presence of the lingering thoughts I had sensed vanished in an instant. I was not someone who couldn't handle a mere residual thought. However, for the sake of dramatic effect, I need to add some acting from this point on.
"Haa... Ki... Kiyoung? Kiyoung. Kiyoung!"
Mimicking Kim Hyun-sung getting beaten up by Lucifer!
"Get out! Get... out of my... head!"
"Kiyoung. Kiyoung... *Cough. Cough.* Kiyoung! Are you... are you alright? I... I made a mistake...."
"Aaaaaaaah!! Get lost! No!!"
Should I have added 'damn it'?
"Ugh... Cough. Cough. Kiyoung. Kiyoung... Kiyoung!!"
"Ugh... Ugh... Argh! Kim Hyun-seong... Kim Hyun-seong...."
"Kiyoung!!!"
"...Kim Hyun-sung is mine."
"Anyway, you damn bastard 1st Kiyoung, this guy is mine."
"Kiyoung..."
"Kim Hyun-sung is... my time traveler."
"......."
"You are my time traveler, Kim Hyun-sung."
From a single strand of hair to that life, it's all mine.
"......."
"Gasp... gasp... huff... ha...."
I catch my breath and let go of the hand that was gripping his head. The tears I had been squeezing out, which had stopped flowing halfway through, also ceased. As I gradually calmed down, Kim Hyun-sung's tears, which had paused briefly in panic, began to grow thicker again. I see the very faint handprint I left on his neck. I place my hand on his head for a moment and close my eyes. Sobs burst from his lips.
"I... I... your...."
"Ugh... Hng... Ugh...."
"I forgive your sins...."
"Ah... uh... hmmm...."
I open my eyes and move my hand to caress his damp cheek. As my fingertips get wetter, I feel something burning inside me.
"Haa... Haa.... I forgive your sins. I... even the share of the first round. I forgive your sins."
"Ugh... Haa... *Sob*... *Cough*."
My returner.
Ah. That is patience.
I kissed him. It wasn't with any particular intention. Nor was it a plan. Reason whispers that it was probably just an impulse caused by the physical reaction left behind by the lingering thoughts of Il Gi-yeong. I accept it. Because his heart,engulfed in rage, was beating just as it was. As soon as the short kiss ended—just lips touching and then pulling away—he hugged me and buried his face in my shoulder.
It's a success. It went according to plan.
The picture exactly as I had imagined. It looks like I am using his guilt to my advantage, shattering it all and shoving myself into its place. It has been perfectly executed, yet something feels uncomfortable. I don't even know what is uncomfortable. Something is amiss. I raise my hand and slowly pat his back.
"It's okay... It's okay... Hyunseong."
"......."
"Hyun-seong, you will be atoned. Your future remains."
"......."
"I don't resent you, Hyunseong. I've always trusted and relied on you. We're a pair, aren't we?"
"...Hmph... Yes. That's right."
"Since you are my time traveler, Hyunseong... please don't let the first timeline get to you too much. I am here."
"ah...."
"......."
"......."
"I'm a little tired..."
"Yes... yes. I'll take care of it."
"Just leave it alone. For now... rest."
"Uh... ah... yes."
Kim Hyun-seong, being dragged along by my ridiculously insufficient strength,acted blankly, as if he were out of his mind. I laid him down on the inner side of the bed, drew the curtain, lay down beside him, and affectionately pulled the blanket over him. Since the whip had been a bit too strong, it was like giving him a carrot. I looked to the side and saw him staring at me with trembling eyes.
I gently brushed the bangs brushing against his still-red eyes and kissed his forehead as if giving a goodnight kiss. Soon, Kim Hyun-sung covered his eyes briefly with his hand, then turned his body completely and lay down facing me with a slightly flushed face. I could read his desire to be hugged, but I didn't feel the need to go out of my way to embrace him. As I quietly stroked his head, he was busy glancing at me like a child experiencing their first love.
You've done everything you needed to do, and now you're acting all shy?
Anyway, he was a ridiculous bastard. As I soon pulled my hand away from him and slowly closed my eyes, I felt my body sinking into drowsiness, as if it had truly been exhausted. A small voice reached my ears, which felt muffled as if submerged underwater.
"...huh."
Something warm touches the back of my hand and then falls away.
I opened my eyes with a stifling feeling, and a familiar back of a head came into view.
He looks like he's easy to hit.
Kim Hyun-sung was sleeping with his head resting on my chest. He even had his arm wrapped around my waist.
Damn, this is why it's so frustrating.
It was clear this bastard didn't know the weight of his own arm. Or perhaps he had forgotten my strength rating. I tried to move his arm or head aside to lift him up, but he wouldn't budge an inch. I let out a sigh loud enough to make his hair rustle.
Hyunseong.
"......."
I know you are awake.
"...Yes, Kiyoung."
The guy, caught awake, answered but did not move his arms or head even a little. On the contrary, it seemed as if he was tightening his grip on my body even more, as if his arms had put more force into it.
It's heavy.
"......."
Only then does he lower his arm, grope under the blanket for a while, and find my hand to grab. As if he couldn't breathe otherwise. As if I were his oxygen tank.
Actually, there is no need to go this far.
It's okay to pull away. There is no need to indulge this level of spoilage. Yet, he just keeps letting me hold his hand. Naturally, I frown.
There were enough carrots.
The whip was a bit rough, but the prevailing theory on the continent is that if you include yesterday, it is more than enough—it is overflowing. The problem,however, is that I don't really want to pull my hand away right now. Of course, itis true that just because there is no need to accept it doesn't mean there is no need not to, but it was always right to offer the minimum reward. Because that makes them easier to handle.
While I was silently thinking for a while about whether to pull my hand away, I heard a slightly low, husky voice from him.
"...You said you would listen to my old stories."
"Ah... yes."
I have something to tell you.
"...Continue."
"......."
"......."
"...In the first round... Hayan... because of me... because I... asked Hayan to participate in the war...."
"......."
"Unable to overcome her guilt, she took her own life."
"......."
I know.
Jeong Ha-yan's final moments flash before my eyes. I remember the sight of her hanging herself. But that... wasn't solely because of Kim Hyun-sung.
It was probably complex.
It was correct to say that 1st Ki-yeong was partly to blame. No, he was the one who essentially set the fire on the rising oil. Kim Hyun-sung must have made the choice he could at the time. Perhaps he had no choice but to reach out to Jeong Ha-yan... or even if that wasn't the case, considering the extent to which a single Archmage like Jeong Ha-yan could influence the course of the battle, it would have been foolish not to ask her to participate. Right. So, it wasn't Kim Hyunsung's sole responsibility.
"Hayan didn't like that kind of lethal magic. Even though I knew that...back then, I thought that was the only way. Looking back now... perhaps... there might have been another way. I ended up dumping too heavy a burden on her,Hayan."
"...Hyunseong. That's not your fault."
"It seems I haven't improved at all since the first round. In the end, I dragged you into the second round. Kiyoung, do you really think someone like me deserves to be granted this? Am I—as he said, shouldn't I not be receiving atonement?"
I even worked my body to take care of this bastard, and yet...
"...Hyunseong. That's."
"Because you have suffered so much all this time... because you have been in so much pain all this time... because in the end, you saved the world you love. Maybe I... thought it was okay. I... I might have been thinking as I pleased... and deluding myself again like that."
You're getting consumed by guilt in an instant again? Is your guilt really that great? You're seriously pissing me off.
"Kim Hyun-sung!"
Kim Hyun-sung's body trembles slightly as he lifts his head. Their eyes meet with wide-open eyes. As he stares at the guy for a while, his eyes begin to tremble slightly.
"ah...."
"......."
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry."
"......."
I gently hold the cheek of the guy who tries to avoid my gaze. His eyes meet mine once again. Right. You just need me like this. I tell you that I just need to be the only thing for you.
"If I want to keep this bastard tied to my side somehow, I just need to be the only one who can atone for his sins."
"...Kiss me."
So, this place becomes a confessional for you and me.
"Kiss me, Hyunseong."
If you want this, I can give you a certain amount. As for your sins, I could even forgive them in a word.
But you can't die. I didn't allow that.
With the last sign of his agitation, I close my eyes. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold back, but I also believed he would give in to me. Yes, this wasn't deception; it was trust.
I hear the rustling sound of the blankets, and his lips touch me. The dampness invading through the parting is hot, resembling your emotions.
Our tongues intertwine. Our noses brush against each other's faces. As if exploring one another, we lightly touch and pull away at the tips, then gradually entangle deeply. To explore more deeply and more, our heads and bodies lean forward. Kim Hyun-sung supports my body and lifts me onto his. Sitting on his stomach, I continued the kiss. I bit his lip lightly, then licked the spot. I licked his tongue again, then sucked it in.
I have to admit it honestly.
The kiss with Kim Hyun-sung was actually pretty good. It was just nonsense I threw out yesterday, but I'm starting to think it might actually be right. It feels like our souls are interlocking. It gives me such a strange sense of stability that I even wonder if it is the process of things of completely different forms shaping each other. Enough to make this situation feel incredibly natural and obvious.
He sucked in my lips as if to devour them, then bit into them finely, as if to chew them up. His tongue invaded so deeply that I couldn't tell if he was trying to feed me or eat mine, and saliva mixed completely from top to bottom and bottom to top. It was as if his thoughts had traveled in through the connections and mixed up my mind. I didn't know if I was truly becoming one with his emotions.
I'd rather decline that.
It was necessary to defend against such massive emotions with reason. It was obvious that getting swept away by them would hinder the ability to make efficient and accurate judgments.
It seems that fairy tales aren't formed solely through emotions.
Strangely enough, I feel as though a void is being filled. A sense that something once incomplete is gradually becoming complete and solid. Perhaps this is a process that makes me treat the operator of the divided continent—that is, the caregiver—as a single entity. No, perhaps we really are becoming one. What if our souls aren't just connected, but are mingling?
No, it's not that kind of feeling. Because clearly, I am Lee Ki-young.
Through the gently swaying curtains, I see a white face and deep eyes illuminated by the shimmering sunlight. Hot heat transfers to my lips.
Four days have passed.
With Kim Hyun-sung, we've done it so many times it's hard to count. Now, it looks like only half of the potion I brought is left. Throughout that process,neither he nor I confessed our feelings. We simply kissed when our eyes met and lust was ignited, and indulged in each other when our heat rose. Is this relationship ambiguous?
There's really nothing ambiguous about it. This amount is just right.
It was an appropriate distance. If we chased after illusions like love or lovers,how could we possibly handle a breakup when our souls were already connected?
We just needed to roughly satisfy our desires for each other.
And one more thing. The fairy tale was actually happening.
The medium feels a bit unsettling, but... anyway, they are both gods.
Since it is a substance derived from a god's body, it surely cannot be ordinary.
It seems their saliva had some kind of influence on each other. It wasn't as if I became as skilled with a sword as Kim Hyun-sung, or that he became as intelligent as me, but at times, even without the company setting, we found ourselves acting on each other's feelings. In just four days, like a very old married couple.
It seemed he had dozed off, leaning his back against the headboard and resting his head on the boy's shoulder. I opened my heavy eyes and looked up to see the sunset slowly setting beyond the window. It was a color that resembled the boy,who had already taken my hand and intertwined our fingers.
Kim Hyun-sung's true intentions were clearly visible. This was at the very least a detection sensor, or even a form of bondage. As I cautiously sat up and tried to pull my hand away, he grabbed my wrist without even opening his eyes. His eyes opened, and a light shone in his discolored pupils. Beneath them, red lips parted,trembling nervously.
"Don't go...."
It seemed that the four days spent away from reality had been quite happy for him. I openly display my discomfort and grab his arm to signal that I want to be let go.
"...It's becoming difficult to leave the guild empty any longer, Hyunseong."
It was half truth and half falsehood. It was true that leaving the guild unattended was difficult, but I had set aside a longer vacation than this. The guy rolled his eyes low and wide like someone trying to come up with a word, his lips twitching as he muttered.
"Kiyoung... I... I still...."
"......."
"I am still... of guilt...."
Actually, it's been a long time since I shook off that guilt. It's more like Lee Kiyoung than guilt now.
I don't know if he's lying or not. He must have run out of material to keep me around by now. After all, he already wants to live.
I let go of the hand that was holding his wrist and call his name gently but firmly.
"... Hyunseong."
"I... I still don't have the confidence to live... Right... If Kiyoung isn't by my side...."
"You're not going to die, are you? Then let's go back together."
"......."
"...Do you dislike it?"
"......."
"Hyunseong."
In the end, he keeps his mouth shut at the suggestion to go back together. It is hard to understand what makes him so unwilling to return. Perhaps he truly dreams of escaping the cycle of killing and being killed, and finding a peaceful and tranquil life. He must want to fit me into that life, which resembles a golden field bathed in the autumn sunset, and live safely and warmly.
However, that was different from what I wanted. I had to look after this continent, run the Blue Guild, and participate in dungeon raids. I desire a more worldly, profit-driven, and calculating life. I aspire to climb relentlessly to a position of control.
Breaking the brief silence, the guy opens his mouth.
"...three days."
"......."
"Just three more days... please spend time with me. Just three days... I won't be greedy for anything more than that. It is alright even if you pretend that everything that happened at that time never happened. Because, in truth... you were only trying to comfort me. I know... that it was all... all of it was just my greed."
So you actually know?
"......."
"I apologize for being so unreasonable... But... if you would just give me one week of yours... I will truly follow you back without a word of complaint. I will also retract my statement about ending my life."
So you know it's a stretch?
"......."
Silence weighed down on us once again. I could feel Kim Hyun-sung's tension clearly through his hand.
That's exactly what I wanted.
Persuading him to return to the guild within a week. It was practically a complete success. Yet, for some reason, I feel down. I feel as though an indefinable anxiety is gnawing away at me from the inside.
As I let out a short sigh of frustration, Kim Hyun-sung flinched out of nowhere.
I looked straight at him and opened my mouth.
"...I'm saying there is still something bothering you."
"...Yes. I... have."
He doesn't interrogate the guy who can't answer properly, but simply grabs his hand tightly and pulls him closer.
Let's have dinner first and then continue listening. The sun is setting.
"ah...."
After a small sigh, a faint murmur of "Thank you" was heard. It is not enough.
I simply cannot understand what on earth is bothering him. Logically speaking,there were a few variables, but everything went according to plan. There is absolutely no reason to be angry. It looks like we will succeed in bringing him back, so why am I dissatisfied? Especially since I already hold the most important position in his life.
Sitting at the table, I quietly ponder while watching the back of the fellow preparing the meal. It seemed this dissatisfaction grew stronger as the fairy tale progressed. Well then...The cause might be Kim Hyun-sung, not me.
Right. It was possible that some unsettling, suspicious feeling within KimHyun-sung had assimilated into me. No, this was certain. As for me, there was absolutely no reason to feel any discomfort. Then the question was, what on earth is this strange emotion he harbors...
'Guilt... that you couldn't bring yourself to tell me?'
What could Kim Hyun-sung possibly not tell me? He's the guy who confessed about the cleaning in Round 1 on the very first day. In that case, could it be something related to Round 2?
"Well... murder or assault are nothing. They happen commonly in war. If it were something like guild fund embezzlement, it would be tough, but we can handle it somehow."
There was no way he had been going around committing serial murders for pleasure behind my back, and I couldn't find any trace of it in his mind.
Honestly, it's too late to feel guilty about things like romantic feelings,considering we even slept together. It's too late.
It would be a stretch to conclude that he is suffering from the fact that he likes me, as he hasn't rejected our relationship in the slightest. On the contrary, he seems to be constantly restless. Rather than suffering, he must be going crazy with happiness every single day right now.
Then what the hell is it?
I am convinced that I won't be able to get through today without digging into this.
I approach him from behind as he cuts the baguette and give him a light hug.
He had been tense ever since I stood up, so he didn't really react with a startled look. I wrap my arms around his waist, which is thinner than I expected, and quietly bury my face in his back. When I take a deep breath, he finally flinches,puts down the knife, and takes my hand.
"Um... Kiyoung?"
"Yes, Hyunseong."
"Food... I think we'll have to prepare it."
"Yeah."
"......."
"Shall I move aside?"
"...No."
He picked up the bread knife again and began to slowly slice the bread. I clung to him like a cicada. When I briefly looked up, I saw that his face, from the back of his head which looked like a good target for a beating, was bright red all the way to the back of his neck. I was tempted to provoke him a little more, but doing so meant I might get arrested without even having a meal.
Where else but the damn bed.
To conserve energy, it would have been better to just quietly play cicada.
Before I knew it, he had started putting stew and bread into bowls and plates. I quietly let go of his hand, picked up one plate and one bowl that were full, and carried them to the table. In the process, the glimpse I caught of his face revealed it was flushed red, noticeable even by the mere lamplight, making it difficult to maintain a composed expression.
That kind of thing is actually kind of cute. Honestly, seeing a guy that big not resisting and just quietly blushing is kind of cute.
As I shrugged slightly and placed the plate on the table, he brought over the remaining plates, bowls, and cutlery in one go. I let out a small laugh at his thoughts that had briefly crossed my mind.
"Pfft!"
"...Kiyoung? Is something wrong?"
"No... no, Hyunseong."
"If anything happens..."
"No. Nothing is wrong. Shall we have a meal?"
"Ah... yes."
What do you mean, newlyweds? Hyunseong.
I don't know what to do with the brain of this guy who is picturing us as a sweet newly wed couple in this situation. It was beyond absurd; it was actually funny. We aren't even lovers, just close friends, so why is he having such a grandiose delusion?
I hear the clatter of dishes. The lamp in the kitchen flickers faintly. From the fireplace not far away, the crackling of sparks burns away the silence. Yes. I see.
This is the peaceful and tranquil future you desire, the one you want to share with me. It is a part of the daydream you dream of. I accepted it to some extent.
It even made me feel like settling down, if only for a moment.
Even at this moment, the fleeting sense of displeasure I felt gave me a rough idea of what I needed to hear from him.
After eating a couple of pieces of bread and putting down my utensils, I restedmy chin on my hand and quietly watched what Kim Hyun-sung was doing. He picked up a piece of bread, dipped it into the stew, and chewed it, but noticing my gaze, he looked this way. When our eyes met, he quickly chewed and swallowed the bread, placing the remaining pieces in front of him.
"Do you... have something to say?"
He blinked once and answered.
"Hyunseong, you must have something to say, right?"
"ah...."
I gives a light smile and subtly gestures with my hand.
"It's alright. Please make yourself comfortable. We'll talk in a moment. I'll be right back after looking around for a bit."
"I can't eat. I can't leave Kiyoung alone. I'm scared you might just run off."
As I said that and stood up, sure enough, the guy also hurriedly stood up.
"It is... cold outside."
"I know."
"I will provide cover."
"It's fine. I'm just going to look around the nearby area."
"...No. I can't let you go alone, Kiyoung. I... I...."
"......."
"I... my side might be in danger too... but still, it is better than sending you alone, Kiyoung."
I knew it. It's that.
Even now, an unpleasant sensation, like something scratching my brain, creeps up. It is the guilt of the fellow who assimilated into me.
I grabbed Kim Hyun-sung's arm as he passed by, as if trying to take the entrance before I could leave.
"Hyunseong."
"Yes, Kiyoung."
"You did something wrong to me, didn't you? I mean... it's not the first time, it's this time."
"......."
"That's what you haven't been able to say until now, right?"
"......."
His eyes waver greatly. Unable to meet his gaze, I freeze in place.
"Even if we overlook how I found out, you wouldn't have intended to keep telling me if I hadn't said this, right?"
"......."
"Please answer me, Hyunseong. You intended to keep fabricating new charges and just keep rotating them, didn't you?"
"......."
I stepped forward to the guy who wasn't answering, grabbed his shoulder, and met his eyes. He wore a desperate, pleading expression, then composed a calm smile as if to soothe himself.
"I don't know what you did wrong, Hyunseong, but whether it was murder...harming someone... or embezzling guild funds... there must be a way to resolve this somehow. And I don't think you committed those acts without a reason."
You have to make them confess their own sins.
"......."
"...Hyunseong."
In the end, when those eyes, having trembled to the point of closing and then opening, were filled with tremendous excitement and burning emotion. Soon,that heavy mouth opened.
"...Kiyoung."
"......."
"Kiyoung, how can you say that every single time? Every single time? Do you really not know the sin I committed against you in this timeline? Do you really not know? Or is there something wrong with your memory?"
Why are you so worked up?
"......."
"Please... please... Kiyoung. I...."
"......."
"I still have nightmares of the day I killed you.... It is so vivid that even the way the sword trembled as it dug into your flesh is real.... I see you falling beneath my hands. The pool of blood pooling gets embedded in my eyeballs. It stains my mind. Damn it! Really! Are you really asking because you don't know?"
"......."
"Do you really think someone like me deserves to be alive? Really? I have no right to stand there when I cannot live without your side. I am not worthy of you. I resolved to myself that this week is the last time I can be by your side. Please...do not shake me. Do not forgive even this sin.... Please! You need to know how to hate me! Damn it!"
"......."
"Please... damn it...."
"......."
"......."
A brief silence followed his explosion. The hand gripping my shoulder tightened. So that's it. Even at this very moment, you were steeling yourself to leave me.
That you dared to deceive me and be prepared to leave.
Do you think I would let it slide like that?
"...Hyunseong."
"......."
"Is that really what you want, Hyunseong?"
"......."
"Is it really what you want, Hyunseong, to be hated by me and not forgiven by me?"
"......."
No way. That can't be true.
Every time I looked into your company profiles, they were filled with my thoughts. Your head is already full of me. Being hated by me is worse for you than death. You crave being forgiven and saved by me more than anyone else.
That is how you want to live, isn't it?
You cowardly bastard.
"......."
"......."
"...Then why did we sleep together, Hyunseong?"
"......."
Tears well up involuntarily. Is this feeling I am experiencing right now betrayal? A sense of defeat from being toyed with? Or anxiety that he might actually slip through my grasp? It wasn't any of those. It was the desire to possess him completely. The greed to chew up and swallow him whole, soul and all, from head to toe. It was a deception intended solely to pressure you.
You have to be mine, Hyunseong.
"Didn't you feel any guilt about sleeping with me? Was that momentary lust much greater than your deep guilt?"
"Ugh... Ugh...."
He gagged and began to cry. It seemed that disgust at his own ugliness was welling up on top of his guilt. His body began to tremble, but I did not stop. I had to press him a little harder and make him submit completely.
"You wanted me, so are you sorry for killing me?"
"Hmph... sob...."
"Then just get forgiven. Why are you the one judging whether you're worthy...?"
"Cough... hnghh...."
"That's my decision to make, Hyunseong. "
With those words, he knelt down and slumped to the ground. Clinging to the hem of my pants and shedding tears, he acted like a beggar begging for mercy.
"Ugh... Hmph... You... Why... Why... Every single time...."
"......."
"...You don't love me."
'at las.'
"......."
"...I love you."
"......."
Kim Hyun-seong surrendered.
"I love you, Kiyoung. I suppose you knew."
"......."
He confessed his feelings to me. His hand, having collapsed, let go of the hem of his pants and fell to the floor. He bent over at the waist as if bowing, laughing hollowly in a wretched state, before beginning to sob.
"Ha... haha... hmph... sob...."
I felt a surge of euphoria rising within me as much as his shoulders trembled.
Right. There was no way he could beat me. There was no way Kim Hyun-sung could escape me. From the start, he was the kind of guy who handed his leash over to me of his own accord and refused to break it, even though I could have easily done so.
He slowly kneels before the boy, places his hand on his head, and recites.
The lines are already decided.
"...I forgive your sins."
He lifts his tear-stained face and looks at me with reddened eyes. I raise the single hand lying there in vain and drag it toward the trace engraved in my soul.
His hand touches my stomach, he clenches his fist, and trembles for a long time.
His eyes are fixed on mine and do not even blink. His tightly clenched mouth opens.
"...May I kiss you?"
"......."
"I thought you would. And even after that?"
"Yeah."
"Even though I love you?"
"yes."
"......."
A short, fleeting laugh is heard. A face rising from below blocks my vision, and our lips meet. Unlike before, it was nothing but soft. Just like someone kissing for the first time. Touching and pulling away, touching and pulling away, touching again... Tears flowed from his eyes. They were hotter than those lips.
It opens its mouth very slowly and licks my lips as if tickling them. It burrows slightly between them, sweeping the mucous membrane behind the lips, tracing them as if remembering the shape of the teeth, and then penetrates through the gap as if seeping in. It carefully touches my tongue, touches the bump, and then,as it sheds tears again, it wraps around me slowly from the side, rolling around.
- I love you.
Through this connection, his sorrow pours in like a flood. Reason is too solid to be swept away by the turbulence. Love, indeed. I agree that he is lovable,unique, and indispensable to me. It is true that I cannot imagine a future without him, and that he is both my most powerful trump card and my most fatal weakness. He must never escape from me, nor must he fail to love me. This, too,is correct. But do I love him?
That's a separate matter.
Unfortunately for Kim Hyun-sung, I could not love him with the same heart as he did. I would find a way to live together somehow rather than die in his place like he did; unlike him, who acted as if he didn't care what happened to anything other than me, I did not want to lose the other things I had. It is the limitation of this guy—my one and only time traveler, yet one who could not become my everything.
If it weren't for the fact that Kim Hyun-sung loved me this much, I might have been worth meeting at least once.
Maybe it would have been worth enjoying it just once. But the emotions he carries right now are so heavy. So much so that I feel like I might go insane the moment he disappears while I bear that weight all by myself.
You want to avoid that, you know. So this is the right choice.
It's true that I don't love you, Hyunseong. So just cry for a moment. You're the one giving me your body anyway, aren't you?
Lips part. I feel his hands carefully lifting and moving my body. In the silence that weighs down on us, I reach out, wrap my arms around his neck, and rest my head on his shoulder. Quiet footsteps approach the bed without making a sound.
After placing me down on the covers, his eyes grow dark.
He left me like that for a moment, turned around, and began turning off the lamps one by one. He only returned when the light from the fireplace in the corner illuminated the space.
With careful hands, Kim Hyun-seong lifted me and laid me down properly onthe inside, then took the spot beside me to keep the bed from shaking as much as possible. As his fingers touched my hand placed beside him, he slowly took it.
As our hands overlapped, our wrists overlapped, our elbows overlapped, and our shoulders overlapped, I found myself nestled in his arms. It was warm. It would have been even warmer if the cloth covering his skin hadn't been there.
Finally, our eyes met. Tears streamed down the side of his eyes. Closing his eyes as if emptying something out, he coughed up the tears, then approached me and kissed my forehead. He kissed my nose and my cheek. Then, without kissing me on the lips, he pulled my head onto his shoulder. His shoulders and chest trembled. It was obvious that Kim Hyun-sung was crying silently, without making a sound.
He didn't say a word, nor offered any comfort.
Because that is correct.
Because I don't need any words or comfort.
Strictly speaking, he hasn't been heartbroken. He simply cannot have it completely. I am merely showing him that. Even if it is regrettable, he will eventually come to a compromise on his own. And he will overcome it. Just as he always has.
His arm goes up toward my face. Soon, he pulls my face away from his shoulder and strokes my cheek. When our eyes meet again, he smiles with a frown, his eyes reddened from crying just moments ago.
Kim Hyun-seong lifted one of my arms and led me to his left chest. It seemed as though he wanted me to feel his heart pounding. I wondered why he was putting on such a show, considering I had already read his mind and gaze through our connection so often it was sickening, but I just let him do as he pleased. That heart was beating fast yet regularly. I felt a slightly strange sensation.
So this is what you were aiming for?
This, too, must be the effect of assimilating with him. My pulse began to gradually quicken, as if influenced by his heart. Soon, my heart beats just like his. My body temperature rises completely against my will.
He slowly raised his upper body and took off his shirt. His sleek physique was obscured by the darkness, making him look like a wild beast. As I quietly watched what he was doing, his voice rang out, breaking the silence.
"There is one thing I would like to ask of you. "
"...yes."
"Please wrap your arms around my neck as much as possible."
"all right."
I reached out my hand toward the guy approaching me. As he wished, I lightly wrapped my arm around his neck, and his face slowly came down. This time, it was properly toward my lips.
He had been giving me bird kisses while changing angles several times, then licked my lips and came inside, carefully wrapping his tongue around mine. He wasn't clumsy, but he acted as if he were caressing and soothing my tongue, as if cherishing it as a precious memory of a first kiss. As if he wanted to melt me away right then and there, as if he wished I wouldn't disappear. His deep affection was fully contained in that kiss. Slowly, our lips pulled away.... ... .At this rate, I might develop a skill like pleasure tolerance, just like the protagonist of a certain fantasy novel. Even as I was leisurely thinking, he continued to move. Lifting my vision, which was shaking just as much as my body, to look at him, I saw tears welling up in his eyes.
It seems unlikely that he will develop a tolerance to pleasure. Seeing that this bastard isn't developing a tolerance to tears, it is reasonable to assume he doesn't possess such a skill. I lowered a hand and stroked the corner of his eye. The raindrops falling onto my face felt hot, as if they had been waiting for this moment.
His lips twitch. I know what he will say without him having to say it. He knows my answer, too. That is why they only twitch, and no sound comes out. The only sound enveloping us is the crackling of flames.
"May I say it?"
Don't say it.
"Even if we don't love each other, we will be together forever."
You have an off-site assignment in Heren today.
"Ah... then what about the security personnel?"
"Haha. It's fine. The Guild Master is going with me."
Ah. I have confirmed it.
"In the first playthrough, after the first war, I was out of my mind. I had to restore the ruined Lindel, become the Blue Guild Master, and lead the guild."
I see.
He lowers his hand and strokes the black hair resting on his knee. He did not suppress the faint smile forming on his face.
It was a position with many enemies, and I had already made enemies of my own accord. After all, I was already a murderer back then. Countless assassins visited every day. I couldn't sleep and never felt safe. There were even instances where they bribed guild members to poison my food.
You've worked hard.
He strokes the hair covering the forehead, gently lifts the face, and kisses the forehead.
"One day, an assassin came to my room. I washed my face without even properly slitting his throat, listening intently to the curses he spat out. He was alive. I went downstairs to eat just like that."
"......."
I strokes his cheek. Tears well up in Kim Hyun-sung's eyes. Soon, our eyes meet.
"I am a person this broken, Kiyoung. Really... really, is it okay for someone like me to be by your side?"
I hug the guy's head and whisper affectionately in his ear.
"...I forgive your sins."
Slowly, I lower my face and kiss those lips. The sound of falling snow hitting the window is buried in the continuing squelching sound. The flames in the lamp and the fireplace flicker. Different emotions ripple in eyes of different colors.