Chapter Text
Picking Kevin Day up at the airport gives Jeremy Knox such a hit of deja vu it's almost dizzying. It's not just picking up a lone Raven, it's the nervous energy that has Kevin tapping his fingers against his bicep even as he is otherwise completely still. It's the way his eyes dart around the crowded area, ball cap pulled low over his face to ward off any potential fans loitering around the arrivals. Jean hadn't needed to go to those kind of lengths, but the instances were so similar it was worrying. Jean Moreau hadn't been doing great when they met.
Speaking of, Jeremy glances behind him to find that Jean still hasn't spotted Kevin yet. He scans the crowd, looking relaxed with one hand in his pocket and the other in Jeremy's hand. Jeremy doesn't even try to hide a giddy little smile as Jean absently rubs his thumb across the back of his hand. He's still not used to this. Any of it. Jean being out, being his, unabashed and unreserved with how much he cares about Jeremy, and Jeremy getting to shower Jean with affection whenever he wants. Which is always. Jean's eyes land on Jeremy, assessing the dopey look that's no doubt embarrassingly obvious on Jeremy's face
"Quoi?" Jean prods, squinting suspiciously.
"Nothing," Jeremy teases through a grin. "I just think you're neat."
"Neat?" Jean rolls his eyes as Jeremy nods, still grinning. Yet Jean can't fight the fond smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, pulling a giggling Jeremy closer to press a quick kiss to his temple. "Mon dieu, you are hopeless."
Jeremy tugs at the hem of Jean's USC shirt, one of the many small ways they show affection when it's not socially acceptable to climb all over each other, and Jean glances up over Jeremy's head.
"Your boyfriend's here," Jean grumbles good-naturedly.
"Jean," Jeremy whines with a sigh. As soon as Jean figured out that Jeremy and Kevin were equally obsessed with each other, he refused to let it go. Teased him relentlessly for how closely he followed Kevin's career. Jeremy couldn't help it. Kevin is the best of the best, everything an exy player could be. He was also very good looking. Sue him, Jeremy liked looking at him. Long dark hair, green eyes, and the jawline? The cheekbones? The sexy brooding thing he's got going on? Jeremy was just a man. And Jean, good guy that he was, never begrudged him that. Probably because Jeremy knew that regardless of Jean and Kevin's history, Jean still liked looking at him too.
Jeremy led Jean by the hand, dancing forward into the crowd towards Kevin. Jean huffed, but didn't need much more coercion to follow. Kevin was keeping his head down, avoiding attention, so he didn't see the couple coming. His eyes were fixed on the ground, his jaw working as he clearly thought something over. Jeremy didn't want to risk calling too much attention to him when he was clearly trying to lay low, so he waited until they were closer before trying to get his attention.
"Kevin," Jeremy tried once he was pretty sure they were in earshot. Apparently not quite, because Kevin didn't budge. "Kevin?" He tried again, standing right in front of him. Still nothing. He glances back at Jean, who shrugs, giving him a knowing look. Right, Kevin was here without a chaperone. Jean had been similar when he first started getting used to going out on his own. Had a hard time focusing, didn't want to think about being in trouble for being unsupervised. Jeremy forgets, sometimes, that Kevin lived by a lot of the same rules as Jean did. Jeremy dips forward to lean into Kevin's line of sight. "Kev," he murmurs gently, trying not to spook him. It doesn't work. Kevin startles up and away, not prepared for someone to be that close. Jeremy holds out his hands as he leans back, like soothing a startled horse.
"Sorry," Kevin mutters, forest green eyes wide and a little embarrassed as he clocks who's talking to him.
"It's all good," Jeremy assured him, smiling as brightly as he can. "I promise getting up in your face like that was a last resort. Anyway, we've come to give you a break from all your solo exposure therapy." Kevin sighed, shoulders slumping. Well, it was better than the tense line they'd been in before. He watches Kevin shoot Jean an indecipherable glance, feels Jean tense behind him, squeeze his hand, but before Jeremy can pry (he tries not to, he really does), Kevin sighs again. He takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair, the shorter pieces in the front slipping out of his fingers and brushing just across the top of the tattoo on his cheekbone- and that was entirely enough of that.
Kevin drags a hand down his face and his shoulders straighten again, and he's the Kevin that Jeremy was accustomed to. It's disconcertingly fast, and Jeremy fears they'll be spending enough time with him this trip that they'll have to talk about it. If Kevin was anything like Jean, it was going to be like pulling teeth. But Jean had implied that Neil and Andrew were reluctant to trust Kevin to anyone else, and Jeremy was determined to do the best he could by them, by Kevin, by the part of Jean that he knew still loved Kevin a little bit. And how fast Kevin could turn on the everything is totally fine energy was definitely a little concerning.
"No harm done," Kevin insists with a small, polite, TV perfect smile. "Just got lost in my thoughts, is all. You startled me a bit." Jean responds before Jeremy can, a disbelieving hmph that Jeremy can't tell is disapproval of the action or the excuse. Kevin's facade cracks very briefly, a downward twitch of his mouth, an expression that Jeremy could almost call shame.
"I'm sorry," Jeremy interrupted, "This is a bit of a rough start. Do the two of you mind if we start over?"
"Yes please," Kevin huffed. Jean sighed again. Oh boy. These two are going to be a handful. The history between them is always thick enough to physically feel whenever they're this close. Jeremy shoots a look over his shoulder at Jean that said be nice. Jean gave him a wide eyed shrug that said This is nice! Jeremy squints skeptically at him, before abandoning that effort. Jean was nice, but Jeremy had heard a little too much of Jean's bitterness towards Kevin to really believe that Jean was going to be kind to him that easily. Jeremy's starting to worry it was a mistake to take Kevin in for winter break. He was thrilled to get a chance to actually spend some genuine time with him, but maybe Kevin and Jean were just too estranged to be together that long.
No, Jeremy wasn't going to go there. Jean and Kevin were still important to each other, he knew it. He saw it in the way Kevin fought to get Jean out to USC, the way he had come running to defend Jean and give Jeremy the best advice he could, even if Jeremy had to filter out the Raven-isms from it. He saw it in the way Jean still gravitated towards Kevin whenever they were in the same room, heard it in the way Jean's resentment was only skin deep, masking a yearning for what could have been. This was the best chance Jeremy had to get them on better terms, for both of their sakes, and he wasn't going to waste it. Though Jean would be pissed if he found out Jeremy used their break to focus on trying to fix someone else instead of taking time for himself. Well, tough. Jeremy wanted Jean to be happy. He was glad to sacrifice one winter break to try and heal at least some of this old hurt.
"Well then," Jeremy forced himself to perk up, clapped his hands together. "Hi Kevin, it's good to see you! How was your flight?"
"It was good," Kevin responded in that courteous tone that hid any real emotion as he shouldered a duffel bag. Then he took a deep breath, adjusted his grip on his suitcase anxiously, and Jeremy watched him force that down. "I did my best to sleep through most of it. Didn't really want to remember I was on my own if I didn't have to."
Jeremy couldn't help but flash him a wide smile before he insisted on taking the suitcase. Getting a Raven to push past the media training to say something real, especially in public, was huge. Especially a Raven who had had to worry about their public image as much as Kevin had. They start towards the garage in silence at first, Jeremy keeping an eye out in case he needed to divert attention away from Kevin. A few people seemed to recognize him, but none of them made more fuss than whispering to their friends or snapping a sneaky picture. That might be an issue later, but it was fine for now.
"I was the same," Jean offered out of nowhere, gesturing to Kevin. "When I first started going places without a partner. Even when we started small, solo trips to the corner store, things like that. I did whatever I could to not think about being alone." Jeremy makes sure he stays ahead of them, not wanting Jean to see how proud he is in case Jean decided to clam up out of spite.
"Ever find a good solution?" Kevin sounded cautious, like he was just as worried about scaring Jean off the subject as Jeremy was.
"I kept the radio or TV on when I was home alone, and kept something to listen to when I was making a trip on my own. Something talk-y. It made it easy to pretend there was someone with me. Ever heard of a podcast?"
"Oh!" Jeremy spun around, walking backwards to the car. He couldn't help it, he was just excited they were being friendly and not actively hostile. Proud of Kevin for asking for help, and proud of Jean for offering it. "Kev, we should totally get you an iPod while you're here."
"Sure," Kevin conceded with a surprised little chuckle. He and Jean had no business being six foot tall broody jocks and being nothing short of cute. It just wasn't fair.
The conversation grew more casual after that, the three of them discussing their exy seasons, the insider feelings on who in their conference was going to be the biggest challenge, the speculation on how playoff season would go. Jean rolled his eyes while loading Kevin's things into the car as Jeremy and Kevin ended up on a tangent that was barely disguised gushing over each other's individual performances over the season, with a healthy dose of praise for Jean's form from them both. Jean didn't engage much with exy outside the court, so their flattery fell on indifferent ears.
"So," Jeremy turned the conversation as he dropped into the driver's seat. "This your longest trip on your own?" It was going back to treacherous territory, but Jeremy wanted a feel for what they were working with.
"Only trip," Kevin supplied after a nervous pause.
"'Only' as in only one further than a block or two, or…?"
"Only," he reiterated.
Okay, that was a little concerning. He hadn't realized how far behind Jean Kevin was in undoing the Raven crap. But, to be fair, Kevin had had a few more years in there than Jean. He can't remember how young Kevin had been when he went into the Nest, he'd have to look it up at some point, but he was certainly younger than Jean had been. Who knows when the abuse started for him. Jean may insist that Kevin was spared a good deal of the physical violence, but Jeremy was sure the psychological damage had to be expansive.
"That seems like a little bit of a leap," Jean said, carefully detached in a way only Jeremy could tell was for show. Jeremy saw Kevin shrug in the back seat in his rear view mirror, wearing the same expression.
"Not exactly a lot of options," Kevin clarified. "The rest of the team had some last minute plans come up, coach- dad-" Jeremy took note of that loaded hesitation, "and Abby had some unavoidable ERC things to handle, and I refused to let Andrew and Neil cancel their plans." Jeremy didn't quite understand that bond, but the loyalty between the three most emotionally stunted people Jeremy's ever met was somehow very sweet.
"It's sweet that they offered," Jeremy tried.
"Mm. But Andrew wanted to get Neil somewhere new for the break, and I agreed it was important enough I wasn't going to crash their road trip."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" Jeremy regretted the question instantly as the car went deathly silent.
"Christmas," Jean sort of asked but mostly stated after a moment. He'd tensed up while Jeremy had been watching the road, that Raven posture back in full force. Right, Christmas. Last winter Neil had gone to the Nest, and Jean had been used as Riko's personal torture assistant.
"…Yeah." Kevin sounded as reluctant as Jeremy had ever heard him. Jeremy didn't have to look to know that Jean's hands were balled up into fists in his lap. Jean's habit of digging his fingernails into any skin he could reach was one of the last of Jean's borderline self-harming coping mechanisms. And despite their hostility, Jean and Neil had an indecipherable, unshakable bond. Numbers three and four, whether they were Ravens or not. Hurting Neil, even as an accessory, was something he had never been able to forgive himself for. So Jeremy reached out blindly, finding Jean's hand and gently coaxing it open. He keeps Jean's hand in his. If they die because Jeremy was driving one handed, then so be it.
"He's never blamed you for any of that," Kevin offers, so quietly. Jeremy glances back again to see Kevin's eyes locked on where Jeremy and Jean's hands met, before looking up at the back of Jean's head, eyes carefully guarded, but a little bit sad. It makes Jeremy want to reach out and smooth the mournful little wrinkle between Kevin's eyebrows. Jean's expression never shifts, but he squeezes Jeremy's hand so hard he's surprised he doesn't pop any joints. Whatever else happened during this visit, Jeremy knew he was going to get a much more detailed picture of the depths of the relationship Kevin, Jean, and Neil had going on. He didn't know if he wanted that, but he'd take it.
"Josten's 'it's fine' is hardly a glowing absolution," Jean sneers. Oh boy.
"I offered to talk about Riko, when he got back," Kevin admits slowly. "We got to it eventually." That shocks all the tension out of Jean.
"That's a big deal, I take it?" Jeremy asks tentatively.
"Kevin doesn't talk about Riko," Jean confirms. "Not in a way that means something." Jeremy knew that it was a veiled compliment, a comment on Kevin potentially healing enough to talk about it, but Kevin flinched like he'd been hit.
"Jean," Jeremy warned quietly. Jean sighed through his nose in dismissal as they pulled into their apartment complex's parking lot.
"Fuck off," Kevin hissed, in a flash straightening his posture and lifting his chin in challenge. Jeremy prickled at that as Jean sneered, but he hadn't missed the hitch in Kevin's voice when he'd said Riko's name. Jeremy let his shoulders relax as he pictured Kevin as a cornered black cat, baring his teeth when his tail is pulled. Jean hit something deep, and Kevin couldn't let him.
"I'm sure it's complicated," Jeremy tried to soothe as he parked the car. The long running narrative had been that Riko and Kevin were brothers in everything but blood. Best friends, inseparable both on and off the court. Jeremy had believed in the legend, looked up to both of them, wondered if he'd ever find someone he was so in sync with. Then he met Jean. Jean, who showed him what that felt like. Jean, who showed him who Riko really was. Between what he knew now about Riko's cruelty, the constant surveillance of the Raven partner system, and Riko's willingness to shatter Kevin's hand and destroy his life just for a game, Jeremy couldn't imagine Kevin's relationship with his childhood friend turned tormentor was easy for people to understand. Kevin included, Jeremy would bet. He knows better than most what it's like to still have affection for a kinder version of someone that doesn't exist anymore.
"Hey," Jeremy unbuckled and turned in his seat to face Kevin. This was probably going to be a little too familiar, but Jeremy had some experience with teaching Ravens some self-worth. And Kevin felt like an old friend, somehow, even if they'd spent most of the friendship on opposite sides of the country. "I'm proud of you for being willing to do that for Neil. I'm sure that was really hard."
Kevin turned a bright shade of red, just blinking at Jeremy. Christ alive, he was just as inexperienced with compliments as Jean was. Kevin shook his head and leaned back, reaching for his door to make a quick escape.
"I owed it to him," Kevin murmured right before he slipped out of the car, struck back to that small, vulnerable side of himself Jeremy hadn't really known existed. "It was my fault he was there in the first place." Jeremy watched him scramble out of the car. He didn't know what that meant, but he felt it was a safe bet that wasn't as true as Kevin thought it was.
"He never found a good enough reason to do the same for me, it seems," Jean muttered once Kevin was out of earshot. And that was the core of it, wasn't it? In the end Jean was hurt because he didn't think Kevin cared about him the way he hoped he did. Which, knowing Jean the way he does, Jeremy would put good money on that not being nearly as true as Jean thought it was either.
"Maybe he couldn't," Jeremy suggested instead. "Maybe he would now, if you asked." Jean doesn't respond to that other than a scoff. Jeremy can see him start to think about it, then shut that thought down.
"This was a bad idea," Jean grumbled before he jerked the car door open and stalked over to where Kevin stood by their door, his stony composure back in place. Just as Jean started to doubt, Jeremy found himself more sure than ever that they needed this. That he wanted both of them to find a little bit of peace with each other at least. That he wanted the three of them to be able to spend time together without feeling like it would suffocate them all at once.
"Maybe," Jeremy said to himself with a smile before he followed his troublesome charges to the door.
The nice part about having to shell out to rent a two bedroom apartment because the landlord probably won't rent to you if he thinks you're gay, is that you have a built in guest room. Jean has been giving Kevin the tour of the apartment, the two of them arguing and bitching at each other the whole time, but Jean still slips in little reassurances that he had needed to hear when he had first started existing as a singular person. You can use this without asking. There's no rules against this. Here's who you can reach out to if you can't get a hold of us. Kevin would soften in those brief moments, dull a little around the edges, nod, then go right back to picking a fight.
They go on like that for the whole day, and Jeremy would start to worry that they were truly irreconcilable if he hadn't watched Jean let Kevin follow him around like a lost little duck even if they argued. There was hope for them yet, Jeremy knew it. Though he couldn't lie, he found he very much enjoyed when Kevin decided to attach himself to Jeremy. He loved watching Kevin soften up, the shy way he tried to plaster himself to Jeremy's side without interrupting whatever he was doing. He liked listening to Kevin bitch and whine with absolutely zero follow through.
Kevin had, however, managed to break Jeremy's heart in tiny little ways many times over in less than twenty four hours. Jeremy was used to the stubborn submission of Ravens by now. The way they followed orders with squared shoulders, like it was an honor to be beat half to death when they got it wrong. Kevin didn't have any of that. Kevin, when given instruction, direction, or just advice, is small. His shoulders stay low, his eyes stay down-turned. The Son of Exy, Riko's #2, Queen of the Court, has no pride in whatever suffering he's been hiding. And Jeremy knows he's been hiding it, because when Jean thinks neither of them are looking Jeremy can see the same wide-eyed disconcertion in Jean's every side glance.
"You can't fix us," Jean warned as they crawled into bed that night, Kevin tucked safely away two doors down the hall.
"I resent that accusation," Jeremy huffs with faux disbelief. He shouldn't be surprised in the slightest that Jean had caught on to Jeremy's attempts to sneakily facilitate those softer moments Jean had put on the table with Kevin. Jean knew Jeremy better than he knew himself sometimes.
"Please. You are not subtle," Jean chided as Jeremy stretched out next to him like a satisfied cat.
"I don't need to fix you," Jeremy insisted. And he meant it. "All I need to do is remind you guys that you love each other, and voila! You're both less soul-crushingly sad being around one of the most important people in your life, and I get to keep both of you around. Mission successful."
"Jeremy," Jean warned. And it was entirely unfair, because Jeremy has never gotten over how much he likes the sound of his own name with Jean's pretty, lilting accent wrapped around it. "Do not spend your break on lost causes."
"I'm not," Jeremy insisted, leaning over to kiss Jean, just quickly, just to catch the lingering taste of his name on Jean's tongue. Jean scowled at him disbelievingly. "I'm spending my break reminding some people I care about a lot that they also care about each other a lot."
"I don't."
"Jean."
"He certainly doesn't."
"Christ, Jean!" Jeremy sighed, flopping his head down onto the arm Jean has splayed across Jeremy's pillow. Jean had kept his gaze resolutely on the ceiling. "I'm serious. You guys care about each other like crazy. It's obvious to everyone but you two. I'm not trying to fix it, I just want you both to be a little less miserable about a non-issue."
"It's not a non-issue."
"It will be, once you guys actually talk about what happened to you."
"He knows what happened to me."
"And do you know what happened to him?"
"Nothing happened to him."
"That's complete bull, and you know it. You're mad at him for not talking about it, sure, but even I know that there's something wrong." Jeremy shifted to make Jean look at him. This was important. "Maybe a kid who's had PR training beat into him since he was in single digits is pretty good at hiding trauma from the teenager who was in love with him and wanted to believe he was safe and stable."
"You're wrong," Jean growled. Jeremy could tell he was trying to convince himself more than anything. Jeremy had learned pretty early that sometimes Kevin was simply the easiest place for Jean to dump all the bitter contradictions he'd brought with him from the Nest. "And I'm not babysitting him. He can suck it up. He's Kevin Day."
"He was just a kid too, Jean." Eight years old. Jeremy had looked it up. Kevin Day was orphaned and then left with his deranged godfather at eight years old. Jean softens, just a little, for just a second. Jeremy wondered if Jean was trying to imagine Kevin that little. He'd certainly seemed too small in the pictures Jeremy saw. But then Jean huffed petulantly, shut down that avenue with a sense of finality. That's okay, Jeremy knows the game they're playing. He turns to snuggle his back up against Jean's side, so Jean couldn't see the mischievous little grin Jeremy couldn't fight.
"Probably for the best," Jeremy sighed melodramatically. "We were going to have to figure out what to do with him during practice tomorrow, I guess now we can just leave him here for a few hours."
"We can't just leave him here, maybe one of the freshman could-"
"Gotchya!" Jeremy accused, flipping over with speed as Jean's very fast and very concerned response betrays him immediately. For all his posturing, Jeremy knew Jean would never leave Kevin to drown. Jean turns bright red as he's caught. Jeremy can't help but giggle at his bashful little face, lean over to smack a comically loud kiss on his cheek. "Relax, I already texted coach. Kevin is cordially invited to as many practices as we need."
"I hate you," Jean muttered, rolling over to crush Jeremy under him in retaliation. Jeremy laughs again, kissing Jean's head as he tucks his face against Jeremy's neck.
"Yeah, yeah, you said that to Kevin too," Jeremy teases. Jean grumbles something French and incomprehensible in response to that, but doesn't move from his spot. Jeremy presses another kiss into his hair before he reaches to switch off their bedside lamp, settles in and wraps himself around Jean as much as he can, feels Jean relax against him as his worrying about Kevin starts to ease off his shoulders.
Jeremy carded a hand through Jean's hair, waiting for his own latent anxiety to melt away as Jean drifted to sleep. For all Jeremy's teasing and all Jean's protesting and all Kevin's reluctance, Jeremy was more convinced than ever that for the three of them, it was now or never.