Chapter Text
I remember I am aroace exactly 3 earth days after giving the entire contemporary human science to Eridian researchers in the form of a computer. It just… never came up apparently so my brain just didn’t give me answers, which was fine, it was fine, I totally wasn’t freaking out right now or anything.
Okay, I was. The reason I remembered was because Stratt apparently put pirated porn in the computer. And. You know. Eridian researchers found it.
So now, I, Ryland Grace, sole representative of Earth on Erid, had to explain to a panel of scientists why porn existed. While freshly remembering being sexually repulsed aroace and rapidly connecting the dots of why I had no one to die for before I was sent on this suicide mission (sike).
Well, it isn’t like I was alone because I didn’t want relationships, it was that everyone else fudging left for their own heteronormative amatonormative stupid little—
“Grace (casual, important) feeling alright, question. | Are you feeling alright, Grace?” the voice I now recognise as Adrian asks, and that is making my already abused and tired brain reel even harder because I didn’t know they were there in the panel!
I guess it makes sense considering they appointed themself the head of Project Save Grace sometime between us (that is me and Rocky) first establishing radio contact with Erid, and now. It probably happened while I was sleeping, because I was doing that a lot in the past few months and I really wasn’t feeling like explaining PORN to those people. Rocks. Rock people. Reople.
I start nodding in answer to their question but it rapidly dissolves into shaking my head and twitching and they immediately call for an end to the meeting before it could truly begin.
God bless Adrian. No, honestly, they are literally so good and so smart and learnt everything they could about me from Rocky within the three months we had radio contact and they know my tics and what makes me tick and how I look when I’m distressed so it’s really no surprise and—
Agh, I’m so tired and hungry and I don’t want to think about it.
I feel like a bug in a jar despite Erid’s best attempts. I don’t regret saving Rocky, and entirety of Erid while at it, but I am also not not regretting subjecting myself to a long death from starvation despite my best attempts at making do.
I figured out yeast and some fungi and limited amount of enzymes before I became too tired and hungry to function in the lab without an accident, but that was about it. All my research was now in Eridians’ hands and I could not care less whether they succeeded or not.
Okay, another bold faced lie. I don’t wanna die. I do not wanna die. Not now when I have someone I’d have died for, but who I also want to live for.
I hear three knocks at the xenonite wall dividing me from Adrien. I can hear depressurisation chamber working so they probably called Rocky on and they (and isn’t that a change to get used to for my starved brain) are coming in to help me calm down in an advanced xenonite suit that is almost mesh-like.
I am too tired to even look up at them. I just make a wheezing noise that they learnt meant I’m listening.
“Grace (casual, important) distressed statement. Heart rate went up (fact). Belonging to right lung bronchial tubes constricting, belonging to left lung bronchial tubes constricting even more (fact). Wrong what with subject question. | You are distressed. Your heart rate went up. Your right lung’s bronchial tubes are constricting, but your left lung is even worse. What was wrong with the subject?”
I do not want to explain queer identities to a species that has neither non-reproductive partnered sex nor gender nor romance in the human sense.
“I want to rest,” I rasp out and realise they were right, my lungs are constricting, like I’m on the verge of panicking.
That’s the moment Rocky barrels into my habitat and narrowly avoids squashing me into a pulp by slowing down and stopping millimetres away from my fragile legs. I am not above admitting I’m fragile. You try to survive on comma slurry for three years.
Who am I talking to. There’s no one in my mind but me.
“Grace (casual, derogatory) go sleep exclamation. | Go to sleep, bitch!” Rocky insists, “I watch (low-soon) sleep statement . Grace sleep (past) I days, ∀+V+ℓ seconds (ago—long) long for malnutritioned fledgling human (casual, tender/derogatory). | I will watch you sleep from now until you wake up. You last slept 10 hours ago—too long ago for a malnutritioned baby.”
“I am not a baby,” I murmur, but crawl towards the sleeping bag anyway. I wish I had enough strength to walk like a human, not crawl like a bug, but I still haven’t gotten used to the gravity.
“Grace (casual, derogatory) stupid because small small to no food. Grace (casual, derogatory) feel better-small when rested statement. Biologists (researchers, experts, esteemed) say they have first nutrients ready soon , in less than ∀ days, ∀IVℓℓ seconds exclamation Grace (fond, cherished) feel better soon. | You are stupid because you have little to no food. You feel slightly better when rested. Our biologists say they’ll have first nutrients ready in less than 30 hours! You’ll feel better then.”
I drift off as soon as Rocky positions themself over me protectively.