Chapter Text
Author’s Note: This story contains graphic domestic violence and recovery themes. Please check tags carefully.
'How am I going to cover this up?', I ask myself staring in the mirror
Regular foundation is not going to work.
I have to be at work in two hours and I have no idea how I'm going to fix this
I stare at my face
I have a black eye, a bruise on my cheek and a hand print around my neck.
Thank god there's no cuts on my face.
Only on my arms where the fucker scratched me but I can cover those with a long sleeved tee or hoodie.
Everyone's gonna notice these especially Yoongi.
He's going to be furious if he finds out.
That can't happen.
I don't know what he'll do if he finds out
I sigh
I guess I have to break out the special effects full coverage cream foundation and concealer
Its really hot today so I can only hope that the cream products don't melt off me
I grab the cream products, a brush and start
A few weeks ago
Yoongi POV
"Close your damn eyes Yoongi! This is the fourth time you fucked up the eyeshadow!", Joanne snaps
I can't help but laugh
"It's not funny! I can't keep taking this stuff off and putting it back on.
"Yeah you can", I tease
"If you want irritated eyelids then I can"
"Ok ok. I'll keep my eyes closed."
I close my eyes and I feel her gently moving a brush over my eyelids
I get the urge to open them again but I fight it.
I can't help it.
I just want to look at her
I always want to look at her
But she'll murder me if I do
Joanne is one of BTS's makeup artists
She's also my best friend
I remember when she moved to Daegu from New York when I was eight
This weird little girl in my class
Who wasn't Korean and didn't speak the language.
She sat behind me and I remember her being so scared that first day
No one talked to her
I don't know if it was because they didn't want to or because they didn't understand her.
I didn't know English so I couldn't talk to her
But even back then, she took my breath away
She was beautiful
I was too young to be into girls like that but I knew she was very pretty with her long dark brown hair and dark brown eyes that shined
And I knew she was different
My parents knew about her when I went home that night and talked about her
My mom told me that she lives on the next block with Maria
Maria is good friends with my mom and is the new girl's sister
My mother told me she was seven but because of the differences in schools between here and the U.S. she was put in my class with older kids
I also found out that her parents and brother died in a car crash and her sister, Maria brought her here to take care of her
Maria works for a business firm that transferred her here a few years before Joanne came
My mother told me that I should be nice to her
The next day, again everyone left her alone
At lunch I saw her sitting by herself reading a book.
One of the girls walked by her and slapped the book from her hand
I found out that day how tough she is
Even then she didn't take anyone's shit
She got up, picked up her book and yelled at the girl
No one knew what she was saying but from her aggressive body language we knew she was pissed
She turned away from the girl and walked back to her seat, opened her book and started reading again
My mouth hung open in shock
Girls don't normally do that or at least the ones I've been around
Usually the girls will gang up on one girl and that one would just take what they did.
But not her
So the next day I decided to try to sit with her at lunch
It was a very awkward first meeting
She was sitting, again reading a book when I went and sat across from her
She glanced up at me and rolled her eyes
She started to get up but I said, "Wait" in Korean
I know she didn't understand me, but she stopped when I spoke
I motioned for her to sit back down
She eyed me but she sat
I introduced my self just by saying my name and pointing at myself
"Min, Yoongi?", she repeats, "So Min?"
I shake my head
"Yoongi"
"Yoongi", she repeats
Then I motion to her
I know the teacher told us her name but I didn't remember
"Joanne Russo", she says
I repeat her name, then ask, "Russo?"
"Joanne", she says
"Joanne"
Then I say, "Russo, Joanne"
She wrinkles her nose, "What?"
By her face I knew she doesn't understand
So I try to explain
"U.S. Joanne Russo. Korea Russo, Joanne"
I didn't know how else to tell her we used our last names first here.
But after a few seconds I saw she understood
"Oh ok"
From then on we were inseparable
Her sister and my parents were good friends, so we'd spend time with each other after school too
I learned that Joanne could speak three languages already; English, Spanish and Italian.
And now she was learning Korean
And I could only speak Korean
She caught Korean pretty quickly.
When I asked her to help me with English, she did but I sucked.
So we spoke and still mainly speak Korean.
Joanne isn't like other girls
I know everyone says bull crap like that but she really isn't
She tough and doesn't take shit from anyone.
She got into a lot of fights in middle and high school.
It was because all the girls hated her
She was different.
She looked different
She's a mix of spanish and Italian and there's just not that many people like her here.
And like I said, she's gorgeous
So every guy wanted her, including me
And that got the girls mad
Because the guys they liked, liked Joanne
Even though she made it clear she didn't want any of the guys
I think the guys just liked her because she isn't Korean
They used to call her "exotic"
Fucking idiots
They used to try to get me to set them up with her but no way was that happening
So she used to fight back when the girls ganged up on her
She did have a few boyfriends while in high school but nothing was serious
The best part was that she supported me and my music from when we were kids, and even when my parents didn't
She'd listen to every song I made and gave her honest opinion in a constructive way
She helped me anytime I needed it
She would come with me when I tried to get my music out there
When I became active in the underground hip hop scene she came to every performance I had
She helped me with getting my name out there as a rapper and producer
When we graduated high school, she told me she was moving to Seoul for school and asked me if I wanted to come with her
So we both moved to Seoul and lived in an apartment together
I was so happy about that and she was fun to live with
But it was only for a short time
She got a job at an entertainment company called BigHit as a make up artist, while she was still in school for make up
She came home one day telling me that BigHit was holding a rapping audition/competition and I should go.
She came with me and even though I didn't win the competition, I was signed as a trainee and producer
And she's been there for me every step of the way for BTS
From when I moved into the dorm, to the dancing I complained about, to the songs I wrote, she was there.
And I was ecstatic when she told me that BigHit placed her as the main makeup artist for BTS.
She met the guys and they became friends but they all know about our history.
She's been there for me for everything in my life
And I'm madly in love with her
I have been since we were teenagers, since we we're fifteen
I can't tear my eyes away from her whenever she's near me.
We can all be hanging out and I just sit there and stare at her.
I always look away when she looks at me so she doesn't catch me
I'm so in love
But I can't tell her
I'm too scared that she won't feel the same
And I'm too scared to ruin our friendship
I never want to lose her, so I keep quiet
Even if it's killing me
"Finally!", she says
I open my eyes and see her throwing down her brushes
"You're all good for the music video. But if they yell at me because you're late, I'm blaming you!"
I roll my eyes
"Fine"
"It is you're fault! You kept opening your eyes!"
"Ok ok, sorry"
"Whatever, if that bandanna messes up your foundation I'm gonna be pissed", she whines
"I can't help that! It gets hot and I sweat"
"You better not!"
"You sound ridiculous", I say
"I know! I'm hangry right now!", she complains
I laugh
"Ok go get something to eat and stop whining"
She sticks her tongue out at me and walks away
Fuck, I love her
J POV
Damn Yoongi
Making me do his make up four times
The guys are shooting the "Mic Drop" video today and Yoongi was the last one whose make up I had to do
He can be so irritating
But as I watch him film the video my annoyance fades and I feel what I always feel for him
Love
Not just best friend love but in love love
My best friend and I had to fall in love with him
It happened when we were fifteen
We were hanging out and I just looked at him and realized.
But he never seemed interested in being with me or any girls really
He had a girl he liked in high school but never did anything
He had a few idol girlfriends, which killed me, but they didn't last long with their busy schedule and having to hide it
When I asked him recently if he wanted a girlfriend to gauge his reaction he just said, "No I don't need one. My music is more important"
And that is why I can't tell him how I feel
He doesn't want a girlfriend
There's also no way he'd want me
He's proven that when he dated other idols
And I don't want to mess up our friendship by telling him when he obviously doesn't feel the same
So I keep my mouth shut
I get a text and open it
It's from Han-jae
"Are we still going tonight or are you working?"
I text back, "We can go. The night shoot is tomorrow"
He texts back a thumbs up
Han-jae is a guy I'm dating
I don't know how I feel about him
But I can't pine over Yoongi my whole life
I've dated other people before, especially when Yoongi had girlfriends
But it never lasted more than a few months
It's my problem
They're fine guys, they're just not Yoongi
I met Han-jae at a restaurant when I went with Yoongi to get food
When Yoongi went to the bathroom, he came up to me and asked if that was Min, Yoongi from BTS
I nodded and he asked if I was his girlfriend
I laughed
I wish
I told him no and that Yoongi is my best friend since we were kids, but that's all
He introduced himself and talked to me for a few minutes then he asked for my number
I hesitated but agreed
Han-jae was still at the table when Yoongi came back
So I introduced Han-jae to Yoongi and they were polite to each other
When Han-jae left saying he'd call me, Yoongi teased me for the whole night and next day
I've been seeing Han-jae for almost two months
I like him, he's nice, sweet and cute but there's something weird about him
He's moody
And he really doesn't like Yoongi
I noticed he gives me faces or dirty looks or snaps whenever I mentioned Yoongi or that I was with or going to hang out with Yoongi
When I asked him what his problem was, he didn't given me a specific reason why, just said that Yoongi rubs him the wrong way.
I can see that.
Yoongi can be cold and look rude to people who don't know him
But he's really a sweet, caring and lovable guy
I made sure Han-jae knew that Yoongi is my best friend and he's not going anywhere.
That I'll never drop Yoongi for anyone and that if he wants to be with me he needs to accept Yoongi
Han-jae said fine but he didn't sound happy
But I don't really care
"Hi", I say to Han-jae, as I sit at the table
I just got to the restaurant and he was already sitting at a table, waiting
"Hi"
He leans in and gives me a kiss
"So what's new?", he asks and smiles
We spend time talking together while we eat
I'm telling him about my day
"And he opened his eyes again and messes it up for the fourth time. I told him if he did it again, I'd murder him", I'm saying, "He didn't"
Han-jae nods but I can tell something's wrong
"Uh what's wrong?"
"Hmm nothing?"
"Han-jae", I say
"It's just Yoongi", he says
"Not this again", I sigh
"I just don't really like how much time you spend with him. You're my girlfriend, not his"
"I've told you over and over, he's my best friend, of course I'm going to spend time with him."
"But.."
"Look Han-jae, I'm not talking about this again ok? Yoongi is staying in my life, so if you want me, you get him too. That's up to you", I tell him
"Of course I want you", he replies
"Then you need to accept Yoongi"
"Fine"
I can tell he's still upset but I can't deal with it any more
"I'm really tired and I have to be up late tomorrow night, so I should get as much sleep as I can tonight", I say, making up an excuse
"Ok. Yeah I understand. I'll walk you to your car"
He pays and takes my hand
I wish it was Yoongi's
Yoongi's hands are amazing, the way he plays a piano, the way they look
And I need to stop
Christ
We get to my car and I say goodbye to Han-jae
He kisses me and I get in the car
I drive home, wishing it was Yoongi who kissed me
~1 week later~
"Joanne?", I hear Han-jae yell as he swings the door to my apartment open
Fuck
I regret giving him a key
"Yea?", I call
I hear the door slam
Shit
He's in a mood and I really don't want to argue with him
He's been off ever since our date last week
I've been having to work a lot because the guys are promoting their album and need to make appearances
So they need their make up done
I saw Han-jae yesterday and he was acting weird when I told him I'd be hanging with the guys tonight
He comes into the bed room where I'm getting ready
"Where are you going?", he demands
"Uh out?"
What the hell is his problem?
"With who?"
"The guys. I told you this yesterday"
"Is Yoongi going to be there?"
"Of course he is. We're all gonna watch a movie at the dorm", I say
"You saw Yoongi already today didn't you?", he accuses
"Yeah we went out to eat. Then he asked me to listen to the song he's working on."
"I told you I don't like him.", Han-jae says angrily, "I told you I don't want you hanging out with him."
I'm getting so pissed off
"And I told you that that's not gonna happen. I told you Yoongi is my best friend, since I was a kid. I'm not dropping him for anyone."
"Well if you want to be with me then you can't see him anymore"
Is he fucking kidding me?
"Fine. Then leave. Yoongi is staying in my life. Either get over it or leave.", I shout
I stand up and walk out of the room
"Where are you going?", he roars at me
"I told you already. You need to leave too.", I say and turn away from him
"Don't walk away from me!"
He grabs my arm, turns me to face him and slaps me across the face
My head snaps to the side and pain explodes on my cheek
Did he just?
Did he just hit me?
Seriously?
Hell no
I turn to him and see him staring at me in anger
Motherfucker
I pull my arm back and punch him in the face
His head snaps back as I yell, "Don't ever fucking touch me"
He rights himself then, swings and punches me in the eye
Pain explodes and I yell out
Raising my hand, I slap him as hard as I can
"Get the fuck out. Get out now! Before I kill you", I scream
"Joanne, I-"
"Get out now!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Get out. We're over. I never want to see you again.
"I-"
"Get. The. Fuck. OUT!", I roar
He closes his mouth and turn to leave.
"Jo-"
"Out!"
I slam the door in his face
Fuck
He actually hit me
What the fuck?
I go to my bathroom and I look in the mirror
My eye is puffy and is starting to turn purple
Shit
Now what?
I can't see the guys like this.
They'll ask questions
I don't know why buy I don't want them to know Han-jae hit me.
Even though I hit him back
I can't hang with them tonight
I get out my cell and call Yoongi
"Hey Yoongi."
"Hey Jo. You here?"
"Uh no. I can't come tonight, I'm not feeling well."
"What's wrong? I'll come over and hang with you. The guys can hang here."
"No!", I say loudly, "Uh no thanks Yoongi, it's ok. You don't have to"
"Why not?"
Great what do I say?
"Jo?"
Crap
Then I think of what to say
Something no guy wants to hear about
"Uh...it's that time...and you know how bad the cramps are.."
"Oh fuck, gross Joanne. Ok fine. I'll just tell the guys you're sick"
"Ok thanks Yoongi. I'm sorry"
"Yeah it's fine. Feel better"
We hang up and I groan
Fuck
I change and sit on my couch to watch tv, pissed off that I can't be with my friends
The next day Han-jae texts me all day
I had to put extra foundation on my face to cover up my bruised eye
I never wear foundation but I can't let the guys see the bruise
They have a photo shoot today and I have to do their make up.
That means getting very close to them where they can see anything on my face
While I was working my phone kept going off
"What the hell is wrong with this guy? He's texting you every minute", Yoongi complains
"I broke up with him", I answer
"Really? When?"
"The day before yesterday", I lie
"Why? I thought you liked him a lot?", Yoongi questions
Yeah right
'I only went out with him because you would never choose me to be with', I think
"Uh yea but it wasn't working out for me ....we had a fight and I just decided to end it"
"Well I'm sorry", he says
"Nah I'm fine. He's just trying to get me back."
"Maybe he's in looovvvveee", Yoongi teases
I wish Yoongi was
But I scoff and say, "Yeah right in two months? I don't think so"
He laughs
"Now shush and close your eyes so I can make you pretty"
"Hey! I'm always pretty!", he protests
"Sure Yoongi, sure"
After I do Yoongi, Jungkook and Hobi's make up I check my texts
"Joanne I'm sorry"
"Please can we talk?"
"Answer me"
"Don't ignore me"
I text him back, "Stop calling me. Stop texting me. It's over. I will never be with you or give you another chance. Not after what you did. So fuck off"
I block his number and go get something to eat
Over the next week, I don't hear from Han-jae because I blocked his number.
And it's been so peaceful
I had my locks changed because Han-jae had the keys to the old ones
I gave Yoongi a copy of the new one and told him to throw the other one away
When he asked why I changed my lock, I lied and said the landlord was asking if anyone wanted their locks changed because the ones that were on the doors were really old
It's true, they were, so not a total lie
I've also hung out with Yoongi everyday this week
Sometimes alone, sometimes with the guys
The bruise went down and I'm able to hide it with just concealer
I think I'm just going tell Yoongi how I feel about him
Tonight
It's killing me not being with him
I think our relationship is strong enough to overcome any rejection he'd give me
And I'm fully expecting rejection
Even so I will never not want him in my life so I still want his friendship if I can't have anything else.
I'm getting ready to hang out with Yoongi
I'm going to tell him how I feel and I'm so scared
I hear a knock on my door
What the fuck is this now?
I need to leave to meet Yoongi in five minutes
I open the door
It's Han-jae
What the hell does he want?
He glares at me
Then he grabs me by the neck
What the fuck?
He slams the door closed and slams me against the wall, hand still around my neck
"What the fuck Han-jae! Get off"
He slaps me across the face
"Shut up"
"What?", I shriek
I throw my hand out and hit him in the face
He slaps me again and yells, "Who do you think you are ignoring my texts and calls?"
"You're fucking ex-girlfriend who never wants to see you again!"
He punches me in the eye again
The same fucking eye that just healed
"What the fuck?", I shout and kick out at him connecting with his knee
He grunts in pain but lands another punch in my eye, then his hand squeezes close
I can't breath
I raise my hands and scratch at his arms trying to get him off me
I manage to draw some blood but he's still not letting go
He moves his other hand to mine and pulls one of my arms off him.
He digs his nails into my skin
"You shut up and listen to me. Do you understand?"
I nod
He opens his hand slightly and I suck in a breath
"You are staying with me. I love you. You can't leave me"
"No", I say
He pressed his nails harder in my arm until it starts to bleed
The pain comes quickly and I yell out
He slaps me again
"I hate yelling. Don't fucking make a sound. Take it like the tough bitch you think you are."
"Fuck you."
He switches hands holding my neck, then punches me in the opposite cheek
"No bitch, fuck you for trying to cut me out of your life."
"You're a psycho! I don't want to be with a psycho!", I yell
Another punch
In the side of my body this time
"You have no choice. You're mine, Only my mine."
"No"
He slams me against the wall again
"Yes you are. Or I'll kill you.", he threatens
Oh please
Is that supposed to scare me?
Because it doesn't
"Then kill me. I rather die than be with you.", I spit out, "Do it"
He smirks, "I thought you'd say that."
I glare at him hatefully
"Instead of you, I'll kill Yoongi"
And that scares the shit out of me
"No!", I yell, "I don't believe you!"
"Try me. You know it's easy to follow people, especially BTS since they are so popular and their schedules are posted online."
No
Oh no
"Yoongi does almost the same thing every day. He leaves the dorm, goes to his studio or to practice. Depending on the time he walks a lot to and from the dorm."
My eyes widen in horror and fear creeps up my body.
"If he's walking he always stops at the cafe right across the street from the dorm to get coffee. When he takes breaks he always goes to the back of the building where there's a few trees and a bench but is enclosed in BigHit property"
I feel tears form in my eyes
The bastard followed Yoongi
He knows his schedule, everywhere he goes
When did he do this?
After I broke up with him?
Or before?
"The guys take turns going out to get food, if they don't order in. Yoongi's day is Wednesday. He'll leave the building to either get in a car or walk to a restaurant."
He does, I know because sometimes I'm there with him and we go together
"When he's done with whatever's work he's doing he leaves and usually goes back to the dorm. But he also goes to get more food, or get more coffee in the cafe down the block from BigHit. He also goes a lot to the music equipment store to buy things or just look around. It's the one on 203rd avenue, a few blocks from his studio."
I listen to him in pure terror
I'm so scared he's going to hurt Yoongi
Because of me
"BigHit's system is easy to hack and I downloaded BTS' schedule. I know when and where all his events are. When he'll be performing, when their concerts are, when their photo shoots are, their travel plans, what airline their taking, what airport they're going from and to, where their hotels are and what his room number is."
He is crazy
He's psychotic
And he wants me
What the hell did I get myself into?
"It's easy to kill him anytime, anywhere. But I think I'll do it on a concert day. When he comes on stage for his solo."
I shake my head
"No", I whisper
"Bang!", he shouts and I jump
"Bye bye Yoongi. Shot to the head will take him out"
"You'll never get away with it. He's famous. They'll find you.", I whisper
"They didn't catch me last time"
What?
Did I hear him right?
Did he say last time?
"Lll..lllast time?", I stutter
"Remember two years ago when a girl named Pak, Sabrina was murdered?"
What?
I think for a second
Sabrina?
Sabrina?
Holy shit
The girl from Busan
"Oh my god.", I breathe
"Yeah."
"You killed her?"
"And her new boyfriend too. She thought she could leave me too. She was wrong"
"Nnnn....no. You didn't", I gasp
"Yeah I did. I have pictures too if you'd like to see."
"What?"
He pulls out his phone, still holding me against the wall, looks through it then turns it to me
I scream
There's a picture of a girl laying on the floor.
Her eyes are closed.
She's laying in a puddle of blood.
There's so many wounds on her body and a gunshot wound to her forehead.
I gag
He swipes and shows me picture after picture of the girl.
Of the boyfriend who's throat he slit.
Of himself next to her and his body, a smile on his face.
His face covered in blood.
"Oh my god. Oh my god!", I start to cry
He's fucking sick
He's like those psychos on those documentaries.
"So you see I'm not bluffing. She tried to leave. But as long as you don't, I won't have to kill anyone.", Han-jae explains
"I..I..", I stutter
"And I know what you're thinking. You'll call the cops. But if you do Yoongi will be dead. I'll take him out before they catch me."
"Why me? Why me?", I ask, crying
Why does shit like this happen to me?
All I wanted is to try to forget about loving Yoongi
Why did I have to pick the sociopath?
Why was I such a chicken shit and not tell Yoongi how I feel about him?
If I did I never would of met Han-jae and this wouldn't be happening
"Because you're everything I want. I love you. I want you. And I don't want you to leave me."
"I..Iii..if I stay, you do not touch Yoongi. The second you touch him, I will go to the cops. Or I will kill you.", I threaten
"Reasonable. There are some rules though."
"What are they?"
What can he possibly have rules for?
"I know where you are at all times and who you're with. You can see Yoongi at work but don't talk much to him. You do his make up and that's it."
I nod
I don't see how that is going to work since Yoongi is my best friend
"You don't talk to him on the phone or text him. If he texts you, you give me the phone and I will respond. You don't hang out with him alone. I will let you see the guys and he can be there so no one gets suspicious but you do not talk to him a lot. I will come most of the time with you. But if I don't, know that I always find things out. So don't try to be sneaky."
"O....ooo....ok", I say shakily
I have to protect Yoongi
He can't die because of me
Because I messed up and got involved with a murderer
But most of all because I love Yoongi with all my heart and I won't let anything happen to him
He deserves everything in the world and I have to make sure he stays in it
I don't care about me
"If you do these things and be with me then I won't touch or kill Yoongi. Break any and he's dead."
"Ok. Ok. I won't.", I promise
"Good. Now tell Yoongi that you can't meet him. That I came to talk to you and you agreed to hear me out"
"How did you know-"
"I always know", he answers
He lets me go and I get my phone
I text Yoongi
"Let me see", Han-jae says and takes the phone away
Yoongi responds and Han-jae texts him right away.
He tosses the phone to me
"I'm going to go now. You are going to stay here. Text him in an hour and tell him we're back together. Tomorrow I'll meet you here after work and we'll go out ok?"
"Ok", I mumble.
"Good",
Then he turns and leaves
I slide down to the floor and I cry
'How am I going to cover this up?', I ask myself staring in the mirror
Regular foundation is not going to work.
I have to be at work in two hours and I have no idea how I'm going to fix this
I stare at my face
I have a black eye, a bruise on my cheek and a hand print around my neck.
Thank god there's no cuts on my face.
Only in my arms where the fucker dug his nails into me but I can cover those with a long sleeved tee or hoodie.
I lift my shirt and see the dark bruise on my right ribs from his punch last night.
Again a shirt will solve that problem.
It's the ones on my face
Everyone's gonna notice them especially Yoongi
He'll be furious if he finds out
That can't happen
I don't know what he'll do if he finds out
I don't know what Han-jae will do
But I do know that he does not want anyone finding out about him hitting me
Or Yoongi dies
I sigh
I guess I have to break out the special effects full coverage cream foundation and concealer
It's really hot today so I can only hope that the cream products don't melt off me
I grab the cream products, a brush and start