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Not long following their wedding the new Mr and Mrs Farnon discussed visiting her son Edward and his family in Sunderland. Audrey suggested that it might be best if she went alone for the first trip, wanting to show and assure her son that her love for him didn't change. That she would be there for them the same way before she married Siegfried, and her husband agreed. Of course he was dreading the time they would spend apart, just like he did before, but he already had the most serious assurances he could ever have about her personal commitment of always returning to him, given the fact that she was his wife now, wearing his ring and name. Worried that she hurt his feelings by the exclusion, Audrey was especially affectionate and attentive, leading up to her trip, wanting to make up for not taking him with her and assuring him of her unwavering devotion.
It was going to be the first time they were apart since the wedding, and it only happened a handful of times before throughout their decade-long partnership. Almost all of those few instances were her visiting her son's family and occurred since her return to Skeldale following her three years of absence, and all before they acknowledged their feelings for each other.
Audrey as always was not concerned about herself but instead her thoughts revolved around making sure her new husband would have everything while she was away and ways to show her son how important he was to her still.
Although Siegfried didn't like the idea of being apart from his wife, and his fears of being left alone, of her not coming back haven't disappeared completely, he tried his best to remind himself that she loved him, chose him and promised to be by his side for better for worse. He respected Audrey, knew from the beginning of their acquaintance over a decade ago that she had a son, who was the most important person to her. Having stood by her through their years of estrangement, the last thing he wanted was to cause her any kind of pain through her relationship with Edward.
In the days leading up she baked more than usual, spent a great deal of time in the kitchen, which of course didn't go unnoticed by Siegfried. It started to concern him that she wouldn't be able to enjoy her stay in Sunderland, from worry or guilt.
"Darling, are you trying to feed an army? Or are you leaving me for a longer time than I'm aware of?"
He gently teased her, all the while managing to snatch a piece from the food spread on the table, when he walked into the kitchen, finding her rigorously baking for the second day in a row, in the middle of the day before her departure.
"Don't you have patients to get back to?" she retorted, throwing him a glare.
Well aware that he couldn't tell Audrey Farnon what to do, he tried a different approach.
"I'm beginning to suspect you think me incompetent!" he said, trying his best to sound offended.
She didn't react to his accusation, instead just said, sending him another glare "I remember someone always boasting that the animals come first."
Checking that no one was around, he stepped behind her and put his arms around her middle pulling her into him, nuzzling his nose behind her ear.
"That's right, Mrs Farnon..." he murmured, while planting a kiss on her neck and trying furtively to get her restrictive clothes out of the way for further exploration "... only there is this lovely woman, my wife, in my arms, who will always be the one exception that comes before everyone else for me."
"Charmer" Audrey huffed "Now shift and get on. We both need to finish our work, Mr Farnon, if you want me in your arms by the evening." She managed to sound both stern and suggestive at the end.
Not daring to chance her being mad at him so close to their parting, he acquiesced, deciding instead to focus on their last evening and thinking about ways to appreciate and pamper his wife.
As he left her territory, Audrey’s last thought was an affection "daft apeth", before she refocused on her cooking and baking, trying to smother her anxieties of her son feeling left out or her husband spiraling in her absence.
The other residents of Skeldale, knowing it was the last night for the newlyweds before their first time apart, made themselves scarce after dinner.
Earlier Siegfried had thought about taking her out, giving her a night of fun as a farewell, but knowing her and that she would be working herself over in order to leave the house spotless and the pantry stocked, and that he shouldn't try to stop her, for this was something she took pride in and the way she showed her love and care, he was content with ensuring a relaxing night in for her. He poured them a night cap, and settled on the sofa, with their arms around each other they went over everything regarding the events of the upcoming few days one last time. Siegfried tried his best to assure her that he was going to be fine, that she should only think of Edward, Betty and Mary while she was away. He would miss her, but work would keep him busy, the others would keep him in line, and in his free hours he could always spend a little more time with their godson and Rosie.
They retired upstairs early where Siegfried was set out on providing her an evening of carnal pleasure, eager to go down on her. After pushing her over the edge first, they had made slow sensual love together. Afterwards they laid sated and bare under their sheets, Audrey finally voicing some of her deeply buried concerns about her trip, that they hadn't touched upon in the sitting room. Siegfried listened as they held each other, Audrey's hands drawing patterns into his skin, and reassured her regarding all her points of worry, of knowing that she loved him, that the sheer amount of food she had prepared spoke of it, though he told her she needn't go to so much trouble the next time, that spending this evening together, holding each other, the giving and receiving of pleasure all spoke of it, and while he would have been delighted to go with her, he completely understands her decision, that it was something he agreed to, and he would never want her to stop caring about Edward, if anything she had helped him and his little brother to nourish their own relationship, he would like to do the same for her and her son.
Audrey loved her husband deeply. His generosity and tender care for her floored her once again. Eager to please him as he did her, and reward him for his benevolence she intended to return his earlier favor.
“What are you doing?” he enquired, holding his breath.
“What do you think?” she looked up at him, her confidence hindering.
“Darling, you don’t have to…” he wanted this evening to be about her and he made to move, but she held her grip keeping their positions “If you are hungry for more, you only have to say the world…” he said, aiming to capture her with his hands.
She let him, allowing him to bring their faces closer and she leaned in to gently shower his face with kisses, and nuzzle him, as she whispered in his ears.
“You had your turn. It’s mine now.” and the devotion in her voice made him acquiesce.
The next morning, in the privacy of their home, they shared their last intimate kisses, before Siegfried drove her to Keighley station.
As her train pulled into the station, while holding onto the other's arm, they kissed each other's cheek.
“I’ll be back before you know it.” she told him, unclear who she was trying to assure more in her nervousness, before attempting to cover it all by teasing him “I put Jimmy in charge to keep you from misbehavin’.”
He pretended to be offended for a moment, just to keep the smile on her face longer.
“Don't think about us while you're there, my dear, just enjoy your time with Edward, and don’t forget to tell Mary how much I miss her.”
_
Audrey has always enjoyed spending time with her son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter. Equally whenever she has been away from Skeldale she was always happy to return there, to her home undoubtedly. She didn't expect this trip to be any different than the ones she had made, before she and Siegfried finally became a couple.
The first night she struggled to fall asleep in the same bed she had rested in every day for three years, when she lived there. She chalked it up to the increasing amount of time she spent away, of having fallen out of habit. The second evening went the same way, and she repeated to herself the same reason. By the third evening, she acknowledged that although she should be enjoying not having a care in the world, something bothered her, made her feel anxious, restless, uncomfortable, incomplete… and that the lack of sleep wasn't caused by unfamiliarity of the space around her, for which she only needed a night of adjustment. Still she largely wrote it off as her worries for how her new husband coped without her.
She was so out of sorts even during the day that Betty had noticed that something seemed off, and after pointing it out to her husband at the end of the second day, he too would discover new signs that something was not right, which was very unlike his mother. Still barely knowing the man she married, Edward immediately jumped to the possibility that contrary to what they had been told and he had seen with his own eyes, his mother was unhappy in her new marriage.
“Is everything all right, Ma?” he asked on the third evening finally, after observing her as she stared into the fireplace silently for a quarter of an hour.
She startled.
“Of course. What makes you ask that?” she replied, confusion and contrition flashing on her face.
“You’ve been staring silently ahead of yourself, fidgeting with your hands and you look tired.” Edward replied while looking at her scrutinizingly.
Audrey scoffed, ready to shift the focus away by playfully scolding her son for making unflattering remarks about her appearance.
“Is everything alright between you and Siegfried?” he tentatively asked, before she could cut in “You look like something has been on your mind... Has he done something?”
“No.” Audrey quickly interrupted “Everything is wonderful between us, love. We are very happy. There are some adjustments of course…” she added, smiling “... but I never thought I would ever feel like this.”
Her face instantly transformed into reflecting the genuine joy her young marriage brought her.
“Ma, we know you. Something has not been right with you, we can tell and we are concered…” Betty insisted, chiming in.
Audrey sighed, feeling a bit guilty and afraid they were misinterpreting her, she was aware there was no way out for her, if she had already alarmed her son and daughter-in-law.
“I guess I just worry about Siegfried. I hate that I’m not there to make sure he eats properly. Not just sardines. Sometimes he gets busy and forgets to eat and I don't want him to get lonely… There was an extended period during the war when he was alone at Skeldale, and he has been left behind in his life many times before...” she stammered.
She felt embarrassed revealing this much personal information about her husband and her inability to not be so concerned with his well-being for the limited period they were spending apart.
Edward and Betty shared a look.
“Aren’t the others there?”
“They are. I’m just being daft, fussin’ over him.”
“You’re not.” Betty replied full of sympathy, and Audrey at least slightly relaxed at that.
Although he was surprised that her mother came alone to visit, - having been told by them before, that they were eager for him to get to know Siegfried and for them all to spend more time together, - he hadn't pushed her on it, until this moment.
“Ma, did Siegfried not want to spend time with us? We were expecting him, with you, I thought he said we are family now.”
Audrey was taken aback, it never occurred to her that her son would interpret Siegfried's absence this way, and if she was honest she was a little surprised by her son’s apparent openness towards him, a contrast to his initial apprehension to their news.
“Oh no, he really wanted to.”
“Then why didn't he come?”
Audrey felt uncomfortable and would have given much not to be in this moment, but as it were, her unfailing honesty and usual straightforwardness demanded she spoke plainly.
“I asked him not to…” she admitted sheepishly, her eyes refusing to meet her son's, until she finally lifted them “I wanted you to know that us marrying, me having a husband, it doesn't mean I love you any less or that you matter any less to me. He understood, he supported my idea, although I could tell he was a bit disappointed. He kept asking me not to forget to give Mary his best…”
Her voice and face involuntarily turned fond at the thought of Siegfried with her granddaughter.
Edward was touched.
“Ma! I know how much you love us… what you did for me… what you always did… how you are with Mary… I don't doubt it.” he said his voice filled with emotions “I’m happy for you, Ma. I’ve seen how you two care for each other. You deserve every good thing, I’m glad you have, not just Siegfried, but everyone else at Skeldale loving you. I still barely know him, but the more I learn about him the more I like him.” his words hang in the air “You are welcome here any time, whether you come alone or with Siegfried, but he shouldn't stay away on our account, after all as you've said to me, now he is a part of our family and how else we are supposed to learn about each other if we aren’t spending time together?"
Audrey was beyond moved. She has been nervous about the changes her marriage to Siegfried would bring, and his integration into her small family. While her relationship seemed solid now with Edward, they’ve mended it during the three years they spent in this place together, the scars of the past made her cautious of anything that could undermine their bond. After all, it used to bother him that she worked for others and how much she cared about them, only for her to marry her boss and to have built a family with him, away from her own flesh and blood.
“If you really mean that…” she croaked, glancing at him and seeing him nod “Thank you, son.”
“Why don't you go and call him? Put your mind at ease that he is doing fine.” Betty once again joined in, hoping to help her mother-in-law with her suggestion.
And so Audrey, at their urging, went to call Skeldale. She felt her heart beating in her throat, anticipating hearing her husband's voice.
To her disappointment after an excruciatingly long time waiting, James picked it up and told her Siegfried was out on a call at one of the farms. Audrey couldn't believe her luck, but as always made great efforts to hide her disappointment. She had to make do with asking James, who wasn’t the most observant person, how they were all doing, before daring to ask explicitly how Siegfried had been doing, if he was eating with them and was his usual self, if he had gotten into new adventures with Jimmy.
She was reassured that he was fine, James attempted to joke about his moods lightheartedly, which she usually wouldn’t have minded, but didn't feel engaging in it now. She heard Helen’s voice shouting to James to ‘tell Aud not to worry’ and Jimmy came running to tell his Aunty Audrey about the latest animal droppings he identified with his Uncle Siegfried, as soon as he heard that she was on the phone.
The positive account had a somewhat calming effect on her, and an interaction with wee Jimmy was always uplifting. However her disappointment over not hearing him, of not being able to talk to him was overwhelming.
She felt ridiculous.
He was alright. The farm call didn’t sound too complicated according to his partner, besides he probably welcomed the distraction of work. Then why was she a mess? She tried her best to conceal her own puzzling feelings and cheerfully recount the conversation she just had to her son and daughter-in-law.
That night, just like during the previous ones, she struggled to sleep. Eventually she managed to fall into a fitful sleep, but woke up at some point. In the first moments of consciousness she searched for the warmth of her husband’s body and upon discovering he wasn't anywhere near, she remembered that he was called out and concluded he hadn't returned yet, but as she was patting around for her watch to check the time, she realized she was in Sunderland alone. She threw herself back down onto the mattress, putting an arm over her forehead, frustrated with herself.
It couldn't be. It was insanity to miss someone so much, that after a few months, following a decade on her own, suddenly she was unable to sleep without him next to her. She has been so occupied with worrying over how her visit would play out for Siegfried and Edward, and admittedly it was much easier for her to focus on others, she hadn’t noticed her own feelings. Now that they have grown so strong she could no longer ignore them. Their intensity scared her. Although she has worked through her own fears and talked through her reservations with Siegfried, - enough to take that leap and say yes to becoming his wife -, about allowing herself to love someone this thoroughly, to open up herself, and let herself be seen and taken care of, to trust someone without reservations and allow herself to depend upon him, to enter such a committed relationship, which slow disintegration once almost undid her, it didn't spare her from the startling realisation now that she had done all of that, and has become precisely as vulnerable. What if something happens in the future and one day he wakes up despising her? She knew her fears came from another man's actions, but it was Siegfried's closeness that brought them out, or her apparent misery in his absence. Experiencing these intense feelings of longing and connection to him, suddenly struggling to function when they were apart for a short while, when before she could go on as usual without any paralyzation, unnerved her. She felt a part of her missing as the days passed without him next to her, as if she missed an arm or a leg. Thinking back she couldn’t fathom how she was able to spend three years away from him, even thinking back to her last visit here after Christmas. What was wrong with her? How did she become such a mess? Was this how he felt during their years of separation? Why did no cuddle from Mary, no anecdote from Jimmy, no love from her son could soothe that ache for Siegfried’s presence, his touch, his voice? Nothing special happened with her during the day, but she missed sharing it with him anyway and hearing him tell her of his farm visits or the thing he saw that made him think of her that day. Despite how her longing for him, her reliance upon him terrified her, she thought him to be the only one who could help her in alleviating even those dark feelings too and that made her feel his absence all the more acutely. For he was her sanctuary now, where she turned to rest, for comfort, understanding and safety, as well as for fun and pleasure.
She was tossing and turning now, tears streaming down her face. Two more days and she would be back home with him. She was sure his mere presence would dissolve the majority of her distress, and if she was brave enough maybe she could tell him about the rest
Edward and Betty hoped that the phone call would bring the assurance Audrey needed, but her face the next morning looked even more worn out.
Betty knew her mother-in-law well, having lived with her in such close quarters, and when Audrey asked during the day if there was any bigger project she had been meaning to do, telling her that she would be happy to tackle it while she was there, she knew she wasn't as fine as she tried to show. Since Audrey moved back to Darrowby, whenever she came to visit she was mindful that it wasn’t her home anymore and although it was hard sometimes, she was mostly content with spending as much time with Mary as the little girl was willing to tolerate, and always asking her daughter-in-law, instead of assuming, what she could do around the house, which usually ended up being the cooking and washing up, to everyone’s satisfaction. She was notoriously bad at dealing with her own emotions and three nights of tossing were more than enough for her, she needed a task she could concentrate on that would take her mind off. On top of everything, now she felt immense guilt. Guilt for telling Siegfried to stay in Darrowby, for being unable to enjoy her time with her son and his family, and for the newfound understanding of how Siegfried might have felt when she had left him for three years.
Betty asked her how a day for them usually looked like and what she felt had changed (beside the obvious) since their wedding. Given that she couldn’t think of much else in her current state of mind, she admitted to her daughter-in-law, among other things, that she hadn’t anticipated how much she would miss him even during these few days, that it was something she was definitely not prepared for.
When Edward came home, and his mother was busy with his daughter, Betty relayed to him her conversation with Audrey, and how she felt she was really missing Siegfried. An idea formed in Edward's head. If there was something he could do to bring his mother joy, he wasn't going to hesitate. After all, he felt so much gratitude towards her for everything she had done for him, and he was always happy when something in return presented itself. He also hoped that it would show once and for all that he was truly intent on welcoming Siegfried as part of their family.
He made a call to Skeldale. It was Tristan who picked it up, but luckily Siegfried was close by and when his younger brother shouted for him that Edward was on the phone, he was instantly there.
As they ate their dinner Audrey summoned all her effort to be present and entertain Mary, but while her granddaughter was put to bed by both her parents, she subduedly tidied up the remnants of the meal. The evenings and nights seemed to be the hardest parts.
Betty just came into the room followed by Edward, when someone rang the bell.
“Who could it be at this time?” Audrey mused.
Her daughter in law shrugged as Edward went to answer. “How would you like to spend the evening? What should we do?" she asked.
“I’m not sure, do you have any ideas?”
The first evening they all went to the pub together to play darts, taking little Mary with them, the second night Audrey offered as usual to stay in with Mary and give the young couple a date night, the previous night they all stayed in and that’s when they first commented on her mood. As she was thinking about an upbeat way to spend their evening a familiar voice hit her ear, her heart immediately leaped, recognizing it as her husband’s, but her mind was quick to chastise, telling her it was not possible.
But the next moment Edward stepped back into the room, exclaiming “Look who I found at the door, Ma!”
She looked confusedly towards her son’s beaming face, in time to see Siegfried appear behind him.
“Hello, Betty!” her husband greeted her daughter-in-law, before smiling at her “Darling!”
She just stood there, her feet rooted to the ground with utter puzzlement written on her face.
Siegfried's expression fell at her wife’s reaction.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, baffled, finally finding her voice “Did something happen? Are you okay? Is it Tris, Jimmy or …?” her eyes widened in sudden worry and the words stumbled out of her mouth.
He had taken off his outerwear and was approaching her now, bewilderment taking over his features.
“Everyone is more than fine.” he quickly reassured her, then hesitantly added “You asked me to fetch you … I came as quickly as I could …” by now he held both of her upper arms, his eyes scrutinizing her.
“I didn’t…” she said on the verge of tears.
She was so confused. The thought that she has gone crazy and now was conjuring him up from missing him so much startled her. She was already emotionally spent from struggling in his absence, from the fear of being so attached to him that she could never function without him again, of trying to hide her turmoil from her family.
“What do you mean you didn’t? Edward called me this afternoon…”
After staring at each other silently for a long beat they both turned towards her son in synchronization.
“He told me you requested him to call me and ask me to come for you with the rover…”
“I did no such thing…”
As they spoke their eyes never left Edward, who squirmed under their gaze.
“Care to explain, son?” Audrey raised one eyebrow.
“I wanted it to be a surprise for you Ma and I thought if I told him that it was your request he wouldn’t say no, but I didn’t mean to alarm you or for you to race here today…”
“You didn’t…?” Siegfried asked befuddled “Then when was I supposed to come?”
“Tomorrow?”
“Oh”
Edward made sure not to sound alarming over the phone, and while Siegfried wondered what made his wife make such a surprising request, he never questioned it. He wasn't the type to deny her anything, even when she was ‘just’ his housekeeper. He didn't mind being reunited with her sooner, nor seeing her family after all, even if just for a few minutes.
“Did you think you would drive me back tonight?” Audrey asked her husband, trying to unravel the threads.
“Yes.”
“What did he say to you as a reason for me needing you and the car that couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”
Siegfried furrowed his brow. “He told me that there was nothing to worry about but your plans have changed, but we didn’t have much time to talk…”
“I didn’t say anything about today…” Edward chimed in “The line was cut off abruptly, but I thought we had discussed the necessary details, it must have been a misunderstanding… I’m sorry if I worried you, I hope I haven’t ruined any kind of plan for you. I just wanted to surprise Ma, she has been missing you and well, I wanted you to know that you are welcome here anytime. Ma told me that she asked you not to come, but she needn't worry about us feeling slighted. I apologize if I caused any inconvenience.”
“No need to apologize Edward, that’s all very kind of you, I appreciate it.” Siegfried quickly recovered, noting this was the most he had heard from his wife's son in one go, and being relieved that there was actually no problem, except… “So you actually want to stay tonight?” he turned questioningly at Audrey.
“Of course, I wasn’t aware of any other plans.”
“There might be a tiny bit of a problem…”
“The second Edward called, you got in the car without thinking and sped here like a lunatic, not bringing anything with you.” Audrey pronounced “Am I correct?” she asked, trying valiantly to fight off the smile from her lips and the laughter bubbling up in her throat.
“You might be…” Siegfried mumbled sheepishly, embarrassed to find himself not exactly invited in the late evening at her son’s home.
“I’m sorry…” he peered up from behind his lashes and Audrey’s resolve broke.
She finally launched herself at him, embracing him with such force he wasn't sure he ever experienced “Never mind that now, you ridiculous creature!” her exclamation tore from her in a sob.
She clung to him and he held her happily, basking in the chance to have her in his arms after four days. He might have embarrassed himself in front of his step-son and his wife, but he found it was worth it, touching and smelling Audrey, a day sooner no less, meant to him much more.
Their embrace lasted for long seconds.
“Would you mind sharing a single bed with me?” she asked quietly, though there was no way the other two in the room didn't hear it also.
“Not at all.” he replied “But…”
She didn’t let him finish but instead kissed him soundly, after which she turned towards her son once again, while he recovered from her unexpected display, given her usual consciousness regarding others' company.
“I take it you don’t have any objections.”
“Of course not, he can have whatever he needs from my clothes.” Edward thought about suggesting a different sleeping arrangement, having a hard time imagining the two of them at their age being able to fit onto his mother’s bed, but then thought better of it “I’m glad you will stay with us for a day, I only wish I’ve been smarter about making it happen. I apologize truly for being misleading.”
“Don’t mention it, I am grateful for your hospitality.” before adding “I take it little Mary is already asleep?”
“Aye.”
“I can’t wait to play with her tomorrow.”
Audrey beamed at her husband. Betty and Edward suddenly felt like they were intruding in their own home looking at the way the older couple still held each other.
“Siegfried and I are gonna go on a walk, we’ll be back soon, then we can play something, the four of us.” she said decidedly and took him by the hand leading him towards the door.
When they were out of the house and walking on the pavement hand in hand in the dark he asked “Audrey is everything alright? Where are you taking me?”
She didn't respond for a while, looking around and striding purposefully, until she abruptly stopped and drew him into a dark corner of the street, pushing him against a brick wall.
“I… I couldn't… I didn't want to do this in the house.” she panted, before claiming his lips in a searing kiss, that turned into another, and another, until it went on relentlessly.
Siegfried was slightly taken aback by it, but was otherwise too occupied to think about it. While lack of passion was never an issue between them, he wasn't sure they had ever engaged in quite such an intense kissing session. He expected their reunion to be extra special, but he thought that it would eventually happen in their own bedroom at night. However he wasn't going to question it, at least not before he thoroughly enjoyed it.
Their hands sometimes roamed on each other's bodies and sometimes stopped at places, pushing and pulling each other closer and closer, trying to merge, caressing each other's face, holding her hips, caressing backs, grabbing on to the back of the other’s head, gently fisting his hair at the nape of his neck.
Neither of them knew how much time passed until they finally broke apart, in need of air. They rested their foreheads against each other's, while they regained their regular breathing. They couldn't see much in the dark, but her sniffing noises alarmed him. He gently cupped her cheeks in both of his hands, and the wetness he felt under his palms confirmed his suspicions.
“Audrey, my dearest girl, will you tell me what’s this all about?”
“I never want to be parted from you, not even for a moment.” She repeated the words he had said to her last Christmas regarding finding his other half in a wavering voice.
When they finally confessed their feelings, the discussion about soul mates inevitably came up between them again, Siegfried explaining what he meant with it then, and Audrey telling him she had lost her belief in such romantic notions a long time ago. So it meant all the more that she used it now.
“Oh, darling, me neither.” he immediately replied “But it’s alright for you to come and be with your son for a few days.” he told her softly while stroking her face and staring into her eyes in the dark “…or for me to go to some veterinary event that takes me away from you for a couple of days, or whatever situation we might find ourselves in the future that requires us to be in different places.”
She just drowned in his eyes, soaking up his gentle, understanding, reassuring words and caresses.
“But I will always come home to you and the second you need me anytime, anyplace I’m on my way, just as I’ve come today when I thought you needed me.”
“I’m not sure if I ever felt this way, as if my limbs were missing, I couldn't sleep. I missed your voice, your touch, your smell, your mere presence… and it scares me. I can't lose you.”
“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours. I pledged myself to you.” he said slowly, and kissed her eyelids for emphasis “Hopefully we both have decades to live still, and even if something happened, we have a family, they would take care of you, you will never be left alone in this world again.”
His tenderness disarmed her.
“Is this how you felt when I left you?”
Although she couldn't make out everything in the dark, Siegfried clammed his mouth and his eyes wrinkled as he silently nodded.
“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault…” Audrey started immediately.
“No, no, it’s not.” he disputed as soon as he could manage to speak from the wave of emotions washing over him “You were right where you needed to be. We’ve been over this. The only mistake we made, that we both made, was that first we haven't been honest with ourselves and secondly with each other. And it’s more on me, I was the one who stopped responding, who hadn't come to the wedding... But we learned from it, haven't we? Look at you telling me how you’ve been feeling. I’m so proud of you, my darling.”
They kept a hold of each other’s gaze, and confirmed to each other what their words and kisses already conveyed. His thumbs hadn't left her cheeks either.
He took a deep breath and spoke again “I would be more than happy to stay out with you all night, canoodling on the street, but I believe you told Betty and Edward we won’t be long. So what do you say we head back, play a game with them, then you show me that bed of yours and I promise to hold you through the whole night and you can tell me everything that’s been on your mind, huh?”
“That sounds wonderful!” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment.
“I’m glad to hear it, Mrs Farnon!” and as he pushed themselves away from the wall and back towards the boarding house, he playfully pinched her behind.
Trying to get away from him she stumbled and giggles escaped her lips as he grabbed her from behind placing a kiss on her neck. Berthlessly tittering she pulled him back against a wall and they exchanged a few lighthearted kisses before they finally returned to Edward's. If their appearance suggested their main activity was not walking while they were away, her son and his wife didn't say a word.
The four of them ended up playing cards and had great fun. Audrey's equilibrium has been mostly restored by the presence of Siegfried, able to give herself over to the moment completely. They teased each other relentlessly. Audrey’s family were familiar with her mischievous side, having developed their own language of teasing. By the end of the evening Betty and Edward allowed themselves a comment or two at Siegfried's expanse too and vice versa. In every moment when not all four of their hands were otherwise occupied, the Farnons held onto each other to the great amusement of the younger couple.
It was late when they all retired for the night, Siegfried having been presented with a pair of misfitting nightwear from Edward. He curiously followed Audrey to her room and when his eyes fell on the bed he felt sorry for his own back. Audrey noticed it and immediately offered other options.
“We don't have to share. I can sleep on the floor or…”
“No, no.” he interrupted, immediately putting an arm around her waist and drawing her into his side “I promised to hold you, you need to sleep, we will make it work.”
“Alright. I will go and get ready for bed.”
When they were finally positioned in the bed Audrey enclosed between the wall and Siegfried, they caught up with each other on the four days they spent apart. She was tightly spooned by him and they played with each other's hands as Audrey bared her confusing feelings and frightening thoughts more elaborately than she previously did on the street. His body pressed against her, and the dark enveloping them, not having to face him, helped to loosen her tongue. She repeatedly told him how much she missed him and how much he came to mean to her. She also expressed her gratitude for how he always treated her and how much it touched her that he hurried over, if a little rashly, as soon as Edward asked him. She described how she struggled during the past few days in his absence, what it took for her to realize she wasn't just anxious over leaving him, how bereft she had felt without him and how terrifying a feeling it is. They discussed the feeling also through Siegfried's lens of having lost Evelyn to illness and having to survive without her.
As their conversation was winding down, in the first hour of the next day, and they were moving around in the tight place his hand accidently brushed over her chest, her body instantly reacting to it, her nipples hardening, her bum involuntarily pushing back into his groin, a sound leaving her throat.
“Siegfried”
“What dear?”
“Don't tease me!”
“I didn't intend to.”
“You are making me suffer! I never wanted you so badly!” she cried out in a low voice “I’ve missed you, but we can’t here, in this bed…”
“Well there are other ways if that's your only obstacle…”
“They could hear us…”
“We will just have to be quiet then, hmm?” he asked, this time deliberately cupping her bosoms and kissing her neck “I’ve missed you just as much, dear.”
She put her hands on his and while he thought she did so with the intention to push away his, instead she did it to keep his hands in place and increase the pressure, wiggling her behind into him.
“Show me.” she pleaded, before adding in a hiss “But I swear if we get funny looks at the breakfast table tomorrow…”
She felt him moving away and getting out of the bed.
“Where are you going? What do you think you are doing?” she asked, in an angry whisper, turning her head in his direction as he fumbled in the dark.
“Shh. I’m only following your request, Mrs Farnon.” he replied as he found his footing and assessed the best spot, looking back down at her in the bed “Come, darling.”
He led her a few steps away and pushed her against the wall that was not neighbouring her son's room, hoping with good chance that they were already asleep and wouldn't hear anything, after all no matter how careful they were trying to be at the furthest spot from them, they were bound to make some noise, which this tight space did little to swallow up.
Audrey for the first time since her stay slept through the night, despite the little space, because her husband was right there next to her. Waking up in the morning she felt lighter and they shared lazy kisses before getting out of bed and heading into the kitchen.
Betty and Edward were happy to see Audrey so content and they were confident quite a few mornings like this waited for them in the future of his mother and her husband happily joining them in their home. Before saying goodbye and setting out on the road this time in the rover together on their way home to Skeldale, Siegfried had ample time to entertain Mary. The delightful giggles of the little girl warmed the hearts of the people looking on, and further endeared the man eliciting them, not just to his wife, but to her son and daughter-in-law too.
Audrey enjoyed this last day spent with her family with her husband present more than she ever had before and it made leaving all the more harder. The mutual assurance that everyone was welcome anytime both in Sunderland and Darrowby eased the heaviness she felt, just as the thought of returning home did, with her husband sitting right next to her in the car, his hand periodically resting on her legs, promising to be always there for her, even when her own feelings for him scared her. Although thoroughly exhausted, once again her heart was bursting with gratitude for all the love she had in her life, first and foremost from her husband and from their families, but also from the community she had found her home in.