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“Oh yeah, I did… It was embarrassing as hell… but I did. I thought he would start laughing or something because it was so bad, but he didn’t. He just smiled and said it was pretty good even if he probably didn't think so. But he knew that's what I needed to hear at the time. So I just kept writing more stuff even if I didn’t try to make songs. I was learning covers of songs I liked for the most part.”
“Why not?” Levi shrugs.
“Because… A lot of reasons, really… I was still learning how to play, and I was still a teenager. Plus I wasn’t totally sure what I wanted to accomplish yet. At first, playing was just for fun, and as much as I trusted Isaac, I wasn’t really ready to sing about my feelings… and my past… and all that, you know? I still didn’t want to deal with any of that, but at the same time, when I tried to write lyrics, the first thing I thought about was my fucked up past, and I realized that everything I lived wasn't going away no matter how much my life had changed. That shit was still fresh in my brain, and I knew there was nothing I could do about it except to accept it, and I don't know, somehow, writing about it felt good, I guess, so I kept doing it... and that notebook is full of that shit.”
And that's why he didn't want Levi to read it; he gets that. “So, those things you wrote are true, right?”
“What things?” Kyle frowns, confused for a moment.
“When you said…" Levi hesitates. How do you even ask this kind of thing? "I mean… Did you really think you were gonna die?” Levi has so many questions about that.
Kyle bites his lip; somehow, he didn’t see that coming. “Yeah, I did—I mean, everything in there is true… That's how I felt back then. But to be honest, now it feels like it was a long time ago.”
“But you mean when you were a child, right? How old were you?” It feels unfair that this is stuff he doesn’t know about because he wants to know as much as possible about Kyle’s life. He wants to know everything about him, and sometimes it feels like he doesn’t fully trust him.
Kyle frowns. He's speechless for a moment. “Not sure," Kyle finally says, shaking his head. "Probably all my life until I was adopted.”
Lavi raises his eyebrows, “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. I don’t remember ever feeling safe or remotely happy until I met my family, which I think I told you, didn't I?”
“Not with so many details, no,” Levi shakes his head.
“I told you I was in foster care for a long time and that it sucked—”
“Well, sais, you did say that,” Levi nods. “But that’s not the same, don’t you think?”
“Okay, but… What does it matter now? Why do you want to know all the shitty details of my childhood?”
Levi snorts, “I can’t believe you’re asking me that?”
“Why not?” Kyle shrugs.
“Why not?" Levi shakes his head. "Don’t you think I should know everything you’ve been through?” The thing is that as soon as that is out of his mouth, he knows it sounds much worse than it did in his brain. It sounds more demanding than he intended; that’s for sure.
“No, I don’t think you have to know everything. It’s not an obligation.” As long as Levi knows and likes the person he is now, it feels like more than enough to him.
“Well, I do think so." Levi nods. "Because I love you and I wanna know everything about you.”
“It’s not like I’m hiding my past from you, you know? I’ve told you a lot of things… but some of them… They're just not easy to talk about or fun to remember,” Kyle admits. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to either.” He’d certainly like to tell him he’s not human, but talking about that can’t even cross his mind, so he doesn’t let his mind go there… he just can’t.
“I’m not saying you haven’t told me a lot of things, but I wish… I wish you felt like you can tell me everything… anything, you know? I understand it can be painful, but it could also help you to talk about it.”
“Levi, I know that… I know I can tell you anything… and I think I do. The truth is that since I met you, I’ve been very honest with you… and just because I don’t tell you details about my fucked up childhood before I was adopted, it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you or whatever, ok? I think I just need time, and as I said, it’s depressing shit, so you’re not missing anything.”
Levi bites his lower lip and nods, “Okay, yeah, I get it—I do.” If it’s a matter of time, he can wait. That’s not a problem. He thinks that Kyle knows that, but it feels like he should say it. “And I can wait. But please, don’t take too long to come to bed, okay? You must be tired too.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute, don’t worry.” It’s been a long day of packing, and Kyle is certainly tired and can’t wait to get some sleep.
“Okay,” Levi says, turning around and leaving only to return a few seconds later.
“By the way, I forgot to tell you before, but don’t make plans for next weekend, okay? Because we won’t be here,” Levi shakes his head.
Kyle frowns, raising his eyebrows, “How am I to make any plans when we will have to unpack everything? That was my plan." And Levi's as far as he was concerned. "What do you mean we won’t be here?”
“We’re flying to Edmonton on Saturday morning. I got tickets for the Stanley Cup Final,” Levi grins.
“What?” Kyle knows Levi loves everything hockey-related and, of course, he follows the Hockey League, but the tickets for the games are way too expensive in his opinion, and you can watch it very comfortably from home on television. “Those had to be sold out months ago. Plus, they are very expensive.”
Levi snorts. Sold out? Too expensive? Of course, he said that. “You’re so cute, you know?”
“Shut up,” Kyle smiles.
Levi smiles. “No, it's true. I love that you constantly forget who I am, and the money I make.” That's Kyle. And Levi is reminded again that Kyle doesn’t care how famous Levi is and forgets all the famous people he knows and the influential friends he and his agent have. Kyle even forgets sometimes that he is now a popular actor himself. It is always refreshing to realize, and Levi is thankful to have found somebody like that in this business.
“Look, it’s just that flying there…” Kyle shrugs, “You can simply watch it on television, like everybody else.”
“I just told you…” Levi shakes his head, “I’m not like everybody else, and by the way, you neither are you, you know?” It’s not like Levi cares about Kyle’s popularity, but facts are facts, and Kyle should remember who he has become since that affects his normal life in different ways.
The irony is that Kyle is a wolf, and he lives with that every day, so he already knows he isn’t like everybody else. The only ones who can understand how that feels are his family and his pack.
“Yeah, well, I’m certainly not like you,” He wouldn’t fly to watch a final, “And even if I get it, it doesn’t mean I’m used to it. Not yet. It’s gonna take some time,” Kyle admits.
Kyle grins, “That’s fair. And I’ll say that we both need this trip together. We’re gonna have a lot of fun. Plus, the hotel where we are staying is amazing; you’re gonna love it, I promise.”
“Oh, I believe you,” Kyle nods. He knows Levi’s taste as his personal assistant does, and he must be the one who organized all this for him.
“Good,” Levi grins. “Now come to bed,” he adds before finally leaving.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” Kyle says, looking around him. It looks much more organized to him than when he started in the morning, and he hopes to finish it the next day.