Chapter Text
These few days have been an absolute hell. First we get sent to help some random extras evacuate. Then Shigaraki wakes up ahead of when we expected him to and stupid Deku tries taking off on his own thinking he can take him on his own.
I had to stand there watching Deku fight that monster in the sky. Watching as he pushed everyone away. Thinking he has to fight this battle alone. He thinks I’m weak. Just another extra that needs his protection. The fight continues for a while. His arms where broken. He’s distracted and Shigaraki is going to attack him. Before I knew it I was moving to protect him. I took the hit.
“Stop trying to win this by yourself.”
I got impaled. I was falling. I remember the way Deku sounded so scared, when he said my name. But there was something else something deeper. Anger. He was so angry it was like watching a whole other person fight. At least the small part I saw while I was falling.
I lost consciousness. The next thing I remember was getting back up and continuing fighting. Best Jeanist is back. People said he was missing. Gone. But I knew he wouldn’t disappear so quietly. I finally got to tell him and the world my hero name.
Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight
From there only bits and pieces. Fighting, screams, Dabi actually being Icy Hot’s thought to be dead older brother, Nomus, Mr. Aizawa cutting his own foot off, and Shigaraki getting away.
I remember passing out the second time. I felt dizzy. Probably because of the blood loss. I remember hearing the concerned voices of the paramedics. Feeling empty. Drained. Tired. So Tired.
I’m back in the field everyone is hurt. Deku and Shigaraki are fighting in the sky. It’s like I’m reliving it. Watching everything happening again in slow motion. Deku getting distracted. I try to move but my feet at are stuck to the ground. I can’t move. He turns to face Shigaraki and gets impaled by that monster. His blood on my face. It’s everywhere. All over him. “Deku!”
I slowly open my eyes. I see a white ceiling illuminated by bright florescent lights. I can here machines beeping. There’s a dipping sound coming from my left. There’s an oxygen mask on my face.
Where am I?
What happened?
Why does my body hurt so much?
A feeling of urgency of panic hits me and I take off my oxygen mask. I sit up too quickly and am immediately met with pain on my side. I instinctively grab my side and register I’m covered in bandages. The memory of why I’m covered in them flashes through my head.
“Deku.”
That creep Stickyballs Burt’s into the room. The creep yells “He’s awake!”
“Shut up and start explaining!”
Tapearms, Invisible Girl, and Sugarfreak come into the room.
Tapearms says “Oh, good, he’s mad. That must mean he’s feeling like himself!”
“I’m about to be real mad! Where the hell am I?”
Sugarfreak answers “Dude, you’re at Central Hospital. From what we hear, they have the latest, most advanced medical treatments”
Invisible Girl says “Oh, I’ll go tell the nurse he’s up.” She leaves the room.
I look at Tapearms and ask “Deku and Todoroki? Mr. Aizawa, Endeavor, and all the others. What happened to everyone?”
Sero gets a serious look on his face and says “I’ll tell you, kay? But you gotta try to stay calm.”
Oh, no. Something really bad happened. Is it Deku? Is he okay?
“Todoroki’s burned bad and Mr. Aizawa has some serious injuries, but they’ll both pull through.”
That’s a relief. I wonder how Todoroki’s doing. He must be hurting and confused having his brother basically rise from the dead.
“Everyone else has regained consciousness except…” Except who? Something in my gut knows it’s Deku but I need actually confirmation. I need him to say it.
“The doctors said Midoriya hasn’t shown any signs of waking up.”
No. He can’t die. I haven’t apologized. I don’t believe this. I need to see him. To see his face. But I need to play the next few minutes right. I don’t know where he is and these idiots are blocking the door. I need to act calm. At least long enough to get out of here.
In the calmest voice I can muster I ask “Where is he?”
Sero answers “Down the hall but All Might requested we give them privacy.”
God I swear these idiots might as well write the secret on their fucking foreheads. It’d be a lot less obvious.
I immediately get up because I need to go see him for myself. Sugarfreak and Sero block me from the door.
“You shouldn’t be up right now.” Says Sugarfreak.
“Yeah, Bakugou, lay back down or I’ll tape you to your bed.” Threatened Sero.
I turned making it seem like I was about to lay back down. But instead I grab a nearby plant and smash it on Sero’s head. The plant was fake but the pot was very real. I didn’t want to use my quirk because of the oxygen tanks. Once the other two where distracted I booked it out of there and headed down the hall towards Deku.
I almost make it to Deku’s room when Sugarfreak and that creep Stickyballs catch up to me. They latch on to my shirt but like hell is that going to stop me. Even though they caught up to me, I am damn determined to get to him. They keep screaming for me to stop because of my injuries.
Sugarfreak yells “I told you not to get up! You could die!
Screw my death if Deku dies we’re all dead.
Stickyballs yells “Just stop! You’re the worst patient.”
“We’re not supposed to let you leave your room.” Says Sugarfreak.
“Shut up! Make me fight you and I’ll you even more likely to drop dead.”
Sugarfreak says “Why do you have to be so stubborn about everything, dude? There’s nothing you can do to help right now.”
“Didn’t you hear a word Sero said?” asks the creep.
I listen that’s why I’m here. Why I’m trying so damn hard to get to Deku. The last time I saw him he was broken and beaten. He was basically on deaths door and he kept fighting. It didn’t matter to him what happened to himself. He’s so stupid. He’s too selfless. It’s crap like this that makes me wish he was selfish. He need to take care of himself if he wants to save the world. He’s the only one who can. He’s the chosen one. The special one. And he’s just throwing his life away.
That bastard. If he dies, I’ll kill him.
My body is screaming at me to stop but I can’t I need to see him. I need to make him up. To see his chest rising and falling because he’s breathing.
I made it right outside of Deku’s room when Frogface used her tongue to restrain me.
“Ugh let go frog! I’ll blast all you extras to hell let me go!”
“Thanks for the help. We need to get him back to his room before he hurts himself.”
I fight against the restraints but it’s no use so I do what I do best yell at Deku. “Deku you bastard, you’re dead! I’ve been awake for how long and you’re still not up. Get the hell up you damn nerd!”
Maybe yelling at him will scare him into waking up. I mean it’s worth a shot. Who knows what can get a comma patient to wake up. I want him to wake up. I need him to wake up.
As those idiots carried me back to my room we ran into Best Jeanist and Hawks.
Hawks walks by completely unfazed by the scene. Best Jeanist asks “Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, are you all right?”
“What’s it look like?” I yell at him as they carry me away. I didn’t want to be mean especially since he just came back. But I just feel so frustrated and helpless. I can’t see Deku. And I can’t help him.
When I was finally taken back to my room I was given medication to put me back to sleep. They say it’s because I’m a “flight risk” and “a danger to myself.” Honestly I think they think I’m going to hurt Deku. I can’t blame them, I did sound pretty angry. I honestly don’t mean to, I just don’t know how else to show my emotions. I also don’t know why I feel this way about being able to see Deku or why I was willing to give up my own life for his.
Actually, that’s a lie I know why. Because I am in love with him. I’ve been in love with him for awhile. Since we were kids but I pushed him away. Maybe it was because of the fear of not being able to understand him. I never understood how someone who got dealt such crap luck was always able to smile. To keep going. Every time I pushed him or hurt him he just came back. It’s always scared me not being able to understand how he could keep coming back to the person who hurt him. Who caused him pain. Why? Why did he come back? Why did he keep chasing me? Why didn’t he turn away from me and leave me in his smoke?
As I am laying here with my thoughts the meds begin to take effect and I am asleep once again.
I open my eyes and I’m met with the same ceiling as before. Only now the room is only lit by a lamp on my right. Everything I was told by Sero comes back to me.
Deku. Deku’s in a comma. He hasn’t woken up yet. They say he shows no signs of waking up anytime soon. He’s alive at least. He’ll still be here tomorrow. I decide it’s best to just wait and see him tomorro.
I look around to room to take in my surroundings and I see Icyhot sitting in a chair across from me looking down at the floor. I can tell it’s night time now. Everything is quiet with the exception of the machines beeping and the IV drip.
Icyhot hasn’t noticed that I’m awake. He’s covered in even more bandages than I am. He looks both physically and mentally drained. That’s probably what happens when your brother rises from the dead and burns the crap out of you. He seem to be thinking about something because his eyes are trained on the floor and he looks like he’s about ready to break down. Fall apart.
I grab his attention by saying “You look like hell.”
This grabs his attention and he looks up at me. “Oh you’re awake, how are you feeling?”
His voice sounds rough but at least he can talk now. I don’t dance around what I want to know probably because of the meds. “I feel fine. How are you doing with the injuries and with the family crap? You don’t have to answer the second if you don’t want to.”
“It’s fine. The injuries hurt but they gave me medication for it. My throat still hurts but it’s better than before. About the other thing I talked with my family about Toya or Dabi. Things aren’t good but they could be worse. Things are gonna get bad and I know I will have to face him again. I don’t know how I feel about having to fight my brother, my previously thought dead brother. I know nothing about him. I can barely remember what he looked like before. He doesn’t know me. And he doesn’t want to know me. He wants me dead. I don’t blame him he resents because I am what he wanted to be. I am the one who has our father’s attention. His respect. All he’s ever wanted was his attention, respect, praise, admiration, and most of all his love. Toya died waiting for someone who was never going to look for him. It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t been born. If I hadn’t been blessed with both fire and ice he would have been the one our father could be proud of. He wouldn’t have been forgotten. Ignored. He would have been a blazing star. He could’ve known what love felt like. Instead only patches of who he once was are left. Instead of love he only knows pain.”
"Shouto. You can't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. You were a kid. You are a kid. You're old man man is the one to blame. He's working on being better. But the past has a way of biting people in the ass. You being born is a good thing. You having the Quirk you have is a great thing. You're gonna be a great hero because you're a good person. You will find your way out of the fire."
At this point Shouto is crying and I started panicking because I suck at comforting people but I have to try so I sit up and pat the spot next to me to signal to him to come sit. He looked shocked for a second but he made his way over and sat still crying. I put my hand on his shoulder. I can’t do physical affection but I think it’s enough. When I do this Shouto starts sobbing but I think he just needed to let himself feel the loss and hurt. We sat like that for about an hour before he calmed down.
When he finally stopped he said “Thank you Bakugou I needed that. I needed to talk about it to let everything out. Thank you for letting me break down.”
“No problem Icyhot.”
He looked up at me and for some reason he looked nervous. Then he asked “Can I ask you something without you getting mad?”
I think about it for a second and figure I asked something personal so it’s only fair. So I answer “Sure but I don’t promise not to get a little peeved.”
Icyhot nodded and asked “Why did you take the hit for Midoriya and why did you make such a big scene trying to see him?”
This took me by surprise because I didn’t know he knew about it earlier. “How did you know about that?”
“Hawks told me about it.”
“I see. I honestly don’t even know why I reacted like that when I woke up earlier. It was like second nature wanting to make sure he’s okay. I mean he has no sense of self preservation. He thinks of everyone else but never himself even when he’s in danger. He’s been that way since we were kids. Even after everything I did to him in middle school when I was attacked by that stupid sludge monster he ran in to save me without hesitation. As for why I took the hit for him, my body simply moved on his own. I didn’t know I was gonna do it until I had already been impaled. But even before that something inside of myself always made me have the instinct that I need to protect him. So it sort of became second nature. I knew that I needed to protect him. Not because he’s weak. But because he protects everyone else so I need to protect him.”
I had completely forgotten I was talking with Icyhot. I hadn’t intended on opening up that much to him but it honestly felt like weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Icyhot is one of the few people in my life that I truly trust.
He snaps me back to reality when he says “I honestly wasn’t expecting such an open and honest answer. This is a lot different than when we first met. I’m proud of you Bakugou.”
“Whatever Icyhot.” That makes him laugh a bit and makes me smile too because for a second it feels like the world isn’t falling apart all around us. With everything that has happened it’s easy to be honest with Icyhot.
Since I can trust him and since I know he doesn’t gossip. Also because I need someone to talk to about the feelings I have towards Deku. It honestly has been weighing on my chest. I need to tell someone about it. I need someone to understand why I do what I do when it comes to Deku.
I asked him “ Can I tell you something and can you not tell anyone?”
He looks at me with a curious and confused look and says “Absolutely, I won’t tell a soul.”
“Okay the other reason I did what I did when it came to Deku is because I have feelings for him.”
“Of course you have feelings for him, he’s your friend actually come to think about it he’s probably your best friend.”
I slap my hand on my face. How the hell can someone be so smart and dense at the same time. I put my hands on my face and take a deep breath so I don’t yell and then say “ No stupid. I have romantic feelings for him as in more than a friend.”
I can feel my face getting bright red. I can feel it along with a shit load of anxiety.
He says “Ohhh that makes more sense honestly I always had a feeling you did but I am not the best with social cues so I just stayed quiet.”
I looked at him with shock because I thought I was being discreet. “What do you mean you knew? Was I that obvious? Does he know? Who else knows?”
“Bakugou calm down. I had a feeling you liked him. No I think I only noticed because I spend the most amount of time with you guys. I doubt he knows. He’s oblivious if I’m honest. No one else knows, at least not that I know of.”
That’s honestly a huge relief because if Stupidhair, Zappy, Tapearms, Ears, or God forbid Racooneyes I would never hear the end of it like ever even if I were dead.
As I am imagining the worst Icyhot says “Can I ask you one more question?”
“I guess, it’s okay shoot.”
“Why haven’t you told Midoriya about how you feel?”
“Because he’s going to be nice about it and let me down easy and God I just can’t take that. And if by some great big miracle he does feel the same way I don’t deserve him.”
“Why do you think that?”
“I did some horrible unforgivable things to him in middle school and even after he was still with me by my side being kind and caring. He deserves someone better, someone who deserves him.”
“Bakugou I have some idea what happened back then because Midoriya gave me some details. But you’ve changed, you’re not that person anymore. Your actions have said so. You saved him without even thinking about it. You have shown how much you care about him whether you think so or not, you deserve him.”
“You think so?”
“Yes I do.”
A while after we just sat in silence thinking until Icyhot broke the silence. “It’s getting late and we both need rest. I’ll check on you tomorrow. Goodnight Bakugou.”
“Shouto, thank you.”
“You’re welcome Katsuki and thank you too.”
“Anytime goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
After he walked out I laid here thinking about what he said.
Have I truly changed that much?
As I lay here pondering whether I have or haven’t I am pulled back down into sleep.