Chapter Text
To some, love language could be gift giving, where you express affection by wanting to give material things.
To some, it could be quality time. The act of being present in each other's lives, savoring each passing time because every tick of the clock not spent together is a missed opportunity, a missed shutter of a camera that supposedly captures a memory that can last even if the subjects have long breathed their last breaths.
And there are far more love languages people live by.
Mage preferred disappearance.
She liked loving people in ways that demanded nothing in return. Quietly. Carefully. Like slipping extra food onto someone else's plate before they realized they were hungry. Like learning exactly what to say to make grief softer around the edges.
Like stepping aside.
Mage's greatest love language is cowardice.
Yes. Cowardice.
And this specific act of devotion, she has only reserved for the one constant person in her life.
Jas.
Somehow, a childhood friend. Sometimes an enemy, sometimes, the very rage baited victim to her ragebaiter self.
She was 11 when they moved into the Burgarez village. Her father's work has led them to move constantly from one place to another, but this one, he promised would be the last. She was elated by that. Both her and her 15 year old brother, Eli, actually are. Because they struggled with making friends. Like permanent friends because they will come, then leave later on. Fortunately, their father promised this would be their permanent home.
Unfortunately though, the day they were moving in, a few kids from the neighborhood, looking almost the same age as her, came watching as the movers carried out boxes from the truck into the newly bought place.
"Anak! Kindly tell those kids to move backwards a bit. Baka maatrasan sila ng mga movers," her father instructed
Even though slightly aloof to strangers, Mage walked towards the group of neighborhood kids. There were four of them. One looks slightly a little older but the smallest among the group, one wearing an all pink terno of sando and shorts, one with thick glasses for a kid, and one looking so innocent in her purple dress.
Before she could even reach them, the one with thick glasses pointed at something on the ground, right behind the path where the movers walked by. Mage doesn't know if that glasses girl did not see the movers already walking in her direction or she just didn't think enough and anticipate the possible situation she'll be in but the kid crouched down to where she was pointing at earlier, picking up a red toy motorbike from the ground. As she was about to stand and show it to her friends, the mover stepped backwards and accidentally tripped on her.
"Jas!!"
"Hala!"
Mage could only freeze in shock as the glasses girl fell in on her butt, and movers falling slightly on her right foot as the box they were carrying flew a little behind all the chaos that they were.
For a few seconds, it was silence before the young girl wailed in pain.
"Hala! Jas, lagot tayo kay mama at papa mo," her friends echoed as they tried reaching out to her.
The movers immediately stood up and tried checking if she was injured.
Upon hearing the wail of a child, Mr. and Mrs. Lim emerged out of the house.
"What happened dito, anak? Sabi ko pagsabihan mo lang, bakit mo inaway?" Mr. Lim
"No, dad. That kid is kinda stupid, I think. She gets in the way of the movers. Ayan tuloy," Mage explained
"Anak, your words" Mrs. Lim
Her brother, Eli, also came out to see what the commotion is about. Upon looking at the crying kid, he said, "I think medyo injured yung ankle nya, dad. We can give her first aid inside"
Despite the tears, the glasses girl looked up to the boy who seemed much more concerned than the younger girl who just called her stupid.
"Okay lang po ba? Malalagot kasi ako kay mama at papa kapag umuwi akong iika-ika po," she said between hiccups
Mage rolled her eyes, 'iika-ika? What kind of language is that?".
She couldn't explain but she felt annoyed somehow. Maybe because of the inconvenience the kid caused.
Later inside the house, as Eli was treating Jas' slight ankle injury, the Lim couple interviewed her and her friends, while Mage eavesdroped openly at the farthest part of the couch in the living room.
There, they learned that the injured kid was named Jasmin, 10. The eldest looking yet smallest friend was Loi, 14. The all-pink friend was Audrey, 12. And the innocent-looking kid in purple was Shen, also 10. They were all living in the Burgarez village. Mrs. Lim also introduced her kids, Eli, 15, which Jas shook hands with enthusiastically, and Mage, 11, which she first scanned from head to toe before smiling in recognition unsuspiciously. But for the latter, the difference in reception was definitely suspicious.
That was the first time she met Jas, along with her friends.
Since then, the kids were regularly invited by her parents for the reason that they want them to become friends. Sometimes, 4 of them will come together at the Lim residence, sometimes, by two's, but never alone. Except for Jas. She comes by like 2-3 times a week. Always yapping, always asking, always annoying.
She mostly looks for Eli, because they have grown closer compared to Mage who's still so aloof, in the way only selectively observant people could be.
Mage never invited Jas over.
Somehow, Jas kept arriving anyway.
One time during their early high school days, Jas came alone.
Probably directly from school too, because she was still in uniform, backpack hanging from one shoulder.
"Hi! Mage. Diyan si kuya Eli?" she greeted brightly.
"Hm. He's in his room. Bakit?"
"Wala lang. Gusto ko sana magpa-turo sa math."
Mage looked up from her iPad.
"Si kuya? And math? Parang hindi naman sila magkasundo."
"Ah... eh..." Jas laughed awkwardly, fingers fidgeting with the straps of her bag. "Basta, try ko lang sana ipa-explain sa kaniya yung lesson namin kanina. Baka mas maintindihan ko."
Mage observed her quietly.
Too quietly.
By then, she already had a suspicion. A small one. Sharp around the edges.
"I can teach you," she offered.
"Luh! Hindi na. Mag-iPad ka lang diyan. Kapag wala akong naintindihan kay kuya Eli, saka ako magpapaturo sa'yo hehe."
Oh.
Okay.
Something unpleasant tugged beneath Mage's ribs again.
Mage decided it was irritation.
That was easier too.
"Okay. Just ask manang Beth to call kuya. Hindi nakaka-demure para sa babae na kumatok sa kwarto ng lalaki."
Later, Eli came downstairs.
Both he and Jas settled on the living room couch, rediscussing the math lesson Jas failed to understand earlier at school.
Surprisingly, Eli — someone who had never been remotely gifted at math — managed to make Jas understand the topic completely.
How did Mage know?
Well.
Exactly fifty-three minutes into the tutorial, Jas suddenly yelled loud enough for the entire household to hear.
"AYON LANG PALA 'YON?!"
Then she dissolved into dramatic celebration, loudly declaring Eli the perfect teacher while Eli laughed at her exaggerated reaction.
Jas had a particular smile she only used when genuinely excited.
Wide enough for her glasses to slide slightly down her nose.
It appeared often around Eli.
Mage noticed because, unfortunately, she noticed everything about Jas.
A few more years passed.
Eli, now 19, was preparing to leave for college abroad after earning an athlete scholarship through football.
When Jas and her friends heard the news, they were devastated.
But among all of them, Jas took it the worst.
One time, she even cried dramatically in front of Mage.
"Bakit ba kailangan pang mag-abroad ni kuya Eli?"
"He wants a different opportunity there," Mage answered. "Don't be so OA, Jas."
Despite the teasing tone, Mage already knew.
Or at least, she thought she did.
Maybe she had known for years already.
The confirmation simply arrived one afternoon over melted ice cream.
Mage, Audrey, Loi, and Shen were gathered around the dining table while Jas sat beside Eli in the living room, pretending to watch football with alarming dedication.
"Alam mo ba," Audrey started between spoonfuls of ice cream, "napaka-obvious nitong si Jas eh. Palaging nakabuntot kay kuya Eli. Tapos ngayon nanonood ng football? Eh hindi nga 'yan makatagal sa three-minute video."
"Ganun talaga kapag crush mo yung isang tao," Loi added wisely. "I-ggrab mo lahat ng opportunity maka-interact siya. Tapos minsan magpapanggap ka pang interesado ka rin sa mga gusto nila."
Mage looked toward the living room.
Jas wasn't even watching the television anymore.
She was watching Eli explain something about the game with the kind of attention people usually reserved for prayer.
Mage looked away first.
Thought so.
Still, Mage never asked herself why she had noticed long before everyone else.
That would've been a dangerous question.
When Eli eventually left the country, everything remained mostly the same.
Except for Jas.
She rarely visited anymore.
"Heartbroken lang 'yan. Hayaan mo muna," her friends would say.
So Mage did.
Or at least, she tried.
But every now and then, Jas still appeared at the Lim residence looking slightly more exhausted than before. Sadder too, somehow.
And without really meaning to, Mage learned how to anticipate her.
She offered food before Jas could ask.
Turned the aircon colder whenever Jas complained about the heat.
Saved the last bottle of iced coffee because Jas liked that specific brand.
None of it ever worked.
Except for one thing.
"Would you like me to call kuya?"
Every single time, Jas' eyes immediately brightened.
Every. Single. Time.
Sometimes Eli answered the call.
Sometimes he was too busy.
But among every comfort Mage had ever offered, the opportunity to talk to her brother remained the only one Jas accepted with genuine excitement.
By sixteen, Mage already knew two things with terrifying certainty:
Jas loved Eli.
And Mage would someday have to help her survive that.
Four years later.
Present day.
"I'm so happy, girl! Magkakasama tayo sa iisang university. Kahit hindi same program, okay lang!" Audrey cheered.
"Kaya nga! Gusto ko rin maka-meet ng new friends. Mage, pakibilisan naman oh. Naiihi na ako sa excitement!" Shen added dramatically from the backseat.
Mage tightened her grip on the steering wheel.
"Can you guys settle down? Ang init-init na nga, ang ingay niyo pa."
"KJ naman nito," the passenger beside her whispered.
Jas.
Mage glanced sideways briefly.
Jas still wore her glasses slightly crooked whenever she got excited.
Mage hated that she noticed things like that immediately.
"Gusto mo maglakad?" she deadpanned.
Jas laughed.
And unfortunately, Mage felt herself relax at the sound.