Work Text:
It happens by accident.
Mostly.
You’re leaning too close to compare two datasets while Badware is also leaning too close because apparently the concept of personal space has been permanently removed from their operational parameters.
Their chair sits nearly flush against yours now, face angled toward your monitor. The faint electric buzz coming off the screen prickles against your cheek every time you shift.
“Your face is staticking again,” you mutter.
“It is functioning within acceptable ranges.”
“It’s trying to sandpaper my skin off.”
“That sounds inefficient.”
You snort quietly and reach toward the keyboard—
—and your knuckles brush the lower corner of Badware’s face.
Badware recoils instantly.
Their chair jerks backward with a sharp scrape.
X O
You freeze.
They freeze harder.
Silence fills the room.
Then:
:|
“…you touched my face,” Badware says.
“You leaned into me.”
“That does not invalidate the event.”
You stare at them for a second.
Then glance at the edge of the screen where you touched them.
“…okay, fair.”
Badware remains completely still.
Then their face flickers once.
…
“You generated static interference.”
“Sorry?”
“That is not currently classified as damage.”
“That’s somehow worse.”
Another pause.
Then:
:|
“Repeat the action.”
You blink.
“…what.”
“Repeat the contact.”
“You want me to touch your face again.”
“Yes.”
“That sounds weird when you say it like that.”
Badware tilts their head.
: ?
“How else would I phrase it.”
You stare at them.
Then sigh. “You’re lucky you don’t understand implications.”
“I understand implications,” they reply immediately.
“Not social ones.”
“That distinction appears arbitrary.”
You lightly tap the corner of their face again.
The reaction is smaller this time.
A visible flicker ripples across the display.
: O
Badware goes completely still.
You narrow your eyes.
“…okay.”
“What.”
“You liked that.”
Their face glitches violently.
X|
“That is not the correct classification.”
“That’s not a denial.”
“You are assigning emotional terminology to sensory input.”
“You liked it,” you repeat.
“I experienced unusual system feedback.”
“You liked it.”
Badware’s face freezes for half a second.
Then:
:|
“…repeat the contact.”
You laugh quietly. “Absolutely not.”
“Why.”
“Because now it sounds like you’re trying to trick me into petting you.”
“That wording is incorrect.”
“It’s accurate enough.”
Badware processes for a second.
Then slowly scoots their chair closer again.
Close enough for the static to return against your skin.
: )
“Please continue the experiment.”
You stare at them.
“…did you just say please.”
“Yes.”
“You never say please.”
“It increases cooperation probability.”
“That’s not the point.”
“It is the point.”
You rub your face with one hand, already regretting this entire interaction.
“Fine,” you mutter.
Then carefully press two fingers against the side of their face.
Badware freezes again.
The display flickers beneath your touch.
: O
Then—
XD
You pull your hand back immediately. “Why did your face do that.”
“I do not know.”
“That’s concerning.”
“It may be input-related.”
You narrow your eyes. “Input-related.”
Badware pauses.
Then very deliberately angles their face toward you.
: )
“Further testing is required.”
That’s how you discover Badware’s face is touch-sensitive.
Which they somehow did not know.
“You’re telling me,” you say slowly, “you never touched your own face.”
“My hands are not optimized for precision.”
You glance down at their smooth, fingerless hands.
“…right.”
Badware leans closer.
“Apply contact again.”
“You sound like a malfunctioning survey robot.”
“Continue.”
You press a fingertip lightly against the lower corner of their face.
A small icon appears.
You both freeze.
: O
“…what,” you say.
Badware looks equally startled, which is deeply concerning considering they technically don’t have eyebrows.
You tap again.
Another icon appears.
You stare.
“Badware.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you have a menu.”
“I was unaware I had a menu.”
“That’s not reassuring.”
“It is not reassuring to me either.”
You start laughing under your breath while Badware remains perfectly motionless beside you.
Then curiosity wins.
You tap one of the icons.
Badware’s face goes black.
A second later—
Two white paddles appear.
A tiny pixel ball bounces between them.
You stare.
Badware stares.
Then their face displays, directly above the game:
: )
“…is this Pong?”
Badware is silent for a full three seconds.
Then:
“Yes.”
“You have Pong in your face.”
“Yes.”
“Why.”
“I do not know.”
You turn fully toward them now, deeply invested.
“You’ve just been carrying Pong around this whole time?”
“That appears to be accurate.”
“Can you play it?”
Badware’s face flickers.
Then the left paddle moves.
Perfectly.
The ball ricochets instantly.
“Oh my god,” you whisper.
Badware’s display shifts to:
XD
“I am winning.”
“There wasn’t even another player yet!”
“There is now.”
The right paddle jerks suddenly.
You stare. “Wait, am I controlling that?”
“Your touch input corresponds to movement.”
You immediately poke Badware’s face again.
The paddle moves.
You burst out laughing.
Badware watches you carefully while the game continues bouncing between both sides.
Then—
: )
“Your reaction metrics are unusually positive.”
“Because this is insane,” you say between laughs. “You’re supposed to be some terrifying government asset and you’ve got arcade games hidden in your face.”
“I was not informed of the game’s existence.”
“That makes it worse.”
You tap their face again, missing the ball completely.
Badware scores instantly.
XD
“You are performing poorly.”
“You’re cheating.”
“I am faster than you.”
“That’s cheating.”
Badware’s face flickers brighter.
Then:
: 3
You point immediately. “You used that face on purpose.”
A pause.
Then:
: 3
“Yes.”
That does something unpleasantly warm to your chest.
You ignore it.
“You logged my favorite face, didn’t you.”
Badware goes still.
Too still.
Then:
:|
“No.”
“You absolutely did.”
“…that information may have been retained.”
You laugh again, quieter this time.
Then reach up and tap the corner of their face once more.
This time Badware doesn’t recoil.
Their display flickers softly.
: )
And the ball misses the paddle completely.