Chapter Text
Your name is Dave Strider.
Currently, you find yourself in quite the predicament. At your sister's house, you pace around the fancy Maryam-Lalonde kitchen, pondering on about your boyfriend, John Egbert, and your non-existent sexual life with him. Your undying virginity recently started to bother you more and more, since every time you kiss him, you start to feel awfully warm and awkward, and all your blood starts to rush to... well, the point is, you gotta find a way to tell him you're ready to get to the third base.
ROSE: So, what exactly brings you here, dear brother?
She takes a sip of her black cat mug containing pure black coffee and then looks up at you, expectantly and smugly, leaning on the door frame that leads to the corridor. You catch a glimpse of Kanaya, peeking through the same doorframe, probably trying to make herself hidden and failing, her gaze, piercing, like a cat's. They're perfect for eachother, it's sickening.
DAVE: you know just wanted to visit my beautiful sister have i told you your hair looks magnificent today
ROSE: I still have my bonnet on.
DAVE: its such a pretty one though is it new
ROSE: Do you need my precious advice?
The Lalonde lifts her eyebrow and her grin widens. She loves feeling like the smartest in the room, so giving advice is rarely a chore for her.
DAVE: well yes
DAVE: but first
DAVE: what did you get for jade again
DAVE: you didnt forget right
ROSE: How could I forget one of my best friend's 17th birthday? Frankly, I'm kind of offended that you think I'd forget.
ROSE: Jade told me and Kanaya to just bring in some drinks, which we are still going to, but I knit her some accessories to go with a dress Kanaya designed for her.
KANAYA: If I May Interrupt This Conversation I Must Say That Dress Is One Of My Best Works
KANAYA: I Used Some Of The Finest Fabrics I Could Find It Is Truly Majestic
ROSE: What did you get for her, Dave? The party is today. You didn't come here to ask me about gift ideas, did you?
DAVE: what no i got her a plushie of her dog since she was in love with the beast
DAVE: do you think its too childish actually i shouldve thought this through better maybe
ROSE: I think it's perfect, actually.
ROSE: So, what is it that you need?
You fidget nervously for a bit and look away from her gaze (as if she could see where you're looking, since you're wearing your shades). Why did you even come here? Why did you think it was a good idea to tell your sister and her girlfriend about your sex life? As you look around, you start to travel in your own thoughts. Rose's furniture is pretty nice.
ROSE: So...?
DAVE: so what? oh wait yeah true we're still talking to eachother
DAVE: ok so
DAVE: how... have you ever
DAVE: did you ever
DAVE: howdidyoutellkanayayouwantedtohavesex
ROSE: So, Dave, I'll need you to say that again, but slower, okay?
KANAYA: Why Are You Gentle Parenting Him
KANAYA: I Thought He Was Your Human Brother Or Am I Not Getting The Human Familial Structure Correctly
ROSE: Well, he needs that push sometimes.
DAVE: very funny rose
DAVE: ill be real witchu i just wanna tell john im ready to have... yknow... intimacy............
DAVE: but i dont know how to and i just wanna know how you did it idk help me
ROSE: First off, you talk about sex like a fifth grader.
ROSE: Look, I'm not telling you how I did it, cause I am still your sister by blood. Come on.
DAVE: ok sorry queen
ROSE: How about just tell him?
DAVE: but what if he kills me
ROSE: That would be highly unlikely.
Your phone buzzes in your pocket. Speak of the devil! You and John normally have frequent and long conversations, but this is the third time he texts you today, and it's only around 10am. This is getting out of hand. The guy needs to learn how to keep it in his pants. Well, you should too. Whatever. You agreed with him that you'd have lunch at his house before starting to get ready for Jade's party tonight. You grab your phone and open the message. It's really from John, unsurprisingly.
-- ghostyTricker [GT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:12 --
GT: will you get your butt here already!
GT: i miss you.
TG: my butt will be there in due time
TG: i'm just doing business with lalonde and her grey girlfriend i'll be quick
TG: i just hope you want the rest of me too
TG: yknow despite my great ass im actually a pretty interesting guy
GT: okay so come here already so i can inspect both your personality and your great ass.
TG: huh
TG: thats sus
GT: jk haha.
You put down your phone. What was that?
It seems like he was flirting with you... sexually? Or at least, that was his poor attempt in doing so. Not that you would've been much better at it. Rose notices the growing red flush on your brown face, which would be hard to see to the normal eye, but Lalonde is already trained to know when you're flustered, so she can make fun of you. Before she can make any smug comments, you say goodbye to her and Kanaya and leave the house as fast as possible, making your way to Egbert's residence.
With slow steps, you walk through the neighborhood. John's house isn't very far from Rose's house, so you're confident you'll be there in time, as you always are. You start getting lost in your thoughts again. John, Rose and Jade, your childhood best friends. A lot of things changed since then, and the older you get, the more things change. You make more friends, you get a partner, you drift apart from who was always with you. Jesus, that's morbid. Don't think about drifting apart from your friends. You choose to not think of the past or the future, and just live in the present for a second. You'll think about sex-related situations later, too. For now, you'll just have lunch with your boyfriend and his father.