Chapter Text
All I could see was white.
I knew I died from an aneurysm that came out of nowhere. Except it didn’t, not really. I spent my days living like there was no tomorrow, sleeping two to three hours each night, sometimes going to school without a wink of sleep. My dad used to shout at three in the morning, his voice reaching my bedroom on the second floor, my giggling and squealing giving me away.
“Why are you still awake?!” he would yell.
My graduation would’ve been tomorrow, but then I had to die in my sleep. Fantastic timing, honestly. I didn’t mind the dying part, but I left my father too early. He’d probably knock on my door tomorrow, complaining I overslept again. Maybe for him, I should’ve fought harder. Lived a healthier life.
In the deepest, coldest parts of my heart, a sharp twist stirred the sadness I was keeping at bay.
Eh.
That heart didn’t exist anymore.
If I had a shoulder, I’d shrug. He wasn’t really lonely. The number of times I heard moans through the door, or the unmistakable sounds of furniture breaking from downstairs had made me truly confident that between my father and I, it was me who was going to die alone.
Well, look at that.
A voice laughed—that was probably me. At twenty, it was no wonder that all those sleepless nights had caught up to me. And that inevitably caused the aneurysm. I thought.
Wait.
Why was I thinking? I was supposed to be dead.
The same voice laughed again. Female, but now I was one hundred percent sure it wasn’t me. Soft and elegant—no one would think I was one of those. Ancient—definitely not me.
And somehow, unfeeling. Okay, this one, slightly me, in an allergic-to-feelings kind of way.
I could feel a hand slowly tightening its grip around my thoughts, wrapping gently around my soul. Its power was spreading into whatever part of me it could—too unrestrained. Just unstoppable.
If anyone wanted a faceless voice laughing in this vast, very white, expanse of nothingness, now would be an excellent time to take it. Away.
Away from here.
Where was here, exactly?
“Your thoughts are funny,” it said.
She said.
What’s funny about death? I thought to myself.
“Nothing,” it said, and I flinched.
Well, I thought I flinched. Of course it could hear me.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“A god,” it—she—said.
I rolled my imaginary eyes. “And gods have no names?”
The white space flared brighter. I didn’t have eyes to feel pain, so I didn’t see the point. Still, I was talking to an alleged god.
“I’m sorry,” I heard myself grumble. How I could still access my senses without a body was entirely lost on me. “Where am I? And why are you talking to me?”
“I have watched over you your whole life—“
Yeah, that wasn’t creepy at all.
The god continued, amused. “—and have found you worthy.”
“Of what?”
“Of being my weapon.”
Wait. Wasn’t this how those isekai stories would always start? A god talking to them after death?
And a weapon?
“If I get to live a second life, I want it to be as peaceful as my first one,” I said.
“I wouldn’t call it peaceful, child,” she said, sounding crestfallen. “You weren’t able to live to your potential.”
“No,” I said, voice tight. “No need for reaching one’s potential!”
“Don’t you want to be in one of those worlds you read in your books?”
This god was persistent, wasn’t she?
Well, if I had to answer, I’d say it depends on what book. Most of the books I read were fantasy. Mostly were violent with lots of deaths and a little sprinkle of trauma. It was fun being in the protagonist’s head. I was all for understanding different kinds of humans and believed that reading books could improve one’s empathy, but I never once dreamed of experiencing—
“Really?” the god interrupted my thoughts, “not once?”
If she was talking about great sex, then yes, I dreamed of it once. Twice. Multiple times. The protagonists would always, definitely, without a doubt, have great sex. My father seemed to have a lot of those. Why were mine so…underwhelming?
The god chuckled. “See?”
“Stop it!” I snapped. I wouldn’t be bought by that. She wanted a person as her weapon. Who would enjoy anything if the price was the possibility of an untimely death? I laughed in my head, because the irony wasn’t lost on me.
Suddenly, something pressed from every direction, like a thousand giant needles started poking at me—no, stabbing me. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream and cry and swear, but I couldn’t let the pain out.
“I’m not asking,” the god said, and her voice seeped into everything that I was. Into everything this place was. “You should be thankful that I took the time to talk.”
She didn’t ease the punishment.
I wanted lungs so I could breathe.
I wanted eyes so I could cry.
A mouth.
A hand.
Please!
“I will send you down to Prythian as High Fae.”
A hand started materializing. Slender, olive hands. Mine, but longer.
High Fae!
“An ancient threat looms, and you will be my weapon against it.”
My arms followed.
“I will give you Sever. But with it, comes the price of your immortal life,” she said, and for a second, I thought I heard her voice break. “Use it sparingly.”
My heart started racing. A heart! Alive again! My lips started to form. My nose. Eyes—
I snapped my eyes shut as pain pierced through them. A white blob of light hovered in front of me, speaking into my head. Somehow, I knew Sever was the power she had forced on me. It coursed through my veins, as natural as the blood now flowing together with it.
Sever—to break. To divide. To separate.
As the pressure started to subside, I knew my time here was coming to an end.
“Wait! Please!” I shouted.
The god paused, waiting. I gathered my thoughts. My skin hurt, burned from exposure to a god. I covered my eyes with my hands, but it was no use against her fading brilliance.
Prythian.
That word was familiar. It was a place? In a book I read years ago.
“Oh! Your mate, Azriel of the Night Court, the shadowsinger,” it answered, voice slowly fading, “is waiting for you down below.”
Excuse me, what now?
“Please know, with greatest sincerity, that I have nothing to do with this,” the god said, giggling, her voice echoing across this white nothingness. “It’s another god’s domain.”
There was more than one of you?
I pushed the thought away. I had no time to lose. I could feel her slipping from this place.
“Please, other than Sever, kindly grant me Water Magic, and then send me to the Summer Court,” I said in my most reverent tone.
Even without a physical body, I felt its head tilt. “Why?”
I lifted my chin, eyes still covered. “I told you, I want a peaceful life.”
Because from everything I could remember from the book, I knew I liked its High Lord, Tarquin. The nicest of them all. He was the least complicated one.
“I will grant it to you.”
The hairs on my arms rose, dread coiling in my chest.
Then there was nothing.
Then I was falling.
Fast.
Suddenly, there was air.
I opened my eyes and was met by the vast blue sky. I didn't remember the skies being so blue—so vibrant that it took my breath away. Literally. Because I realized I couldn’t scream. Still, it soothed me, enough that it reminded me of my old, coarse blanket. The one my mother gave me when I was much younger.
But reality had a way of seeping through the cracks. Moisture clung to my skin as clouds hurtled past me. Well, as I hurtled past the clouds.
My descent had sharpened—gravity doing its job.
I twisted my body mid-air—surprised that I could do that—and saw overwhelming blue again. It sparkled like a cobalt veil, gently swept by wind, the sun glinting on its surface. The sea!
But the wind had to scream louder.
Maybe it was the sharp senses of a Fae, but I didn’t know wind could howl this loud. I slammed my hands onto my ears, eyes snapping shut as it watered because of the damned wind, and waited for the…splash down.
But it didn’t come.
Everything quieted except for the peaceful chirping of birds, the sounds of human, well, Fae, civilization.
With the audible beating of my newly-made heart, I slowly opened my eyes and saw the most beautiful castle I had ever seen. Not that I’d seen a lot of castles in my past life. It sat proudly on top of a mountain—no, more like carved into it rather than built upon it. Creamy stone walls reflected the afternoon sun, turquoise spires rising in stark contrast against the towering canopy trees that dotted the mountain. I couldn’t find any glass windows from where I…
I looked down and realized I was hovering, held up by a pillar of water rising from the waters down below, my feet submerged in it. My hands crackled with energy, magic humming low beneath my fingers. Water Magic. I turned and found hundreds of houses encircling a half-moon bay, and at its heart, stood the pale castle.
God, it was so beautiful.
“I know!” A voice squealed inside my head. “It would be a shame to let it fall to ruin, wouldn't it?”
My eyes widened. “I didn't say you could talk to me!” I blasted through the tether where the god had spoken to.
“But you called for me!” she said, indignant.
I made a mental note not to carelessly throw that word around. She basically pushed me through that sky. Forced. Well, actually, I was insanely excited about being Fae and wielding magic and all that. But really, why did I have to be someone’s—some god’s weapon? It was like dangling an apple in front of me, then warning me it might be poisoned.
The analogy made me laugh out loud, considering what my name was.
The air grew hotter.
Burning arrows were—of course—racing through the air. In the setting sun, they almost looked like little stars hurtling towards home.
Nope.
It was racing towards me.
“Block it!” the god thundered in my head.
I raised my hand, feeling ridiculous, but a massive wall of water exploded from below. Steam hissed from contact, burning me—
The pillar I was standing on was pulled down by another force—magic. A scream tore through my throat as I fell.
“You have magic, you idiot!”
“You can’t blame me for forgetting! You basically tossed me—“
Before I could reach the water, a swirling water cannon hit my chest, slamming me towards the nearest lighthouse.
Stones cracked against my back. I coughed up blood, its coppery taste intensified by my fancy Fae tongue.
I barely had time to gasp before an invisible hand slammed me against the tower’s wall, and held me there. I writhed against it, but to no avail.
“Useless,” the god seethed. I felt her cold breath against my ear, or rather, she made me think that.
I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed until my voice was hoarse. Until the most beautiful man I’d ever laid my eyes on appeared in front of me, a frown on his face. His nearly white hair with a strange tinge of green was tied into a bun behind him. His eyes were a matching set of turquoise jewels, the same color as those spires.
My body jerked as another bout of laughter escaped from me. Aside from the shock of not feeling any pain, from the lack of broken bones in my body, I was completely, utterly, truly, riveted.
Darkness swept over me. I wasn’t afraid of it. During the nights that my father would bring home another woman, during the nights my mother’s death haunted my nightmares, during the nights I escaped into another world through my books, it was darkness who was there with me.
I welcomed it with open arms. I let it fill my veins. My thoughts. And I knew, without a doubt, this was Sever. I pushed it outward. Slowly.
Towards the High Lord of the Summer Court.
“Do not hurt them badly,” the god ordered calmly.
“No.”
“I sent you to save them!” she roared.
Blinding, white pain ripped through my body. I froze, eyes rolling back as it splintered every thought, every defiance I had. My hold on my power eased, my anger also ebbing towards submission. At the back of my head, I knew I wouldn’t just back down. This was unfair. I never wanted to live, not really. At least, not like this.
Tarquin’s power was still pressing me against the stone walls. “My lady, are you alright?”
I resisted the urge to laugh. Hilarious question, that one. His voice was muffled, but I could hear genuine worry in it, which sobered me up. I didn’t answer, stars still dancing behind my eyes.
Later on, I felt the wind on my face, soft and gentle, and realized he was carrying me in his arms.
“I must deeply apologize, my admiral thought you’re one of Koschei’s.”
Koschei. Who was that?
We landed on the shore, aware of the watchful eyes on us. I used Tarquin’s arms for support as I wobbled on my feet, still not used to this Fae body. I was wearing a long, thin white dress, the one typically worn by white ladies in those wretched horror movies. I felt exactly like them, though. Actually, I was one, moments ago.
But I was definitely drenched to the bone.
“Can I borrow a jack—a cloak or something?” I said. Even my own voice sounded loud to my ears. I reached for one, and my stomach dropped cold.
They were elongated. Pointed.
I was Fae.
Tarquin’s gaze traveled down my body, and somehow, he had the audacity to gulp before handing me a cloak. I snatched it from his hands with a growl.
Yes. A growl.
Apparently, becoming Fae meant dialing up the unfortunate animal settings buried deep within a human gene. And here I was, the living proof.
But what surprised me the most was the people behind him, bowed to the waist, eyes on the sand.
I tilted my head to the side.
Tarquin noticed the movement, and inclined his head to me. “We were foretold of your coming.”
I couldn’t help it—I snickered. “All of you, raise your heads.”
When they did, I burst out laughing. “I’m sorry,” I said, still wheezing. “But the god who sent me definitely didn’t prepare me for—“ I flung my arms out. “—this.”
Somewhere among the crowd, I felt shadows staring. Unflinchingly. And unamused.
Tarquin laughed softly beside me, then stilled.
Because out in the sea, true darkness was approaching the Summer shore.
Towards us.
Or me.
— end of Chapter One —