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“A witch is never to wield their pen whilst under the influence of emotions.” Aoi’s mother had told her when she was young. Her tone was sweet as she pet her on the head softly so as to stop her from crying. “It never ends well for anyone involved, after all.” She whispered, Aoi’s hiccup sounded louder through the room.
Of course Aoi knew magic in a fit of sadness, rage or confusion was unbecoming of a witch. Rules that were well pushed into her mind, never to be forgotten during and after her growth. She knew, she knew, she knew. Her father did too.
Once the tears stopped streaming, her mother humming a soft tune to her — her mother, trying her best to console her while her heart must’ve been in so much pain as well — she was a blink away of being taken by the tranquility of dreams.
The last words she heard her mother say that night were in a much harsher tone, one Aoi knew was not meant to be heard by her young ears whatsoever. “We know how it ended for your father, don’t we?”
Perhaps it was meant for Aoi to hear. But her mother wasn’t so cruel, she was simply heartbroken just like herself.
It still left a great impression on her, the warmly awaited dreams gradually shifting into nightmare upon nightmare.
—
The two met in the Great Hall’s garden. Ah, could it even be called a garden? Grass didn’t grow in the hall Aoi lived, but the witches who come and go once decided to hide decorative glyphs of flowers in a back corner.
Aoi adored this specific place of the Hall, maybe it was the only part the liked about it. Studying hard was a constant in her life, she felt the need to achieve her goal as soon as possible. After all, the sooner she reaches the Tower of Tomes, the sooner she can uncover the spell of memory erasure and —
“Oh! Are you making flowers?” A voice asked from behind, causing the girl previously drawing in complete peace to flinch and turn around swiftly. She didn’t quite expect to see a witch her age to come here. Most were busy doing.. anything else. A rush of shame came over her at that moment—Aoi Akane, beloved for her beauty and skill for her age, gardening in a far corner where grass and dirt would never reach?
The girl luckily didn’t seem to notice who she was. It brought a slight sense of relief that she could have an unprejudiced conversation with a peer.
“Yes,” she smiled, sitting down more comfortably. “The flowers are really pretty, even if they’re artificial..” She looked back at the flowers and then at her unfinished circle. “Do you want me to teach you the general spell?”
The girl’s eyes brightened and she bopped her head up and down in a series of nods. Her hand stuck out towards Aoi. “I’m Nene Yashiro! And you’re?”
Aoi chuckled as she lifted her hand to rest on her jaw as she often did. “Aoi. Aoi Akane.”
That was how they’d first met, Aoi could never forget that day. She felt happy to finally be a little less alone in her endeavors. Technically, she did have a friend prior—but she didn’t quite pay attention to him whenever he was around. Naturally, she was thankful he stopped the other kids from pestering her, but they didn’t speak much.
So.. to have made a new friend, on her own no less—her mother didn’t have to contact her friend’s apprentices just to let them cross paths—warmed her heart.
—
That warmth didn’t last long as the disgusting feelings started to fester inside her. What was it.. jealousy? She knew she was always an envious person.
She envied Akane for how easy he was to befriend. For how loving he was, it felt disgusting that Aoi could never be so naturally loved.
Now she envied Nene. Not necessarily the girl herself, she wasn’t effortlessly loved either. Aoi always took the chance to stand up for her when someone made a comment about her, but how easy she loved.
Every week, she came to their cafeteria table with a new story.
“This boy helped me with perfecting my sigil!” She would say, and Aoi would grossly think I could’ve helped you too.
“I lost my pen, and this boy helped me find it!” She would cheer, showing off the pen in question. I could have found it for you too, Aoi would selfishly think.
At the very least, Aoi was sure Nene would stay forever oblivious to these feelings of hers. Nene was far too focused on these boys that did anything positive for her sake, even if they thought nothing of it.
It got to a pitying point where everything she did was for a boy’s attention. She came to Aoi in the garden to show her a bouquet she made for the nth boy of the week.
“Aoi! Do you think I should change any of these glyphs?” She called out, holding it forward.
Aoi frowned internally. Why do so much? She’ll get over the boy in a week’s time anyway.
No, don’t think that way. Let her be happy. Maybe even tell her a story to divert the attention to you for a little bit before she leaves—no, no, Aoi! Don’t do that either!
Smile, compliment, congratulate, and move on. That’s what she always does. It’ll get easier once she achieves her goal.
“No, it’s a beautiful bundle of magic. I’m sure he’ll adore it and you eventually.” She said as sincerely as she could. Thoughts saying I adore you too are left unsaid and burried deep within her heart.
“Thank you! I’m so excited!” Nene cheered, jumping up and down in her ever childlike joy. Aoi supposed they’re still children, though..
“Hehe. Keep me updated.” Was all she said as she turned back to adjusting the flower glyphs to make more unique ones.
—
“Aoiiii….!!! He laughed at me!” Nene yelled, Aoi hearing thumps of her running footsteps approaching their cafeteria table.
“Really? Don’t worry. Once I pass the test to reach the Tower of Tomes, I’ll find a good spell to get back at him.” Aoi giggled, making a subtle show of lifting her finger before her lips in a promise of secrecy.
Nene’s eyes lit up in return—that brightness Aoi so adored.
“You’re amazing, Aoi..! What would I do without a witch as skilled as you?” She hugged Aoi as she said it, but her words didn’t feel warm enough to match the action.
What would I do without a witch as skilled as you, instead of a friend like you. All Aoi ever wanted.. why can’t Nene understand her? Why can’t Nene see her for who she is? She’s a person too. A witch isn’t all she is and can be..!
Aoi hated it. To live a life normal in the eyes of outsiders had gradually become more and more desirable than one seen as normal in the eyes of witches.
Aoi hated lying. She hated concealing the truth. It never did her any good. How could it? It’s a cruel act, you’ll never truly learn who a person is if they lie.
But Aoi lied, and she will continue to selfishly lie for as long as she can. If not to achieve her idealized goal of freedom, then to stay friends with Nene.
Right, Nene. Comfort her.
“Actually, I’ve recently been reminded of an old tale.. rememeber the story of the Mermaid Scales?”
Nene liked haunting stories. Those myths from their extensive history, the curses that came with them. For some odd reason, they always helped Nene calm down. It had no such effect on Aoi, the thought of curses scared her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy reading the tales behind them. And even if she stopped enjoying it, she would continue to learn them just to have something to tell Nene.
That way, the girl will have at least something to remember her by, because she clearly will not be remembered as her real self.
Distantly, a voice in the back of her head says it’s her own fault. She can’t blame Nene for that, it claims.
Aoi digresses.
—
Nene was lying to her.
Perhaps she wasn’t actually lying, but hiding a secret from her.
Aoi failed to see the difference between the two. Your father hid secrets from you too. He’s a liar.
She first noticed it when Nene started showing up to the cafeteria later and later. Aoi was no fan of crowds in the slightest, so being in such a busy place was discomforting, and Nene’s lack of presence always made it more and more suffocating.
And now that comfort was god knows where. And as the time passed, Aoi gave up waiting, instead heading right toward the garden. Her safe space, indeed.
How she despised seeing Nene here when she was just waiting for her in the cafeteria.
“Nene! You’re here!” Aoi called out anyway, causing Nene to swiftly turn around with a rather fabricated smile on her face. The moment now felt quite like when they met a few years ago. “Is anything bothering you? I was waiting for you in the cafeteria.”
She worried. She couldn’t help but worry, even if she’s fighting off her disgusting distrust in the girl.
“Aoi! Sorry, I just lost the time while.. making a flower spell for a new friend!” Nene said. Lying. Nene can’t lie well, she’d always rather run away than tell a lie. It must be important, in that case.
“Oh? Who’s that friend of yours?” Aoi inquired, stepping closer to the hunched down girl and trying to take a peek at her palm squire.
A hand quickly covered it.
“Kou Minamoto! You know, the little brother of Minamoto-senpai?”
Teru Minamoto. Aoi knew him, even though she wished she didn’t. She didn’t… hate him, per se, but he was annoying. Not in the way the other guys were annoying, he just required more attention Aoi could bring herself to give.
However, he was training to become a Knight, so should a time come where the Tower of Tomes fails her..
“Isn’t he younger? You usually go for the older playboy types..” She teased, knowing her curiosity won’t be fullfilled. She heard Kou was a good kid, so she wasn’t as anxious as usual.
Nene didn’t fall for the fluster-bait of the word playboy this time, however. “Huh..?! No! I don’t like him! He.. actually, he’s going to confess to someone else! So I’m helping him!”
Kou, a crush? Little brother of infamous Teru Minamoto would surely have rumors spread if he had a crush. Aoi would know.
“Then, could I help at all?” Aoi asked, making a show of spinning her pen between her fingers. “I’m rather good at making flower spells, after all!”
“Ah! No, it’s all right! I’ll.. continue finishing my spell elsewhere!” Nene yelped, standing up straight as a pencil. An unwilling frown formed on Aoi’s face.
Nene ran off, leaving Aoi to look at her back until she turned the corner.
What was Nene hiding from her?
The next morning, word was going around fast about Teru Minamoto’s little brother going missing after being seen with a witch wearing a brimmed cap.
When Aoi saw Teru that day, he looked absolutely miserable.
It made Aoi wonder just how much Nene knew about it.
—
Not long after Kou’s disappearance did the period for the third exam’s preparation begin. Nene wasn’t going to do it yet, but she insisted on going there and waiting for Aoi nonetheless.
Surprise was the first thing she felt when Nene, after being avoidant for a while, insisted upon cheering for her. And who was Aoi to refuse?? She missed her best friend deep down, after all.
So she took on the test and passed with little struggle. Her mind set on finding a book on memory erasure spells. Soon, she’ll finally be able to live without those disgusting feelings she harbors.
Once the book containing the memory erasure spells was found, she made sure to memorize, memorize, memorize every single line and twirl of every spell.
Would she be a better person once she uses the spell? Her father’s absence has always been the reason she was unable to trust and confine in people. It was detrimental, Aoi hated it, but it was who she was—a doubtful witch. A hypocrite, claiming to hate lies but being two faced herself.
Maybe, just maybe, once she forgets, she’ll be able to build a real bond with Nene too. She can take the first step in being understood, instead of feeling the need to know more just to feel safe in her friendships.
That was why, when she returned, she didn’t bother looking for Nene. The second her feet his solid ground, she whipped out her palm squire and pen, only to be interrupted by the very same person she was avoiding.
“Aoi! You’re already drawing? Found what you were looking for?” Nene asked cheerfully. What was up with her mood? Aoi hasn’t seen her this happy since.. she stopped interacting so closely with her.
Ignore her. Draw.
“Aoi..?”
Forget. Let your bitterness go.
Her vision blurred.
“A-Aoi? You’re crying..” Nene said, her giddiness subsided. “Did you see something unsettling?”
Aoi couldn’t help the rising anger.
“No. I found exactly what I wanted to.” She said, not turning around to face her, even though Nene could see her face regardless. She couldn’t properly see where she was drawing, but she hoped the circle was proper enough.
“Then.. what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you cry before.”
Aoi grit her teeth, her hand stilled before it started trembling.
“Maybe that’s because you’ve never cared—!” She yelled, turning to face Nene clearly.
“What—?”
“I have cried before, when my mother told me that my father left us just to pursue forbidden magic! But you didn’t know, did you? You never asked.” The sound of a stick snapping in half rang loudly between them as Aoi took a step back.
“Aoi—“
“What do you even know about me, Nene?” Aoi asked in a quieter voice than before.
Nene made a confused sound, opening and closing her mouth a few times.
“You like gardening, you like telling me scary stories from history, or about curses, why don’t you trust me?” Nene asked pathetically after reciting merely the most basic facts about her.
“Why don’t I trust you? Tell me, Nene, why have you been so avoidant lately? When I ask where you’re going, or want to spend time together like before, you’re busy! And that boy, Kou, did you know his supposed crush was a brimhat?!”
What was wrong with her? Aoi never acts like this. Why now? Lines kept appearing on the palm squire hidden under her robe.
“I..” Nene faltered. So she knew, Aoi was right then. Sickening pressure stayed present in her gut.
A witch is never to wield their pen whilst under the influence of emotions.
“What else have you been hiding from me?”
“Aoi, I care about you, I do. This isn’t you—“
“Isn’t me? I’m sure you’d say it wasn’t like me even if I threw you in a deadly pit!”
“Where did that come from?!”
“Be honest with me!”
Leaves falling onto the ground surrounding them. Nene seemed to be genuinely considering her words.
“I can’t tell you the full details. Somehow I.. got in contact with a brimhat. They told me something concerning about myself, that’s really it! We’re working to solve it! I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry.”
The circle closed under Aoi’s cloak.
A witch is never to wield their pen whilst under the influence of—
“Luckily, you won’t have to worry about that if you don’t know me!”
A glyph was shoved in Nene’s face before she could respond.
A glyph was.. Nene’s face?
Aoi went to these lengths to forget her father. She wanted to be understood, not forgotten—what has she done?
A thump followed as Nene fell on the ground harshly.
Aoi was frozen in place.
She didn’t know for how long she stood in place. She didn’t know when she fell to the ground next to her best friend.
But eventually, her dear friend awoke.
“N-Nene!” Aoi called, reaching out to her before flinching. “I-I’m sorry—“
“Who are you?” Nene asked, rubbing at her head.
Right. She’d almost forgotten what she did.
“Who… am I?”
What? That’s.. not the spell she drew, right?
Right?
It never ends well for anyone involved, after all.