Work Text:
A bruise formed as the fist was slammed across his face.
“Never show your face here again!” Akito scowled, storming away and leaving Toya to his own demise in the alleyway.
He grabbed the wall to prevent himself from falling over. The brick against his skin was rough, scratching at his fingers. Toya’s feet were about to give way, if not for the wall beside him.
The bruise still stung as he wiped his cheek and limped away.
~
Toya stopped in front of his door. Do I have to face him? I don’t want to be here. I should just-
…..Oh. Right. I can’t go to Akito’s house now.
Clicking the door open, his father was nowhere to be found. The air was tense as always, years of torturous hell being cultivated here. All of the walls were too clean - Toya considered smashing a plant against the wall to just make the crushing perfection just stop. He didn’t, wobbling towards the steps.
There were some clothes on the dresser in his room. He swiftly picked them up, going down the hallway. Swinging the bathroom door open, he slammed it shut with a force that shook the doorframe. He leaned on the counter.
In the mirror was Toya, staring back into his eyes with an empty gaze. He looked horrible, bruise and all. The hair that itched on him was tangled and a mess of strands. Blood was faintly visible on his cheek from impact. Every time he clenched his jaw, it hurt, the taste of iron filling his mouth. Actually, Toya could barely see himself. The bathroom was dark, with the only light being the one of the air diffuser. His vision blurred, everything veering in and out of focus, shapes turning into splotches and then taking form again. The clothes on him itched like hell. He wanted to peel them off and then rip them to small shreds to just forget what happened approximately twenty minutes ago every time he wore them.
…..What was he doing?
I should probably take a shower. That might help me feel better.
He must have blanked out, because before he knew it, his clothes were in heaps on the ground and the shower was on.
It felt much better to not be wearing them.
Stepping into the shower, the fierce water stung against his skin. The bruise started to hurt again, a sharp pain going into his cheek.
The hot water felt nice, his hair now sagging and dripping droplets of water.
There he stood for god knows how long, thinking.
I deserved that punch.
He’s better off without me.
My reason for being there is too half-assed.
Why did I even sing with him to begin with?
Why am I still here in this house?
Why?
The sound of a piano playing a symphony filled his brain - what he should be doing instead of street music.
It hurts. Stop it. I don’t want to go back to playing classical music.
“But you have to.” Harumichi said before, echoing in his head.
No I don’t. Stop it. Stop.
“Yes you do. This is the correct path. I know the best for you, the decisions that you will make will always lead to your demise.”
Shut up.
“What a failure you are.”
I’m not a failure.
“You even left your partner - how horrible of you.”
JUST SHUT UP!
A pound on the door brought him to his senses.
“Toya! Stop screaming. You woke your mother up.” Harumichi said - this time, it was actually him behind the bathroom door. “Come out here this instant.”
Shit. I’ve been saying that all out loud. “Yes, father.” Toya mumbled quickly, not even loud enough to hear over the running water. Once he shut it off, he rushed to dry himself off and throw his clothes on. A patch that he found in the drawer will have to do.
“NOW!”
Frantically unlocking the door, he opened it to Harumichi leaning over him with a fierce anger.
“Why must you be yelling like this in the middle of the night?! Are you insane?! Me and your mother need to sleep.” he bellowed.
“Father, let me-“
“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! As punishment, for all of tomorrow, you are to practice Chopin’s Fantaisie-Impromptu and give a flawless performance. You should have it memorized from when you were a child. Is that clear?”
“….No. I shall not. Like I said, I’m no longer playing piano.” He took a step back.
“You will, unless you never want to step out of this house again.” Toya winced, his body shaking slightly. “Is that clear?”
“I will not. Why won’t you listen to me? Why can’t you understand?” Toya’s voice wavered, the utmost anger seeped into it. “DO YOU HEAR ME? I’M NOT GOING BACK!” Shoving past his father, Toya ran down the shined stairs and out the door again.
“Toya!”
~
Running down his house steeet, the lights were dim, the sound of his feet repeatedly hitting the ground creating the only noise in the air. Toya didn’t even know where he was going - he just needed to get away. Nausea grew in his throat quickly, the motion of everything feeling like so much. Cold air constantly hit his face. It must have been raining a bit, since his clothes were starting to stick to him. Or was it the feel of his sweat? He didn’t care. Turning into a random alleyway in some houses, Toya leaned against the wall weakly.
I ran away.
I ran.
Always running from everything.
Running from my “fate.”
Defying in hopes that it could help me keep myself.
What even am I?
Just a doll for him to uselessly command?
Toya slid down the wall, curling up into a helpless ball there.
A feeling latched at his chest, agonizingly painful and crushing.
He could feel tears rising up, but-
……
…..I……
I can’t cry.
….Why can’t I cry?
Toya choked out a sob, nothing else coming out.
I want to cry.
Let me cry. Please.
He tried again, choking on his own sobs and cries. Nothing was working. Why didn’t it work?
I can’t even fucking cry anymore.
Pianos and the held-back tears he felt as the keys played endlessly floated into his head.
How long has it been since I’ve even cried?
Crying was foreign to him - he doesn’t know a time where he has. What does crying feel like?
Is my vision unfocusing again?
Toya gave up, burying his head into his hands to try to conceal the quiet cries of pain, and screams that emitted inside of his brain.
Will I ever be free?
I just want to disappear.
….Maybe I should.
Yeah.
I wouldn’t be missed by anyone, anyways.
~
After some time, he got up, walking out the other end of the alley. He started to walk.
A bridge was in front of him, full of cars below and pretty high.
He stared at it as he clenched the railing.
Toya Aoyagi took a breath at exactly 11:12 PM.
~