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The sky was clear with only a few wisps of clouds scattered across the blue. Cassie turned off the ignition to her car, unbuckled her seatbelt, and opened her car door. She takes in a breath of fresh air, smiling briefly at the Valentine’s decor on the exterior of the café she was parked outside of. Cassie walks towards the door and decides to wait for Regina inside.
The two have decided to meet in some kind of reunion after almost a decade. Cassie admits that she’s missed Reg. They’ve only ever had contact online or through messages in the past couple years, and even then, it occurred too sparsely for Cassie’s liking. So the both of them took the chance on one of the only free days they had.
The bell above the café doors chimed as Cassie stepped in. She made a beeline for the counter to order a drink and sat on one of the tables by the windows overlooking the street, patiently awaiting her companion.
She had asked for Regina’s ETA. And five minutes before her arrival, Cassie has gotten up from her seat again to order something for Reg. She comes back holding a steaming cup before placing it on the table. When she is settled back in her seat, a smile appears on her face as she sees Regina walking up to the entrance of the café.
Cassie’s heart flutters, swears that it still skips a beat at the sight of the other woman, seeing Regina smiling gently back at her through the glass. She feels a slight twinge in her chest at seeing how much Regina has matured physically—she could trace the faint wrinkles at the corners of her eyes from smiling. Though Regina still exuded that confident and playful demeanor she had back then, just a little more relaxed now.
Cassie stood up once more when Regina finally entered the café, pulling out a chair for the latter and guiding her to sit down.
A beat passes, just the two of them admiring how time treated each other, faint smiles on their faces.
“Cassie.” Reg begins, still keeping her eyes on the woman in front of her.
“Reginald.” Cassie greets back, her smile widening at the soft snicker that escaped Regina’s lips. She then motions to the cup in front of Reg, lightly pushing it towards her, “I wasn’t sure if you still liked matcha kaya I got the safest option—a latte.”
Regina’s smile widens as she takes the cup, sighing softly at her hands heating up from the warmth radiating from her drink. “Thank you, Soy. How much is this?”
Cassie shakes her head, “It’s okay, sagot ko na. Ikaw na bumili ng tickets natin for mamaya eh.”
Reg purses her lips, nodding lightly. “Fine. Pero ako naman bibili ng pastries natin.” Regina stood up after taking a sip from her latte. “What do you want?”
Cassie stood up as well. “Hala, ako na. You got us patron seats for mamaya eh.”
“No, okay lang. Ako na. I insist.” Regina has only walked to the side of their table when Cassie grabbed her wrist.
“Reg, please. Ako na.”
Regina raised a brow at the other woman. It’s always been like this even before in their dates in the past. The two could never agree on who would pay for what, leading them to take tabs on who paid for their dates. It’s been a system ever since—they would alternate between paying for their dates. But things have changed and it’s a whole lot different now.
“Soy,” Regina uttered, her tone stern. “Ako na. Ano gusto mo?”
Cassie sighed softly. It was always a losing battle for her whenever Regina would use that commanding voice. She perches back in her seat, swallowing the lump in her throat, and accepts her ‘defeat’. “‘Yung carrot cake.” She answers, offering a small smile.
Reg returns the smile, content that they’ve smoothed things over. “Okay. Be right back.”
Cassie watches as she walks over to the counter to presumably order their pastries. She watches as the barista at the counter takes their sweets from the display counter before putting them on the tray. Regina comes back with a slice of Cassie’s carrot cake, a slice of cheesecake for Reg, and a decorated heart-shaped donut on another plate. The donut was purposely cut in half for two people—or in this holiday's case, a couple—to share. Cassie was just about to ask on it when Regina beat her to it.
“They gave us a free donut. Promo daw nila ngayon for couples.”
Cassie feels her cheeks warm up. She guesses it was the barista’s best interest to assume that they were a couple given the holiday today. “Oh.”
“Sino ba naman ako para tumanggi sa grasya ‘di ba?” Regina sat back down, a sardonic chuckle escaping her lips.
They enjoyed the rest of their late morning, chatting about and catching each other up in their works, careers, and their overall lives over brunch at the café. Cassie noted how particular Regina was about sharing her personal life in regards to her relationships. Then she remembers she has no right to dabble into it, saving herself and Regina from the ache of old wounds reopening.
“May mask ka?” Regina asks as they were walking back to Cassie’s car. Since Regina’s current address was near the café Cassie had picked out for them this day, the latter had to take her car to get there while Reg only took a twenty-minute commute.
“Huh? Ah, yes. Ikaw?” Cassie ignored the faint pang in her chest at the implication of hiding themselves later in the coliseum to avoid detection of being featured on the big screen together.
Regina nodded, then gestured to her sunglasses clipped on the collar of her shirt. “May shades pa.”
Cassie plastered on a smile, however stiff it may be, before opening her passenger side door for Regina. She waited until the other woman was situated in her passenger seat before closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side. She gets in, buckles the seatbelt, and turns the ignition on. She turns to the side to ask Reg if she was ready to go when she was genuinely surprised that the latter was already looking back at her with a wide smile on her face.
“Bakit?”
“Pasahero mo pa rin si Stitch,” Reg answered, a hand gesturing to the sizable Stitch plushie sat with a seatbelt on in the rear seats.
Cassie smiled. “Yeah, well, he’s kept me safe on the road.”
Reg turns in her seat and pulls the plush out of the seatbelt, hugging it gently and getting a whiff of a familiar scent from all those years ago. The plushie’s color had faded from time, the fur was matted in some places, and there were frayed threads along the seams, but it was still the same plush that held so many memories that the two of them couldn’t erase even if they wanted to. “I’m glad.”
Cassie takes a quick glance beside her, the sight taking her back to frequent road trips in the past with friends and teammates alike. The others would fight and bicker over who gets to hold Stitch while on the road. But ultimately, once Regina was sat in the passenger seat, she automatically gets all the rights to holding and cuddling Stitch for as long as she wants to. Sometimes, even for the whole car ride. It was an unspoken rule in Cassie’s car that their friends and teammates have integrated in their road trips and carpools, lest they deal with Cassie forcing them off her car and leaving them on the side of the road.
It didn’t take them half an hour before they arrived at the Rizal Memorial Coliseum. Cassie put her cap on along with her mask while Regina wore her shades with her mask as well as a hoodie Cassie lent her before they left the car.
They discreetly entered the arena, though the packed venue from the opening weekend of the season proved to be difficult. Regina pulled the hood over her head as they tried to find their seats on the courtside.
The match for today was only just beginning once Cassie and Reg had finally found their seats. They watched on with pride as the roster of the Golden Tigresses were introduced, reminiscing on the times when they were still in those players’ shoes, facing every game with all their might. Cassie especially remembers the first time she played for the black and gold. It was in the same venue they were currently in. Cassie recalls the fear and excitement of playing for a new school she recently transferred to. She was worried about the expectations of everyone on her as the newly-recruited playmaker. She doesn’t know if she would easily be accepted into the community of UST’s beloved student-athletes. But all her jitters were eventually calmed down by one of the girls she’s become close with during their training sessions. Regina Jurado had held both of her hands, welcomed her to her first game as a Tigress, and told her she would be doing great. Simple words yet it was enough to calm the hammering of Cassie’s heart at that time. She turned to her side, a smile forming on her lips under her mask, as she glanced over to Reg. The latter was focused on the match as the game announcer stated the first attack point of the Golden Tigresses in courtesy of the young opposite hitter on the court.
The game had ended after a thrilling five sets won by the Golden Tigresses. Both Cassie and Regina could feel their hearts racing at every point during the fifth set. They were thankful that all that stress resulted in relief for a well-deserved win. They were also thankful that the cameras never recognized or caught them on the large screen on the side of the arena. Though, a patron two rows in front of them kept discreetly looking back, trying to discern their faces. They quickly stood up and left the venue before the person could come up and confirm their identities.
It was a little after 4PM when they were back on the road again, Stitch still on Regina’s lap. They were both humming along to the radio, their voices rising by a few decibels whenever a song they both liked was on. It continued like that until the Manila Bay came into view. Reg rolled the window down and felt the soft breeze outside blow gently on her hair.
They got out of the car and decided for a stroll along the Seaside. The MOA Seaside, due to the nature of the holiday today, was bustling with couples and family alike, all celebrating in their own ways. Cassie and Regina were ambling along the bay, with most of their covers disregarded with only the cap left on Cassie’s head. Regina surmised that the hood of Cassie’s hoodie would be enough from people recognizing her. She figured she wasn’t that much known anymore after her early retirement in the sports industry. Cassie frowned at Reg’s comments but kept mum.
The silence between them was a comfortable one—Cassie was content at that moment with only the sea breeze accompanying them, and at Reg who looked like she was at peace at that instance. Cassie cast a glance to her side and took her chance to get a really good look on the other woman. She still had that youthful glow that first caught Cassie’s eyes when they chanced upon each other in court when they were still in rival schools. Although it was now adorned with soft lines at the edges of her eyes—her eyes that gradually lost that spark they once had and whom Cassie swore would glow a heavenly shade of gold and brown under the sun. Looking at it now, the sides of Cassie’s lips twitch from adoration at the sight of Regina’s eyes glowing that same shade under the setting sun.
“Baka matunaw ako, ah.”
The shorter woman was cut from her reverie at the sound of Reg’s voice. There was a teasing lilt to her tone and Cassie could glimpse a sliver of a smirk from Regina’s turned head. She lets out a playful scoff, shaking her head. “Huwag. Bawal. ‘Di ako papayag.”
Regina’s eyes squint from mirth before turning her gaze back to the swathe of colors amidst the clouds and the sky. They had reached a part of the bay where the crowds had dwindled down in numbers. Everyone was sat near the edge of the bay, getting front row seats for the beautifully painted sky from the sunset. Cassie and Regina had found a vacant spot near the ledge to stay for a while and enjoy the sight. The view wasn’t all that spectacular or romantic or astounding given that they were situated by the far end of the walkway, but Cassie would argue that the sight of Regina bathed in warm orange was far more magnificent than any other sunset she has ever witnessed.
As soon as the sun had set and dusk had replaced the colors in the sky, the two women opted to have dinner in a restaurant on the farthest side in the line of establishments by the water. Small chatter was made until Regina asked Cassie what she was planning on doing tomorrow.
“I… hindi ko pa alam, Reg. Sorry.”
Cassie feels a tug in her chest as Regina purses her lips and nods a little before forcing a small smile. She wanted to pull Regina away from here and from everything. Take her someplace where it would only be the two of them, unworried about everything else in the world. Instead, she raises a hand and gestures at the waiter for their bill.
The walk back to Cassie’s car was a little bleak. That comfortable silence from earlier turned into somewhat awkward as they were getting in the car. Regina was quiet when she was settled back in the passenger seat—Stitch still in her arms but the plush was just sitting on her lap.
“I don’t want the night to end yet,” she mutters under her breath.
Cassie places a hand on Regina’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. Maaga pa.” She offers a comforting smile which the other woman returns before turning on the ignition.
It didn’t take long for Regina to recognize the streets of Escolta and Ermita along the way. She knew immediately where Cassie was planning on taking her. And soon enough, the all-too-familiar view of España Blvd. confirmed her thoughts.
Cassie parked in front of a convenience store and got out of her car, walking to the other side to open Regina's door for her. Together, they walk along the streets they were once versed with navigating through. They walk past students fresh out from their night classes scampering to get home, and nostalgia hits them knowing they were also in the same situation back in the day—rushing to their classes, to their training sessions late at night, and just living the life of what students should be doing.
Unconsciously, still lost in those sentimental memories, they managed to arrive in Dangwa. Cassie’s eyes lit up at the bustling street of flower vendors at this time of night due to the holiday. She turned and was greeted by Regina who already had a knowing smile on her face. Cassie was flooded with flashbacks of her classes ending and running directly after to buy flowers for Reg for their dates. Safe to say that Cassie had improved her bargaining skills, negotiating with the vendors for the single stem of flower she would buy each time. It was a different flower every time. And the preserved flowers above Regina’s bed would multiply after every date until she had a bouquet of dried flowers.
“Manang, may orchids po?” Cassie had asked the seller in the stand she once used to frequent. Though the vendor was different now.
“Nako, iha. Kakaubos lang, Valentine's kasi ngayon. Balik kayo bukas, fresh delivery pa ‘yon.” The vendor answered as she fanned herself. “‘Wag kayo bumili sa iba, malapit nang malanta ‘yung mga ‘yon.” She added in a whisper.
Cassie and Regina chuckled softly before bidding their goodbyes.
“Sayang, balik na lang tayo bukas para mabigyan kita ng orchid.” Orchids were one of Regina’s favorite flowers. Cassie was always on the lookout for them in the past but the vendors would rarely sell them in singular flowers. She’d have to buy whole flower arrangements just to give Regina an orchid.
“Soy…” Regina uttered, a somber smile on her face.
Cassie hummed softly, her brows raising in question. Then her face dropped at the realization. They couldn’t go back tomorrow. “Oh.”
Regina pursed her lips in understanding, her heart aching from Cassie’s hopeful expression previously.
“Sorry,” Cassie muttered under her breath, cursing herself in her head for momentarily forgetting.
Regina stayed silent with a small nod of her head before continuing their walk.
They carried on perusing in the night, remembering the streets their bus would take after a game in which they would both immediately rush out as soon as it was parked to run to the nearest convenience store to buy themselves ice creams or ‘post-game treats’ as they would call it. Then if their schedule allowed it, they’d stay in those stores just chatting away the night, talking about anything and everything and only leaving long after they finished their ice creams.
As they were walking, Regina unconsciously linked their hands together. Cassie’s heart mellows at the cold feeling of metal in her hand. She takes a glance at their intertwined hands and smiles softly at the metal band on Regina’s finger. She still vividly remembers the day she got her that ring.
Cassie stood patiently as the jeweller began engraving their names on the ring bands she just picked out. Her heart was pounding, overthinking if Regina would like her gift. Though, as Xyza had comforted her earlier, Reg would like anything she would give her—even if it was a half-eaten bag of chips—because she wouldn’t care what it would be as long as it was from Cassie. That had calmed her down a little, enough to continue with her plan on visiting a local jewelry shop to buy the rings.
When the jeweller came back with the pair of rings in a small velvet box, Cassie gently caressed her thumb along the band of the ring, smiling genuinely at the engravings on the inside: “yna” and “soy”.
Later that night, Cassie presented the box to Regina and watched as a heartwarming and sincere expression appeared on the latter’s face.
“Happy Anniversary, Yna.” Cassie started, taking the ring with Regina’s name on it before carefully bringing it to her hand that she was holding. “It isn’t much, silver ring lang siya na may pangalan natin sa loob. It’s simple, just how you like it.” Once the ring was on Regina’s finger, they both pause to admire it, Cassie’s thumb caressing along the band once more. “But this is also my way of promising you na bibigyan kita ng mas magandang singsing in the years to come, if you would permit it.”
“Soy…” Regina was speechless. She couldn’t properly express the overwhelming love she was feeling for the other woman in fear that it wouldn’t translate well. So she takes the other ring, takes Cassie’s hand in hers, and slips the ring onto her finger, bringing it up to her lips to press a soft kiss on it once she is done. “I love you, Cassie.”
“I love you too, Regina.”
“You still have it,” Cassie states.
“Hmm?”
“‘Yung singsing.” Cassie raised their connected hands for emphasis. “Nasa ‘yo pa rin.”
Regina blinked, “Ah, yeah. Sabi mo nga dati, it’s a reminder that we’ll always have each other.” She sneaks a quick look at Cassie’s own hand and frowns a little when she doesn’t find her ring there. “‘Yung sa’yo?”
Before Reg could even finish her question, Cassie was already pulling on the chain on her neck, revealing the ring that was resting under her shirt. “Suot ko pa rin. Just in a different way,” Cassie answers, pausing to contemplate her next words. “Hindi tayo umabot hanggang dulo eh.” She continues albeit a little quieter.
The frown on Regina’s lips deepened from the guilt. She was about to apologize when Cassie tugs the both of them to a nearby street food vendor. The scene brings back a few more memories—one usually after their training sessions or an important exam. Cassie would treat Regina to a tusok-tusok stall after a quiz or an exam regardless if Reg was satisfied or not with the efforts she exerted on them. It’s to show that Cassie was still proud of her with whatever result she would get. In turn, Regina would treat Cassie after their trainings just to get something in their stomachs until they get dinner.
After getting a cup filled with kikiam, kwek-kwek, and fishball in their hands, they sit down on the curb near the street food vendor quietly savoring their food.
“Are you…” Cassie carefully thinks of her next words, “excited? For tomorrow, I mean.”
Regina pokes her stick through a piece of fishball. “I have no reason to be. Hindi naman ikaw ‘yung makakaharap ko bukas.”
Cassie stays silent, her brows slightly furrowed and a frown was present on her lips.
When they finished their street food and threw their plastic cups into the trash bag next to the stall, they went back to Cassie’s car and continued their drive. This time, their night together really was nearing its end.
As the hotel overlooking the rest of Metro Manila came into view, they knew that this would be their last stop. Regina had been sick of this place for the past week while Cassie had been actively avoiding it.
They got out of the car and walked directly past the reception and straight to the elevators. Once inside, Regina gave Cassie her cap back as well as her hoodie. The latter was strategic enough to lend Reg her cap to cover her up and save her from the possible gossip and rumors the hotel staff would make about her tomorrow.
When they were in front of Regina’s room, she took her keycard out from her wallet, tapped it on the door, and let themselves in. Cassie instantly took notice of the white dress in the corner with a cloth haphazardly thrown on it, covering the top half. Regina locked the door and walked straight to her bed, sitting down on it with a sigh. Cassie followed suit although warily. Then her mouth blurted out her thoughts that’s been bugging her since the start of the day before her mind could even stop it.
“Buti pinayagan ka maging malaya the day before your wedding.”
“I made a deal.” Regina shrugged, “Pinayagan ko sila planuhin ‘yung buong kasal however they like. In return, all I asked was just one whole day for myself bago ‘yung kasal.”
Cassie nodded, finding it amusing that Regina still got what she wanted even though she’d rather not go through with the wedding. She'd always been headstrong and persistent on her opinions. It's one of the things that made Cassie fall for her even harder, and eventually one of the things that managed to make a crack in their relationship. “Does he… treat you well?”
Regina pauses for a second, thinking it through, before ultimately nodding. “He does. It’s a little different, pero mabait siya.”
Cassie nods once more, it’s all she needed to hear. “I’m sorry...” Cassie clears her throat. “If I wouldn’t be there. Para ko lang din lolokohin ang sarili ko to pretend to be happy for you even though I’m not. We both aren’t…”
Regina turns to face Cassie, her brows furrowed slightly. Then her mind returns to the unanswered RSVP she found in Cassie’s glovebox when the latter was out for a bathroom break.
“Yna… Wala na ba talaga tayong pag-asa?” Cassie connects her gaze with Regina, a semblance of hope still present in her eyes. “We’ve matured, baka naman we can start where we left off. Halata namang mahal pa natin ang isa’t isa.”
Tears were already brimming in Regina’s eyes, unwanted memories flooding her mind. She shakes her head furiously, “You don’t get to say that. Ikaw ‘yung unang umalis ‘di ba? So you don’t get to say that.”
Cassie was the one who told them that they needed the space apart. But she was also the one who left first after taking an offer abroad. Regina had to find out through a news article sent by Detdet.
“I had to leave para sa’ting dalawa!” Cassie argued.
“At sa’n tayo umabot dahil jan?” Regina, voice stern, had stood up. A few stray tears had left her eyes. “You were so quick to leave! Gano’n ka ba kasabik na iwan ako? We were happy back then, Soy. I was happy.” Reg finished in a soft tone, her voice breaking.
Cassie had always hated seeing the latter so… broken. Her heart aches for the other whenever they would lose a high-stake game, whenever the pressure would get to Regina, and whenever farewells would come. But Cassie had a point in leaving back then, and she still does now. “You were happy kasi nabubulag ka na ng pagmamahal mo sa’kin.”
At the height of their relationship, a few years after they graduated, Cassie had noticed Regina pouring herself more and more into their relationship. And whenever they were on the verge of an argument, it would seem like something would switch on in Regina’s mind before she would apologize first, preventing a fight from happening further.
“You were irrational, Reg. Sure, sinuwerte tayo dahil napunta tayo sa iisang team at one point when we went pro, pero what do you mean tinanggihan mo mga offers overseas para lang mag-stay dito?”
“I didn’t want to leave you!”
“You wouldn’t be leaving me kasi andito pa rin ako, susuportahan ka kahit anong team or bansa ka man mapunta!” To Cassie, it feels like they were back in their living room, arguing when they got home from a reunion. It felt like preventing the inevitable back then. It still feels like it now. “You should know that, Reg. It honestly offends me that you think distance would officially break us apart.” Cassie feels a hot tear run down her cheek as she stands up, coming eye-to-eye with Regina.
The other woman stays silent for a while before getting enough courage to mutter out an apology. “I’m sorry. Our lives caught up to us, you were so focused on your career back then and I was so focused on… you.” Regina takes a deep breath. “Natakot ako, I let the fear and insecurities get to me—I know I shouldn’t have, I’m better than that. But I did. Naisip ko na nagiging pabigat lang ako sa career mo.” Regina wipes the tears on her face and swallows the lump in her throat, urging herself to continue. “It was obvious na you were made for so much more. The breaking point was nung tinanggihan mo ‘yung invitation sa national team. Then you surprised me on our anniversary a few days after. I felt like I was holding you back.”
“Reg, tinanggihan ko ‘yung national team dahil alam kong may mga mas batang mas deserving ng spot. I gave it up for them to shine.”
“I know. I realized that. Ang selfless mo sa part na ‘yon so sinubukan ko rin by declining those offers abroad.”
“That’s different, Reg. Tumanggi ako kasi I wanted those younger setters’ careers to flourish. What you did, sacrificed your own career.”
“I know.”
“It pains me to think na hindi mo naiisip na deserve mo rin ang lahat sa career mo.” Cassie takes a step closer. “Nakakasakit din that you care so much for my career, but think so little of yours. You’re worth more than you think you deserve, Reg.”
Another wave of fresh tears came rolling down Regina’s cheeks. She knows Cassie was right. But she was foolish back then—she wanted to uplift Cassie’s career further when there was no need to so she unintentionally disrupted her own chance of thriving in her own career. Then she tried to justify it by making herself believe that she was the one weighing her partner down and preventing her from growing, when in reality, Cassie was doing well on her own while Regina was the one pulling herself apart all in the name of blinded love. She was trying to fix something that didn’t need fixing while disregarding her own accomplishments. It was the reason for her early retirement in the sport and the cause of her otherwise peaceful, yet regretful, life away from the court.
She realized it too late that everything she did was all for naught and even though she believed that she wouldn’t lose Cassie by declining those chances, she still lost her in the end. And she has no one but herself to blame.
“The worst part was malalaman ko pa na ilang offers na ‘yung tinanggihan mo after madulas si Ate Det nung nag-alumni reunion ang Tigresses.” Regina’s frown deepens at the memory. “You shouldn’t be sacrificing better opportunities for love, Reg. You’d be losing more by doing that.”
Reg nods lightly, “And I did.”
“I’m sorry. Kilala kita, eh. Uubusin mo lang ang sarili mo para sa’kin. And I had to stop that because I care about you and your wellbeing. Even if it meant hurting the both of us.”
Cassie holds Regina’s arms and guides them back to the bed.
“And sorry because I left first. Natakot ako, Reg.” They lock eyes for a moment. “When we were taking a break, my heart still longed for you. So much that I had to refrain myself from reaching out to you.” Cassie lets out a humorless chuckle. “Dumating pa nga sa punto na sina Xyza ang nag-block ng number at profile mo sa phone ko dahil hindi ko magawa. I was scared because your existence alone left a hole in my heart that nothing or no one else could fill. Natakot ako sa buhay na wala ka because you were all I’ve ever known. But I couldn’t go back because…”
Cassie gestures to Regina who only nodded, immediately understanding what the former was implying. Regina knows that she should be affronted at the implication, but it’s her own fault why that was. After all it was her idiotic altruism that got them in this mess in the first place.
“I loved you enough to leave you so you could heal and focus on yourself. I didn’t want you losing yourself because of me, Yna. So I left para wala kang distractions—at para na rin sa sarili ko, I guess, because I had to learn to live a life without you.” Cassie drifts her hand in Regina’s, their hands clasping together in a perfect fit. She trails her thumb on the back of Reg’s hand. “Kaya I took an overseas offer as soon as I was presented with one. I’m so sorry, Yna.”
Reg nods in understanding. “Sorry din.” She gives a gentle squeeze to Cassie’s hand. “But I guess it’s a little too late for that now.”
The silence that followed after was heavy. No one dared to speak as they soak in the confrontation that just ensued. They wouldn’t say it, but they practiced their words—practically perfected it throughout the years—for when the chance ever arises that they get to see each other again. They’re glad that they got them off their shoulders. But the world still spins and they could do nothing to stop tomorrow from arriving.
“Yna, I still love you.”
A fresh set of tears form in Regina’s eyes. “Mahal pa rin kita, Soy.” Her mind focuses on the cool metal on her ring finger, shuddering at the thought of replacing it with another ring tomorrow.
They let their words sink in amidst the quiet of the night in the hotel room.
“Sana gumuho na ang mundo bukas,” Cassie confesses halfheartedly.
Regina lets out a soft chuckle and nods, silently agreeing.
They finish the night off with a movie on the room’s television, hoping it would subside the heavy feeling surrounding them. When the credits were rolling, Regina sat up straight from their bundled up position under the bedsheets and turned to face Cassie.
“You were wrong kanina.”
Cassie hummed in question, also sitting upright.
“Tumanda lang tayo; we’re still not fully matured yet.”
Cassie paused, waiting for Regina to continue.
“‘Di na natin basta-basta maibabalik ang dati. To prevent further damage, kung pwede mamayang pagtulog natin, whoever wakes up first, leaves and never looks back?”
Cassie figures that Regina’s only suggesting it to save herself from the heartbreak of another farewell—from Cassie for the second time around for good. Cassie always wakes up first before Regina. And the latter couldn’t just leave if she ever wakes up first. This was her hotel room and also the venue of her wedding tomorrow. But despite knowing all of the facts, Cassie still agrees. She couldn’t decide yet if this was a blessing in disguise—she knows that she’s already digging her own grave.
They both go to bed with heavy hearts, knowing that one of them will walk away forever from the life they never get to have. Still, they cuddle under the sheets as if it’s not their last night together.
Come morning, it didn’t come as a surprise to Cassie that she woke up first. For a while she just sat there, gazing longingly at Regina only inches away. She raised her hand, grazing gently against the other woman’s cheek. Then her thumb travelled just below her bottom lip. She wanted to kiss it, whisper an apology along the way. Instead, she pressed her lips softly on Regina’s forehead, muttered a low goodbye, before standing up and walking out the door, never looking back as promised.
In the dead of night, Regina awoke to an arm wrapped around her torso. She adjusts her eyes to the dim lighting in her hotel room and instantly smiles at the sight of Cassie’s sleeping form. She’s missed this—waking up beside Cassie and just watching her sleep for a few more minutes, noting every twitch of her brow possibly from a dream.
Then her smile drops and changes into a frown upon remembering the arrangement that she herself made. Regina knows that they made a pact, but would it be wrong of her to wish for a few more hours? She tried to be selfless out of foolishness back then. So she allowed herself to be selfish just this once. Regina presses a soft kiss on Cassie’s forehead before snuggling back into her arms and falling back asleep.
The next time she wakes up, it’s to a cold side next to her. Cassie had been the first to leave. Again.
She looks outside at the drawn back curtains, the sky threatening to make a downpour on supposedly one of the most important days in her life. But she could not care less if the wedding gets cancelled—she’s already lost the light in her life as soon as she woke up to an empty space beside her.
Cassie had left. She had woken and left Regina, staying true to their promise.
Regina had no right—she was the one who proposed the deal, already knowing the outcome—but it didn’t stop her from hurting. She lets the tears flow, already mourning a life without Cassie, permanently.
In her periphery, she notices a piece of paper on top of her phone on her bedside table. She wipes her tears and picks it up, realizing what it was. A note.
“I have known you for most of my life now—the better part of it. Yet it’s not enough. It never will be.”
She folds it back up before pocketing it. Then, as much as it pained her to do so, she takes the ring off her finger, as well as her chain necklace off. She slips the band into the chain before clasping her necklace back on. She gets ready for breakfast with her family before her wedding at sunset. It was the only thing she could do—she’s already lost the one person she's truly ever loved, might as well just drift along to whatever the future has left for her.
She lingers by the door, accepting that she’ll never get back the life she once had ten years ago, before finally leaving, her hand clutching the ring next to her heart.