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"Ah, just the two intrepid infatuates I wanted to see!"
Jayce's shoulders creep up toward his ears and he turns slowly, catching Viktor's equally confused gaze before he turns his own toward the diminutive distraction that has just ambled unannounced into their lab.
"Uhh, morning, Professor," he says, wracking his brain to try and think of any reason why Hextech's most determined opposition would be in their temporary lab first thing on a Tuesday morning.
"Good morning to you, my dear boy!" Heimerdinger says cheerfully. "I must be getting slow in my old age, but I had the epiphany this morning over my tea and I wanted to express my sincerest congratulations!"
"The epiphany?" Jayce repeats.
"Congratulations?" Viktor echoes.
"Yes! Congratulations!" Heimerdinger toddles over to an unused lab stool and drags it laboriously closer to the chalkboard. "The art of exploration is always more rewarding with a companion, isn't it?"
Jayce and Viktor share a look sidelong as the Professor clamors up his new lectern. Though they've only been partners for a few weeks, they are already quite adept at communicating with a look; this one in particular conveys a rather complex sentiment somewhere along the lines of "what in the entire fuck?"
"Now, I took it upon myself to compile some research on your behalf, and I thought it best to deliver it in person—"
Both founders of Hextech leap from their seats as the Professor clears the chalkboard, erasing the rune sequences they had been discussing only moments before he entered. At least one of them whimpers.
Heimerdinger turns back around, beaming at his audience. "Someone needs to advise you young lovebirds on—well—the birds and the bees, before you get carried away!"
Jayce sits back down abruptly as his soul, unwilling to submit to such torment, absconds from his body entirely. Viktor, with a terrible, hollow neutrality, says, "That's not necessary, sir."
"Oh it's no trouble, lad! I would be remiss in my duty as an educator if I failed to pass on my hard-earned wisdom!"
"We know how sex works, Professor," Viktor says, somehow further devoid of life.
Jayce has surpassed "pale" entirely and is now verging firmly on "green."
"Ah, but you don't have three hundred years of scholarship in the bedroom sciences under your belt, now do you my boy?" The Professor winks. "Now, I won't bore you with the fundamentals, but there is a very vital acronym you both should know—"
The yordle turns to the board and inscribes four letters over the remnants of their rune sequences. Viktor opens his mouth as though to interrupt; no sound emerges. Jayce covers his face with both hands. When he peeks through his fingers, Heimerdinger has begun filling out the acronym with its composite parts.
"-dism, which sounds quite intimidating but fear not! It can be quite pleasurable with the right attitude! A personal favorite of mine! Now, the final letter stands for mas..."
The lab door slides open once more, admitting a fourth figure to this mortifying tableau.
"Ah! Councilor Medarda! How lovely of you to join us!"
Mel studies the young innovators in their agony, her bewilderment carefully smoothed into gentle amusement. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Oh! I was just about to—"
"No!" Jayce yelps, stumbling to his feet. "Not interrupting! You're um. Here to escort us to that thing, right? Viktor, you remember the thing?"
Viktor turns a vacant face towards his partner, uncomprehending.
Mel progresses far enough to make out the contents of the board, and an unfathomable series of expressions crosses her face before she turns back to Jayce with new understanding. "I am, Mr. Talis. If you and Viktor would be so kind as to follow me, we are running quite late already."
Professor Heimerdinger, thoroughly geared up for his spiel atop the pilfered stool, wilts. "Oh, crankshafts, I should have ensured you boys had time for our lesson. I haven't even gotten to impart the vital importance of aftercare yet. I suppose I can always return at a more convenient time—"
"Since you're already here, Professor, would it not be simpler to just…leave your notes for our dear scientists to go over at their leisure? You and I both know how adept they are at independent study." Mel winks, and another, more broken piece of Jayce's soul he hadn't known remained disperses into the ether.
"I suppose..." Heimerdinger turns to his pupils. "You will, of course, come to me with any questions you have over my methodology, yes?"
Viktor hums a strained note that could theoretically be interpreted as an affirmative; Jayce chokes out a strangled, "Of course, Professor."
"Excellent," Mel says. "Now, come along, gentlemen, we don't have all day."
Jayce sags with gratitude and all but flings himself through the door behind his beloved savior; there is a moment's delay before Viktor lurches after them, thus leaving the Professor to his seminal work.
*
"I'm afraid you'll have to practice more discretion, gentlemen, if Heimerdinger found you out." Mel says over one gilded shoulder. She sounds like she's trying very hard not to laugh.
"Partners could mean anything!" Jayce bursts out. "Besides, how could he have possibly—"
"Jayce," Viktor says tightly, "shut up."
Mel chuckles and catches Jayce's eye, pointedly tapping the side of her neck just behind her ear.
The placement corresponds, naturally, to the side of Jayce's neck.
And the series of fading bruises pressed into the skin there, each bearing the impression of a crooked canine tooth.