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Now that she thinks about it she’s always had a thing for girls who weren’t quite girls.
The first time she notices it is when watching The Parent Trap for the first time in third grade and seeing the girl in the tie dye shirt picking up a heavy bag and swinging it over her shoulder like it weighs nothing.
Lottie finds the thought of a girl being independent and strong enough to not require assistance appealing and somewhat inspiring.
It also happened to be the first time Lottie saw something that contradicted everything that her mother had taught her her whole life in terms of what it means to be a girl – meaning well-mannered, not making too much noise and most importantly, staying obedient.
The second time she realizes it is when Nat cuts her hair in fourth grade.
Without telling anyone, Nat decides to chop her hair off up to her ears during the summer, and the moment she rolls into the school on her skateboard and backwards hat that morning in August of ‘06 – something in Lottie stirs awake.
See, Nat had always been a source of fascination for Lottie. Because while not technically a boy, she had never been quite a girl either.
Not in the way Lottie was. Or any of the other girls she knew for that matter.
Nat is different because she comes from the other side of town – a place where Lottie has never been because her family doesn't know anyone who lives there.
She’s also quite the polar opposite of Lottie, usually dressed in clothes that Lottie’s parents would not in a million years let her leave the house wearing. Not necessarily dirty clothes. Just… boys' clothes.
Lottie knows for a fact that some people with siblings get their older brother or sister’s hand me downs once they grow out of them – like Laura Lee and her three older sisters.
Lottie on the other hand does not have any siblings so every time she grows out of her clothes, which is quite often at the rate Lottie is growing, her mother always takes her shopping.
And Lottie knows that they always end up in the girls’ section of the store, because Lottie is in fact, a girl.
However, Lottie also knows that Nat does not have any older siblings.
Which pops the question: “If it’s Nat’s clothes, and Nat is a girl – are they still boys’ clothes?”
Either way, Lottie likes that Nat is not like the other girls in their school.
Though Nat struggles with reading out loud in class because her brain sometimes mixes up the letters, Lottie knows Nat is probably smarter than most of them.
A lot braver too.
She always sticks up for what’s right, and when the boys pick on Lottie and the other girls at recess Nat always protects them.
One time when Randy Walsh picked up Shauna’s skirt in front of everyone, Nat punched him so hard he got a nosebleed and had to go to the nurse – which Lottie thinks serves him right, but she would never say that out loud because her mom would say it’s not lady like to go around punching people.
Either way, that first day in school after the summer takes Lottie by surprise.
Not the fact that Nat shows up with hair shorter than all girls in their class – if anything that’s the least surprising bit.
What she’s not prepared for is why her body suddenly feels all warm and tingly, why her palms are sweating and her cheeks feel hot when Nat shoots her a grin as she flicks up her skateboard and heads inside.
She chalks it up to the fact that Nat kinda looks like a boy and Lottie likes boys.
Because Lottie is a girl. And girls like boys.
–
Lottie starts to realize something is wrong with her some time during freshman year of high school.
For starters she notices how other people are starting to behave differently. Both around her and toward her.
Small things at first, like the topic of conversations with her friends have gradually shifted from what Lottie once found fun and interesting like soccer and building forts in the forest, to suddenly revolve around other things like make up and clothes and boys and Lottie doesn’t understand why.
And then Shauna and Jackie who have always been attached at the hip begin fighting every other week and have everyone in their friend group pick sides. If you pick the wrong side you’re a traitor so you better make the right choice – that’s until they make up again and then the cycle begins all over again.
Lottie has never had a best friend like that.
Sure, she has Laura Lee but that’s mainly because they’ve been assigned seats next to each other for all of freshman year, but they don’t really hang out outside of school, which Lottie thinks is a criteria for a best friend judging by the new rules someone had set, unbeknownst to Lottie’s knowledge.
She does have Nat though.
Which is pretty close to a best friend – but they don’t really fight about boys or who is copying whose skirt, so Lottie is not really sure that one counts either.
Other things Lottie notices when she starts high school is how boys start behaving around her, because they go from not acknowledging Lottie’s existence to swarming her like a crowd of bees that she can’t shake off.
One time in the cafeteria one of the seniors on the baseball team approaches their table and asks Lottie out on a date, and she gets so embarrassed by the public display of affection she decides to eat her lunch in the girls’ bathroom for the rest of the week.
Similar to Lottie, until they got to high school, Nat has mostly flown under the radar.
Mainly because she doesn’t make much fuzz. She never picks sides between Jackie and Shauna, which grants her a pass at hanging out with anyone despite their conflict. And she’s got friends outside of their usual friend group too, which comes in handy when she grows tired of listening to Mari’s endless gossip.
So in Lottie’s head, her and Nat aren’t that much different from each other besides the way that they dress.
But as high school progresses they somehow get tossed into different ends of the social hierarchy.
And suddenly, Nat is no longer part of their friend group anymore. Not in the way that she used to be anyway.
Whether it’s the ugly remarks from random sophomores in the hallway or the way one girl asks Jackie behind Nat’s back if Nat really is a girl when they’re changing in the locker room – high school does not treat Nat kindly.
What really breaks her heart though is when Nat starts to grow her hair out and starts wearing clothes that don’t look like they belong on her.
She more or less starts to resemble a girl, and if it wasn’t for the fact that she looked so uncomfortable in a skirt, Lottie would have even found her pretty.
But Lottie can’t really blame Nat for starting to spend more time under the bleachers, smoking pot with some other kids who are also getting picked on, while the rest of the girls are busy discussing who gets to wear what and who got invited to which party.
Lottie would join her under the bleachers if her parents weren’t so strict and could smell if she had been smoking cigarettes from a mile away.
In sophomore year Nat finally decides to join the soccer team at Van’s request, and while it does sting a little considering Lottie had begged Nat to join for a whole year, she’s just glad they get to spend time together again.
Lottie likes Van a lot. She’s kind, funny and a terrific goalie, all of which are traits Lottie appreciates.
She also likes Van because she reminds her of Nat.
In the blur of unwritten rules that has come with high school, Van doesn’t give a fuck. The energy she brings to the team is a breath of fresh air, and most importantly, Lottie notices the effect it has on Nat.
Lottie notices her growing more confident that year, and she thanks Van for convincing Nat to join the team that year.
When Nat comes back after summer break in junior year, with her hair chopped off once again, sporting a new leather jacket and a silver chain around her neck – for the third time in her life, Lottie Matthews realizes something important about herself.
Because suddenly whatever Jackie had been going on about for the past three years starts to make sense.
Everything about boys made sense.
Lottie suddenly understood why the other girls would giggle and twirl their hair like that, and why they would go through the lengths that they did to catch the boy’s attention.
She could not for the life of her understand why anyone in their right mind would do any of the above for any boy in their school.
Until that day when Nat waltzes into class with a rugged wolf cut and a cigarette behind one ear and Lottie thinks her heart is about to fall out of her ass.
Lottie doesn’t remember anything from that class besides the way she spent the whole hour staring at the back of Nat’s head with the mind numbing realization:
She’s got a crush on Nat.
After the truth dawns on her that Lottie is capable of feeling attraction she spends the following months trying to come to terms with how to proceed with the next step.
To the point where she even goes to Jackie fucking Taylor of all people because she’s the one who’s got the most experience in the romantic department out of all of her friends.
“How do you let someone know you’re into them?” Lottie asks her one day when they are the only two left in the locker room after practice.
Lottie sits on a bench, playing with a loose thread of her shorts and avoids the pointed gaze she can feel Jackie shooting her through the mirror where she’s doing her make up.
It’s silent for a moment, until Jackie’s lips smack loudly, now coated with a layer of lip gloss.
“Is this about Justin Scott? Jeff told me he’s been dying to take you out. ”
“What? Ew, no. “ Lottie grimaces.
She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest, shrugging as she approaches Jackie behind the mirror to watch her apply a new set of mascara.
“Just in general. “ Lottie says, trying to act as casual as possible despite Jackie’s curious glance. “Like if you’re friends with someone, how do you let them know you like them more than a friend?”
Jackie hums for a moment, pursing her lips as her big eyes dart around in deep thought.
“I would say start small. Like touching his arm, say he looks handsome, laugh at his jokes even if they aren’t funny. Oh and wear more skirts, boys looove skirts!” Jackie says as if she’s found the secret to Pandora’s box and Lottie nods in acknowledgement, storing it away with an equal amount of importance.
Lottie’s mother is thrilled that afternoon to find that Lottie is the one who initiates a trip to the mall. With the blessing of Malcolm’s credit card they swing by the high end designer stores where Lottie purchases a dozen skirts with different cuts and slips an extra into her purse just for the thrill of it.
As if Jackie Tayor has unlocked the secret to the universe – Lottie’s new wardrobe seems to have an instant effect.
Despite sticking to the school dress code, Lottie’s long limbs still leave a generous amount of skin exposed to the public. So what if she tugs it up a little higher than her finger tips when Nat is nearby?
Just seeing the way his cheeks turn pink as Lottie catches him glancing at the back of her thighs, is a good enough reason to get sent to the principal’s office for violating the dress code.
That’s a new thing too.
Ever since she started seeing Nat through a different lens, referring to her as him in her head just makes more sense. Something like calling Nat she or her has always felt off her mouth.
One time when their friend group is making good use of Jackie’s parents being out of town they decide to get drunk off her dad’s liquor and spend the day lounging by the pool – and Lottie accidentally lets it slip.
“What time did Nat say he was coming?” Lottie asks as she swims up to the side of the pool where Van is sitting with her legs in the water, expertly rolling a joint between her fingers.
Van only hums in acknowledgement, eyebrows furrowed deeply in concentration.
“Around seven, I think. “ Van answers, either not having heard Lottie’s slip up or simply ignoring it as she hands Lottie the joint. “Here – ladies first. ”
–
Nat is a sexual being.
Lottie knows this because she’s seen the numerous hickeys scattered around his neck and chest when she sneaks glances at him in the locker room.
She has heard the rumours of him hooking up with people at parties, though he swears by never kissing and telling. But their circle runs small enough that it doesn’t take long enough for the word to travel.
More often than not, around the later hours of the night she’ll find Nat lingering around the corner of a wall with his hands buried in some girl’s hair or with his hands in Travis’ back pockets.
Lottie wonders what it feels like.
To be so attracted to someone you just can’t keep your hands to yourself despite the burning gaze of the crowd around them. To just have to have someone so badly it might kill you.
She wonders what it feels like to be the one beside Nat, to push him up against the wall and feel his cold fingers seeking warmth below her shirt. If he’d be hesitant to reach out to touch or if he’d pin her and take what’s rightfully his.
Her throat runs dry as the inside of her panties remain anything but.
When he approaches her as the party winds down, Lottie’s downing her fourth drink in a row, all in a poor attempt to cool herself.
She hopes he can’t see the way her cheeks flush under his watchful gaze as he grabs the bottle and puts it away, holding her upright on one arm.
“You want me to take you home, princess?” he asks.
Lottie’s legs feel like spaghetti. Whether it’s from the vodka cranberries or the way he’s looking at her, she can’t tell. It doesn’t matter.
But it has her legs wobbly and body swaying closer to him until she’s nearly pressed up against him.
His hair brushes against her face for a moment from where she’s tilting above him, and the smell of peroxide stings her nose until it evaporates in the scent of his cologne and cigarettes.
Something about him is so undeniably masculine that it has her stomach curling.
“Please. “ Lottie says.
Sitting in Nat’s car always has the same effect on her.
Partly because of the enclosed space that shuts out the rest of the world, and partly because it gives Lottie free access to stare at him as much as she wants.
The way his fingers work around the cassette tapes until he finds the perfect one to accompany the princess’ travels, and the grip he’s got around the steering wheel as he turns around Wiskayok’s neighbourhoods.
His chain dangles around his neck, hidden under the safety of the leather jacket but hanging proudly over the t-shirt below it. Lottie wonders what the metal would taste like under her tongue – if he’d let her tug on it like a leash.
“It’s warm in here. “ Lottie says as she rolls the window down on her side.
There’s an instant cool breeze rushing in through it and the wind has her bangs flowing against her forehead.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to let the fresh air into her lungs.
Suddenly she senses his hand on top of her knee and Lottie’s breath hitches in her throat for a second, heart nearly skipping out of her chest.
“That’s cause you’re wearing jeans in the middle of the summer, Lot. “ he says, tapping her leg twice.
Lottie opens her eyes to see his hand wrapped around her knee.
His skin is pale, save for a few freckles atop his wrist. The veins pop up below the skin, green and blue against milky white. His hands have always been so square compared to hers, all sharp angles and rough callouses at his fingers tips.
As he moves to retreat it, Lottie catches his wrist in an instant and leads it back to her leg, higher this time. She watches his hand open, fingers flexing and closing around her leg.
“But you like them, don’t you?” Lottie asks, running her fingertip over the back of his hand – tracing the veins with the tip of her finger.
It’s quiet for a moment.
She doesn’t dare to look at him. She’s just hoping he catches the bait.
“I do. “ he says solemnly.
Lottie is grateful for the loud guitar riff in the bridge of Zombie because her heart must be beating out of sync at the admission.
“What do you like about them?” Lottie says quietly as her finger tips navigate along the faded bruises on his knuckles.
She glances up at him finally as they come to a traffic light and he slows down.
The red light is harsh against his skin, the freckles on the bridge of his nose nearly vacant. Lottie hopes it’s doing a decent job on her own, the way her cheeks must be red like cherries at this point.
His head turns to her and Lottie watches his dark eyelashes flutter as he looks down to their joined hands. Lottie’s eyes are drawn to his lips as his mouth opens to speak.
“I like this. “ Nat says, moving his hand to Lottie’s other leg until his finger is poking against a rip until the tip slides in to graze her bare skin. “I like when you look a little rough around the edges. “
Whatever it was that Lottie felt before at the party comes swinging back in full force, nearly choking her by the intensity of it.
His hand squeezes her thigh and brings it back to where he held it before, locked around her left thigh.
And then the light turns green and it’s time to go.
By the time he drops her off outside her house Lottie makes sure that he gets a real good look at her ass as she navigates her ridiculously long and wobbly legs out of his car.
“What do you think?” Lottie says as she stands up, making a full spin outside the car.
His eyes linger on her waist, as if locked to the way the denim hugs her curves. With each second that passes Lottie feels a sense of victory.
“You look very pretty. “ he says eventually, his voice low and soft.
“That’s all?” Lottie huffs. Her mind is clouded with alcohol and the need for approval – having her mouth running on its own against her better judgement.
Nat smirks.
“Goodnight, Lot. “
–
Seducing someone is a lot harder than Lottie had thought.
Especially if that person also happens to be your friend who will make out with just about anyone but her.
She’s nearly losing her mind when they return to school for senior year after summer break and it turns out even Mari has gotten the chance to hook up with him before Lottie did.
“Honestly, it was like really good. “ Mari says shamelessly to Lottie and Laura Lee one day as they’re sitting on the bleachers to soak up the sun before their shared class.
She’s talking so openly like it may as well have been about the weather rather than something as intimate as hooking up with their team mate.
“It was mostly about me, if you know what I mean. “ Mari continues, wiggling her eyebrows and grinning suggestively in a way that has Laura Lee covering her ears and Lottie grinding her teeth until her jaw hurts.
No, Lottie does not know what she means.
In fact, she’s not certain she ever will, judging by the pace her and Nat’s friendship has not taken any significant steps apart from the one time he called her pretty.
It’s pathetic, really.
She doesn’t know how many times during senior year she takes him out on meaningless drives through the city, smoking pot while star gazing and plays his favorite albums in hope that he will catch on.
(He doesn’t.)
–
After they graduate from high school, Lottie leaves Wiskayok for New York City and Nat subsequently is looking for a place to stay in the city until he finds his own place.
He easily could have stayed at Kevyn’s place in Brooklyn, or even Jackie and Shauna’s three bedroom – but Lottie’s got a duplex apartment in Manhattan and plenty of guest rooms.
She’d do it for just about anyone honestly.
It’s a little awkward at first – having a live-in guest.
Lottie has never had any siblings to share her space with. She’s barely had any parents around since she started high school so she’s not entirely sure what rules and boundaries apply with having a roommate.
She gives him the big guest room with the en suite bathroom, a few doors down the hall from her own bedroom but far enough that he’ll have some privacy.
She doesn’t want him to feel that he has to hang out with her just because she’s giving him a place to stay.
During the first couple of days he moves around the apartment like a ghost. Quiet, careful and barely makes any noise, only rotating between the kitchen and his room.
A few days into it, Lottie gets tired of him holding his breath around her all the time and catches him in the hallway as he tries to sneak into his room with a slice of bread halfway to his mouth, quiet as a mouse.
“You know you are allowed to move around the house freely, right?” Lottie says.
“Huh?” Nat asks, eyebrows jolting up his forehead as if stunned he had been acknowledged and was in fact not invisible.
“You’re not intruding if that’s what you think. “ Lottie says. “You can make noise and stuff. You’re not confined to your room. “
Nat looks at her for a moment as if contemplating her words. Then he nods.
“Yeah. Okay. “
They watch a movie together that night.
Lottie gives him free reign to look through her DVD selection and he ends up picking out some obscure indie movie Lottie has no idea how it ended up in her home.
If she tosses an extra couple of logs into the fireplace to raise the temperature a few degrees more than necessary she doesn’t tell Nat.
But she notices the way his eyes keep drifting back to her legs, miles of toned skin exposed thanks to the skimpy little shorts she’s opted to wear for the evening.
She pretends to shift, looking for the perfect position, watching his hands twitch each time her calf grazes his forearm.
He barely tears his eyes away from the screen, but Lottie catches the way his skin prickles each time she touches him, posture stoic and stiff as a statue as Lottie slides her calf along his thigh until she inevitably rests her legs in his lap.
”Is this okay?” Lottie asks quietly, cutting through the silence like a blade.
He remains seated where he is, eyes glued to the TV like a single movement might shatter him.
”Mhm. ” he mumbles.
But Lottie catches the way his fist clenches on his side and the undeniable flush growing on his cheeks.
”My quads are so sore from practice yesterday. ” Lottie sighs, shifting once again in a poor attempt to catch his attention.
It’s a lie. They both know it.
Lottie just wants to know if he’s gonna call it out.
(He doesn’t.)
”The massage gun doesn’t quite reach the knots. ” Lottie continues.
His face twitches just barely, but Lottie notices the way his jaw clenches.
”Do you mind giving it a try?” Lottie says quietly in a soft exhale. ”You’ve always had stronger hands than me. ”
There.
His eyelashes flutter and his neck flexes as he gulps visibly. His tongue peaks out between his lips, wetting his bottom lip briefly before he catches it behind his teeth.
”Sure. ” he answers quietly through the faint blush on his skin.
His hands finally reach out to touch her, soft fingers grazing her ankle up her calves.
Lottie hums contently.
”That feels good. ” Lottie murmurs as he slides his hand over her leg to squeeze just above her knee.
His thumb digs into the tense muscle, stretching along the quad until he reaches a spot that causes Lottie to jerk suddenly.
”Sorry. ” Nat apologizes quickly, eyes finally tearing off the screen to meet her face. ”I must’ve struck a nerve or something. ”
”That’s okay. ” Lottie says, shooting him a soft grin.
His eyes flick down to where his hands are working. Lottie watches as a line forms between his brows as he concentrates on the task at hand.
Both his thumbs work along the same path from the center of her left quad out the sides and further up her leg, as far as Lottie’s closed legs allow him to go.
”Here. ” Lottie says, shifting her position until she’s flat on her back and folds her knee up to allow him more space.
By now he’s got full access to the entirety of her leg, his arms trapped between Lottie’s knees.
It’s the furthest she’s ever allowed any other person to touch her — her inner thighs at Nat’s full disposal.
If he dared to reach out and touch that is.
(He doesn’t.)
—
On New Year’s Eve Lottie decides to throw a rager. Partly to celebrate the new year but mostly to find an excuse to get drunk and try a different tactic.
”What are you gonna wear?” Nat asks curiously as he’s pouring different containers of liquid into the punch he’s stirring.
”I don’t know yet. ” Lottie says, propping herself up on the kitchen island to sit beside him. ”What about you? Got any band tees?”
Nat snorts.
”What’s wrong with my band tees?”
Lottie shrugs.
”Nothing. It’s just.. it’s new years. I figured maybe you’d wanna dress up. ”
”Yeah, well. I forgot to pack my tuxedo before I got here. ” he says bitterly as he opens a bottle of vodka and pours it in the giant bowl.
”I’m sure I can find you something. ” Lottie says, voice softening.
”I appreciate it, Lot. But I’m not sure I can pull off a mini skirt like you do. ” Nat chuckles.
Lottie’s cheeks pinken.
”You think I can pull off a mini skirt?” Lottie asks shyly, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear, fluttering her long lashes.
Nat only rolls his eyes and laughs softly in response, refraining from saying anything that would go to her head.
Lottie’s eyes flick down to the spiked pun and dips her finger tip in it. She brings it up to his face, holding it expectantly in front of his mouth.
His eyes widen visibly, flushing under Lottie’s piercing gaze. Nonetheless, he opens his mouth and takes it between his lips.
His mouth is warm around the tip of her finger, softness coating her skin. A pleasant buzz runs through her spine at his obedience.
He releases it with a pop, locking his icy blue eyes to Lottie’s dark gaze.
She turns her hand and brings it to her own mouth, sinking the tip of her finger between her lips, all while keeping their eyes locked.
She watches his eyes drift down to her mouth as she sucks the remaining sweetness off of it as if he has been hypnotized.
The power she’s holding over him has her dizzy with want.
Lottie releases her finger and watches his eyes drift back up to her own.
”Sweet. ” she mumbles.
His eyes fall down to her mouth again and Lottie watches his lips part just slightly.
Her heart drums hard against her rib cage as an invisible string attempts to draw them together.
His eyelashes flutter, eyelids slowly closing as he’s leaning closer. Lottie feels his scent invade her senses and watches as the freckles on the bridge of his nose seem to get closer and closer.
Lottie closes her eyes and can nearly hear the blood rushing to her ears as she waits to reach the finish line of what she’s been chasing for years.
”Anybody home?!”
A loud bang down the hall brings Lottie out of her trance, choking on her own spit as Nat jolts away from her as if he’s been burnt.
Lottie clenches her jaw, grinding her teeth as she hops off the counter and spins around to find the source of interruption.
”Who’s ready to partaaay?” Jackie calls out excitedly, waving to bottles of Smirnoff in front of her as she waltzes into the kitchen with a pouty looking Shauna in tow.
For one sad lonely second in her life, Lottie identifies with Shauna Shipman.
As the evening progresses and the house has grown increasingly more crowded, Lottie’s got three drinks in her system and a solo cup of spiked punch in her hand.
She absently listens to Tai and Jackie discuss their college courses at Howard and NYU, where they’re huddled in a circle on the side of the living room. Shauna’s struggling to stay upright, eyes blinking hard in an effort to look present where she’s leaning on Jackie.
Van seems to be the only one actively paying attention to what they’re saying, though her eyes never leave Taissa’s face even when Jackie speaks.
Their voices fade away as Lottie’s gaze wanders elsewhere, looking for any other source to spark her attention.
Across the room she sees Nat and Kevyn laughing and shoving each other playfully as a short guy beside them attempts to roll a joint. Behind them Travis Martinez stumbles through the room while dragging his fingers through his greasy hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed for days.
Disgusting.
”What is Travis Martinez doing in my apartment?” Lottie says with an undeniable look of distaste on her face, clenching the plastic cup in her fist.
”Probably visiting Kevyn or something. ” Shauna mumbles as she pours the remaining drink down her throat until she grimaces.
”I’m gonna go out for a smoke before the ball drops. Who wants one?” Jackie interrupts them.
Shauna trails after Jackie, leaving Tai and Van alone with Lottie.
Although a cigarette would probably be just what Lottie could use right about now, she’s too preoccupied coming up with an excuse to drag Nat away from Travis clammy hands.
Across the loud room where the music is thumping through the speakers, Lottie can’t make out what they’re saying, but she sees Travis wearing that boyish grin that he always wears around Nat so Lottie’s fairly certain he’s flirting with her.
”Didn’t they break up before graduation?” Lottie murmurs bitterly, folding her arms over her chest. Tai’s eyes eventually dart over to where Lottie is looking.
Van and Tai share a look that Lottie doesn’t see, her own gaze currently locked in at Nat and Travis talking.
”Why do you care?” Tai asks, voice laced with something Lottie can’t identify.
”I don’t. ” Lottie says, finally tearing her eyes away to meet the suspicious look on Taissa’s face. ”I just don’t think they’re good for each other. ”
Van hums and purses her lips at Tai as if they’re sharing something in their weirdly telepathic minds.
”Right. ” Van smirks.
Lottie ignores the cocky look on Van’s face, and just slides past them to waltz through the room, ignoring the sound of some guy she doesn’t know calling out her name as she squeezes past them.
She finally reaches the other end and infiltrates Nat’s group of friends.
”Hello, boys. ” Lottie greets them with her sudden presence, towering over most of them.
The shortest one of them whistles as his eyes drag up her body blatantly, nearly dropping the joint in his hand.
Nat spins around at the sound of Lottie’s voice behind him, opening his mouth to speak but gets interrupted promptly.
”Well hello there, beautiful. ” the short boy wiggles his eyebrows and winks. ”Name’s Rich, but you can call me anything. ”
Lottie blinks.
”Cute, Rich. ” Nat says dryly, shoving him hard until he falls back on the seat behind him.
”Hey, nice place you got over here, Lottie. ” Kevyn says, because he’s the only normal one out of them.
”Thanks. ” Lottie replies. ”Hey, Nat. I need your help with something. ”
Nat blinks, and looks around as if he’s searching for something. ”Oh, okay. ”
”But it’s nearly midnight. ” Travis says suddenly, interrupting the two with a nudge to Nat’s shoulder.
”Yeah. If you’re looking for a kiss, I’m right here, sweetheart. ” Rich’s voice calls out from somewhere below Lottie’s line of vision.
”Hey, watch it!” Nat grits through his teeth, jaw clenching.
Lottie ignores Rich and Travis, only looking at Nat expectantly as if neither had interrupted them.
”Sure, Lot. ” Nat says. He slides past the rest of the boys until he’s beside her.
”But—” Travis calls out.
”You’ll survive. ” Lottie says blankly, giving him the fakest smile she can muster before tearing Nat away.
She keeps her hand locked around Nat’s wrist as she drags him through the house, not releasing it until they reach the stairs and he follows her upstairs.
They pass a couple making out in the hallway, tugging the door knobs trying to get the door open to any of the guest rooms.
”Hey! This floor’s off limits. Go back downstairs. ” Nat says, tapping the random guy’s back until the couple shuffles back down the hall and down the stairs.
”Jesus. ” he mumbles under his breath as he follows Lottie into her bedroom.
As Lottie closes the door behind them, the music from downstairs muffles and the quiet fills the room. She locks the door just in case anybody else tries to slither upstairs for a hookup.
When she turns around she finds Nat sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped in his lap as he looks around the room like he hasn’t been in there a dozen times before.
”What did you need help with?” Nat asks.
”Oh, um. ” Lottie says, racking her mind for a good answer.
Nat looks at her expectantly, lifting his eyebrows curiously. Lottie walks over to her dresser and opens a drawer. She rummages through her collection of underwear until she finds a plastic bag of pot buried in the very back of the drawer.
”I was wondering if you could roll it for me. ” Lottie says, lying through her teeth as she picks the bag up and tosses it to the bed.
Nat picks it up and inspects it curiously.
”Lot, there’s plenty of weed downstairs. Rich was just—”
”This one’s better. ” Lottie says, though she doubts it is considering she’s had it since junior year of high school.
Nat shrugs and opens the ziploc.
”Alright. ” he agrees eventually.
Lottie smiles, clearly pleased.
He pours the containments inside the bag down on the bedspread beside him. Lottie walks over to him and drops down on her knees on the floor next to him, resting her shoulder against the side of the bed.
His brows furrow in concentration as he fishes out the grinder. Lottie watches the skillful movement of his fingers like he’s done this countless times before, which he probably has.
”Are you having fun tonight?" Lottie asks after a moment of silence, resting her head against the bed.
His eyes flicker back to her face briefly before returning to his hands.
”Are you?” He counters.
Lottie shrugs, shifting her position so she’s sitting facing the door instead of him with her legs spread out in front of her.
”I guess. ” Lottie murmurs as she tugs on the edge of her dress. The sequin silver material shines in certain lightning, but in the darkness of the room it has nearly lost all sparkle.
”I like your dress. ” Nat says quietly. His voice is low and raspy — the sound of it prickling Lottie’s skin.
”You do?” Lottie asks, shifting back to her previous position, this time putting her arm up on the bed to rest her head in her hand.
Nat nods. He brings the finished joint up to his mouth and fishes a lighter out from his pocket.
His face consorts as he lights the end of it and inhales through the filter. The smoke releases immediately, surrounding his face.
He looks handsome when he smokes, Lottie thinks.
”Huh?” Nat asks, breaking her train of thought.
Lottie blinks confusedly.
”What?”
”I’ve never had anyone call me that before. ” Nat says and that’s when Lottie realizes she must have thought out loud.
”Oh. ” Lottie says, grabbing the joint between her own fingers. ”Well, you are handsome. ”
Lottie waits for him to freak out, call her weird or something.
But he doesn’t say anything. He just scans her face, probably looking to see if she’s fucking with him, waiting for a reason to go stone cold.
She knows him well enough by now to know what he’s expecting.
”You’re a pretty boy, Nat. ” Lottie says instead as she exhales a cloud of smoke — disarming him completely.
His jaw slacks, mouth forming an ’o’ shape as his pupils go wide. His eyes remain glued to hers as she stands up back on her feet, stopping between his spread knees to peer down at him.
She brings the joint to his mouth and watches as he takes the filter between his mouth and sucks in a breath. His eyes flutter as she removes it from his mouth and he exhales slowly.
“It’s good, huh?” Lottie asks as she makes no effort to step away from where she’s standing trapped between his legs.
She sees his throat bob as he gulps and nods.
A pleased smirk tugs on the side of her lips as she sees his clenched fists on his sides, gripping the bedspread between his fingers.
Lottie takes another drag before deciding that should be enough.
She plants a hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she bends her knee to put the joint out on the back of her shoe and drop the butt to the floor.
She keeps the smoke in her mouth, feeling the high invading her senses as she tugs on the collar of his shirt and leans in to hover just above his face.
His lips part instinctively, opening his mouth to greet the gush of smoke from Lottie’s mouth into his own.
He inhales it slowly, granting the smoke to fill his lungs as Lottie’s lips brush against his.
Lottie feels his warm hand brush against her thigh, pulling her closer until she’s leaning towards him.
Whether it’s their eyes remaining closed or the weed getting to their heads, they somehow lose their balance and Nat ends up tumbling backwards to the mattress.
Lottie watches in amusement as he props himself up on his elbows, making no effort to sit back up.
Downstairs the music seems to have stopped and the chant of a countdown has begun.
If Nat truly wanted to leave before the clock strikes twelve he could, Lottie thinks.
But he remains glued to the spot, blue eyes peering up at her as if daring her to take the next step even though all progress this far have been at Lottie’s command.
She places her palm to the middle of his chest and pushes him down until his arms cave and he’s flat on his back.
She feels the thirst of a predator hunting its prey as she places each one of her knees on the side of his legs and climbs on top of him until she’s straddling him.
His hands instinctively finds her lower thighs, remaining still but his fingertips appear eager to explore the new skin revealed to him as Lottie’s dress bunches up around her thighs.
His eyes drift down to her legs, spread around him and trapping him where he is. His flushed cheeks grow redder as Lottie takes one of his hands into her own and guides it further up until it reaches the hem of her dress.
“You can touch me if you want. “ She says quietly.
Nat exhales slowly as if he’s been holding his breath and finally slides his palms along her thighs, keeping his thumbs grazing the insides. He lets them roam and wander freely, exploring the skin presented to him like a gift.
Lottie tunes out the sound of the chant downstairs growing louder, savoring the feel of him finally putting his hands on her after years of pent up yearning.
He grazes, scratches and squeezes his way up her thighs – fingertips urging to slip under the fabric of her dress.
His eyes flick up for a moment, pupils now dilated from more than just weed, and licks his lips as his gaze darts to Lottie’s mouth.
Lottie smirks and does an experimental thrust of her hips which has him hissing in surprise and digging his nails into her flesh.
“Do you wanna kiss me?” She asks, tilting her head with a teasing glint in her eyes.
Nat just nods faintly, appearing at loss for words.
“Then kiss me. “ Lottie challenges him, rocking against him again. “Take what you want for once. “
As if she had pressed a button to completely rewire him – it only takes a second for Nat to swing up and slide his hand around Lottie’s neck.
He pulls her head down and connects their lips, earning a pleased moan from Lottie’s throat.
His lips are softer than she had imagined.
She had always pictured him being rougher, to somehow mirror his rough exterior. But his mouth is warm, wet and soft against hers.
The blood rushes to her ears, locking out the noise of the people downstairs and the fireworks outside.
The only thing she can hear is the drum of her heartbeat and the only thing she can feel is his warm body pressed up against hers.
She doesn’t mean to, but her body seems to have a mind of its own as she rolls her hips over him again. Their mouths disconnect for a moment as a low moan slips from Nat’s mouth, and it rattles something within Lottie’s chest.
If that’s what Nat sounds like when he’s turned on, Lottie will keep doing that same move with her hips to hear him again and again and again.
The seam of his jeans press up between her legs, and every time he rolls her hips she can feel it graze her clit through her panties.
His tongue slides inside of her mouth and Lottie can’t help but whimper as he pushes his hips up, reaching and hitting that same spot Lottie is searching for.
As if the shift in her voice becomes fuel to him, Nat slides both of his hands under her dress, tugging it up her sides and her hips until Lottie’s white panties come into view, pressed up against the swell of his jeans.
“Fuck, Lot. “ Nat curses briefly as his eyes appear to soak up the view of them flushed up against each other. Lottie rocks against him again and kisses him again, moaning against his mouth as he squeezes her sides.
His hands remain steady, guiding her movement as he grinds against her. Each time he grazes her clit through her panties a jolt of pleasure courses through her body.
“You feel so good. “ Lottie gasps against his mouth, nearly choking on her own breath as he grinds against her expertly, finding exactly which part drives her crazy.
“Yeah?” Nat breathes against her mouth, catching her bottom lip between his teeth. “You like that?”
Lottie is fairly certain she could come from just his voice like this; ragged and raspy from groaning against her.
“Yeah. “ Lottie admits breathily, keeping one hand in his peroxide blonde hair and the other against the flat of his chest.
She doesn’t know what takes over her in that moment – whether it’s the confidence from hearing him just as desperate as she is or if she’s purely thinking with her pussy as she sits up to look down at him.
“Are you hard for me?” Lottie asks as she rolls her hips and moans breathily as the pleasure jolts through her core.
The words have his head tipping back against the mattress. He squeezes his eyes shut and groans even louder than before, drawing his hips up to rock against her as if he is receiving equally as much stimulation from this as Lottie is.
“Yeah, fuck. I’m hard for you. “ Nat chokes out, digging his nails into her hips, urging her to grind harder against him.
The words ring in Lottie’s ear like a prayer and her head falls back as the climax finally washes over her. She tugs on the fabric of his shirt in search of something to hold onto as the orgasm runs into her like a train.
She barely registers the sound of Nat’s own moan below her until he twitches and digs his fingertips into the flesh of her ass. With one more steady thrust of his hips, his own orgasm seems to slam into him.
His eyes remain open but strained as he locks his gaze into Lottie’s eyes as he comes with his mouth open, shaking and trembling below her.
He’s the prettiest thing she’s ever seen, Lottie thinks.
She hopes to have the look of his face as he comes engraved in her mind for the rest of his life.
As her pulse eventually returns back to normal, Lottie can hear the noise outside of the room. Nat seems to mirror her – blinking as if suddenly brought out of a haze.
Lottie licks her lips and doesn’t miss the way his eyes watch the movement.
She grins and leans back down to give him a soft peck on the cheek.
“Happy New Year, Nat. “ she whispers against his cheek, not missing the way his cheeks flush.
–
Lottie wakes up early the next morning.
She figures she should probably call a cleaning company over to tidy the house up considering it looks like it’s been vandalized by a college fraternity.
Impressively, Nat doesn’t seem to wake up until the cleaning company has left and the clock has struck four in the afternoon.
He comes down the stairs wearing loose grey sweat pants and a black hoodie – his hair still wet from a shower Lottie assumes.
“Hey. “ Nat says softly as he enters the living room, where Lottie is lying on the couch mindlessly zapping through the channels.
“Hi. “ Lottie says, looking at him curiously. “You’ve slept for like fourteen hours. “
Nat grins as he slides his fists into the front pocket of the hoodie.
“Yeah, I was exhausted. “
Lottie hums in acknowledgement.
“There’s leftover pizza in the fridge. “ she says, nodding to the side of the apartment where the kitchen is located. ”I got you a Diet Pepsi. ”
Nat’s eyes shine up and he breaks into a smile so big his dimples become visible.
“Oh, man. You’re the best. “ He says before rushing off to the kitchen.
Lottie just laughs.
Though she was prepared for the morning to be awkward, she hasn’t actually given much thought to what to say to him. She just hopes he doesn’t have any regrets about last night, considering he’s technically living with her and all.
Lottie hears the microwave go off and some shuffling around in the kitchen until it’s silent again. Nat doesn’t come back to the living room until he has finished eating and by then Lottie is nearly chewing her nails in anticipation.
“So.. “ he says finally as he plops down on the other end of the couch, tapping the arm rest stiffly.
“So. “ Lottie mirrors, pulling her legs up and curls to the side to face him. She plants her arm over the head rest and looks at him expectantly.
“Did you have a good time last night?” He asks, flicking his eyes between Lottie and the TV.
It’s an open-ended question.
Lottie’s not sure which route he’s aiming for and judging from his body language that’s turned away from her it could be anything.
“Yeah. I think so. “ Lottie says finally, twirling a strand of hair between her fingers. “Did you?”
He nods slowly, glancing briefly at his hand atop the arm rest before looking back at the TV.
“Yeah. “ he answers finally. “I did. “
“Okay. “ Lottie hums. “What part did you like the best?”
If Nat wants to be vague then so can she, Lottie figures.
Unfortunately for Nat, having his head turned to the side gives Lottie the perfect view to watch his ears turn pink.
As if he can feel her looking, he decides to shift position – pulling his legs up and tilting his body until he’s mirroring Lottie, both sitting facing each other with a fair amount of distance between them.
“Smoking in your bedroom was nice. “ Nat says eventually, coughing as if the admittance was itching his throat.
Lottie nods slowly, pursing her lips.
“That’s it?” She asks, raising a pointing eyebrow.
Lottie almost feels bad for him as he squirms under her scrutiny, face growing flushed by the second.
“What do you want me to say, Lottie?” He squeaks, avoiding her piercing eyes.
“I just want you to tell me the truth. “ Lottie says earnestly, and shrugs her shoulders.
“Fine. “ Nat sighs, exasperatedly. “It was awesome, Lottie. Kissing you was awesome. “
Lottie’s lips quip, pleased at hearing him admit it.
“I’m just not sure why you did it. “ Nat continues, this time softening his voice and letting his eyes drift up to hers.
Lottie raises her eyebrows confusedly, trying to piece together what he’s getting at.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean like, are you a lesbian or something?” Nat asks, face constricting uncomfortably.
The way he phrases it causes Lottie to drift further into confusion.
“Oh, um. “ Lottie winces, unsure how to approach his vastly invasive question. “I don’t think so?“
Nat’s facial expression morphs into something Lottie can’t quite decipher.
“But you kissed me?” Nat says, although it sounds more like a question than a statement.
“Yeah. “ Lottie confirms, nodding slowly.
“So what does that mean?” Nat counters.
Lottie is so stunned by the question she doesn’t know what to say. While the subject may have circulated in her mind for quite some time she hadn’t yet actually figured out how to make sense of it just yet.
“I don’t know. I guess you’re not really.. a girl to me. “ Lottie says finally. “And even if you were, I’d probably.. I mean, I’d probably still be attracted to you. “
“Oh. “ Nat says then, his tough armour suddenly deflating as he slouches down in his seat.
Lottie doesn’t know how to proceed with the conversation, as she can practically see the wheels turning in his head. His eyes dart around the room as if the answer to his questions might be written somewhere on the walls.
“I think.. “ Nat starts. “I mean I know I’m not .”
Lottie tilts her head in confusion – unsure whether he’s referring to his gender or attraction.
“Not what?”
“A girl. “ Nat says, finalizing the words in a heavy sigh like he’s sharing a secret he’s been keeping from her for years.
Lottie can’t help but grin at the obvious admittance of something that had been clear as day to her.
“I figured. “ Lottie says, grinning teasingly at him. She shoves his knee playfully with her foot, tearing him out of his depth of thoughts.
“You kiss just as bad as guys do. “ Lottie says tauntingly even though it’s a lie.
All remaining anguish seems to wash off his face as he grins and reaches for her leg again.
“Yeah? You talking shit?” Nat chuckles, and locks his arms under Lottie’s knees to pull her toward him. Lottie squeaks in surprise as she’s dragged along the couch.
“You little bitch. “ Nat taunts with a teasing grin, poking her sides until she’s succumbing to a fit of laughter. He crawls on top of her, settling his body between her legs until he’s hovering above her.
The laughter dies in her throat as he places his arm on the headrest to hold himself up and peers down at her. His hair falls around his face, framing his features like a halo, and nearly brushes against Lottie’s forehead, save for a few inches.
Her eyes flick down to his mouth before smirking.
“You eat like one too. “ Lottie says as she drags her thumb over the corner of his mouth, brushing a few bread crumbs off his face.
Nat rolls his eyes and Lottie just grins at his reaction, before settling her thumb on his chin and her finger tips along his jaw.
“Kiss me. “ she murmurs.
He finally leans down to kiss her and Lottie catches his bottom lip between her own lips.
She slides her finger tips along his jaw, up his neck until she tangles her fingers in his hair – still damp from the shower.
As his tongue grazes her lip and slides into her mouth, the taste of Diet Pepsi invades her mouth. She uses the hand that isn’t buried in his hair to tug on his waist and pull him closer until he’s pressed up against her.
Their mouths move in sync, tongues grazing each time they tilt their heads.
The temperature increases for every minute they spend flushed up against each other and soon enough Nat’s body feels like he’s burning up above her.
Lottie breaks the kiss, tugging at the fabric of his hoodie.
“You wanna take this off?” she asks.
His eyes flick down to Lottie’s hands, clutching the fabric.
“I’m not wearing.. a bra exactly. “ he says, voice suddenly unsure.
“That’s okay. “ Lottie says softly, although she has no idea what he actually means. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. “
He’s quiet for a moment before he suddenly sits up on his knees and swiftly pulls the hoodie over his face and tosses it to the floor.
Lottie has seen Nat naked plenty of times, considering they have shared a locker room for the majority of their lives – but it’s the first time she’s seeing him in a context outside of a smelly school gym with twenty other people.
An inherently sexual context nonetheless.
She’s never actually seen him wearing tape on his chest before, but considering how flat his chest looks when wearing a t-shirt, Lottie always assumed he used something to flatten it.
Her eyes trail over his toned chest, to admire the width of his shoulders before dropping down to his abdomen. The outline of his abs leads down to the faint trace of a happy trail, continuing the path under his sweatpants.
“Come here. “ Lottie exhales heavily, mind foggy with arousal.
At her request, Nat returns to his previous position and settles between Lottie’s legs.
Lottie slides her hands along his sides, eager to touch him as Nat attaches his mouth to Lottie’s neck this time.
Her arms slide around him, hands dipping between his shoulder blades and caressing his back with her finger tips. Every time his mouth finds a new spot on her neck to drive her crazy, her nails dig into his skin.
The arm that isn’t busy holding himself upright slides up Lottie’s side, dipping under her shirt and sliding upwards.
Lottie’s heart pumps furiously in her chest, feeling her body go putty in his hands. His fingers move expertly, navigating north until he finally cups the swell of her breast.
A whimper escapes her mouth as his mouth latches onto her collarbone and the flick of his fingers around her nipple sends a jolt of electricity through her.
Lottie is positively soaking through the fabric of her panties by the time he finally starts rocking his body against hers.
And that’s when she feels something in his pants she didn’t feel last night.
The realization dawns on her and the arousal returns in full force.
Lottie’s entire body feels like it’s on fire and she buries her face in the side of the couch as he finally pulls the shirt over her breasts and continues kissing a path from her collar bone down her chest.
His mouth is warm and wet, leaving glistening marks after him as his mouth finally joins where his hand is. As he engulfs Lottie’s nipple into his mouth, Lottie releases a low moan and squirms below him.
His tongue slides around the pebbled surface and drags another sharp intake of breath from her.
She doesn’t know what to do with her hands – she just tangles her fingers in his hair in a desperate attempt to keep him locked to her.
She hisses a curse into the room as his fingers play with her other nipple and he steadily grinds himself against her, the bulge in his pants nudging against where she’s the most sensitive.
Not even in her wildest dreams, in the darkness of her own bedroom while her hand explores her own body Lottie couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be under him.
While his mouth and fingers feel perfect on her, there’s far too much fabric between them for her liking.
She hooks her thumbs in her sweatpants, and he helps her drag them down her legs and discard them to the ground at the same time as Lottie takes her shirt off.
She barely reflects on the fact that it’s the first time he sees her like this.
The first time anyone sees her like this.
Because the way he’s looking at her has her feeling drunk with power.
His mouth parts barely as his eyes roam over the entirety of her bare body, save for the few inches hidden by her pink underwear where she’s fairly certain she’s visibly soaked through.
His mouth returns where he left earlier, but this time his hands slide around her backside, gripping a handful of flesh in his palms to tug her closer.
Lottie whimpers as she rocks her waist up to search for more friction. He grants her wish – finally putting his hand between her legs and touching her.
Her head collapses backwards, stifling a loud moan as his fingers rub along her slit over the soaked fabric. He kisses his way down her abdomen as his fingers continue teasing her, working her up until she’s grinding her hips against his hand, panting heavily.
His eyes remain closed, blissfully placing open mouthed kisses down her body until he stops at the edge of her underwear.
“You sure you wanna do this?” He asks quietly, grazing his lips over the tiny decorative pink bow at the front of her panties.
Lottie nods shakily, unable to form any words by the way he’s looking at her.
She raises her hips to help him tear the remaining fabric down her legs before he plants himself between her legs, and anchors her leg over his shoulder.
The first swipe of his tongue has her eyes rolling into the back of her head.
His warm mouth is wet and soft against her aching core. As his tongue darts out to swipe over her sensitive clit, a breathy gasp escapes from her mouth.
She wants to throw her head back and close her eyes to let the sensation of his mouth be the only thing she can feel.
But she can’t tear her eyes off of him.
He looks so pretty between his legs – his eyelashes fluttering peacefully as his mouth and cheeks are stained with her arousal.
She wants to coat him with her wetness, lick it off his skin until he’s dry and undeniably tainted by her.
As he dips his finger through her entrance, she’s unable to keep her head up any longer and falls back as he sinks inside of her.
She feels her own pulse between her legs, concentrated to where he’s touching her from the inside and out.
Her fingers tangle in his hair, locking his head to its place and grinds down on him, chasing for the high.
He carries her over the finish line, his finger tips finding a spot within her that has her tipping over the edge and collapsing.
She squeezes her eyes shut until she sees stars behind her eye lids.
The clench in her abdomen releases – like suddenly getting rid of a migraine that’s been haunting you for hours.
He licks her up until she’s dry and twitching under him.
Lottie pushes his head away, overly sensitive from stimulation.
He rests his head on the inside of her thigh, catching his breath as if he’s ran a marathon.
Lottie reaches for his arm, urging him to come up to her face. He obeys instantly, crawling back up to her face and looks down at her from where he’s hovering above her.
His lips and chin are coated with her slick, and it sends a jolt of arousal through her core.
“You’re handsome when I’m all over your mouth. “ she tells him softly before bringing their mouths together again.
She can taste the musky sweetness on his lips, foreign but not unpleasant.
He licks into her mouth as she drags her hand down his abdomen, feeling a layer of sweat coating his skin. She wonders what it would taste like on her tongue.
She continues her journey, lowering her finger tips to the edge of his sweatpants, waiting for him to voice any objections.
He doesn’t.
Instead he props himself down beside her and deepens their kiss further.
Lottie detangles from her position and shifts around until she’s on top of him, straddling him like she did last night.
But this time she makes good use of his lack of clothing and lets her hands roam around his torso and shoulders, squeezing where the muscles are hard under her finger tips.
She kisses down his neck and listens to the sound of his uneven breath in her ear as she mouths at his skin, nipping and dragging her tongue over his collar bones until he’s trembling below her.
Once she’s sucked a hickey onto his skin and is satisfied with her work she continues lower, kissing the middle of his chest where there’s no tape and runs her tongue over his tense abs, flexing instinctively under her touch.
He helps her tug his sweatpants down his legs, exposing his pale and freckled thighs. Lottie’s mouth instantly attacks them, dying to suck the tender flesh into her mouth.
She listens to his heavy breathing and tries to tune into his body language as her fingers slowly make their way up to his boxers, where an undeniable bulge is peaking up under the fabric.
He doesn’t seem to falter as her hand slides over him, cupping him over the fabric.
“This okay?” Lottie asks softly, searching his eyes for any hesitance.
“Yeah. “ Nat chokes out. “Please. “
If Lottie thought he was pretty before, it’s nothing compared to how he looks now – chest and neck flushed up to his cheeks. His lips are swollen and wet and there’s an undeniable eagerness in his eyes locked in on where Lottie’s hand is.
Lottie hums pleasantly against his inner thigh, planting a wet kiss on his skin as she cups him fully. She strokes the length up and down experimentally over the fabric.
His eyes remain glued to her hand, clenching his jaw as she drags the shaft over him slowly.
He releases a shaky breath and grinds his hips into her hand. His fingers nudge the front of the loose boxers and he flicks one button open, darting his eyes back to Lottie.
”Is this okay?” Nat asks cautiously, as if Lottie is not positively dripping down her thighs at the position she’s currently in.
”Yeah. ” She says firmly, eager to dissipate any of his doubts or insecurities.
Lottie’s not sure what she’s expecting, maybe a funky color like a neon green or bright red but honestly — she’s relieved when he takes it out and it’s just a neutral color, similar to his normal skin tone.
She replaces his hand with her own, closing her palm around the shaft and works it along the length.
She leans in and swipes her tongue along the length before engulfing the tip into her mouth.
”Lottie. ” Nat chokes her name out in a strangled breath, gripping the back of her head for leverage.
His eyes on her has Lottie’s skin tingling and she opts for more, parting her lips further to take more of him in her mouth.
She drags the shaft against him, pressing the bottom of it to his core.
His hand fists her hair in response, urging her to do it again. So she does.
She does it all — jerks him, licks him and sucks him until he’s a trembling mess beneath her.
”I’m gonna.. Fuck, holy shit. ” Nat groans, voice hoarse and throaty. ”I’m gonna come. ”
Lottie releases him from her mouth for a second, peering up at him behind her sultry lashes.
”Yeah? You wanna come in my mouth?” She asks. Her voice comes out raspy, as if something has put a strain on her throat. She likes the sound of it.
Nat only moans in response, his hips twitching under Lottie arms as he nods frantically.
Lottie smirks, finding his lack of words endearingly desperate.
She takes him in her mouth again and hums pleasantly as his hips twitch again causing the tip to hit the back of her throat.
His hand goes slack around her head and she moans pleasantly as he comes for her, gasping her name until he’s a shivering mess.
She tilts her head and places a trail of soft kisses from his knuckles down to his wrist as he catches his breath.
”Holy shit. ” he says, letting out a soft laugh that has Lottie blushing.
He props himself up on his elbows and looks at her.
”Come here. ” Nat says softly and Lottie follow his request, navigating between their limbs until she’s lying next to him.
He holds his arms out and Lottie nuzzles in under it and rests her head on his shoulder. She closes her eyes as he brushes a strand of hair away from her face and plants a delicate kiss to her forehead.
She can hear his heartbeat drumming loudly from where her ear is pressed up against his chest. She places the palm of her hand over his chest, sensing his steady heartbeat under her.
He shifts onto his side until their bodies are facing each other and kisses her lips softly. Lottie smiles against his mouth, enjoying the sensation of his hand sliding across her curves.
His hardness juts against Lottie’s center and it doesn’t take long until she starts to grind against it. She guides herself over the length, her own wetness making it easy to glide him along her slit.
Nat slides his tongue along her bottom lip, prompting her to open her mouth as he settles his body on top of her.
Lottie waits patiently as he brings his hand between them and lines himself up to her entrance.
”Let me know if you wanna stop, okay?” He says, flicking his eyes up to hers.
Lottie exhales shakily as her heart beats frantically in her rib cage, but gives him a nod of confirmation nonetheless.
She peers down to watch him use his thumb to guide himself inside.
The first stretch of the head is noticeably wider than his fingers and she struggles to breathe momentarily at the intrusion.
For a second she feels as though she’s about to panic, her body turning stiff.
Worry flashes through his eyes and he stops altogether, remaining still.
”Are you okay?”
The worry in his eyes laced with the amount of trust she feels for him in that moment soothes her.
It’s just Nat, she reminds herself. She trusts him.
”Yeah, just.. ” Lottie gasps, squeezing his bicep on the side of her head. ”Just give me a second. ”
He nods, keeping his lower body locked still as he kisses her cheek softly. His eyelashes tickle her nose for a second.
She kisses him briefly before pulling away again and nods faintly.
”You can continue. ” Lottie says, squeezing his arm for confirmation.
He keeps his eyes glued to her face as he sinks in, searching for any trace of hesitation. Every inch after that is not as bad as she expected, and finally he bottoms out inside her.
Lottie’s mouth falls open, jaw slacking at the sudden fullness. His eyes drift down to her lips, swallowing her gasp in his throat.
Her eyes squeeze shut and her heart soars in chest.
She’s never felt this full in her life, and despite the initial discomfort, she eventually starts to enjoy it. She squeezes him again, signaling him to continue.
He withdraws his hips slowly, waiting for her reaction before he thrusts back in. Lottie’s eyes flutter shut and she hisses as he repeats the motion.
Every time he rolls his hips back her insides aches for him to return, and every time he slams back in sends a jolt of pleasure through her.
He fills her deliciously. She clamps her walls around him tightly to keep him as close as physically possible.
When she opens her eyes, he’s peering back at her, skin flushed and hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. There’s a faint line drawn between his brows in concentration.
Lottie slides her arms around his neck, pulling him closer until their fronts are pressed against each other. He slides his arm under her backside, anchoring her legs around his waist and thrusts further inside until Lottie’s moaning and gasping uncontrollably.
She locks her arms around his neck, squeezing her eyes shut as he nuzzles his face into the side of her neck. His tongue laps at her throat and Lottie whimpers in response, squeezing her legs tighter around his waist.
He fills her so good — reaching spots within her she’s never felt before. Every time he slams his hips inside, his pelvis slides against her clit prolonging the sensation further.
She realizes she won’t be able to hold on for much longer, feeling her orgasm growing closer and closer every time he thrusts inside her.
Judging by the way Nat’s own movements are turning sloppier and messier she thinks he must be fairly close too.
She searches for his mouth and licks a broad filthy swipe inside his mouth that has him moaning against her lips.
”You can come inside. ” Lottie gasps into his mouth shakily. He nods frantically and picks up his pace and slides his hand between them until his fingers find her clit.
It barely takes him a few more strokes until Lottie falls over the edge.
The orgasm hits her like a tsunami, washing over her like a weighted blanket as he collapses on top of her. His hips twitch against hers, prolonging her own climax at the sensation of him finishing inside her.
She remains still, savoring the weight of his body on top of her as the high fades. His skin is sweaty, sticking to her own and she darts her tongue out to taste the saltiness and accidentally catches the metal of his silver chain in her mouth.
She nips at it between her lips, tugging at it like a collar until Nat picks his head back up. He kisses her — his mouth softer this time which has Lottie feeling putty in his hands.
He pulls out slowly, the sudden lack of him feeling like a loss.
”I’ll be right back. ” Nat says softly and kisses her shoulder before he detangles himself and ushers off to the bathroom Lottie assumes.
His sudden absence feels like a hole in her chest.
And even though the rational part of her knows he’ll be back soon, part of her feels discarded.
When he comes back, Lottie has curled into a ball and pouts like a kicked puppy even though she doesn’t mean to.
”Hey. ” Nat says softly as he joins her again. This time he climbs to where her back is turned, and wraps his arm around her until they’re locked in a spooning position.
Lottie smiles contently at his presence and intertwines their fingers together on top of her abdomen.
”You okay?” He murmurs in her ear, nuzzling his face into the space between her neck and shoulder.
Lottie nods, and places a soft kiss to his knuckles and closes her eyes.
”Yeah. Are you?” She mumbles, lips grazing his skin softly.
She feels him nod in the crook of her neck.
As they drift off to sleep Lottie wonders if he’s gonna sneak away by the time she wakes up.
He doesn’t.