Chapter Text
“The only reason you failed, boy, is because you faltered,” Fukichi’s calm voice carried down to Atsushi’s ears as he lay collapsed on the deck of the ship. Atsushi could barely breathe past the sharp pain in his lungs from where Amenogozen had pierced through him. Despite the shock of his injury from the attack, rendering him practically immobile, he managed to tilt his head enough to locate Akutagawa’s prone form. His heart stuttered violently in his chest. The tiger’s senses activated at his silent plea- Please still be alive. Please don’t leave me here without you. Akutagawa’s breathing and heartbeat were sluggish, and the sharp scent of the blood trickling between his lips was undeniable. Relief didn’t have enough time to appear, as guilt immediately swallowed Atsushi whole once the extent of Akutagawa’s injuries became clear to him. Why hadn’t he trusted Akutagawa enough to land the finishing blow immediately? Why hadn’t he released him from his vow not to kill and allowed him to neutralize the guard for good? Why hadn’t he spent more time training to make sure he could keep up with him? How many of his failures stacked up to bring both of them here to this exact moment, and how many more could he make before everything was lost? Atsushi’s thoughts continued to spiral as shame rose in him with the strength of a tidal wave.
Fukuchi stepped away from Atsushi, and his measured steps took him closer to Akutagawa with the sword still extended. Amenogozen’s purple glow was dimmed slightly by the blood coating its blade, but the power radiating from it was as inextinguishable as it was unbeatable. The perfect weapon wielded by an ability user more powerful than Atushi thought possible.
Akutagawa began to stir slightly when Fukuchi dropped to a crouch beside him. Atsushi saw a sardonic smile twist across his features as he spoke, “You managed to survive a direct hit from the time sword? You’re stronger than you look. I can use that.”
Atsushi stared in horror as Fukuchi grabbed a fistful of Akutagawa’s hair and lifted his head from the ground with brutal efficiency. The white tips were stained pink from the blood that had been trickling from his mouth. He was slowly regaining consciousness, his eyelashes fluttering over the gray haze of his unfocused gaze. Rashomon tendrils began to rise from his coat in erratic movements, the ability recognizing the danger her master was in despite his physical state, but they were unable to make contact with Fukuchi before he struck them down with deadly precision.
“Akutagawa,” Atsushi called out in desperation as he finally staggered to his feet, fear for his partner finally propelling his limbs forward. Akutagawa, at hearing Atsushi’s voice, jolted into full awareness. Anger twisted his features as he attempted to jerk forward, only to be yanked back by Fukuchi’s grip.
“The Tiger boy’s life has become so important that you are willing to die for him now,” Fukuchi commented casually as he pulled Akutagawa’s head back to look him in the eye. His throat was on full display, and terror began to wash through Atsushi at the sight. Not again. Not again. Not again, his mind began to chant uselessly. He knew what was going to happen, and he was powerless to stop it, but he couldn’t look away despite that.
“Go to hell, you freak,” Akutagawa hissed venomously. Fukuchi raised his eyebrows at the words, but didn’t reply. The angle of his wrist changed suddenly, and before Atsushi could even manage a scream, the wet sound of the blade slicing through skin and muscle reached his ears. Akutagawa’s blood shot out of his body in an arc that left Atsushi drenched in the fluid. Atsushi raised his shaking hands and stared at the crimson coating his black gloves and fingers as his vision began to go in and out. A broken, choked noise of despair rattled through his system.
Fukuchi dropped Akutagawa’s lifeless body unceremoniously. He hit the deck with a dull thud, his neck bent at a sickening angle and gushing blood. The Rashomon tendrils that had been there just moments ago had dispersed the moment her master died, but Atsushi still tried to call the ability to himself. He knew his death was inevitable, but he wanted to die cloaked in the power that belonged to both of them. At least that way, he wouldn’t truly be alone again. The hum that belonged to Rashomon in the back of his mind was silent. As desperation caused him to reach further for the singularity than ever before, he couldn’t escape from the gaping hole inside of him left by Akutagawa and the absence of his ability.
“Now this is unfortunate for you, isn’t it?” a new voice said behind him. The lilting, melodic tone sent dread running down Atsushi’s spine. He turned to gaze to see the demon made flesh, Fyodor. He was as lovely as Atsushi remembered. His beautiful smile matched perfectly with the brilliant sunset reflected in the ocean behind him. His black, glossy hair framed his face flawlessly as he tilted his head to give himself a better view of Akutagawa behind Atsushi. The only thing giving away his humanity was the darkened circles beneath his eyes. Atsushi scrambled backwards in fright, and half slipped in the blood soaking through the floorboards beneath him. He was effectively pinned between the two men who haunted his every nightmare.
“I wonder what you would be willing to do to bring this man’s life back,” Fyodor mused. Atsushi’s gaze landed on the folded piece of paper held between two elegant fingers. Atsushi didn’t need to be told where he got that paper, and he immediately tried to move towards Fyodor. Before he could take more than two steps, a firm grasp clamped down on his shoulder. He whipped his head to see Fukuchi standing beside him. His expression was devoid of any emotion, but his arm holding the sword was unwavering. If Atsushi took another step, he would be cut down. Atsushi wished Fukuchi would just kill him already. At least that way, he wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of Akutagawa’s death on his hands, or the yawning abyss his life would become without him there.
Fyodor grinned, and behind him, a flickering, distorted being began to hover. Atsushi dropped to his knees, all self-preservation disappearing. Fukuchi allowed him to fall, but kept Amenogozen raised with deadly precision.
Fyodor stepped closer to Atsushi and tilted his head up with a gentle touch, “Answer me, and I may bring him back for you.” Atsushi shut his eyes as tears welled up again. He already knew how this would end, but he couldn't resist the compulsion Fyodor had over him.
“Anything. I would do anything to bring him back,” He whispered, and he meant it. There was no price steep enough to return Akutagawa to life. Not now, after everything that they had been through. Fyodor began laughing as Atsushi felt Amenogozon strike from behind, past his ribcage, and slide straight through his heart.
“Wrong answer, tiger boy,” Fukuchi admonished harshly. The last thing Atsushi saw as he was flung to the side was Akutagawa’s lifeless eyes staring back at him.
———
Atsushi jerked away suddenly. His body was drenched in a cold sweat, and the pounding of his heartbeat filled the silence between his gasping breaths. His head hit the rough bottom of the shelf of his closet as he bolted upright, but he didn’t react to the pain. He flung the sliding door open and shot out of the cramped space. Kyouka immediately jumped to her feet at the sound. Demon Snow was hovering over her protectively, and Atsushi could feel her cold gaze following him as he ran from the room. He barely made it to the sink before his stomach was forcibly emptied of the meager contents of his dinner. Atsushi rarely ate before bed now. The risk of him not being able to keep anything down once his night terrors hit was too high, but he had managed to choke down some soup tonight. He let out a pained groan and turned on the faucet once his heaving finally subsided. He watched the bile circle around the drain before it slipped into the pipes below, and mentally calculated how much money had been wasted on feeding himself.
Kyouka’s soft footsteps on the tatami flooring shook Atsushi from his stupor. “What was it this time?” She asked quietly, placing a small hand against his back and rubbing it in soothing circles.
Atsushi shuddered at her touch, but didn’t pull away. “The boat. I’m fine, go back to sleep,” he croaked. He hated that he kept waking her up nightly. You would think after months, he would at least be able to sleep through his nightmares, but of course, it couldn’t be that simple for him. She never complained, however, no matter how little sleep either of them got. She sat with him until the worst of his terror passed, and Atsushi could drift off into an uneasy sleep again.
“Do you need to talk about it?” she probed again.
Atsushi shook his head and turned so his back was facing the sink, and he could look down at her. Her black hair was braided back from her face, but Atushi bent down to ruffle it anyway. “Thank you for asking, but I’m fine. Please go back to sleep.”
He could see the suspicion in her eyes, but she nodded her head solemnly. “Text Akutagawa. He should still be awake.” She pressed Atsushi’s phone into his palm before she walked back towards their room.
Atsushi let out a sigh and fisted one of his hands in his hair. The clock on his phone showed it was 2 am. He knew Akutagawa would still be awake. His missions for Mori kept him out quite late most nights. His fingers hovered over the keys, but he couldn’t bring himself to text him. Their relationship may have bloomed into something more personal after the airport, but Atsushi hadn’t reached the point where he felt comfortable enough to text him again, and again, and again, that he couldn’t sleep due to the nightmares of his failure on the boat. Besides, Akutagawa most likely had some of his own, unless the bastard had overcome even the ability to have nightmares. His partner’s unwavering confidence and resilience in even the most dire of circumstances surely left him immune to the same difficulties Atsushi was facing. The idea of Akutagawa frantically stumbling to the bathroom to throw up, or needing someone to calm him down from a nightmare, made Atsushi snort. No, that wouldn’t happen.
The sharp edge of the counter was quickly becoming uncomfortable, so Atsushi slid down until he was resting on the floor. He wasn’t able to walk to the bedroom yet. The lingering terror from his nightmare was still raging through him. His breathing had finally eased to an even rhythm, and he had stopped sweating. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped one arm around them. Sighing, he thumbed through his saved voicemails. Akutagawa’s voice came through the small speaker of his phone. The usual smooth cadence of his voice soothed Atsushi’s racing thoughts, “Weretiger, meet me at the docks at 11 pm tonight. Do not be late.”
Atsushi continued to replay the voice mail until his heartbeat returned to normal, and he could convince even the most terrified parts of himself that his partner was really still alive. It took longer than he was willing to admit, even to himself. His legs were cramped from holding their position for so long, and his bottom was both numb and sore. He let out a heaving sigh as he clambered to his feet. He should be able to get at least a few more hours of sleep before he needs to work. He quietly made his way into the bedroom and saw that Kyouka was once again fast asleep, with demon Snow wrapped around her in a ghostly embrace. Atsushi let out a small smile as he crawled back into his closet. Once he settled down into his nest of covers, he pulled out his phone once again. He played the voice mail one more time before sleep swiftly took him under.