Chapter Text
Natsuki was sure he hadn't been lost.
He didn't veer to a different turn, fall into a rabbit hole, or touch some strange flower that sent him into a hallucinogenic stance. All he did was take a walk in the lush garden of Shining Entertainment's living quarters when the sun's warm rays got into his eyes. The ground slightly swayed beneath his feet, and Natsuki closed his eyes from shock and disorientation.
When he reopened them, though, the trees and bushes were gone, replaced with pristine white walls. The ground underneath his feet was no longer rich soil and gravel, but cold and hard tiles. The smell of flowers instantly disappeared, and a strange scent he associated with disinfectants, not unlike the smell of a kitchen after he cleaned it thoroughly, filled his sense of smell. The chirping of the birds stopped, and from the distance, there was a dull humming of machines.
The name of the place was just at the tip of Natsuki's tongue when a voice called him from behind.
"Excuse me."
He turned around, finding himself facing a pudgy old woman. Her white hair was tied into a tight bun and primly tucked under a hat that looked like it had gone through the washer a few thousand times. Her uniform was pristine, the blouse neatly buttoned, and Natsuki's gaze was drawn to the letters embroidered on the breast pocket.
Natsuki swallowed dryly as he scanned the words Aichi Children's Health and Medical Center.
The name of the nurse stumbled out of his lips. "Tanaka-san…"
Tanaka tilted her head. "Hm? How do you… oh!" She glanced downwards, fixing her name tag with a laugh. "Yes, hello. It seems you're a bit lost, young man. Are you visiting someone?"
"Ah…" Natsuki frowned in confusion. "I think I am lost, yes." He looked around, observing the hallway, the doors, the chairs... "This is…"
Tanaka confirmed his guess. "The cardiology ward. Did you wander here by accident? Or are you looking for a patient here? The kids should all be in their room."
"Cardiology ward…" Natsuki murmured, but then it hit him. His frown deepened. "Tanaka-san… Haven't we met before?"
"Hm? No, I don't think so, young man. And you are?"
"…Shinomiya Natsuki. I visited a few months ago."
Tanaka eyed Natsuki up and down. She tilted her head, nothing but unfamiliarity and confusion in her eyes. "I don't think so. I would've remembered someone as tall as you, ha!"
Natsuki politely laughed at that, but he was still uneasy. "A film crew came over for a half-day shoot. I… I was there—that's right, and I came with Syo-chan—"
Finally, Natsuki got a different reaction out of her. "Syo!" she said, exasperated. "You know him?"
"Uhm, yes. Syo-chan introduced me to you, I believe." How did she forget so easily? Natsuki held the utmost admiration and respect for the elderly who chose to continue working because it was their passion, but if her memory was this impaired, perhaps she should take a break…
Tanaka, however, didn't seem to hear him, for she had turned into a different beast entirely. She placed both arms on her waist and began huffing and puffing. Natsuki could imagine fumes coming out of her ears. "If you're looking for Syo, well, I don't think I can help you, young man. I'm also looking for that little rascal."
"Uhm… did he do something?" Syo had begun visiting the hospital during his days off, but surely he hadn't done anything that deserved this kind of reaction from the head nurse? But then again, Syo liked to say that Tanaka's temper was so short, it could break world records…
Speaking of which, Tanaka threw her short arms up in annoyed exasperation. "More like, what hasn't he done? He's run off again!"
"…Again?" The vision of Syo still running away from the head nurse, even as a grown-up, was cute in Natsuki's head, if only it wasn't concerning.
"This always happens." Tanaka began rubbing her temple, creating more wrinkles on her forehead. "Every time Syo's due for an injection, he runs away. We try to change the schedule so he doesn't expect it, but that kid's too quick on the uptake."
Natsuki's brows furrowed. Something cold filled his chest. "…I'm sorry, an injection?"
Tanaka waved her hand. "Oh, just some regular medicine to keep his heart stable." Here, her voice turned solemn. She checked the slim watch on her wrist with a sigh. "It really is about time he gets his dose. I'll go look for Syo. Shinomiya-san, isn't it? You're welcome to sit at one of the chairs as you wait." She gestured at the metal chairs lining the walls. "Or you can wait inside Syo's room, if you prefer?"
"Which one?" Natsuki snatched the chance quickly, heart pounding rapidly now. "Which one is Syo-chan's room?"
Tanaka gave him a funny look. "Is this your first time visiting? I thought the receptionist had told you. It's right down the corner—C15. Now, I'm sorry, Shinomiya-san, but I must excuse myself. I need to look for the kid so you can actually meet him."
And with that, she spun around on her heels. Her hands returned to her waist as she barked threateningly every few steps, "Kurusu Syo! Get your behind over here! Do you want a piece of me, huh?!"
Natsuki was rooted to the floor. For a few minutes, it was all he could do to stare in the direction Tanaka had disappeared. When her voice no longer echoed down the halls, no doubt scaring all the other children in the vicinity, Natsuki regained the feeling in his legs…
…and promptly slumped into the metal chair behind him.
He raised a hand to hold his throbbing head. The smell of antiseptics grew tenfold. Scared and agitated, he forced himself to look at the door down the hall—C15.
Natsuki gulped. He had visited that room with Syo just a few months ago, but they were talking to another patient. Yet Tanaka said Syo occupied the room. Also, she sounded much too familiar with Syo's daily antics. Not in the exasperated yet nostalgic way parents talked about their children's past rowdy behavior, but with the tiredness of a caretaker tasked with wrangling a naughty child every single day.
"How could it be…?"
How could it be, indeed, when just this morning, his darling Syo had been with him? When, before leaving for work, he had peppered Syo's face with good luck kisses? When, just last night, he had held Syo's toned body and placed a hand over Syo's strong heart…
The fog in Natsuki's mind dissipated, and suddenly, he could connect the dots as clearly as he identified constellations in the night sky.
The head nurse who didn't remember Natsuki. The room C15 that housed a patient named Kurusu Syo. This Syo, who kept running away whenever he had to receive an injection…
Some way or other, Natsuki had traveled to the past.
Natsuki had never strolled through the halls of Syo's old hospital alone.
On the few occasions he could accompany Syo, Syo would always give him what he liked to call a "grand tour" of the place. The playroom and the cafeteria were their common haunting grounds, but Syo had also taken him to different wards on different floors, the kitchens (and forbade him from touching anything), as well as a beautiful garden on the rooftop.
Natsuki knew he wasn't the best with directions. He kept getting distracted by the colorful paintings and posters of healthy children, or stopping to wave at both children and adults. But whenever Syo showed him around, he paid attention. He always did.
He paid attention to the turns they made and the stairs they took. He paid attention to the camera blind spots where Syo dared to take his hand or even kiss him. He paid attention to Syo's voice and the inflections in his voice, whenever it rose as he talked about a funny story, softened at a fond memory, or falsely cheerful at an unpleasant thought (and he made sure to call him out on the last one).
So, using Syo as his anchor, Natsuki traversed the labyrinth of Syo's old home.
He stumbled here and there. Sometimes, he had to retrace his steps. Other times, a fork in the road left him stunned. All the while, he made sure no nurse or doctor spotted him—and especially not the head nurse. Natsuki giggled to himself. He could understand why this was fun for the little Syo.
It would be more fun if Syo had been with him, his mind supplied. Natsuki quickly dismissed the thought and continued walking, reorganizing his attention to his steps and the path he had taken, until finally, he spotted an inconspicuous yet familiar door.
There it is. With sure steps, Natsuki approached the door. He pressed his ear against the wood but heard nothing. His hand moved to turn the handle.
It was locked from the inside—it could only be locked from the inside.
Natsuki still couldn't hear anything, but the room being locked meant he was on the right track. So he tried, "Syo-chan?"
No answer.
"Syo-chan, I know you're inside."
Still nothing. Natsuki didn't expect anything less—Syo had always been stubborn.
"Syo-chan, please. I've been looking all over for you. Won't you at least see me?"
Right after he said this, he realized plenty of nurses must have tried to sweet-talk Syo into doing as they said. So Natsuki tried a different tactic.
"Syo-chan visits the janitor's closet often, doesn't he?" he said conversationally. "But the nurses never suspect anything. Although sometimes, you also find the door locked, and you never question who's inside…"
There was shuffling from the inside. Feet lightly thumped against the floor, as if Syo had jumped off something. The bolt softly slid open. A second later, the swinging door pushed Natsuki backwards.
Syo didn't show his face, but his voice was audible from behind the dingy door. "Who are you?"
At the same time, Natsuki breathed out in anticipation, "Can I come in?"
"Tch… argh…!" Syo's voice was high-pitched and undeveloped. Natsuki could imagine him running a frustrated hand through his straight hair. "Fine. Fine! Hurry up, or you're gonna get me busted."
Syo pushed the door slightly, enough for Natsuki to slip in. Natsuki's eyes were still adjusting to the dim lights of the janitor's closet when he heard the sliding of a bolt. He glanced at it, only now noticing rust forming in some spots. It would be dangerous to let it develop, but maybe none of the children wanted to report this for fear of losing their secret hiding spot.
"So," Syo said again, trying to sound bossy and serious, even as Natsuki detected hesitation and fear in his voice. "Nii-chan, who are you? I shouldn't talk to strangers, so give a good answer."
Natsuki bent down and finally got a good look at Syo.
He couldn't be older than five, but then again, Syo had always been on the smaller side. His hairstyle was pretty much the same as his grown self, and he had already sported his iconic pink hairpins. His large eyes were squinting dangerously at Natsuki. His lips formed into a scowl he thought was threatening, but it only highlighted his rosy cheeks and soft chin. His hands were on his waist, and he stood with his feet apart, as if ready to tackle Natsuki at the slightest suspicious movement. Even so, Syo barely reached Natsuki's hips, so he had to crane his neck in a way that must be uncomfortable.
Syo-chan is absolutely, irresistibly, mind-numbingly CUTE!
Natsuki didn't know how he didn't give Syo a super tight squeeze the moment he laid eyes on him. He almost did, already bending down to pick Syo up and spin him around, but then he remembered where he was—or rather, when he was.
At this age, he and Syo hadn't properly met. For all Syo knew, Natsuki was a scary adult who somehow found out about his secret hiding spot. At this age, how many adults did Syo even know?
So, no, Natsuki couldn't give Syo the biggest, warmest embrace he had ever given in his life. He couldn't laugh and rejoice at seeing a child Syo again as he gushed at his cuteness. He couldn't tease Syo by introducing himself as "your future husband." Never mind the fact that they weren't married yet.
So Natsuki could only say, "You can call me Nacchan."
Syo huffed. "I'm not calling you that. Full name!"
Natsuki weighed this request. He wasn't sure what the implications of time travel would be. Giving his name to the head nurse was one thing, but to a little Syo? Would that affect anything in their present lives?
He decided to be on the cautious side. "That… I can't tell you. Sorry, Syo-chan."
Syo inched back. Natsuki had learned to read Syo enough to spot the suspicion in his eyes being replaced with worry. "But!" he hurriedly said. "I can tell you why I'm here."
The suspicion was back in Syo's expression. "To take me to my room."
Well, yes, but that was for later. Even so, Natsuki didn't want to lie. "That can wait."
"Really?"
"Really! Right now, I'm veeery curious about this place. You see, I got lost and heard that someone named Syo-chan can help me find my way back." Natsuki's time with Syo in the hospital, on top of tagging alongside Otoya to visit the orphanage, had trained his improvisation skills like no other. "But then I found Syo-chan here, clearly upset, and I can't have that! I want Syo-chan to be my friend as much as I want his help. So, let me help you, too! Will you allow me that?"
Syo pouted and avoided Natsuki's gaze. Natsuki sighed—so, Syo had always been stubborn in refusing help. He put on his best puppy eyes, the one he knew Syo wouldn't be able to resist—the grown version, anyway. "Please? If Syo-chan refuses, I'll be in trouble. I'm not supposed to be here for long…"
"Then leave!" Syo snapped. He still wasn't looking at Natsuki, but he stole glances here and there. "You came here yourself!"
"But I only found this place by accident, so I don't know how to find my way back… Won't you help me?"
"Tch… You're so big, but so hopeless!"
Natsuki agreed without missing a beat. "Mhm, people always say I'm bad with directions. That's why I need Syo-chan."
Syo squirmed under Natsuki's pleading look. It actually made Natsuki a bit guilty. He knew he was taking advantage of Syo's craving to be depended on, and it didn't sit well with him to emotionally manipulate a child like this, but… Syo was too stubborn for his own good, so sometimes, Natsuki was left with no other choice.
Judging from Syo's conflicted expression, Natsuki only needed to push a bit more. "Hey, hey, Syo-chan. What's your favorite place here? It can't be this janitor's closet. I want to know where Syo-chan likes to go."
Syo glanced at him. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because Syo-chan is my friend!"
"I never agreed… Ugh, okay, okay! Stop that!" Syo clenched his eyes shut when Natsuki began to pout like an abandoned puppy. "Fine! I'll show you around. But be quiet! You're so big, you're gonna get us caught."
Natsuki giggled conspiratorially. "Are we going to sneak out? How fun!"
"Shh!"
"Hehe, okay…"
Syo stood on tiptoes and unbolted the door. He slipped out stealthily, and Natsuki followed suit, albeit he had to push the door open a bit wider so he could fit. "So, where are we going, Syo-chan?" Natsuki whispered, even though he could already guess the answer. Syo—and most other children—only had one place they called their favorite.
"Follow me."
With that, Syo took off, his light steps making little to no noise against the sleek tiles. He took turns and went down multiple staircases efficiently. He peered behind a wall before turning into a corner. Sometimes he gasped and pressed himself against a wall. Other times, he had to drag Natsuki to hide as they waited for someone to walk past. As their journey continued, Syo's expression went from cautious to relaxed to delighted. His grin grew wider every time they successfully evaded capture, and Natsuki had to hold himself back from extending his hands and pinching Syo's cheeks. That beaming smile was way too cute!
It was easy for Natsuki to keep up. Syo had taken him on a secret tour around the hospital a few times before. It was always as stealthy and exhilarating as this, but as Natsuki recalled those memories, he couldn't help but notice a few details he'd taken for granted. Like how Syo held his hand as he guided him everywhere. Or how he liked to leave a light peck on Syo's cheek when he was too focused on checking their surroundings. Most importantly, how their escapades were interspersed with low giggles and cheeky laughter whenever they looked at each other with the shared understanding that what they were doing could get them in trouble.
Natsuki observed the Syo in front of him now, and instead of a smile, his lips curved into a frown.
Syo was so small…
Natsuki had never viewed Syo's size as something to be laughed at. If anything, Syo's strength and courage despite his size were some (among many) of the things he loved about his darling. But now, he finally noticed the little things his cuteness lens had fought so hard to overlook—Syo's complexion was pale, as if he didn't spend enough time under the sun. His bony arms and legs indicated a lack of exercise. The faint marks on his arm showed where needles and tubes must have pierced through his skin, over and over and over…
The pang in Natsuki's chest came so suddenly, he gasped.
Syo didn't seem to notice. They had reached the lower ground floor, and Syo was leading them to the place Natsuki had anticipated.
"Is this…"
"The playroom!" Syo said proudly.
Natsuki stepped into the vast room bathed in warm sunlight. The bright colors and cheerful decorations were as breathtaking as the first time he saw them. Even now, he still spun around slowly, admiring the neat stack of books on the shelves, the tiny goalpost on one end of the room, and the rows of low tables and chairs on the other. "This is lovely! Does Syo-chan play here every day?"
"Yup!"
"What's your favorite activity here?"
Natsuki didn't miss the way Syo briefly looked at the goalpost before he puffed out his chest and put both hands on his waist. "Playing music!"
Natsuki's interested smile was half genuine, half forced. "That's fun! Does Syo-chan play an instrument? Wait, let me guess…" He tilted his head and stared at Syo intently, from the tips of his blond hair to the soles of his hospital slippers. Inwardly, Natsuki sighed. This cute rascal hadn't even bothered to change into proper shoes before he escaped his room.
"Hmph, you're never gonna—"
"Syo-chan definitely plays a string instrument. Could it be the violin?"
"Guh… How did you…?"
Natsuki giggled. While Syo's guard was down, he bent down and took hold of Syo's tiny left hand. "Syo-chan's nails are maintained very well. You also like to wiggle your fingers, but only on your left hand." It was a cute habit Natsuki could never get enough of. "And I think the violin suits Syo-chan. Its voice is clear and bright. Definitely befitting of the center of attention!"
Syo's chest expanded in pride. "Nii-chan, you know a lot. Do you play, too?"
"Yes! I play the viola nowadays, but I can also play the violin."
"We should battle, then! See who can play better."
"Hmm, but I don't bring my instrument here…"
"I do!" Syo made a beeline to one of the shelves and pulled out a small violin case he had previously covered with magazines.
Natsuki's eyes widened. "That's Syo-chan's violin? I thought it should be in your room…"
"Shh. I left it here so I can play again by myself, duh."
Natsuki giggled in a low voice. Always a troublemaker, his darling. But his days wouldn't be lively without him.
Syo adjusted the violin on his shoulder. He relaxed his wrist and placed his bow on the strings. But at the first stroke, the sound that came out made him frown.
It wasn't exactly out of tune, but it was noticeable enough. "When was the last time you tuned your violin, Syo-chan?"
Syo looked down, seemingly embarrassed. "Yesterday's practice."
"Did your violin teacher do it for you?"
Syo nodded.
"Well…" Natsuki smiled. "I'm no teacher, but I can help!"
"Nii-chan can do it?" Syo asked. Even so, he was already offering his violin to Natsuki.
Natsuki accepted it carefully and held it like a treasure. Syo's first violin… No Stradivarius in the world could be more valuable than this, as far as Natsuki was concerned. "Mn! I can tune it, no problem." He began fiddling with the pegs and fine tuners. It had been a long time since he had used a violin of this size, but his fingers found the strings gracefully.
"But there's no piano," said Syo, looking around. "Nii-chan, can you really do it by ear?"
"Yes!" Natsuki had finished tuning. Confidently, he stroked the bow across the A string.
Syo's eyes widened at the accurate note his violin produced. As Natsuki tested the other strings, Syo's jaw dropped. He sent Syo a sweet smile. "There you go! Now Syo-chan can play as he wishes."
"Perfect pitch…" Syo murmured under his breath, not breaking eye contact with Natsuki. "First time I saw it…"
Natsuki giggled. "Syo-chan? Would you like your violin back?"
This pulled Syo back to his senses. He blinked, took his violin with some force, and resumed his pose. "Heh! Prepare to be amazed!"
Syo-chan is so cute, it's unfair!
He began playing a violin solo that Natsuki instantly recognized. Every classically trained violinist had learned this piece early on, but he quickly recognized that Syo was a cut above your average child violinist. His fingering was nimble, his string crossings were confident, and his tempo was spot on. Natsuki knew Syo must have practiced a lot, but he also knew Syo had an innate talent as a performer.
Syo ended his performance with a flair, flicking his bow and striking a pose. Natsuki clapped eagerly. "That was lovely!"
"Right?" Syo raised his chin. "I won my first competition with it."
"You did? That's amazing!"
"Well, I got third place… but I won!"
Natsuki nodded encouragingly. "That is still incredible. And for Syo-chan's first, too."
Syo beamed. "Next week, I'm gonna win first place."
"Next week… That will be your second ever competition, then?"
"Mhm!"
Natsuki paused. Syo's second-ever violin competition… was when he was supposed to meet Natsuki.
To be frank, Natsuki didn't remember much about it. In fact, he hadn't noticed Syo at all. He rehearsed, performed, and immediately reviewed his performance. It left him a bit guilty, especially when the event was clearly important for Syo, considering he would never let Natsuki watch the recording of his performance that day.
"Good luck!" said Natsuki, even though he knew the outcome. "I'm rooting for you. I'm sure Syo-chan would do great."
Syo had completely forgotten his one-sided call for a challenge. "Wanna hear the piece I'm gonna play?"
Natsuki gasped in delight. "That would be an honor!"
Eagerly, Syo pressed his bow against the strings and began playing. Natsuki recognized the piece immediately. A challenging one for sure, one of the more difficult pieces allowed for the competition. Yet Syo played it with confidence and joy so radiant that they covered any mistakes he made. His eyes were hard in concentration, but he gave off assurance and confidence as he bounced on the balls of his feet.
When the reverb of the last note fully dissipated, Natsuki clapped even louder than before. "That was wonderful! Syo-chan is so confident."
"Yeah?" Syo's eyes twinkled. "Nii-chan, you think I can win?"
Natsuki hesitated. Syo told him he hadn't won that competition. He didn't even get an honorable mention. Natsuki couldn't just say this, but he also didn't want to give a white lie. It was dissatisfying to give a diplomatic answer, but Natsuki could only say, "I think everything is possible for Syo-chan."
Syo's grin soothed Natsuki's heart, and he raised his violin to start another piece. But before any note came out, they heard the faint click-clacking of high heels in the distance.
"Hide!" Syo hissed. But the playroom was a rather open space, and even if Syo could hide under the tables or inside the cupboards, there was no place big enough to conceal someone of Natsuki's size.
There was no time, though. Syo pushed his violin and bow into Natsuki's fumbling hands, then circled him. Just as Syo completely disappeared behind Natsuki's back, Natsuki turned to the windows facing the hospital hallways. A woman walked past the playroom without so much as a glance inside. It was a good thing the playroom was well-lit by natural sunlight. If they had to turn on the lights, it might attract attention.
Syo waited until the sound of the woman's heels disappeared down the hallway before he dared to whisper, "Who's that? A doctor? A nurse?"
Natsuki slowly turned his body to look at Syo. His eyes were clenched shut, and his shoulders were hunched. It was cute, if only it weren't a bit saddening to see Syo this scared. "No, she wasn't in uniform. A… visitor, I think."
"Phew!" Syo opened his eyes and wiped an invisible sweat from his forehead. Natsuki fought the urge to leave a kiss there. "That was close. The adults here are so annoying." He paused to flash a grin at Natsuki. "Not you, Nii-chan. You're pretty cool."
It almost won Natsuki over, but he had slowly learned when to put his foot down whenever Syo tried to avoid being vulnerable. "Syo-chan…"
"Huh?"
"You looked very scared earlier. Are you alright?"
"Ugh…! I'm not scared! How dare you say that!"
"It doesn't look like so to me."
Syo crossed his arms stubbornly. "What do you know?"
"I've simply interacted a lot with children," Natsuki said. And with Syo-chan, too, he wanted to say. "So I can recognize these things. You're as tense as you were when I saw you in the janitor's closet. And now…" Natsuki grabbed Syo's right hand, making the boy flinch. "Your fingers are trembling. If you play the violin now, your bow will be shaky. Or could Syo-chan prove me wrong?" He offered the violin and bow in his other hand to Syo.
Syo clicked his tongue and looked away. "Whatever. I don't wanna play anymore." He snatched his instrument from Natsuki and placed it in his case.
"Alright…" Natsuki said simply, though he secretly wished he could hear the little Syo play more for him. It was unfortunate that the mood had to be ruined. "What does Syo-chan want to play next?"
Syo paused. His eyes flitted to the goalpost on the other side of the room before returning to clutching his violin case.
Natsuki, of course, noticed. "Does Syo-chan want to play soccer with me?"
"Mn… but…"
Syo looked at his feet, forcing Natsuki to bend down and tilt his head to look at Syo's face. "Syo-chan's not allowed to play, isn't he?"
"Yeah, but if Nii-chan doesn't tell anyone…"
Natsuki cut him off before the pleading eyes could begin to take effect. "I'm sorry, Syo-chan. But if your doctors and nurses say you shouldn't exert yourself, you should follow their orders."
"But…!" Syo retorted, ignoring Natsuki's frown. "I'm fine! I'm healthy! I've been healthy since forever!"
"That's great to hear," said Natsuki gently. He silently wondered how long forever was for Syo. "But if Syo-chan wants to continue being healthy, he should do as the doctors say. If not…"
"If not, what?"
Natsuki mulled this over. If not, Syo would only get worse. If not, he would be forbidden from doing even more things. If not, he'd have to undergo treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, and end up with so much unresolved trauma and fear that would require ages to heal…
But if Syo obediently followed everything the doctors said, he wouldn't be an idol. He wouldn't make millions of people happy with his songs. He wouldn't fall in love. And Natsuki couldn't imagine a life like that for his darling.
But Natsuki couldn't say all this. "If not… you'll only get into more trouble later on."
Syo stomped on the tiles stubbornly. "But that's so boring! Besides, if not now, then… then…" He pursed his lips and looked away. A faint pink dusted his cheeks.
"Hm?"
"Nothing! Never mind. Come ooon, Nii-chan…" Syo continued sulking. Then suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Nacchan!"
Natsuki inhaled sharply. Syo always refused to call Natsuki by the nickname he fervently wished, no matter how much he begged and pleaded. But whenever Syo did, it was strategic. The moment "Nacchan" left Syo's lips, Natsuki would always do whatever Syo wanted.
Syo-chan, that adorable, clever sneak. He could figure out this unfair trick at such a young age!
It almost worked. It almost worked on Natsuki. He nearly said, "Oh, alright. But just a bit, okay?" He was ready to get up and walk to the basket full of tiny rubber balls so Syo could play soccer like he wished.
But then Natsuki once again observed Syo's thin frame, bruise-laden skin, and now, there was the addition of his droopy eyes. So, as much as Natsuki loved Syo—no, exactly because he did—he couldn't fulfill Syo's wish. "I'm sorry, Syo-chan," said Natsuki, as gently as he could, "but no means no."
The abrupt disappointment that filled Syo's eyes nearly broke Natsuki's heart. "But…"
"It's the doctor's orders, and we'll both be in trouble if we disobey," Natsuki added. He had to keep talking to distract himself from how adorably pitiful and sad Syo looked, lest he be swayed for certain. "Besides, I've noticed Syo-chan looks very tired."
This seemed to rattle Syo more than the rejection itself. "What…! I'm not… tired…" he said, clearly stifling a yawn. Natsuki had noticed Syo's sluggishness, but not to the point of yawning.
"Please don't lie to your body, Syo-chan." Please don't lie to me, Natsuki wished to say, but he didn't have the right to say that to the little Syo in front of him. "You need rest. But before that, you need to take your medicine, don't you?"
Syo was still trying his best to look energized. "Where'd you hear that from?"
Natsuki decided to come out with the truth. "I'm sorry. I crossed paths with Tanaka-san when I was lost. She was looking for you."
"You—!" Syo exploded. "So you do wanna take me to my room!"
"I…"
"You lied, then?! I bet you lied. About being lost, and how you need my help!"
"No, that's not—"
"I bet what you said about helping me is a lie, too. Well, guess what? I don't need your help! Or anyone's!" Syo screamed. Natsuki fleetingly wondered if people would come running to the source of the commotion. "I don't need it, I don't care about it, it all sucks, it doesn't matter either way!"
A strange feeling named dread sparked to life in Natsuki's stomach. What did Syo mean, help wouldn't matter either way? "Syo-chan, what are you…"
"I don't care!" Syo repeated, ignoring every word from Natsuki. "I don't care about the hospital. Or the treatment. Or what Tanaka-san says. I just wanna do soccer. I wanna play music. I wanna go to school, and hang out with Kaoru, and do so many things while I… while I still…"
He couldn't finish the sentence. Any word from his throat came out as a sob. But Natsuki understood, and his chest suddenly constricted. Heat stung his eyes.
While I still can.
Syo knew, then.
Maybe he was told. Or maybe it'd be too cruel to tell him, but he overheard. This little boy in front of Natsuki, who smiled so brightly, who warmed up to a stranger so quickly, who played the violin so brilliantly, already knew the doctors' prediction—that he only had until he was twelve years old to live.
Any remaining hesitation due to their unfamiliarity dissipated when Natsuki wrapped his long arms around Syo. Instantly, the dam broke, and as he pressed Syo's head against his chest, he felt his shirt getting damp. Even so, Syo made little noise—he was harshly biting his lower lip, resulting in stuttered breaths and red-rimmed eyes.
"Oh, Syo-chan." Natsuki's voice almost broke. No. He had to be the grounded adult and not distress Syo any further, despite how much his heart cried for the child in front of him.
Syo's voice was shaky. "Shut up."
Natsuki ignored it. "It's okay. Let it out." He wanted to add, Cry as much as you want, but that would only bruise Syo's pride.
"Don't look at me," Syo hissed, voice muffled by Natsuki's shirt. Natsuki's heart clenched. See?
"I won't."
"Don't pity me!" he said harshly.
Natsuki couldn't give a reply to that. He hugged Syo tighter.
"Don't—"
"Syo-chan," Natsuki cut him off, "I still want to be your friend."
"I… You do?" Syo's small, uncertain voice chipped Natsuki's heart.
"Yes! I'd love to listen to Syo-chan's violin performance again and play with him. But in order to do that, Syo-chan must stay healthy."
"I am healthy," Syo repeatedly stubbornly.
"And I want you to stay that way! So please, Syo-chan. Take your medicine, then have some rest. Okay?"
Syo was quiet, so Natsuki took the time to caress his hair. He clutched Natsuki's shirt, but didn't complain when Natsuki idly ran his fingers down his hair. It was straight and smooth, but Natsuki realized with a slight start that it was slightly thinner than what he was used to. Did Syo style it in a way that wouldn't be visually noticeable?
After a while, the crying finally died down. Natsuki was more than comfortable holding a little Syo like this, but the clock was ticking. He tried again, whispering to the silent boy in his arms. "Let's go back. Okay, Syo-chan?"
"Mn." Syo's voice was hoarse and tired. Natsuki patted Syo's head one last time, committing the texture and length to memory. Once he was back in the present and met his own Syo-chan, he was committed to appreciating how healthy Syo's hair had become.
"Great!" said Natsuki, finally rising from his sitting position. He barely registered his tingling legs. "Now, Syo-chan, can you please lead the wa—"
"AHA! There you are!"
Natsuki and Syo jolted, simultaneously turning their heads at the sharp bark that pierced their ears. There, at the entryway to the playroom, stood Tanaka, the head nurse.
Inwardly, Natsuki winced. Especially when he felt something bump against his leg, and he realized it was Syo scurrying off to hide behind him. Syo then gripped the back of Natsuki's shirt until it was untucked from his pants. The quick and efficient movement reminded Natsuki of the forest rabbits as they took shelter in their burrows.
Natsuki had seen the effect Tanaka could have on the grown Syo when they first visited the hospital, but seeing the little Syo now, so frightened of whatever awaited him (what was it, exactly? A long lecture? A loss of privileges? A threat to tell his parents? Natsuki could only pray it wasn't any physical punishment)…
It was hard to keep a calm expression in front of Tanaka after that, but he managed. "I found Syo-chan hiding in one of the hallways." He made sure not to mention the janitor's closet. "We're going back to Syo-chan's room now. I'm sorry for the trouble we've caused, Tanaka-san."
It seemed that the intemperate nurse had to reign her emotions in front of visitors. "You'd better! Syo, you realize you're very late for your medicine?"
Syo completely disappeared behind Natsuki.
"Answer me!"
"…Yes, Tanaka-san." Natsuki knew Syo tried to sound as brave as possible, but his voice carried that familiar squeak that was forever present whenever Syo said he wasn't afraid to watch any horror movie Natsuki suggested.
"Do you have anything you want to say for yourself?"
Syo huffed.
"Syo!" Tanaka barked, and Natsuki could feel Syo flinching. He reached behind him to place a hand on Syo's shoulder as he eyed Tanaka warily.
"Tanaka-san…"
"Shinomiya-san, you're still young, so let me tell you—kids are stubborn and don't know the rules, so you have to be strict and drill it into them. Well, Syo?"
Syo groaned exaggeratedly, but he finally said in a monotone, "Sorry."
"Sorry, what?"
"…Sorry for running away when it's time to take my medicine."
"And?"
Natsuki interrupted. "Tanaka-san, I think that's—"
"Nothing of the sort, Shinomiya-san. And what, Syo?"
Syo's voice was so small now. "And I won't do it again."
Tanaka harrumphed in satisfaction. "Good. You'd better follow through on that. Now, let's go back. Shinomiya-san, please don't accommodate his antics."
She spun on her heels and began walking with rapid steps that didn't match her looks and age. Natsuki turned to Syo and offered his hand. "Shall we go? Oh, if Syo-chan is too tired, I can give you a piggyback ride…"
Syo was blinking slowly, which probably explained why he didn't try to argue with Tanaka more. But at the sight of Natsuki's hands moving to his sides, he jerked away and swatted Natsuki's hands. "I can walk on my own!"
Natsuki giggled lightly. This was more like the Syo he knew and loved. "Alright," he sang airily.
The trip to Syo's room was quiet and uneventful at first. Tanaka marched in front, seemingly set on giving Syo's medicine personally so she could see Syo obeying her every word with her own eyes. Natsuki walked behind her at a slow pace, but Syo still had a hard time keeping up. Sometimes he stumbled and nearly tripped on his own feet, prompting Natsuki to steady him with a hand on his shoulder. Other times, he rubbed the corner of his eyes. Every few steps, he stifled a yawn with his hand.
Natsuki could take it no more. "Syo-chan, I'm going to carry you, okay?" was all the warning he gave before he placed both hands on the side of Syo's torso and effortlessly lifted him up. "Upsy daisy…"
Syo yelled in alarm and annoyance, prompting Tanaka to turn around. But as long as they were keeping up with her, it seemed that there was no problem. In fact, she said, "Good, we can get there faster, then."
This little Syo was the perfect size to be held and carried like this, in Natsuki's opinion. And Syo didn't seem to hate the experience as much as he tried to appear to be. Sure, he was pouting, but the light pink was back on his cheeks. Occasionally, he grabbed onto a part of Natsuki's shirt and squeezed. Natsuki was positively humming. So adorable, he thought. Syo-chan is so small and cute. Won't you please stay like this forever? Ah, but he wouldn't want that…
The warm and fuzzy emotion in Natsuki's chest completely disappeared the moment they stepped into the cardiology ward. When Tanaka opened the door to Syo's room, the feelings had been replaced with dread and sadness.
Natsuki stared at the number C15 carved on the door's metallic plate. He'd only visited this room once before as part of his idol work, but to think that he'd have to visit the room with Syo as a patient…
Fate can be so, so cruel, Natsuki mused pensively as he stepped into the room and placed Syo on the bed. The sheets were white and slightly coarse, while the metal railings were cold to the touch. The blue curtains covering the windows provided a drop of color, but Syo had apparently taken it upon himself to decorate the room with posters of his favorite shows and artists. They were mostly action series. Natsuki was sure that in a few years, the Prince of Fighting merchandise line would be a new addition to Syo's collection.
"Is it okay if I stay here?" Natsuki asked Tanaka, who began flitting about, fussing over the syringe and needles she carried.
"Sure, sure," she mumbled as she rubbed alcohol on Syo's arm. "Helps the kids relax."
Natsuki sat at the side of Syo's bed, watching the little boy look at his own arm with pursed lips. His eyelids kept drooping, but when the needle approached his skin, he deftly dodged.
"Syo," Tanaka sighed, like this exchange was some kind of annoying ritual she had to go through. "Don't be difficult."
"I'm not!" Syo said. But even Natsuki had to admit he was, in fact, being difficult. "Try again, here." He offered his arm, but before the needle pricked his skin, he moved his arm wildly.
Tanaka had to lean back in shock. "Syo! You're gonna waste the medicine!"
Syo stuck his tongue out. "Not my business."
Natsuki couldn't take it anymore. "Syo-chan…" he pleaded. "If you keep moving around like that, the needle might graze you, and you'll hurt yourself."
"Nah, Nii-chan doesn't get it. I'll be fine. I'm already fine, so I don't need the medicine!"
Natsuki sighed. It was as if the earlier talk in the playroom hadn't happened. "Syo-chan, didn't you promise you'll take the medicine?"
"I didn't!"
Well, Natsuki had to admit that technically, Syo never made any promise of the sort. Children always liked to find verbal loopholes like this, and his clever little Syo was no exception. So he decided to go with a different tactic. "If Syo-chan doesn't take the medicine, I'll be sad."
"…"
"I'll be too worried and cry in front of Syo-chan every day."
"Urk… fine! Okay, okay, here!" Syo extended his arm for the third time.
Natsuki knew he was taking advantage of Syo's dislike of being babied and fussed over, but if it worked, then it worked. "Yay!"
Tanaka watched the whole exchange with an unimpressed look on her face. She rolled back her sleeves and prepared the needle. "Shinomiya-san, you're too trusting. With little troublemakers like him"—she pointed her chin at Syo—"you have to at least pin his arm down. Can you help me with that?"
Natsuki hesitated. If he followed through and held down Syo's arm, Syo would see it as a betrayal. But the alternative was continuing to watch Syo evade the needle out of fear masked as humor, which was even more unbearable.
So he had to play the bad guy. "I'm sorry, Syo-chan," he whispered as he grabbed Syo's arm with both hands. One pinned Syo's wrist to the mattress, while the other drew slow circles on Syo's tiny palm.
Syo was quiet as he looked away. Natsuki was overflowing with guilt.
Satisfied, Tanaka finally registered the injection. When the needle finally pricked Syo's skin, furrowed brows and bitten lips flashed across his annoyed expression.
Natsuki couldn't help but wince. "Does it… hurt?"
Syo huffed. "No, not at all." Natsuki had been with Syo long enough to decipher what that flat and detached tone meant.
Silence fell when Tanaka tidied her tools and disposed of the needle. As she made her final checks, Natsuki observed Syo's freshly pierced skin. It had been pricked so many times that the marks looked like stars scattered in the night sky. He fought the urge to trace and connect those bruises with his finger. "Does Syo-chan need to take this every day?" he asked conversationally.
"Oh, no, just sometimes. Now, Syo, I'd better not see you off in the hallways, or else! And Shinomiya-san, please remember visiting hours end at two."
Natsuki's heart sank. The clock on the wall told him he had fifteen minutes left. "I understand. Thank you so much."
"Hm." With one final nod at Natsuki and one last warning glare at Syo, Tanaka left.
Silence blanketed the room again. Natsuki stared at Syo, while Syo stared at his blanket. Natsuki's hand, the one that had rested lightly but securely on Syo's wrist, moved to rest atop Syo's head again. "Sleepy?"
Syo made no move to swat Natsuki's hand away. "No."
Natsuki couldn't even entertain his cuteness aggression when Syo was like this. "The needle must have been uncomfortable."
"Heh, I'm used to it." Syo grinned, but to Natsuki, it was empty. Though in a few years, he would train his smile to be so natural it was perfectly convincing.
Natsuki couldn't suppress his bitter smile. "Syo-chan is so amazing. You're so small—"
"I'm not small!"
Natsuki continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "—but so, very strong. I really admire that about you."
"Finally, someone who gets it!" Syo's smile softened to something more genuine. "Nii-chan, you're pretty cool!"
"Why, thank you, Prince Syo!"
Syo beamed at that. "Then, as the prince, I want you to visit again and play the violin for me."
That wiped the smile off Natsuki's face. Could he? If he stayed in the past long enough, he would visit Syo as often as he could. He would visit tomorrow, even. But he also wanted to return to the present, otherwise everyone would worry. Otherwise Syo would worry.
"You will visit again, right?" Syo pressed.
Natsuki hesitated. What should he say? He didn't want to lie…
"Nacchan!"
Natsuki winced. "You will see me again, yes," he said quickly. "And I'll play the violin. So I hope Syo-chan cheers me on." He wasn't exactly lying. Syo would see him at his second violin competition, after all.
Syo eyed him suspiciously. "When?"
"…Soon."
"Really?"
"Really. And," Natsuki quickly added before Syo could grill him with more questions, "someday, Syo-chan, we'll make lots of music together. I promise you."
Syo yawned widely. "That'd be fun…"
"It's so much fun," Natsuki agreed. "There will be challenges, but Syo-chan can always overcome them. And…" Syo was quickly drifting off to sleep, even as he tried to fight the drowsiness. Natsuki spoke faster. "Our music will be loved by so many people. Every day is an adventure, it's really amazing."
"Mm…" Syo mumbled incoherently.
"So in order for that to happen, Syo-chan needs to stay healthy. Okay?"
"Okay…" Syo yawned again. "D'you know how to get back…? Sorry, I ended up not helping."
"It's okay," Natsuki's voice nearly cracked. "Don't worry about me. Syo-chan should get some rest."
Syo once again hummed something incoherent. Natsuki helped reposition him so he was snuggly under the blanket. "I can't wait to see you again, then…"
Heat stung Natsuki's eyes. "Mn. Me, too."
"Remember, you gotta leave before two, or else Tanaka-san will get mad…"
Natsuki giggled, bitterness and warmth fighting in his chest. Always such a talker, his darling. "I will, I will. Rest now, Syo-chan. Sweet dreams."
Finally, Syo was officially too tired to speak. Natsuki watched him as his breathing gradually evened, and when he was sure Syo had fallen asleep, his body moved on its own. Before he knew it, he'd pressed his lips to the boy's temple.
Natsuki rose from his seat after that, feeling all sorts of emotions. Hurt pricked his chest, over and over. When he saw a little Syo curled in the janitor's closet, when he noticed how light and frail the boy was, when he felt Syo clinging to him… These were all things Syo wanted to hide from him, all the weak and pathetic sides Syo never wanted him to see, and after bearing witness to everything firsthand, Natsuki could sympathize and understand.
But there was hope, too. When Syo played the violin with so much confidence, when he skipped in the hallways in his hospital slippers, when he continued talking to and fussing over Natsuki despite falling asleep… These were all glimpses of the amazing person Syo would become. For that, Natsuki felt nothing but hopeful relief.
Natsuki wasn't sure he could visit Syo in the hospital tomorrow. He might never find the chance to give a violin performance to the boy currently snoozing on the hospital bed. He might no longer be able to follow him as he ran through the hospital hallways or find him in his self-made cage in the janitor's closet.
But Natsuki was certain of one thing—Syo would be alright.
The clock read one minute before two. Natsuki pinned his stare on Syo's sleeping figure as he walked backwards, wishing to commit the view to memory. But that was when the light peeking from the curtains caught his eye. The ground swayed underneath him, and his heart knew it was time.
"I'm off, Syo-chan," Natsuki whispered as he closed his eyes. "I'll see you again very soon."
The door of Syo's room didn't open and close, but Natsuki was gone.