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“What the hell are you doing?”
Shane froze mid-step to the porch, clutching a heavy blanket to his chest. His wife was a few steps away to the side, cloaked in darkness. Hanging from her shoulder was a heavy bag, dusted with coal. He squinted at her in the darkness; upon closer inspection, she was covered in soot from head to toe, too. Probably why he didn’t notice her until just now.
“Hey, moonshine,” he huffed nervously, angling the blanket away from her line of sight. “How’d it go in the mines? Find anything cool?”
Even in the dark, he could tell her face lit up. “Yeah!” She swung the bag around and dug into it for a few seconds before pulling out an absurdly large diamond. “Do you think Marnie would like this for her birthday?! It’s either this or pumpkin pie, and you know I’m a shit cook.”
The blanket squirmed in his arms. Shane squeezed it tighter and rocked back on his feet, grinning sheepishly. “She’ll love it. Wanna go inside and take a shower?”
His wife opened her mouth, but a muffled squeak broke through the air, and his stomach dropped. Crap.
“What was that?” She inched closer and narrowed her eyes. “Is that–is that my blanket?”
Sweat broke out on his forehead. He debated his options for a moment, staring wide-eyed at her as the porch light slowly illuminated her pretty, albeit very dirty face. “Uh...”
It wriggled again in his grasp, and a little masked face broke through the top, snuffling at his cheek. Her jaw dropped at the sight. “Yoba, Shane–another one?!”
“It’s just a baby!” he blurted, wildly waving a hand in her face. “I just–it was over by greenhouse, and I didn’t see the momma around anywhere, so I fed it some cat food and it started following me, and–”
He shoved the blanket in her face before she could object, showing her the baby raccoon. “And just look at him, moonshine,” he cooed sadly, giving her a pitiful look. “You can’t tell me to say no to this little face.”
She flinched back and stared at the baby. His big, shiny eyes blinked innocently at her from behind his mask. His face was terribly fluffy, all gray and black. Even his nose was cute, curiously sniffing at her. She opened her mouth to say something, but then he adorably tilted his head, and her heart squeezed like a vice.
“You are so unfair,” she muttered, glaring at her husband’s smug face. “Where’s he gonna sleep, then?”
“Yes!” Shane gave her a lopsided grin and snuggled the baby back to his chest. “I was thinking he could sleep with us–”
“Absolutely not.” The farmer firmly crossed her arms and shook her head. “First of all, it probably has fleas–”
“I’ll give him a bath,” he quickly countered, lifting the raccoon to nudge their noses together. “Won’t I, little guy? You wanna take a nice, warm bath? Wanna get nice and fat on snacks with me?”
The raccoon chittered excitedly in response, pawing at her husband’s cheeks, and she sighed heavily. “I really need to give you an actual baby, huh?”
Shane pointedly ignored her and stepped up the porch, cradling it to his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She snorted and followed him inside, dropping her bag to the floor with a heavy thump. “Don’t get all coy on me, Shane,” she warned, kicking her boots off. “We’ve only been trying for a month, remember? These things take time.”
He paused in front of the bathroom, scratching behind the little guy’s ear, then glanced back at her. A slow, crooked grin spread on his face. “Well, then. If we try really hard, maybe we can give this guy a little sibling by next year.”
Later that very night, after tucking Bandito into a makeshift cardboard bed, Shane made good on that promise.
By the time autumn rolled around again, he found himself stuck in bed and stupidly pleased with himself. On his chest was a newborn baby girl, safe and warm. Curled into his side was his very sleepy wife, and on his lap was a fat-ass raccoon, paws twitching in the air.
He dipped his nose and breathed in the top of her fresh little head, then sighed happily. “That’s better.”