Work Text:
“Bill! Get that will you!?” Uncle Danny hollered from the kitchen.
“Ayuh,” Bill called back agreeably. The house was filled with Pierces and Pierce adjacents. Aunt Sarah and Aunt Eloise cackling in the kitchen, and Martin braying like a horse at something Evie Gillis had said. Jimmy whining about hauling things upstairs, and more of their numbers moving in and out to get the place ready.
He, silent and smooth, made his way to the door. He didn't have his relatives’ volume, but god gave him eyes and ears and good timing to make up for it.
He opened the door and cocked his head curiously. The man before him was certainly as tall as a Pierce, he even had a big mouth that might pass muster, but he was missing all the other key features. He didn't have the darker features of a Forare either, and besides, Sophie Pierce's people lived far off and haven't ever approved of their daughter marrying outside the religion, which seemed a might unreasonable since they were a mix of Catholic Italians and New York Jews and they got along fine with one another.
The stranger didn't look sick or panicked enough to be a patient, although he did look a little sick and panicked which was sort of interesting.
“Hey…” the man spoke. “Is Hawkeye here?”
Billy whistled, a habit he picked up as he was not a man of many words, even if he did have tons of thoughts.
He shrugged loosely. “You're a bit early,” he said, but opened the door.
By a bit he meant by probably a day or two.
“Is it a patient, Bill!?” Uncle Danny called.
“No!” Bill called back. Assessed again and repeated: “No, says he's here about Benjamin.” Honestly everyone in town was at their most careful right now because no one wanted to be the one to interrupt the Hawk’s return with a hangnail or broken toe. Bertha Williams had been swearing up and down to the pastor that her baby wasn't gonna come out until mid-August and no sooner so help her God. Pastor said she shouldn't make oaths like that she couldn't keep, but promised to put a word in with the Big Guy on her behalf.
Uncle Danny appeared to assess the stranger. Plenty of well-wishers had been showing up since they announced the peace on the radio. Pies, and casseroles for days. It almost felt like a funeral, but with everyone smiling cause the one that died had been a right bastard.
Bill supposed it was the war that died. Ben would say something about war being the worst bastard of them all if he was here, and if Bill had said any of that out loud.
“You're a friend of Ben’s?” Uncle Danny asked, already a wide Pierce smile on his face, shaking the man's hand like they were long lost friends. “You're a bit early, son.”
The man’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “I seem to have come at a bad time,” he said, noticing all the decorating going on.
“We're just getting ready for Hawkeye's homecoming,” Danny said, waving the man's concern off.
“Oh, he's not here?” The man asked in disappointment.
“The war only ended the day before yesterday, son. It'll take a few days to deliver him home.”
The man froze. “What?”
Danny frowned. “What's the matter?”
“He’s still in Korea?” The man asked, a look of agitation and guilt churning on his face. “That can’t be right.”
“It wasn't,” Danny agreed. “First they reset his points due to their own screw up, then they upped the amount you need for a discharge. He's been there almost the whole time, almost three years–” and here Uncle Danny's voice cracked a little. “I've had nephews on shorter prison stints than that.”
“Three…” the man repeated, looking more ill than he had before. “He only came a week after me. Three years?”
Danny’s frown increased, an idea dawning. “What did you say your name was again?”
“Uh. John. Er--Trapper. He might have mentioned me?”
Bill’s perpetually slumped shoulders straightened at the look in Danny’s eyes.
“I see,” Danny said, voice low.
“I was… I wanted to talk to him. I…”
“Billy.” Uncle Danny said.
Bill's spine straightened further.
“Why don't you take Trapper for a beer and explain things.”
Bill whistled in agreement even though he had no idea what he was supposed to be explaining.
“Yeeeesir. Come on then, Boston.” He grabbed Trapper John by the shoulder, guiding him to the front where his truck was parked, probably saving the man's life in the process.
“I have my car–”
“No time,” Bill said and off they went toward town.
Bill gave a sigh of relief, rolling down the window and lighting up a cigarette. “I don't think I've seen Uncle Danny that mad since the day I brought Hawkeye home soaking wet head to toe.” Only lived to tell the tale because Ben had nodded along when Bill explained he was the one that scooped him out. Which wasn't exactly a lie.
He didn't mention that he was also the one that pushed him in. Ben was Danny's pride and joy. Crossing his own father's favourite brother would have meant a black and blue ass for months.
“He was mad?” Trapper John asked, looking horrified, head turning back towards the Pierce residence.
“Uncle Danny's a pacifist. My father, his brother Big Benji, he's a lobster fisherman. He's knocked a few around, but not Daniel. Never laid a hand on anyone in his entire life and never will.”
“Ah…”
“At least I was pretty sure that was the case until a few minutes ago.”
“Ah…!”
“I'm more like my dad than my uncle,” Bill added. He took a drag of his cigarette. Maybe that's why Danny sent him out. Maybe he wanted this guy clobbered, but was too soft-hearted to do it himself.
But then again maybe not.
“So… you mess with my cousin?” Bill asked. He was taking Trapper to the diner. They could talk there, get lunch. If he needed to take care of business, it was Stacy Philips nee Gillis working, and if he said it was for Hawkeye she wouldn't bat an eye at Bill dragging someone out by the collar. She was the late Tommy Gillis’ sister, and Hawkeye was so close to that family he called Evie Mom and Stacy Sis.
It was Hawkeye that wrote the letter. The whole town knew the sad story. Tommy ended up on Ben's table too far gone to save. If it was any other doctor in the world then maybe Evie would blame him. Curse him for not being good enough to save her oldest boy, but it was Hawkeye. Apples, lobster, and Hawkeye Pierce were the prides of Crabapple Cove. When he got into Androscoggins the entire town was smiling. When he got into Columbia everyone was bragging. When he got a fellowship with a fella that wrote the book on thoracic medicine everyone got out a dictionary to figure out what thoracic medicine was so that they could brag some more.
There was no doubt that if Hawkeye Pierce could save him, then Tommy would have been saved.
Hawkeye had a storm coming as soon as Daniel had his time with hugging his son silly, because Evie and Stacy were going to give him what for for stopping his letters to them and blaming himself.
They were just thankful Tommy was with someone he loved best when he died, and he wasn't alone.
Ben had always been sensitive though. Bill had pushed him in the pond because he kept throwing back his fish, unwilling to kill them himself.
It had been a joke. Bill throwing Hawkeye back. Joke didn't land when Hawkeye didn't surface.
The look Uncle Danny gave him still made his blood run cold to think of.
But it had all worked out. Ben didn't even really remember. Bill did always feel a bit bad for it though, once he was out of his childhood home and living with Emily and she hadn't laughed at all the funny stories he had from his childhood. But Benjamin wasn't the type to hold a grudge. The moment you showed him an ounce of fondness you'd be back in his good graces.
Speaking of. Bill looked over, flicking his cigarette out the window. Trapper John hadn't answered him. He just looked ill again.
“You break my cousin's heart?” Bill guessed.
This got Trapper John back to the present moment. He looked over at Bill like one of the fish his cousin granted his mercy to. Hawkeye would have been a good priest if the doctor gig hadn't worked out. He had the verbiage for it.
Bill waved his hand breezily. “I don't mean to insult you, Benjamin’s half queer. Nothing that won't sort itself out when he finds the right girl. He's always been a strange one, and it's Hawkeye, so we just accept it.” Bill lit another cigarette.
“Just accept it?” Trapper John repeated. He spoke less than Bill did.
“Uncle Danny's the doctor here, and a widower, and the finest kind. Hawkeye lost his ma, and grew wild, and never got any of the wallopings he earned himself cause Danny'd never hit him. He was always trailing his daddy and helping anyone that needed it. He belongs to the town, like the town belongs to the ocean,” Bill explained philosophically. He exhaled his smoke and decided on a burger.
“So?” Bill prompted, lunch having been decided. They still had a bit of driving to go before they got to the diner.
“We were at the same unit. He was my best friend.” Trapper John said. “I got my orders home while he was on R&R. Didn't get the chance to say goodbye.”
Bill nodded. That was a shame.
“I didn't write him either. When I got back I mean. He wrote me. Three letters. The first was him complaining I left without a word. The second was that he wasn't dead, just in case I had sent a letter and got returned to sender. On the envelope he put “Alive” Captain B.F. Pierce, just so that I would know. The last was ta say he'd stop bothering me. That's probably why his father's angry. Hawk tells him everything.”
Bill exhaled smoke.
“That’s cold,” he decided. He weighed in his mind if it deserved a pounding.
“I know,” Trapper said forlornly. “I thought he would be home by now. That he'd only have to get through a month at most without me, maybe two if he was unlucky, and then he would be home and want to forget it all as much as I did. Especially after… after our C.O. died. I wanted Korea scrubbed out of my mind. The only stuff I packed was what I came with. I wanted it like I was never there at all.”
“What's changed?”
“The war's ended. And I hadn't ever forgotten any of it. I didn't actually want to forget him. I thought it was enough time. A happy enough occasion. The right kind of icebreaker. The war is over, so here I am again. He’d make a few scathing jokes at my expense. We'd hug. We’d have a drink to peace, and I’d apologise for missing him.”
“Boy, you're a real piece of work, Trapper John,” Billy said, clicking his tongue. A handsome one too. This was, in fact, probably a queer thing.
Hawkeye would have probably gone for it too is the thing. He hated being mad at people he likes. He never stepped into a boat with Bill again, but kept tagging along for everything else Bill got up to.
Bill had been glad for that. The kid never stopped talking. Gabbing away in combination with Pierce volume control. Bill would tune him out and ruffle his hair, but the endless stream was a nice sort of white noise that blocked out the shouting of his father and siblings. And Hawkeye didn't kick or bite like they did either. He always talked about nonsense and none of the nonsense hurt.
They pulled into the diner. He decided not to deck Trapper John as Ben would probably not want him to despite being injured by the man's actions. Emily would say that that's progress. Progress for what, he wasn't really sure, but it did always feel like a step forward when she said it.
“What are we doing here?” Trapper asked.
“Burger,” Bill explained. He headed on in. Stacy Philips offered a bright smile.
“Hey Billy, sit where you like, you just missed the rush.”
“Thanks Stacy.”
“You up at Daddy Dan’s?” she asked, circling the counter and taking out her order pad.
“Yep. Requested by the man himself to assist in the preparations. Along with any Pierce that isn't in jail, or on the lam, or working, and your Mom of course.”
“Natch. And who's this?” Stacy gave Trapper John a once over. Trapper John offered a crooked smile in return. Stacy leaned forward tits first.
“Buddy of Hawkeye's. Don't be too nice to him though, he's in the shit.”
“What for?”
“Not writing my cousin back.”
Stacy crossed her arms. “Well maybe the Hawk’s getting what he deserves considering his lack of correspondence this way.”
“A very good point,” Bill agreed, knowing better than to argue with a Gillis. Tommy's poison pen had been legendary and Stacy's tongue was just as potent. His cousin could talk his own way out of trouble.
“You and Hawkeye…?” Trapper John asked with a note of suggestiveness.
Stacy made a face. “No way. I've known him since I was six and thought he was my actual blood brother until I was ten.”
“That so?” Bill asked, not having heard that story before.
“It did explain why Daddy Dan and Hawkeye didn't live with us.” She laughed.
Trapper John laughed too. “That's adorable.”
Stacy was doing her best not to be taken in, but Trapper John had a quality to him and Bill wished her God's strength and wished David Philips’ God's mercy.
“Besides that, Tommy would have killed me,” she laughed, but there was that quiet hurt in her eyes, grieving her brother. “The way he'd get jealous when Hawk stepped out with a girl. He was insufferable until Hawkeye would kiss him stupid in his treehouse as recompense. Boy, you’d have thought he was a queer.”
She startled from her old memories remembering the flatlander among them who might not be so understanding of Hawkeye's strangeness and half-queer guile. Bill’s cousin had a magic way about him that drew both man and woman, which as soon as he hit puberty he used for evil--and who could blame him really? A man's gotta eat.
“Tommy Gillis?” Trapper asked instead of being offended.
“You knew Tommy?” Stacy's mouth fell open.
“Not…not well. We met not long before he… I was in Hawkeye's unit in Korea. He introduced us.”
“Yeah… Hawkeye's letter said he visited. How happy he was to see him. How sorry he was about everything.” She sighed sadly. “He blames himself. He stopped writing me and Mom and our letters got sent back.”
“I was there. There was nothing anyone could have done, and he tried anyway. He tried so hard.”
A tear slid down Stacy's cheek. She brushed it away, sniffing. “I know. I didn't need you to tell me that. When he gets back I'm gonna tell him myself. I'm not gonna lose two brothers for the price of one, that's for sure.”
Trapper John’s smile was smaller and sweeter this time in his sympathy.
Stacy rallied. “Anyway, you fellas sit and figure out what you want. Two bills?”
“Just the one.” Bill said, gesturing at himself.
She rolled her eyes at him.
“He's paying,” Bill said, pointing to Trapper. “Boston’s got pockets, right?”
“On me,” Trapper John said with minimal fuss.
He looked at the menu and ordered a burger as well.
“So you're Hawkeye's cousin?”
“One of many,” Bill agreed. “He's the baby of the generation so everyone makes a fuss on top of the other reasons they make a fuss.”
“I didn't know that,” Trapper John said, looking a little lost where he found himself.
“Yeah, Hawkeye doesn't talk much.”
Trapper John scoffed. “Are you kidding me? He never stops!”
“About himself,” Bill clarified. “There are two ways to get attention when you have dozens of cousins that all talk at the top of their lungs. One way is to be funny, the other way is timing.”
Trapper John looked amused and fond. “He's got both.”
Bill rolled his eyes. “I hope you didn't tell him that, there will be no fixing him if he comes back knowing the terrible truth.”
Trapper John tentatively chuckled.
“So,” Trapper John said. “Other than food, what are we doing here?”
“Well, like I said Uncle Danny is a pacifist, and I think he intends to keep being one, so I took you out to let him cool down. I don't think you should return, so I'll get my brother Jimmy to drive your car down here.”
“But I have my keys.”
“Yeah… that's not a problem for Jim. Anyway, emotions are high, Hawkeye isn't back yet, and Mrs. Hunnicutt's letter was a doozy.”
“Mrs. Hunnicutt?”
“Hawkeye's buddy's wife. Her and Uncle Danny went to a party in New York and have been writing each other ever since. They keep each other updated on what her husband and Ben write about each other that they leave out in their own letters.” Mutually assured gossip as Uncle Danny called it.
“What did she say?”
“Don't know, it’s between them, but it's about Hawkeye and it has to be from a Hunnicutt letter and Hawkeye hasn't written. Uncle Dan's been bouncing off the walls throwing everything into the party. Wants Hawkeye to know how much he was missed.”
“But is he okay?” Trapper John demanded. “Was he wounded? Who’s Hunnicutt? Is he a good surgeon? Is he even a surgeon?”
Billy shrugged. “How am I supposed to know? Uncle Dan doesn't tell us everything. He isn't dead, that's all I have for you.”
“That isn't enough.”
“It was enough a day ago,” Bill replied. “You were fine with not knowing the state Benjamin was in.”
“I thought he had been home for at least a year!” Trapper John snapped. He ran a hand through his curls anxiously. “I thought–I thought we both needed to move on. That he'd understand. That once he got out he wouldn't want to hear from me either. He wasn't supposed to be there the whole damn time. How could they do that to him?”
Queer thing. Bingo.
Stacy set down their plates and left them to it.
Bill took a bite of his burger. It was pretty good.
He shrugged at Trapper John's question. Lord knows it tore up Uncle Danny. Big Benji himself had prodded at his lawyer buddy who also owned the bait shop as to how the army could get away with caging his favourite nephew so long when he hadn't even committed a felony. But the army had their own rules and lawyers and Army Law was tougher than American Law. There were no rights of free men to those in the army.
Looking at Trapper John, Bill couldn't help but wonder if it was that way forever once you were branded in khaki. The man in front of him was away from the war for a good year and a half and he certainly didn't look free.
They ate a bit, but Bill figured he might as well get the wheels rolling.
“Anyways, I'll ring the house and get Jimmy. Eat some food, Boston.”
Bill left Trapper John to his fretting and went over to the payphone. Usually, he'd have borrowed the Diner’s to spare himself the change, but Stacy's makeup had been running when she had quickly delivered the burgers and he figured she needed time to cry and fix herself up.
“Hey Jenny, can you connect me to Dr. Pierce?” He asked the operator. There wasn't much need for memorizing numbers in Crabapple Cove, especially not the local emergency line.
“Who's this? It isn't a medical thing is it? Because if it is, Portland General is only an hour if you drive fast–”
“Jenny it's Bill–you know you shouldn't be fielding Uncle Dan's calls. He'd be pretty sore if someone bought the farm while–” The connection clicked before he could finish.
“Dr. Pierce’s residence, this better not be an emergency,” the voice on the line threatened. Bill rolled his eyes. He might have to snitch to Uncle Danny about all the female interference on his behalf.
“Nah, Auntie El, it's just Bill. Is Jimmy still slacking off? If he is, I need him for something.”
“Billy! I was wondering where you got to.”
“Taking care of something for Uncle Danny.”
“You're a good one, Bill. I'll grab Jim–JIM! PHONE! IT’S BILL!”
Bill winced, rubbing his ear. He really should have seen that coming. Boy his family was loud.
A few moments later his brother was on the line.
“Yeah, Billy?”
“Jimmy, see the fancy car out front of Uncle Dan’s?”
“What fancy…? Oh yeah, there it is. Is it Frankie's? Where'd he steal that? It's got Boston plates.”
“It's not stolen.”
“Come off it, Frankie doesn't have the money for that.”
“It isn't Frankie’s. Just listen. I need you to bring it to the diner. And bring some tape to fix the electrics once you park.”
“Come on, Frank’ll kill me.”
“It's not Frankie’s, you think I wanna piss off Frankie?” Their older brother had given them more bruises than their Dad, even after Bill learned to talk his way out of things and Jimmy learned to punch back. Even Big Benji kept on his eldest son's good side nowadays.
Only one out of the brothers and cousins Frankie had spared from his fists had been Hawkeye, and that was because he had been in jail the first seven years of little Hawk’s life and then had been charmed when their youngest cousin played doctor and diligently bandaged his bleeding knuckles when he had been bleeding in Dan's sitting room waiting for him to finish fixing up the poor SOB he broke the jaw of. A baby Androcles in the making that one. Frank had a big soft spot for Hawkeye. Yet another reason folks around the cove tended to accept Hawkeye's oddities. An angel for a father and a devil for a cousin, not that Hawkeye had met Frankie more than a dozen times with Frank in and out of jail and Hawkeye in and out of fancier and fancier schools.
“If you don't wanna piss him off, why do you wanna steal his stolen car?” Boy Jim was a dunce. The one blunted blade in a drawer of fish knives.
“Cause it's not his car. It's a fella from Boston. Friend of Hawkeye's.”
“That Trapper fella?” News had made the rounds. Pierces and their big mouths. It would be Aunt Sarah, who was closest to Uncle Dan and probably knew the whole story and was happily spinning it to the rest of the gals who in turn told it to their fellas. It hadn't been more than an hour so Billy expected everyone in the house to know the score, and probably some of the extended family in Vermont if Aunt Eloise had gotten time on the phone. Maybe why she had been parked there in the first place.
“Yeah, the Trapper fella, Jim.” Bill shoved his family's gossipy big-nosed nature to one side. “You know about Trapper John and didn't put together the fancy car was his?”
“What am I? A detective?”
“You're certainly a dick,” Bill said. The payphone informed him he'd need to add more coin. He muttered a curse.
“Jimmy, we’re running the meter. Just get the car and drive it to the diner and–wait. IS Frankie there? I thought he was in jail.”
“Time out for good behaviour.”
“Swell.”
“Not at all, Uncle Danny says the warden's swelling has gone down a treat.”
“He doesn't know about Trapper John, does he?”
“Uhhhh, don’t know. Didn't speak to him. He was in and out.”
“Did he talk to Aunt Sarah?”
“Ahuh,” Jim decided in the positive.
Ah hell.
“Alright Jim, forget the car. Or actually get it and take it to Dave Philips, and if he asks tell him he owes me for protecting his marriage. I'll pick it up tomorrow. Got it?”
“What's in it for me?”
“A swift kick in the teeth if you don't get moving." No no. Emily would be scolding him if he caught him talking that way in front of the kids. "I'll have Emily bake you a pie. How's that?”
“Apple.”
“It's not the seas–fine. Just go.”
“Ayuh, no problem Billy.”
“No problem,” Bill muttered in irritation. He moved back to the booth where Trapper John was still picking at his food.
“Wallet out, Boston, we need to move.”
“What's the matter?” Trapper John asked, his face went from glum to serious. Maybe it was a doctor thing, or maybe it was a soldier thing knowing when danger was near.
“Frank's out of jail,” he said as explanation.
“Frank?” Trapper John asked, looking confused. “Not… you don't mean ferret face, do ya?” He almost sounded hopeful.
“Different Frank,” Bill said (Even Bill listened to the stories about Hawkeye's rock for brains nemesis). “This one's big, mean, out for blood, and would be better compared to a sabertooth tiger than a weasel.”
Trapper John stood, appropriately spooked. “And what's he want with my blood!?”
“To spill it most likely. Come on.”
Trapper dropped bills on the counter, with generous tip which made Bill feel more determined to keep the man alive.
“We weren't here, Stacy!” Bill shouted through the pass with a rare show of Pierce volume.
“Ayuh!” Came the faint acknoweldgement from the back.
They peeled off just as Bill spotted what was sure to be Frankie’s car pulling into the diner.
Bill whistled in relief and kept to dangerous speeds for the next three miles.
“What was that about?” Trapper John demanded, clinging onto the door frame.
“If it's any consolation, I’m pretty sure Uncle Danny didn't realise Frank was around. He wouldn't want a murder on his hands.”
“Murder?!”
“Well, attempted. Danny would have patched you up, but boy you wouldn't be able to show your face again in town for making Dan work this week.”
“What are you saying!?”
“My older brother Frank. He's both violent and protective of his family. Hawkeye's his favourite.” Hawkeye was most of their favourite after Uncle Dan.
“And he heard about me ‘n’ Hawk?”
“Not sure. We can go back and ask if you want, but I'm not paying for your headstone.”
“What about my car?”
“I got that handled. You'll get it back by next week.”
“Next week!?”
“Probably.”
“Are you kidding me right now?!?”
“Like I said, I'm happy to turn around.”
“Don't…don't turn around,” Trapper John took in a long deep breath. “I guess I deserve it. Near three years in Korea. Damn, it's the least I deserve.”
“I'll drive you to Portland and you can take the train back home.”
“The good old Boston Maine Railway,” Trapper John sighed as if it was fate. “That’s how I got my nickname. That's how Hawkeye knew me in Korea. No one calls me Trapper anymore outside old college buddies.”
“And the good people of Crabapple Cove.”
“Hawk would write about me, huh?”
“Dan was always telling the highlights of your adventures to anyone who would listen.” Bill didn't often listen, but some of it was starting to ring a bell. Lots of those Ferret Face cappers mentioned Trapper.
“Hey … so … you've really gone out of your way for me…”
“Eh,” Bill lit a cigarette. “I owe Hawkeye one anyway. Pushed him in a pond when he was six and always felt a little guilty for getting off scot-free. Knowing him he wouldn't want your pretty face pounded into hamburger.”
“Uh, right,” Trapper John shifted uncomfortably.
"It's fine, my cousin has a strange magic of making men queer for him. Happened enough that we don't question it anymore."
"That isn't--I'm not..."
Bill tuned him out and turned up the radio. Maybe he was a full queer. Didn't really matter he supposed.
He stopped at the station.
“One week?” Trapper asked, now thoroughly aware his old army buddy came from a family of con artists, criminals, car thieves, lobstermen, blabbermouths, and just the occasional doctor.
“More or less, we'll see, won't we? I got your address, it'll get there.”
“You and not Cousin Frankie?” Trapper John asked with wise apprehension.
“No Frankie,” Bill promised. The war would have had to change Benjamin down to his marrow if he sent cousin Frank after the man that broke his heart. “Off ya go, Boston.”
He watched him enter the station and got out of the car to finish his cigarette and enjoy the summer sun. He had driven a lot today.
Emily would get a kick out of all of it, and be happy that he shielded the man's life instead of pounding him himself.
Progress. Steps forward.
--Huh.
“Daddy, the car!” Becky called cheerfully.
Trapper ran down the steps two at a time and pulled his daughter from the window. “That's great, hon. Now go upstairs with Mom and Kitty-Kat, okay sweetie?”
“But I was waiting for Annie. We’re gonna jump rope!”
“Why don't you go out the back way then and meet her at her place?”
“Okay!” Becky said brightly.
"Tell Mommy first."
"Okay Daddy!"
Trapper smiled watching his girl run up the stairs.
Bill Pierce had said it wouldn't be Frankie coming to clobber him, but he's rather not have the girls around if that wasn't the case.
He regretted the entire trip. All it had done was firmly confirm what he had suspected. That he has screwed up. Ruined things with the best friend he had ever had in or outside wartime, and worse, that he had left scars.
Hawkeye would never want to talk to him again. At least the crazy trip meant Trapper knew better than to–
The horn of his own car honked.
Okay well fine, now or never. Hopefully it was Bill, or Jimmy.
Trapper exited his house and made his way down the little garden path. The flowers the girls had planted were still in full bloom despite the hot summer they were having. Kathy has been very diligent in her watering duties.
“I didn't picture you surrounded by flowers.” The voice was a lot softer and gentler than the one he was used to, but it was still familiar.
“Hawk? Hawkeye?”
Sitting in the driver's seat was Hawkeye Pierce. His hair had gone gray, and he looked exhausted. His smile was a lot smaller, but it was still there and aimed in Trapper's direction. He leaned casually on the wheel.
He started talking.
“Hey Trap. You're never going to believe this, but I get my orders, say goodbye to everyone, longest plane ride of my life, then the longest train after that. Non-stop, I don't even have time to get to a payphone or send a telegram. I come out of the station to find a place to eat and phone my dad to come pick me up, but wouldn't you know it? There's my cousin Bill, sitting on the hood of his truck, smoking a cigarette as if he were waiting for me. Bill looks at me, and I look at Bill and then I shout at him: ‘What the hell are you doing here?!’" Hawkeye actually shouted a little for effect. He continued: "‘Well, Benjamin,’ Typical Bill, he goes: ‘I sent you for a swim when you were a kid and I always felt a bit bad about that.’ -- Which was funny, you know? Because that incident was the exact reason why I was shouting at him. I think he just thought I was being loud. He has the idea that everyone in the family is too loud except for him and I had never made a fuss about the pond before. So I go: ‘What? But how did you even know I was here?’
"‘I didn't,’ he goes. Takes a puff of his cigarette and throws it on the pavement. Hops off the hood and grabs my duffle. Ushers me toward the passenger's side. ‘I was saving your boy Trapper John from cousin Frankie.’
"‘Cousin Frankie? Trapper John? What are you talking about?’ I ask.
"‘Oh you just missed him. Left about ten minutes ago. Ten minutes!’” Hawkeye laughed as if it was the greatest punchline he ever heard.
Trapper just felt devastated. They had missed each other by minutes?
Hawkeye leaned over and opened the passenger side. Trapper slipped in without a word.
“Ah, you don't get it,” Hawkeye nodded to himself.
“What's the joke?” Trapper asked. He was a ball of nerves and guilt.
“When I got back from R&R and Radar gave me that milktoast kiss on the cheek I hopped in a jeep and raced to Kimpo to try to say goodbye to you.” He nudged Trapper. “Missed you by ten minutes.”
Now he felt even worse. “Oh. Hawk, I…”
“S’okay,” Hawkeye shook his head. “Sounds like we're even now. Especially after you dove head first into a Pierce family reunion without proper preparation.”
“No we ain't. I was a coward. I didn't write you. I thought it was because… because I didn't want to think about any of it. And I told myself you would be safe and home not long after me… but the real reason… well, you know I think your entire family thinks I'm queer?”
Hawkeye laughed. “I promise I didn't try to lead anyone to that conclusion... but yeah that's happened before.”
“They're pretty loose lipped about you, you know?” Trapper said grumpily.
“Not usually to flatlanders,” Hawkeye said with amusement. “You must have fit right in.”
“Thing is, when Bill asked if I had broken your heart. Implied I was your … your lover or… or whatever, it threw me. Not because I was disgusted or ashamed or anything like that, you know I don't care about that… it was… it was regret. I regretted that we weren't.”
“Trap, Bill didn't convince you I had magic queering powers, did he?” Hawkeye teased.
Trapper smiled painfully. “Well, maybe he's right. Never yearned for a man before, but I've been missing you something fierce, Hawkeye Pierce.”
Hawkeye's expression crumpled, just a little bit. He looked down at his hands on the wheel. They looked older. Swollen and painful from hours upon hours of meatball surgery.
Near three years. God.
“I was okay,” Hawkeye said quietly. “I was mostly okay without you, you know? I missed you like hell, but I wasn't alone. I had people. Good people. Some you know, some you don't. I just thought I misunderstood. Made more of you and me than it was. Maybe that's what happens in war. You cling and cling and then you go your separate ways. And any letters would have just prolonged the inevitable drifting. Better to cut it off clean… except–” and here Hawkeye jabbed him hard in the shoulder.
“Ow!”
“–B.J. lugged a hundred stones to the chopper pad to spell out goodbye, and when I got home his first of a dozen letters was waiting for me. You know why he did that? Because he knew how fucked up I was over not hearing from you, and he had his own guilt to assuage, and his weird complex about you–but that's neither here nor there.”
“Hawk, I–”
“I was never going to ask you for more than friendship! Never. For all you fooled around with the nurses, I knew where your heart belonged.” Hawkeye gestured toward the house. He paused, taking it in again. “You never told me about the flowers.”
“Girls planted them while I was gone,” Trapper said, voice raspy.
Hawkeye sighed, smiled tiredly, patted Trapper's knee. “It's really nice.”
“It is. Listen Hawkeye. I didn't even know myself about what I wanted. What you meant to me... what I meant to you. I have this life now. There shouldn't be anything missing from it,” Trapper said, putting his hand over Hawkeye's.
“There isn't. Little garden path, Cheerful yellow paint job. Two little girls peeking out the window.” Hawkeye inhaled sharply.
There they were, Becky and Kathy looking out. They waved when they were spotted. Hawkeye looked like he wanted to cry, but leaned forward, smiled big, and waved back at them.
“Gorgeous wife somewhere in there too,” Hawkeye continued, leaning back and closing his eyes. “I always teased B.J. about his apple pie life, but you might even have Mr. California beat. No wait, he has a dog. Waggles. Golden retriever."
“We got a cat.”
Hawkeye scoffed. “What's its name?”
“Hot Dog.”
“You're back in the running. Is Hot Dog fat?”
“Gigantic.”
“It's a tie then.”
“What are we even talking about?”
“We're talking about how you have a beautiful life, Trap, and I'm happy for you.”
“I thought I was offering you a slice of pie.”
“I'm not meant for–”
It was Trapper's turn to nudge Hawkeye. “Sure you are. Crabapples are tart, but they’re perfect for baking into apple pie. Come on. Louise will wanna meet you. You're not gonna let her miss the opportunity of finally meeting my secret lover.”
“We were never secret lovers.”
“Want to be?”
“Secret lovers? No.”
“How about not so secret lovers?”
“Pretty sure society and your wife would have a problem with that.”
“Well, we won't tell society. We'll tell Louise and all of Crabapple Cove. Everyone else? Screw ‘em.”
“We can take out an ad in the Chronicle. Hawkeye Pierce: Fully Queer.”
“Sure.”
“Trap, this isn't funny.”
“Who's laughing?” Hawkeye actually was laughing, amused with it despite himself. Trapper continued. “Louise’s jealousy of the fairer sex… well… she was actually pretty understanding when I told her what I figured out after picking me up from the train last week. Listened to the whole thing. All the feelings bursting out of me. After all of it she asked if you were handsome.”
“Sorry, what?”
“Louise is… she's not all that faithful either to tell ya the truth. Dogging me about it was her trying to cover herself. When I got back... when I got back I was a wreck, she was on edge. It exploded both of us said things, admitted things. Made it hurt. We almost called it quits. Loved the girls too much, then remembered how we loved each other too. She's gonna be furious when I bring you through the door, because I didn't give her warning. She had a whole seduction menu planned.”
“I've seen your picture of Louise. Liver and fish would be enough to seduce me if served by that woman,” Hawkeye said stoically.
“You'll like her personally too.”
“I already do. Any woman that asks if her husband's doomed crush is handsome and makes a seduction menu must be the only woman in the world that will ever understand me aside from Margaret Houlihan who would murder me if we tried living together.”
"Hot Lips?"
"A lot changed after you left. Like sticking to calling her Margaret."
"Huh. Noted." Trapper shook off that little bombshell. “So let’s get you introduced to the second woman of your dreams." He grinned, putting his hand on the door. Somehow this was all going to work out.
“Trap,” Hawkeye stopped him. “I'm not the same guy you left in Korea. I'm not. A lot of my soul got poured out over there. Kids … it's hard to be around kids right now.” His voice cracked a bit at the edge and suddenly Hawkeye looked far away and brittle.
“Oh Hawk. What happened?”
“I'm not ready yet, but I… ten minutes. I couldn't miss you by ten minutes again, and Bill wasn't going to drive all the way to Boston.”
“You got ten minutes. I got ten minutes,” Trapper said.
“Can't wait to see what twenty might get us. But… let me get my head on straight first, okay? Besides I wanna experience the seduction menu with proper preperation.”
“You survived an extra year and a half in Korea without one letter. I don't think I'm allowed to complain about waiting.”
“No, you're definitely not.” Hawkeye got out of the driver’s side. “Drive me to the station, pal?”
“No problem, buddy.”
They switched sides.
“But I gotta warn you.”
“About what?”
“Papercuts. This B.J. guy has a head start on me. A dozen letters? You've only been back a week.”
“Oh no,” Hawkeye groaned. “There can't be two of you.”
“Hauled rocks up to the chopper pad? Hawkeye, he's obviously in love with you,” Trapper teased, a big grin on his face.
“He's the love of my life,” Hawkeye said, deadpan. “And the straightest man in existence.”
“That's what they used to say about me until you worked your queer magic.”
Both of them burst into familiar laughter and Trapper felt whole for the first time since coming home.
“Trap?”
“Yeah?”
“Let's not say goodbye.”
“Wasn't planning on it.”