Chapter Text
2014
to jamie
dead bones,
lovely faces,
fake faces,
ugly faces.
liars are like a killed bird, —
you can't hear their songs
but you know they're here,
like poor children god knows where.
we eradicated unemployment with our faith in god,
achieving him turning away and no longer believing in us.
i only hope that we're happy.
abandoned children,
nobody's toys
drowned in the summer
like silent words,
like head over heels.
i'm falling asleep,
and again, long ago,
when it used to be warm,
you're close, not far away at all,
but you're forgetting,
i'm melting with spring
and going away
in my emptiness.
come hell, come high water,
fluidly slow, but stale in passing,
i can drown myself like unwanted kittens.
like your eyes in the distance,
like your hair in the spring and
like forgotten tears and fears,
how many unwanted kitten
have i already drowned?
i don't regret what i've decided,
don't regret what happened before,
but your songs are still playing;
this is horrible.
call me and, please, believe.
call me and say all those words that are eating you alive every night,
i know, you're just like me and i never sleep at all.
call me on my phone and call me names as much as you want,
you didn't forget me,
i didn't let go of you, either,
years when we lived together are like a strange force
pulling me close to you. still,
i lied that i have moved cities,
every night running away from the bar,
i pass by your house,
i stop in my tracks,
i rehearse what i wanted to say
and leave to my place again.
i'm truly sorry that you found yourself an immortal soul as a lover,
and i knew love is no longer allowed,
didn't i promise myself to choke all my feelings as soon as i possibly can?
apparently i was wrong.
again.
and again.
but if i'm being honest,
just a little bit,
i have tried my best.