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In the rush of concerts Muti barely had time to pay attention to anything beyond routine. But it was fine, because she genuinely hadn't felt sick, vague nausea cropping up on occasion but even that had been days ago at this point. Manila? Was fine, expected comments about her body, but she succesfully tuned out the mean ones and just scrolled over the profiles of fans who adored her softer tummy and were extremely enthousiastic about her wearing a "bra".
She let out a giggle and then looked at the person next to her, who was stretching wearing nothing but tiny shorts and an oversized shirt. "Rui?"
"Yeah?"
"They're disappointed we sometimes wear other tops underneath the Namilia stuff…"
Rui smiled and grabbed Muti's phone, pushing against her a bit and ignoring Muti's slight "ouch" as she did in between laughter. Rui's eyes enlarged as she stared at the comments, that outed curiosity about the collarbones and pecs and ribs they must be hiding beneath. She liked being sexy, but some of those "tops" were the peak of uselessness and they couldn't risk complete nipslips and wardrobe malfunctions.
"Evols are horny hu…"
"Not as horny as Haru…" Muti smirked when she whispered the words to herself.
Rui looked up at Muti. "Hold up, is that why we're being roomies now? But half the time you're all aroused on a casual tuesday morning…Girl, pick a side."
Muti sighed and laid down on the bed, her oversized sleep tee draping off her shoulder and her left hand softly cradling her icky feeling tummy.
"My body keeps feeling… Odd. Not sick, I can function totally fine… Just odd," she then admitted.
"Haru notices, even if they ignore it in the moment they will be concerned afterwards, and Haru will tell Hyun, and Hyun will be totally concerned and-"
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I am afraid it has to do with the hormones? We've known something is weird. It was all so slow for months and now…" she gestured at the still small, but changing daily mounts on her chest and noticed how the legholes of her boxershorts cut into her thighs slightly. "I always take good care of my health… You know… but this, I don't wanna be told to stop. Our fans - the good fans - they… Love it. I love it. I've been thinking of posting something official, even… And if I go to the doctor… And they tell me it's all off… I just thought you'd understand a bit better. It's so scary, all the changes, but be told to do something different, something else, or to stop… It's even scarier."
Rui offered her a slight smile. She sometimes considered it too, but then she had one of her days she felt like a prince instead of a princess and was concerned hormones would influence her marvelous strength and shoved the idea to the side. But with Muti she had an example. Muti whose skin softened and whose muscles became slighter, in lieu of more fat that went to her breasts and hips and thighs. Muti whose hormones made it hard to get it up one day and made her unable to concentrate on anything but her member's bodies the next. Muti who has been binging some evenings and the next morning had an emotional outburst out of guilt. At least, they all chalked it up to hormones, what else would it be? And it was a lot, it weighed on them, too much that Rui herself was not ready for and likely never would.
"Also I feel a bit bloated. Must've eaten something wrong. Scared of having an accident."
"Well that wouldn't surprise me… How many of the backstage snacks did you nibble on?"
Muti, well aware her eating habits hadn't been up too par the last few weeks, gave Rui a total death stare. Her girlfriend quickly took her words back and repaired the damage.
"You look gorgeous. Evols love how you're a bit soft remember? You just said it yourself."
She guessed so. But all she could think of right now was Rui's cutesy face when she had looked angry and how warm and nice her body felt against hers, her broad shoulders hugging her in consolation as she started sniffling and the soft pillowy lips against her forehead.
"You just needed me hu? You needed your butterfly?"
"Ye-Yes," Muti gasped between sobs.
"But you look beautiful, don't let your hormonal moods or the internet or the mirror tell you otherwise. Bodies change, think about your pretty titties, ok?" at this Rui cupped them slightly and looked down to give one of the mounts a soft kiss, crawled even closer, pushed her torso into Muti's and let her hand sink into the top of Muti's buttcheek.
"No don't-"
Rui tilted her head in surprise.
"You're too close-oh fuck. Undress, now-"
Rui was completely bewildered at first, but when she felt a bump against her, figured that Muti's mood had made a full switch again. So sensitive lately.
"Oh - am sorry I-"
"Fuck me-"
"I really don't feel like it right now-"
"Me neither until a minute ago - finger me, jerk me off, something-"
"I-"
Rui's plans: talk each other to sleep, sleep, breakfast, plane to Santiago. But her stupidly sensitive dick and mind was aroused as well and there's nothing they could do now. Post concert-exhaustion be damned, unless…
"Phone,"
"Why just grind against me or something."
Rui managed to grab it back herself, muttered she definitely will do said grinding, went to their personal groupchat, and laid the phone on the bed.
"Sit up jiejie."
When the exhausted, confused Muti didn't immediately react Rui picked her up and propped her up on her knees herself, lowered Muti's and her own underwear, and laid the phone between their knees. She clicked the "videocall" button and right as she did started pushing against Muti, whose gasps and moans betrayed her need and she slumped. Only held up by Rui who was determined to get her girlfriend what she needed.
In the other room, Hyun was reading, and Haru was playing a phonegame.
"We should go to sleep, travel time and then another concert," Hyun proposed, right as they both got a notification.
"Oh, Muti and Rui-unnie are calling us - Woah-"
He recognized the fabric of their pyjamashirts, other than that it was his sexual experience with them that gave them a clue what he was looking at. Balls, buttcheeks and two rockhard cocks feverishly frotting. Moans that blended together and a clear need for action, but grinding against each other was maybe the only thing they felt up for right now.
When he looked to the side he saw Haru light up red and semi-unconsciously navigate their hand inside their sweatpants. "That's… Really hot," the maknae muttered in between heavy breathing. It affected Hyun too and if it wasn't for his observant eyes he would've dragged Haru off the bed, pushed open the door and invaded the barbiez' room.
"Muti's vein is even throbbier than usual… And doesn't her asshole look weird?"
"Hyung I don't give a fuck…"
Hyun gave Haru a frustrated poke and pointed at Muti's undersides.
"She looks weirdly moist."
Haru just shrugged, face becoming even redder with the closer look and their eyes consistently wandered to the cocks grinding against each other. "Maybe she didn't dry of well after a shower… Or they already fingered and used watery lube… Can we please just go to their room already?"
Recognizing the energetic twenty year old's hungry eyes Hyun didn't have the heart to tell he really wanted to go to sleep, but the thought of knowing what would be going on there… With a sigh they stood up, grabbed some necessities and wandered to the other room.
That had not been a good idea. The moment they were turned on it was always hard to switch the button back off, until they just couldn't anymore due to pure exhaustion. They were already tired so that didn't take long… But still required some effort that they couldn't really afford during nearly back-to-back concerts. Muti got over her feverish hornyness quickly enough with Haru's "where do they get the energy from?"- unbridled enthusiasm, unprepped - which worked somehow, but due to the speed and roughness she'd shuffle and ache on her planeseat either way.
Rui and Hyun decided to just touch other, pleasuring each other's sensitive bits but even that felt slightly strenious with their long days. Her one orgasm didn't take long and nor did Hyun's and they quickly were out of steam and just cuddled with the others until Muti fell asleep, when Hyun sweetly kissed Rui goodbye with a peck on her forehead and dragged Haru back with them to their room.
They were visibly tired in Santiago, all feeling a bit sore, They roomied in the usual way again with just cuddling. Or even less, as Muti kindly asked Haru to be careful with her and not hug her too tight. "It hurts a bit right now," as an excuse. But then came Sao Paulo where everything was surprisingly fine with no issues.
And then home again, for a couple days. The break was too long to go straight from Sao Paulo to Melbourne so they just went home, practiced for the comeback, and giggled over comeback theories as the first media was released and fans saw everything as a hint. And a lot of discussions on Muti.
"When do you think she will release a statement? It's obvious…"
"Some fans need to stop thinking idols owe them personal information!"
"Please she has boobs and has gained weight."
"Have I…? Maybe they just mean the fat distribution…? I will make a statement when we win next month evol…"
"NOONA!"
She looked up at Hyun's voice.
"We're watching a movie, you coming?!"
She stood up, was dizzy for a second, stood up properly and joined Haru and Hyun watching an action comedy Haru picked and Rui aimlessly scrolling on her phone.
Wumuti stood in front of the couch for a second and bluntly asked: "Am I getting chubby?"
Rui nearly choked on her glass of water and the other two stared at her like she had just proclaimed her name is Purplebug Cinnamon. It was Hyun who organised their mind to say something first.
"You were stick thin not long ago so "chubby" is a long way off but… You might have gone a bit beyond your feminizing weight gain goals and… What was it you ate this morning? Three servings of kimchi pancakes with chocolate paste, and strawberry milk instead of the ginger tea I made? I am still confused how you got that inside of you…"
"It felt good," Muti just shrugged and nestled herself between Haru and Rui.
"I just have these crazy cravings lately, it's what my body wants, I guess."
"Muti, it's not too late to get to a doctor…"
"We leave for Melbourne tomorrow."
"But…"
"Sydney. Auckland. Practice. Taipei. Practice. Comeback."
"But-"
"I AM FINE! I am not dying! It's just my mind and hormones being a bit messy and-"
"THINGS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MESSY YOU ARE NOT " FINE "!"
Hyun's voice had made the building shiver, Rui and Haru staring with the biggest eyes they could muster at the frustrated Hyun and the shocked Wumuti.
"You… Go to a doctor, please."
Hyun held her hands, pinching her fingers slightly and stared deep into her eyes. "The sudden change in how your body reacts to the HRT… That should've been enough to do more than basic bloodwork. But always busy, you said…But we don't want you to crash or get seriously ill."
Haru, squashed between them, nodded and Rui gave Wumuti an encouraging backpat.
Still, she refused.
"I am not crashing. Not dying. I will just deal with these dumb cravings and my moodyness… It might be a bit harder but I'll just deal with mean comments... The moment it gets worse, I will do something. But my nausea disappeared, so the rest of my body will settle too. I hope. Deal?"
She didn't make sense, everyone knew she didn't make sense, but she knew what she wanted and that was: work. Concerts, comeback showcases, then they would see. And there was nothing they could do, so the other three admitted defeat.
Not that she didn't know. She felt weirder by the day; her body, while not too dissimilar or unexpected on the outside, felt odd. A bad odd. Not due to her incoming curves; those she adored, it was wildly different from the stints of gender dysphoria she had felt her whole life. Instead it was something internal, something fighting for attention within her.
At hotel buffets she ate whatever she felt like, and when she was hungry and they had time she also ordered whatever felt right. Going for dinner with Rui, easily eating as much as them which made the ballet dancer look up with curiosity throughout clean up, and still stare at her as they put on their sleep clothes, and her not unexpected foodbaby-bloating.
"What? I was hungry. My brain is just hardwired to eat lately. You know that."
Rui didn't say much.
"We've been dancing for hours everyday and skip meals due to time… I can binge on takeout dumplings and still fit into all our outfits perfectly fine the next day."
"It's not that, it's just still so unusual. You still sure it's just the hormones being messier than expected?"
"No," Muti thought, but at the fear of the unknown as to what else it could be, she nodded confidently. "It's recommended all over the internet to eat well when you're on E…Women have a higher fat percentage, you know."
"I guess… "
"Have you been checking social media?" Wumuti interrupted her thought as distraction.
"The comeback theories, they're funny," she continued, and nudged Rui to go sit on the beds.
Rui logged in and checked the alerts she usually follows: XLOV news accounts, some bigger accounts of fans they secretly found very fun, and so forth.
"They love your heels," Rui chuckled. "Both our outfits - oh, look, even Haru is getting called sexy lots,"
"As they should!" Muti said, and Rui couldn't help but giggle.
"Yet…No roomies this night?"
"Show tomorrow…You can control yourself a bit better around me."
Rui frowned. Maybe he was just more ashamed and better at hiding it when her cock twitched when they saw Muti prance around in underwear and be in a towelwrap after her shower.
"Well, you won't just jump me or grab me and before I know it I have to perform with a sore ass or back pain."
Rui teasingly rolled her eyes and continued scrolling.
"They loved yesterday's look too… Yours, with the hood and the wavy lock, ethereal priestess…"
"Oh, they won't know what's coming for them then."
Rui kept scrolling through some fansites's pretty pictures of them, then scrolling down to past concerts and performances, seeing Muti change back at hyperspeed. Her chest in Hong Kong, barely a month ago, was practically flat compared to now, when Muti opted more and more to always wear some sort of bralette or shelf bra if she could help it. Weren't they planning to rewear the Hongkong outfits…Well, the top is stretchy and the pants baggy.
Deciding they'd seen enough they put down their phones, continued chatting about the upcoming comeback and the hopes and dreams it held for them. Completely perplexed, they were, shocked by how far they had come in little over a year. But their dreams were endless and a music show win would mean everything, knowing how hard it would be to win they jokingly prepared thank you speeches and posts and discussed back and forth about what and what not to say in it.
"If it happens you can start calling me Muti noona or unnie in public," Wumuti said as one last note, before her eyes couldn't help but close.
As calm and relatively controlled she had felt the night before, it all went away after the concert.
Haru and Rui proposed to film several challenges together, something silly with six-seven Haru had come accross and Rui found it funny as well. Muti could hardly say no to their cute pleading faces. Only Hyun shrugged at it, not really "getting" it yet and secretly hoping the trend would fizzle out before they made sense of its appeal. Then Rui left to film her own thing, and Haru and Wumuti were left to their own.
"I saw this other thing… A mix of redred and miniskirt," she told Haru.
She showed them the video, knowing they had already practised redred's choreo in their spare time, and her part was easy as well: flirtatiously prancing around Haru playing with the padded fabric half-skirt she had on, getting into an ill-timed mood seeing them confidently dance next to her in the bathroom, while she swung her narrow hips and smiled at the camera, looking like candy up for grabs. Even though they were both perfectly professionally focused on the skit and the camera, tension was amplified by post-concert adrenaline, impulse-causing tiredness and the way Haru looked less twink-like than usual in their tight tank and cropped jacket while Muti's snug bodysuit showed every curve of muscle and flesh.
"That looks good enough…"
"Finally," Haru exclaimed and squeezed her waist. "Haru-"
"I miss you," they pouted at her.
"We need to travel tomorrow, airplane-"
"We're used to airplane seats aren't we?"
She started to sense how Haru's waistgrab made her inside tense up again as sensitive as she was lately, and also how she had been sucking in whenever she could that day because her foodbaby hadn't gone away, and how her chest ached a bit, and then how her dick twitched as Haru's jacket slipped of their shoulder again. They stood close, massaging their hands into her skin and she started blushing over their brief, played sexy confidence they could muster when it meant seducing her.
They slumped a bit against her, their flirting having gone back to begging. They let their hands travel over her body, cupped her small breast for a bit and kiss-whispered sweet nothings to her ear. Her breathing hitched while they did and she slowblinked as an answer.
"Fuck it," she suddenly said and nearly fell down on her knees, mumbled something like "If you still need some prep-" and opened their trousers and pulled everything down.
She immediately took their semi-hard dick into her mouth and without a care in the world let her tongue lap rounds around the tip, feeling it harden in record time and slurping up the appearing sticky precum as she went.
She didn't hear Haru's gasps and slight moans and ignored how they fell back against the wall. All she cared about at the moment was their dick, and how her own strained against her trousers, and how bloated she felt and how she felt like humping the tile floor while she licked along their length, tickled their slit and continued to suck and lick without rhyme or reason along their length, licking their balls while she tugged at their cock, completely mindless while she herself grabbed her own straining groin with its wet spots and desperately filled her mouth with Haru, feeling their full thickness strain her mouth, clamping her lips around it to drag along their length while her tongue went to town on the underside.
Their breathing became quicker and heavier and they slumped even more leaning against the wall. Haru's dick had been fully hard by the time she licked every inch of it a second time and they groaned so loud that the other two must be wondering what was going on, maybe Rui had sneaked back into the room by now to get her stuff and swap it with Haru's luggage, knowing that a room switch was in order.
"Muti I'll cum," they mumbled. She hadn't heard it all zoned out but felt quick enough how they released right as she was the closest to deepthroating anyone she had been in months. "You're tasty," she mumbled during her breathing pause, only to continue while their continuous cum fell down from the corners of her mouth and she spread their own release all over their groin area, biting slightly, licking with her face full of cum and spit, her own hands wandering all over out of control. Her own balls, her own chest, their buttcheeks - mouth and tongue and hands went to every body part within their reach.
"Muti-"
Her sucking halted for a second and she looked up, with Haru looking down at her like she was a poor, disheveled looking stray kitten. Their cum was spread around her face as if said kitten had overenthousiastically drank milk for the first time in eons. It even bedazzled her hair and bodysuit, the wet sheer spot revealing her somewhat dark and swollen nipple.
Haru kneeled down as well, grabbing her at the waist and pushing their body against hers before she could say a word. She almost choked on the sperm that still filled her mouth, as she moaned when Haru massaged her butt, grinded against her and sucked through the dirty bodysuit on her breast.
Wumuti filled her lungs before she let the air escape in quick bursts, with her half-closed eyelids thrilling from arousal. Haru was first to see how her clean, white pants were fighting her erection going in whatever direction it could find and a few minutes later they were wet, painted with cum from the inside.
"You just…came," Haru stated.
While they were shocked and remembered how she had been even more reactive in Bangkok two months ago, she sighed and blissfully smiled. "Roll off of me sweetie," she whispered in the sweetest voice, so they did.
"Do you want me to help you-"
"yes…Is there a bath? Otherwise shower…Ugh my extensions and nails and…"
"Let's lay down on the tiles for a minute…I'll help you."
There was a bath. Their hotels had been getting fancier. Haru managed to get up and pulled Muti up as well, straining with her feeling heavier than before, helped her get all the goodies off and when she was finally undressed with her hair semi-undone ran a bad and helped her in. They hadn't even fucked yet she seemed like a complete mess of a ragdoll.
They stepped in as well, only to see how she had dozed off already surrounded by bubbles.
Haru didn't like being a snitch, but they had promised their Hyungs. "If Muti acts weird, tell us, so we all know when she acts really weird and we need to warn staff and the boss and get her to a hospital."
They supposed this counted as weird. After struggling with getting Wumuti out and somehow managing to get her onto the bed, they went to the other room and reported.
Wumuti knew, she barely remembered that evening due to her annoying brain fog but she knew by how Hyun and Rui were extra worried and asked to carry everything for her, how they ran over the practice and social schedules for next week, noted everything down an extra time, brought her her drinks, just shrugged at this point when she binged on backstage snacks and her jeans strained a bit under her foodbaby, which Muti herself shrugged off with "it's just temporary, they fit."
Once back home they got into practice & last bits of filming routine and Muti didn't do anything noteworthy except for dozing off the moment work was done and eat her weird food choices of jam-kimchi and chocolate-kimchi pancake and adding soy sauce to yoghurt that made everyone stare at her with mild disgust. She tuned in, taking every chance she had to rest.
Honestly, they all avoided her a little in a way. Acting more like caretakers than colleagues and lovers half of the time, until Muti hadn't done anything concerning for a bit and their hearts won once again.
In Taiwan Wumuti succeeded at doing all the performance duties, and locked in to be herself on stage. The way performing always energized her had to be studied. But afterwards, she still took every chance she had to rest. Being guided through the notions of travel and work by staff as much as during the busiest, most exhausting moments of the Europe tour.
After they came back there was barely a week left; a busy week, spent finishing up odd ends and bits until she fell asleep or got distracted.
Such as doomscrolling, reading theories and ideas, quickly scrolling past the stuff that fulfilled her with annoyance and disgust, and going to the right profiles to ease her nerves.
The others side-eyed her when they saw her scroll social media again.
"Noona, maybe you shouldn't."
Muti just shrugged. "It's fine. This evol makes slomo fancams and calls me hot all the time… She loves my curves. Has been freaking out over my boobs too. And my lovehandles. Doesn't even mind my tummy… Seems to love it actually."
The other three shared a look and a shrug, went on to do their own thing, and tried really hard to ignore Wumuti wriggling around on the couch trying to find a position that would make her feel less achy as the intense last days of practice had made her rather sore.
Until she sighed. "Can someone give me a massage?"
Hyun moved to sit behind her immediately, mentally noting down the "Saturday evening - backache."
Yet, a minute or two later: "Can someone get me some icecream…And hot sauce? Haru is there some of yours left?"
So Hyun also noted down: "Wants to eat icecream with hot sauce at 11 in the evening."
The whirlwind of the next days was amazing. An award that cheered them up and made them hopeful for the comeback, a showcase that was cheered on - and then the busiest time started. Performances and fansigns nearly day in day out. And gosh where they happy that Muti was aware of her tiredness and brainfog and immediately shared everything she knew and delegated things.
They went to sleep, ate breakfast, left for a schedule, came home, ate a late night snack with Muti's choices still being frowned upon, played a game or watched some tv until they became aware they'd have only six hours left to sleep and did so. The rare spare moments were filled with fittings for the outfits for future performances and organising the to-be-posted short form content.
And that was only the first week.
"We're on a show tomorrow we could actually win..." Hyun said out of nowhere, going through their journal and seeing the calendar again.
Wumuti nodded.
"We should go to sleep to perform well."
She sighed in response. "I don't wanna get up…"
Hyun giggled at her lazy behaviour. She'd been nipping at wine all evening - nobody could stop her - reminiscing about how great wine icecream would be and happy that Haru and Rui had already gone to sleep, roomsharing again for once, or there'd be even more people judging her. Hyun had stayed up as well, to catch up on some notes but also wanting to keep an eye on her. "Sleeping on the couch will wreck your back, we can't have that."
Muti nodded, propped the half-empty bottle on the table, and felt slightly dizzy when she stood up, barely in time caught by Hyun.
"M-Muti, you okay?" Hyun asked, carefully putting her back on the couch. She weighed more than before and they briefly lost their balance, pushing into the ragdollesque Muti.
"Auwch-"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to-" he shaked a bit again trying to control where Muti's limbs went and when pushing his hand on her to refind balance, pushed into her tummy. "Aah!" she gasped at once. Hyun was perplexed at the almost moany gasp. "Don't - push into my tummy-"
"Did it hurt?"
"F-fine."
"I'll carry you to the bedroom, okay?"
He picked her up again and princesscarried the leader to her room. There he carefully laid her down on her bed, sitting down next to her for a bit. "Again, sorry for earlier…You were a bit hard to handle, your limbs flying everywhere."
Hyun carefully stroke along her body, pausing halfway to briefly hold their hand on her tense midsection.
"Don't touch it - arouses me," Muti snapped at them, groaning slightly as they did so again anyway. It was utterly fascinating how lately, her tummy had been a bit of an erogenous zone to her - any pressure, even just slightly, made a button switch.
"Muti, I know we've said it a thousand times but - you promise that you'll tell us if you feel worse, right? And after the shows are over, we're going on a break right? You need it."
"NoIneedyou," she mumbled back.
Hyun shook his head in confusion.
"Youtouchedmetoomuchwannafuck?"
Hyun's sigh couldn't have been deeper.
"We have a show tomorrow… We have to get up in five hours… I trust that the music show atmosphere will perk you up, but we can't take any chances by tiring you out more."
Her boba-like round eyes stared at them with intensity. She seductively twirled a lock of bleach blonde hair around her finger, her other hand playing with the waistband of her bulge-filled shorts.
"You're so cute when you're trying to be responsible… Fuck me..Please," she begged, looking almost as pathetic as the first time she had asked that.
……………………………
"Fuck me, please," he begged. Umuti's heavylidded, round, pleading eyes were framed by bushy eyebrows and slightly hidden behind bangs. Very dark brown, a tinge of chestnut away from pitchblack like his own. They were also red. He had cried, Jinhyung had cried. They had both cried.
Wumuti had done a lot of crying lately, that damned winter when he realized it couldn't go on like this. A few days before, Jinhyung had gotten a panicky phonecall and even if Umut hadn't asked, he would've invited them right away.
"Yes, you can stay over. In my dorms."
"Th-thank you, but don't put in too much effort I almost didn't dare to ask-"
"No, no. You sound like you cannot be left alone right now."
Mature for his age. Curiously intelligent, wise, quiet and reserved but louder than anyone and the funniest in the room with the rare right person. That's what everyone always said about him, and he hoped dearly that his loudness and endearing attitude could fix whatever Umut had going on. So early that evening, Umut stood on the outside of his dorm, and together they started walking. First to the bus stop, quietly sharing the knowledge that whatever they wanted to talk about couldn't be done on a full bus, and finally arriving in a park on the edge of Seoul. It was midwinter and getting rather dark.
They walked around Naksan park, hiking up a set of long stairs until they arrived at a sighting spot with a nice views over the city. Umut Sighed, but from his expression Jinhyung could tell it wasn't from exhaustion.
"So..What's up? Your call surprised me honestly, I thought you were a trainee and about to redebut again? What happened to that?"
As if it was a command Umuti burst out in tears, shivering and leaning over the stone barrier as they did.
He didn't know what to say. Umuti looked so weak and frail in that moment, shivering in the wintercold as they hung onto the stone with tears endlessly streaming down their face with no explanation. Clueless as to what to say they just stood next to their friend, giving some pats on Umuti's narrow back, making their presence clear as a possible shoulder to cry on.
They were both looking over to the city and the starry sky. "Hey, look, the light pollution isn't as bad here," Jinhyung stated, as a means to distract their friend. Their cries were softening a bit and they looked over as well.
"A falling star! You can make a wish!" Jinhyung jokingly added, knowing damn well it likely was just some sattelite.
But Wumuti looked at the "star", intensively, softly mouthing a couple of words before tears welled up in their eyes again.
It took a few moments for Jinhyung to decide if they should ask.
"What did you wish for?"
Wumuti looked up at their tall, younger friend. Jinhyung half expected a snarky "I am not supposed to tell," but he looked defeated instead. Just completely defeated.
"Did something happen with the group?"
At this Umuti shrugged and immediately let out a deep sigh.
"The group wasn't for me."
Was the first sensible sentence they had said in what felt like an eternity.
"They need talent, and you're the most talented person I know!"
"I didn't fit. I never fit."
Wumuti said this so matter-of-factly that it almost seemed like truth. And while their gut instinct was to exclaim "NONSENSE!" it made sense on second thought. Perfect sense.
"I just am not like those boys. So… Boyish. I don't like those styles and those choreographies and those songs and…I just don't fit in."
"Ah…"
Jinhyun didn't know what to say, but they understood why Umuti's gut instinct had been to call them, specifically. They never talked about it before, but they knew, unconsciously.
"I understand," is what ended up leaving his mouth. What felt like an hour of awkward silence later.
"You understand that…That I, just now, wished I wasn't born a boy?"
Jinhying swallowed when he heard the explicit words, but he saw it coming. Wumuti had always had something about them that made him look twice. Small mannerisms, tastes and likes. Eyes lingering when they walked past girl's clothing stores not because the model in the ad looked hot, but because their body lined up with the mannequin so they could briefly imagine wearing it. Things they said or did only to look down quickly with a completely changed mood.
"The group… What we were being told to be and act like… I just can't do it. Maybe for a year. But not for two, three, four… Let alone seven. I just don't see myself like that…"
Tears were welling up in their eyes again and Jinghying came closer to get over their own touch averseness and embrace Wumuti, taking note of how much they were trembling in this cold while their face was burning up.
"I really do understand. Why do you think I've been struggling?"
Wumuti looked up. With their height Hyun automatically looked masculine to most people, and being only nineteen there was a chance they would grow a couple more centimeters. But they knew from the moment they met that he wasn't like the other guys, beyond cute shyness. When they at some point talked about a boy they had a crush on for eternity Wumuti had figured that part out, but still. Their own unconscious queerdar kept spinning.
"I guess you could at least pull off being a slightly more moderate group's token feminine twink," Jinhyung added with a giggle. "But people take on look at me and go "Oh, that's a manly man. A strong tall guy. Period, not thinking beyond that. Just put into a box called "dude" and left there to rot. It's…Tiring. Do this, that, look like this… What if I don't want to starve myself so my abs always show? What if I don't want to avoid the sun just because I might tan? What if I want to wear sparkly eyeshadow and sing about boys and…" they became teary-eyed themself.
Wumuti lowered their eyes and nodded.
"I don't like boxes. Never did. It's not even that I want to be a full on girl…That's just another box… Sometimes maybe? Or not all of it? Girl-y? I don't know yet…Just not only a boy."
"Well I think you'd make a very cute non-boy."
For the first time in a while, Wumuti smiled, but was immediately taken over by another shiver.
"Let's go. You're freezing."
Before they started walking Wumuti tightened their arms around Jinhyung once again.
"Thank you for being here," she mumbled, and then started walking down the steps.
Once home, they dressed down into comfy, cozy clothes and Hyun fought with the air mattress. "Unless you wanna sleep in my bed," he laughed, to which Muti didn't say anything.
"Do you have something alcoholic?"
"Muti, I've just turned nineteen."
"Yeah, last summer. Nothing? Not even beer? I don't like beer but right now…"
"My body is a temple," they answered again with slight concern.
"Did you find that in one of the selfhelp books you started reading?" Wumuti was just teasing and Jinhyung knew, but the concern over Wumuti first calling them crying, then trembling on top of a hill in the cold telling him highly personal doubts and now determined to get drunk…Who of the two was still a teenager, exactly?
Muti started walking around the room and opened every cupboard. "Aha! Wine!" they exclaimed, grabbing the thing without doubt.
"Hey that's my moms…" Muti was already looking for something to open it, and to their surprise Hyun had a corkscrew.
"It's for parties. People like me when I bring useful stuff-"
…And Wumuti was drinking.
"Let's play a game," Jinhyung proposed, and before Muti could say anything they dove under their bed to dig up a dusty box of some boardgame. They carefully took away the bottle from the distracted Wumuti and opened the box, spilling the different stones to collect over the blanket and taking out the character's cards.
"I'll be the queen," Wumuti said immediately. Jinhyung smirked.
It distracted. It distracted from the storms that formed in their minds, as much as possible. Wumuti was still drinking and with how long the game took, was slowly emptying the bottle all on her own. She giggled and teased Jinhyung for adjusting their glasses, in full concentration strategizing their next step only to quiet down and keep staring at their face, their thick black hair and the way she could see their pecs when they leaned forward and the loose pyjamashirt hung down.
"You're so cute when you focus," she whispered, but they didn't hear.
They ruffled through their hair, thinking, seeing those big hands swiftly and nimble weave between the locks made Wumuti imagine what they could do to them, their mind spoiled by the wine.
"Is something wrong?" Jinhyung asked when they heard them gasp and wriggle on the bed. "Stomachache? Hungry? Oh it's already past nine - I have microwave noodles, or should we order something bigger? You're so thin anyway-"
"No…Fuck me please."
……….
"Wumuti, please… We have a show tomorrow…You're tired, I'm tired…"
"I'll wake up Haru…"
"What?" Hyun immediately grabbed her hand. "Let them sleep! They need it!"
Wumuti shook her head. "Right…Show tomorrow…I'll do it myself then," she mumbled in herself and opened her sidetable only to reveal that she always had one of the most painful looking dildo's Hyun had ever seen on standby.
"No!" they said again, grabbed her arm before she could take the monstrous piece of rubber and pinned her down on the bed.
"Please…It hurts too much… I need…"
Hyun stared at her in disbelief. Being horny wasn't supposed to hurt, yet here they were.
"Okay…Can I?" he asked and she nodded quickly.
"First, lube- Where is it?"
Wumuti shuffled to shrug.
"Don't need it."
"Everyone needs lube, even painsluts like you."
They dug deeper into the drawer and found a bottle, opened it and coated their fingers in it before Muti could object.
"I'll start with one finger,"
"Four."
Hyun gave her a deadpan look and started with two, keeping her pinned down when starting to ease their fingers inside.
Good it were only two, because she felt tight. Swollen? It was easy to find her prostate because they swore it was larger than they remembered…Then again, it was ages since he fingered her. The very rare moments they had sex often were when Muti seemed… Less fragile, and they let her attack.
She also felt like she was bloated, but he'd know if she had to go to the toilet. And slick. He needed less lube than expected to ease themself inside.
Either way, they started massaging her prostate like she had demanded and was happy to see her defeated silence turn into moans.
"Good, you're doing good," he assured her.
"My…"
Hyun saw her fingers point at it and they manoeuvred her briefs to let her cock have some relief, which was already twitching fervently.
"You're doing great," they said again, drawing closer to her whimpering lips and half closed eyes, careful to make their hand stay at a comfortable angle.
"Not everyone manages to lead a kpop group and tour and practices and films for a comeback and does back to back music shows when they're sick. That's not something most people can handle. But you do."
"Not sick…" she mumbled.
"Yes, yes you are. You don't feel right. You don't act right… You're so exhausted everyone can tell. Your body is doing exhausting things…Fighting something nasty I think. So let us lead you, ok? We're old and experienced enough, ok? Even Haru. Even sensitive Rui. You can just sit back and just dance and sing and then go for a nap again, okay? I know I can't keep you from doing music shows until you faint or worse, but we can make it easier for you. We can scream at camerapeople, we can make last minute simple decisions… You just sit back, please."
She nodded. "Ok," Hyun heard, in the smallest voice.
To Hyun's surprise, she did what he asked. She stayed away from every responsibility she didn't have to take on, only being leader when needed, even more so than during the last leg of the tour. Her usual perky, energetic, strongwilled, talented self when it mattered - but the behind the scenes footage would contain a lot of Wumuti napping or sipping on some tea, with pillows propped behind her and snacks and drinks brought to her by her members.
"Wumuti-opp-unnie?"
She softly woke up. It was the beginning of the third comeback week, and she hadn't started to feel any better. Maybe worse, even, after a couple of times they didn't properly sleep for fourty hours.
She looked at the shy, young girlgroup member, from a smaller company as well, freshly debuted. Minor domestic popularity. "Yes?"
"I…Really admire you, I love your style…And you're so pretty… My managar says it is okay to do a swap challenge with you. Would you like to? Do you know my song already? Maybe Rui can also participate?"
Rui had just come in and enthusiastically nodded, and Muti equally locked into comeback activities. "Yes, your song is cute. We learn quickly, in the hall?"
The girl nodded and Muti stood up, seeing black before her eyes briefly but pushing through.
She was watching their choreo an extra time when walking through the hall, thinking of ways to make it easier to learn in the brief time they had, feeling her attention slip away continuously but trying to stay clearheaded.
…
"Muti! Jiě jie, are you okay?"
Rui was pressed against her, holding her up as she was slipping away against the wall.
"W…What?"
"You were completely gone for a couple seconds…"
Muti looked around. Her phone was on the floor and the debuted teenage girl stared in horror.
Rui saw Muti stare at the girl, smiled at her, and in accented korean said it wouldn't be for today. The poor thing immediately nodded apologetically and ran off. "Let's get you something energizing, and back to the couch."
"We're up in an hour!"
"Yes, so save your energy, you workaholic."
Another thing for Hyun's notebook, Rui noted, as if her lover wasn't busy enough with all his disciplinistic endaveours and needing to be the sensible one.
She gladly drank the coca cola Rui brought her, and nibbled on salty crackers and grapes. And the performance was…Fine, maybe her movements weren't quite as sharp, focused or strong as usual, but the others knew and distracted by giving it their all. Hoping the girl wasn't telling "XLOV Wumuti fainted" around.
By this time, whatever staffmember hadn't noticed just didn't spend time with them. Mr. Park was shoving around with some schedules for extra publicity activities as the comeback performances passed by, the hair & make-up noonas just shrugged when Wumuti napped in the chair, knowing by now what she wants and even then Wumuti didn't bother commenting too much, and Jeyoun asked about five hundred times whether everything was comfortable, lest sensory issues made matters worse.
"No, it's fine, you altered it well, the seams are nicely finished," Wumuti verified after putting on her croptop, and then moved on to the trousers and harness when Jeyoun helped another member.
The trousers were snug. She knew that. She always knew that they were going to be trousers that gave her the lovehandles a lot of sapphic evols - and Haru - love on her. But they closed, they fitted, she could dance and jump in them with little irritation, totally fine.
Recently everything had felt snugger. She knew she had been gaining some weight, whether it be from stress or her cravings or hormones, but everything still closed and felt all right.
But this time, no matter how much she tried to suck in, how hard she pulled, the zipper and button were not cooperating. She sucked it again, mumbling "Close you fucking trousers," again as she did, got afraid of tearing the fabric, let loose and took a good look in the mirror.
Muti knew she had boobs: they were still small, very perky, but even thicker sweatshirts showed some contour. She had always had relatively full thighs and a butt, and her feminizing hormones and weight gain had started to enhance that.
But the belly was new. She could suck in, and it was still portruding slightly. She poked it, and it didn't even feel like fat. It felt like she was bloated, but what she had eaten for breakfast and the night before didn't make any sense with that.
"Look at my outfit!" Rui approached her and Muti jerked her head towards her girlfriend. Rui looked stunning, broadshouldered and lean. Then she was stopped in her tracks looking at Muti.
"You…"
"Trousers don't fit."
"I can see why."
Muti shook her head and gestured Rui to come closer. "Poke me."
"What?"
"Poke my tummy, feel it."
Rui did as commanded, softly palpating Muti's tummy ignoring the leader's groans as she did. "It's… Hard. Not hard-hard but like… Not squishy. Tight, like a balloon. But you ate so light this morning and last night…" She kept touching her friend, "And that's a bit hard too," she pointed slightly more downwards.
"Just ignore… You know I've been sensitive lately."
Rui nodded. "Should I call the others? Manager?"
"Just Jeyoun, maybe she can cut into the pants and add some elastic… We woke up at three am for a reason, maybe there's still time enough for an emergency alteration."
"This isn't normal…"
"As if I don't know!" Muti gave Rui a stern look and the dancer looked down instantly. "Just…I am so scared…What if it is something…Bad? We have free tomorrow, maybe then I have time to think but…Let's get through today."
Rui nodded again and called the stylist. A wonderously skilled person, who managed to cut open the side seam, add some elastic and covered up the whole situation with chunky belts. Worked as distracting as well.
Muti danced, felt odd, but sang and danced. It was the third week, everything became pure muscle memory. But she wouldn't check social media that night.
She shared latenight dinner with Rui and Haru in awkward silence. She knew of their "pact" to note and tell each other everything, and Wumuti was sure there was a notebook on her between Hyun's other studies and journals and notes. They were right. She hadn't been able to admit it two months ago but every worry had been right. And know she was concerned about this growth in her lower abdomen and was terrified of what it could mean.
"I'll wash up and go to sleep," she mumbled.
"Maybe a message for the fans? I've seen social media, they seemed concerned."
"Don't feel like it," Muti mumbled again and walked off, leaving the other two perplexed about their always-doing-pr-and-locked-in leader being so nonchalant.
They were cleaning up when they suddenly heard a thump coming from the bathroom. Haru and Rui shared one panicked glance and immediately started running, finding Muti unconscious on the bath mat.
"MUTI!" Rui screamed, slapping her a bit to wake her up, while Haru called Hyun while holding up Muti's legs.
Muti gained some consciousness again, but it didn't matter. Rui had grabbed her phone and was frantically calling the chauffeur and Mr. Park. "Muti fainted already acted odd yes fainted-fainted just bam on the floor she was totally out it's so scary, should we go to the hospital? She should go to the hospital right? She's been off for a while now, this isn't normal, but what if she gets recognized? Oh…"
"Rui, Rui-"
She felt Hyun's arm around her and they took over the phone. "Sorry, Rui is panicking…Yes, Wumuti's awake now, sort of… Ambulance or the van? Should we stay casual or try to look a bit incognito? What? Of course we're coming with her…Yes, I know emergency can be long hours…Only one of us?"
They looked at Rui and Haru, mouthing "only one of us can go with her," and they both gestured back towards them. "I'll go with Wumuti. Ambulance? Ok, ambulance. You are calling them already? With the instruction to be quiet near the dorms? You're fixing a room at the hospital?"
After receiving all the instructions Hyun laid down the phone. "Ambulance will be here as soon as possible, let's hide some idol-y things and you two should hide out in the rooms when the paramedics arrive."
Hopefully, the paramedics weren't into kpop.
When they arrived they immediately took the still-dizzy-Wumuti's vitals, pulled her onto the brancard making her grunt and mumble, and Hyun followed, giving Ruruz a quick thumbs up through the crack in the door.
Hyun got with a paramedic and the brancard in the back of the ambulance, sirens went on once they were out of the street and the paramedic got out a checklist.
"She's stable. Still weak but stable. Can I ask you some questions?"
"Yeah…" Hyun mumbled, staring at her eerily pale face.
"She eats well?"
"Yes, very well…The- I was doing the dishes and she was about to shower."
"She's…Trans, right?"
"Yes, that's the word. Why?"
"Just confirming… Any other odd symptoms lately?"
The company likely demanded priority, Hyun realized. Questions now so they were already out of the way.
"Euhm…General exhaustion. Bloating? But might be other reasons. Likes weird food combo's. But we think it's just the hormones."
"Legal hormones, right?"
"Of course," he answered again, getting annoyed that this seemed so important to the paramedic.
"Anything else?"
"She's just been really tired lately, and moody. And with some brainfog. Just generally a bit off. We thought we'd let it be.. Until she fainted. She never does that, takes supplements, tries to be healthy…Our sleep schedule could be better but we have a busy lifestyle."
"I see…" The paramedic noted, having concluded long ago she must be talking to an idol.
"Hey?" she then asked the semi-conscious Wumuti. "I will check some things, do you mind? I will have to draw blood and look at your body a bit."
Muti shrugged.
First she drew blood, so a sample could go to the lab immediately, and then lifted up Muti's shirt to inspect the "bloated" the assumed boyfriend had described.
She saw what they meant: the girl's soft layer of fat was stretched tight over her slightly portruding lower abdomen, which felt slightly hard to the touch. Not quite solid, but still firm. She ignored the groaning and moaning but was silently thinking of some diagnoses.
"We're here,"
The other paramedic helped the brancard out, and they were rushed to the room the company had reserved.
It was an hour later, some doctors had come in, checking on her bodily condition and inspecting the "bloating", telling the blood sample was being thoroughly checked.
"Her file says she has bloodwork done regularly, but we're being very thorough now," they told Hyun, who kept staring at the weak body and messaging the others for updates. The manager had arrived too, discussing further privacy requirements and making the doctors and nurses sign some confidentiality statements.
A bit later, a doctor came in, Hyun and the manager looking up immediately. Wumuti was asleep.
"The bloodwork has finished. We've found something."
Even Wumuti woke up from her slumber and sat up a bit.
"We've found…hCG. Often called the pregnancy hormone. In… Male individuals," he started, doubting about how to word things, "This usually only appears when someone…Has… testicular cancer."
Everyone looked pale and greyed out, all the color disappearing from Wumuti's skin.
"Based on the growth in your abdomen, we think the cancer has developed quite far, metastasized and affected more organs."
"I…" Wumuti stared right ahead and gripped her tummy now that this fear that she considered had been realized.
"I'm so sorry… But it can be healed, don't worry. You won't be able to work for a long time, and it might have long-term effects, but… It can be healed with treatment."
Wumuti laid down again to take it all in.
"How sure are you?" she asked quietly.
"You're being scheduled for a CT scan to confirm it's spread, growth and the stage."
"Make it quick," the manager added.
"Sir, we're trying. This is a real emergency now."
Then he turned to the shocked, quiet Hyun. "It's good you were so concerned. Every day counts at this stage."
Hyun just shrugged, not wanting to tell the others yet. Everyone stayed awkwardly quiet while tears strolled down Muti's eyes.
At least there was good news. The ct-scan room wasn't too busy that night, and the appointment was quick. Wumuti was given the IV-liquid, was brought to the ct scan with Hyun right behind, while the manager kept making endless calls with every higher up who'd need to know.
"Did you send Rui and Haru anything about…This?" Wumuti asked on the way.
"Nope," Hyun answered, still an unusually down and quiet version of themself.
"Good."
In the machine. It was scary, Wumuti had never been this sick before. Thorough scans of her body didn't yet exist anywhere. Hyun, also unfamiliar with the procedure, kept holding her thrilling and sweaty hand until the last moment.
"Ok, we're doing the scan now," the doctor said, with Hyun staring at what was happening.
The appearing images were immediately shown to the radiologist, whose eyes tightly narrowed when they got to the problematic spot, paying attention to the spread and size of the expected tumor.
It wasn't a tumor. As the images appeared and gave a proper, full view, they immediately took an even closer look at the screen, trying to detangle the tiny bodyparts into something that…Wasn't that.
But the images weren't lying. They were loud and clear. "Impossible," the radiologist mouthed, and immediately commanded to halt the scan and made the other doctor's come over. "Look," they said, and pointed at the shape and tiny bones in the lower abdomen.
"That's a…" the original doctor mused, looked at Muti's chart, looked over at the concerned assumed boyfriend staring at the patient who looked around, confused, still strapped to the machinery.
"That makes no sense."
"The machine doesn't lie."
"It also doesn't lie about their other organs…"
"It would make more sense with the symptoms the partner described."
They emergency-rang the gyneacology department.
"Is something wrong?" Hyun asked in the meantime. "Can you unstrap her?"
"Yes please," Wumuti quietly mouthed.
Waiting for a gyneacologist to arrive they let Muti of the scanning bed and without any demand brought her something to drink and eat. "Euhm, thank you?"
"Don't worry, you're fine, we're just waiting for someone else to look at the scan. Eat up, you will need it."
Leaning on Hyun's shoulder she ate the snack and kept an eye on the door.
"I think this is good news?" she apprehensively asked. "Or worse?"
"I don't know. I'll tell the others we still don't know."
A bit later another lab-coated hasty older woman arrived. Neither of them caught what department the namecard said. "What's up?"
"Look at the scan."
"What's the issue? Didn't you ask her beforehand? Always ask."
"Look at everything going on down there."
"Oh that's…But… " she traced the tiny skull and bones shown in the rounded shape filled with fluid, and the cilinder-shaped external organ right below.
"I've read about this," she then said. The other two stared in surprise. "You have?"
"It's rare. Very rare. Usually hidden due to social acceptance and most people who have it don't even know. But it is a thing. I know a specialist, the one whose paper I read. Seeing how far along she is… They won't hesitate to come over as soon as possible."
They all nodded.
"Let's get them back to her room. Tell her to rest, all she needs right now after all the stress."
After being hauled back to the room they were more confused than ever. The manager argued with the diagnostic doctor, demanding an explanation, but she couldn't say anything.
"They will be fine, but we're waiting for a specialist to arrive."
"A specialist?"
"Again, she will be fine. Don't stress."
"I need to know what to cancel, she has a busy job."
"We understand sir… Just wait. Tomorrow morning the specialist will arrive."
The manager grunted and walked out to make more calls. Then he turned to the two young people. Hyun was nodding off with their head leaning over to Muti's mattress while she was sleeping again. He woke them.
"I don't know if you've heard, but a specialist who can tell you more will arrive tomorrow morning. It's three in the morning, you should go home for a bit to sleep."
"I can sleep here."
He grinned. "You could get some clean clothes for her, tell her family if there's anyone that she is going to be fine-"
"What is fine?" interrupted Muti, awake again.
"Fine. You just need to take good care of yourself. We are unable to explain more, not our specialty."
They were both annoyed at how mysterious the hospital staff were acting, planning to hold them to the promise of knowing everything tomorrow morning.
Then he turned back to Hyun. "If you have any documentation of her symptoms and health of the past months - get it too."
Hyun nodded and went with the manager, back an hour later with Wumuti's favourite sweats, her phone, earbuds, and their "Muti being weird" journal to give the doctor. The rest of the night was spend awake-non-wake, interrupted with a videocall from Haru and Rui who were even more confused, worried, and annoyed that the company was scared of accidental leaks if all of them walked around the hospital.
"Oh, sweetie… What's going on with you?" they murmured to the once again sleeping Muti. Looking so frail and sweet and doll-like.
………………
"What's going on with you?"
Umuti kept staring from behind their brown bangs. "You're hot…I wanna have sex with you."
Jinhyung was confused. "You're drunk."
"So what? My feelings are real."
He stared at their drunk friend, who started pouting. "I'm not your type? Or do you prefer being fucked?"
"I don't know?"
"Oh," she chuckled. "Sorry, you're so hot… I almost forgot you're also shy and unexperienced. So… Can I be your first?"
Jinhyung wasn't sure what to say, but slowly nodded.
"I have experience… At least enough… Can I?"
Heat was bubbling up inside them at the idea and they…They weren't disinterested in Wumuti, just scared and unsure.
It was already going to be a long night anyway. And it had to happen one day. So they nodded again, and immediately felt Wumuti's hand under their shirt and waistband.
"Oh you're twitching already," she whispered, letting her hand grab their slightly aroused dick. A moan immediately escaped Jinhyung after she tugged at it. Blood was leaving other places and going there in record speed. The only hand to have touched it since puberty was their own, and feeling Umuti's fine, flexible fingers around it was a whole new experience.
"Oh…Oh wow it's growing so much," she kept whispering as their dick hardened. "Not that I care… Even if you were laughable disproportional I'd love it."
Jinhyung turned red in the face and nodded at seeing Wumuti's double-lidded eyes come closer. "Can I kiss you?" she asked, still shoving her grip up and down their dick. "You can touch mine too."
He did, lowering her pants to touch her at the same time as she let her lips touch theirs. Soft lips that smelled like cherries. He couldn't help but leaving her dick for what it was to cup her small face and they opened their mouth slightly. "Have you kissed before?" she asked. "That I have," Jinhyung chuckled.
And she felt it. When their tongues entered each other's mouth it felt like a fresh cocktail on a hot summer evening, a hot chocolate on a freezing winter night. They essentially massaged the inside of each other's mouths and she suspected they had done more than "kissed before," they were prepared, had practiced on and apple or their hand or looked up tutorials or however an ambitious, disciplined and hopeful nineteen year old would prepare for sensual first kisses.
"You can-" she grabbed their hand and made them slip past her buttcheek. "Finger me a bit-"
"Don't you need to... Douche or something?"
"Don't feel like it… Are you scared of me?" she smiled and he couldn't say he was, but thought of the next step and still briefly halted to open a drawer under their bed. It was full of shiny, square packs saying xl. She stared in shock."You-"
"I am a young and living in dorms and people find me hot, I wanted to be prepared."
"I don't like those. Besides, you're a virgin and I'm in a dry spell-"
"Nope, safety first," they chuckled. Muti pouted at first but their discipline is what she loved so much, so her mood immediately changed. She took the package from him, opened it and slipped the condom around their dick. It was throbbing and her eyes watered from their sexual hunger. She let the lube drip out on their fingers and pulled their hand behind her again to coat her hole, and pushed one of their fingers in again. "I love how big your hands are," she whispered in their kiss, "Less fingers needed to loosen me up."
Her own dick was throbbing as much as theirs. She rubbed hers against it with her hand barely able to hold both, moving it up and down until it couldn't get any harder.
"I'm ready," she mouthed. "I like pain", preventively added to object to the "You're barely prepped."
"If you like pain I like it," they smiled back. This gave her crazier ideas.
"Do you have a sewing kit?"
Jinhyung's face became the human version of a questionmark. "In that drawer maybe… I barely use it…"
With her lubed up naked bottom she jumped off the bed and dug into the drawer, found a needle set and took one. Then sat on top of Jinhyung, grinding her ass against their dick and took the perplexed boy's hand. "Just a couple pricks," she giggled, and Jinhyung let her do, seeing slightly stinging red bubbles of blood appear on their fingers. Then she grabbed their dick to guide it inside her, gasping as it did, and she sucked on their fingers, coating her shiny lips in their blood. She was a menace and looked it, staring down the perplexed Jinhyung as she melodically moved her body riding them. "If you're only demand is to use a condom…"
"You're too pretty to tell no otherwise," they answered hypnotized.
"…I love it."
She closed her eyes in orgasmic pleasure as she kept riding them, reddened saliva dripping from her mouth. Hyun barely registered the sensations in their body, just staring at her in pure fascination.
………
They kept thinking back to that insane night, their first time. It was crazy. She was crazy. Crazy enough to stamp a new concept out of the ground. Crazy enough to always do her own thing and go her way, fighting all the adversity and prejudice. Crazy enough to move thousands of kilometers to a strange country in her late teens, discover a great many things about herself far away from her family and go for her dreams.
Crazy enough to acquire a mysterious condition that made doctors go "She's fine," yet also call up hard to find specialists.
With that in mind, Hyun finally properly fell asleep in the visitor's chair.
"Wake up," a voice straining a bit to be higher-pitched said and he saw Muti's cute face when they opened their eyes. She was standing up, seemingly cheerful. "The nurse kept an eye on me when I showered and brought me breakfast - and you. Didn't wanna wake you up."
"What time is it…?"
"Nine, they said that "specialist" will arrive soon. Eat, you must be exhausted being so worried for me last night."
She seemed enthousiastic. Tired, but enthousiastic. She clearly got over last night's bad spell. Hyun noticed how her breakfast plate was finished to the last crumb and how her "bloated" tummy was visible in the drapy sweater they had brought.
"They said we will likely be able to go home afterwards," she added. "I told the nurse to make it gluten free and to include enough vegetables and fruit," she added once again.
She was being leader-like, on top of things, and Hyun smiled seeing her like that.
With their worries settled down and starving from all the stress they attacked breakfast. By the time they were done a nurse came in again telling the specialist had arrived and installed himself. "Come with me."
They were guided through the hospital. It was the first time since the chaotic night that they could take a good look. The company had somehow managed to get them to a relatively luxurious place, knowing damn well that "leader of trendy renewing XLOV they just bought" was one of the main assets deserving of attention and care. Staring around at the bustling place full of hasty nurses they didn't register being guided into the gyneacology department, and into a spare, mostly bare office with a pacing, very nervous middle-aged man whose eyes doubled in size when they walked in.
"Please, sit down. I'm dr. Yun, I'm very pleased to meet you."
Wumuti and Hyun shared a look in confusion at how happy he seemed to meet them. They shrugged and sat down.
"So, do you know by now? What it is you have?"
"No," Muti answered, "But you seem eager to tell me."
"I wasn't sure at first, I couldn't believe it - the mutation is extremely rare, 1 in 10 million - though it has been getting more common and it's hard to estimate anyway - but I got the scans and from the diary you kept,"
he looked at Hyun, who looked away in shame with a reassuring "I figured it a couple weeks ago," from Muti to end it.
"…It all adds up perfectly."
"So? What are you talking about? What's so rare?"
Dr. Yun took a deep breath. "You're pregnant."
Wumuti started laughing. "This is a joke. I can't be!"
He sighed, but she continued. "I know I look a bit confusing nowadays but… I don't have those parts. I'm born male, my ID still says it, I have a dick and balls and if I weren't gay as fuck I would be getting others pregnant. I… Can't."
Hyun was shocked and stared at the rambling Muti and the mildly annoyed doctor. "Muti-noona let the doctor speak-"
"Thank you," he interrupted. " I understand your reaction, but I am serious. All your symptoms - including fatique enhanced by your "lifestyle" and low blood pressure - everthing is right. And we saw it on the scan. You have a very rare mutation. You have two sets of fully functional genitals - a uterus and ovaries stuffed between your rectum and bladder. A canal connects your uterus with your rectum, closed to keep danger outside unless you're aroused."
"You're telling me I'm intersex?"
"Yes and no. It's complicated. It's… We haven't fully figured it out yet. Alternative male biology. While you are free to identify how you want and identifying as intersex wouldn't be wrong as it is extremely varied itself and the experience can be similar, in the medical world intersex is defined as people who are born with sex traits that don’t fit into typical male or female patterns. Yours do, for the most part. There cannot have been any doubt when you were assigned male at birth and your male sex organs are fully functional and as socially expected if it wasn't for the estrogen you're taking. You just have an extra add-on, completely separate and different from female anatomy. Your uterus and ovaries are not like those of someone assigned female at birth. Nature decided more variety was needed. Overall more research is needed and it's up to you what you identify as."
Muti frowned a bit but thought to understand.
"There is also research some women have something going on that goes the other way. We're not even sure how rare it is. It's invisible on the outside- it only becomes known when the person has a detailed scan of their genital area, or… When they're gay, have unprotected sex during their fertile week and end up pregnant. Until the last twenty years most cases ended up in miscarriages due to lack of awareness. There is a lot of research left to do, you see. But my brother has it and it fascinates me, so much that I decided to make it my field of research."
She still had to process everything. Her hand wandered down to her tummy, trying to feel the movement and life in it. "So everything…"
"Your breasts, hips widening, the cravings… It's not your HRT. It's your body getting ready to birth and feed a baby."
With one hand glued to her tummy the other wandered to the unexpected breasts she had come to love. Dr. Yun saw.
"Unless you continue with a higher dose of HRT, those will disappear after breastfeeding."
"Oh…"
"Which is great for the cis men who have it. After all, this condition has nothing to do with you gender and sexuality. My brother is a grey t-shirts and jeans wearing dude who goes to sport matches in his spare time and he works as an engineer. He had sex with a man exactly once. It doesn't say anything about you except for what your body is medically able to do. I understand you're confused right now but… You still are who you are, this doesn't invalidate any of your experiences. All it means is that you can get pregnant."
She nodded. She was indeed confused, but hearing it doesn't make her any less trans or erase her twenty-six years of genderconditioning and frustrating awareness of being a "boy" according to her genitals and ID calmed her down a bit. "It's pure coincidence," she whispered to herself. "I am who I am. With or without a uterus and ovaries."
Hyun was completely quiet. He had to see it with their own eyes, but as far as they knew anything about pregnancy symptoms… It all added up. And she was showing. She wasn't bloated, or gaining weight that all went right there. There had been a baby inside her for several…
"How far along?" they asked.
"Well… I hope for your sake she has been your girlfriend for a while."
Hyun blushed and started feeling guilty about them sitting here, and not Haru. The more likely "father". They and Wumuti hadn't had penetrative sex in…Months.
" Because from what we know, I estimate about four months since conception."
Hyun and Wumuti immediately shared a look when they had done the mental math. It was mid-june. Four months ago was mid-february. Europe tour. Copenhagen. The doctor saw the panic in their eyes.
"Does that…Help you? Can I… Congratulate the young family?"
"I-"
"We-"
"We're in a bit of a polycule and had a foursome four months ago." Wumuti said in one breath.
Dr. Yun let out an enthousiastic gasp. "And you-"
"I…There are three options."
She could see him think "Damn, you're a slut."
But instead he said. "Well, we're not sure. Let's do an echo to take a closer look."
Wumuti still didn't know what to think as she followed the motions of laying down for the echo, hearing the words "The gel might feel cold." and seeing dr. Yun point at the screen. "So, this is the baby. Do you see the contours of the body?"
They both stared at the screen. It was real. It was a tiny head with an even tinier body. It had arms, and legs, it was fully shaped like a baby. Only very small and disproportional. "It's about the size of a beef tomato. It seems my estimate was right. The typical size and development of almost sixteen weeks in fetal age. The earliest born premature birth to end well is 18 weeks of fetal age, did you know?"
"I didn't…"
"But don't worry. You're estimated for early november and the baby seems healthy."
"That's a baby… Wumuti, you have a baby inside you."
"I do…"
Dr. Yun glundered at being thé witness. "I assume you don't care about the baby's genitals?" he joked, and they both immediately shook their head in agreement.
He cleaned off the gel and he continued to discuss, and explain, some symptoms and risks.
"As you may have concluded, it's a bit stuffy down there. Your uterus seems to be tilted a bit to the back, which might give you a lot of backpain in the later months. It also pushes into your prostate - I saw in the diary you've been…Sensitive? That's why. It likely will get worse for a bit every growth spurt the fetus has. You might also feel a lot of pressure on your bladder as time goes on. You will also need to think about the birth. Hormones will likely ensure you're loose enough down there, but it's still a high risk…"
He kept rambling while the words roamed around in her head. Growth spurt. As time goes on. Birth. November. She was stuck like this for months.
"You don't want to abort it, do you?" he asked as he saw her empty stare.
"I… Don't. I've always wanted a baby. Somewhere deep… I never considered possible but I always did. But. I can't appear in public like this… and I have a very public job."
He knew he'd seen those faces before, on some billboards. Maybe his niece - who was secretly birthed by his brother - had shown them before. He could also tell from the tall, tan one's fit physique and perfect skin and their nervosity and the manager nagging at him for explanations - but he insisted on telling the expected parent first - that they were idols.
"Let it sink in and discuss it all with everyone in your life. But please, just think about what you want. Don't worry about leaks and danger. Researchers from all over the world already manage to keep this mutation a medical secret, and I will ensure the same for you. I would even pay you to be my research subject."
At this she nodded. Wumuti and Hyun stood up in silence and said goodbye.
The manager had picked up enough seeing the department they were in and was visibly confused, but didn't say anything. Just got them to the van to drive them home.
Wumuti's hand was glued to her babybump as she crawled in, followed by Hyun who was reaching out to her constantly.
"Hyun, I know this van."
She did, but her hand didn't leave its designated spot and she was far from feeling perfect and plopped down on the seat.
"You can lean on me," Hyun said. She did, resting her head against their shoulder, mumbling "I always do."
Stuck in traffic they started thinking. Because there was a lot to think about.
"How are you going to tell the others? And the company? It's so hard to explain and… What are you even gonna do?"
Wumuti gave him a quick glance of guilt, but also hope, her hand still glued to her tummy and shuffling on her seat from discomfort. "I will need to buy some looser sweatpants I think."
….
Wumuti was fire. A burst of flames that took everything in its path to high heat of progressive ideas and the peak of imagination. She moved, moaned, gripped her hands into their skin in her melodic orgasm and Jinhyung collaborated in fascination.
Fires ultimately burn out.
They had lost track of time and Wumuti's head rested on their chest. Jinhyung didn't know what time it was, what their actual plans had been, and knew they would need a week to process this massive disruption in their schedule.
But Wumuti was there, looking like a delicate, cute, fluffy bunny whose gloriously freaky side had been laid down to rest.
"You were good…", she whispered, "Despite being inexperienced and using a condom."
Jinhyung smirked. "I don't wanna develop bad habits."
"I like the feeling inside me, the…I like it when I can feel the cum inside me. But maybe it's better like this…"
"Am I teaching you good habits?"
Muti chuckled. "It's just… You know how…If my mother and grandparents weren't who they were, hadn't accepted the way I am and raise me to love myself I… I wouldn't be where I am. The idea of taking care of someone…Raising them to be the best version of themself…Seeing them grow and bloom…"
Jinhyung stroke her thick hair as she talked and saw the tears well up in her sparkling brown eyes.
"I always loved to idea of sending on what my mom did for me. But of course, I can't do it with my own child. My fans would be my children. People to look up to me, see me as an example, and we would help each other shine. But that idea isnt very realistic either…"
She shuffled a bit to look Jinhyung in the eyes. "But for cis girls it's easy… So back in the park…I kinda wished to have a baby…"
Jinhyung briefly stopped stroking her hair. "Ridiculous, I know…" She whispered.
He slowly shook his head."Not ridiculous. I think you'd make a great mom. No matter if it's parenting a child or a thousand overly excited fans in a concert venue."
…………
Hyun looked at her and knew she wouldn't abort it, and saw from her face that she was already racking her brain on how to hide it and not ruin everyone's careers.
"We're here," the manager said. He got out the bit of luggage they had with them while Hyun wrapped Wumuti in their arms and together they walked into the dorms' building.
When they opened the door a brief moment later Haru and Rui immediately jumped up. They had been waiting ever since Hyun's message when they left the hospital. A badzillion questions in stressed out worried broken korean immediately raced through the room, making Wumuti's dizzyness come back in a rough wave.
"Calm down!" she shouted as good as she could and Rui and Haru immediately went quiet.
"I"m not sick." she started. Rui looked at her apprehensively.
"I don't have… Some scary tumor or anything."
"So what then. Frankly you look…Off."
She didn't dare to say it outright but after Muti had given up on trying to suck in and kept cradling her small babybump, it was pretty obvious she wasn't a twig anymore.
"Sit down," Wumuti commanded and lead by example, still rubbing her tummy like it contained some precious treasure.
The two stared at her in anticipation. Then Wumuti took a deep sigh, shared a glance with Hyun who sat down as well and finally spoke the words.
"I'm pregnant."
The room trembled with Rui and Haru's sudden movements.