Chapter Text
"Bodhi, I swear if you don't move your kriffing tools out of the way!" Cassian snapped as he and K-2 entered the U-Wing.
"I'm fixing the temperature control. Do you all want to freeze when we get into space?"
"We're already freezing, let the man work." Melshi defended as he climbed down from the cockpit, quickly rubbing his hands together.
"Can't he work without leaving tripping hazards everywhere?" Cassian asked.
Bodhi rolled his eyes. "You can all just watch where you're stepping."
Jyn climbed into the ship wearing her white cold-weather gear, only ripping her hood down once she closed the ship ramp.
She could immediately sense the tension in the air.
"What's going on now?"
"Cassian is bitching about order and cleanliness." Melshi teased. Completely ignoring the death glare his friend shot him.
"Is it so hard to pick up after yourselves?" Cassian said through clenched teeth.
"You never yell when Jyn leaves her weapons around!" Bodhi challenged.
"I don't leave my weapons around!" Jyn said, almost offended.
She did tend to take them all out at once when they needed cleaning, but she didn't do it that often.
"Besides, he absolutely does yell at me. I just ignore it. You should do the same." Jyn offered. Giving Cassian a smug smirk when his eyes drift over to her.
"We should all ignore our dear commanding officer and let Rook finish the kriffing temp controls. I already freeze my ass off on this ice planet, I refuse to freeze in space too!" Melshi laments before stalking off towards one of the flight chairs.
Cassian stares at Jyn and Bodhi, the latter immediately turning to finish up his tinkering.
Jyn shrugs while giving him a playful smirk that Cassian absolutely does not read into, despite how it makes his stomach flutter.
Before either could respond, K-2SO spoke up in his own form of defense for Cassian.
"Statistically speaking, both Bodhi Rook and Jyn Erso are the most disorganized members within our team. If it weren't for Cassian's orders, the two of you would lose a lot of your equipment seventy-six percent of the time. Additionally, it is not possible for me to ignore Cassian. My primary protocol is to keep him safe. Although an added part of my protocol is to keep-"
"That's enough, Kay! Get up to the cockpit and start pre-checks." Cassian snaps.
Jyn gives him and Kay a wary look but moves to help Bodhi finish up.
Cassian turned away to follow after K-2 and start the U-Wing.
Safely away from the others and their earshot, Kay immediately turns to him.
"Why did you interrupt me? I was simply going to inform them that my new protocol could allow me to ignore you if I had to keep an eye on Jyn Erso."
"That's why I stopped you, Kay." He clipped.
Kay's white orbs flashed as if he were analyzing something. Which he most likely was.
"Do you not wish anyone to know that I am now programmed to keep Jyn Erso safe alongside you? That might not be a good idea to keep to yourself."
Cassian sighs, "I'm not keeping it to myself, I'm just..." He doesn't actually know how to finish that sentence.
Ever since their rag-tag crew managed to escape Scarif with the Death Star plans, Cassian's first visceral memory of the aftermath was waking up in the medical clinic on Yavin IV and seeing Jyn's unconscious body lying in the bed opposite him.
She was certainly better off than him, given that he needed a full reconstruction on his back after his exceedingly bad fall, but he didn't think of any of that in that moment. His thoughts all swirled around Jyn, and when she would wake up.
When she would give him that flash of her green eyes, and speak to him with that hint of defiance that seemed to always be present in her voice.
When she did wake up, all he could think about during their many shared hours of physical therapy and group hangouts in the mess hall or training rooms was what would happen the next time she was in danger. The next time, she recklessly threw herself into the line of fire as she did on Jedha.
The next time, she would be lying on a medical cot, unconscious.
At the time, the thought worried him. Now, despite his absolute trust in Jyn, those kinds of thoughts shook him to his core. He couldn't allow it. She was too important.
To their team, that is. Not just to Cassian, of course, Jyn was important to everyone.
At least that's what he told himself when he asked Kay to update his protocol to keep Jyn as a safety priority. And that's what he keeps telling himself every time he keeps tabs on her and spends the majority of his off time around her.
Not that she seemed to mind. In fact, Jyn often sought him out during her downtime as well, and Cassian did his best not to read into it too much.
Jyn was his partner now. She, Melshi, Bodhi, Baze, Chirrut, and Kay were all a fully functioning team within The Rebellion. It made sense for them to spend time together and bond.
There was nothing else there between them but a close-knit friendship.
At least, that's what Cassian was telling himself.
"Jyn is not overly cautious when it comes to her well-being, and she usually pushes back on people...making a fuss over her. She shouldn't know about your updates right now."
"Statistically, I agree with part of your assessment, but if she ever finds out, it is a high likelihood that she will try to maim you in some horrendous way. Then I will have to decide between keeping you safe while using non-lethal methods against Jyn Erso." Kay said without emotion.
Cassian groaned. "Don't worry about Jyn attacking me, Kay. I promise I can handle that."
"Based on my numerous analyses of the way she fights, I doubt that."
When Bodhi yelled an all clear up to the cockpit, Cassian and Kay worked the switches, bringing the plane to life and pulling away from Hoth and towards their mission destination.
○●○
Thirty-six hours in hyperspace used to be relatively boring for Cassian.
In the past, he often read reports from his datapad or tried to ignore input from Kay and his analytics.
Now, there was life in the ship, in the form of his friends and teammates.
"OK, am I a sentient or a droid?" Melshi asked, taking a swig out of a flask that Cassian could only hope wasn't that fermented jet fuel Bodhi passed off as alcohol.
The last time they drank it, it left them all with a three-day-long hangover, and everyone trying to figure out detailed ways to end Bodhi's life.
"Sentient," Jyn responded as she stared at the card sticking to Melshi's forehead.
Cassian watched the two playing their guessing game as he sat beside Jyn, having switched with Bodhi in the cockpit.
"Am I from a warm climate?" Jyn asks, turning to Cassian to show off the card on her forehead.
Ewok was etched across hers.
"Oi! No cheating!"
"I'm not! I asked you the question." Jyn defended. Leaning away from Cassian as she waits for Melshi's response.
Cassian looks at his card and has to bite back a laugh.
Kleya Marki was etched across his friend's forehead.
"Seriously?" He whispered.
Jyn moved to playfully nudge his side. "Shut up!"
"Yes, you are from a rather humid climate," Melshi says. His eyes darted between the two of them with suspicion.
"Am I a human?" Melshi asks.
Jyn pretends to think, and Cassian once again tries to hide his smile behind his passive spy mask.
"Hard to say," Jyn says.
A chuckle finally did escape.
"What are you two on about? What does the card say?"
"Hey, no cheating!" Jyn snaps back, though her voice was clearly humorous.
It warmed Cassian's heart to watch all of this.
"Fine, fine, it's your go then."
Jyn bites her lip, a gesture that Cassian immediately zeros in on. He knows it's because she is in deep thought, but it stirs something inside him and brings his entire attention towards her.
Not that that was a hard thing to do. Cassian had always felt drawn to Jyn. Even when they first met. It was unexplainable at the time; he could admit that Jyn is a beautiful woman, her eyes were one of the most alluring things about her, but it was more than that. It wasn't a physical attraction, at least that's what he told himself, but it was something...
Cassian leans close towards Jyn and not so subtly whispers, "ask if you live on a planet or a moon."
"Seriously, Andor! Why are you helping her? I'm your best friend!"
Jyn giggles.
"Don't let Kay hear you say that. He might try to take you out." Cassian jokes.
Melshi rolls his eyes, waving the very notion away with his hand.
"He won't take me out if he could see how partial you are to Erso over here."
Cassian stills, his ears were slightly burning, and he could see a nefarious glint in Melshi's eye.
"Cassian isn't partial to me. He's my friend, same as you." Jyn counters, though Melshi scoffs at her assessment.
"I could name at least ten guys back at base who would just love to be friends with you, Erso."
Cassian swiftly kicked Melshi's shin; the man flinched in pain but let out a satisfied chuckle.
Cassian saw where this conversation was headed, and he most certainly didn't approve.
Though Jyn didn't seem to pick up on that. Or if she did, she didn't care.
"What are you talking about?"
Cassian glared at Melshi.
"You know Captain Erves, right?"
"The shuttle pilot?"
"Fighter pilot, actually! He talks about you a great deal. I think he asked Bodhi to put in a good word for him until-"
Cassian's leg swings of its own accord, and this time Melshi had to lean down to rub the pain away with a scrunched-up face.
Jyn turned to Cassian, clearly picking up on what just happened.
"Did you just kick him?"
Cassian kept his face neutral, but decided not to look Jyn in the eyes.
"He most certainly did! You should set him straight, Erso! It's absolutely absurd his behavior!"
Cassian rolled his eyes.
"And why did you kick Melshi?" She asked, leaning over to try and get him to look at her.
Since when did she get so close? Cassian could smell the soap she used, tickle his nose.
It was a rather pleasant sc-
Nope. Nope. Get off that topic.
"He knows why." Cassian almost growls as he pulls out his data pad and effectively shuts down the subject.
Jyn knows him well enough now to not push him, and Cassian knows her well enough to expect her to press the issue as soon as Melshi was out of earshot.
Instead, she turns back to the man in question and simply carries on with their game.
"Am I from a moon?"
Melshi rolls his eyes, clearly upset about his tactics being thwarted. That was something Cassian would also have to deal with when Jyn wasn't around.
"Yes....am I a wookie?"
Jyn burst out laughing, and Cassian couldn't help his own laugh from escaping his lips as well.
○●○
With twenty more hours left on their flight, Cassian feels his eyes growing heavy.
Bodhi had spent the first half of the flight asleep so that he and Cassian could switch out in the pilot seat.
Cassian should be sleeping right now, but he had gotten caught up with a specific report from Draven he didn't have a chance to review before they left.
He was paying for that decision as he struggled to keep his eyes focused on his data pad.
When his eyelids began to close of their own accord, he felt a small pressure poke at the skin of his cheek. Immediately rousing him awake again and looking up to see Jyn standing over him.
"You're going to fall into that data pad unless you come lay down." Her voice was low, and Cassian could see that she had stripped off her white coat and changed into a simple blue blouse and vest.
Cassian rubbed his eyes, as if trying to rub away the thoughts of how the blue made Jyn's eyes glow in the soft lighting of the ship.
Instead, he glanced around, noticing that Melshi was snoring softly in one of the only two bunks that were fitted on the ship.
When all six members of Rogue One traveled together, most took turns sharing the bunks, although everyone always left one open for Jyn.
Cassian stood up and moved towards the flight seats. Three of them were pressed together and long enough for him to sleep on, at least for a solid three hours, before his back would start to ache.
"You can sleep in my bunk," Jyn whispered.
Cassian snapped his head towards her. Not really sure if he actually heard her correctly.
"Where are you going to sleep?"
Jyn shrugged, "in the bunk, obviously."
He raised his eyebrow. A plethora of questions formed in his head.
"Don't look at me like that. It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before."
She had him there.
Months ago, multiple rooms on Hoth lost heat, and no one could sleep in said rooms unless they wanted to commit suicide via hypothermia.
Jyn's room was one of them, and she had opted not only to hide that fact but also to try and sleep in this very U-Wing until the problem was fixed. A fact that Cassian caught onto after the first night she did it, and he practically dragged her to his room to sleep.
Of course, when the heat was finally fixed, Jyn did go back to her own room, but on occasion, she wandered into Cassian's room from time to time. At first, claiming she wanted to take advantage of the extra blankets he had, but later admitted that she had been having nightmares about their time on Scarif, and they had stopped when she slept beside him.
Cassian needed no further explanation, or an excuse for that matter, since he more than enjoyed letting Jyn sleep next to him.
Of course, nothing ever happened; Cassian knows Jyn only sees him as a friend. An incredibly close friend, but a friend, nonetheless. Their sleeping together was purely out of necessity, and mild comfort given that Hoth was unbearably cold and their body heat was beneficial for both of them.
Only beneficial, though. Nothing more. There could never be anything more between them.
"If you're sure."
Despite his hesitation about someone seeing them, namely Melshi, Cassian didn't have the strength or the willpower to argue.
Jyn moved towards the bunks, sliding in first and shifting far back into the durasteel wall to allow Cassian enough room to lie down.
The bunks were incredibly small, and Cassian had to shift close to Jyn to ensure he wouldn't tumble out of the bed.
He hesitated, moving his arms, not wanting to assume any particular position, but Jyn was having none of it.
"Here, lift your arm." Cassian does as he's told, and Jyn moves to lie against his chest. Dropping his arm behind her.
"I know your back would kill you if you didn't move your arm." She said it so simply, but this situation was anything but simple.
Jyn was snuggled up against him, her head resting on his chest, her arm lying across his stomach, and the warmth that radiated from her body was all too intoxicating.
"Uhm..thanks. You're uhm...you're right." Cassian wanted to kick himself. He normally held quite the suave demeanor around practically everyone, particularly the opposite sex, but around Jyn, he felt himself floundering for responses.
"You feel tense." She murmured.
Cassian let out a heavy sigh, doing his best to try to let his body relax.
"Guess I've been a bit stressed lately, plus I am concerned about this mission."
"What is there to be concerned about? We are just confirming some information and possibly taking out a small imperial cell. Should be pretty standard."
"Well, there is you for one thing."
Jyn raised her head to look at him more clearly.
"Me?"
"Don't play dumb, Jyn, you know how you are on a mission."
"You mean competent?" Her voice held a mix of sarcasm and annoyance.
"I mean reckless. You always dive headfirst into a fight. You need to be careful."
She rolls her eyes, "says the man who took a blaster shot to the shoulder while we were on Hosnian Prime."
"That was different! You got held up by that kriffing gang member!"
"Yeah, so what? Does that mean you're the only one who gets to do whatever you want in the line of fire?"
Cassian rubbed his forehead in frustration. She had a point, and that's what irritated him. He hated when Jyn put herself in danger without a second thought, but he was hardly innocent on that front.
There have been a few times during their missions when Cassian has unnecessarily put himself between Jyn and danger.
It was almost second nature to him at this point.
"That's not the same Jyn." He finally said. Moving his other arm to wrap tightly, almost possessively, around her waist.
The gesture didn't seem as unwelcome to her as his excuse did. "Why?"
Cassian sighed, turning his head down to see that she was looking up at him. Her bright green eyes were immediately disarming, and for a split second, Cassian forgot how to breathe.
Here, in the quiet of the ship, snuggled up together, lying so close together, Cassian felt his entire resolve breaking.
His eyes flicked down to her lips, and for a moment he felt himself being drawn into her orbit.
For a moment, that tiny voice in his head began screaming at him. Tell her.
Cassian held strong, despite how difficult that was to do. His body was screaming to react to her. To pull her close and whisper his feelings in her ear. To capture those lips of hers and kiss her like there was no tomorrow.
To just admit to what he is refusing to even admit to himself. Those three words that he just can't say, even when he is holding her in his arms, even when he is face to face with her. Getting lost in those eyes of hers.
Tell her.
"It just is." Was all he could manage.
Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes and put an end to the topic that threatened to break him.
He felt Jyn's head rest against his chest again, and even though she was quiet, Cassian knew her thoughts were racing a mile a minute.
The same as his, though Cassian was certain it wasn't for the same reason.
○●○
Unlike Jyn's light touch to his cheek, Melshi isn't nearly as delicate when he flicks Cassian's ear to wake him up.
If it wasn't for Jyn's weight still delightfully heavy on his chest, he would have reared up and punched him solely on reflex.
"Steady on, Andor, Bodhi says we've got ten hours left. Figured you'd want to wake up and overanalyze our strategy again."
Cassian groaned but immediately stifled it as he felt Jyn stir against him.
He held his breath, hoping they didn't wake her. Much like himself, Jyn didn't always get a good night's sleep, so the longer she rested, the better Cassian felt.
When she didn't move, Cassian slowly eased out of the bunk and left Jyn lying against the pillow.
He immediately missed her warmth, but he quickly pushed that thought down after catching Melshi's smug grin.
Cassian walked further away from Jyn, heading to check the message system to ensure Draven didn't send them an encoded message.
"So, you gonna apologize for kicking me? Twice, I may add."
Cassian kept his back to Melshi, but still responded, "you deserved it."
"For what? Informing our Jyn that she's got suitors waiting patiently for you to back off of her?"
"Back off?" Cassian asked, swiveling around to meet Melshi's eyes.
That certainly got his attention.
"Oh, c'mon, Cass. You don't expect me to believe that you, in all your espionage knowledge and expertise, haven't heard the rumors going around base. I know you know about the betting pools."
Cassian felt his fist clenching.
Those damn betting pools were innocuous at best, and Cassian himself had money on when Han Solo would finally make a real move on Leia, but knowing about Jyn's position in a few bets irritated him to no end.
Hypocrite, thy name is Major Cassian Andor.
"And I'm sure you know why no one has made any real moves on her. Kind of hard to ask her out when you are standing right next to her with that scowl on your face."
Cassian glares daggers at him.
"Yeah, that's the one." Melshi confirms, "so you gonna say something to her?"
Cassian sighs, moving to lean against the wall of the ship.
"Say what exactly? Jyn is my friend. Nothing more."
Melshi rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that lie may work with everyone else on base, but not with me. I've known you for years, Andor, and I have never seen you act like this."
Cassian raises his eyebrow at his friend while crossing his arms. "Like what?"
"Like Jyn is the reason you keep going. That she is why you didn't lose hope after your back injury. Or that she's literally the only person who can make you crack a smile, let alone laugh. That you depend on her in a fight, even when you constantly worry about her."
"Again, we are just-"
"Don't even try to say the word friends!"
Cassian leans his head back into the wall in utter exasperation.
"You want me to say something, and I am trying to tell you."
"And that's the problem, you don't need to tell me. You need to tell her!"
"Tell her what?" Cassian whispered through clenched teeth. Not wanting to raise his voice and risk waking Jyn up.
"How about, 'I love you' for starters."
Cassian immediately felt his throat go dry.
"I..." Cassian was about to deny it. He was about to claim that tired old saying of "she is just my friend", "she is just my partner", "she is just"....just something other than what she really is to him.
"What are you afraid of if you actually admit it? Not just to her but to yourself?"
What would happen? Did he even know? He had assumptions, or more accurately, fears about what might happen.
Jyn had abandonment issues stemming so far back into her childhood. Cassian knew those issues caused her to run. To flee before someone else could leave her first.
And although he would never hurt her, and he would rather take several vibroblades to the chest than leave her side, he can't help but worry if she may one day leave The Rebellion. Maybe leave him.
Like Bix did.
He was also afraid of what it meant to be this close to someone again. When he continued to keep letting Jyn sleep in his room, they also started opening up to one another. Dark secrets that neither felt comfortable sharing with anyone else nor even repeating outside of his room. They shared their warmth and their scars, and Cassian could never judge her for the things she shared with him, but he did fear she judged him.
Even when she hugged him close, even when she cried alongside him, even when she said he had nothing to be ashamed of, Cassian still held onto this irrational fear that knowing more about him, the real him, would scare her away.
If he admitted to loving her, even if it was just to himself, he would eventually want to say it too. During their secret talks in the night, it might slip out, and it could cause Jyn to run.
He couldn't risk that.
So he refused to say it out loud.
"It's complicated."
Melshi rolled his eyes as his own arms folded in front of him.
"You say that now, but sooner or later, someone is going to catch Jyn's eye. How complicated do you think all of this will be when that happens?"
"Jyn is my friend, I just want her to do whatever makes her happy."
And not leave. Though he didn't bother to add that last part.
"And what if you make her happy?"
Cassian did his best not to react to the way his heart flipped at those words and all the possibilities they held.
"The relationship she and I have....I don't want to ruin anything. Even if there was something there, I can't risk losing this."
That was the best he could say. The best he could admit out loud.
If the day came that Jyn did meet someone else and fall in love, Cassian wouldn't stand in her way.
He would be happy for her. Just like any other friend.
○●○
"Well, that certainly escalated." K-2's ambivalence towards their completed mission was not appreciated by Cassian, who was positively fuming as he pushed the ship into hyperspace.
Once they were surrounded by the swirling blue and white lights of the hyperspace tunnel, Cassian surged out of his seat and raced towards the back of the plane where Jyn was being crowded by Bodhi and Melshi.
"Bodhi, go take over and help Kay!" Cassian almost shouted as he grabbed the Medi kit out of the other pilot's hand.
Cassian was in absolutely no mood to argue, and Bodhi picked up on that fact as he quickly sped off into the cockpit.
Melshi moved out of the way and allowed Cassian access to Jyn, who was pressing down on her abdomen that was currently seeping with blood.
"It's not that bad really, I'm...fine!" Jyn managed to say through the pain.
"Move your hands, Melshi, give her a stim shot," Cassian ordered.
His mannerisms and voice were focused and calculated as Jyn reluctantly lifted half of her top, exposing her open wound.
As soon as he saw the result of the blaster shot she took, Cassian let out a curse in Kenari.
Jyn looked over at him, "it's not that bad! Most of the bleeding has stopped." She defended.
Cassian ignored her comment as he opened a bacta patch and slowly eased it across her wound.
"Melshi, get some cloth. I need to clean around her wound." Cassian ordered, his voice only marginally calmer.
"I am right here, you know."
Cassian didn't respond. He couldn't. He was afraid of what might slip out given his anger.
When she got hit, Cassian only saw red, his vision tunneling as he shot the stormtrooper responsible and sped to Jyn's side, catching her before her head hit the ground.
His heart was racing, and the only thing that kept him semi-grounded was the fact that Jyn didn't pass out.
Now that he and the team had gotten her safely back into the ship, and they made the jump into hyperspace, Cassian had the time to allow his rage to slowly come to the surface, although he was trying his best not to completely go off on her.
"Cassian? Seriously, will you at least look at me?"
"I am looking at you, Jyn." He said, his voice clipped as he stared at her wound and tried to keep the bile from rising in his throat.
"No, you're not, you're staring at my wound, and I keep trying to tell you I'm-"
"Jyn, I swear if you tell me you are fine, I am going to lose it."
The silence that fell between them was tense. Cassian could barely look up at her eyes, and he didn't need to; he knew that she was probably glaring at him.
He rummaged through the Medi kit and retrieved a painkiller shot that Jyn offered her arm to without argument.
After disposing of the needle, Melshi returned with the cloths that Jyn immediately snatched away before Cassian could take them.
"I'll be fine. Thanks, Melshi."
Cassian raised up to look at her, but now she was actively avoiding his gaze. "Jyn, you-"
"I said I'll be fine, and I'd rather not suffer through your terrible bedside manner."
"My terrible bedside manner?"
The anger inside him was spilling out.
"Oh, I'm sorry, if you didn't get that, I was referring to you being an asshole."
"Excuse me!" Had it been anyone else, literally anyone else, Cassian would have flipped shit.
And although he was very used to Jyn's temper, it didn't mean it did not get under his skin. Especially when she was currently gut shot.
"Cassian, seriously, unless you're going to apologize, then I don't want your help."
"Apologize for what? Telling you that I was worried this exact situation would happen? That I've told you to be careful, and like always, you didn't listen?"
"I was helping you! Bodhi and Kay were waiting here on the ship, Melshi was grabbing the data stick, and no one was covering your back! Why else do you think I'm here?"
"You're not here to get yourself killed, Jyn!"
"Do I look dead to you?!"
Cassian pinched his nose, trying his hardest not to completely fly off the handle, but Jyn's last question had him faltering.
She wasn't dead. Logically, he knew that she even had enough energy to spew vitriol at him for simply trying to patch her wounds. But none of those facts calmed him down, and Jyn's anger certainly didn't help.
"Of course you don't, but do you really not think through stuff before you do it?"
Jyn's eyes narrowed, and Cassian felt a stone drop into his stomach.
Wrong choice of words.
Her jaw tensed, the way it usually did when she was either fighting back an exceedingly biting remark or when she was trying not to cry. The thing that wrenched at Cassian's heart was the fact that he honestly didn't know which one it was going to be; he only knew that both were his fault.
"I do think, and I think I am done trying to save your ass every time. Do me a favor, since I am clearly too injured to do anything for myself, walk away!"
Cassian wanted to say something else. To apologize, to yell, and say she didn't understand what he meant. To do anything other than walk away from her right now. Not while she was injured, not while he...wanted to help her.
But there wasn't a point right now. She was too upset, and so was he, and talking while they were angry was a quick way to say things neither would mean when they calmed down.
"Fine," Cassian muttered, stepping around Melshi to retreat into the cockpit.
As he entered, Bodhi was trying a little too hard to not make eye contact with him and stayed decidedly quiet.
K-2, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to the awkwardly tense silence.
"I don't think it was wise to come down on Jyn Erso in her current state. My analysis logs show a statistically higher level of anger within her whenever she-"
"Not now Kay!" Cassian snaps.
The droid gives him a queer look, clearly debating whether it would be in his best interest to keep talking.
The accompanying silence says Kay chose to refrain for now.
"Bodhi," Cassian started before the pilot surged out of his seat.
"Yes, I'll-I'll just uhm...take the second shift then." Bodhi fled from the cockpit as if it were on fire, and Cassian could hear him whispering something to Jyn.
Cassian knew they were probably talking about him and about the fight. The sudden twitch in his heart didn't stem from being talked about behind his back, but from not being talked to at all.
He knew Jyn better than anyone on this ship, and he knew that she was a confrontational sort of person. Always choosing to talk to a person rather than talk about them, and the clear fact that she was outright refusing to discuss the situation with him directly, terrified Cassian to his core.
Even though they were headed back to what Cassian believed to be the coldest planet in the galaxy, Hoth's bitter chill was nothing compared to the cold shoulder he was now receiving from Jyn.
○●○
Returning to Hoth was as miserable as Cassian assumed it would be.
When they landed, Jyn immediately fled from the ship with Bodhi's help and his incessant plea to visit the med bay. Melshi hung back, giving words of slight encouragement mixed with reprimands that Cassian didn't really register.
He left the ship, his mind and his heart begged him to follow Jyn and check on her in the clinic, but he knew it was too soon. They didn't speak the entire trip back, and Cassian knew she still needed time to cool off.
He let her be. Going instead to debrief with General Draven, giving some random orders to K-2, talking about nothing of consequence with a few other intelligence operatives, before he finally, after nearly five hours, found enough courage to go to the med bay.
When he entered, one of the medics looked up from a data pad and seemed to immediately recognize him as she simply pointed down the hallway and said, "Jyn Erso is in room eight."
Cassian would have smirked. Jyn was in and out of the medical clinic, mostly against her will, after almost every mission, and Cassian was always a frequent visitor.
If Jyn were here, it was expected that Cassian would always come to see her. No matter how angry they were at each other.
As he approached, he heard Jyn talking and wondered if Bodhi or Chirrut had come to see her.
He paused when he heard a different voice respond to her.
"You can take a hit like no one else on this base, Erso!"
He knew that voice.
Rounding the corner, but staying just out of sight, Cassian could see someone standing next to Jyn's bed. She was obscured by a curtain, but Cassian could see the figure of Captain Erves clear as day.
"I don't think I'm doing my job correctly if I'm getting gut shot." Her voice was a low whisper, and Cassian could swear it lacked all the fire it normally held.
"Eh, we all are going to have battle scars by the time this war is over. You're still here and still ready to kick ass once you heal up, right?"
Cassian hated how upbeat Erves was. Not only that, but his words did sound pretty encouraging. A lot better than what he was trying to articulate back on the ship.
Still, Jyn was quiet, and he could only assume that she offered the fighter pilot a nonverbal response.
It was oddly quiet between the two before Erves slowly cleared his throat.
"So, Erso, obviously you gotta take some time to heal up and everything, but when you do, do you think I could get you a drink sometime?"
That was it. Cassian's feet guided him into the room without his conscious approval.
Erves turned to see him, and Cassian almost took in a sense of pleasure, as the color drained from the man's face.
Every fiber inside Cassian, every instinct roared inside him, as he looked at Erves and replayed the question the man had asked her in his head.
He wasn't good enough for Jyn.
"Major Andor! What a surprise to see you here!" Erves tried to keep his voice even and lighthearted.
"Is it?" Was his only response before turning to look at Jyn, who at first seemed a little surprised to see him, but she quickly schooled her features to look more apathetic.
A trait she seemed to have picked up from him.
An awkward silence hung in the air before Jyn finally spoke up.
"I'll talk to you later, Erves. Thanks again for checking on me."
Her voice was even, but Cassian could swear he saw the hint of a smile as the captain gave her a smirk.
"Anytime, Erso. Heal up quick, alright?" He turned to walk out, but not before shooting Cassian a smug look, "Major." He simply said.
Cassian was already on edge just by Erves's presence, and if it wasn't for his years of self-control, he would have punched the man.
Instead, he waited until he couldn't hear his footsteps anymore before finally addressing Jyn.
"What did the doctor say?"
Jyn eyed him for a minute, clearly debating if she was still angry at him or not.
"They said to take it easy for a couple of weeks, but that the bacta should heal me up just fine. I was getting discharged in an hour."
He nodded and folded his arms, looking around the room for a moment, not really sure what to do in the silence.
"Are you-"
"Cassian, I-"
They both tried at the same time, and the awkward moment pulled a small laugh from Jyn, which only caused Cassian to smile.
"Are we ok?" Jyn asked.
The timidness of her voice struck a nerve in his heart. He hated fighting with Jyn. Both of them always had high passions and fluctuating tempers, but it didn't mean that he or Jyn enjoyed the fighting.
It was just a part of living in close quarters with the same person. Especially when that person liked to use her body like a living weapon and with very little regard for her own mortality.
"I am sorry about what I said. I was just angry and... worried about you."
Jyn smirked and gestured towards her bandaged abdomen.
"C'mon, Cassian, let's not pretend that you haven't seen me in worse shape before."
"I have," he moved closer to stand directly beside her medical cot, "but that doesn't mean I like to see you get hurt, Jyn." His voice was calm but still held a certain sternness as he stared at her covered-up wound.
"We're in a war. I'm not always going to be out of danger." She said simply, not really feeling the need to offer up excuses.
Not that Cassian would have accepted any excuses.
"Jyn, look, I... I get that we all will always face danger until this damn war is over, but can you at least try and stay safe long enough to see the end of said war?"
The words were pleading, but they weren't exactly what he wanted to say. Not completely anyway.
Still, something about what he said seemed to have struck a chord with her. She looked at him more softly now, like she was seeing through every barrier of his and was simply staring at Cassian. The real Cassian, whom only Jyn could see.
There was another twinge to his heart, but it only served to warm his chest.
"I'll try, but you have to promise the same."
Cassian furrowed his brow, and Jyn gave him her signature judgmental look.
"Do you want to compare scars that both of us received? From the last six months alone?"
Cassian lowered his head and coughed awkwardly.
"That's not necessary."
"Thought so."
The two let out a laugh that had seemed stifled by the previous anger and awkwardness, that has now evaporated.
Although there was still one other thing that nagged at Cassian's mind.
"Did Erves hear about your injury as soon as we touched down?"
Asking about the fighter pilot felt like Cassian was debasing himself somehow, although he couldn't explain why.
He didn't like Erves, just like he didn't like most of the men that presented themselves to Jyn, but he refused to claim that the prickle in his chest and the clench of his fists was due to jealousy.
Cassian didn't get jealous, and it would be silly to be jealous over Jyn. She didn't belong to him. They weren't a couple. He had no right to feel...whatever it was he was feeling over this situation.
And yet...
"No. He had stopped by to update his implant, and he happened to see me in here. He just wanted to check on me."
That's not all he wanted.
"That's good to know."
Jyn gave him a look, her eyes probing his face as if looking for a weakness in his spy mask.
"Seems like Melshi might have had a point about Erves wanting to ask me out." She said softly.
Cassian kept his arms folded and most of his anger in check.
"You gonna take him up on it?"
He watched Jyn's face scrunch up in offense.
"I don't think so. Erves isn't exactly my type."
Well, that certainly piqued his interest. What exactly was Jyn's type? Not that he cared, it was only mild curiosity.
Nothing more.
"According to scuttlebutt, Erves is pretty popular with the other women on base." He said, as if that statement alone would have someone like Jyn falling for him. He knew her better than that; he just wanted to see what she would say.
"Oh, good! Means he shouldn't be too disappointed when I don't show up at the cantina."
Cassian laughed and felt the tension suddenly leave his shoulders. He moved to sit beside her on the cot, and Jyn happily moved her legs to accommodate him in her space.
"So, if good-looking Erves can't tempt you, who on this base can?"
She rolled her eyes at that comment. "Looks aren't the only thing I'm after."
"But you are after something, someone?"
She paused, a light pink blush dusted her cheeks, but Cassian couldn't tell if she was just embarrassed by the turn of their conversation or if it was due to something else.
"I mean I...", she was flustered, Cassian had never, in the three years since Scarif, seen Jyn actually at a loss for words. It was equal parts surprising and adorable in a way.
"I can't say." She finally managed.
"I'm a spy, Jyn. I could get the information out of you if I really wanted to." He teased.
That signature look of indignation crossed her blushed face, and she squared her shoulders as she gave him a knowing smile.
"Oh? I'd like to see you try."
The tension between them was back, but it felt different now. It was no longer born from their anger and frustration, but rather something else. Something underlying in the words they spoke.
Cassian looked down and realized that they had started to lean in closer to one another, both seemingly disregarding their natural need for personal space.
That pesky tingling in his chest came back in full force as he and Jyn simply stared each other down. To any outsider, it would look like they were in the middle of an argument that neither was keen to back down from, but Cassian knew there was something else there. Something he may be projecting onto Jyn. Something he would have to work out himself.
And it would be best to do that far away from Jyn. She was simply too distracting.
Clearing his throat, he leaned away, breaking the tension and connection of the moment, as Jyn seemed to snap back into reality as well.
If Cassian didn't know any better, and he did, he would think Jyn was attracted to him. But that was a ridiculous assumption, one probably based on his own ego.
He had seduced many women in the past, mostly for mission purposes, but his charm did extend to finding company for a night or so.
He had long since given up those activities, but he still knew, or at least he thought he knew, the signs of an interested woman.
But this was Jyn. She was like no woman he had ever dealt with in the past, and every word or action from her nearly always threw him for a loop.
Her closeness to him wasn't anything new. They spent a great deal of time together, and her leaning into him, touching his shoulder, and numerous other invasions of space weren't unusual, and couldn't be simply taken as interest.
And if there was one thing he knew from his years spent with her, is that it was never good practice to assume anything about Jyn Erso.
"I'll, uhm, I have to finish up a written report of our mission for Draven. I just wanted to check on you, and uhm apologize for what I said earlier." Cassian explained, moving to stand up.
"Cassian!" He felt her hand softly grip his wrist, keeping him near the cot. Near her.
For a moment, they just stared at one another until he felt Jyn's fingers slide further up his skin, eventually interlocking with his own. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze that sent a surge of heat coursing through his veins.
"Thank you for coming to check on me. I... I always appreciate your support."
Any other time, that comment would easily drip with sarcasm, but this time, it felt more than genuine. As if she were thanking him for always checking in.
Always being there.
Always coming back to her.
He squeezed her hand back without thought, giving her a small smile that was reminiscent of that moment together on the beach.
A moment that was forever burned into his memory.
"You'll always have it, Jyn."
Not knowing if he would dare to say something else, something that that traitorous tingling feeling in his heart begged him to say, Cassian mumbled something about listening to the doctor's orders, for once, before letting her hand go and stalking out of the med bay.
His thoughts were awash with confusion and very dangerous feelings.
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Jyn's two-week convalescence came and went with little fanfare. Her wound healed up well enough with the bacta packs and only left a minor scar.
The Rogue One crew didn't have any scheduled missions, and all were going about their normal duties when they remained at home station.
And almost every night, Jyn came to sleep in Cassian's room and to simply spend time with him while she healed.
Cassian welcomed her presence as always, but he had felt strange around her ever since their conversation in the med bay.
He wasn't uncomfortable exactly, more nervous than anything else. Nervous because he was fairly certain he was reading too much into the interaction.
Cassian couldn't be sure, but the way Jyn looked at him, the way her cheeks were tinted with blush, even some of the words she used, Cassian could be tricked into believing she was flirting with him.
But logically, he knew that didn't make any sense.
Jyn didn't flirt with anyone, as far as he knew anyway, and despite the moment that was shared in the med bay-the way she held his hand-, Jyn was acting like her normal sarcastic and standoffish self.
She also didn't say anything else in reference to Captain Erves's proposition, so Cassian could safely assume that even if he was reading too much into their own interaction, at least she wasn't also having questionable interactions with Erves either.
Again, not that he would really care. He doesn't; Jyn is just a friend.
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