Work Text:
Times like this make Chanyeol reminisce about all the years he spent with Baekhyun—the same man who now sleeps peacefully in his arms. A small smile made its way onto his lips as he couldn't help but place a soft kiss on the messy hair resting against his chest.
He remembered how he had prayed for moments like this—being able to fall asleep with his person and wake up beside the one he loved and adored most.
Looking back, he instantly had those thoughts the moment he laid eyes on the petite, slim teenager who had entered their sweaty practice room with another trainee. He remembered how he didn’t even notice the guy standing beside young Baekhyun because his gaze had immediately fixed on the smaller boy with the puppy-like face and never left.
That fast-paced rhythm of his heart when his eyes first landed on young Baekhyun—that same feeling still happens to this day. Years may have passed, but his heart never fails to race every time he sees his best friend, his lover.
As cringe as it may sound, Chanyeol wanted to tell his heart that falling in love with another man was a sin, but the damn thing seemed to have a mind of its own.
There were days when he refused to accept the feelings he had for the smaller one.
Maybe he was reading too much into it and simply giving himself false signals.
But as the days turned into months, his love for Baekhyun never wavered, not even for a second. Instead, with each passing day, his feelings for him only grew stronger.
Maybe it was already love at first sight the moment he laid eyes on him, but as the days passed, Chanyeol only fell harder as he learned more about the smaller man.
He dug his own grave by falling deeper with each passing day. Maybe he truly was foolish for letting himself fall for someone he once believed was impossible to love.
One of the funniest moments of his life was when he slapped his cheeks multiple times after finally realizing and accepting that he was already down so bad for Byun Baekhyun. He had fallen way too deep into a hole he had unconsciously dug for himself, yet he never made a single attempt to find his way out.
Because throughout all those passing years, he was never alone.
People around him often reminded him that he was too pure for this world. That his heart and soul were too innocent. That he needed to be protected from all the evils that could hurt him.
And the very first person who ever stood guard over him was Baekhyun.
Even on the days when he doubted himself and began hating who he was for not being "normal," Baekhyun would somehow appear out of nowhere, as if the universe had sent him on purpose. They would talk about anything and everything until Chanyeol eventually forgot all his worries. Baekhyun was there for him through all those difficult times—completely unaware of how much he was helping Chanyeol simply by existing.
As they matured and spent those years side by side, loving Baekhyun only became easier. Or maybe it was Baekhyun who made everything feel easier.
They aged and grew together, carrying their love with them every step of the way. The love they built together has kept them going for more than a decade now. It made them stronger through every pain and every struggle they had to face.
They faced it all head-on and survived.
It’s ironic how Chanyeol used to hear from the elders that love isn’t enough in this cruel world—that love will eventually fade, and the person you once loved will become just another passing stranger. He had even witnessed it in his own parents. Love alone wouldn’t save him.
He needed to be smarter.
That’s what they said.
That’s what his mind told him.
But his heart said otherwise.
For all the pain and cruelty it had witnessed, his heart still believed that love wasn’t vile. It wasn’t wrong to wear your heart on your sleeve. In fact, it felt warm—comforting—to love and to be loved. And so, as Chanyeol grew up, he continued to crave that feeling. He longed to be genuinely loved by someone and to love that person in return with everything he had.
Maybe the elders were right. Maybe love wasn’t enough, because even his own parents didn’t work out. But young Chanyeol wanted to prove them wrong. He believed that the love he gave—to people, to animals, even to the smallest things—was more than enough.
Yet there were moments when that belief wavered.
He found himself questioning whether his love was enough for Baekhyun to notice, to understand, and eventually reciprocate his feelings. Was it enough for the smaller man to love him back? Was it enough to keep Baekhyun by his side when the truth finally came out?
For a moment, Chanyeol wondered if the elders were right. What if Baekhyun ended up hating him, or worse, feeling disgusted by him? He was a man who had chosen to love another man.
For someone who had always believed in the power of love, those doubts frightened him more than anything.
Yoora used to tell him, “The world is ruthless, Yeol. They don’t deserve people like you. So be strong, because there will be people who won’t accept you for who you are. But someday, someone will come along, stand beside you, and love you the way you deserve.”
Chanyeol believes her and silently hopes that someone is Baekhyun.
It was so easy that Chanyeol often found himself mindlessly scribbling words in the corners of his papers. Every word he wrote described exactly how he felt about his bandmate. Every melody he composed in his small studio had only one inspiration—Baekhyun.
Within that tiny, safe space, those four walls bore witness to how much he yearned for the smaller man, how desperately he longed for him to love him back as deeply as he loved and adored him.
On those sleepless nights, he would pour his heart into words upon words, scribbling without pause. In that room, Chanyeol’s lips curled into a smile so often that his grin nearly reached his ears. His insides would churn at even the slightest thought of their skin brushing against each other. Just the memory was enough to make his cheeks and ears burn.
But there were also nights when Chanyeol cried, carefully wiping away his tears so they wouldn’t smudge his writing. He wanted to stop them, but his heart ached for the one person he couldn't love openly. He couldn't bring himself to confess, terrified that the person he loved so deeply might also be the first to despise him. That all their happy moments as friends could vanish in the blink of an eye, simply because he had fallen in love with him—a man.
So Chanyeol surrendered his heart and let the pen freely write all the thoughts and feelings he couldn't tell the world. He let his heart create hundreds of melodies, each one meant for only one person—Byun Baekhyun.
A faint, puppy-like noise and the arms tightening around his waist pulled him out of his trip down memory lane. He looked down and was greeted by a head of messy hair resting against his chest. He stayed quiet and observed for a moment, waiting for the smaller man to speak up, but the seconds passed and all he heard were soft, puppy-like whimpers.
Chanyeol couldn't help but chuckle as he pressed another gentle kiss to Baekhyun's messy hair. The latter was clearly fast asleep, and Chanyeol once again found himself falling in love with the man he held so dearly in his arms.
He couldn't even keep track of how many times he had fallen in love with the smaller man. It felt as though every day was another chance for him to fall even deeper. Somehow, it always felt like the first time.
His heart beat erratically as his mind replayed all the reasons he loved Baekhyun. It almost felt as if he had been made for the sole purpose of loving Byun Baekhyun—and Chanyeol was all in. He didn't mind, and he knew he would never grow tired of showering the smaller man with all the love his heart could hold.
Maybe he was born into this world to love and be loved by Baekhyun.
And if that were true, then he wouldn't mind at all. He must have saved hundreds of lives in a previous life to be blessed by the heavens with someone like Baekhyun as his person.
06/14/2011
you’re cute! let’s be friends :)
- pcy
06/14/2014
i think i like u
not as friend tho :)
p.s. wanna get coffee?
- pcy
06/19/2014
sorry if my confession made u uncomfortable.
i didn’t know ure dating her
p.s. can we still be friends?
- pcy
05/06/2016
happy birthday! <3
p.s. i still like u :P
- pcy
11/27/2016
it’s my bday lol
i’m a year older now but
my feelings for u remains <3
- pcy
02/14/2017
Baek, will you be my valentine?
- pcy
04/26/2017
I love you, Byun Baekhyun.
Please make me your boyfriend T_T
p.s. im on my knees T_T
- pcy
06/14/2017
Thank u for giving me a chance <3
I love you, Baek.
p.s. I will make you the happiest :)
- pcy
06/14/2026
Good morning, baby!
years passed and i’m still in love with you<3
p.s. i made u coffee :)
- pcy