Love Of Your Life

by Flip_Backflip

Summary:

In which Spamton realizes he wants to marry Tenna, but doesn't know how to propose.

Notes:

Hi everybody!!! I want to thank everyone for all the support my last fic got ! It blew me away, I wasn’t expecting it at all 😭

This is very different from my last two fics so I'm kinda nervous to post it. I know hurt no comfort isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so thank you to anyone who decides to read this anyways !!

If you think there are tags that should be added, please let me know ! I wasn't sure how to tag all of this correctly haha

Spamton laid awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Truth is, he’d been awake for a good while now, unable to find any more rest than what he’d already been granted. The mattress was soft beneath him, but the duvet was long gone, all of it stolen by Tenna during his sleep. The latter had often explained that when he was sleeping, or more accurately when he was turned off, his inner workings would cool down for the night. This caused him to get cold very easily, hence why he had wrapped the duvet around himself completely. Spamton didn’t mind, he would complain about it the next morning, yes, but in all honesty it mattered very little to him.

He turned on his side, resting his chin on his pillow- his pillow- and looked onward at his partner. Spamton blinked a few times, his eyes now adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom- their bedroom- so well that he could make every detail of Tenna out. His screen was black, he was clutching the covers like he was scared someone would rip them away from him, yet it was easy to notice the vague moving up and down of his body as he breathed in and out, peacefully dreaming away.

It was a soft sight, a very domestic sight. He wasn’t sure when this slip into such a domestic relationship had happened between them. It started out slow, like these kinds of things always did. He started leaving clothes at Tenna’s place, just a clean pair of underwear in case he stayed the night, but soon enough it became all of his clothes that ended up there. Tenna had insisted on making space in one of his drawers for Spamton’s things, which he didn’t object to.

And then it wasn’t only his clothes he left behind. It was his toothbrush, his car keys and whatnot. His favorite brand of instant coffee would always be in the cupboard when he made himself a cup in the morning. He got a designated side of the bed, designated side of the bathroom’s sink. And before he even realized what was going on, he started referring to Tenna’s place as “home”. It still caught him by surprise when he’d find himself muttering a “let’s go home” to his lover at the end of the day.

 

He reached out to touch Tenna’s screen, where his cheek would be, and rubbed it softly with his thumb. Tenna didn’t wake up, he was a pretty heavy sleeper, but Spamton didn’t want him to wake up anyways. He wanted to enjoy this sight, this simple pleasure of a life he had never imagined for himself, he took it all in.

He still remembered when this room, this bed, was nothing more than another hookup spot for him and Tenna. Yet, there he was now, with a designated pillow that looked like a letter and had his initials embroidered on the side. Yes, embroidered. When he had suggested Tenna find a hobby outside of work, he hadn’t expected him to start embroidering their initials into all things fabric inside of their house. But it seemed to make him so happy, to be able to put their pillows side by side and proudly trace his fingers over the stitches of “S.G.S” and “A.T.”. It was a good way for him to unwind after a long day. Who was Spamton to judge any of this anyways ?

 

“You’re gonna have to change these one day.” he had joked, looking at Tenna’s initials embroidered on the bottom of his bathrobe. “To write A.T.S.”

-What does that stand for ?” Tenna had asked, curious.

-Ant. Tenna-Spamton, for when we officially close the deal.”

 

Thinking back on that moment still made him slightly embarrassed. Spamton had no idea what came over him when he had said that, marriage had rarely been a topic of discussion for them.

He knew Tenna wanted to get married, desperately so. You didn’t have to ask him to know. His love for romantic comedies, the way he would talk about their future side by side, and his love for the Lightner family. It was all abundantly clear, Tenna wanted to get married more than anything else in the world.

Spamton had always been on the fence about it, if not downright against it. He just wasn’t the type of guy to be tied down to one person for the rest of his life, he wanted to explore his options, have some fun, get wild every now and then. Or at least, he used to feel like that.

Maybe that off-handed comment was the first sign of his rapid descent into madness. He still remembered the way Tenna’s antennae had perked up, like a dog’s ears hearing his favorite word. He had blushed, the cutest shade of pink known to man. Yet he hadn’t acknowledged it, probably scared that this was just another one of Spamton’s teasing remarks and didn’t actually mean anything.

 

But it had meant everything to him.

 

And right now, in this dark room, eyes fixated on his sleeping partner who was probably dreaming of next day’s broadcast, Spamton had a very daunting, thrilling and terrifying revelation : he wanted to marry Tenna.

His hands fell down from Tenna’s screen to his own racing heart. He laid a hand on top of his chest, absolutely mortified by the thoughts that were running around his mind right now. Not only did he want a marriage, he wanted a wedding. An honest to god wedding ceremony with guests, a buffet, an open bar, the whole shtick. He found himself imagining what their ceremony could look like. Shit, he had no idea, he had never actually been to a wedding, the only ones he knew were from the movies Tenna forced him to watch on their days-off. But he didn’t hate the idea.

He imagined himself in a brand new tuxedo, black and classy, with one of Tenna’s flowers clipped to his front pocket for good luck. The pink would clash with the rest of his attire, but he didn’t care. It was that one he wanted.

And Tenna ? Oh, god. He found himself alternating between the vision of his partner wearing a suit or a wedding dress. How amazing would he look in those tight wedding dresses with the long trails ? He’d look like a dream come true. He’d look like the rest of his life.

 

Fuck, what was getting into him ? When did he become such a hopeless, sappy piece of shit ? Was he even deserving of marrying someone as wonderful as Tenna ? Surely not, right ? What did he have to offer that Tenna didn’t already have ? Someone else could take better care of him, be nicer and more importantly be completely honest with him. That was who Tenna deserved.

And yet, looking around the room, he couldn’t help but think that Tenna didn’t want anyone else besides Spamton. What a lucky bastard he was, he’d hit the fucking jackpot without even meaning to. And how stupid would it be to let it slip away from him ?

 

Tenna had brought up the idea of marriage to him only once, but the conversation had been shut down rather quickly, as this subject used to make Spamton wildly uncomfortable to such an extent that even Tenna didn’t want to insist. And here he was now, fantasizing about what flowers they would pick for the arrangements. He found himself quite idiotic for even having doubts about it in the first place.

He wanted to marry Tenna, he wanted them to have a big white wedding, hell maybe even start a family too. But what did that entail ? All the admin work they’d have to fill out, all the papers, the contracts, the this this this and the that. He didn’t even know if he would be allowed to sign the wedding papers. It all felt rather anxiety-inducing. But it all seemed worth it if it meant Tenna would be his forever. Legally his. It wouldn’t just be a word muttered during their lovemaking, a promise whispered when they were half-awake, or sweet compliments shushed during one of his partner’s meltdowns. It would be real, it would be forever, it would be true.

 

He was getting ahead of himself, though. First of all, he’d have to buy a ring. A really, really beautiful ring that Tenna could wave around and gush about for hours. And when that was done, he could freak out about the paperwork.

 

---

 

Finding a ring was the easy part, much to Spamton’s delight. He hadn’t needed an elaborate plan to figure out what Tenna wanted, he already knew what to do.

 

One evening after work, he had invited Tenna to one of his favorite restaurants down in Cyber City. He had called it date night, which it was, and that was enough to get Tenna giggling and kicking his feet as he all but ran back to his dressing room to get changed.

“Oh, Spammy !” He had sung, hiding his blush by putting his hands on his cheeks. “You can be so romantic when you want to be !”

Spamton had chuckled, rolled his eyes and simply waved off the compliment like it didn’t mean much to him. Deep down, he was kind of freaking out. Tenna didn’t even know the half of it, he was completely unaware that this cute little outing had an ulterior motive to it. If you could call it that.

 

They headed down town together. Tenna shrunk to fit comfortably in the passenger side of Spamton’s cungadero, looking out to the neon signs of the city with such amazement that it would’ve been easy to believe it was his first time here. It truly wasn’t, yet he held a sort of admiration for the place, like he was impressed by the hustle and bustle that was synonymous with this city. Spamton was used to it, but it was true that for someone who had rarely gone out of his studio before, it could be quite impressive.

Spamton put his free hand on Tenna’s thigh, delighted to feel him squirm under his touch like they had never gone out together before. Tenna didn’t comment on it, though. His screen stayed plastered to the window, the glow of the billboards reflecting themselves off of him, giving his face a variety of colors that were rare to see elsewhere. Spamton’s eyes stayed put on the road, but he did feel his heart hammering away anxiously in his chest. He knew very well that Tenna was blissfully ignorant of what he was planning, yet it didn’t help his nerves. He took a breath in, reminding himself that he didn’t even have a ring yet. So, there was no need to be so nervous. Right ?

 

“Thank you for this.”

Tenna’s voice cut through the silence like a knife. There was no malice, no hidden meaning, it was purely a sincere comment he had wanted to give Spamton. The latter raised his eyebrows, a bit surprised.

“We ain’t even arrived yet, what are ya thankin’ me for ?”

Tenna turned to look at him, a goofy smile drew itself on his screen. Oh, great. He was having one of his sappy romcom moments. There was nothing wrong with them, Spamton liked getting showered in praise as much as the next guy, but he was already nervous enough right now. There was no need to add fuel to the fire.

“Just- thank you for taking care of me. It’s so sweet of you, really.”

God, Spamton wanted to laugh at himself so badly. Sweet ? When was the last time anyone besides Tenna had ever referred to him as sweet ? Conniving, sly, untrustworthy, scumbag, asshole. Those were words that he was way more acquainted with. But sweet, he didn’t think he would ever consider himself to even be a little bit nice. So, “sweet” had definitely been out of the picture.

Yet, he hated to admit it, but he had gone pretty mushy lately. He was driving his partner for a date night, an honest to god date night, just them two. Not to a bar, not just driving to each other's place to fuck and get it over with. They were gonna have dinner, a nice, fancy, lengthy one at that- because he knew how badly Tenna needed to relax and get his mind off of work for once- and that wouldn’t even be the end of it. He was caressing Tenna’s thigh, just because he found the warmth of it under his palm comforting. He was planning on proposing for god’s sake. It was all pretty sweet, if you asked him.

He smiled, looking at Tenna from the corner of his eyes and feeling his face heat up.

“Don’t mention it, baby.”

Tenna giggled, tail wagging at the pet name as he laid back in his seat. He wiggled his feet impatiently, his own energy getting the better of him.

“We’ll be there soon enough, just sit tight.”

 

Dinner came and went as smoothly as Spamton had expected. Everything had gone well, if not perfectly even, and Tenna was the happiest Spamton had seen him in a while. They’d stayed there for hours, talking and drinking expensive wine as if no one but them existed. It was nice, it was exactly what Tenna had needed to unwind after such a long week.

When they finally left the restaurant, it was much later than Tenna had realized it to be, yet Spamton insisted they didn’t go home just yet. He still hadn’t put his plan into motion, getting Tenna in a good mood was only the beginning.

“C’mon, Ant.” He swayed, putting his hands on the small of his back. “I was thinkin’ we could do a little window shopping before headin’ back. We don’t come ‘round here often, we should make the most of it.”

Tenna looked around the street they stood in. You almost couldn’t tell, because of the bright neon signs and illuminated store fronts, but everything had closed a while ago. However, he was never one to protest spending time with his lover. A nice stroll in the city did sound appealing, and it was late enough that they didn’t have to worry about running into any other Addisons that Spamton dreaded so much.

“Are you sure ?” He asked, trying his best to hide how ecstatic he was at the idea.

-I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t.”

Spamton reached out his hand, gesturing for Tenna to hold it, which he gladly did so. His heart jumped in his chest as a flower bloomed on the end of his nose, he wasn’t equipped to deal with Spamton's charming personality. This was all so sweet, so romantic, he almost couldn’t believe it.

“Oh well !” Tenna all but swooned. “If you insist !”

Spamton nodded, silently begging with himself not to freak out. Not just yet.

 

Just as Spamton had expected, if not planned, the late hour of the night made it so all the stores weren’t actually open for business. That was good, that was a good thing, it meant he wouldn’t run into any inconveniences. He wasn’t planning on buying anything just yet, like he said, this was simply window shopping. Purposeful window shopping, yes, but window shopping nonetheless.

Him and Tenna walked slowly, casually, hands interlaced like two highschoolers who had just started dating a week prior. Spamton tried his best to act as if their walk was completely random, as if he was just taking turns where he felt like it and as if it was a perfect coincidence that they ended up where they did. Tenna couldn’t help but stop and stare at pretty much every store front, wooing and awing at the mannequins or the displays of useless junk that Spamton could see right through. He bit his tongue, keeping his bitter comments about the lack of originality in most of these stands to himself. Tonight’s purpose wasn’t to complain or insult his old coworker’s efforts, or lack thereof, tonight was all about Tenna. All it took was for him to see the look of absolute wonder and almost child-like curiosity on his lover’s screen, and his heart melted. His breath got caught in his throat every time Tenna turned to face him, smiling widely and pointing to whatever it was that caught his interest. They were mostly clothes. Okay, they were only clothes.

“Do you think I’d look good in blue ?” He asked, pointing to a blue suit displayed on a half competently set up mannequin.

“I think you’d look good in anything, baby.”

Tenna blushed, an embarrassed giggle making its way out of his mouth as he pretended to swat his lover away. It was so easy to fluster him, Spamton couldn’t help himself.

“Oh, oh you- ! You big flirt !

-What ? I’m just bein’ honest.” He reiterated, voice smooth and confident.

-Oh, Spammy ! What is it with you tonight ? You’ve been acting like such a gentleman !”

Spamton swallowed hard, his nerves coming back in a crushing wave of stress. Stay calm, stay calm. You don’t even have a ring yet ! How could Tenna possibly know what he was up to ? He had no way of knowing ! Except if he accidentally told on himself by being quiet and awkward and weird. Damn it, Spamton, get a hold of yourself !

“Nothin’.” He finally answered, voice heavy with his obvious lie. “Why don’t we keep walkin’, doll ?”

If Tenna noticed him acting suspiciously, he didn’t comment on it, much to his partner’s relief.

 

It only took a little while longer before the pair ended up in front of the store most important to Spamton. It was a jewelry store, smaller than the others surrounding it. It was pretty unnoticeable on a first walk through of the city, but Spamton knew exactly where it was. In any other circumstances, they would’ve walked past it without much of a second thought. But he had purposefully slowed down, pretending like he had dropped something, forcing Tenna to pay attention to what surrounded them. And that’s when he locked his attention on the display case of expensive jewelry at the front of the store. Bingo.

As Spamton kept up his charade of tapping his pockets and retracing his steps, Tenna walked over to the store front, tilting his head curiously. Spamton gave him a few seconds head start before joining him, acting like he wasn’t at all interested in what Tenna was eying.

“Watcha got there, Tens ?” He tried keeping his tone as casual as possible.

-Look at all these goodies ! They’re all so pretty !”

The store had a varied display of necklaces with jewels, pendants, and gold bracelets that cost half of Spamton's salary. But most importantly, they had a wide selection of rings. Engagement rings. Spamton felt his heart jumping out of his chest as he waited for Tenna to notice them. He was looking at his face intently from the corner of his eye, trying his best to pretend like he was simply admiring the merchandise like his lover currently was. Tenna seemed fixated on the necklaces, hand tracing over his own collarbone like he was envisioning which one would compliment his suit best. Well, Spamton could also get him a necklace when he came back for the ring, it would make for a nice gift. But that wasn’t the subject.

 

Come on, baby, Spamton thought to himself, just look at the rings. All it would take was a simple second, a little raise of his eyebrows, a little smile in the corner of his mouth, and Spamton would know which one to get. He had become an expert at reading Tenna, so that was truly all it would take. But he just needed to see them- !

“Oh wow.”

Spamton couldn’t help but snap his eyes on Tenna, a winning bell going off in his head as he realized what his partner had commented on.

“They have so many rings.” Tenna couldn’t help but babble away, mesmerized by the wide selection of them. He had never seen such a huge collection anywhere near the studio. “It’s so shiny.

-Rings, uh ?"

As if he was actively trying to ruin his own chances of a surprise proposal, Spamton’s foot started tapping nervously on the ground as he tried to read Tenna’s expression. You’d be surprised of how much a Darkner with no eyes could say with only his face. Spamton had to bite back his question of “which one’s your favorite ?” because, come on, that was just too obvious. Instead, he just whistled and directed his attention to the same place Tenna was staring at.

 

In the top, right corner, a bit before the last row, sat a beautiful, golden round cut ring. It didn’t look extraordinary, it wasn’t anything grand, it was actually quite a traditional and simple one. So much so that Spamton almost felt disappointed. No way, right ? No way that Tenna, who loved attention and extravagant shows more than anything else in the world, would be satisfied with such a bland ring. He turned around, almost letting out a snarky remark before he noticed just how enthralled by it his lover seemed to be.

Tenna’s hands started fidgeting, locking around his ring finger as he closed his mouth in a tight smile. God, he was so easy to read. It was so obvious that he was imagining the ring around his finger, how he would wave it around and shove it in everyone’s face at the studio, happier than ever. Spamton felt warm, and so he decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Yeah.” He finally muttered. “It’s a nice store.”

Tenna snapped out of his reverie, a small blush spreading across his cheeks as he chased away his fantasies from his mind. Spamton almost felt guilty, knowing very well that his own past apprehensions of marriage were what made Tenna react this way. He almost wanted to confess about how he had changed his mind, hell why not even propose right now ? Okay, no, bad idea. He definitely shouldn’t do that. He just needed to wait a bit longer.

 

“Oh !” Tenna exclaimed, looking at his imaginary watch. “Would you look at the time ! It’s- uh.”

He stared intently at Spamton, who quickly rolled up his sleeve to look at his actual watch wrapped around his wrist.

“It’s almost midnight.” He answered.

-It’s almost- ! It’s almost midnight !? We- Spammy, we should head back. I’m kind of tired and we have a long drive ahead of us.

-Sure, good idea. Let’s go home.”

He locked fingers with Tenna again, a wave of excitement making the hair stand on the back of his neck. He knew what ring to get, it was only a matter of time before Tenna would be his forever. And it would all be perfect.

 

---

 

If finding the ring had been the easy part, planning the proposal was where Spamton struggled the most. Shit, he had no idea how he should go about this. He didn’t know much about weddings, and he knew even less about proposals. He didn’t even know what kind of proposal Tenna wanted ! Was he expecting something grand, public ? A flashy declaration of Spamton’s undying love for the host in front of hundreds of bystanders ? That did sound like something Tenna would enjoy, but yet again, he had surprised him quite a bit by settling on such a simple ring. Maybe he wanted a simple proposal too. A quiet, intimate one, after dinner or during a romantic evening walk in the snowy fields behind the studio. It was true that being just them two would give Tenna the opportunity of announcing the engagement in whatever dramatic way he felt was more appropriate later. He was kind of a control freak after all. Hell, if Tenna had any idea about Spamton’s plan of proposing, he’d probably find a way to organize it himself. So maybe, giving him the chance to make their engagement public on his own terms was a good idea. Yeah, yeah, that sounded about right. Right ?

 

Who was he kidding ? He had no idea what he was doing. He was only pretending to be even a little bit confident in his plan because he knew that there was no one to help him. He tried thinking about who he could ask for help in this scenario, but no one came to mind. The staff, like the Pippins and such, were most definitely out of the question. They talked amongst themselves relentlessly, even if he asked just one or two of them, it wouldn’t be long before the whole staff knew. And if the staff knew, Tenna would know. Because they were all too scared to keep secrets from him.

He thought about the weather duo or Mike, but he ran into the same problem : there was no way they’d be able to keep their mouths shut. They would end up saying something to Tenna, even just hinting at it in passing, and Tenna would connect the dots. Despite what most people thought of him, Tenna was far from stupid. He liked joking around, acting silly and what not, but when it came down to it, he was very good at making connections where no connections should be made. That was what worried Spamton the most, that Tenna would end up realizing that their dinner date had not been made at random, that the shops they walked by all had a purpose in mind, and it would ruin the surprise before Spamton had even been able to plan one at all. Argh ! It was killing him ! And he had no one to share this burden with ! He almost wanted to tell on himself to Tenna, just because he had gotten so used to sharing everything with his lover. How could he keep the biggest change in their lives a surprise for much longer ?

 

The solution to his problem was so glaringly simple that it pissed him off : propose already. But, and he hated to admit this, he had one obvious flaw. He was a coward. There, he said it. He was absolutely terrified of proposing.

Why ? He had no clue. He knew Tenna would say yes, there was no chance in hell that Tenna wouldn’t say yes. He’d been wanting to get married so badly, he’d been waiting for him and Spamton to finally tie the knot for so long. Any kind of proposal would be perfect in Tenna’s book, he’d be so happy, he’d be over the moon. Spamton could almost hear him squealing with delight as he put the ring around his finger. And yet, there was this incessant, nagging voice in the back of his mind that tried to convince him otherwise. He’d always thought that his relationship with Tenna was nothing more than a fluke, that he’d just gotten so incredibly lucky. But his luck would have to run out eventually, wouldn’t it ? And what if it ran out then and there ? When he was on one knee, making a complete fool out of himself ?

Even if Tenna did say yes, what if he hated the proposal ? Didn’t that happen, sometimes ? The proposal was so bad that one of the partners built up this secret resentment towards the other and it would all come crashing down on the wedding day. Fuck, what was getting into him ? He was so paranoid, he reminded himself of Tenna. It was usually him who panicked and spiraled over made up scenarios in his head.

Spamton had to take a deep breath in, reminding himself of what he already knew. Tenna loved him, he couldn’t stop saying it, he couldn’t shut up about him for more than a few minutes. Then what was he so scared of ? He needed to stop finding excuses and just do it.

 

But of course, there was a huge difference between saying he was going to do it and actually doing it. He ended up going through a few different plans, without ever daring to even take the box out of his pocket. That sounded pathetic, he knew very damn well that it did. But in his defense, it truly was never the right time. He just wanted everything to be perfect, he wanted it to be a night Tenna would remember fondly for the rest of their lives. But nothing ever went according to plan ! What was he to do !?

 

His first plan sounded perfect, until he put it into practice. It was easy, nothing too out of the ordinary, but just special enough that Tenna would be giggling and kicking his feet before he even hinted at a proposal.

It was a beautiful evening, the studio had been relatively calm these past few days, which made it so that Tenna was in a better mood than he usually was. Which was why Spamton managed to convince him to take a little break with him one night.

Like he said, nothing crazy, because he was terrified of Tenna getting suspicious, so he just invited him out to dinner. That wasn’t so out of the ordinary for him, was it ? Was it suspicious to keep inviting Tenna out to dinner when they so rarely went before ? No, no it wasn’t. It was because it was calmer, Tenna was needed less in the studio, so why not take advantage of it and go out ? At least that’s what he told his lover.

But dinner went sideways. It was right before dessert, when Spamton was about to start his big speech, a speech he had scripted and learned until he could recite it during his sleep, that something happened. It truly wasn’t anything that bad, a waitress simply spilled their bottle of wine when she put the plates down. But Tenna had freaked out, which Spamton should’ve expected.

The wine had spilled all over his shirt, his beautiful white button up shirt ! He had whined. It was his favorite ! He had wailed. Spamton didn’t even know he had a favorite white button up shirt, considering how many of them he had in his dressing room.

But watching his lover shrink and put his head down against the table in despair quickly convinced Spamton that now wasn’t the right time. He couldn’t let his proposal be associated with the same night that Tenna got splashed with a bottle of wine on his favorite white shirt. That would just be cruel.

He let out a half relieved, half disappointed sigh as he signaled to the waitress to just get their bill and leave them be. Next time, he thought to himself, he’d make sure next time would be perfect.

 

---

 

He had wanted to try again, only a few weeks later. This time was much less anticipated than the first one. He hadn’t taken Tenna out on a romantic date, or anything like that. He was pretty sure that his partner would understand something was amiss if he kept bringing him to fancy restaurants for seemingly “no reason”.

It was a wonderful night after one of their most successful broadcasts of the season thus far. The ratings had been good, if not better than good, they’d been outstanding ! They’d been receiving positive feedback from viewers, sponsors, even the staff couldn’t help but comment on how good of a performance Tenna had put on tonight. And you could feel it, the show had been electrifying, so much so that Spamton started sharing Tenna’s excitement while he was on the air. And that’s when the idea popped up in his head. Why not propose tonight ? Tenna would come off stage, Mike could show him the positive reviews and impressive number of viewers while Spamton got his dressing room ready with as many romantic things as he could think of. He’d be ecstatic, and the proposal would be the cherry on top.

 

While Tenna was halfway through one of his infamous physical challenges, Spamton had hurried over to a few Pippins who were on standby and asked them to find him some red roses as soon as possible. It was kind of satisfying to watch them scuttle and shuffling their feet in a panic as they ran into four different directions to find a suitable bouquet. Where could you find a bouquet at this hour ? He had no clue. But that was their problem now.

Ramb, being the angel sent that he was, happily gave a bottle of champagne to Spamton. The latter had lied that it was just a little congratulatory present for Tenna after putting up such a good show. Ramb had simply nodded, but there was something in his smile that suggested that he knew Spamton was omitting a very important detail. In all honesty, Ramb was probably the most trustworthy person around, he’d undoubtedly heard his fair share of drunken truths and secrets, but Spamton couldn’t bring himself to tell him anything. Maybe because he was embarrassed, or maybe because he was scared saying it out loud would bring him some sort of bad luck. When did he become so superstitious ?

The Pippins came back, a beautiful bouquet of red roses in hand, which Spamton swiftly snatched away from them without so much as an acknowledgement of where it came from. He did not care for any of those details right now, and he sent the Pippins on their way with a dismissive wave of his hand.

As pathetic as it was to admit, he was starting to feel horribly nervous. Was he seriously going to do this right now ? With nothing more than a prepared speech, some flowers and champagne ? Would that be enough for Tenna ? Stop, stop. It was going to be amazing, Tenna was going to be so happy. Maybe just going with the flow instead of overthinking some grandiose plan was what he needed to do. He felt it in his gut, this was the right thing to do. He would give the flowers to Tenna, congratulate him on the amazing performance, and he’d invite him to share the bottle with him. Once they were settled down and comfortable, he would make his move. He had the box in his pocket, ready to take out as soon as he needed to. This would be perfect.

 

What he hadn’t anticipated was to find Tenna sulking on the couch of his dressing room.

He had pushed the door open, expecting to find the place empty so he could set up two glasses of champagne for him and his partner, but the latter was already here. And he was not in the mood Spamton had believed him to be in.

Worry shot through him, clear and dizzying, his confidence crumbling down rapidly. He put the bouquet as well as the bottle of champagne on the ground, finding them to matter very little to him right now when he saw what state his partner was in. He made his way to the couch, climbing on it to sit down next to Tenna, who was facing away from him. He was so tiny, he couldn’t be bigger than a mouse. He looked so fragile, as delicate as a blooming flower. It made Spamton sick with how badly he hated the sight.

“Superstar ?” He called, voice soft as he gently caressed his lover’s back to get his attention.

Tenna didn’t turn to look at him, he shrugged the other’s hand off of him like he was nothing more than a nuisance. Spamton scrunched his nose, pushing away physical affection was very uncharacteristic of the host.

“Tenna.” He insisted. “Tens, what’s wrong ? Talk to me.”

It took a few seconds, during which Spamton found himself unable to do anything other than stare and anxiously wait for an answer, before Tenna spoke up. His voice sounded broken, like he’d been crying for hours. But that couldn’t be the case, he’d barely gotten off the air before Spamton came to see him, it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. What catastrophe could’ve occurred in such a little span of time ?

“They didn’t watch the show.”

The explanation lacked any real context. Spamton blinked hard, confusion replacing his worry as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who didn’t watch the show ?

-The Dreemurrs.”

There was another beat of silence. Spamton’s mouth formed a straight line as he tried remembering who the Dreemurrs were. He gave up quickly enough.

“Uh. Who ?

-The Dreemurrs, Spammy ! You know- my family ?”

Oh. The Lightner family, yes, yes. He remembered now. He hated when Tenna talked about them. He couldn’t understand where his partner had gotten this idea from that he was part of that family. He truly wasn’t, they didn’t even know he existed, aside from him being the TV in their living room. It always made Spamton a bit uncomfortable when he spoke of them. He had a strong aversion to the way Tenna would put these people on such a pedestal, going as far as diminishing his own existence if it meant making them happy. Truly, what was so special about them ? He would always get into such a state when he brought up the Lightners. It was so sad to see. He should’ve guessed that was the reason behind his sudden mopiness.

“Tenna, we’ve talked about this. They’re not really your family-

-They are ! They are to me, Spamton, isn’t that all that matters ?”

Tenna turned around to look at him, tears staining his screen as his bottom lip wobbled pathetically.

“And they didn’t watch the show ! They didn’t so much as turn on the TV in the background ! I thought- I thought I had done really well, but visibly it wasn’t enough for them. Am I just not… Interesting anymore ? Are they getting tired of me ?” His voice broke again, a new sob ripping itself from his throat. “Do you think they’re gonna throw me out ? I don’t wanna be thrown out !”

Spamton couldn’t help but sympathize, in a weird way. He knew what it was to let someone else decide your worth for yourself. But, just because he understood, it didn’t mean he would let Tenna speak of himself in such a derogatory way. He took a deep breath in, putting his hand around his lover’s tiny body. Tenna let himself melt against Spamton’s palm, finding comfort in the warmth it provided.

“Superstar, ya put up a hell of a show tonight. Mike didn’t show ya all the amazing feedback we got ? It was great, ya were perfect.”

Tenna sniffled again, shrinking even more despite his lover’s encouraging words. He hid his screen in his hands, ashamed that he couldn’t get a hold of himself right now. He couldn’t help it, he just felt so worthless.

“What’s the point if I can’t keep the Dreemurrs happy ? I’m a good for nothing washed up host ! Maybe they should throw me out ! Everybody would be happier with me gone anyways.

-I wouldn't be.”

 

Spamton took Tenna in his hands, he fit in there perfectly with how small he was right now. His hands shook slightly, worried that he would accidentally hurt him if he wasn’t careful enough. Was this how Tenna felt around him ? No matter, that wasn’t the subject right now. He brought his lover close to his face and spoke softly, as softly as he could at least. He couldn’t help but think he wasn’t very good at this comforting stuff.

“The show ain’t the problem and ya sure as hell ain’t the problem either. Maybe they were busy, it happens, y’know. Ya can’t let it get to your head.” Tenna snuggled against his cheek, his warm inner workings made Spamton’s face heat up, which he didn’t mind. “Ya did great, Tens. I promise ya did.

-But the Dreemurrs…

-Who cares what they think ? D’ya really need ‘em anyways ? As long as you have me ?”

Tenna didn’t answer, which was an answer in it of itself. Another sigh escaped Spamton’s lips. This was so complicated, he didn’t understand why Tenna cared so much. The ratings had been amazing, why did it matter if one measly little family didn’t tune in for one night ? What else could he say to make Tenna feel better ?

He felt the box in his pocket, he felt the weight that it carried. Maybe he could still propose, would that make his lover feel better ? A dramatic confession of love, of how badly he needed Tenna, how they could start their own family and forget about everything else. But yet again, it wasn’t the right time. He couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk Tenna believing he was proposing out of pity, that would lead to a whole other disaster. He shifted his legs nervously, trying his best to ignore the box and, most importantly, the ring inside of it. Before he could say anything else, Tenna sobbed again.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with me, Spammy. You- you deserve better than this. Maybe you should just leave me too…”

Spamton’s heart broke a little. He didn’t know what to say. How could he explain to Tenna that he was the most important thing in his life ? That he was the sole reason Spamton got out of bed most days ? That his world had become a much better place now that Tenna was part of it. Hell, he wasn’t part of it, he was his entire world. The words felt too heavy, too tremendous for him to even think about uttering them now. So, instead of saying what weighed heavy in his heart, he just said :

“C’mon, Tens. I love you, ya know that. I ain’t leavin’.

-I’m sorry.

-Don’t be.”

He wanted to kiss Tenna’s lips, but he was so tiny right now that the best thing he could do was kiss the top of his head. His lover let him do it, even if it didn’t help in improving his mood much.

“I love you too.” He answered quietly. But he didn’t stop crying for a long while afterwards.

 

Spamton didn’t propose that night, of course he didn’t. Next time would be better, he tried reassuring himself, next time would be perfect. If such a time existed at all.

 

---

 

It had been a few weeks since he’d gotten the ring, and Spamton wasn’t any closer to proposing than he was before he had a ring at all. It was slowly driving him insane, he was obsessing over this idea of a perfect evening, a perfect plan, perfect timing. So much so that he was missing opportunity after opportunity of simply proposing. He found it was easier to make up excuses than to actually do it.

He hid the ring box away in his clothes drawer. He knew very well that Tenna never went snooping around in there, or at least not that he was aware of. But no matter, what would it change if he found the ring or not ? At this rate, that was probably Spamton’s best shot at proposing, to be confronted directly by his partner about it. And maybe he could shrug, pretend to be disappointed and wave his hands up in the air with a dismissive “oh no ! You caught me ! The surprise is ruined ! Can we get married now ?”. He wasn’t that lucky, even if Tenna had found the ring, he never brought it up. And so the proposal still weighed heavy in his mind, more so with each passing day.

 

As time went on, Spamton was starting to seriously doubt how committed he actually was to this whole marriage ordeal. Truly, if he was so in love with Tenna as he kept desperately claiming to be, wouldn’t this stuff come a little easier to him ? Wouldn’t he have jumped on the first occasion to lock Tenna down to him for life ? Maybe he wasn’t as much of a romantic as he tried convincing himself he was, or as much as Tenna kept reiterating when they were together.

Maybe Tenna’s standards were too low, a simple compliment or door opened was enough for him to blush and gush for hours on end. Spamton wasn’t really all his partner was trying to cut him out to be, and his multiple failed proposals were proof of that. Were they not ?

That evening feeling of a yearning for domesticity was nothing more than a fluke, he was starting to be certain of it. He’d just gotten caught up in the moment, it had been nothing more than that. Seeing Tenna sleeping so soundly, so comfortably close to him, had made Spamton believe that maybe he was ready for a normal life. But visibly, he wasn’t. It was so stupid, how could he have let himself believe that he could be anything more than a douche-bag scam artist ? The title of “husband” didn’t exactly suit his past records. He’d make a pretty lousy husband, all things considered. It was probably for the better if he forgot all about his plans of proposing. He’d make Tenna miserable within a year, if not less. And that would screw over the wonderful thing they had going on now, as well as their professional partnership.

What a stupid, stupid idea it had all been. All he could hope for now was that it wasn’t too late to return the ring, get a refund or exchange it for something else. He’d get Tenna one of those necklaces he’d been wanting, and he’d forget all about his foolish fantasies of engagement parties and wedding ceremonies.

 

And yet, he didn’t return the ring. Just like with his plans of proposals that kept being dismissed and tossed aside, he kept finding excuses not to return the piece of jewelry. After all, he had no real reason to go back to Cyber City anytime soon. Why make the detour ? How could he explain that to Tenna ? He had no meetings there, no business trips coming up. He could make one up, sure, but Tenna would inevitably find out that he was lying. He always did, at some point. Because he could read Spamton way better than the latter was willing to admit, much to his own despair.

So no, he didn’t return the ring. But that didn’t mean he was going to do anything with it. It could just sit in his drawer until his inevitable next visit to the city. And that was that.

Maybe he could tell Tenna about it in a few years, like it was some sort of funny story. The one time he’d bought a ring on a whim and actually thought they would get married. So ridiculous, right ? Well, when he said it like that, it didn’t sound like a funny story at all. He couldn’t imagine telling Tenna, not like this anyways. His partner wouldn’t be amused in the slightest, he’d felt like he was being made fun of. Like his biggest dream was just a joke to Spamton. It was for the best if he kept it to himself.

 

The time did come, eventually, for him to return to Cyber City. These past few months had been rather hectic, not only at the studio but in his personal life as well, and he’d all but forgotten about his other responsibilities. He’d gotten so used to working in tandem with Tenna, and concentrating all his energy on their studio, that he’d slightly neglected his main source of income. His auto repair shop, fuck, how could he forget ? It was only when he got some very distressed calls from his investors about the sudden drop in profit, that he realized he should probably check it out. Make sure he wasn’t on the verge of bankruptcy. That wouldn’t be good for him or for Tenna, considering how reliant they were on those profits for the studio itself. There was even a point, during his whole marriage craze, where he’d considered selling a share of the company to anybody who’d make a good offer. He’d have to stop worrying about it, still pocket some funds and use them for the wedding. But of course, he had given up that idea.

He explained to Tenna that he needed to go back to the city, just for a few days. He would oversee some things at the shop, maybe find someone trustworthy to replace him when he was away, even if trustworthy people did not exist in that godforsaken place, and have dinner with his investors to smooth things over. As disappointed as Tenna was to hear about his partner going away, even if it was just for a short while, he understood the importance of it. And so, Spamton left in the morning and took the ring with him.

 

It was only on his last day in the city, after endless meetings, calls and interviews that led nowhere, that Spamton remembered why he’d taken the ring with him at all. It was almost like second nature for him now, to always have it nearby in case he changed his mind about proposing, that he didn’t even pay attention to the small box in his pocket anymore. Even when his lover wasn’t here.

Return the ring. Yes, yes. That’s what he’d meant to do. That’s what he wanted to do. Damn, but he was so busy. How was he supposed to find a moment to slip away from all this madness to go back to that jewelry store ? He checked his schedule, already feeling a migraine coming on when he remembered tonight’s business dinner, and decided he’d do it tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow was good. It was his last night in the city, he’d have dinner with another number of uninteresting and egocentrical investors, and tomorrow morning he would quickly drop by the store before hitting the road. And all this would be nothing more than a silly memory. A silly, foolish, distant fantasy he could look back on and laugh bitterly about.

 

The business dinner went by horribly slowly, Spamton couldn’t help but notice. Sure, he liked talking money as much as the next guy, but he was terribly bored. He wasn’t putting on a very good show of being interested in the conversation the rest of the table was having. He was playing around with his food, resting his chin on his palm, wondering what Tenna was doing right now.

Tenna was usually the one who made business fun. He knew how to shake up a room, make light of the serious topics of discussions with quippy one-liners that got the clients laughing. It was his way of making them comfortable, building a sort of trust between them before selling off his idea. Spamton was usually just there to talk about technical numbers, it was really Tenna who did all the work of convincing. Even if he’d never give himself that credit, in his eyes it was Spamton who was the brain of their little operation.

But also, he made it fun because there was nothing better than making comments and jokes with him about whomever they were trying to currently butter up. When a client left to go to the bathroom, Tenna would lean over to Spamton, already giggling and snorting before any words even left his mouth. That was what was missing right now, someone to joke with. No, not someone. It was Tenna he wanted to joke with. With that realization, Spamton finally admitted to himself that he missed his lover terribly, much more so than his pride would allow.

 

He’d been so busy over the last few days, they’d barely been able to talk at all. How did Tenna feel about that ? That wasn’t really a question. He knew all too well in what kind of mood Tenna got when he was all alone. He’d get all glooby, snap at everyone and rewrite scripts obsessively while he awaited Spamton’s return. Every time he came home from his trips to Cyber City, the staff would treat Spamton as their savior, as he was the only one who knew how to counter and calm his partner’s manic state.

He sighed, thinking back on what Tenna was probably doing right now. Looking at the time, Spamton noticed it was right after the end of their usual evening broadcast. He was most likely in his dressing room, getting cleaned up before heading out for the night. Or, as was often the case when he didn’t want to come home to an empty house, stay working a few extra hours at the studio. Spamton's mouth formed a tight line, feeling remorse at the idea of his lover working to distract himself from his loneliness while he was stuck in this endless dinners with investors he did not even care to remember the names of. He missed Tenna, he missed him so much.

 

And so, for the first time in his life, Spamton declined the offer to go out and get drinks after dinner. He didn’t want to get a drink, he didn’t want to spend any more unnecessary time with these people as he’d already done. He wanted to call his partner. And that was what he did.

 

Sitting on the bed of his room in the mansion, Spamton first tried to call Tenna at home, half-hoping to find him all cozied up in bed with a new embroidery project started. But of course, after a few rings, it was quite obvious that no one was there. When Spamton called Tenna’s office, he answered on the first ring.

“Yellow ?”

God, he was so corny. How he had missed it.

“Hey, Superstar. It’s your favorite salesman here.”

A small gasp could be heard from the other end of the line, Tenna had most likely not expected Spamton to call him anytime soon. Or at least, not at this hour of the night.

“Spammy ! Hello ! Hi, hi, hi !” He greeted with unhidden happiness in his sweet voice. “How are you ? How come you’re calling me ? Having an early night ?

-I just finished my last business dinner of the week, thought I'd come back early and talk to ya.” He fiddled with the phone line, not knowing what else to do with his hands. “Is that weird ?”

He could practically hear his partner’s warm smile when he spoke again.

“No, no. Not at all. I’m pleasantly surprised ‘is all. So, how did your meetings go ? I heard they went super well.”

-How’d ya know ?

-I have my ways.

-Mike tell ya ?

-No ! … Maybe. But tell me more, I wanna hear it from the man himself !”

Tenna’s enthusiasm at his less than interesting schedule made Spamton chuckle. However, he was also harboring a migraine from all of these aforementioned meetings. And that was not his preferred choice of discussion for tonight. He wasn't about to monopolize the conversation, not when he’d been so desperate to hear Tenna’s voice.

“Fuckin’ hell, I just spent five days talkin’ ‘bout business for hours on end. I would love to talk about literally anythin’ else.

-Is that why you left dinner early ?” Tenna asked, an amused whistle in his tone. “Were they that boring ? It’s not as fun when I'm not here, right ?”

Spamton would never admit that his partner was absolutely spot on with his explanation.

“Yeah, I guess.” He admitted casually. “I also just uh… Wanted to talk to ya.

-Me ?”

He hesitated on his next choice of words.

“I miss ya.”

There was a small beat of silence, during which Spamton almost believed that the call had gotten cut somehow. But then, he heard Tenna let out a loud “awwww !” from his end of the phone, and he almost hung up right then and there.

“Oh ! Oh Spammy, you miss me !? That’s the cutest thing you’ve ever said to me ! Is that why you called ? You miss your lovely Tenna oh so, so much !”

Spamton felt his face heat up, and he was suddenly very thankful that his lover could not see him right now.

“Don’t push it.” He warned.

-But you’re so adorable, Spammy ! I miss you too !”

He couldn’t stay frustrated with Tenna, not when he sounded so happy at his partner’s confession. He imagined how fast his tail was wagging, delighted to finally be able to talk to Spamton after days of brief calls that mostly consisted of “hello” and “goodbye”. It was rather nice to talk again, he could practically feel the weight of the week slipping off his shoulders as he listened to Tenna going on and on about how the studio was doing.

He complained about the Pippins, when did he not ?And how everybody seemed antsy to finally have Spamton back on set. Even if he didn’t know why ! They were doing just as good without him. No offense, of course. And Spamton didn’t take any, he was just glad to listen to his lover babble away.

 

As Tenna spoke, Spamton's hand found his way to his pocket, where he realized the box had been all night. Had he seriously gone through the whole of his meetings with it on him ? Thank god no one noticed, the last thing he needed was for anyone to find out he carried an engagement ring around like it was nothing. Especially now that he was planning on giving it back.

“And so.” Tenna explained, unaware of what Spamton was currently holding in his hand. “That’s why I'm staying late tonight, I thought if I manage to get ahead of schedule, then next week we could take a night off and go somewhere. Just us two !

-That sounds good. I could use a little break.”

He couldn’t help but fidget with the box while his partner spoke. Maybe it was just because he was getting restless, but he opened the box to look at the round cut diamond ring sitting pristinely in its soft velvet pillow. He took it out, inspected it, like he hadn’t seen it a million times by now.

“Say, Spammy.” Tenna suddenly snapped him back to reality.

The ring slipped from his fingers, but luckily for him, it just fell in his lap instead of rolling on the floor. He almost let out a relieved sigh before remembering who he was on the phone with.

“Yes, baby ?”

-What do you miss most about me ?”

This time, he let out a sigh. An amused sigh, so it wasn’t anything bad. Tenna loved asking him these useless questions, he claimed it helped him feel better about his partner’s absence. Spamton often indulged him, but this time he felt like this one was a bit silly.

“Seriously, Tens ? Do I really gotta pick ?

-It’s just a question ! Do you wanna know what I miss most about you ?

-Do I have a choice ?”

-I miss your warmth."

The answer took Spamton aback slightly, he hadn't expected such a vulnerable truth from his partner. He should've known though, considering how mushy Tenna loved to get. But for some reason, he hadn't.

"I feel so…" Tenna hesitated on the word, even if he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say. "Lonely when you're not here. And cold. I mean, sure I can wrap myself up in as many blankets as I want, but it's not the same as you cuddling up to me."

Spamton wanted to protest the use of a term as stupid as "cuddling", yet he didn't have the heart to contradict Tenna. Imagining his lover all alone in their bed made his heart ache in a way he couldn't explain. Did Tenna hug his pillow and pretend it was Spamton ? Man. What a sad sight that probably was.

Tenna's voice picked up a cheery tone, probably trying to conceal how upset by his lonesome nights he actually was.

"I'm so excited for you to come home !" He exclaimed. "When do you leave again ?"

Spamton looked at the ring sitting in the palm of his hand, and thought back on his cleared up schedule. Truly, if he was completely honest with his partner, he'd admit that he could've actually made the drive back tonight, since he'd finished everything he was supposed to. However, he still hadn't found an occasion to stop by the jewelry store. That was the last thing he needed to do before heading back. He couldn't tell Tenna that, though.

"Probably late afternoon." He continued. "I still got some things to wrap up here and there, but I promise I'll be back in time for bed.

-Hurray ! Lucky, lucky me !"

A giggle made it's way out of Tenna's mouth, sending shivers down Spamton's spine as he listened to the sound lovingly. Despite having heard Tenna laugh approximately a thousand times now, he still found himself enthralled by the sound of it. It felt like a warm kiss on his cheek, even if it was nothing more than a noise transmitted through a phone. He loved it, he could listen to it all day.

"I missed your voice." Spamton confessed.

A surprised "oh ?" came from Tenna's end of the line.

"R-really ?" Tenna asked, slightly embarrassed. "My voice ?

-Yeah." God, he was about to say something so stupidly sappy it pissed him off. "It's not the same without you around. I got so used to always hearin' ya mumblin' or humin' 'round me, my day feels really dull without it."

The ring felt suddenly very heavy in his hand as he awaited for his lover's reaction.

"Spammy…" Tenna sounded so unbelievably happy, his own name had never sounded sweeter leaving his lover's mouth. "You're gonna make me cry… !

-Don't cry, ya big baby.

-But you're just so sweet… ! I can't wait to see you again !"

A small smile drew itself on Spamton's lips, he felt his heart hammering away in his chest with excitement at the prospect of being reunited with Tenna.

"I can't wait either, doll. Promise me ya won't be goin' home too late tonight ?"

He heard Tenna shuffling papers around, as if he suddenly realized that he was indeed still lingering around his office despite the late hour it already was. There were sounds of mumbled excuses, as if he was worried Spamton would get mad at him for his workaholic tendencies. We all had our vices, didn't we ?

"Yes, yes, yes ! Goodness, you're right ! That would be for the better, I should head out."

Spamton hummed in agreement. He wanted to look out the window of his room, like he subconsciously wanted to see the studio from where he was. That was impossible, it was too far. All he could see was his own reflection, as the darkness contrasted with the light in his room. He was holding the phone in one hand and the ring in another. His cheeks were an embarrassing shade of pink. He looked ridiculous.

"Are you going to bed soon, Spammy ?

-I guess so." He answered "We should get as much rest as we can, 'cause I don't think we'll be sleepin' much tomorrow night."

Another low giggle escaped Tenna. He tried faking his shock at the claim, taking on a scandalized tone as he dismissed Spamton.

"Oh- ! Oh, you fiend ! Couldn't leave without making a dirty comment now, could you ?

-Ya know me."

The couple shared a laugh. Whether it be from amusement at Tenna's over the top reaction or from their shared delight at their imminent reunion mattered little to Spamton. Maybe it was a bit of both.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then. I love you, goodnight !

-I love ya too."

Tenna made a kissing sound from the other end of the phone, much to Spamton's dismay, and promptly hung up.

 

After setting the phone down, Spamton fell back on his bed, eyes unfocused and wandering until they set on what he had in his hand. He held up the ring to his face, as if staring at it more than he'd already had would somehow give him the answer he was looking for.

The ring was taunting him with hesitation, he had no doubt about it. The more he looked, the more it felt like it was talking to him. Not literally, he hadn't completely lost his marbles yet. But he could always hear this annoying voice calling out to him : "you love him ! You really, really love him, don't you ? You don't really want to return me. You want to marry him ! Stop lying to yourself, Spamton. This is just getting sad."

But he'd said he'd give the ring back. He knew it was useless, he knew he was no good for Tenna. Not in the long run at least. Wasn't he begging on borrowed time, anyways ? What was the point ? This could only end in disaster. And yet, when he held the piece of jewelry firmly against his chest, Spamton realized that the little voice was right. He didn't really want to return it, that's why he was putting it off. That's why, during this entire trip, he'd kept saying that he'd simply go tomorrow. Tomorrow was finally upon him, yet he didn't want it to be.

He sprung up, the window's reflection painted a picture of a wild man, someone who had finally made one good decision in his life. Fuck tomorrow, he hated the idea of tomorrow. Why didn't he just come home tonight ? It was a long drive, sure, but it'd be worth it if it meant he'd be with Tenna sooner than tomorrow. And most importantly, he refused to give the ring back. Yes, maybe he wouldn't propose as soon as he wished, but he needed the reassurance that he still had the opportunity to when the time was finally right. And so, he left Cyber City in such a flagrant hurry that he almost felt like he was fleeing a crime scene.

 

Maybe it was because of the rush of adrenaline he experienced while speeding on the highway, but Spamton felt weirdly rejuvenated when he arrived in front of the house's door. His heart was beating fast, yet again he blamed it on the adrenaline, and he suddenly felt stupid for showing up empty handed. He liked bringing Tenna a little souvenir from his trips, it was just a way of showing his partner that he was thinking of him even while he was away. Tenna always loved them, no matter how last minute or silly they were. But, of course, considering how he'd packed his things in such a hurry, he hadn't thought about bringing home a little something. No matter, his early arrival would be enough of a gift in Tenna's mind.

 

He softly opened the door, afraid that the creaking sound would wake Tenna up. He doubted Tenna was sleeping, if he had to be completely honest. But, on the off chance that he was, he wanted to be the one surprising him by snuggling next to him in bed.

He stepped inside, making the hard wood floor call out his presence. It was such a little noise, however, it probably didn't matter. He hung his jacket, took off his shoes and left his things in the hallway, considering them to be a problem for next morning. The smell of home hit him harder than he'd anticipated, you would almost believe he'd been gone for months, not just a measly little week. He'd become way too soft.

 

As soon as he turned the corner of the hallway, entering the living room as quietly as he could manage, Spamton was immediately met with Tenna's bright screen looking right at him from the couch. He was holding one of Spamton's shirts in his hand, visibly in the middle of embroidering something on it. There was only one lamp turned on, emitting a faint orange glow from the opposite side of where Tenna was sitting, but his screen was enough light for Spamton to put a hand in front of his eyes, blinded. He hadn't expected to find Tenna here. And, from the looks of it, Tenna hadn't expected to see him at all.

There was a long second of silence. Spamton hesitated making a corny comment, saying some stupid shit like "hey honey, I'm home". But before he could say anything, Tenna stood up. He rushed towards him, feet slipping on the floor's rug because he was running carelessly fast. He almost fell face first, but managed to catch himself at the last minute. And then, Spamton was lifted up from the floor, twirled around before Tenna squeezed him against his chest. He felt like a rag doll, but it wasn't a bad way to be welcomed back.

"Spammy ! Spamton !" Tenna all but yelled in his face. "What !? How !? You're back, you're back early ! But why !? We spoke on the phone not even- well, I guess it was already a couple hours ago- but still ! You're back ! You're really back !"

As much as he would love to answer his partner's interrogation, Spamton couldn't breath due to how hard Tenna was squeezing him. He pat his arm, and Tenna softened his grip. He didn't let go of him, though, he probably wouldn't for another week or so.

"Happy to see me ?" Spamton asked, a smug grin on his face.

-Of course I'm happy ! I'm so happy ! Oh Spammy, you're really here !" He pampered his face in loving, static kisses. A flower bloomed on the end of his nose, and Spamton had to be the one to swat it away. "You never come back early, what happened ? I thought you still had things to do tomorrow ?"

Right. Yes. How should he put this ? He suddenly realized that he did not want to return the secret ring he'd secretly bought to plan a surprise proposal ? No. Of course, he wasn't going to say that. Just stay elusive, that was the best strategy.

"It was just some stupid shit, they can manage without me. I decided it was more important to come home to see my beautiful partner." He put his hands on Tenna's cheeks. "How 'bout ya give me a proper kiss, now ?"

Tenna smiled and eagerly put his lips on top of his partner's warm ones. It was an electrifying kiss, quite literally, considering the little sparks of static it left on Spamton's mouth. He'd gotten used to the feeling, even welcoming it back with open arms. He loved every little quirk Tenna had, no matter how odd they may be. What a sappy thought to have.

The kiss didn't last as long as Spamton would've liked it to. Considering how hard Tenna was smiling and giggling, it was getting hard to kiss him properly without accidentally clacking teeth or having a flower bloom in his face. He pulled away to look at his lover's bright screen, to which he'd gotten accustomed to.

"Did'ya like your surprise ?

-Of course ! I love it, I love it so much ! I'm so happy to see you again, it's been too long !"

Spamton didn't want to admit he shared the sentiment. How ridiculous was it, for them to not even be able to spend one week apart anymore ?

"You really missed me that much ?" Tenna continued, a bashful blush spreading across his cheeks as his tail wagged happily.

-I missed ya so badly, Tens. I couldn't stand the thought of ya spendin' one more night alone." He confessed. "I just wanted to come home."

Tenna's bottom lip wobbled, and Spamton was fully expecting him to burst into tears. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence after they'd been separated for some while.

 

But something looked, or felt, different this time. Clearly, Tenna had been doing some thinking, and that was never a good sign.

"Hey." Spamton muttered softly. "Ant, baby. Somethin' the matter ? Ya seem upset.

-What ? Me ? Upset ?" He laughed too loudly for comfort. "No ! I just told you, I'm super happy. I'm over the moon right now ! Isn't that obvious ?"

Spamton wasn't buying his act. Tenna wasn't buying his own act, either.

"Ant." He insisted. "Talk to me. Talk to your favorite guy."

Tenna looked around nervously, like he was trying to gather his words before answering. His tail swatted the air, a clear sign that something was indeed wrong. He set Spamton down before finally speaking up.

"It's stupid. You're gonna laugh at me.

-When have I ever done that ?" Tenna furrowed his brows sternly. "When it mattered ! I mean- c'mon, tell me. I promise I won't laugh."

There was a second of hesitation, but like these kinds of conversations always went with Tenna, words started pouring out of him faster than he could stop them.

"I just- I feel like you- I feel like you changed these past few months." Oh no. What did that mean ? "Not in a bad way or anything, quite the contrary actually. You've been so… How do I put this ? Sweet ? Caring ? Affectionate ?" Was he not all of these things before ? Yikes, Spamton. It was about time he got a grip. "You've been inviting me out to all these dates, you get me presents, you pay more attention to the little things… And now this !" An embarrassed laugh made it's way out of Tenna's lips, finding his own paranoia ridiculous. "I'm really, really happy. I am, I swear. But it just worries me, I guess."

Spamton's throat felt dry, he didn't know what to say to any of that. And so, of course, he got defensive.

" 'M sorry ? Why does that worry you ? Is that not a good thing ? I thought you'd be into all that lovey-dovey shit.

-Spamton, are you dying ?"

What ?

"What ?

-You…" Tenna felt silly, he wanted to take his question back but it was too late. "You act like a dying man.

Spamton hated the sound of that claim.

"What is that even supposed to mean ?

-I don't know ! You spend more time with me, you're softer, nicer… It's like you're running out of time and want to make the best of it. Are you… Sick ? Did something happen ?"

Dread creeped up Spamton's back, chilling his skin like a cold shower he wanted desperately to get out of.

"I'm not sick, Tenna. Why would you even- ? Where do you get ideas like that ?

-But you would tell me if you were, right ?

-I'm not. Could you stop saying stuff like that ? It's creepy."

As soon as the word left his mouth, Spamton knew he'd spoken too quickly. What was he thinking ? He could already see Tenna shrinking slowly in front of him.

"I mean- damn it. No, Tenna, listen…" He tried soothing him. "Ya gotta admit, it's a bit creepy to ask me if I'm dyin'. But I didn't mean it like that, I know ya can't help it.

-I'm just worried about you…

-I know. But there ain't nothin' to be worried 'bout."

 

Despite being still taller than him, Tenna was now small enough that Spamton could wrap his arms around his waist and pull him in for a hug. His partner rested his screen in Spamton's soft hair, trying his hardest not to cry.

"I hadn't even realized I'd been doin' all that. It's a good thing, though, isn't it ? 'M gettin' better at all this relationship stuff.

-You've always been a good lover to me."

Spamton pursed his lips. As much as he wanted to protest, he didn't.

"Sure, Cathode. But I ain't dyin', I just wanted to spoil ya. Ya can't be mad at me for that, right ?" He kissed Tenna's screen, holding him as tightly as he could as he pressed their bodies together. "Besides, ya love it when I plan dates for us, don't ya ?

-I guess I do.

-Ya guess ?" Spamton faked a hurt gasp. "Maybe I should go back to lettin' ya do all the work, then."

Much to his delight, Tenna let out a low laugh at his answer. Good, that was good. He was finally getting these stupid ideas out of his head.

"What ? And now you're laughin' at me ? I didn't take ya for that kinda guy. I'm hurt, Tens.

-No ! I'm not laughing at you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry !" The amusement in his voice told an entire different story. "You're right, I do love it when you take me out on dates."

A sly grin drew itself on Spamton's lips. He kissed Tenna's screen, pampering him in as much attention as he possibly could. It seemed to make Tenna feel better, as he started growing back to his original size until finally Spamton couldn't reach his cheeks without being lifted up by his partner. He giggled, letting Spamton kiss his lips again until both were satisfied enough to tear away from one another.

"Such a princess." Spamton mocked. "Always gotta be complainin' 'bout something.

-I'm sorry. I was just-

-Worried. Yeah, yeah I get it." He dismissed the claim with a wave of his hand. "But I'm serious. Ya don't have anything to be worried 'bout. So, let's just move on, alright ?"

Tenna slowly nodded his head, trying his best to fight against the multitude of doubts clouding his mind. He wanted to believe Spamton's reassuring words, for once. And so, he fought back against his instincts.

"Yes, alright. I'm sorry, I really… Killed the mood."

Spamton rolled his eyes, almost agreeing with Tenna that yes, asking him about his imminent death was kind of a buzz kill. He didn't say that, of course, he wasn't about to harbor on the idea of his possible death any longer than he already had to.

"Don't sweat it, baby. Now come give me a kiss."

He pressed his mouth to Tenna's soft lips, kissing him lovingly as a quiet way to comfort him. Tenna all but melted against him, putting his hand on his partner's back and pressing him closer. It was kind of funny, to have such a big Darkner become a gushy, mushy mess with one simple kiss. But, it was one of the many things Spamton adored about him. He wasn't about to complain about it, he was truly so, so lucky.

They shared a few more sweet kisses, but it was getting quite obvious that Tenna was starting to get a bit restless. His fingers fidgeted around Spamton's clothes, not daring to ask him to take them off but also not being very subtle about his wants. Spamton unwillingly ripped himself away from his lover's lips, a knowing grin plastered on his face.

"D'ya wanna go to the bed-

-Yes."

At least they both agreed on that.

 

It was only the next morning, when Spamton awoke cuddled up against Tenna's naked body, that he realized not giving back that engagement ring was probably the sole good decision he had made in his life. The game was on again, he'd need to find the right moment to propose. It would come, eventually, it had to. And he'd be patient, even if it meant waiting indefinitely for the perfect occasion to occur. He just couldn't afford to fuck this up. Not if it was for Tenna.

 

---

 

Believe it or not, the perfect evening did end up happening. It hadn't been planned, these kinds of moments never were, and maybe that was what made it so perfect.

 

The couple were simply on their way home, a long day of incessant meetings, complaints and script rewrites behind them. There wasn't much comfort in that thought, considering all these same issues were still awaiting them tomorrow morning. But right now, they were done, if only for a few hours. Tenna sat in the passenger seat of the car, massaging the back of his neck as he complained about how sore it was from having to look down at papers the whole day. Spamton could relate, tracing circles over his temples and grumbling about a headache that made his eye twitch from pain the whole afternoon. They both laughed, sharing a sort of relief from knowing this day had been exhausting for them both.

Tenna tilted his head to the side, looking at Spamton with that same flustered smile he always harbored when he had something to say, but knew his partner would make fun of him for how corny it would sound. Sometimes Spamton ignored him, or at least he used to. These days he found himself indulging his sappiness more and more often. He even found himself yearning for his sweet comments after a particularly rough day. And today had been one of those days, so sue him, he was curious enough to ask what his lover was thinking about.

"I was just thinking about how grateful I am for you." Tenna admitted, a timid blush on his screen. "It's nice to have someone by my side. I used to do this all alone, and sometimes it was too much for me to handle." He put a hand on his cheek, still smiling like a love-struck fool. "But now you're here. And it's so much better."

Spamton felt his own face heat up at his partner's words. He tried not taking his attention off the road, it was quite a challenge when he could just feel the way Tenna was focusing on nothing but him. His tail thumped softly against the leather seat of the car, the rhythmic sound of it matched Spamton's own erratic heartbeat as the words replayed on loop in his mind. So much better. He had made Tenna's life better. He took a deep breath in, trying his hardest not to break out into the stupidest grin he would ever put on. When he spoke up, the words came out clunky and hesitant, instead of cool and suave like he had wanted to do.

"Ya like it better with me 'round ?

-Yeah, of course I do. Did you ever have any doubts about that ?

-No." he lied. "But it's still nice to hear ya say it.

-Oh, Spammy…"

His windshields whippers moved automatically, cleaning away the soft snowflakes that were falling on his car window. They made a little sound, much like Tenna's tail, and Spamton felt like he was crazy for noticing all these insignificant details. The car was humming, Tenna was smiling, screen fixated on him with such obvious love and affection that he didn't dare looking back at him. Feeling almost shy. Well no, shy wasn't the right word, not for a grown man. He was nervous, flustered ? He couldn't tell. His mind was rushing, until he came to all but one conclusion : this was it. This was it. This was the perfect moment he had been waiting for. He didn't know how but he knew this was it. Even if they were tired, stressed and whatnot, he just knew that if he didn't propose tonight, he would regret it forever.

 

As casually as his nerves allowed him to be, Spamton softly put one hand on top of Tenna's, giving it a little squeeze.

"Say." Spamton found his voice thick with fear as he tried working out a plan in the approximate 5 seconds he had. "How 'bout we don't go home just yet ?"

Tenna seemed surprised, brows furrowing with confusion. He looked out the window, like he was expecting to see them pulling up in the lot of a restaurant as a surprise or anything else. But Spamton hadn't thought about that. He hadn't thought about anything at all. All he knew was that this moment felt right, and that was more than enough for him right now.

"What do you mean ?" Tenna asked. "Where do you wanna go ? I really don't feel like driving all the way to Cyber City tonight.

-No, no, no. Not Cyber City." He clarified. "I was thinkin' we just stop somewhere and uh… Hangout."

Right. Hangout. As two fully grown adults often did. Tenna was even more confused now, not understanding where any of this was going. There was what Spamton first believed to be a flash of comprehension drawing itself on Tenna's screen. He shook his head, taking on an incredulous tone like his partner was being ridiculous.

"Spamton, last time we did it in your car you got angry at me for scratching your precious seats, so I am not-

-No !" His face flushed. "That's not what I meant by hangin' out.

-What ? Then what did you mean ? I don't get it.

-I just- I was just thinkin' we could go somewhere and uh. Stargaze ?"

The word felt silly. The whole thing seemed idiotic. Spamton felt absolutely ridiculous for going about this the way he did. And yet, when Tenna answered, he seemed quite interested in the proposition.

"Really ? Stargazing ?

-If ya want."

He smiled again, nodding excitedly as he let Spamton drive them anywhere he pleased.

 

After some mindless driving around, during which Spamton kept practicing his long forgotten speech in his head, the couple did end up finding a suitable spot to park in for a while. It was one of the snowy cliffs, a bit out of the periphery of the studio. It was quiet, but there was quite a lovely view of the night sky from here. Neither of them came around these parts much, as there wasn't anything to do or to see. However, right now, this was exactly the type of place that Spamton needed.

Spamton got out of the car first, opening the passenger door for Tenna like the gentleman that he was. Okay, he wasn't really, but he could pretend to be for tonight. Tenna seemed enchanted by the gesture, giggling softly as he took Spamton's helping hand and stepped out of the car himself too. They made their way around, sitting on the hood as they both stared up into the darkness ahead of them, enthralled. As to not crush the car when sitting on it, Tenna had remained a reasonable size to be able to scoot closer to Spamton without pushing him off completely. He laid his head on top of his partner's, his soft black hair tickled Tenna's screen, but he didn't mind. Spamton also didn't mind the fact he was getting a bit squashed by his lover, he liked it well enough if it meant Tenna was close to him.

The sky was dark, as it always was, the only distinction being the million of little white dots dispersed across it's horizon.

"It's a nice view, I have to give you that." Tenna said after a while.

Spamton shrugged, too nervous to really be able to focus on what was in front of him.

"Yeah." He simply answered, a knot forming in his throat.

"You can even see the stars, we don't get to see that every night.

-D'ya think they're really stars ?

-What else would they be ?

-I don't know. I guess we don't really know what they're doin' up there. Maybe some fucker just forgot to turn off the lights."

Tenna let out the beginning of a laugh before he gently shoved Spamton away from him. Spamton almost fell off the hood, but he managed to catch himself last minute well enough that Tenna never even noticed that little slip up.

"Spammy ! Don't be so rude, goodness. You have such a filthy mouth."

The latter couldn't help but smile, amused by his partner's choice of words. He took Tenna's hand and interlaced their fingers together, leaning closer to him.

"Ya love my filthy mouth.

-I do not !

-That's not what ya said last night.

-Spamton !"

This time, it was Spamton who burst out laughing at his lover's flustered tone. He couldn't help it, not when Tenna's screen flashed a bright shade of pink as he crossed his arms, acting like he was annoyed by the other's teasing remarks. He turned away from Spamton, but the wagging of his tail immediately gave him away. Spamton caressed his back, putting his hands on his waist while pampering tiny kisses on the side of his head.

"C'mon, baby." Spamton cooed. "Don't turn your back on your favorite guy !"

As much as Tenna tried protesting and pushing his partner off, it only took a few seconds before his facade melted away and he broke out into a huge smile. Spamton knew his weaknesses way too well for him to be able to resist him any longer. He continued kissing him, his mouth trailing down to his lover's neck, which caused Tenna to let out an embarrassed squeal of delight. This time, he turned around to face Spamton, holding him by his shoulders to push him away in a vain attempt to get a hold of himself.

"Stop it ! That tickles !

-But you're so cute, how am I supposed to stop ?

-Spammy, don't be silly.

- Just one more ?

-Oh, you… Come here."

Tenna put his hands on Spamton's face, tracing circles on his cheeks before kissing him lovingly. A low sigh escaped them both. A rush of adrenaline ran through Spamton, making his heart jump in his chest when he felt his lover's lips against his own. It was soft, quiet, but filled with so much affection that it almost felt suffocating. He shifted nervously, feeling the box in his pocket calling out to him, practically begging to be taken out. To finally jump ship, after months of excuses and hesitation. This was it, he knew this was it. This time he was ready. But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy a bit more of his lover's sweet kisses before he started his big speech.

 

It took a little while longer before they finally managed to rip away from one another. Tenna nuzzled his nose against Spamton's, sending a wave of static through him, making his hair puff up comically. This would usually annoy Spamton, who was always so careful about the way he styled his hair in the morning, but he couldn't stay mad at Tenna when he was giggling like that. No matter that he was the butt of the joke, he found himself to be unable to care about that right now. Not when he was about to change Tenna's life for the better, again.

He swallowed hard, almost choking on his own spit before speaking up.

"Hey, Tens. Can I, uh. Can I ask ya somethin' ?"

His partner's antennae perked up curiously. His giggles were cut short by the seemingly very serious question Spamton was about to lay out for him. It was Tenna's turn to start feeling worried.

"Of course you can. What's going on ?"

For someone who made a living out of scamming people out of their money, Spamton suddenly found his public speaking skills to be less than ideal in this very moment. His palms started sweating, which was just ridiculous. But not as ridiculous as the way his heart was violently beating in his chest, making him nauseous with how nervous he was. Tenna looked at him with a patient smile, even if he could guess some hidden apprehension at the sudden change of demeanor his partner exhibited.

"D'ya ever think 'bout our future together ?" He asked, voice thick and unsure.

Tenna didn't have to think about the question, he'd always known the answer.

"Yes. All the time." This was the part that made him anxious. "Why do you ask ?"

A speech. He had prepared a speech. Of course he had, it was the first thing he did, before he'd even bought the ring. He'd thought about what he would tell Tenna when the time was finally right. He had written so many different drafts of what he wanted to say, how he should say them, when he should say them. It was so important for him to get this right. He'd rehearsed the script a million times in his office, so much so that he was worried he would start muttering it in his sleep. It almost felt like a performance, the most nerve-wracking performance he would ever give.

And yet, right now, as his beautiful Tenna awaited his answer with his head slightly tilted to the side, Spamton's mind went completely blank. Because of course it did, why would anything ever go his way ? His mouth formed a straight line, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead, chilling him to the bone. Think. Think. He didn't even remember how words sounded anymore. His mouth spoke before anything he said even reached his brain.

"I've just been thinkin'. Hum. You and me ? We've been together for a little while now, right ?"

Dread seemed to make Tenna's screen falter for half a second. Spamton almost felt like he should forget about the speech and cut right to the chase. But he knew what he wanted to say, he just needed to remember it. Quickly, please.

"I guess a little while is one way to put it, yes.

-Yeah. And things between us are-" He laughed, his nerves getting the better of him. "Things are goin' really great. Haven't they ? I mean- fuck. Wait, let me start over."

Tenna didn't understand what was happening, and it was starting to scare him.

"Spamton, what are you talking about ?

-Just listen to me. Okay, baby ?"

As anxious as this was making him, Tenna nodded slowly. Spamton sighed, relieved, and took one of his partner's hands into his. He could already imagine the ring around his finger, where it rightfully belonged, and that simple vision was enough to give him the courage he needed.

"Ant, meetin' ya was the best thing that ever happened to me." It was slowly coming back to him. It was about damn time. "Before I knew ya I was just- I was successful, yes. But I was real unhappy, which I never understood. I thought I had gotten everythin' I ever wanted, but there was still this weird, empty feeling 'side my chest every day when I woke up. But then, I met ya." Tenna had never listened so carefully to anything Spamton had ever said before, every word seemed to make his heart beat a million miles an hour. "And when I finally stopped bein' a real eccentric asshole and finally stayed the night… That first morning where I woke up next to ya, I didn't feel so empty anymore. And that. Uh. Yeah, that was probably the best thing that could've ever happened to a douche bag like me. And- y'know- by thing, I mean ya."

Tenna put a hand on his cheek, which were a deep shade of red. His lips formed a wobbly smile, it was easy to guess Spamton's uncharacteristically loving words were making him emotional. Spamton couldn't help but smile too, finally feeling some confidence about his decision to propose. This was it, he reiterated for the hundredth time tonight, this was what he had been desperately yearning for. Tenna couldn't help but talk again, his words laced with affection.

"That is the sweetest thing-

-I'm not done.

-Oh my." Tenna looked ready to burst into tears of joy. "Okay. Please, continue."

Before his speech could slip away from him again, Spamton cleared his throat and spoke up. This time his voice came out clearer, and so much smoother than before.

"Where I'm gettin' at is that. What I mean is that, hum, I want to keep wakin' up by your side. Everyday, for the rest of time. 'Cause you're the love of my life, Ant. And I-" His face flushed, this all seemed too much for him to handle, but he forced the words out anyways. "I want us to finally close the deal."

A gasp escaped Tenna's lips, his face bursting into the brightest blush Spamton had ever seen from him. Obviously, a pretty pink flower bloomed on the end of his nose as tears threatened to stain his screen from pure joy. Joy wasn't even the right word, he looked ecstatic. He answered, voice trailing off into a high pitch towards the end.

"Spamton, are you saying that- that you- !"

Spamton slowly reached for his pocket, ready to take out the box and ask the question he had been waiting to ask for months.

"Tenna, will-

-You're gonna sign my contract !"

 

Tenna's claim overpowered Spamton's voice. He found himself taken aback by it. If not more. All of the air had been knocked out of his lungs as he realized what Tenna had, not asked, but assured. His hand dropped, his entire body deflated. He stared on at Tenna, his smile stuck in an awkward position. No, no, no. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. This wasn't what Tenna was supposed to have wanted. He should've- well- what was he supposed to have done ? To have understood ? Spamton didn't know, but this wasn't it. This wasn't what he had planned, this wasn't what he wanted to talk about. The whiplash Tenna's assumption gave Spamton was so brutal that he felt dizzy, like he had just gotten punched to the face. Not just one punch, but more like a repeated beating, as Tenna's grin had been the brightest one Spamton had ever seen him display in all of their years together.

The beat of silence that followed was more telling about the situation than any other words could've ever said. Only when Spamton started slowly shaking his head, his subconscious moving for him, did Tenna realize he was wrong. When he finally decided to break the horrifying tension, he sounded way more heartbroken than what Spamton could've ever anticipated. Spamton tried to explain, but he was completely besides himself.

"Ant, I-

-What is wrong with you ?" Tenna exclaimed. "What is this ? Is this some kind of cruel prank ? Are you making fun of me ?

-No ! I would never do that, Tenna, I was gonna- !"

Tenna didn't let him speak, which was just perfect. This was exactly what Spamton needed right now.

"Oh really ? You would never do that ? Then what is this, Spamton ? You get my hopes up, talk about our future together and then you- you throw it back in my face like it's some kind of sadistic punchline ? Well, you got me ! I totally believed you. You happy ? Is my sad little face what you wanted to see ?

-I wasn't talkin' 'bout the contract, I was-

-Oh, save the excuses for someone stupid ! What else could you have been talking about !?"

If Spamton could only get a sentence in, he'd be able to explain everything. But Tenna wasn't letting him, of course he wasn't. There he went, getting into one of his moods again, where he wouldn't listen to reason because no one was right except him. Spamton shook his head again, watching in real time as another stupid proposal crumbled away to nothing more than wasted words and opportunities. He felt control slipping from his grasp as his partner started shrinking, visibly upset. Upset wasn't the right word, he was absolutely devastated. Typical Tenna, the bitter thought came to him faster than he could realize what it meant, he was always too much. It was never going to work out. Not if Spamton wanted things to be perfect. Tenna would always get in the way of his own proposal by simply being himself. How ironic. And the worst part was that he had no idea.

"I don't understand, Spamton." Tenna continued, tinier than before. "Why don't you want to sign this contract ? It's just a piece of paper, I know, you've told me that a thousand times. But it means so much to me, and it would finally make our partnership official.

-Will ya just listen to me- ?

-I've done enough listening. I'm sick and tired of your excuses. Give me one good reason of why you can't sign that contract. Just one ! That's all I'm asking for and then I'll stop."

To say that Spamton felt sick would be undermining it. His head was swimming, trying to come up with a lie as fast as he possibly could. Stupid, he was such an idiot. Think, come on Spamton, this was what you did best. Just lie, just say something. Idiot, what a fucking idiot he was ! How did he ever think that this would turn out okay ? What had gotten into him ? Marriage ? He laughed internally at himself for being such a fool. He wasn't allowed such luxuries. He wasn't even allowed to sign Tenna's contract. It had been made very clear that bad things would happen if he did. Then what did he expect of a marriage license ? Would that have been okay ? No. It wouldn't have been possible either. The realization of his delusions came crashing down on him much harder than he'd anticipated. What a stupid fucking dream it had been.

He turned away from Tenna, finding himself unable to look at him any longer. His head felt heavy, he brought his knees close to his chest and rested it on them. His hands shook badly, not with excitement at the prospect of his new life with his lover, but at the imminent end of his current one. Shit. Shit. Shit. What was he supposed to say ? He imagined himself telling the truth, for once in his life. He could tell Tenna everything : that he was a fraud, that he wasn't the man he'd made himself out to be. That his life was controlled by forces he couldn't even understand. That he'd selfishly wanted to bring Tenna down with him, legally binding him to his misery with something that couldn't easily be undone. Maybe the only thing he'd wanted from Tenna was the notion that if he died, he wouldn't die alone. He didn't have the words for that. Of course he didn't. How do you explain that to someone who looked at you everyday like you'd hung up the moon and the stars in the sky ? Spamton couldn't. He simply couldn't.

"I told ya." His voice sounded far away, even to himself. "I can't."

He felt Tenna put his hand on his back, the warmth of it grounding him back to reality. Even if it brought minimal comfort.

"I'm sorry." His lover said. He wasn't stupid, even he could see when he'd gone too far. "I just… I want it so much. I always thought of the contract as the first step into a new life together. Side by side."

Spamton felt guilty. He knew how badly Tenna wanted it. He wanted it too, desperately so. But he didn't even have a life to offer. His own life hadn't been his for so much longer than he could remember. How could he have let himself believe there was any other outcome to this ? He was a goner.

"I can't, Tenna." He said again, it being the only thing that he could think of. "I can't do that.

-Why not ? What are you not telling me ?"

Silence, yet again. Snow started falling, making Spamton shiver. Another lie. It wasn't the snow's fault, but he couldn't dwell on it right now. Tenna continued softly caressing his back.

"I… I really do love you. You know that, right Spammy ?" Tenna continued, he had always been terrible at keeping quiet. "I know this contract it- it might seem scary to you. But I promise, if you ever do end up signing it, you won't regret it. I'll be the best partner you could ever dream of." Spamton wanted to tell him to shut up, but he didn't. "And- can you imagine how amazing it would be ? We could be co-hosts, forever ! You and me ! Everybody would know us, everybody would know that- well, they would know that we belong together. Wouldn't that be so romantic, Spammy ? Could you imagine it ?"

He was imagining it, alright. He had done nothing but imagine this for the past few months. But hearing Tenna say it, it made him realize what a stupid and childish fantasy it had all been. And yet, despite knowing it was impossible, he couldn't help but slip away into this beautiful picture that Tenna was painting for him.

"Everybody would know that I'm yours, and that you're mine." Tenna all but purred. "We'd be the talk of the town. Screw that, we'd be the talk of the kingdom ! We'd be unstoppable forces ! And, most importantly, anyone who's ever doubted you would reel in jealousy. They'll be so mad that they ever doubted Spamton G. Spamton."

The way his name rolled off Tenna's tongue sent shivers down his spine.

As much as Spamton tried ignoring him, he couldn't deny that he saw the appeal in that idea. He wanted to protest, to tell Tenna to drop the subject and leave him be, but his ego was getting the better of him. Tenna always did know how to get in his head.

"Ya think so ?"

Tenna perked up, finally feeling like he was getting through to his partner.

"Oh yes, definitely. You'd be all anyone would talk about for years. You'd become the face of excellency, the face of success. Self made success, none the less ! People would love you, adore you, they would be so jealous of us." Tenna squeezed his shoulders, his words sinking into Spamton's mind. Maybe it was because they felt like a safety net that Spamton let them. They felt like an anchor back to a reality that didn't exist, but that Spamton loved so much more than the one he was currently stuck in. "And we would be together, forever. Don't you wanna be with me ? With your beautiful, wonderful Tenna ? Don't you love me ?"

Spamton snapped his head to look at his partner, sudden dread at the idea that Tenna would think this rejection was his own fault.

"I love ya, ya know that.

-Then what are we waiting for ?"

If Spamton was a smarter man than what he was, he'd have reiterated the status quo. He couldn't sign his contract, it was as simple as that. Let it go, he should've told him, it was never going to work. If he was a brave man, maybe he'd have confessed to Tenna that he was scared. He was terrified of the consequences his actions could bring down on him, worried they would affect his partner too. He'd beg for his help, to find a way out of this together, for them to finally be happy. For Spamton to finally be free of the constant dread he felt every time he heard a phone ringing. But Spamton wasn't smart, nor was he brave. So he didn't say anything, not until Tenna took his hands into his palms.

"Please, Spamton ? I promise that I'll stay by your side no matter what happens."

I can't ask that of you, he wanted to answer. No sound came out of his mouth however, because it was exactly what he'd wanted to hear. It was like something snapped in him, causing a dissonance in his thoughts. He blamed Tenna and his sweet words, they filled him with so much more hope than he'd experienced in a long, long while. He wanted to believe him, he longed for his partner's promises to be true. He knew he shouldn't, he knew it was a bad idea. Yet, he was tired of fighting against it, tired of running. He wanted his life to be his again, to be able to make his own decisions, to be able to keep waking up next to Tenna in the morning without having to worry about if it was the last time he would see him.

Maybe, if Tenna stayed like he had promised, this was his ticket out of hell.

"Okay." His answer left his lips in a heavy sigh, like he was finally allowing himself to breathe again.

-Okay ?

-Yeah, okay. I'll do it."

Tenna took a second to realize what this meant, and then he jumped on Spamton, kissing his face furiously with the same excitement he would've if the proposal had gone through. If not more.

"Oh, Spammy ! Thank you, thank you ! I love you, I love you so, so much ! I swear you won't regret it !"

He wanted to believe his partner was right. And so, he didn't object any longer.

 

---

 

The worst thing about an empty home isn't so much the emptiness itself, but rather the memories of when it was not. Every corner carried weight, every piece of furniture a story, every decoration a feeling of warmth and domesticity. Tenna found himself unable to go back for those exact reasons. He had been unable to go back for much longer than he'd realized, so much so that simply standing in the doorway felt foreign to him now.

 

He hadn't gone home in weeks, or was it months ? He couldn't remember. He hadn't left the studio at all ever since that day. At first it was anxiousness, a simple chill of fear creeping down his back. Worried that when Spamton came back, he would miss him, and that they wouldn't find each other for hours again. And then it turned into anger. He turned his partner's office upside down, crazy with rage that he would be so careless as to leave without leaving so much as a note. Anger melted away, swinging back so violently to fear that Tenna felt dizzy. He tried calling, god knows how many times he had dialed all of the numbers he knew Spamton had. Nothing ever came of them, and soon he learned to hate the sound of a dead phone line. He wasn't reaching through, the numbers had been disconnected.

But that didn't mean that he stopped calling, far from it. He couldn't leave the studio, not when he knew that at any moment, he could get the call he was waiting for. He couldn't leave, what if he missed it ? What if he missed it and Spamton thought that Tenna didn't care anymore ? And then he would never contact him again ? Never mind waiting for a call, he kept on trying to reach him himself. He'd tried every phone in the studio at least a hundred times before he realized that it was hopeless. Nothing was working, he was acting like a madman. Maybe because he was a madman. When he tried calling, one last time, the constant beeping of an unreachable number made Tenna see red. He ripped the phone out of the wall, taking the wallpaper down with it. He threw it on the floor, hard enough for the box to shatter on impact. The crashing sound of it brought employees over, curiosity getting the better of them. But most everyone scattered away in a hurry when they saw Tenna, laying on the floor, gripping at his screen with enough force to scratch his casing indelibly. No one tried to stop him, everybody was too worried about their own safety to try to get close to him. Even if Tenna would never hurt them on purpose, he was too unstable to assure an accident wouldn't happen. He cried for what felt like days, with no one around to help him up.

 

Tenna couldn't remember much of what transpired afterwords. His days became bleak, empty of any kind of purpose. He would lay on the couch of his dressing room for hours, doing seemingly nothing but crying his heart out until finally, exhaustion took the better of him and he drifted off into a restless slumber. He would wake up at odd hours of the night, sweat dripping down his back, as vivid nightmares of Spamton overtook his subconscious, and then he would cry again. But he would cry whenever he was awake, too. So, he decided that sleeping granted him a break from himself, even if it was only temporary.

He wasn't eating properly, he realized that. His appetite was constantly inexistent. The only times he would eat was when the pain of hunger forbid him from falling asleep. Only then would he make the effort to get some sustenance into his body. However, he struggled keeping anything down and would find himself throwing up the little he'd eaten not long after. He felt weak, he knew he was weak. But he couldn't care. He would simply lay on the couch again and wait for his nightmares to lure him back into a terrible sleep for another night. No one dared to disturb him. The most concern he got was from Ramb, who would sometimes leave a warm beverage in front of his door. But no one ever entered, no one ever spoke to him. No one wanted to.

 

Tenna thought about dying. How are you supposed not to when pain became so overbearing ? But, the truth was that he didn't want to die. No matter how much he hurt. And that was the worst part, because it meant there was no end in sight to his misery. His brief periods of consciousness were like torture, a constant carousel of regrets, guilt, fear, sadness making his head spin around so badly that all he could do was stare at the ceiling until it stopped. But it never stopped, he wasn't sure it would ever stop again. He was in too much pain, he didn't know what to do. Didn't remember how to be. He didn't remember who he was before Spamton came along. Where was he ? What had happened ?

 

The first time he'd gotten out of his dressing room in months, he didn't make it very far. It was the weather duo who found him, one foggy morning, waiting on the curb of the studio's parking lot. There was a beat of hesitation between them, as neither knew what to say to a man they'd barely seen since his breakdown in the now closed off office. But Tenna spoke up first, voice cheery but distant, clearly not aware of what he was saying.

"I'm just waiting for Spamton to arrive. I would like to talk to him as soon as possible, it's very urgent."

It had taken most every staff member to convince Tenna to come back inside. It revealed itself useless to talk to him, as he was so far gone in his own made up scenario that he wouldn't listen to reason. They settled on dragging him back in, which proved itself to be quite a challenge, as they all expected. He screamed, wailed almost, kicked and scratched and hissed like a feral cat afraid of letting itself be touched. They finally managed to drag him back in, watching with fear as Tenna ripped everything around him, frantically screaming and begging for someone to just find Spamton already. That this little joke wasn't funny anymore. That he just wanted him back, that he was sorry, he would do anything to get him back. The posters of his partner were officially gone, all destroyed by him in his manic episode. When he came back to his senses, seeing the shredded pieces of Spamton's face on the ground, Tenna sobbed so hard that he passed out on the floor of the green room. When he awoke, he found himself laying on the couch of his dressing room again. Where he should've stayed, and where he guessed everyone wanted him to stay until he was back to his old self.

That evening, as he sat against the armrest with his knees to his chest, tears staining his screen like always, he overhead a passing conversation outside of his door :

"What a shame." Someone said.

-What a horrible break up !" The other agreed.

-And poor Tenna, he can't cope at all."

That was all he could make out. But it was enough. A break up ? Was that what people were calling it ? This was no break up. He felt like he was going crazy, how could people be calling this a break up ? Spamton had disappeared ! Vanished ! Left without a single trace ! This wasn't a simple break up, it couldn't be. This was something much more sinister, that Tenna couldn't understand. He'd done everything in his power to try and find Spamton, what else was he to do ? Why was no one else as worried as he was ? Did no one remember him ? He'd been such a key part in their productions for years, they couldn't have just forgotten him. The more he thought about it, the more upset he got. He felt like he was drowning. He couldn't stay here, he just couldn't. He couldn't bear it any longer.

 

That's why he finally decided to come home. After weeks of rotting away in his dressing room, he realized that he was more of a nuisance than anything else to the rest of the studio. Mike assured him that a short leave of absence would be fine, that he just needed to go home and get some real rest. Tenna wasn't sure he was going to get any better rest in his home rather than in the studio, but he knew how badly the staff wanted him gone. At least until he was well enough to film a new broadcast without breaking down in front of the camera.

 

And so there he was, standing in a doorway that he used to know. It was quiet, dark, the blinds had stayed closed ever since the last time he'd been here. He could see particles of dust floating around, and it smelled musky. No one had cleaned or opened a window in weeks, either. Despite that, Tenna still took a deep breath in, trying his best to remember how warm and lively this place once used to feel to him. It didn't work, all he could smell was. Well, nothing. It didn't smell like home anymore. It didn't smell like him.

He took off his shoes, trying his hardest not to notice the empty space next to his own pair, and started drifting mindlessly around the different rooms he'd forgotten the existence of.

 

The kitchen was his first stop, for some reason he couldn't explain. And there, on the counter, sat a cup that he knew all too well. It was Spamton's cup, a smaller one with the studio's logo on it. Tenna had given it as a gift to him when they first became partners, business partners, and Spamton had scoffed. He'd said it was corny, Tenna remembered that, but he'd kept it anyways. And it ended up being the cup he would drink out of every morning. His cup, he would say, that was his favorite one.

And there it was, a pool of untouched black coffee hung at the bottom of it. He hadn't even finished his coffee that morning, because the stress of signing the contract made him jittery. And he decided that a whole cup of nothing but pure caffeine wouldn't help his nerves. So he'd left it there. Waving Tenna off when he complained about Spamton's bad habit of leaving his dirty dishes out. He'd clean it up when they came home, he said. Tenna remembered that, too. He could see exactly how he'd looked when he'd said it. Annoyed at his remark, but too preoccupied by something else to really get into it. What was on his mind that morning ? Tenna wished he had pried more. But he hadn't. And now it was too late to ask.

Seeing Spamton's cup, an undeniable proof that he had once lived here, comforted Tenna in a weird and twisted way. No one in the studio was brave enough to mention him by name anymore, at least not around Tenna. It was nice, he guessed. They were all trying to protect his feelings by avoiding such a touchy subject. But he knew it was mostly because talking about Spamton would lead to him breaking down, and no one wanted to comfort him. Not if they didn't have to. He couldn't blame them, really. Who wanted to comfort their boss ? Especially when he was in such an unstable state. But understanding didn't stop it from hurting any less.

 

Like he had done a thousand times before, Tenna took the cup in his hands and emptied it in the sink. The weeks of brewing had given the drink quite a rancid smell. He'd had to wash the cup thoroughly before he could use it again. He stopped himself. No, not again, this cup was probably not going to get any more use. Well, maybe he could still wash it, just in case.

Lifting the cup off the counter, Tenna noticed the coffee ring it left behind. A brown circle on top of the white marble of the counter. It was very noticeable. These types of things were exactly why Tenna insisted on cleaning away the dishes as soon as they were done with. Look at this now, would you ? A coffee ring on top of his beautiful counter. And who would have to clean it up ? Him, of course. He paused again. Of course. Of course he would be the one cleaning it up. There was nobody else to do it anymore. He took a deep breath in, trying to chase the thoughts away. It was just coffee. It was just a cup. Nothing more. He could clean a cup, and he sure as hell could clean up a stain.

This was easy. He just had to take a rag, wet it, and clean. And so he did. He took a rag, wet it, but he didn't clean. His hands shook, he found himself unable to move. He looked at the stain, looked at the cup, and felt tears well up in his eyes. Was it really this easy to erase someone's existence ? This was Spamton's cup, he used it everyday. And Tenna had managed to erase the last trace of his routinely cup of morning coffee in a single, automatic movement. The cup was empty. All that was left was the coffee ring. And once that was gone, what other proof did he have of Spamton's presence in their home ? Of their shared life together ? What if everything else was gone ? What if he had nothing left but the memories ? The tears spilled faster than he could stop them. It was just a stupid stain, he couldn't leave a stain on his counter forever just because of what it meant. Yet, he couldn't do it. He couldn't clean it, he just couldn't. Tenna felt weak, he pressed his back to the counter and slumped down heavily. He buried his face in his hands and cried for what felt like hours.

 

It took a long while for Tenna to stand back up. But he managed, none the less, and decided to leave the coffee ring on the counter. Even if it was just for a little while longer, he couldn't deal with it right now. He'd heard, somewhere, that a good way of managing grief was to start out with the littler things first. Like cleaning a stain. But even that felt too monumental for him now, then what kind of little things could he deal with ?

 

The rest of the house felt just as foreign to Tenna as the entryway had. The walls, which he now wished to tear apart, mounted picture frames of him and his lover. He tried not to look, tried his hardest to keep his eyes fixated on the hard wooden floor as he made his way to their bedroom. His bedroom. It was only his bedroom now. It was all too much. He didn't know why he wished to see the bedroom, it was arguably the space that carried the most weight for him, but he just wanted to crawl in his bed. He wanted to rest for a while, his hours of sobbing on the kitchen floor had taken quite a toll on him. A little nap would fix him right back up. Maybe he would feel ready to clean the stain when he awoke.

The door creaked, filling the otherwise quiet house with a dreadful sound that made Tenna's blood run cold. The room was dark, but Tenna knew it well enough to make out the distinct silhouettes of the pieces of furniture all around him. He didn't waste any time, he crawled into bed, his back turned away from Spamton's side. Yet, despite trying his best to ignore the empty space next to him, Tenna couldn't help but grab his partner's pillow and hug it close to his chest. Tears started rolling down his screen again, staining the case of his own pillow as he quietly whimpered. His voice was broken, tired, but he kept whimpering, as if that would somehow bring Spamton back. Don't think about it, he silently begged himself, don't think about him.

 

Maybe it was because he was obsessively staring ahead, trying his hardest to stop the tears from spilling, that he noticed something out of the ordinary. Once his vision had gotten accustomed to the darkness of the room, Tenna could very well see that one of the drawers of the room had been left opened. It wasn't one of his own, it was Spamton's drawer. He knew which one it was, the one at the very bottom of the shelf. That's where he'd kept all of his clothes ever since he moved in with Tenna. And it was open. Not only that, but it was easy to see that clothes were spilling out of it, like some had been grabbed them in a hurry and the rest had been left out just as carelessly. What was that ?

Confusion was enough to make Tenna stop crying. Slowly, he got up from his bed, turned on his bedside lamp to be able to see the scene more clearly, and made his way to the drawer. He sat down in front of it, carefully taking the scattered out clothes in his hands like he was scared they would disappear if he wasn't cautious enough. Curiosity got the better of him, he looked inside of the drawer. Almost everything inside of it was gone, save from a few shirts and spare suits. Tenna furrowed his brows in confusion, tracing his fingers on the button up he was holding, almost expecting it to explain what had happened to him. How could the drawer be empty ? No one had been here ever since him and Spamton left that morning. No one else had a key to the house. No one except him and. Well. Spamton.

Spamton. Had Spamton been here ? This didn't make any sense. Why would he have come back home ? When did he have time to come back ? And why would he have taken all of his clothes with him ? No. No. No. This wasn't right. Something about this didn't align with the scenario Tenna had been spiraling about for weeks. Spamton hadn't just disappeared. He'd come home, he had been home. This was proof enough of that idea. He had managed to come home, took his clothes, and left. Left. He left. He had left Tenna all alone, without so much as an explanation. He left. He left ! He'd left him ! He hadn't disappeared ! He left !

Tenna's head shook slowly, as if the sickening horror of that realization was so dooming that he didn't want to believe it was true. Spamton couldn't have left him. He loved him. They loved each other, they were so happy together. Why would he have left ? He couldn't have. He was gone, something had happened to him. Something completely out of his control. But he came home, he had been home at some point. And what ? He took everything he owned and then ran away ? Why ? Why didn't he leave a note for Tenna ? He had time to pack a bag but not enough to tell his lover, the supposed love of his life, where he was going ? Oh. Oh, that was just so perfect for him, wasn't it ? Wasn't that just so convenient ? Tenna felt his claws digging into the shirt he was holding, frustration getting the better of him. Classic Spamton. Of course he would talk big, make claims, romantic promises, and then leave when he realized that he was unable to keep them. That's what had happened, wasn't it ? He must've realized that he didn't love Tenna, not as much as he kept reiterating, and decided the contract was too much for him. That Tenna wasn't worth the effort. That Tenna wasn't good enough. That he wanted somebody else, anybody else, just not Tenna. Stop. Stop, stop it. Don't think things like that, he pleaded with himself, you know that's not what happened ! But how could he know ? Truth was, he had no idea what had happened. All he knew was that Spamton had left him ! He left, he was gone ! He had run away from Tenna, because he- ! He didn't love him ! He didn't !

 

The sound of ripping brought Tenna out of his spiral. His head snapped down, looking at the now torn shirt that sat in his palms. His claws must've accidentally got caught in it as he tried moving away, and he ripped it in half. No, no, no. What had he done ? What was wrong with him ? He didn't mean for this to happen. He could fix this. He would stitch it back up, it would be good as new. And then- And then what ? He would wait for Spamton to come back so he could wear it again ? Assure him that it was fine, accidents happen. He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. Spamton wasn't coming back, he wasn't. Why should he keep his shirts ? Why should he clean his cup ? Why should he keep making space in a bed that would never welcome his lover again ? He didn't have to. This was his house, his home. He wanted Spamton gone. He wanted everything that had ever been his destroyed.

And so, he took another shirt, and ripped it. This time with purpose. The sound of the fabric tearing apart felt weirdly freeing, it was the first time in god knows how long that Tenna felt like he could breathe again. He kept ripping. What was Spamton going to do anyways ? He wasn't even here. He didn't even care about Tenna enough to leave a simple note. He didn't care. He didn't care ! He didn't ! He had never cared ! Oh, how he had believed him ! Why did he ever believe him !? How could he have ever let himself be swooned away by him !? What a smooth talker, what a clever little man. He had gotten into Tenna's head, he had known exactly what to say. He sold him lies and dreams, just like he had done with so many others before. And Tenna had believed him. He had been stupid enough to believe someone had cared about him, that Spamton had loved him. He didn't love him, he didn't care. He didn't ! He didn't ! How could he have done this to him !? Why did he do it !? Why !? And why had Tenna believed any of it !?

Rip. Rip. Rip. The sound of his claws ripping through the clothing was Tenna's only comfort. Spamton might not care about him, but he cared so deeply about the persona he'd built for himself. Let him come back, let him see what Tenna had done to his precious suits. The suits he adored so much, he would always be so careful with them. He'd take them to the dry cleaner once a week, it was always written on his schedule. Tenna hated that he knew that, hated that he remembered so many things about him. He wanted him gone, wanted to forget he had lived in this house. Even if Spamton came back, he'd have to beg for Tenna's mercy. For even a chance to step foot through that door. He'd have to show Tenna how much he cared, but he didn't care ! He never cared ! Never, ever, ever ! Rip ! Rip ! Keep ripping ! Until everything was gone ! All of it ! Forever ! He wanted it out of his sight !

 

Only once everything around him was gone did Tenna manage to settle down. To say he was calm would be a stretch, but he felt better than he had in longer than he could remember. His chest heaved up and down, panting with the effort of what he had just done. Some pieces of fabric got stuck to his claws, while the rest of his massacre sat heavily on the floor of the bedroom. He tried his best to clean it all away, and soon enough there was nothing left but a pile of torn pieces of fabric that were unrecognizable.

 

And then, something caught his attention from the corner of the room. He had missed all but one piece of clothing, laying furthest away from him. How had he not seen it before ? He had no idea. But he saw it now, and rage surged through him just as violently as it had a mere second ago.

He grabbed it from the floor in one swift motion, ready to tear his fangs into it just before he understood what it was he was holding. It was a red blazer, Spamton's favorite blazer. He had seen it so many more times than he could possibly count. It was basically a trademark look for Spamton to harbor that beautiful maroon blazer. He wore it everyday without fail, he used to joke that he felt naked without it. And now there it was, forgotten on the floor by his owner. Just like Spamton had forgotten Tenna.

He suddenly felt guilty about destroying it. Anger melted away, slowly, dreadfully, back to the same feeling he'd been desperate to escape from. Suffocating grief took hold him, dragging him back to that insufferable heaviness he hated so much. He caressed the piece of clothing, feeling how ragged it had become from years of use. He pressed it to his face, not exactly knowing what he was hoping to find by doing something so ridiculous. Maybe he hoped that it would bring him some much needed reassurance, that he would get a whiff of Spamton's cologne on the fabric, telling him that it hadn't been that long since he'd last worn it. But the smell was gone. It smelled like the rest of the room. A dusty, closed off smell, from having laid there for weeks with now interruption.

"He left you too, uh ?" He found himself muttering. "What a liar, right ? He calls you his favorite, says he's gonna cherish you forever… And then he's gone the very next day." No other sound came from the room, except for his own delirious and tired voice. "I'm sorry he did this you. I'm really sorry. If I- I knew he was gonna-" He choked on his own sob, feeling his his heart tighten. He buried his face in the blazer, trying his hardest to drown out the sounds of his cries. Tenna was getting fed up with hearing himself cry, yet there was nothing he could do to stop it. "How could he do this to me ? What did I do wrong ? He said he would never- he said he- he promised we would be together- !" He gasped for air, his own sobs choking him and making it hard to breathe. "He promised me !"

Tenna had to tear his face away from the blazer, finding it hard to catch his breath when his face was pressed up against it. He turned it over, looking for a familiar stitching he knew was there. And, sure enough, at the bottom of the inside of it, Tenna found what he was looking for. His fingers traced over the embroidered initials of his lover, initials he had embroidered for him. He still remembered, the sudden worry that shot through him once his project was done. What if Spamton got mad at him for ruining his favorite blazer ? What if he didn't like it ? But he'd loved it, or told him so at least. Said that now, wherever he want, he always had a reminder of Tenna's love for him. Maybe that's why he'd left it behind. Because he didn't want that reminder anymore.

 

As Tenna hugged the blazer closer to his chest, he heard something fall down next to his feet. He looked to the floor, struggling to find the source of the noise in the darkness of the room. But then he found it. A small, red, velvet box sat on the ground. Almost taunting him. Tenna felt like he was about to throw up. He wasn't an idiot, he knew what kind of box it was. He didn't want to pick it up. He didn't want to look at it. He didn't want to know what it was.

And yet, his body moved automatically, hands shakily reaching for the box. His heart started beating loudly, not from excitement but pure horror. Should he open it ? He didn't want to open it. But he had to know, he just had to be sure. God, he had never wanted to be proven wrong more badly in his life. He opened it carefully, the shine of a mesmerizing, golden round cut ring meeting his screen dauntingly.

 

Next thing he knew, Tenna found himself hunched over his toilet, throwing his guts up. He'd eaten so little these past few days, his empty stomach hurt and cried for it to stop, that there was nothing left to throw up. He couldn't stop, he simply couldn't stop. Waves of nauseousness made his whole body shiver until he couldn't stand up anymore. It hurt, it hurt so bad.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't calm down, fighting for air as his hysterical sobs kept him from taking a full breath. He fell to the floor of the bathroom, his shaking legs kept him from standing up. He didn't want to go back inside that room, he couldn't stand seeing that box again. He hated the implications it carried, he hated that he would never have a proper answer to any of his millions of questions. He refused to see it, he wanted to forget it was there. But he couldn't simply forget about it. For the rest of his life, he'd always have that box in the back of his mind. Except if he faced it now.

 

It took him a while, but Tenna managed to drag himself back to his bedroom. He'd dropped the box in his hurry to the toilet, the ring had fallen out of it. His heart dropped to his still aching stomach as the mortifying idea of the ring being lost forever dawned upon him. Of course, it wasn't. He found it just a few centimeters away, completely unscratched.

It was a beautiful ring. More than beautiful, it was the perfect ring. Tenna had fantasized about marriage for so long, so many years in fact. In all of his daydreams, that was the ring he was wearing. A traditional round cut, with a golden band and a shiny diamond to top it all off. What was such a precious piece of jewelry doing here ? How come Spamton had it in his pocket ? Don't. Don't think about it. Don't think about why. He knew why, it was obvious why. But Tenna couldn't admit it to himself, it was too upsetting. Most importantly, it didn't even make any sense ! Spamton didn't want to get married ! He wasn't that kind of guy ! He'd told Tenna as much. It wouldn't even be such a stretch to say he was repulsed by the idea of marriage. This couldn't be his, the ring couldn't have been meant for Tenna. Spamton would have never proposed, it was unlike anything he would ever do.

But was it, really ? Tenna thought back on the way Spamton had acted before he'd left, or disappeared, truly he didn't know anymore. He had been acting weird, but that couldn't be because he wanted to propose ! Spamton would never be caught dead proposing ! It was too out of character for him. He didn't want to get married. This couldn't be real, Tenna didn't want it to be real. What was wrong with that man ? Why did he have a ring ? For how long had he had it ? Tenna's head hurt with confusion. The more he looked at the ring, the more he wanted to throw it out of the window. Out of sight, out of mind. Yet, he was unable to. It was such a lovely ring, it was exactly the one he'd always yearned for.

It slipped on Tenna's finger with such ease that it became undeniable. It had been meant for him. He held out his hand, looking with what could only be described as denial at the ring. What a beauty, he thought to himself, what a wonderful ceremony their wedding could've been. Tenna would've made such a lovely spouse, what a shame he was so fucked in the head. That was probably why Spamton left, even after going through the trouble of getting the perfect ring. He realized Tenna was a lost cause, a mess just waiting for his demise as everything fell apart around him. He didn't want to stick around any longer than he had to. And so, he left. He left Tenna all alone, not even caring enough to take the ring with him. He wanted to leave one last enigma behind for his partner to spiral over until he ripped out his antennae from frustration.

 

This couldn't be it, Tenna couldn't believe this was it. Something simply didn't add up. Spamton wouldn't have left him, he tried convincing himself, he couldn't have. Not if he had been planning to propose, he clearly had plans for a future with Tenna. Something had happened to him, it had ! Tenna needed to find him and help him ! But what should he care what happened to Spamton ? Spamton didn't love him ! That's why he had changed his mind and left him. Oh, but he did love him, didn't he ? He'd bought a ring ! He wanted to marry him ! He was going to propose until- until something happened. He'd left. He'd disappeared. Tenna couldn't make up his mind, he didn't know which scenario hurt him more.

Was Spamton dead ? Had he died ? Was that why he couldn't come back to his lover ? Why he couldn't reach out anymore ? Tenna found himself being comforted by that idea, much to his own horror. He didn't want Spamton to have died, but he hated the idea of him being alive even more. If he was alive, why wasn't he coming back ? Why wasn't he reaching out ? What could possibly be keeping him away from Tenna other than hatred and disgust for the person he had once called his lover ? If he was dead, that would explain his sudden disappearance, and Tenna would never have to worry about him again. His own thoughts terrified him. How could he think those things ? How could he wish for his partner to be dead ? That same man who'd always been there for him through thick and thin. Who'd spent countless nights reassuring him that everything would be okay, that he wouldn't leave. Yet, he had left. He was a liar, he would truly be better off dead. Tenna wanted him dead. No ! He didn't ! Stop it ! What a monster, what a horrible person he was ! How could he even live with himself anymore ?

"Stop thinking those thoughts !" He wailed, hitting his head with his fists in a vain attempt to shut himself up. "He's not dead ! He's not dead ! He's gonna come back ! And we're going to be- everything is going to be-"

 

Tenna suddenly noticed that he was shrinking rapidly. He let out a shaky sigh, accepting it, until he realized that the ring wasn't shrinking with him.

"No." He muttered, confusion getting the better of him again. "No, no, no ! You can't do this to me ! Please- stay on my finger, stay. You have to, you're my ring ! I can't- I don't want to-" He didn't have the words, he didn't know what he was trying to say. The ring was falling off of his hand, hitting the floor with a quiet thud as Tenna felt his heart break. He didn't even know how it was possible for it to break even more than it already had. He felt like he was loosing Spamton again. Like he had managed to find a small part of him back, but his own body was rejecting it. Why wasn't the ring staying ? Why couldn't it fit perfectly on his finger like it was meant to be ? Why did Tenna always have to ruin everything ? His own emotions were getting in the way again, making everything so much more complicated than it had to be. That's why Spamton had left, it was Tenna's fault. But he had promised he would stay. Why couldn't he have kept his promise ? Tenna couldn't blame him, though. And yet, he still blamed him. He should've known ! He knew how bad Tenna could get, and yet, despite, that he still made promises he couldn't keep ! This was Spamton's fault ! It was ! Tenna wouldn't be able to handle it if it wasn't. He couldn't handle the reality of it being his fault.

He was now small enough that the ring fit around his wrist like a bracelet. He ruined it. He knew he had. This was his fault, everything was his fault. The ring was perfect, Spamton had been the perfect partner for him. It was Tenna who'd pushed him too far, hung on to insignificant details and matters that he should've just forgotten about. Why was he like this ? Why couldn't he have been normal ? Why couldn't he have just been the fiancé that Spamton had always deserved ?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so- so sorry." He sobbed, his body twitching with his desperate and pained hiccups. "I'm gonna fix this, I'm gonna fix me. Then he's gonna come back, right ? And we can get- we could get married." He hugged the ring close to his chest, trying his hardest to convince himself that believing his own words would make them come true. "We're gonna get married, and everything is gonna be perfect."

He passed out not long after, drifting away into a beautiful dream of a wedding he would never get.

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading all the way through <3

Writing this felt like constantly looming over Spamton and being like “do you know you have 30 minutes… ?” haha. Also u have no idea the self control it took me not to make them fuck. Like truly I was frothing at the mouth.

This fic was inspired by “loml” by Taylor Swift ! Devastating song, I really suggest you give it a listen if you wish to wallow in despair.

I promise the next one is gonna be smut again, no more angst (for now...)