Chapter Text
Suo woke slowly to the pale morning light filtering through the curtains, washing the room in a quiet warmth. Sleep still lingered heavily in his body as he instinctively reached toward the space beside him, only for coldness to greet his fingertips instead.
Empty.
Sakura hadn’t come home last night.
Or the night before that.
In fact, it had already been three days since his absence began, yet somehow waking up alone still unsettled him every single time. There was something quietly terrifying about it, about reaching out half-asleep expecting warmth only to be met with nothing at all.
Suo slowly pushed himself upright, letting out a quiet sigh as he glanced at the clock. It was already well past the time he usually started his morning routine.
What a way to begin the day.
It had only been three days.
Just three days, and yet he had already begun slipping from the habits he had followed so effortlessly for years. Breakfast had become irregular. His sleep schedule had drifted. Even the simple rhythm of his mornings felt strangely off without Sakura's presence woven through them.
How frightening reliance could be.
How quietly it settled into a person's life until they no longer noticed its weight.
And how much weight Sakura carried within his.
The realization lingered longer than Suo would have liked, leaving behind a faint ache somewhere beneath his ribs as he stared at the empty space beside him.
His gaze stayed on the space beside him, fingers absently brushing across the cold covers. The fabric had long since lost any trace of warmth.
For a moment, he simply sat there.
Then another quiet sigh slipped past his lips before he finally pushed himself to his feet.
He had plans with Nirei that afternoon. The two of them hadn't had much time to catch up over the past few months, so they had decided to reconnect over a simple lunch together.
Truthfully, Suo wasn't particularly in the mood for conversation.
His thoughts felt too heavy for that.
And yet, somehow, the idea of meeting Nirei eased something within him. Perhaps it was because Nirei's presence had always been uncomplicated, like a warm ray of sunshine. Even on the hardest of days, the sun still rose without fail, steady and reassuring in its resilient constancy. Nirei had always felt a little like that.
After a quick shower, Suo gently dried his hair, patting it in slow, precise motions. Usually, Sakura would be the one doing this, pressing a towel carefully against the ends of his hair to soak up the excess water while muttering something gruff whenever Suo pointed out he was being overly attentive.
Now, those familiar hands no longer reached for him.
The absence itself was quiet, yet somehow it seemed to grow louder with each passing moment.
Once his hair had dried enough, Suo slipped into his usual attire, fastening his earrings before carefully adjusting his eye patch into place. The motions came naturally, practiced enough to require little thought.
Soon, he was ready to leave.
He crouched by the entrance to put on his shoes, fingers moving automatically through a routine he had repeated countless times before. Then, reaching for the handle, he pulled the door open.
Silence greeted him.
No familiar voice telling him to be careful.
No half-hearted reminder to text when he arrived.
Just an empty hallway stretching quietly before him.
For a moment, Suo simply stood there.
Then, with a small smile that never quite reached his eyes, he stepped outside, the familiar ache in his chest making itself known once again.
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“Suo-san! Over here!”
A familiar voice called out from across the restaurant.
Suo turned toward the sound and was immediately greeted by the sight of Nirei enthusiastically waving him over from his seat.
“Hi, Nirei-kun. It's been a while.”
A smile tugged at Suo's lips as he approached.
The blond immediately sprang to his feet and hurried over, his excitement written plainly across his face.
“It's been way too long!!”
“Hm, hasn't it?” Suo chuckled softly. “You seem as lively as ever.”
“Hahaha, I guess!” Nirei rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “The project I've been working on finally ended, so it feels like a whole mountain's been lifted off my shoulders. How about you, Suo-san?”
For the briefest moment, Suo hesitated.
“I've been fine,” he replied smoothly before gesturing toward the table. “Should we sit down and order something?”
“Oh! Right, of course-”
Nirei quickly hurried back to the table, pulling out a chair for Suo before taking his own seat across from him.
Despite the months that had passed since they had last met like this, the familiar ease between them settled back into place almost immediately.
“SO!! Okay- after we order, can I rant about my project for a little bit??” Nirei asked, barely managing to contain his excitement.
“Hm... a little bit, you say?” Suo echoed, resting his chin lightly against his hand.
“Awww, fine!! I've got so much to talk about.” Nirei threw his hands up in surrender. “Forget the 'little bit' part!!”
Suo couldn't help but smile at that.
“Haha, it's fine,” he reassured him. “I'd love to listen.”
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“So yeahh! The guy started throwing the equipment around and-”
Nirei suddenly paused.
...
“Suo-san?”
No response.
“Suo-san? Are you listening...?”
The words seemed to drift past him.
At some point, the conversation had faded into the background, leaving only the soft clatter of dishes and the distant murmur of conversations around them. In its place, the thoughts he had been trying to push aside all morning had quietly returned, filling the silence before he even realized it.
A gentle warmth brushed against his hand.
Suo blinked.
His gaze dropped to the table, where Nirei's hand had carefully settled over his own, the touch light enough to pull him from his thoughts without startling him.
For a moment, Suo simply stared at it.
Then, slowly, he lifted his head.
“Suo-san...”
The excitement that had animated Nirei's face moments ago had long since faded, replaced by something softer.
“I wasn't going to say anything unless you wanted to talk about it, but...”
He hesitated.
“Have you been sleeping well?”
His hand tightened ever so slightly around Suo's.
“What's been going on?”
...
“Hah... I can't hide anything from you, can I?”
A quiet chuckle escaped Suo, though it lacked its usual ease.
“Well...” Nirei rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “You haven't really been listening to anything I've said for the last few minutes.”
“Sorry... it's just...”
The explanation faltered before it could fully form.
The words felt strangely heavy the moment he tried to give them shape.
“Is everything okay, Suo-san?”
“It's nothing, really,” Suo replied, lowering his gaze toward his tea. “I've just been going to bed later than usual.”
“Are you having trouble sleeping?”
“Hm? No, not exactly.”
“Then what is it?”
Silence settled between them once more.
Suo watched the thin stream of steam curling upward from his cup, his fingers absentmindedly tracing the warmth of the ceramic.
“Sakura-kun hasn't been home for a few days, so...”
“Huh??”
Nirei nearly jumped from his seat.
“Why? Did something happen? Did he- wait, he's not taking night shifts again, is he!?”
“No, no, it's nothing like that,” Suo said quickly.
“Then what happened?”
Suo lowered his head slightly, his bangs slipping forward as his grip tightened around the cup.
How was he supposed to explain this?
“Suo-san...?” Nirei prompted gently.
“We had a fight a few days ago...”
The admission came out barely above a whisper.
The words felt heavier outside his head than they ever had inside it, dragging his gaze back down with them.
“And he said he needed some space, so...”
His voice trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid.
“I know I should've...” he began quietly, only for the words to once again falter.
The unfinished confession lingered heavily on his tongue, his chest tightening strangely as he swallowed around it. It felt embarrassingly difficult to say aloud, as though speaking of it would make the reality of it impossible to avoid.
After all, he knew whose fault the argument had been.
Sakura had been patient with him for far longer than most people would have been. Patient through the evasions, the carefully redirected conversations, the things Suo chose not to say even when he knew he probably should.
And eventually, something had given way.
Now that Nirei knew, a different unease settled beneath his ribs.
Would he be angry?
Disappointed?
The thought felt oddly childish, yet it lingered all the same.
Of course, Nirei would never say something like that aloud. He was far too kind for it.
But kindness had a way of making disappointment hurt even more.
Suo's gaze remained fixed stubbornly on the table, unable to bring himself to look up and meet Nirei's eyes.
“Suo-san...” Nirei started gently, his brows knitting together with concern.
Then, after a brief pause, he let out a small sigh.
“You're doing it again, aren't you?”
Suo blinked and finally looked up from the table, confusion briefly breaking through the heaviness weighing on his expression.
“Doing what?”
“Overthinking.”
Nirei's smile was small, almost fond despite the concern showing beneath it.
“I'm not mad at you, and I'm definitely not disappointed. I'm sure you and Sakura-san had your reasons for arguing, but not coming home for a few days...” He hesitated before shaking his head lightly. “That's a little concerning.”
For a moment, Suo simply stared at him.
Was he really that easy to read?
Or perhaps the real surprise was that Nirei had always been this attentive.
The thought settled quietly within him as he watched the blond fidget absentmindedly with the sleeve of his jacket, concern written so plainly across his face that there was no point pretending not to notice it.
Of course Nirei could tell.
He had always been looking out for the people around him, noticing worries others tried to hide and burdens they insisted on carrying alone. There was something about him that reminded Suo of sunlight.
Not the overwhelming brightness of midday, but the kind of warmth that quietly wraps itself around you even on colder days.
And even when the sun disappeared beyond the horizon, its light never truly left.
The moon still carried its reflection across the night sky, gentle and unwavering, illuminating the darkness long after sunset had passed.
Nirei felt a little like that.
Always there.
Always watching over the people he cared about.
The sun never really looked away.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Nirei asked carefully.
“...Yeah. Thank you, Nirei-kun.”
Suo smiled faintly before lowering his gaze to the tea in front of him.
“We had a fight about three days ago. We don't argue very often, but...” He paused. “I think the tension had been there for a while now.”
His fingers tightened slightly around the warm ceramic cup.
“Sakura-kun was frustrated with me. Really frustrated. And he said he needed some time alone.”
The words felt strange spoken aloud.
“He hasn't come home since.”
Nirei blinked.
“Not even a text?”
Suo shook his head.
“Well... have you tried texting him?”
Silence.
Suo's gaze dropped a little further.
Nirei stared at him for a moment before letting out a small sigh.
“Suo-san...”
“Hm?”
“You should probably contact him first.”
“...”
“You know how stubborn Sakura-san can be.”
A faint smile tugged at Suo's lips despite himself.
“I do.”
“Do you know where he's staying?”
Another pause.
“...Yeah.”
“Where?”
“Momijikawa-san's house.”
Nirei blinked, staring right towards Suo as he processed the situation.
“Wait.”
“Hm?”
“You contacted Momijikawa-san before your boyfriend?”
Suo immediately looked away, a guilty smile painting over his face.
“...”
“Suo-san,” Nirei said slowly "Sakura-san is absolutely going to get jealous when he hears that.”
Despite the situation, a quiet laugh escaped Suo
“Can I ask why you haven't contacted him?”
Suo remained silent.
“If you're this worried about him,” Nirei continued gently, “shouldn't you let him know?”
Suo stared down at his tea, watching the faint ripples tremble across the surface as his grip tightened around the cup.
“I...”
The word caught in his throat.
He tried again.
“I'm just...”
His voice wavered despite his efforts to steady it.
For a moment, all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart.
“I'm scared.”
Nirei's eyes widened slightly.
“Scared of what?”
The answer had been sitting in his chest ever since Sakura walked out the door.
“I'm scared he won't come back.”
The confession left him almost breathless.
It was the fear he had been hiding beneath the facade, the one thought he had stubbornly refused to acknowledge until now..
“What if this time...” His fingers tightened around the warm teacup. “What if Sakura-kun decides he's had enough?”
“Suo-san, Sakura-san could never-”
“Everyone gets tired eventually.”
The words left him before he could stop them.
Quiet.
Matter-of-fact.
As though he were stating something as simple as the weather.
Yet the look in his eyes told a different story.
"People can be patient for a long time,” Suo continued softly.
“Longer than they should, sometimes.”
A faint smile touched his lips.
“But eventually they realize their patience would have been better spent elsewhere.”
The moment the words left him, Suo wished he could take them back.
His hand rose slowly to cover his mouth.
The thoughts had come out too easily, spilling from somewhere deep inside him before he had the chance to bury them again.
Now that they were finally out in the open, he felt strangely nauseous.
Across from him, Nirei simply stared.
“Why are you talking like that...?”
For once, Nirei sounded genuinely confused.
Suo remained silent.
After a moment, Nirei fell silent aswell.
His expression shifted, concern giving way to something more thoughtful as though he were carefully searching for the right words to say.
Whatever conclusion he reached seemed to settle quietly in his eyes.
“But you wouldn't feel that way about us.”
...
“What?”
“You wouldn't get tired of us.”
Nirei's voice remained gentle, though there was a quiet certainty behind it.
“Not Sakura-san. Not me. Not any of us.”
The soft clink of porcelain sounded between them as Nirei adjusted his cup.
“You'd help us without even thinking about it.”
“That's different.”
“Why?”
The question came so quickly that Suo found himself pausing.
Why?
Because it simply was.
Because Sakura was Sakura.
Because Nirei was Nirei.
Because they mattered.
Because-
“I don't know,” Suo admitted quietly.
Nirei watched him for a long moment.
Then, carefully, he asked,
“Do you really think Sakura-san stayed with you all this time because he felt obligated to?”
Immediately, Suo shook his head.
“No.”
“Do you think he'd fight for you because he pitied you?”
“No.”
The answer came even faster.
A faint smile crossed Suo's face.
“Telling Sakura-kun not to do something because he cares too much would be impossible.”
The image alone was enough to make him laugh softly.
“He'd probably do the exact opposite.”
“Then what's making you so afraid?”
The smile slowly faded.
Suo stared into his tea for a long moment before answering.
“Because there are people who deserve that kind of devotion far more than I do.”
Silence settled between them.
The words lingered in the air long after he had spoken them, yet Suo seemed almost unaware of their weight. There was no bitterness in his voice, no self-pity. If anything, he sounded strangely certain. Less like someone confessing an insecurity and more like someone stating a conclusion he had accepted long ago, one reached so quietly and gradually that he no longer thought to question it.
“Sakura-kun is kind,” Suo continued.
“So are you. Umemiya-san. Everyone.”
His fingers traced absent circles against the side of the cup.
“If any of you thought I needed help, you'd come running without hesitation.”
A faint laugh escaped him.
“Honestly, that's what worries me.”
Nirei's brows furrowed.
“Suo-san...”
“I know Sakura-kun loves me.”
The admission came easily.
Too easily.
“I've never truly doubted that.”
For the first time, his smile looked genuinely fragile.
“I'm just not sure he should.”
His gaze lowered to the tea in front of him.
“Maybe eventually he'll figure that out too.”
For a moment, Nirei simply stared at him.
Then, so suddenly that Suo almost flinched, he pushed his chair back and rose from his seat.
“Nirei-kun...?”
“Suo-san...”
Nirei's voice shook slightly.
“Please don't say things like that.”
The words sounded strained, as though they had been caught in his throat for a while now.
“Please don't be so mean to yourself.”
His gaze dropped briefly before lifting again.
“To my friend.”
Before Suo could respond, Nirei stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him.
The movement was awkward enough that he nearly knocked into the table beside them, but there was something so earnestly Nirei about it that Suo found himself freezing where he sat.
Warmth settled around him.
Not the familiar warmth he had spent the last three days unconsciously searching for, nor the presence whose absence had followed him from morning to night.
It was different.
Yet somehow, no less genuine.
Steady in a way that asked for nothing and expected nothing.
For a few moments, Suo could only sit there in silence.
The reaction had caught him off guard, though the reason for it had not.
Nirei had always been like this. There was a sincerity to him that never seemed to waver, a tendency to hold other people's worries close to his heart as though they mattered just as much as his own. Suo had known he would worry if he found out. He had known he would be kind. Even so, being met with that kindness so directly left an unexpected tightness in his chest.
The things he had said moments ago had not felt particularly shocking when they left his mouth. They were old thoughts, carried quietly for so long that they no longer felt like something worth arguing against. Familiar enough that he rarely stopped to examine them anymore.
Yet seeing the look on Nirei's face now made them sound different somehow.
He had spoken those words with so much certainty and carelessness
only for Nirei to look at him as though he had said something unbearably sad.
The realization was strangely unsettling.
And strangely comforting.
How awful was he to find comfort in his friend's sadness?
And yet, he couldn't help it.
Seeing the tears gathering in Nirei's eyes, hearing the tremor in his voice, left a strange warmth blooming in his chest. Not because Nirei was hurting. But because someone cared enough to hurt on his behalf when he could not seem to do so himself.
Suo had never doubted Nirei's kindness. Never doubted that he would worry, that he would reach out, that he would try to shoulder part of the burden simply because that was the kind of person he was.
Yet seeing the way Nirei looked at him now, as though those words had been something worth grieving over, made that kindness feel suddenly tangible.
It settled heavily in his chest, warmer and more overwhelming than he knew what to do with.
There was something almost painful about being cared for so earnestly.
About being looked at as though he were someone worth protecting.
Someone worth defending.
Before he realized it, his fingers had curled into the fabric of Nirei's shirt.
The gesture felt childish.
Yet he found himself unable to let go.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered.
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