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Their first several kisses are soft and sweet. Lips on lips, breath mixing with breath. Innocent.
Chaste, actually.
Akira doesn’t dare push for more, despite how much he wants.
Wants more. Wants Kanata.
He privately scolds himself for his… dirty desires. That someone like him gets to call Aoyama Kanata his boyfriend—that he gets to have Kanata at all after everything he’s said and done—is already more than he deserves.
It is enough.
The mix of yearning and arousal that rear their greedy heads whenever he is with Kanata says otherwise, though.
Maybe, Akira tries to reason with himself, Kanata simply doesn’t want more. Or he prefers to take things very slow.
Or maybe Kanata doesn’t actually… know. About kissing. About all the ways—all the places—that Akira longs to be kissed, by Kanata.
Still, for all the chasteness, there's no actual lack of kisses. From slow kisses in the privacy of their rooftop during lunchtime, and sly pecks between the aisles of the library (despite Akira’s half-hearted protests of 'We're at school!'), to even a few stolen in the equipment shed behind the soccer field—not a day goes by without Kanata jumping at any excuse to leave Akira's lips tingling.
And if that's not enough to fluster Akira already, Kanata does this… thing where he'll always pause before they touch. A tilt of the head, a fire in his brown eyes. Asking for permission with a single, loaded look. Occasionally, accompanied by words.
‘Akira, I want to kiss you. Can I?’
His voice goes low with that simple question. It's so straightforward. Intimate. Just like that dark, burning gaze.
Each time it makes Akira’s pulse jump, his breath going shaky as he whispers, ‘Yes.’
And each time he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from begging instead. Yes, please, please kiss me. Kiss me and never stop. I want you to kiss me, kiss me, kiss me…!
There would be cool hands on his face and hot lips pressed against his, and every fibre of Akira’s body goes up in flames with how much he wants.
~***~
They are a few months into their senior year by the time Akira actually says something.
'Can I kiss you?' Kanata's breath wafts over the side of his neck, his chin digging into a thin shoulder while he loosely wraps his arms around Akira from behind. Back hugs have become a favourite since their first date (and certainly not least because of how easily Akira melts into them).
Akira's breath catches at the question, like it always does. He means to respond with a mere yes, like he always does.
'You never need to ask, Kanata,' is what he says instead, surprising himself.
'Eh?'
'Because,' he turns his head to meet Kanata's gaze, 'as long as it's you, my answer is always yes.'
Kanata's lips twitch in a rare smirk. He nuzzles Akira's neck, right under his ear. 'Even if I wanna kiss you here?' His voice is light, teasing, but the graze of his mouth along thin, sensitive skin nearly makes Akira whine.
'You can kiss me anywhere you like,' he blurts out with a gasp.
Kanata goes still, arms tightening around his waist. 'Anywhere?' he repeats very quietly.
'And,' Akira swallows. His heart is threatening to pound out of his ribcage. 'In any way you like.'
'Yeah?' Kanata urges him around in his arms. The look in his eyes makes Akira's mouth go dry. 'I'm allowed, then?'
'As… as much as you like.'
For a long moment, Kanata just studies him, his expression unreadable. Then he smiles; the slow upward curve of that charming mouth spells trouble.
'I'm not gonna hold back, then.'
Akira doesn't get a moment to react. Kanata pulls him against his chest, parts Akira’s lips with his own and slides his tongue into his mouth in a kiss that makes his knees wobble.
That's when Akira abruptly understands that the easy innocence behind all of their earlier kisses had been… intentional. Entirely deliberate on Kanata's part.
Because Kanata, oh, he knows how to kiss. Knows how to make Akira melt like a popsicle left out in the summer sun, because of course Aoyama Kanata, the most popular boy in school, knows all about kissing.
And the thing is, Akira has known that about him, hasn’t he? How could he have forgotten? The day Kanata lay down in his lap and confessed that he used to fool around with girls just to have something to take his mind off soccer and other troubles.
And Akira… he has no right to be jealous now. But he is. So utterly jealous. Just like that day, when he'd run his fingers through Kanata's thick hair and tried to pretend that he didn't desperately want to be the one Kanata kissed instead of those girls.
That he doesn't want to be the only one Kanata ever kisses.
A hypocrite. That's what he is, Akira thinks with shame, recalling all of his own firsts that he'd surrendered to his former tutor.
But even that self-awareness does little to dissuade the ugly direction his thoughts take. Who were the girls Kanata had gone out with before he gave up casual dating? Which ones had he kissed? Maybe even slept with?
Had he kissed them like this, raw and fiery and consuming?
The awful, creeping questions make something twist in Akira's stomach while Kanata pushes him up against a shelf in the storeroom, one hand on Akira’s nape and the other around his waist, devouring his mouth like Akira is the air he needs to breathe.
Akira curls his fingers in the thick fabric of Kanata's school blazer, clinging to him like he might collapse otherwise. It's like he has never been kissed before, not really, because the few times he'd previously done so with Kanda-san—there had been no facade of romance whatsoever in their mutually beneficial arrangement—the kisses had been nothing like this.
It's everything he's wanted and hadn't dared to hope for from Kanata.
He doesn't mean to, he doesn't even realise that he's doing it, but Kanata pulls back with a chuckle. 'If you keep being this loud, people are gonna hear, y'know.'
'What?' Akira's jaw drops, which makes Kanata grin even wider.
'I mean I like it, but I think this counts as, hmm, what do they call it? Indecent public displays? For the teachers, anyway.' Kanata leans in and teasingly rubs his nose against Akira's. 'Can't have me sullying honour student Senkawa Akira-kun's squeaky clean record, no?'
It then hits Akira just how hard he is breathing. Practically panting from Kanata's kisses. And—
Oh god, what kind of noises had he been making?
Kanata is kissing him again. It's slower this time, but no less passionate. He captures Akira's lips, one after the other, sucking on them languidly, like he's taking the time to savour the kiss. Savour Akira.
It does nothing to calm his rushing pulse or lessen the buzzing under his skin. He sags into Kanata's embrace, gasping helplessly into his mouth—
'Akira', Kanata half-mumbles, half-laughs against his lips. 'Someone's gonna look in here for real.'
The lash of embarrassment he feels at that doesn't outweigh the need to keep kissing Kanata. Akira wraps his arms around his neck, pleased when Kanata responds by deepening the kiss properly.
Out of the corner of his eye, Akira catches the shadows of passing students through the frosted glass planes in the door. Though the unused classroom turned storage has remained blissfully undisturbed every time Akira and Kanata meet up there during breaks, there is still every chance that someone might enter, for whatever reason. The sliding doors don't lock, after all.
It would be a nightmare, Akira knows. Outside of Kanata’s friends—he's certain Mizuki knows about them, and he even caught Jun and Makki exchanging knowing looks when he joined Kanata's side one day—their relationship must be kept a secret. They can't risk putting Kanata’s placement on the soccer team in jeopardy. Or both of their school lives overall, for that matter.
And yet…
Akira sees another passing shadow and almost wishes that people would see them. Especially the girls. All the girls he has envied, who wear their hearts on their sleeves and are unapologetic in their pursuit of Kanata.
After all, for a lucky few their brave love confessions had gotten them a taste of Kanata, no matter how briefly.
Akira wants them to see. He wants them to witness the way Kanata looks at him, and holds him, and kisses him. He wants them to know that Kanata chose Akira. Kanata loves Akira.
He’s mine, Akira wants to tell them all, wants to scream it from the rooftop where the two of them started falling in love.
They don't stop kissing until the bell rings, announcing the end of lunch break. Akira releases Kanata reluctantly, loath to part ways to their separate classrooms. His eyes linger on Kanata's lips, reddened and glistening and so inviting he has to hold himself back from jumping him.
It's Friday and he knows Kanata has soccer practice over the weekend, to prepare for an upcoming game. They won't see each other until Monday, and so—
'Do you want to come over after school?'
Kanata looks up quickly from smoothing down his blazer. 'What?'
Akira can't blame his surprise. He has been to Kanata's house a few times already, something that always entails time spent innocently, listening to music or playing video games—or more accurately, Kanata trying to teach Akira video games—because his family are usually around. Kanata's younger brother in particular is prone to walking into his room without knocking.
This is the first time Akira has extended the invitation, though. He licks his lips, nervous though there really isn't any reason to be. 'We can do homework together.'
'Is… that okay? Me coming over?'
He nods. 'It's the weekend so you can also stay the night if it gets late. I can find some of my brother's old clothes for you.'
Kanata stares at him for a long moment. 'Your parents won't mind?’
Akira does a mental scroll of his calendar. ‘They won't be around until next week.'
Kanata raises his eyebrows. Slowly.
'Oh.' Akira's cheeks go hot, suddenly realising what everything that just came out of his mouth sounds like. 'That's pretty normal! They're away on business trips a lot,' he rushes to explain.
'Mm hmm. And your brother is at university.'
Well, technically Hikaru is back from Kyoto on a short break. But he prefers staying at Kanda-san's place, so it's still only Akira at home.
There's a smug tilt to Kanata's lips that makes Akira blush even harder as they head to the door. ‘Okay then, let's do homework tonight.'
They're almost to their classrooms when Kanata adds in a drawl, 'Is that what people are calling it nowadays?'
'Kanata!'
The echoes of Kanata's easy laughter warm Akira from within for the rest of his classes.
~***~
The happy, contented feeling in his chest burns bright the whole day up until they reach the school gates. That's where they are accosted by a second-year girl, who nervously asks to speak with Kanata.
Clutched in her hands is obviously a love letter.
Akira's smile drops.
'Ah. Actually, now is a bit…' Kanata begins, shifting on his feet as he looks from her to Akira.
'I'll wait here for you,' Akira interrupts.
Kanata hesitates. 'You sure?'
'Mm.' Akira nods, his fingers tightening on the straps of his bag.
Kanata lingers for a couple seconds, giving Akira a long look. Akira can't quite meet his eyes.
'Okay. I'll be right back.' Kanata walks back into the school grounds, falling into step with the girl who ducks her head shyly, saying, 'Thank you, Aoyama-senpai.'
Sighing, Akira leans against the wall. He watches the other students leave, not really seeing them.
It shouldn't bother him that yet another person is trying to ask out Kanata. He'd witnessed it happen enough times before they got together. And he already knows what Kanata's reply will be.
He's a good person, so he will hear out everything she has to say. He will let her down with a gentle, I can't return them but I appreciate your feelings. Then he will accept her letter anyway, because he recognises the effort she put into writing it, and—
'Let's go!'
Akira startles at the arm flung around his shoulders, holding him against a familiar body. With a grin, Kanata pulls him along the sidewalk.
Akira's eyes flick between Kanata's hands. No love letter in sight.
'That was quick,' he says uncertainly.
'Hmm?'
'I thought… It seemed like what she wanted to say would've taken longer?'
'Oh, yeah,' Kanata says with a shrug. 'I told her I'm already seeing someone before she could confess.'
Akira's mouth goes slack. 'Eh?'
Kanata blinks at him. 'Eh?'
'No, I mean,' Akira bites his lower lip, trying to find the words. 'Why? Because, don't you usually…?'
'Ah. Yes, well… You told me, didn't you? I don't want you to receive anyone else's feelings anymore. I only get to receive yours, right?'
Oh. Hearing his own desperate words quoted back nearly verbatim makes Akira blush hotly. Again. It really is unfair how effortlessly Kanata can have that effect on him.
Kanata smiles at him, his eyes soft. 'So here I am. I'm taken by Akira, aren't I?'
'Baka…' Akira mumbles, averting his gaze, heart so full he fears it may burst.
Laughing, Kanata just squeezes him closer.
~***~
To their credit, they do manage to get a good chunk of homework done that night.
They're sat on the living room floor, their texts and notebooks spread out across the coffee table instead of Akira's desk in his room, partly due to the extra space out here, and partly—mostly—because Akira has been second-guessing himself after, well, everything at lunch.
He feels a little too hot around the collar, to think about bringing Kanata into his bedroom.
As if he himself hadn't been in Kanata's room just last week, Akira chides himself when he catches his straying thoughts. Though, of course, there hadn't been anything more than innocent kisses between moments filled with music and DVDs and video games in Kanata's room.
But that stray thought leads back to the girl who'd tried to ask out Kanata earlier, and then inevitably, the many faceless girls that Kanata had previously said yes to. It prickles at Akira, imagining him being with them.
Had Kanata taken them to his room too? Had he given them kisses there, daringly timed between his family's interruptions? Had he done more than kissing with them? Where had he—?
'Akira?'
He snaps out of the growing vortex of unwanted thoughts, turning to look up at Kanata who has gotten off the floor, abandoning his half-done algebra to sprawl back on the couch. He looks soft and cosy in one of Hikaru's old tracksuit pants and Henley shirt, a better fit than Akira's clothes would have been considering his much slimmer build. Still, the Henley hugs Kanata a bit tighter in places than it had on Hikaru. Neither of the Senkawa brothers has ever been the sporty type.
'Earth to Akira,' Kanata says in a singsong, looking amused. 'What's got you spacing out like that?'
'Um…'
'I mean, math has that effect on me all the time, but you actually know how to find that stupid X,' Kanata continues laughingly. 'So what can it possibly be, hmm?' He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. It brings his handsome face close, hovering above Akira's upturned one. 'Thinking about me, are ya?'
His eyes crinkle at the corners from the force of his teasing smile, as disarmingly charming as always. It makes something trip in Akira's chest. Unfair. Kanata is so unfair to him.
'Yes,' he says quietly without thinking.
The directness takes Kanata aback, his eyes going wide. Akira acts on instinct. He bobs his head up, bumping their lips together in a clumsy kiss.
'Akira…'
He drops his pen, hears it roll away across the floor but doesn't care a whit. He's on the couch in seconds, pushing Kanata back against the upholstery, his knees bracketing the other's thighs.
Strong thighs. All muscle. It's no surprise, Kanata being an athlete. But the sturdy feel of them underneath him still sends shivers up Akira's spine as he straddles his boyfriend and kisses him for all he's worth.
It's the first time he's ever pulled a move like this. He has never been this forward, not even when he was the one initiating things with Kanda-san.
With an oomph of surprise, Kanata wraps his arms firmly around Akira, bearing his weight and adjusting him on his lap with an easy strength that's terribly attractive. His mouth opens readily under Akira's, letting him lick inside with quite a bit less finesse than Kanata had demonstrated earlier that day. Kanata doesn't seem to mind though; if anything, he's enjoying it, humming while he drags his tongue against Akira's in a kiss that is quickly turning messy.
When Kanata catches his tongue between his teeth and gives a lazy suck, Akira's legs go weak like they did the first time they properly made out. He collapses on his lap with a throaty moan, winding his fingers through the thick mane of Kanata's soft hair, trying to ground himself.
Kanata breaks the kiss with a half-muted swear. 'This the real homework you wanted to do, hmm?'
Panting, Akira chases his lips. He utters a soft noise of protest when Kanata turns his head so that his mouth lands on his jaw instead.
'I knew it,' Kanata says with a breathless giggle. He raises a hand to ease off Akira's reading glasses, which are now skewered at an odd angle on his nose. He hadn't even noticed them getting in the way. 'I knew you had ulterior motives. Yarashii Akira-kun!'
Akira rolls his eyes. For all his playfulness, Kanata is just as affected by him, his breaths coming loud and ragged.
'Oh, shut up and kiss me, baka,' he says in a hiss that turns into a happy whine when Kanata wraps him up flush against his chest and obliges his demand very thoroughly indeed.
It's so good, being kissed like this. Like Kanata can't bear to be torn away from Akira for even a second, which is just as well because Akira thinks he might faint if Kanata stops kissing him.
He might faint if Kanata doesn't stop kissing him, even. Just from the overwhelming tsunami of emotions crashing over his head at being held and loved by the boy he used to think he couldn't ever have. The boy that he sometimes still feels like he doesn't deserve to have.
But Akira does have him now and he won't be stupid enough to lose him.
Mine, he thinks dazedly, squirming in Kanata's lap, unable to stop pressing their bodies together. Constantly needing to know that this is real. Kanata is here, Kanata loves him. Not that girl from earlier, not any of the girls from before, or anyone who would surely try later.
Mine, he brands the word over and over onto Kanata's lips, rolling his body to push them together even more.
Kanata makes a little gasping sound, his fingers digging into Akira's back. He stutters out his name, his voice muffled.
'Hmm?' Akira hums into his mouth.
Kanata's grip tightens, his large hands enveloping the sides of Akira's thin waist. He doesn't push him away, but the next roll of Akira's hips is met with resistance, stilling him in Kanata's lap.
That's when Akira realises that he is hard. Not fully, no—not yet—but surely enough for Kanata to feel it against his toned stomach.
Akira's embarrassment is momentary. It is dashed against the rocks of Kanata's dark gaze, intense and hungry—decidedly not full of the disgust or judgement that part of Akira, the one that's still stuck in his middle school memories, is braced for.
The way Kanata looks at him, Akira is heady with it. His thoughts start racing, fervently wondering what would happen if he just… didn't stop.
No, wait, he doesn't have any… supplies at home. He's never needed them here, since he'd always met with Kanda-san at his place or outside.
Outside. That's a thought. Akira briefly imagines what it would be like if he'd asked Kanata to go to a love hotel instead of his house.
But… no. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want to share anything with Kanata in some nameless place like they have to hide their feelings for each other.
He wants Kanata right here, in Akira's space where no one else has been before. He wants Kanata in his room, in his bed; wants to feel the solid warmth of his body pressing down on top of him, inside of him…
That last thought is dizzying. Akira has never gone that far before. All the way, like people call it. He has certainly thought about it, but it's always been a distant, abstract kind of idea. To imagine being like that with Kanata, for them to become one like that, to know Kanata so intimately, so deep, it's just…!
The sound of the front door opening jolts them apart.
They stare at each other for a split second, equally shocked, then there are voices out in the entryway and Akira scrambles sideways off of Kanata. He just manages to tug a cushion over his lap before his older brother appears in the living room doorway.
'Huh? Akira, you're here,' says Hikaru, looking surprised. 'No cram school tonight?'
'No,' says Akira, glad that his voice is steady. He gestures to Kanata beside him. 'I'm just doing homework with my… my friend.' He clears his throat delicately. 'Nii-san, this is Aoyama Kanata. From school. Kanata, this is my brother.'
Kanata is on his feet at once, introducing himself with a polite bow. 'I'm Aoyama. It's nice to meet you, Senkawa-san.'
'Just call me Hikaru, Aoyama-kun,' says Hikaru with that easy friendliness that never comes as naturally to his younger brother. 'I think this is the first time I've seen Akira invite anyone over.'
It's not lost on Akira the way Hikaru's eyes catch on the clothes Kanata is wearing. Not as if he minds that a stranger is wearing his stuff, but just… questioning.
No wonder. Akira's never brought anyone home to hang out with, much less spend the night. And now here is Kanata, all in one, out of the blue.
Swallowing, Akira gets to his feet, still holding the cushion in what he hopes is an unassuming manner. He stands beside Kanata, their upper arms brushing together. 'I didn't know you'd be home tonight, nii-san. I didn't order enough takeout.'
'Nah, that's all right,' says Hikaru brightly, walking inside and shrugging off his backpack. He heads towards the stairs, calling over his shoulder, 'I'm only here to pick up extra clothes. I'm going to Hakone for a few days with Yoichi before I go back to Uni.'
'I still think we should do Kawagoe instead. It's closer.'
That's when Akira finally notices the other figure in the doorway. 'Kanda-san,' he exclaims in mild surprise.
'Good evening, Akira-kun,' Kanda Yoichi says, entering the living room with a smile.
There's a sharp intake of breath to Akira's right. He feels Kanata stiffen beside him.
Akira turns to him. His jaw nearly drops. Kanata's face is… he's never seen him wear an expression so dark. Brows furrowed, jaw tight, mouth pressed in a thin line. His fingers are clenched into fists hard enough to make his arms tremble.
The only time Akira has seen Kanata even close to this angry was the day he'd pathetically tried to push him away after that soccer game.
'Kana—'
'And you must be Kanata-kun, right?' says Kanda, approaching them.
Kanata appears to catch himself, schooling his expression into something neutral and pleasant with impressive speed. Akira realises he has seen that mask before; it's how Kanata looks when faced with girls intent on confessing to him.
He introduces himself to Kanda in the same respectful tone he'd used with Hikaru. Except his hands, Akira notices. They're still balled into fists.
Kanda glances from Kanata to Akira and back again. Like Hikaru, he takes in the clothes Kanata is wearing, but his gaze also lingers on Kanata's hair—mussed from Akira's insistent fingers—and Akira's spectacles discarded on the couch.
And finally, the cushion Akira is still holding in front of him (although his arousal has long died).
That's when it strikes Akira that Kanda probably recognises Kanata from the night they accidentally ran into each other. He knows this is the boy for whom Akira had struggled with his feelings for so long.
And he has likely realised what they are to each other now.
'It's very nice to finally meet you,' Kanda says in response to Kanata's greeting. 'I've heard lovely things about you from Akira-kun. I used to be his tutor.'
'Ah. I see.' Kanata gives a close-lipped smile. A muscle flexes in his jaw.
Kanda holds up a pastry box. 'Here's some cake Hikaru picked up for you—'
'You mean cake you bullied me into buying on the way,' Hikaru interrupts, reappearing down the stairs with a significantly fuller backpack.
'You should do more nice things for Akira-kun, you know,' Kanda sighs. 'Be a good big brother.'
'I do! I am! And we're absolutely going to Hakone, by the way. This is the weather for hot springs! Save your nerdy Kawagoe for next summer.'
'I'll hold you to that,' says Kanda mildly. He holds out the cake box to Akira. 'I'm afraid we only got one. We weren't expecting—'
'That's okay, Kanata and I can share. Thank you,' says Akira, quickly taking the box. He's a little too aware of how motionless Kanata is next to him.
'Great. Let's go, Yoichi,' says Hikaru impatiently from the doorway. He pauses at the pointed look Kanda gives him, then turns to Akira. 'Er, need anything before I go?'
Akira shakes his head. 'Have a nice trip, nii-san.'
'Cool. I'll see you in a bit. Nice meeting you, Aoyama-kun!'
Hikaru grabs Kanda by the arm and yanks him out into the entryway before Kanata has even finished replying. There's a bit more Hakone versus Kawagoe back-and-forth, then the front door slams shut and they're gone.
~***~
The silence that follows is… heavy. Loaded. Akira hasn't felt that around Kanata since those fraught days when their friendship had seemed on the brink of breaking.
He glances at his boyfriend and finds Kanata's head hanging low, his eyes shadowed by the fringe of his hair. His lips are drawn thin, his jaw clenched.
'Kanata, are you…?' Akira trails off, not knowing what had gone wrong and, honestly, a little afraid to ask. Kanata is just… so still.
He needs a moment to collect himself. Clearing his throat, he heads to the dining table across the room. 'Shall we take a break from studying and eat some cake? Though I should warn you, when it comes to my brother, I can't guarantee his choice will be any good.'
There is no reply from behind him while Akira, fighting down his nerves, sets the box on the table. Inside is a towering slice of chocolate cake decadently covered in ganache. It smells rich and heavenly, but it leans more towards Hikaru's preference than Akira's.
That certainly tells him one thing. 'Hmm, Kanda-san must have picked this.'
Much better than Hikaru fumbling to pick anything edible for Akira, frankly. His brother probably would've gone for the most adventurous flavour available, which definitely would've turned out to be the last thing Akira would enjoy. Kanda-san has always had the better sense of the two when it comes to these things, though he tends to be biased towards whatever Hikaru likes. A symptom of unrequited love maybe, Akira muses.
'Why don't you have a seat, I'll get the forks—'
'Did Kanda-san pick that because you like chocolate cake?'
Akira freezes, startled. Kanata's voice had sounded right over his shoulder. He hadn't even heard him approach.
'I didn't know that chocolate is your favourite.' Kanata's arms appear on either side of Akira's hips, bracing his hands against the dinner table. Trapping Akira between it and Kanata's chest. His breath is hot on the shell of Akira's ear. 'What else does that guy know about you that I don't?'
'I…' Akira is at a loss for words, his breath stuttering from Kanata's sudden closeness. His voice. His words. What is happening?
'It's, um, actually it's what my brother likes,' Akira says slowly. He can feel the heat of Kanata's body all along his back. Like a branding iron. He swallows thickly. 'My favourite is Castella.'
'Yeah?'
The tip of Kanata's nose is cold, tracing a cool trail from the junction of Akira's neck to right behind his ear. It makes him shiver. Then Kanata is grabbing at him, spinning him around so that they're facing each other. His dark eyes bore into him.
'Akira. Can I kiss you?'
For the first time, that question sounds like something else entirely.
'What?' Akira whispers.
'I can kiss you anywhere, yeah? You said I'm allowed.'
Speechless, all Akira can manage is a nod.
Kanata's lips are on his at once, kissing him hard and deep, stealing the very breath from him. It's far more intense than how Kanata had kissed him that afternoon, like he's trying to consume Akira whole. Eat him all up.
He leaves Akira gasping and shuddering while his mouth travels along his jawline, the arch of his neck, sucking harsh kisses into his skin. Akira is certain there will be bruises left in their wake, high enough that even his collar might not hide them.
The thought makes him giddy for a moment. He imagines, then, other people seeing them. The girls at school seeing them, Akira's neck covered with the proof of Kanata's desire while the two of them walk together. He lets himself indulge in the satisfaction of it, just for a second.
'Kanata,' he says then, pushing at his shoulders. 'Careful, you… you're going to leave marks…!'
Kanata makes an objecting sound low in his throat. He trails his mouth up Akira's neck, leaving a few more kisses before coming back up to his lips. His hand slips under Akira's sweater, pressing warm fingertips into the dip of his spine.
Oh. 'W–wait, Kanata,' Akira stammers. 'To do this here—what if they come back for something? They’ll see us!'
‘Good,’ Kanata growls. ‘I want that guy to see.’
That guy?
Without warning, Kanata grabs him around the waist and heaves, actually lifts him off the floor like Akira's weight is nothing. Akira yelps in surprise at the unexpected manhandling, flinging his legs automatically around Kanata's hips. Kanata sets him down on the dining table, cupping the nape of Akira's neck with one hand while the other settles under a thigh, keeping them pressed together with not a hair's breadth between their bodies. It makes the blood pound in Akira's ears, pretty silly considering how Akira had been the one to literally climb into Kanata's lap not twenty minutes ago.
Kanata's lips find his again, then his jaw, his cheek, his earlobe. 'Did that guy kiss you here?'
‘What?’ Akira says, shocked. He tries to ease back to meet Kanata's eyes, but the other holds him tighter, burying his face into Akira's neck.
'Or was it here?' Kanata nips at the soft skin behind Akira's ear. 'Or here?' He mouths down to suckle at the spot where Akira's neck meets shoulder, a sensitive spot that makes him inhale sharply. 'Yeah?'
Akira bites his lower lip, parsing the situation. 'That guy… You mean Kanda-san?'
Kanata curses under his breath.
'Hey…?'
‘It drives me mad,’ Kanata mutters, sounding ragged and strangely helpless. ‘I know it shouldn’t, I know it's stupid and irrational, but…!’
‘What are you talking about?' Akira whispers. He thinks he's starting to understand, but he needs to hear it.
'That he got to have you first.' Kanata raises his head, and Akira thinks he will drown in the maelstrom of emotions reflected in those beautiful eyes. 'Knowing that he's touched you and kissed you and—and knows you. I just… I hate it.'
They look at each other for a few seconds, Kanata looking troubled and guilty, and Akira finally comprehending and…
Relieved.
Oh god. He's not alone in this.
'You're jealous,' he whispers. It's a statement, not an accusation, but Kanata winces.
'Yeah, I'm… shit, I'm sorry, Akira, I know that's messed up—'
'Good. Because I'm messed up too.'
'Huh?' Kanata blinks rapidly.
'I'm jealous too,' Akira explains. He heaves a sigh, feeling like a weight has dropped off him with those words. 'I'm so, so jealous of all the people who got to have you before I did. I've been going a bit crazy thinking about it.'
They fall quiet again, both processing each other's confessions.
Kanata is the first to break the delicate silence. 'But you know, the thing is,' he begins slowly, 'they didn't have me. Not really. Not the way you do. You're the only one to have all of me.' And he smiles, open and earnest.
It makes the corners of Akira's eyes sting. He smiles back, a little wobbly. 'He didn't have me, either. Like I said before, there was no love there. Not the way I'm in love with you.'
'Akira…'
'I love you, Kanata.'
Neither of them has said it aloud again since the day Akira chased after Kanata. They don't really need to. But it feels good and right to say it now. Kanata looks a little stunned, in fact.
'Akira,' he breathes, 'I love you so much.' An echo of his exact words from that day.
Kanata pounces on him again, drowning Akira in kisses that he welcomes greedily. Clinging to Kanata's neck, he digs the back of his shins into Kanata's thighs, not wishing to leave any space whatsoever between them. The table beneath him gives some good leverage, and Akira lets his hips roll against Kanata, seeking the closeness he so craves, the ferocious need for them to be melded together.
Kanata huffs a laugh into his mouth and pulls back just enough to speak. 'Maybe we should slow down with that a little bit, hmm?'
Akira tries not to frown, but he can't stop his lips pursing into a pout. 'Okay. But why?' He'd seen the ravenous look in Kanata's eyes earlier on the couch, after all.
With a hum, Kanata pecks the corner of his mouth. ''Cause you're not someone I'm just fooling around with.'
'I'm not fooling around with you either?' Akira points out.
'Yeah. But just… Let me properly savour loving you, okay?'
Akira sputters a little, his face going hot. How is Kanata able to come out and just say something like that so directly?
Kanata laughs at his reaction. He hugs him close, nuzzling into Akira's neck. 'We have time.'
'Mm.'
'But when the time comes, I should probably warn you…'
'What?'
Kanata nips at his neck, then presses a soothing kiss to the spot. 'I intend to replace every bit of that man's touch on you with mine.'
A shiver dances down Akira's spine at the heated promise. Spoken like a threat, almost.
'Good,' he murmurs, resting his cheek on Kanata's shoulder. 'Because I intend to do the same with you.'