Chapter Text
Lilly doesn't know why she does these things to herself.
Truly, she doesn't.
The air is light, the sky is bright, the sun is even shining, and yet all she wants to do is get back on the plane home and lock herself in her bedroom for the next two weeks.
Ever since arriving at this high-class, probably all-too fancy resort yesterday, she's been absolutely crawling with the desire to leave. If she thought the process of something so minuscule as packing for this shit was bad, then she'd been sorely mistaken.
This, whatever it even is, is far, far worse.
Because every second she spends here, bathing beneath the sunlight in her dollar-store quality swimming suit and polyester over-shorts feels like a disservice to her. It cements the knife further — has her briefly wanting to jump into the sea and walk so deep that she suffocates herself.
Unfortunately for her, though, Ribbit's been keeping a close eye on her, and Kaufmo's fingers tremble whenever she makes the mistake of voicing jokes like that aloud — so she's kinda just settled on keeping it to herself. All of it can remain trapped and contained within this sand-sicken, sun-ridden, jumbled up head of hers.
She kicks her legs back and forth as she sits atop her plastic, shoddily-made chair. Every so often, her knees catch against the underside of the wooden table and she shudders — raw wood is not a nice sensation against the skin — before glancing upwards to check that nobody had noticed.
In doing so, almost as if on cue, she notices Ribbit's figure blend into her vision as they walk over. They're juggling three ice creams in their hands, each of them a gift they'd decided to grab and pay for on their own accord, rather than asking the other two. Lilly raises a cautious eyebrow.
"Heya!" They gleam, bumping their hip into the side of the table. "The ice cream van over there was crazy cheap."
They secure their chair at the table, pulling it out and huffing a sigh when it struggles against the coarse texture of the sand, before planting themself down. They glance at Kaufmo, then at Lilly, before finally placing down one of the three desserts.
"I got a strawberry knickerbocker glory for Kaufy," they elaborate, flicking the plastic container as far over in Kaufmo's direction as possible.
His eyes brighten with surprise, and he glances towards the colourful spoon held tightly between their ring and index finger. They drop it to the table and angle their head towards it as though commanding him to pick it up himself. He very happily obliges.
"A vanilla waffle cone for me," They continue onwards, able to properly grasp it in their hand now that they're not balancing so many things all at once. Enunciating their point, they lick the very tip of the frozen dessert, before shooting one, final glance towards Lilly. "And a chocolate soft serve for Lilly."
They extend the cone out towards her, throwing a smile onto their hot-pink cheeks as they wave it back and forth, almost a little teasing.
Lilly glances up and narrows her eyes. Ribbit returns her gaze with something kind; something all shimmery and bright, before she scoffs dramatically under her breath and accepts the cone into her palms.
She goes to wrap her jaw around the damned thing, before suddenly pausing as she feels something dab her skin. A dot of ice cream seems to have dripped down the cone, spilling over the barrier of the flakey wafer and landing upon her index finger.
She grumbles to herself, irritated at the inevitable sticky stain that'll leave against her skin, and raises it to her lips.
..It doesn't even taste that good.
Nostalgic? Sure! Sweet? Definitely.
But.. Good?
Now, that isn't a word she'd use to describe the sensation of the sickly sugar rolling down her tongue and plummeting towards her throat.
It's kinda, like— more on the end of mediocre. Mid, as the kids would say. Had it not been a very kind gift from a very kind best friend, she'd probably even drop it down another tier in this mental tier list she wouldn't ever voice aloud.
Yet still, her eyes dart towards the mass of it swirled atop her cone, and she encompasses her lips over the very top of the spiral. She bites down, feeling the sharp, chilling sensation pressing against her teeth, and completely ignoring it. As is the way with most of her feelings.
But then she feels the scalding glare of another burning into her skin, and a shudder rolls down her spine. She glimpses upwards, only to notice Ribbit shooting her an evil look.
They notice her gaze, and are about to roll their eyes at her, before pausing abruptly. Their pupils shine over, getting all glossy and glimmery, and their smile deepens into a smirk as a taunt pulls itself from their lips, "Eww, Lilly, you bite your ice cream?"
"You don't?" Lilly responds. She fulfils Ribbit's earlier bout of hesitancy by rolling her own eyes, strikingly tilting her head back as she looks down her nose at them. "Biting your ice cream is the most efficient way to eat it — do you wanna spend half your life licking and scraping away at something as insignificant as an ice cream?"
A short, quick spur of laughter escapes from Ribbit's throat, tumbling out in silly giggles until they're cut short and silent as they hold themself back. They don't want to put an end to their faux offense.
Lilly, too, continues to commit to it. Her head lolls back down towards its usual level, then even further down as her lips hover over what remains of her ice cream cone. The very tip of the swirl has already been demolished, leaving the midsection and end to be polished off.
Making a rather grand show of it, Lilly closes her lips around most of the midsection. Her body shudders as a tart chill fills her mouth, hanging viciously atop her tongue, though it's quickly discarded as she gulps it all back away.
Ribbit's eyes widen at the sight, and within another couple seconds, what remains of the base of the ice cream is gone, too.
"See?" She jeers. "Easy."
Ribbit blinks a couple times at her, semi taken aback, before scoffing beneath their breath and huffing out a retort.
"Okay, yeah, but where's the enjoyment in that?" They shoot back, nodding to themself to provide a boost to their self confidence. "You gotta savour it, like me and Kau—"
They pause.
Both Lilly and Ribbit glance towards Kaufmo.
There is absolutely nothing savoury about the way in which he is demolishing that ice cream.
"Okay, never mind," Ribbit groans.
Both Lilly and Kaufmo chuckle, a little like they're in sync, and Ribbit throws their hands up in mock defeat — completely taken down by them both.
"Whatever," they roll their eyes, still pressing the matter even after it's over. It's kinda like they're trying to feign nonchalance even despite the sarcasm that seeps into the singular word. "You guys win."
Kaufmo's smile deepens, and he raises an eyebrow in Lilly's direction as a bright white fist rises upwards. Lilly's lips twitch with glee, and she connects her lilac knuckles with the far larger splay of fingers. Ribbit grumbles beneath their breath again.
From here on out, nobody really opens their mouth to exchange any further conversation.
It's not that weird for the trio, having shared practically every single moment of their lived existence together within the past couple years. Two of them had graduated college together, all three had moved in together, and literally every evening from then on was spent huddled before the television whilst words of gossip and overheard rumours were spilt from sworn-sealed lips. They'd run out of things to talk about.
Hence why now, the silence beneath the shimmering sun is actually pretty tolerable. Lilly would even go so far as to say comfortable — a word she doesn't use for very many things at all.
Kaufmo chugs away at his ice cream, absolutely wiping out the couple dots and licks of it that remain, whilst Ribbit ever-so slowly laps away at her own vanilla cone. And all Lilly can do is merely watch from afar, having finished her own already.
With every hand movement or subtle facial expression change, she feels the empty hole in her heart glaze over. There's a growing fondness in her chest, though you'd struggle to ever get her to admit that. It'd probably take an alcoholic drink or two — maybe even an additional slap or threat if she's feeling extra cagey on the day.
She sighs to herself, finally able to ignore the inconvenience of the summer resort, and lolls her head back as she closes her eyes. She can feel the rays of the sun on her skin, probably burning it by now, perhaps even threatening to leave her with a life changing cancer that could wipe her out completely.
.. In fact, she'd probably welcome a challenge like that. Go ahead and give her skin cancer, she still can't be bothered to put on your damn sun screen!
But then, suddenly, her relaxing and sunbathing is disturbed as she overhears Kaufmo click his tongue — something he rather frequently does before opening a conversation — and all of those warm, squishy feelings melt away. She realises how stupidly sentimental she'd been being.
She shoots a glance in his direction, and Ribbit does much the same. He fiddles with his fingers momentarily, before gazing upwards.
".. Do either of you wanna go for a swim?" he finally asks, eyes blinking and open as he scans the crowd for potential reactions.
And all Lilly can do is grimace. She thinks she'd rather die.
Ribbit, on the other hand, nods eagerly, despite not even shifting in their seat.
"I'll be over in a minute!" They beam, brushing Kaufmo off and away as they wave their hands out and over in the direction of the sea. He raises an eyebrow, prompting them to fiddle with their fingers for a short moment. "Just, uh.. Gimme a second, kay?"
Kaufmo's eyebrows stay raised, but he eventually gives in with a short, to-the point nod, before rising tall off of the chair and twirling around on his clumsy feet. He bumbles his way over to the sea, waddling like a penguin as he warbles back and forth.
Lilly's eyes return back towards the sole person remaining at the table, cautiously raising an eyebrow. She's pretty sure there's more to that request of theirs.
Ribbit fidgets somewhat uncomfortably beneath Lilly's gaze. They rock back and forth in their chair, padding their large feet against the sand as they scan their surroundings. After their third or fourth run of this, they casually look up. Right into Lilly's eyes.
"So, uh.." Ribbit mumbles, and Lilly can already tell what's about to come. She braces herself, heaving a breath inwards, so that the words, "You doing okay?" don't even come as a shock to her.
She stares at them for a moment, her pupils large and blown out whilst her smile remains eerily wide.
A moment passes.
A beat, and then another.
And her mask just.. drops.
She doesn't feel like she needs to keep this act up much longer. Her pupils go small again, her smile no longer quite so wide.
A couple seconds later, she begins to press her palms into the ridges of the table. She feels the dirt and the grime beginning to stick to her skin as she hums gently.
It's not agreeance, but she also wouldn't say she's disagreeing either. Maybe she's merely filling the void of the empty space between them — the stale air, the awaiting conversation.
She adds an extra ounce of pressure into her touch, and she begins to really feel all of the textures on her skin. The small flakes of mud, the sticky residue of ice cream.
It's kind of a distraction, in a way. Something to busy herself with so that she doesn't have to deal with the impending doom of whatever therapy speak Ribbit has awaiting her.
They've been in this situation before. Many times, actually. They always kinda knows how to get into her head and prod at all the things that are making her upset. They're often able to get her to open up, which she hates to admit actually helps sometimes, and—
"Lilly?"
She's pulled out of her head and straight back into the room.
.. Or, well, the beach. This isn't exactly a room.
The question comes flooding back to her — her mask still unveiled and her heart beating heavy. She shrugs her shoulders, answering truthfully, "I wanna go home."
She doesn't look upwards to take any note of Ribbit's expression, but having known them for so long, she could probably guarantee almost exactly what they do.
There's a fair shot they narrow their eyes, maybe blink a couple times, before their smile twists up into a silly little smirk. A couple seconds later, she hears a chuckle, and she just about knows he's gotten it all right.
They raise a hand to their lips, masking their laughter, before casually nodding. "Hey — you and me both."
Lilly pauses, pushes herself back on his chair and raises an eyebrow. ".. So why are we even here, then?"
"For Kaufy," Ribbit responds quickly. "And to get you out of that dark ass room for the first time in a good while."
Lilly finally raises her eyes to stare at them here, and the return of their own glare causes her to roll them dramatically. "My room isn't that bad—"
"It's not good for your health to hole yourself up all the time," they butt in, leaning forward and extending a finger outwards. They poke it into her very chest. "Two weeks away will do you good."
"But I'm fi—"
"You don't have to lie." Ribbit blinks at her nice and slow, making sure she gets the point, before drawing herself back away onto her own chair. "You don't have to be fine."
Lilly grimaces and grumbles a little — tightening her lips, releasing them, clicking her tongue, before finally stiffening her shoulders as she cowers in on herself.
"But you paid all this money for us to be here right now," she mutters beneath her breath. "..Kinda feels like I do."
"You could be on the most expensive beach in the world, and you still wouldn't have to be fine," Ribbit retorts. Their voice is soft, now. Gentle, and comforting. "Depression doesn't just.. Stop. We both know that."
They both fall silent. Comfortably silent. Because they both know they're right, and they both understand that pretending they're wrong will lead them nowhere.
But then Ribbit takes a quick glimpse behind Lilly's head and their eyes suddenly widen — larger than dinner plates.
"Oh, shit, Kaufmo's fucking drowning—!" They spit out haphazardly, and before Lilly even has a chance to check for herself, they're already up and running out to the sea.
Her head whirrs behind her, doing a complete 180, and all she's able to see out in the distance is the flailing of arms beneath the water and the panicked footsteps of Ribbit as they rush as far as they can. She gulps, a striking sense of fear shuddering down her spine, and pushes her chair to one side as she raises to her feet.
She's not quite as quick as Ribbit as she makes her way over. She has this irritating tendency to either pause, slow down, or stop completely when faced with overwhelming dread. But the pace of her feet is definitely still quicker than it otherwise would be, so she supposes that should account for something.
Kaufmo seems to resurface in the time that it takes for them both to hobble over. Though it's rather notable that he isn't resurfacing on his own.
He'd held tightly within the arms of a lifeguard— one who's honey brown hair sticks out from within the sea, wading its way through the water as she hauls him back up towards the top.
And Lilly almost feels a little.. Bad? For her?
She's so small — so seemingly frail, and yet she's carrying someone who's probably double both her height and weight.
But still, even with all of her disadvantages, not a single aspect of her seems to be put off by the job. Not her gait, not her walk.. Not even her face.
Lilly feels her chest flutter a little at the thought, her lips contorting downward as she masks those butterflies with a sordid frown. Not the time.
Ribbit is too far away for Lilly to be able to gauge her reaction, but judging by the way that they basically fall at Kaufmo's feet a few metres in the distance, she's going to assume it's something semi-positive. She takes a couple wider strides, no longer held back quite so significantly by that freezing fear of hers now that there's a sense of hope brewing in her chest.
She can hear Ribbit ask a question or two, spewing out what words of gratitude that she can with her hoarse throat and dry lips. The lifeguard doesn't respond very much, mostly humming or giving awkward glances. After all, there are far more pressing issues at hand right now.
Lilly doesn't see how the next part plays out properly, but she can understand a thing or two from the distance she's at. She sees the lifeguard examine Kaufmo's body — sees her press him into all sorts of different positions as she pushes her ear up to his chest and listens to the beating of his heart. No less than a couple seconds later, her pinwheel-shaped pupils widen.
Lilly does not consider this to be a good sign.
The lifeguard's hands fly out in front of her and press into Kaufmo's chest, her legs pushed into a crouch as she begins to perform CPR.
.. Also not a good sign.
Lilly expels her legs through the final remainder of the distance, meeting up with Ribbit and the lifeguard, where the two share an anxious, uncertain look. They both glance down at Kaufmo — his eyes closed, his breathing still there but incredibly weak.
Ribbit shoots a glimpse towards the lifeguard. "Is he— Do you think he'll be okay?"
She peeks behind her, tilting her head towards the source of the noise. She tightens her lips, and shrugs. "I.. don't know.." She says between heavy breaths, with beads of sweat gathering at her forehead. "I, uh.. Hope so?"
The next couple moments are so, incomprehensibly tense. All that's audible is the beating of their hearts and the swooshing of the wind in the sky — the ever-insistent pressing of the lifeguard's palms into Kaufmo's barely-beating chest. Lilly gulps. Ribbit goes all stiff.
And then, like a light amidst the darkness, Kaufmo begins to splutter.
He makes disgusting sounds. Small wretches and twisted little croaks, but for the three surrounding him, it's like music to their ears.
The lifeguard's eyes seem to fill with brightness again — a kind of hopefulness seeping in. She pauses her chest compressions for a moment, pressing her ear down to listen for any sign of a heartbeat.
But then she scrunches up her nose, swishes her head side to side, and immediately presses her hands back to his chest.
"I, uh.. I'll go grab some water?" Ribbit mumbles, choosing to hope for the best as they rise up from the ground. They're preparing themself to go running back towards the ice cream van from earlier.
The lifeguard's eyes widen, and her chest presses fall slightly off beat as she anxiously twists her head over her shoulder. "Wait, uh—!"
Ribbit pauses, obeying.
"Don't— Don't.. Do that.." She mumbles, then turning her head back to face Kaufmo as her hands resume their work.
She doesn't get to see it, but Ribbit tilts their head to one side confusedly. A moment of silence lingers between the four, and the lifeguard uses it as opportunity to elaborate a little more.
"You shouldn't give someone any food or drink after they almost drown," she explains, voice shaking as she continues to press her hands into Kaufmo's chest. "And, uh.. Even if you did, there's about a ninety percent chance they'd throw it all back up again within the next five minutes."
Ribbit slowly nods, coming to understand, and they resume their seat beside Kaufmo's flat body. Their lips slowly begin to quiver and their hands start to shake. It's almost like all of their anxiety is finally coming up to catch them, now that this has been going on for a couple minutes.
Lilly feels like the whole beach has gone silent at this point. She can't hear the chatter of families or the gentle giggling of children anymore. It's like they've been taken away — have they been taken away?
She whips her head around, running her eyes across the great expanse of the beach. There are still people there. They're still opening their mouths and chatting, and yet she can't hear them.
.. Weird.
She refocuses her gaze back against Kaufmo, occasionally shooting glances across at Ribbit. The seconds feel painstakingly slow and the minutes seem to merge into one another, feeling more and more like hours with each one that passes.
She squints her eyes and stares, a little like she's willing Kaufmo to just.. Get better. Like she wants him to suddenly fix himself.
And, rather luckily for her, he actually begins to splutter again. The lifeguard wastes no time in pressing her ear towards his chest, her eyes closed and focused as she listens, before snapping herself straight again.
She shoots a quick gander in the direction of the lifeguard's hut, where her eyes sparkle as she seems to notice someone in the distance. "Hey, uh.. Could one of you give a run-down to that lifeguard making their way over here?"
Both Ribbit and Jax stiffen up, wide-eyed and semi-confused.
"We've been a little short-staffed recently, so it's just, uh.. Been me," she continues to mutter, rambling a little more than necessary. "Ask them to call for the paramedics — they should know what to do from then on out."
Ribbit nods eagerly, and immediately rises to their feet. They rush in the direction of a someone with a bright pink, triangle-shaped head, and catch their attention within seconds.
Meanwhile, over on this side, the lifeguard makes haste in turning Kaufmo onto his side, putting one arm behind his head and another over the top of his chest as she rushes him into the recovery position. His spluttering seems to die down a little, and his eyes remain closed. But from what Lilly can see, his breathing has picked back up into a reasonable pace.
She glances towards the lifeguard, who proceeds to heave as sweat runs down her forehead. It's a little bit like she's just kinda.. catching up on existing. It makes sense, really. Her body had been run ragged from pushing and pressing and panicking — God knows what else is going on in that head of hers.
A couple more weighted breaths escape her lips, her eyes tightly closed shut whilst she waits for her breathing to even out. And, in due time, it actually does. Her ragged expression slightens up, and the movements of her chest grow surprisingly softer.
She opens her eyes. They're still lidded — likely exhausted — and she grasps at the very bottom of her bright red tank top. The white cross embedded within the middle section warps as she pulls it up towards her forehead, exposing her midriff whilst she wipes away the sweat beneath her bangs.
And Lilly's eyes immediately turn away, an uncomfortably familiar heat crawling up her neck.
That hadn't been for her eyes — she's pretty sure it hadn't. But yet, it doesn't change how hot she suddenly feels beneath her collar. It doesn't change the way her blood begins to pump through her body. It doesn't change the fact that that was strangely.. attractive?
She shakes her head, long ears flailing in the wind. Time and place, Lilly, Jesus Christ.
She positions her stare back at Kaufmo's weak, limp body, where she catches the lifeguard's shirt back down and normal in her peripheral. Cautiously, Lilly's eyes roam up and up, until she catches her gaze.
They stare at each other.
Lilly's heart thumps — the lifeguard's lips twitch.
Pretty much all of her thoughts go blank, stunted, like there shouldn't be anything else to think about in this moment. Because there's a pretty girl in front of her — and the pretty girl begins to smile at her — and God knows that's bound to kill a lesbian on sight.
Her cheeks are flushed a pretty rose pink, though it seems rather apparent that's just a part of her pale skin, and Lilly can see so much character in her face alone.
Like that sweet little dimple now that she's smiling, or the couple freckles that litter the space across her nose. Like the mismatched, asymmetric appearance of her long, black lashes, and the—
From in the not-so-far distance, Kaufmo coughs. The moment comes to a swift ruin, and the lifeguard suddenly realises there is still a very pressing matter at hand, here.
They both shoot their attention to Kaufmo, both faces mixed with an element of surprise and glee, and it's here that they find Kaufmo's eyes open.
Sure, they're still a little weak — squinting up at the sun, blinking ever so slowly, but it's an improvement neither would want to lose. His breathing also appears to have grown less ragged now that his consciousness has returned.
The lifeguard frets over him, checking him all over once more as she panickedly peeks between both him and the sand stretching out in the distance. Her eyes flicker back and forth, back and forth, until Lilly overhears a familiar voice. Her ear twitches as she follows the lifeguard's line of view — over near where the lifeguard hut rests.
A group of people are emerging — The triangular lifeguard is leading a group of paramedics behind Ribbit, who appears to be giving instructions to them all; things like, "Over here!" and "They're there!"
Within seconds, there's a stretcher bed pulled out, Kaufmo is placed onto it, and they're heading back out and off into the distance.
Ribbit remains stood behind, where they stare at Lilly. She returns the action. They knock their head to one side, signalling for them both to follow, and Lilly nods. She takes one, final peak behind her — at the lifeguard as she sits back, watching it all happen. She's just about to spare a smile at her, before she suddenly feels Ribbit's hand wrapping around her own. Next you know it, they're pulling her away.
Lilly isn't too fond of hospital rooms.
She's spent enough of her life trapped into one to be incredibly aware of the fact.
She picks at her fingers and kicks her legs back and forth, biting her bottom lip to the point where she's half convinced it'll bleed.
Kaufmo is a lot more stable now. His breathing is significantly more fluid, and he's lucid enough to hold a light-hearted conversation with Ribbit. They've been going back and forth ever since he'd woken up properly about thirty minutes ago — Lilly hasn't involved herself yet. She's just been using it as background noise to avoid how terribly drab this hospital room is.
She thinks it's kinda stupid that they're always so uncomfortably white. What kind of patient wants to sit in a sea of nothing but white? Do they not consider how much the lack of colour would drive people insane?
She scoffs beneath her breath and glances towards the door — where she can see the blue walls of the corridor outside. The floor tiles are a dark grey and the chairs are composed of a wooden grain. It's a hell of a lot more interesting than the patient's rooms.
Too quickly to process, a smear of red and white flashes past her eyes. They widen, and she raises an eyebrow.
She curls her head around the nearby wall, a budding hope brewing in her chest, only to find that it's the triangle-headed lifeguard from earlier. She grimaces, and turns back to face Kaufmo.
What fun this vacation is.
Fuck.