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Three rocky planets were nuzzled into his neck.
Hermes was the closest out of the three, purring oh so loud that the star could feel the vibrations against his throat, a soothing sensation compared to the agony he was in. Aphrodite was a little further, quiet as he always was, but firmly had himself pressed onto the back of his neck as if afraid he would disappear. Ares was the one who'd surprised him most, hiccuping softly with tears endlessly dripping down his cheeks.
"You... came for us?"
What a stupid question. Sol had really failed indeed.
Two gas giants were curled against his chest.
Zeus was whimpering and sobbing into his robes, his body trembling so hard the star had trouble holding him steady. He was absentmindedly rubbing with his thumb over the giant's back, soothing those hitching shoulders and trying to get him to rest. Cronus was curled up in the same hand, numbly staring ahead the same way he'd done when he'd gained his rings. Both their gravities shockingly heavy, one of the many, many reasons they were so exhausted.
"I... spent too long the dark, Sun."
His oldest had never been fond of the dark.
Two ice giants had managed to make themselves comfortable in his robes.
Ouranos was barely awake, his wings sometimes fluttering when trying to get comfortable as he melted into the fabric. Poseidon was no better, exhaustion having caught up, and leaving him limp and pliant in the star's embrace. Ice asteroids pressed all over their bodies as to keep them cool in the star's hold.
"Guys! It's the Sun!"
Two, and not three, much to his heart break. But Erebus made his choice. And Sol couldn't force him if that wasn't what he wanted. Erebus wasn't his.
But he was.
But Sol wasn't allowed to say that anymore.
Four hundred and fifty five moons were spread all over his body, most moons having decided to remain close to their planets. The new, sickly ones already seemed to be doing better in his light, long having dozed off and sleeping peacefully for the first time in their short lives.
Four- or five, as he counted Kharon, dwarf planets were resting in his pocket, along with four maybe-but-not-yet dwarf planets who Sol had been dying to meet. They had been coutious when he'd turned to them. Hades very clearly had been about to bolt, and take his friends away. Which was deserved. But Sol was thankful they chose to stay.
His entire system was small enough to fit in his aching arms. Even if he was missing just a couple celestials.
Terra. Selene. Demete-
Nevermind. He wasn't allowed to call them his anymore.
That thought brought back tears to his eyes.
The Sun took another shaky step, and barely avoided to stumble that time. The effects of leaving his orbit for the first time were starting to make themselves known now that the adrenaline wore off. And it was not pleasant. At all.
He was seconds away from collapsing, for one. His body was weak and shaky and hot and ill, and all Sol wanted to do was lay down and sleep. Every step burned, ate at his being, exhausted him further, the simple act of walking unfamiliar and oh so draining.
Every step he took echoed in his head, loud and ow.
The star resisted the urge to cry about the growing headache. He had other matters to tend to.
"H-hhg-" he attempted to speak, but his throat had been left raw from the amount of power he'd pushed into the solar flare to call hi- the celestials home. His voice died, and he ended up on a miserable groan instead. Ow. Ow.
"Hm?" Murmured Cronus, his ever thoughtful child- no, no, not his, having noticed his obvious difficulty to speak. "Sol?" He asked softly, his voice slurred from sleep. Ah. Perhaps Saturn had actually been sleeping at some point.
"Shh," Soothed the star, dragging a finger across Saturn's back, and relishing in the delighted shiver that ripped through that tiny frame. "Sleep, Cronus." He croaked, cringing at how rough his voice sounded. Sun... had never purposfully send out a solarflare before. Let alone one on that scale.
It didn't matter, it was fine. The celestials had noticed him. They found their way back to him.
They wanted to be with him.
Sun had never been so glad to have been a star before.
"How..." Mars, interrupted by a cough that was caused by orbital sickness, tried to ask. Oh, they were going to crash hard Sun knew it. "How much longer...?"
Good question. Sun absolutely had no experience telling what was far or how travel even worked, considering he never... you know. Left his orbit before today.
Oh stars. He left his orbit.
Terror gripped at his being every time he remembered, worsening his headache. He was glad he left, of course, he got to bring back hi- THE celestials back to the system now. But what had he been thinking?!
That had been so reckless! He wasn't supposed to leave!! He could have seriously hurt the Earth! Or the moon! Or-
Not concentrating on the unfamiliar steps, Sol swayed again, almost collapsing this time. He barely managed to catch himself with his own gravity, head dipped low and gasping for air he didn't need. Wow he was dizzy.
Wow his everything hurt.
"Sun, Sun." Mercury let go to climb up to his face and tap his cheek, grounding him back to the present with that tiny touch. His shoulders and back were in absolutely agony, a strange pain that felt strangely familiar slowly but surely blooming now that the adrenaline was fading away. "You gotta breathe, Sun."
They didn't. Not really. Sure, the sensation was nice, but they didn't have to.
But disagreeing would risk angering the celestials, and them leaving him again. So Sol just nodded in between gasps, and attempted to regain control of his breathing despite how much he felt as if he'd swallowed broken glass.
He swayed again, legs starting to hurt from the strain of using them for once. Sol really needed to sit down."S-so-" He attempted to apologize before his knees finally gave out, and the star crumbled.
Guilt bit at his core from the terrified shrieks that echoed in response, but his mind was too far gone to pay attention to them at the moment. He balanced himself with his free hand, even if the tremble made it oh so difficult, while panting for air.
Was this what orbital sickness was? It was awful, stars. Why would the planets willingly subject themselves to this?!
"We're still afraid of the dark, Sun... We just fear your light more."
Had using his light to get them to find him been a bad idea after all?
"Oh, Sol." Jupiter paused his crying to gently pat at his chest. Waves of agony instantly caused his vision to go white. But the star held back the shocked cry that threatened to spill out. Stars, don't be so pathetic Sol. "You really aren't used to leaving your orbit, huh?"
Stars Jupiter sounded tired. So tired. His poor, poor treasure.
Wait. No. Not his. He was theirs, but the planets couldn't be his.
"But the first time we got sick it wasn't near as bad, mate..." Uranus yawned, stretching all his limbs as far as they could go, feathers from his wings brushing against Sol's skin from where his robes had slipped. He held back a shiver. "And me and Neptune were the first to ever get it."
Sol would never forget that terrifying memory.
"Are they dying?!" A small Saturn cried, holding onto the unconcious Neptune for dear life while Sun, pretending to know what he was doing, gently pet an equally-bad Uranus in his hands. He was the star. He should know what this was. He should know how to fix it.
He didn't.
Did the other stars know? Why hadn't they told him?! They couldn't be as mean to planets as they had been to Sol, surely?!
"Sunny, please!!"
"You were new, Uranus." Saturn tiredly reminded, his hands glowing gold in an attempt to soothe the sickness that was surely plaguing his body. Though the ringed giant was nowhere near big enough to actually impact the Sun with such fleeting touch... it still was a nice thought. "Sun is ancient."
Wow. Okay. Rude. He was not! He was twenty in light years, his birthday had been only recently!
The birthday they never remembered before, and hadn't this time either. Because they ran away. And then came back. And then Sun grounded them to beyond the Kuiper Belt. And then-
The previous misery combining with the new one put a strange strain on his body, causing him to wheeze. Sol gasped for air he didn't need, fighting to hold onto his celestials and keep his body upright. Surely orbital sickness wasn't this bad? If it were, one of the planets at some point would have-
Someone, the star didn't keep track of who, touched a particularly painful spot on his chest.
And his vision went white.
Shock flooded his system together with the pain, every one of his senses zeroeing on that zero point of contact. Oh stars, what was this? What was-
He was burning.
........
HE WAS B U R N I N G -
His flames, which had been flaring in response to the... everything, died down instantly, as if water had been thrown over him. Panic joined the mess in his brain, the motivation for opening his eyes again, no no no, please, he's sorry he's sorry he didn't mean to, please don't leave please don't-
His planets had gotten out of his hold, now staring at him in shock from his lap. When did they do that?
"Sun!" Saturn cried, looking at the point of his upper body that had been pulsing with pain the most, darkened eyes wide. They were brightening again, now that they were back with their star... but even the remains of the blackness in their eyes hurt. "What happened?!"
Happened? Was something wrong? "A-ah," He hissed, tears pricking his eyes.
"Your body, Sun." Mercury informed- oops. Had he said that out loud? But what about his body? Wasn't this just-?
Jupiter was already silently reaching out, his gaze stuck on the specific spot Saturn had pointed at as if he were in a trance. Sun stilled, instantly, despite wanting to curl into a ball and cry, out of fear of scaring away his oldest baby again when he was finally letting himself be loved as he deserved.
Jupiter put his hand, right above where his core churned. Sol sucked in a harsh breath, trying not to react when the pain worsened again. The gas giant's frown deepened. "...Are you hurt, Sol?" He asked slowly, looking up at him with those innocent eyes.
No, Sun wanted to deny, because how could he be hurt? He was the Sun! A star! What could possibly have hurt him enough to-
"Are those bruises?!"
Uranus gasped. Saturn pressed his hands to his mouth in shock. Neptune blinked away, covering Mercury's eyes with his hands. Venus and Mars just... stared.
Jupiter, who'd pulled down his robes slightly to have a look at the damage, was frozen completely. "...Sol?" His voice was small.
Sun... was surprised, to say the least. He tenderly touched a particularly nasty bruise with the tip of his finger, wincing when hurt spread throughout his body instantly. Ah. That checked out.
"You look fucked."
"Venus!" Mercury scolded, his tired wings fluffing up in response to his annoyance. "You can't say that!"
"But he does!" Argued Venus back, his voice for once lacking any bite. "He's more purple than yellow!"
"Actually, Sun is white..." Mars yawned, obviously way too tired to be doing... anything really.
"Actually shut the fu- hey!" Saturn picked the angry one up effortlessly, and smushed his head against his own chest. Venus fought, body kicking and squirming, but the ringed one wasn't having any of it. "How about we walk, Venus dear?" He asked in a quivering voice, looking back at their star with tears in his eyes. No, no, Saturn...
Jupiter's touch gentled to something more tender, this time making his heart ache instead. Sol looked down again with tears in his eyes, finding his oldest in a similar state. "Zeus..."
"What did they do?" Whispered his oldest guiltily, probably taking the blame onto those already heavy shoulders. Stars, Jupiter carried far too much for his own good for literally no reason.
Sol, despite his own burdens, scoffed gently. With a single finger he lovingly rubbed Jupiter's cheek, prompting those dark eyes to look at him again. "Nothing that concerns you, my light." He croaked out, making Jupiter flinch.
"But Sun-"
"I'm the Sun." He promised, tilting the giant's eyes back up when he tried to have a look at the bruises under his clothes. Just look at me, Zeus. "I'll be okay."
"When you're afraid of the dark... just look at me!"
How Sun had wished they hadn't needed to find out the hard way what the dark was like.
"But..."
"No buts." The Sun leaned down despite his body protesting to leave a kiss into those wild curls, relishing in the soft hum and shiver his baby made in response to the affection. "Those are not your concerns, Zeus."
"But... what do you look at when you're afraid?"
Sun's gaze went from his oldest to the rest of his system behind, feeling the overwhelming love and relief that rushed into his core soothe the pain. So what if he'd been a little roughed up? Did it matter? He had his companions, his gifts from the universe, finally back.
They chose to be back. Even if it was just because the dark had scared them, and they liked his light more. Sol didn't care about that. He just cared to have them back and safe with him.
Speaking off... "...Alright." The star pushed himself back up with a grunt despite how nice sitting felt, back onto those shaky legs that screamed for rest. All of them protested, but Sol, without sparing them a glance, lifted each one of them up, back to where they'd been resting earlier, against himself to stay warm. "Time to go. They're waiting for us."
"...Earth?" Mars asked hopefully, protests instantly forgotten. The mention of their missing friend seemed to soothe the rockies, at least, making them melt back against his form. Three down.
Sol hummed in reply, taking a deep breath to brace himself before daring his first step forward. "And Luna. And Astrodude... I hope he's alive."
"What?"
"And... Ceres?" He hummed, looking at the dwarves in his pocket. Their eyes widened in surprise, squirming uncomfortably under his gaze. Obviously not having expected the attention. "And... Hydra, Nix, Styx, Kerberos, Namaka, Hi'iaka-"
"You have our moons?" Pluto cut him off in surprise. The star hummed without looking away, concentrating greatly.
Now where was his solar system?...
"Demeter was quite protective of them." He informed, the information, for whatever reason, not expected. Was the smallest dwarf not close with the ones from the Kuiper Belt? They were, right? Sol felt Ceres leave in their direction all the time. "He wouldn't let me pull them out of their orbits-"
"You what?!" Charon's panic took a moment to understand, but when he did, Sol felt guilty again. Ugh. Could he ever do anything without scaring them? "They weren't done forming yet, Sun, you couldn't-"
"I didn't disturb their formation." His ankle twisted painfully, but it went ignored, just like everything else. Oh they were far... he had to go light speed, didn't he? "I would never risk anyone's safety."
He understood their reasoning for leaving their moons, Sun truly did. None of their moons had awoken yet, taking them out of their orbits surely would have hurt them greatly- just look at the sickly moons of Jupiter and Saturn who'd formed when they had been outside his system... but without Neptune stabilizing the belt, those tiny babies had been under great risk of an asteroid impact. Sun had no choice but to take them out.
Ceres really hadn't been happy about being in his light. Sol was a bit confused as to why he hadn't left either.
It fell silent. The quiet air was filling up with even breathing and soft snores, testament to how tired his babies must have been, their exhausted bodies finally feeling safe enough to rest. Sun was trying to find the strength to go light speed again when Jupiter disrupted the silence. "...Sunny?"
Just one more push. Just a little more power. And then Sol could pass out. "Hm?"
"..." The tinniest, most heartbreaking hiccup was his answer. And Sol's face softened instantly. "Oh, my light." He murmured, lifting Jupiter slightly higher so he was at face level, nuzzling into his body softly. Jupiter pressed into him as much as he could, body shaking from his barely surpressed sobs. How could so much guilt fit into that tiny body? "What happened?" He crooned, kissing his head gently. "I'm here now."
"They hurt you." Whispered his gas giant, rubbing his face against Sol's cheek. "Didn't they?"
Sun... didn't answer him. Instead, he adjusted his hold, covering Jupiter's body with his hand, and shielding him from the cold. The old, but familiar position pleased him greatly, prompting his heavy eyes shut. "...None of your concern, Zeus." He breathed with a step forward.
"They did." a painful shudder wrecked his frame, finally letting out all those miserable emotions he'd been carrying for millenia... Sol was cuddling him when they got back. "Because of me."
"Jupiter..."
Another cry, but this time not from the oldest one, stunned him. Three tiny bodies were pressing into his neck before he knew it, curling as much into his warmth as they could. "You shouldn't have come after us." Mars sounded dangerously close to crying despite the way his voice slurred, despite earlier not having been sad at all. His emotions did always hit later... and hard. "We left you."
Mercury chirped miserably in agreement, pulling his legs to his chest. "I-I tried to talk, but I wouldn't see things your way." He admitted guiltily, his tears dripping onto his burning surface. "Why would you come for us?"
"That's stupid." Even Venus grumbled from behind him, sounding choked up. "And dumb."
"You didn't think I would just leave you here, did you?" Sol asked, only slightly offended, as lifted Jupiter away from his lips and back to his cheek, squishing tenderly and hopefully burning out the darkness in his eyes. He knew how awful the dark was. Had they seriously thought so little of him?
Well... Sol did spend the first days- weeks-? rotting away and crying endlessly. And then only found the bravery to leave his orbit when that tiny rogue- Ogle-? pulled him out. Oh, he hoped the little one hadn't been hurt when he fought back. That hadn't been what he came to do, and surely he must have scared them from stars forever now-?
Well. Perhaps that was a good thing. Better they meet him and think he's evil then them meeting one of the actual beasts instead.
Stumble. Caught himself. Kept going.
"...We would understand." Saturn sniffed, gently pressing his head right above his core, where the worst of the bruises lay, along with a soft press of his still glowing hand. The touch was gentle now that he knew, thumb stroking slowly in comfort. "We are... difficult, my Star."
The title hurt. More so than his body. But it also brought relief.
He was still theirs.
"Well... you always have been." He crooned at them, leaving another kiss onto Jupiter's surface and letting the hand keeping Saturn against him press harder. He had no hands for the rockies, sadly, so he settled on lowering his head and nuzzling as much as he could reach. "I knew what I had, and have made my peace with it."
It was meant to be humoring. But he heard someone- stars he didn't have the energy to try and figure out who- scoff. "We aren't the problem here."
Unfamiliar. Slightly cold but with a subtle tremble from tiredness. Rough and sturdy.
Oh.
"You most certainly are not, Eris." He felt the dwarf flinch in his pocket, not having expected to actually be acknowledged by their star. "You dwarves have always been so perfectly behaved. Sad you're so far away."
“I wish you would visit the inner system more often.” He sighed, refraining from moving so he could put a hand on top of their pocket. No. He couldn’t do that. What if they got overwhelmed, and threatened to leave, and took everyone with them and-
“It’s not like you sought us out.”
“I can’t leave my orbit.”
“...”
“In normal circumstances.”
“You don’t exactly give us reason to visit you, Sun.” Another- Sedna, MPN 90377, 2003 VB 12, spoke up, bringing tears to his eyes. Oh, how long he’d waited to get a chance to hear their voices. He’d dreamt of this moment, knowing hi… the celestials were out there, but being unable to reach them to have a look. He’d told Earth what he wanted them to be named when the little planet confirmed for him there was one out there, and somehow, the message must have come across. Who knew how. It hurt his head to try and figure it out every time. Perhaps Pluto told them. Sedna, at least, had been discovered before 2006.
…Ah. Now their hostility made sense. “I… am sorry about my short-comings with you, Pluto.”
A surprised gasp sounded from his pocket. But Sun continued before the dwarf would cut him off. “No, no. It wasn’t right of me. Planet, dwarf planet, doesn’t matter.” He lowered Jupiter back down to his throat, where he knew his baby would melt listening to the rumble of his voice. “It shouldn’t have changed anything.”
“...” Pluto didn’t answer him for a long moment, probably lost in thought. Sol didn’t expect one. The apology wasn’t near what he deserved, but the star was planning on giving him a proper one after everyone slept for… a couple years. Along with the many apologies he owed everyone else.
“...Then why did it?” Pluto’s voice was soft.
Sol choked up. “I don’t know.” He admitted. Finally daring to carefully rest his hand onto the dwarf pile. He felt many tiny bodies freeze, but they started relaxing when he rubbed little circles onto the fabric containing them. “It shouldn’t have. Considering… considering I’m a dwarf myself.”
The admission was spoken carefully, hesitantly, afraid he was saying the wrong thing. Earth had said something about communicating, right? Talk talk, blah blah blah, fEeLiNgS, yada yada yada- oh leave him alone, his head was killing him right now. But this was... acceptable, he hoped?
One of them choked. Most froze. Some made some shocked sounds. Sol winced. Ah. Guess not. "...Sorry."
"You?" Uranus sounded like he didn't believe it, looking him up in shock. "You?"
"No way!" Venus' hands curled into his surface, probably trying to analyze the star who's neck he was laying against. "But you're-!"
"Six hundred and ninety-six thousand, three hundred and forty kilometers." Neptune yawned, the naming of numbers as easy as day. It warmed him slightly, in ways his flames never could, to know his youngest giant still took comfort in math. Or stilll remembered his radius, apparently. Sol had heard how horrible his memory had gotten in the dark... "That's quite small for a star. And he's a..."
"G-type star." Jupiter whispered with growing horror, unwillingly lifting his head away from his parent star to look at the darkness that surrounded every corner... to look at the other points of light surrounding them. Stress made him freeze, breath catching in his throat. "What kind of stars could we have met if you didn't find us first?"
Sun didn't answer that horrible question. His face only grew more grim, growing uneasy as he realized just how much closer the lights were now. They'd been slowly drifting away from him from the moment he'd been born. "I... don't know a lot of stars, Jupiter. I don't know."
"But you know some stars?"
...Should he?
"...Alpha Centauri." Sol whispered, focusing on the three dots that would be closest to the solar system ahead. He could always recognize the three, no matter what changed or where he was apparently. One small red, joined in by a bigger yellow, and an overwhelming orange. "I knew Alpha Centauri... and some others. I don't know their names."
"It's that star! It's going supernova!"
"R-run.... little o-one..."
"Alpha Centauri?" Asked Mercury, the name clearly unfamiliar for most of the group.
Most. "Our neighbours!" An unfamiliar voice excitedly cut in- Makemake, 2005 FY 9. "Alpha Centauri is the solar system closest to ours!" He rambled, flapping his hands up and down excitedly. "They're made up of three stars! A yellow main sequance star, an orange sequance star, and a red dwarf!"
His grip on the celestials tightened unconciously.
"Hey hey, Toliman, look at this one!"
"Nice find, Rigil!"
"They are not your concern." If the other stars were near as bad as they had been... Sol was glad he got to his planets first. He breathed in slowly, focusing on the way their little bodies moved against him when they did the same. "And do not matter any longer."
"But Sun..." Mercury prodded, familiar. His hands twitched.
"Now is not the time, Mercury."
"But please?"
"..." Shaky step forward, Stumble. Catch himself. Continue.
They were exhausted. They were still in the clutches of the dark, Sol saw, because their eyes were still that horrible black. They were sick, he knew they were, because this was the first time any of them had been so far from their orbits before. They were tired, and in need of comfort, and Sun would give it to them as long as they let him. He was the Sun. He was-
Trying. To be better.
He hummed, testing the waters, wincing as his throat burned, but at a more tolerable degree. He was slowly but surely getting more control of his body, each step growing easier to take than the last. And Earth had encouraged him to talk. And based on all the little eyes looking up at him, curious despite the exhaustion, they wanted to learn about him.
About the darkness they'd thrown themselves into.
"...I haven't met a lot of stars." He admited, picking his words out carefully. He heard Mercury hum, encouraging him to keep going, the action for some reason bringing him to tears. When was the last time they'd wanted to listen to him? "And that was long before any of you were formed. With me. Far away. When I formed."
"Could you please help me? I'm scared..."
"Please help me, I'm scared! HAHAHA!!"
"Poor little star!"
"Hey." Their smallest companion had appeared out of nowhere, the red dwarf having crossed her arms. "Don't bully him."
"When I woke up, I was met by those stars." He tightened his grip on them again subtly, pressing as many of them as he could into his heat, eyes concentrated on the three stars he was speaking about. "Older, scarier stars. Who didn't like that I was so young. Or small."
What would those beasts have done, had they come across the precious ones in his arms?
"...Oh dear," He heard Saturn shudder, then felt him move in his grip. "Jupiter, don't..."
His oldest didn't respond.
"What did they do to you, Sol?"
That question wasn't answered either.
"Until one day, they all left me." He looked away from the three familiar lights to look at everything else surrounding them, resisting the deep sigh that wanted to out. The new system had been empty when he'd been born. Nowhere near as crowded as it was now. So many beasts he hadn't met, but had heard stories about from the Earth as his Earthlings discovered them.
Were they still beasts? Not anymore?
"Guys!! Get out of the way!!"
The baby star had screamed, backing away the second that huge, beastly thing appeared out of seemingly thin air, hugging the debris that would later become his planets close to his chest. That star....... so big....
"What is it, Arcturus?" The red dwarf had calmly asked, as if she wasn't in the presence of a star that could eat her in a single bite.
"It's that star!" The gigantic one had pointed to a tiny, white one that was pulsing like a beat, on, off, on, off...... she looked old. And in pain. "It's going super nova!!"
What was that?
Nothing good, based on the way all of Alpha Centauri's face instantly changed.
"Okay, I'm out!"
"See ya baby star!"
"We gotta go!!"
"And a star nearby went supernova."
"...And no one helped you?"
"H... hello?" He'd asked in a voice oh so soft, hugging himself for comfort. "Are... are you in pain?"
"R-run..." The dying star had gasped, barely managing to keep her eyes open. "L-little... one..."
"No! Please! Don't go to sleep!" He'd pleaded through tears, starting to cry when the old star had closed her eyes for that final time. "I don't wanna be alone!"
Oh, how sweet Neptune was.
Sun smiled tiredly at him, and pet his head with a finger. Neptune instantly melted with a happy purr, tail weakly wagging against his chest, and agitating the bruises. "I'm the Sun." He murmured, touch trailing behind his fins, causing the purring to grow louder. "I lived, didn't I?"
Jupiter, for some reason, was crying again, smushing his face back against Sol's cheek and shaking. Instantly alarmed, the star refocused on him again, kissing his body. "Hey, hey." He hummed. "What's wrong?"
"W-we-" Jupiter got cut off by a sob, instantly soothed by Sun pressed more kisses into his hair. "We left you, the s-same way they did!"
...Oh.
Oh.
"Jupiter..." Sol breathed out in surprise, caught off guard by the reason... and touched. Oh, he... "Jupiter, I... it's okay."
"It's not." The biggest cried, trembling like a leaf. Deciding to switch tactics, Sun gently scratched at the base of his scalp using one of his fingers, pleased when a soft purr sounded in between the crying. There we go. That's better. "I- I made everyone leave, a-and leave you, and we could have encountered-"
"Hate to burst your bubble, big guy." Mars sniffed, apparently having teared up silently somewhere along the way, lifting his face from Sun's curls. "But we are... far from Alpha Centauri."
So, so far.
Instead they were close to the-
He squeezed his planets tight as Sol tried to walk faster.
He knew what kind of stars there were in the Orion.
"Sun?" Nope. Nope. Nope. His planets did not need to know about the planet eater, nope nope nope-
Oh stars. He called them his again. Was Sun ever going to improve?!
"But nothing happened, Zeus." He reassured softly, gently twirling the curly locks with his finger. Jupiter shut up, calmed by the motion instantly, tilting his head back to lean better into the touch. "Scaring yourself with what-ifs won't help you."
What if Ogle hadn't invaded his system, and Sol was still waiting for them to appear?
What if the planets got lost in space, and hadn't seen his light?
What if Earth never decided to talk to him, and Sun was still bawling his eyes out about the darkness eating his celestials?
What if the planets encountered a star?
What if they encountered Sagitari-
Squeeze. "I'm here now."
"But-" Hiccuped the largest planet, shaking his head. "B-but-"
"Shhh..." Sol shushed him tenderly, slowly bouncing his arms in a rocking motion to hopefully calm him down, even get him to sleep, the same way he used to do when the planets had woken up that first time. "Shh, Zeus."
"When you're afraid of the dark... just look at me!"
"Just look at me." He reminded gently, his voice a tender whisper. Jupiter's eyes were more white than black now, much to his delight, probably due to the amount of nuzzles he'd received. He cooed when Jupiter's eyes drooped slowly, despite probably being blinded by his presence, and his head tapped back against his jaw from exhaustion. Finally surrendering himself. To let himself be cared for.
With a shudder, Jupiter nodded. "Okay." He hiccuped, soothed again when Sol kissed his cheek. "Okay."
The star hummed dreamily, forcing his gaze away from who he knew to be the planet eater, and refocused his attention on the trio of red, yellow and orange. As much as he was enjoying the freedom... stars, he couldn't take the pain anymore, he wanted to be in his orbit. "I'm going to go at lightspeed now." He warned, doing a quick check to make sure everyone was secure. "Are we ready?"
The two icies had long passed out, gently cuddled into each other, and their respective moons tucked between them.
Venus, who Sol had assumed had been ignoring him, suddenly let out a loud snore, alerting him that he should reajust the hot one too.
Jupiter nodded with a soft sob, tightening his hold.
Mercury and Mars both shuffled closer to his neck, and held on.
Saturn, who was starting to tire himself out from trying to deal with the damage that was far too much for him to heal, patted his chest.
The dwarves made different, barely-there sounds of agreement.
Clearly, the rest of them were ready to get back home too.
So focusing what little energy he had into home, Terra, Selene, Demeter, home home home-
Sol ran.
The dark and lonely scenery was beautiful when traveling like this.
The colorless void transformed into beautiful blue hues, stealing his breath away. Sol... hadn't known the dark could be pretty before.
But it was. Those beastly things he'd spend his whole life fearing lit up the enitre void in all different shades and colors, complimenting each other and drowning out the black void.
Ha... ha. Guess the beasts before him got what they wanted.
Thinking about those creatures did him no good, so the star chose to focus on the ones in his arms instead. Their soft breaths and quiet snores soothed him greatly, something else to focus on other than the familiar quiet.
Oh, the quiet. Sol shuddered, gently pulling their bodies more against himself, delighted by the weight. Oh, how glad he was they came back.
"No! Wait! Come back!" Screamed the star in agony, uselessly reaching out as far as he could go without stepping out of his orbit- but not a single planet or moon spared him a glance. "Don't leave me!! Come back!!" He cried, his flames lashing out and eating at his core, causing him to collapse under his own weight. Tired, so, so tired...
"...Y-you'll come back..." He mumbled after a while, no longer having the energy to scream or cry, his eyes already drooping with exhaustion. "Y-you'll... s-see..."
The different colors that always had been out of reach were taunting him, reminding him, bringing back old memories of the planet eaters or the dwarf abusers or the older, bigger stars that were aware of exactly how strong they were.
He almost stepped out of his orbit. Almost.
But the terror of what would meet him held him back.
"You'll... a-all see..."
"Sun?" A sleepy voice roused him back to the present. "You're crying."
...Ah. He didn't imagine the tears then.
Sun tried to wipe away the moisture with a sniffle, but with his arms full, failed to do so miserably. Ugh... with all the crying he'd been doing, you would think he would have ran out of tears by now. "I'm fine, Jupiter." He croaked out, wincing when his throat ached again. Ugh... he'd been able to ignore it earlier.
Jupiter, silently, let his head rest on his neck, blinking awake slowly. Letting out a pleased rumble when the star started rubbing his back again. "Are you?"
"But... what do you look at when you're afraid?"
"I-... don't worry." The little star assured his only planet with a smile, softening in ways he never had before. Never had been able to, drowned out by the overwhelming presences he'd been born with, constantly on guard in case one of them tried to get to him again. Was this what it was like to be the bigger one? Why hadn't the other stars been so kind? "I'm the Sun! I'll be okay."
How had they been able to look at those smaller than them, and not feel the overwhelming amount of love that threatened to burst from his core that Sol felt gazing upon Jupiter right now?
"I'm the Sun." He whispered, the response slow, automatic, and so, so tiring. He was the Sun. Their Sun. They couldn't be his, but he was theirs. "I'll be okay."
"You're hurt."
"I'll live." He hummed, soothing his finger up and down over the planet softly. This time, sadly, the little trick didn't work, and Jupiter remained stubbornly awake despite how tired he was. "You should go back to sleep, Zeus."
"I'm good." Jupiter yawned in similar fashion, much to his annoyance. Hm. Fine then. He would pass out eventually.
Sun might pass out eventually. His body, while numbed to the pain by now, still felt the exhaustion pulling at his being. Heavy and warm and blocking his ability to think, causing every word he could think of to come out hesitantly. He had to fight to stay coherent, keep his eyes open, and answer Jupiter as if he knew what he were doing while he didn't.
Sun didn't. Not... not anymore.
One wrong move, and they would leave him again. Their fear of the dark wouldn't stop them, and clearly most of them had grown used to orbital sickness by now, minus the newly discovered moons. Would their fear of Simp and her army be enough? Or would they go out, back into the evil darkness, let their eyes blacken and let themselves be killed?
Their eyes...
"Jupiter?"
"Hmm?" The biggest planet hummed without moving. "Yeah?"
"Look at me for a moment." Although a bit confused, Jupiter did as he was asked, slowly blinking his eyes open.
White.
Those beautiful, beautiful brightened eyes.
The relief made his body sag, just slightly. "Thank you, Jupiter." He said with a shaky smile, then coaxed the giant back to lay down again. That's... that's better. His lights were becoming themselves again.
...No, not his. He really had to remember that.
...Why did it hurt so much every time?
The star felt his eyes stinging again, much to his displeasure, and hastily tried blinking them away. Not again, not again, he was tired of crying please stop crying please.
Everything hurt.
His body was hurt unlike it ever had been- not even the beasts had manhandeled him the same way the rogues had done today. He was out of his orbit, which he was still freaking out about, and the constant moving only worsened his agony. He felt hot, not his natural warmth, but sickly hot, which Sol could only guess was the orbital sickness he so wasn't looking forward to experiencing for the first time. And all the talking Earth, Luna and Astrodude had said he would need to do.
And now he couldn't even call them his anymore?
The first tear dripping down his cheek anyway, followed by a hitch in his breath.
They weren't his planets? His celestials? His treasures? His lights?
"Sun?" Jupiter sounded more awake now, more concerned, gently pulling himself out of Sol's hand so he could take a look at his face. Growing shocked by the many tears that by now were flowing quielty. "Sol?"
"I'm-" He shuddered, trying to pull it back together- but failed, miserably so, and his crying got worse. "I'm okay." he ended up crying, head tipping down.
"You're not." Jupiter insisted with a desperate tone, freeing himself completely out of Sun's hands. And put his own, itty bitty fingers on Sun's cheek to try and get a response. "Sunny, please, talk to me."
"Anything is better than this."
Sun shook his head, over and over and over again, more sobs starting to wrack his frame. So quiet. Completely and utterly silent, compared to what the system was used from him. He squeezed his eyes shut when the planet's face broke, coming to the same realization. "Sol." He pleaded, pressing his face into that burning surface he had ran away from. "Please."
"I'm fine." He hiccuped, pulling his arms closer to himself. "I-I'm- I'm the Sun."
It came out so, so weak.
He froze when he felt delicate, tiny kiss on his cheek. "I know you are." Jupiter murmured into his skin, his own tears evaporating in his heat. Not near as fast as they usually did, but Sol was doing everything he could to not be as hot as he usually is. "I'm still asking you to share, my star."
There it was.
"..." Sun finally dared to look down, managing to make out Jupiter's concerned face through his blurry vision. Confusion bloomed slowly, hesitantly, trying to make sense of what was happening. "...I'm still yours?" He asked in a small voice, not daring to believe it. "After... after everything?"
It seemed to be Jupiter's turn to not understand, his concerned gaze turning into a frown. "You... thought you weren't?" He asked slowly, tilting his head to the side. "Why would you think that?"
"I'm the Sun!! The Sun! YOUR Sun!! Your star. You do not REBEL against me!!"
"I haven't exactly been... a good star." He sniffed, his eyes filling up. "I-I... I hurt you. A lot."
"So did we." The planet rubbed his hand against his cheek in slow circles, mimicking the way the star had been rubbing his back, calming his racing core. Sol sniffed, trying not to get any tears on him. "Me especially."
"But I'm still yours?" Sol hiccuped again, the tears flowing faster now, as he looked down at the rest of the system sleeping in his arms. Saturn had fallen asleep trying to heal him, his own arms now full of moons that had nudged themselves into his hold. The dwarves looked cozy in his pocket, all having piled up on one another. The asteroids the ice giants had been hugging had long melted away, leaving them spread out and without their heavy jackets to try and cool down. He still felt the rockies snoring against his neck and shoulders.
"You're still ours." Jupiter promised, kissing his cheek again. "Our only star. A nice one, too, based on your experience."
...Oh. Hm. Okay... okay, Sol could work with that. He could- he could be their star only! And stay put. And shine and do what they wanted, he wouldn't even speak or- or make Sun puns, he thought miserably, because Mercury hated them. He would be good! "...Okay." He sighed, a little sad. But it still felt important to voice the other thought, no matter how much it hurt, because it mattered to them. "You don't have to be mine for me to be yours." Whispered the Sun, the words heavy. Another tiny hiccup slipped past his lips. "I get it. I promise it's okay."
"Woah," Jupiter pulled away again. Sun was already mourrning the touch. "What?"
Was it that unbelievable for them to believe Sun was listening to their wants? Stars he was the worst. "You don't have to be mine." He repeated, wiping away his tears now that his hand was free. "I'll keep you warm anyway."
"Woah woah hold on-" But Jupiter was... panicking? "Where did you get that idea? Do you not want us to be yours anymore?"
"Of course I do!" He almost shouted it- but caught himself, just in time, and whispered it instead. Unable to take it anymore, Sol looked away, to literally any one of the bright dots in the galaxy, so that Jupiter wouldn't have to see he was about to cry again. "But you don't want to be mine anymore. I'm happy being just your star."
The planet didn't seem to know what to say to that. "...Sun." He murmured, speechless... and heartbroken? "We don't want you to just be our Sun."
They... didn't? "But I'm too much." His voice grew smaller, shakier, from the effort of holding back.
"Was I not?" Responded Jupiter, setting his hand back against Sun's cheek. Yeah. Baby Jupiter sure had been. Constantly self-concious about anything and everything- first he wasn't big enough, then it was too much. Then he got jealous of Saturn when he was born. Then the Grand Tack... apparently. And then-
"You were a child."
"And you weren't?"
"..."
"...I'm possessive." Sun tried to remind him. But despite his weak, unwilling protest, his free hand come up to cup Jupiter anyway.
"We can work on it." His oldest promised with a pleased purr.
"I... don't know how to be anything else than a star." He admitted, shuddering as the images of those beasts popped back into his mind. As much as he'd tried so hard to be better... he wasn't. He never had been.
"N-no! No no n-no I'm sorry!" Cried the baby star when the debris slammed into his surface the second he tried to move, instantly burning those first marks he would forever wear into his wrist. The baby star stepped back into his surface before he worsened the damage, watching through shocked gasps as everything returned to stability. "Okay, o-okay! I'll... I-I'll stay put. Sorry little rocks..."
But it was all he knew.
Jupiter softened. "That's okay." He promised with another kiss, nuzzling his head against Sun's. "We can work on that too."
He didn't mean that. He couldn't mean that.
"...I want you to be mine."
His first ever planet, who'd grown up oh so much, closed his eyes, feeling at peace. "We are yours."
"You are?" His voice broke. The star told himself it was due to his sore throat. His lip quivered. His hands shook against them all. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
...
And here he was. Crying anyway.
Sun had to gently pull his oldest away from his face when he couldn't keep it together any longer, not wanting to get any tears on him. His shoulders shook. He was hiccuping and gasping- Sol pressed a hand against his mouth to silence his sobs. "You're- y-you're mine." He sobbed out, oh so relieved.
And so, so tired.
"We are." His oldest moved to his mouth, uncaring of the worsening sobs, trying to pull his hand away. "Sol, don't do that." He murmured. "I'm here."
He couldn't keep up anymore. Their travel came to a stop, the star having recognized on time that he would trip of they didn't- and sure enough, as soon as he wasn't walking anymore, his knees buckled. And he collapsed under his own weight, his body tipped over, and he sobbed.
Instantly waking up everyone else. "Hmmm.... wha...?" Saturn yawned, waking up more when he saw. "Sunny?"
"Did something happen?" Mercury flew up to his face, nuzzling next to his ear, and purred as loudly as he could manage. "Are the bruises hurting Sun?"
"Jupes?" The icies and dwarves seemed to have more trouble waking up, probably due to not being used to his heat- but they tried anyway. Instantly hugging him as much as their itty bitty bodies allowed, and purring into him. "Wha' happ'n?"
"Sol needed a cry." Jupiter answered for him in between purrs, smiling tiredly at him when he managed to open his exhausted eyes. "Go back to sleep, Uranus."
"Mgh..." the star couldn't help but chuckle through his tears when his baby passed out immediately again, only to sob into his oldest because he could call them his.
"Don't leave me again." He pleaded, pressing his face into Jupiter's body, and breathing in his scent. "Please please don't leave me again." He didn't think he could survive going through that again.
But much to his joy, his celestials hugged him wherever they could reach, giving him all the nuzzles and kisses and love he'd been starved off for who knew how long. It was overwhelming. It was perfect. "Of course not." He heard Mars murmur sleepily from somewhere.
"It's dark without you."
"Venus." Multiple voices groaned, but Sun couldn’t help but smile through his tears. At least the hot-headed one still felt comfortable to speak up his mind?
"I-I suppose..." he hiccuped, hesitating. But when Jupiter encouraged him quietly, he weakly finished his joke. "...It would be sad without me lighting up your life?"
The groans were far louder this time. "Sun..." Saturn pouted.
"It's far too early for Sun puns..." Mercury whined, throwing his head back. "Can we at least get home first?"
Sun wouldn't have them any other way.
"Yeah." He nodded, taking a moment to collect himself and wipe his tears away, lavishing in the kisses and nuzzles he received as he gathered them back into his arms. "Home."
Back to his solar system. And back to his orbit.
Sun was crashing hard the second they were back.
And had no doubt that eased and comforted by his light, his celestials would do the same.