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Smiler awoke to the sound of passing cars outside of her shitty hotel room. The balcony door was cracked open and letting in the cool night air, and it formed goosebumps along her bare shoulders. She could smell cigarette smoke coming from outside the room.
So Oblivion hadn’t left yet. Strange.
Smiler and Oblivion were no stranger to this song and dance at this point. Something would happen, they would argue, and then they would end up spending the night together in some dead-end hotel on the outskirts of town. However, Oblivion usually left as soon as they were done, and when Smiler awoke in the morning, she would be long gone. Her still being here was highly unusual.
Realizing that she didn’t have any clean clothes on her, Smiler put on her undergarments and wrapped the hotel bed comforter around her frame as she stepped out into the cold.
Just as she had predicted, Oblivion stood on the balcony, staring off into the night, cigarette in hand.
Smiler took the cigarette right out of Oblivion’s hand (much to her companion’s chagrin) and took a long draw from it, letting the smoke dissipate into the air as she spoke.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Oblivion glared at her as she reached for her stolen cigarette, huffing when Smiler inevitably withdrew it further with a sly look on her face.
“…You know that this can never happen again, correct?”
Smiler finally conceded the cigarette, satisfied with the response. “You keep telling yourself that, dear.” The final word held an almost mocking tone, like a deep-seated confession held under layer upon layer of sarcasm.
“I’m serious this time.” Oblivion straightened her back as she prepared to head back inside where she didn’t have to have this conversation.
Smiler sighed as she turned to look Oblivion in the eyes, voice dripping with sincerity and stopping Oblivion dead in her tracks.
“Just what is it that you’re running from?”
Oblivion turned to face her, leaning back on the railing.
“…Everything.”
The silence was poignant and settled deep in her soul. Oblivion continued as the words seemingly rushed out of her lips, the cigarette long forgotten and left to burn.
“Everywhere I go, everyone I meet. They all remind me of her. Black Hole. You remind me of her. I can’t escape it, and I fucking despise it. When she…”
Swallowing hard, she continued. “You never met her. They… they killed her… for you. To make room for you. And I should hate you… but I don’t. I don’t understand.”
And in that moment, Smiler, who previously assumed she could not feel negative emotions, felt an inkling of a new feeling. One seated deep in her chest, like the rocking of a calm sea under a sailboat.
Pity.
She pitied Oblivion.
She pitied the fact that her ex had up and vanished. She pitied her for the tormenting grief that had followed her. She pitied her for the years she saw her raising her daughter without a second mother. She pitied Oblivion for having to let go of her in exchange for Smiler.
Smiler didn’t know what to do with herself. She couldn’t relate because she had never met Black Hole, nor had anything similar happened to her. Instead, in a strange attempt at comforting her, she let her hand creep toward Oblivion’s, lacing their fingers together as Oblivion pitched the burnt cigarette out into the street below.
The words came out strained and foreign from her throat. Going against her mental programming was hard, but she felt like she had to. Just this once.
“…I’m… sorry.”
Oblivion quickly withdrew her hand, her face morphing with grief and anger. “How the fuck could you ever be sorry? You never even met her!”
Smiler withdrew hers as well, drawing up the comforter defensively. “Well, I’m so sorry for trying to be supportive and comforting. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? As partners?”
Oblivion’s face grew dark as Smiler spoke, voice laced with venom. “We are not partners. Black Hole and I were partners. We are…”
How fucking dare she, Smiler thought coldly.
“What? Just what are we to you, Oblivion? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies? I keep trying to figure out a way to make this work, but you-“
Oblivion finally snapped, gripping the balcony tightly as she yelled toward the dark sky.
“THIS WILL NEVER WORK. WE WILL NEVER WORK.”
Smiler was silent, hot tears forming behind her eyes. They stung, but she knew they couldn’t fall anyways.
“That is how this works, Smiler. We argue, we shag in a shitty motel, and then we fuck off back to work like nothing happened. We are not together.”
Smiler just stared at Oblivion as she spoke, every word a new painful blow.
Eventually, she gathered herself up and moved to back inside, but before that, she turned to speak to Oblivion one last time.
“I’m sorry that the park killed your wife to create me. But that doesn’t mean I deserve this. I didn’t kill her, Oblivion.”
The balcony door shut quietly as Smiler left Oblivion out in the cold, the only light coming from the streetlamps on the ground.