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It's still spooky for Shane to hold hands out in public.
He spent a good decade-maybe more-finding out he was gay and choking all of those feelings down, hoping to kill it quickly before anyone notices. Bad enough that, when he was younger, the other kids would pull up the corner of their eyes and mock the way Shane looked. Bad enough that even some teachers bothered him about where he really was from. Shane learned at an early age that standing out made you both a target and a punching bag, and that not everyone would be there to help you.
So, when he felt even the stirring of a crush towards a guy and not a girl, he felt like his world was collapsing. Maybe thats why he threw himself so hard into hockey-as if surrounding himself with masculine aspects would paint over the bright colors of his soul.
Shane watches as the world turns and time marches on. He tunes in on Glee and Modern Family, and slowly saw more gay people on TV. Saw them being annoying and making mistakes, but also finding love at the end of the day. He saw the slow reveal of trans and non-gender conforming people in Pose and even more movies. He saw kids younger than him being bold in public with vibrant hair and clothes, holding hands, and kissing.
And it fucking scared him. Shane wanted to grab those people by the shoulders and shake them. Don't you know how dangerous it is? he wanted to scream. Don't you know how to be smart?
At the same time, he was in awe of these people. There was more courage in them than any soldier in the army. More valor than any warrior in any tales. And Shane believed even he would not gather that much courage.
Until he decided to talk to the attractive asshole smoking outside.
It's after they both have stepped back from hockey, after all the press conferences and tours and speeches. It's after when Ilya gets his green card, and they both move into the cottage together. It's after when they both venture into a nearby park, holding hands. Shane notices how tightly he's holding on, almost painfully, and tries to loosen his grip.
Except, Ilya is hanging on just as tightly. "Don't let go," the other man said, locking eyes with him. "Or else I'll lose you."
"Lose me where?"
"In the forest or someone might take you away."
It's such a random thing, such an Ilya thing to say that Shane can't stop the chuckle that escapes him. And looking at the love of his life, who also had it much harder accepting his own sexuality, made Shane realize how other people found the courage to be out and proud. His courage stood tall with golden locks, warm eyes, and sturdy hands that anchor Shane to the ground.
His courage is gorgeous and Shane kisses him, thinking of the little boy mocked for his eyes and wondering if he'll ever find true love.